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Bro Gary Hawkins 18: Bro In My State...State of the Bro


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Carry on from here:

 

Edited by Coconut Flan
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I don’t know how to carry quotes over from the last thread, but thoughtful’s heroic summary of Bro Gary’s nonsense included this:

 

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Gary is screaming about the end times. "Oliver B. Greene said we were in the last hours, an' ahwahnna say ah think we're in the last secondsss."


The Reverend Mr. Greene died in 1976, so I don’t exactly understand the time scale these gentlemen are working on!

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One day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day, *she said piously*

(2 Peter 3:8)

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@thoughtful quoted Bro Gary:

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"Even Fay-roh's horses and chariots, and his horses hey so number one here what's goin' ohn, ah mean hey he mentioned a little bit 'bout sand and hard rock this mornin' an' the solid rock an' all those things listen hey, ah don' know ah'm sure maybe ya uh a little bit different beach up here ya got rock an' rather sand an' we got it down South 'n' whatever but y'know what - what  how in thee world are you gonna turn sand inta rock? How in the may - listen hey we cain't really do that ah mean ah know you can mix it up with mortar an' you can make concrete 'n' all that kinda stuff but ah'm talkin' 'bout just pure sand, nothin' but sand, the Red Sea,  anahwahnna say sumpin' to ya that was listen, ya talkin' about a miracle? That's a miracle ya say wha? Because G-  anything can happen  with God, amen?"

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So this is just a tangentially-related sort of thing, but Pastor Nathan Rager posted on Bro's FB timeline at least once that I found (I don't have @thoughtful's ability to deep dive into Garyland).  @PumaLover recorded the interaction back in thread 11.

Well, this guy was arrested 10 days ago for domestic assault and he had the gall to Tweet about his wife's "struggles with mental health" and threaten legal action on anyone who doesn't "bind their tongues & keyboards" (gee, I hope I don't go to jail, lol).

Posting because I hate that this gaslighting a-hole is getting an enraging amount of support on FB.  (Not advocating for interacting or brigading, just venting.)

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Edited by forgetmenow
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15 hours ago, forgetmenow said:

Nathan Rager

Well, what an appropriately-named piece of shit this guy is. Thanks for bringing this to our attention.

Hey, Paul, no worries - God's just working a few things out. No more serious than your broken air conditioner. 🙄

Oh, and Nathan - "back in the fight" was not a good choice of words.

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Dear Nathan, don't beat your wife or kids. OK bye thanks.

 

On what basis would there be legal action?

Edited by AmazonGrace
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This guy may need his own thread.

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Jovial and comical, my ass.

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It looks like he assaulted his wife in a stairwell while she was holding their 2 yo. Then, he posted that he wanted prayers as he healed his family and took a sabbatical. He blamed her mental health for needing to step away. And threatened anyone who talked about what happened. What happened, you ask? This 400 lb "pastor" got arrested for domestic violence. He's a POS.💩

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I posted about Nathan Rager in the Fundie  Crimes and Scandals section. I didn't realize he knew Gary. Did he hire Gary to preach?

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30 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I posted about Nathan Rager in the Fundie  Crimes and Scandals section. I didn't realize he knew Gary. Did he hire Gary to preach?

I don't know. I looked at the link @forgetmenow posted, to the old thread, and didn't see anything indicating any more than the fact that he'd posted on Gary's facebook. I'll keep looking, but, for now, it seems they've only "met" on facebook.

 

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4 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

I don't know. I looked at the link @forgetmenow posted, to the old thread, and didn't see anything indicating any more than the fact that he'd posted on Gary's facebook. I'll keep looking, but, for now, it seems they've only "met" on facebook.

 

Yeah, I can't see either of their friend lists, so I can't follow the relationship further.  I knew I had heard the name before, but I was expecting a Rod connection, to be honest.  

Edited by forgetmenow
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This guy and Gary appear to be separated at birth:

large, pasty male with beard and unflattering glasses - check

holding Bible (doubtless KJB) - check

ill-fitting suit - check

Dubious-credentialed pastor - check

treats family like crap - check

violent temper - check

virulent homophobic (and doubtless racist and sexist) views - check

His grammar and spelling are better than Gary’s (though that’s a bar so low it’s digging its own hole), but otherwise, they might be twins. 

 

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Posted (edited)

Monday under the tent at Solid Rock Baptist Church in Gouldsboro ME, Gary claims he once came up with a message right before he began to preach, and two people got save that night. He warns them that he's going to "preach ohn Hell."

