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Bro Gary Hawkins 18: Bro In My State...State of the Bro


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While I was doing Gary screenshots, I did capture a few that I liked.  I'm calling this series "Bro Gary's Sweet Dance Moves".

Spoiler

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This is what was running through my head as I was editing pics:

Spoiler

 

 

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25 minutes ago, Xan said:

 

This is what was running through my head as I was editing pics:

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That runs through my head ALL THE TIME here. It's like the official fundie theme song.

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1 hour ago, Xan said:

While I was doing Gary screenshots, I did capture a few that I liked.  I'm calling this series "Bro Gary's Sweet Dance Moves".

  Reveal hidden contents

1985698987_Screenshot(5724).png.9fcf9ab86f270251f5a95b881548ac6b.png873412190_Screenshot(5726).png.0c36202f52ba68b510cbb96473a57553.png1767228297_Screenshot(5725).png.b5d03a140ba37c771fca5486d233d768.png1504098219_Screenshot(5723).png.1952264a083fb77853b69cc2053af379.png117415158_Screenshot(5700).png.05022be49a8fb82b70fc2e40badff7f9.png1289061531_Screenshot(5696).png.f55f385b6e4014c3e5f22eaa3622113b.png

This is what was running through my head as I was editing pics:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

 

Avatars, get your avatars here. . .

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On 8/1/2021 at 1:30 PM, thoughtful said:

He does add one horrible, TMI twist to something he says often, about Becky blaming Eve. He's never said anything specific about what Becky is blaming on Eve, but this time he says: "Mah wahf, once in a whahl, whenever it's a certain tahm of the month, she'll say 'Well, ah sure hate Eve.'"

Uncomfortable chuckles follow.

At one (northern) Baptist church I attended, while preaching his candidating sermon on Sunday morning, the candidating pastor made a joke about his wife's PMS. It just about cost him his calling at the vote that night... he had to stand up and give a big mea culpa. That kind of talk of "unmentionable" stuff doesn't go over well in a traditional Baptist church... to say nothing of embarrassing his wife publicly with something very personal. Probably the reason you haven't heard this from Gary before... sounds like he got a bit carried away.

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary's occasional southpaw "amen?" gesture reminds me of the old saw about masturbation - "use your left hand; you'll think it's a stranger."

There's tissue boxes down front, in case the Lord starts working on your heart...

Edited by Antipatriarch
another reason
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4 hours ago, Xan said:

While I was doing Gary screenshots, I did capture a few that I liked.  I'm calling this series "Bro Gary's Sweet Dance Moves".

I think that calls for some animation:

Spoiler

OQpjzW1_fvIEz6Qok26oWqk4jjZcPgRLUOiLJ_ae

 

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These people were yelling and urging Gary on he entire time Gary was speaking. He had no need to do the hand-to-ear gesture at all - it's just habit.

They also had a few of the "heheheh" dudes - guys that make that sound reserved not for humor, but for showing that one is so full of the joy of the Lord that it comes out in a pastor-affirming laugh-like sound. A really phony-sounding laugh-like sound.

The evening service yesterday was led by the same man as the morning service. They sing Hold the Fort, which I'd never heard. Then they are reminded that they are soon getting out of here, and moan through a prayer from a congregant. I fast-forwarded to hear the preacher.

He starts with: "If you didn't get nothin' from those messages this morning, ain't nothin' wrong with the message or the messenger, it's the one sittin' in the pubes."

Spoiler

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I know he had to be saying "pews," and the devil is messing with the sound system again, but it really did sound like "pubes."

He introduces himself as Dale Morey, and goes on about how they won't like him by the time he's done. He  asks them to turn with him to a chapter "for a few minutes," to hear something God just put on his heart this morning.

I guess he read the old-timey-preacher handbook, too.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=deuteronomy+11%3A18-21&version=KJV

He reads dramatically, with long comments after each verse.

This is the passage from which the practice of praying while wearing tefillin, or phylacteries, comes. He says "The frontlet was a very important part of the priesthood. There was somethin' written there, on that man's head."

