Bro Gary Hawkins 18: Bro In My State...State of the Bro

[Antipatriarch]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

But he announces that they are going to sing Standing on the Promises, (which starts out very much like Pack Up Your Troubles) and stop after each verse for someone to "share a promise from God's word."

Later the accompanist will play Standing on the Promises while they do musical chairs... when the music stops, grab a seat fast! Church should be joyous! How many y'all are happy to be here tonaht? ('Bout half ah yeh, okay.)

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

After quoting John 14:6, pastor unfolds the paper, and it is now:

  Reveal hidden contents

Of course.

So... I can't get there in a plane or in a rocket, but I can get to heaven on a cross? Isn't that painful? In the movie it looked really painful.

[Dana723]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Awwww Lady awwws.

I laughed every time you wrote that!

[thoughtful]

Back to last night under the tent. Gary comes up, does the good to be in church/c'mon now, this is a Baptist church/'bout half of ya bit, then the family sings. After the first song, Gary says to trust God, not government or "all this junk," because "He's been takin' care of things for about 6000 years."

After the second song, Gary says they should be happy about "what's goin' ohn," because it means Jesus is coming back. "You remember when John the Baptist came on the foreruns, an' he said 'Ah'm the forerunner for Jesus Christ comin',' the first tahm." They are, of course, the forerunners of the second time.

Becky speaks immediately after a verse of the third song. She's also known exactly when to start playing each intro. It's sounding to me like they have this down to a rehearsed routine. Well, as much as anyone can, working with a rogue elephant like Gary.

Gary comes to the lectern. "Last naht, some of you left a little earlier, and, uh, the preacher's daughter, Miss Valerie, she's been - the devil's been fightin' 'er, amen, last night she made it public, she got borned agin, amen? And uh, so, that's what it's - that's what this thing's all about amen?"

More standard Garycrap follows, then he announces "Matthew chapter 16, ah have been wonderin' an' ponderin' all day, amen. Ah could be lahk most preachers an' ah could have messages lahned up for days an' decades, but ah like 'em to be fresh. Amen?"

As ever, the stupid vs. evil question arises. Is he purposely lying, or is he so stupid and unaware that he really doesn't notice that he gives the same few sermons over and over, other than  mixing chunks of one with another and adding a new gruesome story or stupid joke now and then?

He goes on to tell the story of the preacher he subbed for when the man had a migraine, and how the Lord refused to give him his message until the last minute. And two people got saved that night.

But it was God, not Gary, and he does most of his faux-modesty routine. The sound starts fading, and Gary says his wife's going to cut him off, and is telling him to shut up.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+16%3A13-17&version=KJV

"Now you look at these scriptures, and Jesus has showed up on the scenes, and he asked 'em two questions, number one, He said 'Whom do they say that ah am?' an' they told Him who he said He was, an' then he asked the question agin, He said, 'But whom do you say that I am? So with the help of the Lord, listen hey, you look around, you look what's goin' ohn in our country, listen, hey . . ."

And he does several more minutes of ranting about people who have the wrong idea about God, and scientists who say "the world just poufed into existence," and never does say what his message title is.

But I suspect it's his old Who Is Jesus to You. Nothing fresh about this one, Gary.

He yells: "Mah daddy used to do well-drillin' business back in North Carolahna some years ago an' he had this man that would uh - that worked with him and huh we went to church with him a little bit there, and whenever he would go out, every tahm he'd stop at a restaurant or stop in a gas station or whatever, he'd say 'Do you know who Jesus is? Could you tell me who Jesus is? Is there any way that you could innerduce this man  named Jesus to me?' An' he said the tahm that he was around us and the tahm that we knew him askin' those questions, you know what? Only one tahm out of all the tahms that he asked the good - those questions, he only had one person t'answer it the way he answered it amen?"

Probably because everyone else he asked was moving away from him as quickly and politely as possible.

More familiar, totally-not-fresh stuff follows - mocking Catholicism, saying that the Pope or a priest would be so depressed hearing Gary's problems that he'd "go commit suicahd amen!"

That gets a laugh.

While Gary is screaming about how he doesn't want to hear your problems, you should take take them to Jesus, Becky hands him a microphone, and he suddenly gets much louder, so we hear a resounding "It's Jesusssssssss!"

Gary says he's not sure "how ya do this - I ain't never done this but a coupla tahms, holdin' a mike an' preachin.' We'll see how it works out."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah+9%3A6&version=KJV

The "governors shall be upon his shoulders," of course.

Jesus is everlasting. "Listen, hey, ahmahnna tell you, ah, you know, ah mentioned Hammed, Ahmed, Hammed a little bit this week, uh, you know what, Ahmed ain't everlastin', he's in Hell, amen? Hah - uh uh uh uh Hahmed, Mohammed, an' the other one whatever his name is listen hey anybody listen, we have a  - we are s'posed t'be as preachers an' pastures an' overseers, but God is the church, o head of the church, amen?"

He shouts his routine about God providing every need (if you don't get something, God knew you didn't need it), Enoch, all lives matter/whosoever, "the crowd that thinks it's predestinated," etc. He throws in some shaky voice and extra "uh" syllables at the ends of statements, and a very loud, high-pitched shriek.