The reading is, I think (some got cut off in the continuing video skips):

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+16%3A19-33&version=KJV

Anyway, it's Lazarus - oh, sorry - "Lazaruth" -  and the rich man. Happily, there was not a skip when Gary made this error:

KJV:  if one went unto them from the dead, they will repent.
Bro Gary Version: if one went unto them from the dead, they would not repent.

Gary tells them he "got ta thinkin', whahl ah was settin' down there a little bit ago," reading the Bible, "what is it like in Hell."

And he proceeds to spew all of the crap he's said a thousand times about Hell, the rich man still in torment, how many people have died and gone to Hell since he woke up that morning, Becky's grandmother not riding in a car in Heaven with Burt Reynolds,  Estus Pirkle's Burning Hell (if you google, "ya gotta put 'fi'm' on the end of it!"), back in the day before they gave you "madison" to keep you calm when you're dying, you could tell people knew they were going to Hell as they died (complete with screaming impression of dying person), how he used to play church, God said all lives matter, don't tell kids they're saved.

Gary tells them he hates pain. "Three weeks ago, four weeks ago, ah don't know, it's been a little bitta tahm now, ah set up this tent in Iowa. An' whenever ah picked up mah little thing to put the stake down, mah finger got caught between the - thing - and the - rod."

Poor Gary - his hand "swolled up." And he has a theory that it hurt even more when the swelling went down, because "the swellin' was coverin' some of it up."

Dr. Gary - a medical genius.

He also describes his case of shingles, and how it burned, and a time when he was trying to put a piece of sheetrock up over his mother's stove, accidentally turned the stove on when he set his drill down, reached down without looking down, and touched the fire.

And none of that is as bad as Hell.

The rich man in Hell has all of his senses, not like people who've lost their sense of smell or taste due to Covid, or Becky when she has allergies and can't breathe, or himself when he had pneumonia. He relishes describing how people in Hell are very aware of the smoke, and imitates a person screaming to get out again.

Hell is "a reality place!"

He tells his story about "the guy" who kept rejecting God, then changed his mind, and God wouldn't come back and "deal with him" again. He has some more fun imitating this man, screeching for God to come deal with his heart. Gary is louder and higher-pitched than anything we have ever heard from JillRod.

More standard stuff - your casket could be ready nearby, every second six people die, all of them going in the Rapture on  a Sunday, and leaving their cars in the parking lot. 

This time he adds some screaming and gore to his description of the unsaved townsfolk coming into the church when the cars spark their curiosity: "There's nothing but blood, there's nothing but bodies layin' there, an' they're gonna say" (incredibly loud scream) "WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPUHHNED? WHAT HAPPUHHHHHHNED?

You don't have to be sick to die, which, of course, leads to talking about Mrs. McFadden's death, and the girl who died right after refusing to listen to J. Harold Smith tell her it was her last chance to get saved. Of course, he imitates her shrieking, horrible death, as well.

Gary babbles about his grandmother's death: "Mah grandmother passed away, ah guess it's been - it'll be nahn years this October ah guess it was, 'n' we - she was buried in a Methodist church, 'n' we had a good Baptist preacher ta preach the gospel, amen. But this woman got up, an' she put her hand on the casket, 'n' she put her hand up - ah hope mah grandmother's in Heaven, 's'all ah can say. Ah seen 'er do a little bitta good stuff, 'n' then ah seen 'er go backwards."

He hopes his grandmother's in heaven, but that woman and her hand didn't do a thing.

After more of the usual Gary Hell stuff, he mentions that it's nice and cool in the basement where they are staying (I don't know if it's the basement of the church, the furniture store, or the pastor's house, or some other basement), but "ah come outta that basement, ah took Rascal out to go to the bathroom, and that sun was boomin.'"

Hey - Gary did a chore! And the sun booms! Isn't FJ educational?

Gary mentions, for the second time in this message, that he "finally got" his phone back. So I don't know if he left it somewhere, or broke it and needed it repaired.

Gare reverts back to some familiar riffs about soulwinning, what Heaven will be like, his sister-in-law asking Becky if she gets tired of the road (Becky, of course, dutifully said yes, but then somebody gets saved and it's all worth it), 500 towns in Maine without good churches, his father losing his chance to save the man who ran the gas station because he died.

