Bro Gary Hawkins 18: Bro In My State...State of the Bro

[Joyster]

20 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary says he promises them his 10-day-old grandbaby has already sinned.

Little Ruthie, you deserve someone other than Gary for your grandpa-- he's a schtick dreck.

[thoughtful]

9/20, in Groton NY, Gary continues on the theme No One Keered for Me  - Like Jesus, using Isaiah 53 as his text.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah+53&version=KJV

He re-reads verse seven, then goes off on familiar riffs. He says he has a bad temper, and "stupid people make ya wanna be stupid," but Jesus didn't open his mouth when he was tortured.

Gary says he's just as guilty as "the rest of ya are," when it comes to not keeping his mouth shut. The captions have a tough time with that mumble:

Spoiler

This goes from a moderate  yell to a rage: "Ahmahnna tellya raht now it's not always easy, listen hey 'specially whenever ah'm travelin', an' Becky's playin' with Tupperware and Jacob's back there either asleepin' or playin' with his phone. Ah'm travelin' so ah have to turn the CD ohn listen t'some music an' trah t'become spirichal or ah git depressed an' ah turn ohn the world news an' ah figure out what's goin' ohn amahnna tell you raht now, there is tahms that ah wanna take mah - listen, hey, ah said  somethin' t'Brother Mike the other day, 'Ah hope ah never see Joe Bahden, 'cause ah'm lahble t'do somethin' ah shouldn't do, in the name of God amen!'"

And he goes right back to Jesus not saying a word during His tortures. Again, the captions have trouble with mock. Gary says "He let them mock Him and make fun of Him," and we get:

Spoiler

Gary says he's about to tell a story he rarely tells, and "it's all under the blood anyway." Don't get your hopes up - it's not anything truly scandalous.

Years ago, he was door knocking for Brother Henry (the violin preacher). He says he used to wear a suit and tie, but doesn't do that any more because he doesn't want anyone to think he's a Jehovah's Witness. He says he hadn't even gotten to the door, and a man . . . well, let's let Gary tell it, in his own, um  - syllables.

"He tore his own door down, gittin' out t'do - t'get to me, here's what - 'Whattayou want? Whattaya doin' ohn mah property?'"

The captions can't handle this at all:

Spoiler

Gary rattles off the calm, pleasant answer he claims he gave, all about the revival to which he was inviting people. Then he starts yelling again.

"An' ah mean he's cussin' up a storm, 'Ah don't want nothin' t'do with that stuff.' Listen hey, ah'm not as spiritual as y'all are, y'always gotcher little halos on best thing t'do is take it off y'ain't as good as y'think y'are, an' ah'm listen hey, an' he's just goin' ohn an' talkin' bad about our savior, an' everything an' ah turned aroun' an' said" (this is a super loud, high-pitched shriek) "GO TO HELL!"

I think Gary was speaking to the congregation with his usual "take your halos off" thing, not quoting the man in the story. But that's a guess. Gary says he knows they wouldn't do that, and assures them that he repented of it later.

Of course, he tells people that they are going to Hell at least a dozen times a day. I guess the big sin, in Gary's mind, was telling someone they should just go there and not try to get saved, using Hell as a "cuss word," losing his temper, or some combination of those things.

He says it was stupid, and, like Jesus, he should have kept his mouth shut. But then he quotes Jack Patterson as saying "Whenever the Bahble says turn the other cheek, ah'll turn the other cheek because ah'm beatin' him in the name of God, amen?"

Gary tells us that Jesus was slaughtered. "Mah grandmother used t'do pigs and cows."

Slaughter them, I assume.

He says when it was done, you could still tell what kind of animal it was, and goes back to gory and gruesome descriptions of how "they didn't do Jesus like that," and how he was unrecognizable as human. 

He yells about automobile accidents for a while, and, of course, how what Jesus endured was worse.

Then, on to comparing Jesus' tortures to fighting. Gary assures them that, although he didn't know it 20 years ago, he now knows that professional wrestling is fake. But "boxin' ain't."

Somehow, from there, he gets to (I think) talking about how easily bruises come up on the thin skin of old people. I'll spare you the details, but, once again, he gets gory, and yells about how horrible Jesus looked for a while.

Then he compares it (I think - it's hard to tell) to some videos he saw of surgeries, then to people he's seen get beaten up, including an incredibly gory description of a knifing that happened to a cousin's boyfriend.