Gary re-reads (well, re-mangles) the verse about the governors on His shoulders, and says he has to say this because he's "gotta put a little bitta consoversy in the service" - he's thankful "God's got this government taken keer of."

Oooh, very consoversal.

God is the great counselor. "Listen ah'm gonna tellya sumpin' raht now, we got people today that go t'these places listen ah'll tellya ah ah'm not gonna show up at wonna these ah don't know whatcha call these people, bu ah'm not gonna show up at their house, ah'm not gonna lay on their couch y'say wha? 'Cause ah'd sooner not dah, amen? Ah'll tell 'em ever'thing about mahself, an' they'd be leavin' the room pretty quick."

That was the latest, sleep-deprived version of Gary's anti-psychologist rant, in case that was unclear. And he goes on to tell them how Jesus is the great counselor. Except that he pronounces it more and more like "canceler" as he repeats it. Which makes more sense than most of what Gary says.

Gary yells about his seven children, half of them drive him crazy, and the only good thing is that, in about three weeks, he'll have a grandbaby.

He goes back to screaming about "good canceling." Gary claims he goes to good Baptist preachers for "canceling," even if he doesn't like what they have to say, but if it comes from the word of God, Gary will have to "git raht."

I'll believe it when I see it, Gary.

While screaming about how he'd rather focus on the good things, Gary shrieks that he could tell them "what happened in the tent meeting in Norwick  - Norwick - Ohio last week, but ah'm gonna tell ya ah'd rather tell ya there was seven souls 'at got saved."

Aw, come on, Gary.

He gives them instructions to "git God all over ya." Get to a prayer altar every morning and pray, then "crucifah that flesh a little bit more," and get the Bible through "this thick, gah, unGodly, filthy skull."

Speak for yourself, Gary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+1&version=KJV

The King James Bible is not just the word of God, it is God. People hate it because it's alive.

He says he has to be careful with the Bible, and not treat it just like any book. I guess actually reading the words correctly doesn't enter into that great respect you claim to have for it, Gary.

He now tells the story about his post that triggered all of the arguing this way: "All ah asked was, is how many peoples gonna go fahnd a goood, Bah - King James Bahble believing church - and ah got crucifahd."

No Gary, you didn't.

He does his screamfest about God chastising him, and tell them that, if they've never been punished by God, they should get down on their knees and beg God to save them.

He sing-songs the next short reading - here's the whole thing:

John 13:15-16 - KJV: For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him.
BGV: For I have given. You an example that ye should do as ah do. To you verily, verily, ah say unto you, The servant is - is not greater than his lord; neither is he that's sint greater than he that sint him.

He does his bit about being an ambassador. Act, talk, dress, and spit like a Christian, adults should listen to the children's songs, don't come to church to gossip, Gary will rebuke you if you come to him with gossip about the pastor, because "ah don't listen to junk lahk that."

And he immediately tells a mean story about another pastor (the one who complimented his preaching by saying it was so real that it made him almost feel he needed to get saved again, which Gary interpreted to mean that the pastor wasn't saved, idiot that he is).

Gary claims that, before he became an evangelist, and before he was in missions, he had to "set" and learn, because "you cain't be a leader 'til you learn somethin'."

Yeah, Gary - I think your leadership cookie is not quite baked yet - you needed to stay in a little longer. Maybe a whole lifetime just listening to others would have sufficed, but I'm not sure.

Gary learned more "learnin' how t'study under mah Daddy" than "any college ah ever took."

Continuing to claim that he accepts rebukes and needs "to be preached at,"  Gary says that, when he was in North Carolina, he had a Wednesday night open, and "all ah woulda had to do was pick up a phone and ah'da found me a Wednesday naht service, but mah wahf said 'We need t'go to our home church, we need to hear our preacher preach.' Y'know what ah did? Ah set there an' listened."

Maybe, but you needed Becky to tell you, and you kept trying to fill the Sunday night that week. Also, I really doubt you sat still and listened.

He starts in on Titus 2, of all things, all of a sudden. He's concerned about the elderly women and men he hears that aren't teaching right. And he tells an old story about a preacher's wife teaching his kids something he thought was unbiblical.

He revs up to top-level shrieking again, to point out that we are clearly in the last days, due to wars and sodomy, and he will preach no matter who it makes mad.

But it's not about Gary, it's about God.

He reads 1 Corinthians 2-3, then says, "That's not what ah - "

Aw, Gary - not again.

He mumbles about how it's in there somewhere, but he's looking for the comforter. Perhaps 2 Corinthians:2-3? It's also part of the salutation that starts a letter, but at least it has the word "comfort" in it.

He starts talking about a preacher he knows in North Carolina, and the video cuts off.

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Dana723 said:

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Awwww Lady awwws.

I laughed every time you wrote that!

It was one of those "awwww" sounds that starts high, with a catch in the throat, then descends in pitch and lasts a while, too.

I wonder what kind of sound that woman makes when she does see a cute kitten!

I didn't hear too many of them during Gary's message - I think it was just because he was so freaking loud. It's probably too much to hope that she just couldn't stand his attempts at humor and pathos any more.

[Xan]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary learned more "learnin' how t'study under mah Daddy" than "any college ah ever took."