Gary tells them to turn to "Revelations 20:16." No such thing, Gary. He corrects the verse, but still, of course, puts the "s" on both Revelation and verse, and reads, with many errors:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+20%3A10-15&version=KJV

Hell is bad. Heaven is better. Gary is going there. You should, too.

 

 

Edited by thoughtful
riffles
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7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Hell is "a reality place!"

Given it's the Big Brother finale this week I tend to agree with him.

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Posted (edited)

Tuesday's video from under the tent at Solid Rock Baptist Church in Gouldsboro ME starts with Gary already in the middle of telling them that God wasn't trying to find Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden when He called for them - He knew where they were, being God, and just wanted to make sure they knew where they should be, and He'll do the same to you.

I don't know how many readings we missed. I do eventually figure out that his theme is How I Know Jesus Cares.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+10%3A10&version=KJV

He says "may" instead of "might."

"Hey, the thief is come to steal, the steef- the thief is come to destroy, an' listen hey - they're doin' a good job of destroyin' America, amen? Ah was talkin' t'whoever that lady was today there down at uh down at the pantry a little bit, 'n' talkin' about our country, it's in a mess. But you know what? God keers - that's people that wohna steal what we've got, that's people that wohnt stuff that we have, you got thieves all acrost the country, but God ain't that way."

"Wohna" and "wohnt" are my best approximations of how Gary says "want to" and "want."

Mostly familiar Garyshit follows.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+5%3A8&version=KJV

Jesus loves unconditionally, unlike people.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+6%3A23&version=KJV

Jesus' gift lasts, unlike other gifts.

Gary announces 1 Thessalonians, verse 13, but doesn't give a chapter. I figure out that it's:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Thessalonians+4%3A13-18&version=KJV

If we knew when the Lord was coming back, we'd wait until the last second to "get right."

Speak for yourself, Gary.

He tells us again that the basement is cool, and that he took Rascal out to go to the bathroom. Heaven will be cool, also.

I wonder if dogs will need to be walked in Heaven.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+1%3A18-21&version=KJV

Gary screams inarticulately about Jesus paying the cost - nothing new.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+2%3A24-25&version=KJV

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+John+1%3A9&version=KJV

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+19%3A10&version=KJV

Lots more that he's said a thousand times before.

He does tell a cute story about Sofia - he says that one morning "some years ago," she got up early and helped herself to cookies. When  asked who gave her permission to have cookies for breakfast, she said "Wasn't nobody else up, so I asked myself, and myself said I could."

You phoned this one in, Gary.

Edited by thoughtful
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Posted (edited)

There were supposed to be revival services last night and tonight, but I don't see videos for either day on Becky, Gary or the Pastor's facebook. Maybe they gave up trying to do the lives, due to the sound issues.

Tomorrow is "youth day"  - with water balloons! Do the youths get to throw them at Gary? I want to see that!

Edited by thoughtful
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9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Tomorrow is "youth day"  - with water balloons! Do the youths get to throw them at Gary? I want to see that!

How 'bout a dunk tank... with Gary in it.

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An old tired question from Gary got some answers this time:

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The brain trust strikes again.

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

An old tired question from Gary got some answers this time:

  Hide contents

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The brain trust strikes again.

That's a bit tricky of Bro Gary since he doesn't have a real job.  It's pretty easy to put church first when you don't even attempt to support yourself.  Sis Xan will be more than happy to plant a Holy Church for Women Wearing Pants (open 7 days a week!) if Gary and his pals would send her a few thousand a month.

Edited by Xan
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There is now a video up from yesterday's session. So, um . . . yay?

OK, folks - the video of Thursday evening under the tent, at Solid Rock Baptist Church in Gouldsboro ME, starts with Gary saying, in a dull, desultory tone: "All the tahm, all the tahm, God is good, so . . . "

He goes on to talk about plans to take down the tent after this service, flicks away at his face and says "Man, if ah had a gun, ah'd kill that bug."

A man offers to go get one. Gary laughs, and goes back to talking about taking down the tent, because it's supposed to rain. They may have the last service indoors, and "ah think the youth thing has been called off because nobody's comin'."

Are you all torn between being thrilled that people are staying away and disappointed not to see what the plan was for the water balloons?