Um, no - there was nothing written on a man's head. Anyway, his point is that people should be able to see you are a Christian just by looking at you.

After verse 19, he goes on about what kind of men children will see, at home and in church. "Men? MEN? MEN?! The only man your child's ever gonna see is somebody sittin' in a Baptist church. What kinda men are they seein'? My friend, this world has no clue what manhood is."

He promises to give them his testimony later in the week. Oh, goody.

After some screaming about how the KJV should be back in government and schools, and how sad it is that good KJV churches are closing, he starts talking about the time he spent in prisons, "mental hospitals" and rehabs, until he heard about the KJV.

So, I guess we're getting his testimony now? Oh, he says he's not going to give his whole testimony now, just a little bit.

He was 18, in prison for armed robbery. The Bible woke up his conscience.

He goes on with stuff we've heard over and over from Gary.

In his rant about everybody not letting the KJV rule their life, he quotes Romans: "Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever Amen. Now we see the whale-huggers, the tree-huggers, an' all everything else goin' on. What are they out there doin'? They're out there servin' that - well, they're not servin' God. They're not servin' the one that created those things."

He does some mocking of Wiccans "worshippin' blades of grass."

He tells a story about some men he met in prison who, he says, claimed they were gods (he says something about them calling themselves godbodies, and says they were part of Nation of Islam. Maybe they are an offshoot of the five-percenters ?‍♀️). He challenged one of them to resurrect an ant after he stepped on it. The man said he didn't have that kind of power.

"I said 'What kinda god are you?' But lookit - that's the thinking, the mentalitiy, that's goin' on in churches today."

Wait, what? No it's not.

He reads the next verse: For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

He gets all winky-hinty squicky about it. And again, it's because the word of God (KJV) has been taken out of the government, homes, churches, etc.

As he starts verse 27, someone yells one of the standard yell-at-a-preacher sounds: "uh-oh." They really get a childish thrill out of this stuff.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+1%3A27-30&version=KJV

He yells that being disobedient to parents is a one-way ticket to Hell. I thought only denying Jesus was the one-way ticket to Hell.

He runs through another round of how the KJV needs to be put back into everything.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+3%3A18-21&version=KJV

You're not supposed to trust Jesus, you're supposed to believe in Him.

He is drowned out, at one point, by a bunch of motorcycles going by. Very satisfying.

He whines about how the prison where he goes to preach has other religious people coming in, and a roomful of NIVs and ESVs, and they only gave him a little locker for his KJVs. ?

He says they need contrition, and to understand their guilt before a holy God.

He says the prison employees warn him not to love the prisoners, but he just can't help himself - they're his people. ?

He tells a story about a young man he "has" (this is how he refers to the people he talks to in prison). He asked the man if he'd ever been to rehab; yes. He asked if he'd learned anything in rehab; yes. He asked what the man was in prison for; "'selling bad dope that killed somebody.' I said 'I'm glad rehab done you real well.'"

There's some nifty gaslighting and manipulation of a story to try to make a point where there is none.

He screams about all of the medications he was on, and all of his diagnoses (PTSD, bipolar disorder, explosive anger disorder) and how a psychiatrist gave up on him (citation fucking needed). Now, of course, he takes no meds, because King James Bible.

He screams about not judging a person by assuming they can't be saved, then sulks off.

I think he doesn't need meds for that rage issue because he lets it all out while preaching. Seems to be Gary's self-medication, as well.

They end with an altar call.

 

Merged post:

I think I found this guy's Facebook, after reading the comments under Gary's post:

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I guess he's Dale and his wife is Amy, so "Dalenamy" for the Facebook?

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100009399642897&comment_id=Y29tbWVudDo0NTQ2MjQ0NTE4NzUzNjgwXzQ1NDc2MDIyMzE5NTEyNDI%3D

Dale, didn't you meet Gary before preaching? Didn't you realize it was Gary's beloved tent you were under?

Edited by thoughtful
making sense of the merge, correcting my original spelling of Dale's last name
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1 hour ago, Antipatriarch said:

I think that calls for some animation:

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OQpjzW1_fvIEz6Qok26oWqk4jjZcPgRLUOiLJ_ae

 

Sorry.  I can't get this to open.