I doubt Gary ever "took" any college.  Just who does he think he's fooling here?  For that matter, I seriously doubt that he studied under his daddy.  I think he half listened while sitting in his dad's church and then decided, after working for a bit, that he'd prefer to just talk at people and have them give him money.  That's easier than working for a living.  The added benefit was that his father surely approved of him being an evangelist.  Dad probably thought his mess of a son finally was going to amount to something.

If he had studied under anyone, he would sound slightly less stupid now.

[thoughtful]

4 minutes ago, Xan said:

I doubt Gary ever "took" any college.  Just who does he think he's fooling here?  For that matter, I seriously doubt that he studied under his daddy.

He claims he took some college courses. Who knows if it's true.

I agree that he's never listened to anyone, or learned from them.

I think he went from being a stupid, blustering, angry man who had a brief rebellious stage, then was "playing church," to being a stupid, blustering angry man for Jesus.

Think about it - if this is the saved Gary who loves people, what must he have been like before?

[AmazonGrace]

He is probably worse now. Just as stupid and angry as before but now he's convinced his crap comes from God.

[Ozlsn]

11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He talks up how wonderful Gary is, and lots of places where he has traveled. "Paul was a tent-maker, Gary is a tent-lifter."

Only when shamed into it by his wife while filming...

7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The King James Bible is not just the word of God, it is God. People hate it because it's alive.

Worst Theology Ever.

Also kind of creepy when you think about it. But fits in well with the whole magic words thing - of course the book with the magic words would be alive.

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Think about it - if this is the saved Gary who loves people, what must he have been like before?

I've said before that I really wonder about why his first marriage ended. Angry, vicious, hard to live with I imagine.

Edited August 12, 2021 by Ozlsn

[EyesOpen]

The KJB is like Thomas Riddle’s journal in Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets? Like a horcrux? Wow… my former church wouldn’t even let the youth group kids talk about Harry Potter!

[postscript]

What is so specific about “what’s going on” in the world now that points to the End Times? I heard the same thing as a kid back in the 70s, usually with political examples to back it up. My first thought was that it’s because the Orange Antichrist has shown up. 

Gary wants his messages to be fresh - first, these messages were last fresh before Gary was born. He’s just regurgitating what he’s heard, mixed in with his personal experience and opinions (none of which are fresh, either). Second, this again leads me to believe he does little sermon preparation. I suspect he comes up with a title, writes down a few favorite verses, and wings it from there. 

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He claims he took some college courses. Who knows if it's true.

I agree that he's never listened to anyone, or learned from them.

I think he went from being a stupid, blustering, angry man who had a brief rebellious stage, then was "playing church," to being a stupid, blustering angry man for Jesus.

Think about it - if this is the saved Gary who loves people, what must he have been like before?

He comes across as an angry, misogynistic incel. I can’t figure out how he got not one, but two, women to marry him, much less spend enough sexy time with him to procreate three times (not seven as he would have us believe). 

Gary in college is the stuff of nightmares. He would question the prof at every turn, to the point of being disruptive to the other students. His exams and papers would use Bible verses to back up his answers. 

Edited August 12, 2021 by postscript
&@#*$ autocorrect.

[Xan]

5 minutes ago, postscript said:

What is so specific about “what’s going on” in the world now that points to the End Times? I heard the same thing as a kid back in the 70s, usually with political examples to back it up. My first thought was that it’s because the Orange Antichrist has shown up. 

I've heard this for decades.  It's gone from "we're in the final days" down to "we're in the final hours" and "we're in the final minutes".  Jesus is coming any time now.  It's the fundie version of "Waiting for Godot" (or "Waiting for Guffman", depending upon your reference point).  They're just hoping to be around to watch God smite their enemies.  I've always thought it was a general whine about how the world isn't following their rules.  

I honestly don't understand how the fundamentalists can spend so much time reading the Bible and totally miss the message.  The New Testament is full of stories about loving your neighbor and reaching out to other people.  Instead, they spend their time in bubbles with like-minded people, judging everybody else, and trying to butter up God with praise and prayers.  What a waste of life.

[Antipatriarch]

2 hours ago, EyesOpen said:

The KJB is like Thomas Riddle’s journal in Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets?

Ha! When I read "The King James Bible [is] alive" my mind actually went to:

Spoiler

 

[Xan]

Gary's on Facebook again:

OK, Gary -- when is the last time you gave up something to see lives saved?  Sad days wherein so called people of God aren't willing to put a little piece of cloth over their mouths to save their fellow man.

[Flossie]

2 hours ago, postscript said:

Gary in college is the stuff of nightmares. He would question the prof at every turn, to the point of being disruptive to the other students. His exams and papers would use Bible verses to back up his answers. 

One of my kids had a sort-of Gary in one of her classes.  I think it was in an American History class focussed on the late 20th century.  He questioned everything, and argued with the professor constantly.  He had his own ideas of what happened, and he was what I'm sure would be Trumps wet dream.  He hijacked the class every chance he could so he could talk about what he wanted to talk about, even if it eventually morphed into something that had nothing to do with the class.  Every time he started talking, the students groaned and started texting on their phones or studying for other classes.  Eventually the teacher got tired of it all and told the guy that he wasn't going to entertain the tangents anymore and offered a time outside of class for discussion.  The guy pouted for a few more classes and eventually stopped attending.

He's probably still drinking his Red Bull with his like-minded buddies before or after he goes off to his job of the moment and still convinced he is the only one who knows just what happened in America and the world, and being pissed that no one will listen to him.