Gary asks if there are prayer requests or testimonies. A man is thankful for his new job. I don't know what he says about it due to a skip, but I think it may have been something about the job coming with medical insurance, because Gary's answer (still sounding dull and bored): "Amen. Praise the Lord. Hallelujah. Thank God for a good job, yes. Praise the Lor - yes, seldom, very seldom do ah go to a doctor's office, so, but uh, do pray for 'em, 'cause 'specially durin' this Covid, ah mean it's been  . . . it's been a bad thing. It has definitely been a bad thing, so . . . praise the Lord, hallelujah, so . . . anything else? Anything else."

Gary, stay awake. You're supposed to be lighting a revival spark.

A prayer, some skips, some music, and then: "Listened to a little bit last night, Rodney turned on the television, Trump, and . . . Abbit and Sha - Sean or Shayne was doin' a uh - they're doin' a th - video down there ah said last naht pray for Texas they're raht now in the process of buildin' the wall around Texas amen? So when they git that wall around Texas ah think ah'm just gonna move down there - " Skip. " . . . we gotta keep our ahs on Jesus."

Some old Garyshit, more music, prayers for Marie's healing and talk about blaming the devil for her seizures, all interrupted with lots of skips, then we hear Gary saying:

"Ah don't listen to gossip, ah don't even listen to gossip from preachers, amen? But . . . far as ah know, ah know ah've never met this young lady, ah 'preciate her comin', ah don't know how many of ya - ah know Brother Chris said some new people've been comin' an' thank God for that praise the Lord, but whoever's under this teeyunt other than mah family we need to pray for these young men, too, 'at's . . . " Skip.

After the skip, he is sighing, and talking about how he didn't have to see his mother go through bad health until he was a grown man, and how it must be hard on Chris and Marie's children to see their Mom ill.

I wonder if Gary actually thought of this on his own. I can't help feeling he needed prompting from Becky.

He rambles some more about trying to follow the Lord, and planning to take the tent down because he has to travel to another meeting, reverts to his "don't quit," "the devil's real" riffs, and finally announces a reading, still in his bored, tired voice.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+peter+5&version=KJV

Due to the skips, I don't hear enough to catch any interesting errors. I can tell he reads the whole chapter.

Other than some bits and pieces broken up by skips, the next thing we hear is: "This Hallmark channel, and ah don't recommend movies, that's just the way ah am, amen? But the Hallmark movies are now playing sodomy shows - two men, two women - that's what's goin' ohn in our world.  As it was in the days of Noah."

This is his Are You Ready for the Coming Things? message.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+5%3A43-44&version=KJV

Are you ready to love the way God loves? Gary does his usual reluctant spew about how he didn't love everybody before he got saved, but now he has to, because God.

And he gets up to yelling mode for his usual crap about loving everybody, even those who pick on preachers and think they only work one hour a day.

He screamingly announces Matthew chapter 16, then gets quiet and says it's chapter 6.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+6%3A33-34&version=KJV

He stumbles over it.

Are you ready to live holy? The usual "peculiar, separate, righteous, holy but not holier-than-thou" crap follows, as well as the usual comparison of a pregnancy "showing" to how Jesus being inside of you should show.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=job+1%3A1&version=KJV

Gary makes sure they know that "exchew evil" means "hate sin." He launches into the story about when somebody "offered me what they call weed," and how God saved him from enjoying it, and how putting "needles in your body" is a new development, and now weed is legal, and cell phones are ruining our children.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+14%3A15&version=KJV

Gary whines about churches not having a second service on Sundays, and how church is issintial, and he's not throwin' rocks at anybody, but he never missed a service during the pandemic (that's a lie, BTW, although it's more likely he just forgot), and sports are now on Sunday and Wednesday nights because they hate God, and gives a long description of all of the recent weeks he went to church almost every night.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+1%3A8&version=KJV

Are you ready to tell someone about God? And he spews about Godbothering at "Walmarts" and work, and boasts about how he broke the law on the reservations, and preached to the "president of the United Nations."
Jacob: "Navajo Nations."
Gary: "Navajo Nations."

Whatever he's president of, Gary bravely told him off!

He yells about judging - if you "put people in Heaven" that don't belong there, you're judging just as much as he does by saying they go to Hell. If you don't tell the world about Jesus, blood will run off of your hands in Heaven.