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12 hours ago, Xan said:

I watched Gary for a bit with the sound off.  I just detest that motion that he makes to get people to vocalize their approval.  It's just too dang needy.  He made it over and over and over.  I'll give him this -- he's able to do it with either hand.  (Yep.  I'm here damning Gary with faint praise.)

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I don’t know how I never noticed it before, but in these photos w/ his glasses off, Bro Gary looks frighteningly like my former FIL. He was a blow hard a-hole fundie, too. Small world. 

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1 minute ago, Lillymuffin said:

I don’t know how I never noticed it before, but in these photos w/ his glasses off, Bro Gary looks frighteningly like my former FIL. He was a blow hard a-hole fundie, too. Small world. 

He doesn't look like my late father-in-law but he sounds like him.  That's one reason I can't listen to Bro Gary.  He has the same ignorant, bigoted, holier-than-thou way of speaking.  It is, indeed, a small world.

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Tonight's revival meeting starts with Nothing But the Blood of Jesus, sung over lots of loud noise. I fast forward to the preacher, who is this guy - I didn't catch the name:

Spoiler

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He says something apologetic about his accent, that he never learned to talk right because he was from New York originally. He sounds rather like a Damon Runyon character (is this the guy we heard before, who sounded like Peter Falk's character, Joy Boy, in Pocketful of Miracles?). He gets faster and faster - I have a harder and harder time understanding him as he goes on, and I think they do, as well.

He quickly rattles off this gruesome passage, without any emotion:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=judges+1%3A1-7&version=KJV

He is not a very dynamic preacher. He rambles on about how the thumb-and-toe cutting king was paid back in kind. He repeats "After sowin' we reap accordingly" several times. Eventually, he starts turning it around, and saying "You will sow from what you reap."

He keeps coming back to saying "thumbs for thumbs and toes for toes," but it often sounds like "dums a dums an dohs a dohs."

Reminds me of the nonsense songs of the 1940s.

He gets into yelling mode, but still sounds strangely lethargic. He does a riff on how the modern world wants things accepted that weren't in the past, but "sin is sin is sin is sin."

He says that the word "pornography" comes from the word "fornication." Uh-oh, preacher - are you hinting that they should think about the Greek roots? How very un-KJV of you.

He babbles about how Bible reading has gone down during the pandemic, and how he's caught glimpses of shameful TV shows people he pastors were watching, and wonders what they were watching when he wasn't in their house.

Witchcraft has taken over, and led to "drug use, and drinkin' and alcohol and stuff like that."

Here's something refreshing - in his rush of words, he includes a bit about showing love, not just saying you love. And his example of someone who doesn't show love is a husband in a household in which both husband and wife "work a job," who still expects the wife to do all of the chores.

He tells a story about a man who stole from the church and went bad, and then he lost his wife and his health went bad.

The rest is more of the same - sow, reap, tumtetum, tohtetoh . . .

The host speaker makes an altar call, asking them not to wait until they lose their thumbs and toes.

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16 hours ago, Xan said:

Sorry.  I can't get this to open.

Sorry, must have been a time-limited URL. I'll try direct upload:

 

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gary-dance.gif

 

Edited by Coconut Flan
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21 hours ago, Xan said:

 

This is what was running through my head as I was editing pics:

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OOOOH, I love to dance a little side-step!

 

That listening for approval. Gare bear is not the only one to do that. Joyce Meyers has a bad habit of saying a sentence, then, in a questioning voice, "Amen?" to elicit a response. It's bloody annoying.

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@Antipatriarch, that is wonderful!

The safety guards on the preaching platform inspired this comment on Gary's Facebook page:

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Becky won a prize from Tupperware. I guess the "goal digger" is a supposed to be a play on "golddigger." Celebrating women's independence from getting money from men, so they can be in the same kind of relationship with an MLM - seems ironic to me.

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All that driving must be good for business so she won't have to annoy the same people all the time.

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4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

@Antipatriarch, that is wonderful!