[Alisamer]

21 minutes ago, Xan said:

Gary's on Facebook again:

OK, Gary -- when is the last time you gave up something to see lives saved?  Sad days wherein so called people of God aren't willing to put a little piece of cloth over their mouths to save their fellow man.

I know right? "You have to sacrifice to save sinners from hell!" and 5 minutes later "I ain't giving up my freedumb to wear no mask at the Walmarts". 

So he'll sacrifice to save peoples souls, but not wear a mask for 20 minutes to save their actual lives. Nice. 

13 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary comes to the lectern. "Last naht, some of you left a little earlier, and, uh, the preacher's daughter, Miss Valerie, she's been - the devil's been fightin' 'er, amen, last night she made it public, she got borned agin, amen? And uh, so, that's what it's - that's what this thing's all about amen?"

While screaming about how he'd rather focus on the good things, Gary shrieks that he could tell them "what happened in the tent meeting in Norwick  - Norwick - Ohio last week, but ah'm gonna tell ya ah'd rather tell ya there was seven souls 'at got saved."

He does his bit about being an ambassador. Act, talk, dress, and spit like a Christian, adults should listen to the children's songs, don't come to church to gossip, Gary will rebuke you if you come to him with gossip about the pastor, because "ah don't listen to junk lahk that."

Gossip about the preacher's daughter, teasing gossip about what happened in the tent meeting, gossip... followed by "Don't come to me with gossip". Sure Gary. 

(Also, speaking of preacher's daughters and gossip... it seems the stricter and more fundie the preacher the more there is to gossip about with the daughters. Probably the sons, too, but they don't get as much notice since they don't turn up pregnant from their indiscretions. I went to school with several daughters of strict fundie-ish pastors. Nearly all of them were serious partyers. I know  it's a stereotype, but it's true in some cases! These fundie pastors with small churches aren't necessarily raising the godly angels they think they are.)

Quote

More familiar, totally-not-fresh stuff follows - mocking Catholicism, saying that the Pope or a priest would be so depressed hearing Gary's problems that he'd "go commit suicahd amen!"

Oh yes. They'd be super depressed if they got to travel all over the place on someone else's dime whenever they wanted. 

2 hours ago, EyesOpen said:

The KJB is like Thomas Riddle’s journal in Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets? Like a horcrux? Wow… my former church wouldn’t even let the youth group kids talk about Harry Potter!

 

21 minutes ago, Antipatriarch said:

Ha! When I read "The King James Bible [is] alive" my mind actually went to:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Agreed! I was like "wait, what was that monster book from Hagrid's class?"

[postscript]

44 minutes ago, Flossie said:

One of my kids had a sort-of Gary in one of her classes.  I think it was in an American History class focussed on the late 20th century.  He questioned everything, and argued with the professor constantly.  He had his own ideas of what happened, and he was what I'm sure would be Trumps wet dream.  He hijacked the class every chance he could so he could talk about what he wanted to talk about, even if it eventually morphed into something that had nothing to do with the class.  Every time he started talking, the students groaned and started texting on their phones or studying for other classes.  Eventually the teacher got tired of it all and told the guy that he wasn't going to entertain the tangents anymore and offered a time outside of class for discussion.  The guy pouted for a few more classes and eventually stopped 

I had a few law school classmates who were similar. Law school teaches you to question and analyze all sides of an issue. It also attracts blowhards who are fond of expressing their own opinions. There was always one in each class who would raise his hand (and it was

 

48 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I know right? "You have to sacrifice to save sinners from hell!" and 5 minutes later "I ain't giving up my freedumb to wear no mask at the Walmarts". 

So he'll sacrifice to save peoples souls, but not wear a mask for 20 minutes to save their actual lives. Nice. 

Gossip about the preacher's daughter, teasing gossip about what happened in the tent meeting, gossip... followed by "Don't come to me with gossip". Sure Gary. 

(Also, speaking of preacher's daughters and gossip... it seems the stricter and more fundie the preacher the more there is to gossip about with the daughters. Probably the sons, too, but they don't get as much notice since they don't turn up pregnant from their indiscretions. I went to school with several daughters of strict fundie-ish pastors. Nearly all of them were serious partyers. I know  it's a stereotype, but it's true in some cases! These fundie pastors with small churches aren't necessarily raising the godly angels they think they are.)

Oh yes. They'd be super depressed if they got to travel all over the place on someone else's dime whenever they wanted. 

 

Agreed! I was like "wait, what was that monster book from Hagrid's class?"

usually a him) and ask “Point of clarification. . .” or “What if.. .” just when the prof was ready to move on. Luckily, most law school professors have long experience shutting down tangents. 

49 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

(Also, speaking of preacher's daughters and gossip... it seems the stricter and more fundie the preacher the more there is to gossip about with the daughters. Probably the sons, too, but they don't get as much notice since they don't turn up pregnant from their indiscretions. I went to school with several daughters of strict fundie-ish pastors. Nearly all of them were serious partyers. I know  it's a stereotype, but it's true in some cases! These fundie pastors with small churches aren't necessarily raising the godly angels they think they are.)