This is a responsive church, but I haven't heard any amens or other sounds of approval for a while, and no answers to "Am ah makin' sense tonaht?" Interestingly, Gary doesn't seem to care.

He re-reads verse nine.

In quiet-but-disgusted mode, he says, "As ah travel up and down the road, ah hear stupid people makin' up stupid stuff. Did you know there's a crowd out there that said that Jesus slept with Mary Magdalene." Long pause. "That's false. Jesus never slept with anybody."

His scripture to prove this? It's under a spoiler, in case you want to guess first.

Spoiler

Matthew 8:20   And Jesus saith unto him, The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

He says "There's your scripture - Jesus didn't sleep."

Gary has to know that "slept with" is a euphemism for "had sex with" - right? I mean, right?

Not to mention, does he actually think that this bit of poetic writing means that Jesus literally never slept? What happened to that "wholly man" part he was supposed to experience? Oh, and isn't one of Gary's favorite stories about Jesus asleep in the boat when the storm came?

I look for any sign that he's joking or being sarcastic, but I see none.

Gary starts listing all of our sins that Jesus died for. He says "sodomy's a pretty bad sin." I think the captions know the Andersons, though:

Spoiler

After many reiterations of how Jesus never sinned, Gary reads verse seven again, and says Jesus "took mah judgment."

And he builds up to a shrieking description of being about to be condemned by a judge's "little hammer," and Jesus coming in to take his place.

The tadpoles make an appearance. The captions skip them entirely. Good call, captions.

He re-reads verse nine again,  and says Jesus took his death.

He talks about someone they knew who died that morning. His wife predeceased him by ten years, and Gary screams that he spent that time "begging" to go where his wife is.

.Gary yells some more about how Jesus took his death, then re-reads verse 12.

He babbles some sentence fragments about Jesus and intercession. Gary doesn't know quite what a 401K is, but he knows some people have them, and that those benefits will run out. But Gary's benefits "will never - listen, hey, they are outta this world!"

Gary, while we're still here on this earth, some of us like to know we can pay for our own needs, rather than being a burden on other hard-working humans. But you wouldn't know about that.

Gary mumbles to the end, repeating how Jesus cares for him, and how Gary cares for others because Jesus cares for him, with a quick detour about Brother Kilgore saying how wicked and vile something is (the US? Some other place? Hard to tell), and another to say that Dale Morey grew up in a rough environment (but Jesus cares for him!) and to call Becky to the piano.

And countless iterations of the word "care" in Gary's voice has made me crave an ear cleanser. Bill Kenny's voice should do it:

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

28 minutes ago, Joyster said:

Little Ruthie, you deserve someone other than Gary for your grandpa-- he's a schtick dreck.

Y'know, I have the satisfying experience of having students take my suggestions and all the time. My Mom is always thanking me for something I suggested or bought to make her life easier.

But having a fellow adult who I've never even met in person use something I suggested is a whole new thrill.

Thanks, @Joyster! You are a mensch, and I am kvelling over your accurate usage.

[Jasmar]

14 hours ago, thoughtful said:

In quiet-but-disgusted mode, he says, "As ah travel up and down the road, ah hear stupid people makin' up stupid stuff

So he does talk to himself during those long drives, while Becky is playing with the Tupperware and Jacob is sleeping.

14 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary assures them that, although he didn't know it 20 years ago, he now knows that professional wrestling is fake.

Also, Gary not knowing professional wrestling was fake surprises no one.

[thoughtful]

3 hours ago, Jasmar said:

Also, Gary not knowing professional wrestling was fake surprises no one.

I know - I was chuckling to myself when I typed it, thinking "He thought it was real 20 years ago, but knows better now. Pretty good, for Gary."

Also,  since I did a C&P for the proof text he quoted to inform them that Jesus did not have sex with Mary Magdalene, I didn't make it clear how he said it. He said he knew that never happened, because Jesus said, "The foxes have hohhhhhhhhles" - I mean, he held that "o" for a long, long time.

And I thought, dude, were are you going with this?

I was actually relieved that he was only talking about literally sleeping!

[thoughtful]

On September 21, at Heritage Baptist Church in Groton NY, Gary follows up Becky's singing Somebody Go Get God by telling the congregation that we need Him now more than ever.

"And uh, Brother Don ah texted because ah lahk pickin' ohn 'im 'bout his ice cream an' ah said 'Where's the ice cream?' He said it was in the freezer, uh but it would be ready in mah trailer tomorrow naht so praise the Lord they got it done."