The safety guards on the preaching platform inspired this comment on Gary's Facebook page:

  Hide contents

image.png.137c51a3ec58efa823ec755c7ad184ba.png

Becky won a prize from Tupperware. I guess the "goal digger" is a supposed to be a play on "golddigger." Celebrating women's independence from getting money from men, so they can be in the same kind of relationship with an MLM - seems ironic to me.

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Stickers? She got stickers? For being a "good girl"?

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Most people don't really make money in a MLM. They're lucky if they break even. There's a lot of great anti-MLM content on youtube. It's really eye-opening for someone who has never really had MLM experience.

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Spoiler

image.png.888c423b5adc050fa4d72ff7dd258802.png

 

We get a bonus with last night's meeting - two preachers, trying to yell over the traffic noise and the generator. First, Dale Morey again:

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I think someone didn't realize the live stream had stopped just as he came up, and it resumes with a second video, losing some content. So, I don't know how he segued into this, but the video starts with him saying God knew he needed to be in prison, because he was 118 pounds, and covered in sores from picking at himself from the bedbugs.

OK. ?‍♀️

He yells about how nothing could help him but the King James Bible. Once he was saved, he was "called into the ministry," to help people who were still in prison. He is angry about people who don't do things like he thinks they should be done, looking to total up professions of salvation, which should only be between the saved person and God (he might want to tell Gary - see above).

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+5%3A25-34&version=KJV

Oooh, maybe this guy will make it clear to Gary what the "issue of blood" was. He explains how "God made a way for a woman, when she gets into that, for seven days - for the kids' sake I won't get into it too much."

Oh, darn - Gary needs you to be more explicit than that, dude.

He goes right into a rant about how psychiatrists and physicians don't help. "Let me ask you this - has it made us a better America? It's made us worse! King Asa - King Asa had a sore on his foot, and it killed him, why? 'Cause he sought the physicians and left the Lord out of it. "

He says he sees people in churches who can barely keep their eyes open because "they're all doped up on medicine that the doctor gives 'em."

Maybe it's because they work hard, are exhausted, and are hearing the same hateful messages from preachers over and over.

At one point, he also starts using the word "issue" meaning "problem," despite knowing what it means in the biblical story. Well, that's not going to help Gary.
 

Ready for the second preacher? Are you sure? Because here he is:

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He looks a bit like Don Rickles in some of those pictures. I wonder if he will call the congregants hockey pucks.

He starts very softly and slowly, sounding like he's half asleep. He comments and starts re-telling the story as he reads.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+5%3A22-23&version=KJV

He skips the verses Dale just read and preached on (I don't know if they coordinated, or if this was coincidence and this guy was planning to read about the woman with the issue of blood as well), and goes to:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+5%3A35-44&version=KJV

He wants to preach (for just a few minutes!) "on this simple thought, on Somebody Go and Get God. Somebody Go and Get God!"

We are in a mess - he's sure they'll all agree to that.

He revs up to rhythmic chanting preacher mode, and, within seconds, he is screaming and the men are whooping and hollering at him. He spouts lots of stuff you've heard from Gary and all of these other guys.

His theme, such as it is, is the same as Dale's - Jesus will heal you, unlike doctors and other humans who are supposed to help you.

He gets into a routine of accusing them of not all being saved, of being stiff-necked and proud, and threatens them that, if they harden their hearts to God, God will harden His heart to them.

He tells a sappy story about a man who told God to leave him alone, even when his adorable granddaughter sat on his lap and told him she got saved. He went to Hell, of course.

He does a final segue into the musicians' performance for the altar call, and kneels ever-so-humbly himself:

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But, of course, it is all sincere, and moved by the Holy Spirit.

Even the overalls. ?

Edited by thoughtful
riffles, extra picture
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10 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Ready for the second preacher? Are you sure? Because here he is:

Ok, I was not ready for that at all. It looks like Vizzini put on his clean hog tying clothes and went to church in them. 