 

I’ve also known a few pastor’s/preacher’s kids of varying denominations, and they either partied hard or doubled down on the religious faith. Rarely was there an in-between. Often they partied hard with their friends but denied all in front of their parents. With the sons, the indiscretions usually involved over-consumption of alcohol. 

[thoughtful]

9 hours ago, Alisamer said:

So he'll sacrifice to save peoples souls, but not wear a mask for 20 minutes to save their actual lives. Nice. 

 

10 hours ago, Xan said:

OK, Gary -- when is the last time you gave up something to see lives saved?  Sad days wherein so called people of God aren't willing to put a little piece of cloth over their mouths to save their fellow man.

Absolutely. These guys really don't care about what happens to others who are alive now. The planet can burn, individuals can die, people can suffer horribly in ways that could be prevented - all that matters to them is thinking they've "saved" someone in the afterlife.

And then they turn around and complain about gas prices, the sex lives of total strangers, the government, and minutiae of everyday life. Gary wouldn't suffer a mild itch on his arm patiently or bravely, let alone any real discomfort or danger.

They have no logic, no compassion, no interest in doing what Jesus (or anyone else who cared about humanity) actually preached. They just depend on the "believe and receive" magic formula to get to Heaven after death, and claim that they'd be thrilled if it happened right now.

I always wonder about people who actually love and like their children and grandchildren (Gary doesn't count - like Jill, I think he sees them as props and more people to "save" from Hell) when they claim they would be happy if the Rapture came now.

I guess they think that, if everyone will be together and happy in Heaven, it's OK that younger people didn't get to live a full life. Since I don't believe in an afterlife, I find that chilling. But I think, even if I did, I'd hate the thought of young people I know and love not getting to live through all of the ages and stages of life.

[thoughtful]

As the 8/11 video opens, Pastor Bob Smith is introducing himself. I don't think I've mentioned yet that his manner of speaking  is very sweet and a bit condescending, like a kindergarten teacher who doesn't really like teaching.

They sing Victory in Jesus. Brother Bob has a fine tenor voice, but, like Jill, he does a lot of that consciously over-enunciating that makes it sound like he's saying "listen to me - I am singing! Hear me sing?"

Pastor gives a long prayer. Gary moans assent when Bob asks "unction" for him, but is silent when he says "I pray God that you'll fill his mouth with worthwhile stuff, and nudge him when he's said enough." Other people chuckle, though.

Covid-spreading greetings, then the pastor reminds them that John 3:16 applies to all of them, and that he's glad it does not specify any one person. He takes advantage of his name to make a fairly cute point (everybody gets one, as @Dana723 said). He says there are 21 Bob Smiths in the Altoona phone book, and he might wonder if it meant him if the verse said only "Bob Smith" would be saved.

He talks about their Godbothering at the farmers' market, the letters to God mailbox (they remembered to check it that morning), Gary's prayer cards, and how to find the bathrooms.

He sets up the collection by comparing giving to Gary to the Phillipians giving to Paul, who wrote a thank-you note, and told them that they'd have a part in every soul saved, and they will too, if they give to Gary. Again, he reminds them to come up, because they don't pass the plates due to Covid.

He points out, as he has over the course of the revival, that they have a stack of two brass plates on either side of the table, and that they should put their offering in between them, for safekeeping in the wind. Tonight he says "That way it won't blow away in the breeze when it gets windy in here, or when Brother Gary preaches here, 'cause he preaches with a lot of force."

Brother Bob still seems pretty much in love with Gary, so I don't think these little jabs are hints about negative feelings. I just think it took him a few days of knowing him to fall into the "just a little gentle teasing" mode that most of these preachers seem to have.

Becky uses the accompaniment from Preach On as the instrumental for the offering.

He calls someone he refers to as Miss Nancy to the front. Awww Lady lets out a short one. Miss Nancy used to be shlepped around to tent meetings as a child, to sing a song with her sisters, starting when she was 5, one sister was 4, and the other was 6. Pastor Bob asked her to sing it for their tent meeting. She sings The Little Black Sheep, then tells them what it means, probably just about the same way she did when she was five.

They all sing Jesus Saves, then Pastor Bob turns the service over to the Hawkins family.

[thoughtful]

August 11, under the tent. Gary comes up saying it's good to be in church (for once he doesn't do the whole routine), and says he doesn't know how much longer he'll have the freedom to be in church.

The Hawkinses sing. I fast forward. Gary comes to the lectern, seeming solemn. He says "Well, folks, ah need you to pray for me, because ah got a burden on mah heart tonight.

He really does seem to be having trouble finding exactly what he wants to say. As inarticulate as Gary generally is, he can usually swing into one of his routines readily, and he always goes right into yammering away, announcing a reading, then doing 1-10 minutes of familiar crap while they are finding the page. I don't know if this is sincere, a new tactic, or just a slow setup for the usual shit.

He says, "Ah  have . . .ah don't lahk it when God does me this way." After another long pause, he says, "But  . . been thinkin' whahl we was settin' over there today . . . " long pause, "got back to the church . . . ah been prayin'  . . . ah been thinkin' an' ah been readin' scripture . . . he was talkin' about - " (he reacts to microphone feedback) "have mercy - he was talkin' about bein' nervous."

This is a reference to part of Pastor Bob's introduction for Nancy - he'd "kidded" about having her get up to sing near the beginning of the service, so her nervousness would be over.