Is someone at the church in King Ferry (that's the only Brother Don I know of) fixing Gary's trailer? Did Don promise Gary still more ice cream? Is the ice cream going into the trailer? Is the trailer being wired up to hold frozen food?

Who knows - it's the mystery of Gary's mind.

After burbling for a while about the old days when people wanted to come to church, how much more fellowshipping they'll get to do in Heaven, how he's booked up through November and doesn't know how he's going to make it, because "ah'm tahred, ah'm wore out," (but he's not complaining!) and how there is lots of food from the previous night, and they need to eat it, or Miss Jeannie's going to make Gary eat leftovers, Gary announces 1 Peter 13.

He reads verses 13-14.

KJV: not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance:
BGV: not fashioning yourselves according to the form of lust in ignorance:

Then he says that's not what he wanted to read, fumbles about, asks Becky where "be ye holy" is, a man and Becky say "Next verse."

Back to 1 Peter.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+peter+1%3A13-16&version=KJV

And he yells for a while about being holy.

If you're doing something for God, the devil will show up. Apparently, the devil most recently showed up in the form of a young woman.

"Ah just thought about it whenever that young lady come, ah mean, ah don't know what she said, it ain't really nonema business, ah know somethin' about her child wouldn't come back to church here or whatever but ah'm gonna tellya raht now one of these days she's gonna answer t'God amen?"

After saying that she must have heard the plan of salvation at some point in her life, he goes on, "An' what's she doin'? She's gonna come in here, she's gonna upset the applecart, she's gonna let the devil use her, ananananan  now you need t'be keerful, ah understand we keer about people, but ah'm just gonna let you know somethin' hey we need not let the devil upset us 'at much amen? You say wha? Well, if he gets your joy, guess what you're not gonna do much."

And once again, the captions think "joy" is "Joey."

So I guess, to Gary, what the woman's issue was is a

Spoiler

moo point!

 

Then he veers off into a story about how another preacher's kids were being normal kids, and Gary thinks they're good kids, but someone else thought they were being too rowdy; "This happened in Maine, an' it got all the way to Florida so just remember one thing - the gossip ain't gonna stop."

Even Gary realizes how far off track he is, asks what all of this has to do with being holy, and jokes (?) that he just needed "an advertisement, amen."

While walking that morning, Gary "got to thinking." He says he's trying to lose weight again "So Miss Jeannie can't call me fat, amen."

They laugh.

While he was walking, he listened to a preacher, then a different preacher, then "cut it off" (see, now that makes sense, Gary) because he needed to pray and talk to God.

He screams about everyone being wicked, including himself, then says he made sure to say he's wicked to give Jeannie something to amen about, then yells lots of familiar stuff, and we never find out what God told him on his walk, if anything, or whether this message has a title.

"Go t'John chapter 12 real quick-like." He reads one verse:

KJV: The same came therefore to Philip, which was of Bethsaida of Galilee, and desired him, saying, Sir, we would see Jesus.
BGV: The same came therefore to Philip, which was of Bethses - Betheh seeya of Galileeah, and desired him, saying, Sirssss - that we would see  - Jesus.

"Does people see Jesus in you?"

Gary lists all of the places they went that day - Lowe's, Aldis and another supermarket, and, of course "Walmarts."

He hopes people saw Jesus in him.

I just hope he and his family aren't virus vectors while they wander around maskless and unvaccinated.

He screams on about people seeing Jesus in him for a while, then:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+john+1%3A7&version=KJV

Gary yells about walking and talking with Jesus for a while, being peculiar, and the picture of Lester Roloff with the eyes that followed him around the room.

He's getting antsy about not getting responses.

He announces John 1, then John 12:1, then says it's Romans.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+12%3A1&version=KJV

We may be getting a bit more information about the woman who was in league with the devil. Gary says sadly, "Ah watched Miss Jeannie as she walked away. That hurt. Gettin' ________ (it sounds like "shot," but I'm pretty sure he meant "shout") at. For what? For teachin' a child about God."

Perhaps there was a confrontation with a woman about her child being brought to the VBS by someone else without her permission, or what they taught there. We get no further information from Gary.

After getting in one jab; "ah'm gon' trah to be nice to her for once in mah life amen," Gary yells about how much work Jeannie does, including "finally gettin' Brother Mike ready," and finishes with "she's gotta realize the devil's got a gun aimin' at her."