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I wasn’t prepared for the overalls and bolo tie, either. They must be part of his preaching persona (like the guy with the miniature horse or Gary’s beloved hat and ties with crosses and bibles). Otherwise, these guys all look the same - receding hairline, expanding.waistline, pasty complexion. It appears they all say more or less the same things, too. Why bother going to a week of preaching if every single speaker is going to spout the same tired message in the same tired words? 

At least the action shots make good avatars. I’ve saved a few for possible future use. 

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1 hour ago, Ozlsn said:

Ok, I was not ready for that at all. It looks like Vizzini put on his clean hog tying clothes and went to church in them. 

Incontheevable!

Actually, Wallace Shawn is better looking than this guy. Well, unless he's made up to play Zek:

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1 hour ago, postscript said:

I wasn’t prepared for the overalls and bolo tie, either. They must be part of his preaching persona

It's all so clearly costumes and performances. Their claims to be sincere and moved by the Holy Spirit are just as offensive as their claims to the only truth.

1 hour ago, postscript said:

Why bother going to a week of preaching if every single speaker is going to spout the same tired message in the same tired words? 

I've been wondering this, about revivals, and every single church service, since I started listening to these guys. How many messages can they get out of "be saved or burn in Hell?"

Except for an aside here and there (like the bit about husbands doing chores), there is never anything in their messages about everyday life, problem solving, helping others (except to get saved).

Well, not anything helpful or kind, anyway - there's lots of shaming about not using the KJV, dressing wrong, being a Democrat, not coming to church, associating with the wrong people, etc. But none of it sounds like something Jesus would care a fig ? about.

For all of their hammering away about Jesus, He only matters to them because of his sin-absorbing qualities. It's like He's a product being advertised on a late-night infomercial (read this loudly and with enthusiasm - American or Australian accent is your choice):

"Guaranteed to keep you out of Hell, or your money back! But wait! There's more! Belief in the deathburialandresurrectionofourlordandsaviorjesuschrist will absorb and absolve harlotry, gang violence, drug use, theft, and just plain laziness! Just look at it sucking up that bourbon and rum - like it was never even there! The stain is completely gone!"

 If one of them gave a message on the Beatitudes, I'd faint.

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33 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

It's all so clearly costumes and performances. Their claims to be sincere and moved by the Holy Spirit are just as offensive as their claims to the only truth.

I've been wondering this, about revivals, and every single church service, since I started listening to these guys. How many messages can they get out of "be saved or burn in Hell?"

I don't think these people attend because they want to learn anything new.  It's just like a meeting of a fan club.  These are all like-minded fundies who get together to pat one another on the back and to sing and yell.  It's more about tribalism than it is about religion.  As we've talked about before, they don't have a lot of avenues for expression so they enjoy getting together and yelling "Amen" back at Gary and his ilk.  It's cathartic.  They get to feel good about themselves and think they're better than all the awful heathens.  The climate is in crisis, Covid is rampant, the country is teetering on the brink -- but they don't have to worry because "God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good."

I'd like to feel sorry for people so deluded that they need to cling to preachers like Gary but, seeing as how this is the same group of people that are causing the country to teeter on the brink, I just can't.  Where is Charles Darwin when you need him?

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I have to say, if I ever hear Bro. Gary is preaching anywhere near where I live I'll be sorely tempted to drive by slowly blasting the televangelist's song from Best Little Whorehouse in Texas during the service. Especially if they're in the tent. Imagine Gary all fired up and then he goes quiet for effect and "OOOOOOOOOHHHH, I like to dance a little sidestep..." comes blaring in. 

It'd be especially funny because you'd probably be able to tell who had seen the movie by their reactions. 

I haven't seen too many fundies around here who would be Gary-approved, though, other than the Church of God people he'd never associate with. It might be that they're just that insular, but I think the skirts-only crowd is thin on the ground here. I'm sure there are plenty of fundies, of course, but the women are wearing jeans at the Walmarts so Gary would probably disapprove of their modesty. 

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Gary is so excited about the revival, his usually impeccable English was affected by his state of bliss. "Another one gone in" sounds ominous:

Spoiler

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Looking for God to do it again:

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Gary got to preach last night. After the usual fussing with sound equipment and the obligatory scolding them for not yelling loudly enough when he says it's good to be in church, he reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+3%3A1-10&version=KJV

As usual, he says "Elias" for Esaias.