Gary goes on, seriously. "Ah'm nervous tonaht." Long pause. "Now, here's what ah'm gonna do. 'Cause ah believe God's real, and ah believe there's a Heaven, an' ah believe ya need t'turn the rig out, please" (that last, with no hesitation, was aimed to the side, at Becky - smooth, Gary, and I don't think that one second hand keyboard constitutes a rig, and doesn't that language come from those entertaining mega churches with the music you hate?).

"Ah believe there's a Heaven, but ah also believe there's a Hell." He does some of the usual, and says they have to believe not just in, but on Jesus, ("and there is a difference"), he might upset some people, etc.

He says that some people may have come to the revival not knowing what they were getting into. And he launches into his familiar routines about getting saved, Jesus/Got telling him it was his last chance, needing to make a decision that day.

If there's some sort of revelation, or if he's going to call someone out specifically, it hasn't happened yet.

"There's not one denomination that's raht. Jesus is raht - amen? Amiraht? It's not in a jee  - listen,  mah - mah salvation is it not in a nedomination."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+25%3A31-41&version=KJV

I don't think I've ever heard Gary read this. Any bets on his focusing on the list of good works in the middle, rather than just sheep=heaven-bound, goats=hellbound? No?

Oh, and the goats got thrown into the "fair." He makes sure to repeat it twice.

He re-reads verse 41 - the one about the goats being roasted.

Hell was created for the devil and his angels, but the devil got mad, and Adam and Eve . . . well, you know the story.

Gary's done with this reading - no mention of the "least of these."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+3%3A23&version=KJV

He screams about everyone being sinners for a while. The only cure is Jesus. And he yells about how good works won't get you to Heaven, his salvation day, we could all die any time (we hear the description of the McFaddens' accident again), "Is ever'body allraht? 'Bout two of ya, amen."

He announces Mark 5:27, starts to read it, says "That's wrong  - did ah say Matthew or Mark?" They answer him and he tells them it's Matthew.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+5%3A27-31&version=KJV

After verse 31, he says "Ah'm gon' stop there - verse 30's where ah needed to stop."

A highlight:

KJV: And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
BGV: And if thah right ah offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of mah members perish -  should perish, and not thah whole body should be cast into hell.

Gary, I don't think I'd profit from one of your members being cast away, but thanks for the offer.

After reading this passage, Gary does his bit about the only sin that will send you to Hell is rejecting Jesus.

He says "Ah wantchu to listen to me, and ah wantchu to listen to me well" several times in this message.

He tells the story of the man who got "under conviction," and "God was dealin' with his heart," who held on to the pew to avoid coming up to the altar, because he didn't want to give up his one beer a day.

Gary yells about how Becky tells him stories from her nursing days, and he tells her to shut up. "She's mah wahf, ah kin do that."

Awwww Lady awwwws.

He screams the story of his cousin who died at the kitchen table. "Now here's what ah heard from them talkin' to the doctor. Because listen you have to write somethin' on the birth certificate of wha they dahd."

After "joking" that now they just write "Covid," he says they wrote that she had fluid around her heart on the "birth certificate" (yes, he does it again). But it was no such thing. He shrieks "You say 'Wha did God take her?' Because she had a daddy that was a drunk that was hard-headed, that wouldn't listen to nothin' that the preacher said, or the family member said, and God took her for him to git saved, become the deacon of the churchhh."

Seems a harsh way to get someone's attention, and what the fuck did she do to deserve that?

You don't have to get saved tonight - Gary has given you the message and he's confident that "the blood will be offa mah hands."

He shrieks that "if a man, woman, boy or girl doesn't work, they shouldn't eat." Boys and girls, Gary?

"Am ah makin' sense tonaht? Ah don't have notes. Ah been trahin' to write somethin' down all day.  S'ahm gonna letchu know, this ain't Gary - this is God."

"Ya ever heard anybody say that God's got to apologahz to the sodomahts that we got today?" No, Gary, I've only heard you claim that people say that.

"Back whenever ah first got mah license, after ah finally had the guts to get 'im, after drahvin' sp many years, amen, ah thought ah was it."

So, Gary, you were driving for years before you got your license?

"Any of ya remember ya got yer license bless God, you gonna take that car, you gonna rub it - you gonna burn rubber do anything else you want to? Well, ah was steoopid because ah was payin' $200 a month, because of all the tickets ah got."

He's not braggin' on it. He went to court, he had to go to classes and "have some woman tell me how to drahve an' ah already knew how to do it amen. An' ah had a few tahms the judge trahd t'take mah licence . . . but they never did."

I wonder if that's true. I seem to remember both Gary and his father having lost their drivers' licenses at various times.

Anyway, he compares his going to court to judgment day, which won't be as lenient.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+7%3A19-20&version=KJV

Gary can judge your fruits.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+7%3A21-23&version=KJV

I think Gary may have been practicing his acting skills - he reads this very dramatically.

We may finally get a hint of who this is aimed at. He has mentioned that there are people there who work at a hospital. He says, quietly, "Now, ah'm not lookin' at people, because ah know how people make faces, an' ah git booed once in a whahl an' it's OK. But what is God gonna say about you on that day? What's He gonna say about you? Ah know some of ya's not gonna come back so ah'm gonna go ahead and give ya a loadful whahl you here amen? Ahm gonna give you a day's - ahm gonna give you a few day's of somethin' to think about. Ah'm gonna - listen hey, if you don't make a decision t'come  t'the altar an' make a decision, you don't make a decision before you git offa this property, ah'm gonna pray that God won't let you sleep, God won't let you eat, hey, an' ah'd be very keerful goin' to the hospital, listen hey an' workin' on patients, cause ya might be a little bit too nervousssssss."