He announces 1 Corinthians 5:10, starts reading it:

KJV: Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous,
BGV: Yet not altogether with fornication of this world, or - nor - lemme look, ah b'lieve ah'm in the wrong place gimme just a second here . . . ah b'lieve it's 2 Corinthians, let me see . . . yeah, 2 Corinthians, sorry 'bout that, lemme fix that before ah mess up . . . "

And he makes them wait while he corrects his notes for the next time he uses these readings as his freshly God-given inspiration for the same crap he always says.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+5%3A10&version=KJV

"We're gonna stand before God. Ya ever been to a courtroom? One of the - ah think it was Seth, said a whahl ago that he read on some news that Bill Cosby was released outta prison. Nowahdohn know whether he done what he's supposed - ah don't know all that, listen hey - ah'm not Beeyull Cosby, ah'm Gary Hawkins so ah gotta worry 'bout Gary Hawkins amen? Ya say wha? One day Gary Hawkins is gonna stand before a mighty God, a mighty just God. Listen, hey, an' it ain't gon' be like these judges that make mistakes 'n' put people in prison or put people in jail or do things to people that they shouldn't do. This is God we're talkin' about, He's gonna be a righteous judge, and yes, every. Knee. Will. Bow before God one day. "

Gary knows he's going to be judged for his preaching, and whether or not he passed out enough tracts and knocked on enough doors.

He tells the awful story of his daughter calling out in the night to ask about what happens to the saved at Judgment day, and his telling her some will not have crowns to throw at Jesus, just ashes.

He announces the next reading, and belligerently says he knows they read it the other day, and they're going to read it again.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+20%3A11-15&version=KJV

Lots of errors, and long hisses on "workssss." Then he enjoys repeating how the unsaved will be "Cast! Into the lake of fahrrr."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+22%3A3-4&version=KJV

Are you ready to meet Jesus face to face?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+3%3A1-10&version=KJV

Among the many errors and non-KJV modernizations, we get:

KJV: The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth:
BGV: The wind bloweth where it listeneth, and thou heareth the sounds thereof, but canneth not tell whence it comes and whether it goeth:

You must be born again, Gary won't say the word "obituary" because it sounds like "cussin'," we could all die any second, you know the drill.

"Y'know whatcha gotta do, ya gotta believe with your heart. Do you know that a person that is lost, they got a head belief, they believe that there is a God, but they've never believed ohn Him, they've never let Him let Him inside of his heart, y'know what they're 18 inches . . . from Heaven."

There's a long silence while he lets that profundity sink in. I guess he's saying the heart is 18 inches from the brain (?). The phrase sounds like something from a dirty song lyric, though.

Gary says there's a movie called "Left Behahnd," and he has no interest in seeing it, but he's heard "bits and pieces," and "that movie does not in any way shape or form descrahb what bein' left behahnd really is lahk. But the Bahble does, amen!"

"Listen hey they say that there's a movie out there called the Crucifixion, ah've never watched it, ah'm not interested in watchin' it, ah know what the Bahble says."

Gary, there are several Left Behind movies. And, if you meant The Crucifixion, from 2017, it's probably just as well you never watched it - it's not about that crucifixion. I suspect he was thinking of The Passion of the Christ or Greatest Story Ever Told or The Last Temptation of Christ, or . . . . (it's a pretty long list).

Sinners, are you ready? Saints, are you ready? Becky, come to the piana.

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It's 60 degrees and rainy and windy in my part of Maine today.  I can't imagine the weather is great where Bro Gary is.

Maybe the 'youths' decided it was a little too chilly for a water balloon activity?  That would mean they are way smarter than the adults in charge of that outfit.  

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47 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Some old Garyshit

I love this so much.

The trouble with booking so many church services is that now Gary has had a chance to get bored with his own shtick.  Add onto that how pissy he gets when the crowd doesn't pick up on his "cup the ear and say Amen" routine and you're going to get Gary being even more half-assed than usual.

I sort of wish Jacob and Becky wouldn't correct Gary's mistakes.  It only makes him mad.

I'm always half-hoping that a stiff wind picks up the tent and Gary with it and deposits it elsewhere.  Oz, perhaps.

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Gary, I don't think this came off the way you wanted:

image.png.41fbc916d17e22528d8a4eae1048dcbf.png

In case anyone is wondering, I believe that little red thing is a lobster.

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5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He goes on to talk about plans to take down the tent after this service, flicks away at his face and says "Man, if ah had a gun, ah'd kill that bug."

Does he realize that if he had a gun and shot at the bug, he'd be shooting at his face?

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  • Coconut Flan changed the title to Bro Gary Hawkins 18: Bro In My State...State of the Bro

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