KJV: Then went out to him Jerusalem, and all Judaea, and all the region round about Jordan
Bro Gary Version: Then went out  - then went out to him Jee - Jerusalem, and all Judaea, and the all the reins  around about Jordan

Does he think Jordan is the name of a horse?

KJV: Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance:
BGV: Bring forth therefore fruit for meet repentance:

KJV: And now also the axe is laid unto the root of the trees: therefore every tree which bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
BGV: And now also the axe is laid upon the root and the tree: therefore an' every tree which bringeth  forth good fruit is hewn down and cast. Into the fahr Lord ah pray just for a little bit. . . (and he continues rattling off his usual post-reading prayer).

This is his rant against "religion," as opposed to salvation. You know most of it. 

Gary scolds about self-importance (another irony meter, dead): "Ya ever seen wonna those Christians that wanted t'be seen?  Ah think about it once in a whahl, ah - we was in a revahval  some an' this was some years ago - we was in a revahval and uh they called on this gah now listen hey they already scheduled the evangelist t'come in an' preach, an' so they called on this gah t'pray for the service.  'Bout twenty minutes it was still goin' ohn, he was still prayin'! Listen, if you ain't got over  your prayers by then, maybe you need t'go home git caught with them amen? Listen, hey, he didn't call on the gah to preach, he called on him to pray. But he wonna - he was wonna those that wanted to be seen. Listen ahwahnnatellya raht now, ah want Jesus to be seen wherever ah go."

Bullshit, Gary. You've just stopped waiting for someone to ask you to say the occasional prayer, and built a whole life around being invited to be the center of attention.

Later, he makes sure they know that, when they do the yearly camp meeting in Texas, he doesn't even preach - he's just Becky's "flunky" in the kitchen, because he doesn't need to be seen.

The tadpole "joke," still wrong, makes an appearance. It gets a hearty laugh.

In the course of his ramblings about people who show off, we get: "We get things, and we say 'Well, you know that God's gotta be' - ahahah you ever been to somebody's house, and they wanted t'show you everything? 'Oh, look what ah got! Look what God's blessed me with!' Ah look at some that stuff and say 'There ain't no way God's blessed them you.' God ain't never really blessed me with a whole lotta money. But He's always blessed me with somebody that had money that wanted t'hang out with me ah ain't figgered all that out amen, glad He did, amen?"

After telling us that Abraham gave up everything, and went and lived in a tent (he almost says "gospel tent" out of habit), Gary says "Now somma the gahs around here sleepin' in these tents, ah'm glad it's them an' ah'm sleepin' in a motel. Ah told Brother Kevin the other naht when ah found out he was sleepin' here, ah said 'When ah wake up ah'll pray for ya amen.'" 

They laugh, and Gary throws in an "Am ah makin' sense?" for no apparent reason.

Erupting volcanoes are enlarging Hell for "another religious person."

Gary lost his "sticker" about the party in Hell being canceled due to the fire, but Jacob bought him some different ones, including one that says "Drop, roll an' sumpin' else won't work in Hell."

Gary repeats one of my favorite bits - in Hell, you will hear all of the preacher's messages you ever heard, over and over, like a broken record. I agree that would be hellish, but not for the reason he thinks it would be!

Gary says he "come up with a new word" after watching how preachers pick on one another, but then admits it's probably not something he came up with - "frenemies."

You can't make people get saved. If you could, Gary would leave (and even let them have the tent for a few days!) and go make his relatives in North Carolina and West Virginia get saved.

You better make sure you're saved - eternity is a long time, the rich man is lifting his eyes in torment, and will be cast in the lake of fire later.

But you knew that.

The video cuts off while Gary is repeating the same old shit, very loudly, yet again. There is a second video, with another preacher. I may check it out later.

Today, Gary posted:

image.png.d43f87bf39249fb0ea8710b3c1595fa8.png

How do you know God is cis, Gary?

  • Haha 3
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