After yelling that he doesn't want them to die and burn in Hell, he gets quietly threatening again: "Not only would ah be keerful goin' to the hospital, hey, ah don't know who's lost here tonaht, ah'd be keerful goin' anywhere tomorrow, being under conviction. Amen?"

He goes on about the preacher's daughter, and, for a while I thought he was aiming this at her, that somehow she'd backslid since Monday, but it turns out he's just using her as an example of someone who was in church but still need to be saved (and now is, I guess).

He says that, when he first decided to preach, it was the devil who called him ("someya will get that after a whahl"), because he wasn't saved yet.  "God don't call lost people t'preach. HAYMEN! If ah gotta amen we gonna be here all naht."

Waving his arms back and forth in the air, he says verse 22 told those people who prophesied, and "spoke in tongues and whatever else that they do, that turkeys actin' lahk a siezure havin' a seizure amen."

He screams: "Listen t'this - ah don't know much 'bout English, ah speak Hillbilly, but listen, ah b'lieve if you gotta English teacher on verse 23 ah b'lieve y'could git the part out an' here's what it said: 'And then will ah profess unto them, ah NEVER" (suddenly quiet) "knew thee. You know what that means? He had no idea who th'was." Screaming again: "It didn't - it wadn't that they was saved and they lost it 'cause hey, lemme tell you mah God is not a Indian giver.  He don't give an' take give an' take give an' take - He just givessss."

Spoiler

Gary, doing the "give and take" dance. Repeat three times.

 

I really wish Gary had not remembered the phrase "Indian giver" from his childhood. 

He tells another old story, and the video cuts off as he asks them to turn to Psalms 3 and asks if everybody is all right.

I hope the person or people you were trying to frighten are not only all right, Gary, but planning to ignore all of your spew.

Edited August 14, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[Xan]

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

We may finally get a hint of who this is aimed at. He has mentioned that there are people there who work at a hospital. He says, quietly, "Now, ah'm not lookin' at people, because ah know how people make faces, an' ah git booed once in a whahl an' it's OK. But what is God gonna say about you on that day? What's He gonna say about you? Ah know some of ya's not gonna come back so ah'm gonna go ahead and give ya a loadful whahl you here amen? Ahm gonna give you a day's - ahm gonna give you a few day's of somethin' to think about. Ah'm gonna - listen hey, if you don't make a decision t'come  t'the altar an' make a decision, you don't make a decision before you git offa this property, ah'm gonna pray that God won't let you sleep, God won't let you eat, hey, an' ah'd be very keerful goin' to the hospital, listen hey an' workin' on patients, cause ya might be a little bit too nervousssssss."

After yelling that he doesn't want them to die and burn in Hell, he gets quietly threatening again: "Not only would ah be keerful goin' to the hospital, hey, ah don't know who's lost here tonaht, ah'd be keerful goin' anywhere tomorrow, being under conviction. Amen?"

That the hell, Gary?  Was there a nurse in the congregation talking about Covid being real or, maybe, just wearing a mask?  Did that piss him off and make him think she was going to hell?  All I know if that I had been there, I would have made a decision to walk out and go home.  

Also, that whole bit about God killing someone in your family to make you get saved is all kinds of creepy.  That isn't a deity that I would worship.

As for the "boys and girls" working part -- I think Gary uses that on Jacob.  You don't work, you don't eat.  Unfortunately, that only applies to people other than Gary.

(An aside:  I sat down with my coffee today and went to the Gary thread.  Then I saw you posted a new recap @thoughtful and was so happy.  Nothing better than coffee and a good read.  Thank you!)

 

[postscript]

14 minutes ago, Xan said:

 

As for the "boys and girls" working part -- I think Gary uses that on Jacob.  You don't work, you don't eat.  Unfortunately, that only applies to people other than Gary.

 

Yes, that bit seems like a jab at Jacob. Perhaps he wanted to, I don’t know, hang with local teens rather than wait on Gary hand and foot. Even knowing Gary considers his preaching, door knocking, and general godbothering to fall under the category of “work,” it’s hard to believe he can make statements about those who don’t work not eating with a straight face. We have literally never seen him lift a finger, not for himself, not for anyone else. He gets local volunteers and Jacob to put up and take down the tent. He won’t even get his own water when he preaches. He’s constantly ordering others around. Calling Gary a sloth is an insult to sloths. 

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Xan said:

As for the "boys and girls" working part -- I think Gary uses that on Jacob.  You don't work, you don't eat.  Unfortunately, that only applies to people other than Gary

 

1 hour ago, postscript said:

Yes, that bit seems like a jab at Jacob.

I thought of that, as well.

The "man, woman, boy and girl" list is one of Gary's super-fast autopilot phrases, though - it often zooms out of his mouth when talking about getting saved, and it came out like that. So it could have just been automatic, before he could stop himself at "man."

As ever, with Gary, the choices are many - petulant, a cruel father, mindless, judgmental, sexist, entitled . . . ?

I also think he may be suffering from sleep deprivation and heat exhaustion, which is making him even stupider than usual. I think he never caught up on the sleep he lost getting there, and they've been outdoors at the farmers' market and doorknocking in high heat and humidity, then under the tent. Here are the last few days' high temperatures in Bedford PA:

 

A Facebook change: Gary gave up his strutting on the reservation with faux polar bears pic for a pointing in Pennsylvania with a long limp phallic symbol one:

Spoiler

Of course, where it lands on the banner pic, it looks like he's a tiny elf, mocking Becky for a hanging booger:

Spoiler

 

[missy1228]

On 8/11/2021 at 9:24 PM, thoughtful said:

the

 

[forgetmenow]

On 8/13/2021 at 11:58 PM, thoughtful said:

He says that some people may have come to the revival not knowing what they were getting into. And he launches into his familiar routines about getting saved, Jesus/Got telling him it was his last chance, needing to make a decision that day.

He shrieks "You say 'Wha did God take her?' Because she had a daddy that was a drunk that was hard-headed, that wouldn't listen to nothin' that the preacher said, or the family member said, and God took her for him to git saved, become the deacon of the churchhh."

It's so funny to me that he badmouths the Sinner's Prayer, but pushes "decisioning" because they were equally side-eyed in the Calvinist church I grew up in.

Also, re: the future deacon's daughter: Gary, meet Job's friends. Job's friends, meet Gary.  Gary, you don't know God's mind/motives any better than they did. 

Edited August 15, 2021 by forgetmenow

[thoughtful]

8 hours ago, forgetmenow said:

Also, re: the future deacon's daughter: Gary, meet Job's friends. Job's friends, meet Gary.  Gary, you don't know God's mind/motives any better than they did. 

And that's one of his favorite stories, too.

Even by fundie standards, the incredible gall of Gary's constantly saying that he's only delivering God's/Jesus' words, and never putting his own interpretation on it, is pretty mind-boggling. He's about as picky a cherry-picker as there ever was, and has a really skewed perspective on everything.

But you all knew that. Just venting - thank you for indulging me.

Catching up on my Bro Gary listening - the 8/12 session under the tent starts with Pastor Bob Smith reading a thank-you letter from Precious Life, for helping with their baby bottle fundraising. He asks them to give themselves a hand. They applaud themselves for guilt-mongering pregnant women (in the US and Romania, according to the letter), then doing nothing to actually help them or their babies, I guess.

They sing, pastor prays, Gary moans, then greetings and hugs. The pastor, while returning to the front, steals Gary's routine! He yells "Ya glad to be here tonight?" After they yell, he says "Oh my goodness, we can do a little better than that! Are ya glad to be here tonight?" Gary lets out one of his super-loud, diaphragm-supported "HAYMEN" yells. The pastor tells them that, if they yell loud enough, the people over at the ice cream shop will know they are glad to be there, and makes them do it again.

The pastor talks about some churches in North Carolina that are teaming up with them to go out "canvassing." They are going to work with local schools to distribute bookbags for Christmas, with a toy, a "salvation doll," a Bible, and school supplies. They are also going to do a special event for kids at the end of the summer, and how he and the Hawkins family went out door-knocking again.

😠 They're such vultures.

Again, he talks about how wonderful Gary and his family are, and how hard they work, before collecting the offering. He reminds them that, due to Covid precautions, they have to come up "by intention," and put the money between the plates so it won't blow away (because, of course, it had damn well better be bills, not coins). Then he lays it on even thicker in the prayer.

He announces that they will sing hymn #335, Standing on the Promises, and Becky says "that's not it."
Pastor: "That's not it. Stand Up for Jesus."
Man in tent: "335 is Standing on the Promises."
Pastor: "That's not what we wanna sing, though. We wanna sing Stand Up for Jesus."
Woman in tent, as if this is a huge revelation: "Ohhhhhh! Well, what's the number?"
Pastor (who sounds like he's covering annoyance with saccharine sweetness): "I'm gonna tell ya in just a second, praise the Lord!"
Awww Lady: "Awwwwww!"

As the pastor calls out the correct number, we hear Gary giving him support, yelling "That's the first mistake you've made all day." So someone has to ask for the number again, since Gary has drowned it out.

They sing Stand Up for Jesus, and the pastor takes no chance - he asks "What are we going to sing now, Miss Rebecca?" And yet . . .

Becky: "Footprints of Jesus."
Pastor: : "Footprints of Jesus."

A woman in the tent calls out something I can't hear, the pastor asks "What's that?" and she says something again.

Pastor: "It may say Footsteps of Jesus, in the song it says Footprints of Jesus, but in the book it says Footsteps of Jesus. But we're going to sing about Jesus, amen?"

He tells them the number, and says "We'll do four verses - we're feeling robust today."
Woman in tent: "I have five in mine."
Pastor: "We can sing the last one twice, if ya want."
Awww Lady: "Awwwwww!"

I don't think the Holy Spirit is moving in this crowd, but the ghosts of Abbot and Costello may be there.

I went to look up the hymn at Hymnary.org, and found this:

Spoiler

As it turns out, this is the one they sing, as Becky limps along on the "rig."

And the pastor turns things over to Gary. More to follow . . .