Gary says that, if they could reach everybody, they'd be done by now, since the earth is about 6000 years old. "The scientists ain't got it down pat yet."

"What about those 13 people that, just because some STU-PID PERSON hadta make a STUPID decision."

I assume he is talking about the 13 service members killed in Kabul, and the "stupid person" is Joe Biden. But again, it's a fragment, so who knows. This was before the Kroger shooting, BTW, so it's not that. Gary probably wouldn't get that angry about that, anyway.

"If God was done, wouldn't we be outta here?"

He rambles about door knocking, and a relative of Brother Henry's who wonders why he doesn't close his church, and how they should keep having revivals, even if very few people show up.

He tries to say something nice about a woman, but prefaces it with needing Becky to say the name because "it ain't an American name" and he can't say it.

Anyway, they're all in a war with the devil, and that's about half of the message. More later, unless the devil gets me.

 

Edited September 26, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[Xan]

Today I was thinking about Gary's Jesus.  Gary believes that, as long as you say the right words and believe that Jesus came to save you, you're pretty much good to go.  You're saved forever.  Baptism won't do that but the right KJV incantation will do the trick.  You'll have to keep on going to church, paying the preachers, and pestering other folks about Hell but you've been purchased "by the blood".  That's it.  Your mansion in Heaven awaits you.

You don't have to succeed in business or be a great family man or even be good to your neighbor.  You don't even have to earn a living.  You can make nasty remarks and have a checkered past.  You still get that mansion.

And, best of all, Jesus died for everyone -- past, present, and future.  Good people, rotten people, murderers -- the whole lot are forgiven if they say the right words.  Gary truly believes that the one death was all that's needed to save the planet.  I don't think I'd really considered this before now.  No wonder he's grasped onto this with both hands.  It's almost magical.  

For the record, I wasn't taught this in my semi-fundie church.  We were told that salvation was possible but it involved more than just coming to the altar and it could definitely taken back if you fell away from the correct beliefs.  We were told you have to live your faith along with professing it.  At no point did anyone suggest that Jesus' crucifixion was meant to absolve everyone from all their sins.

Maybe I'm thinking about this in the wrong manner but some of the stuff he says lately is just bizarre.

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

"Does people see Jesus in you?"

Gary lists all of the places they went that day - Lowe's, Aldis and another supermarket, and, of course "Walmarts."

He hopes people saw Jesus in him.

I just hope he and his family aren't virus vectors while they wander around maskless and unvaccinated.

He screams on about people seeing Jesus in him for a while, then:

So how does this Jesus Christ Supermarket thing work? Just how exactly are people able see Jesus in him? He's just so overwhelmingly holy that people can see it in his face and clothes?  Is it all the tracts? Because everyone knows Jesus gave out a lot of tracts. Does Gary walk around the Walmarts turning water into wine and healing the invalids? That why there are all those alcoholics  and so many electric wheelchairs abandoned on the aisles?

[Black Aliss]

15 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"And uh, Brother Don ah texted because ah lahk pickin' ohn 'im 'bout his ice cream an' ah said 'Where's the ice cream?' He said it was in the freezer, uh but it would be ready in mah trailer tomorrow naht so praise the Lord they got it done."

Is someone at the church in King Ferry (that's the only Brother Don I know of) fixing Gary's trailer? Did Don promise Gary still more ice cream? Is the ice cream going into the trailer? Is the trailer being wired up to hold frozen food?

Maybe there's an old mobile home  or camper on the church property that they use for their "prophet's quarters"?

[thoughtful]

17 hours ago, Xan said:

Gary truly believes that the one death was all that's needed to save the planet.  I don't think I'd really considered this before now.  No wonder he's grasped onto this with both hands.  It's almost magical.  

It's absolutely magical thinking. It's Charlie Bucket's golden ticket, only it gets you to Heaven, not the chocolate factory.

Once you believe, and "are saved," you cannot lose your salvation. But there are strings attached. His take on people who are saved, but don't "live holy," is that they will have some sort of punishment on Judgment Day. He doesn't use the term purgatory (way too Catholic!), but it sounds like he thinks there's some process of suffering first, then finally getting into Heaven.

Near the beginning of the 9/21 message about why it's important to "live holy," he said,  "If you're saved, borned agin bah the grace a'God, you kin live lahk you want to an' go to Heaven, but you'll wish to God you hadn't amen."

I can't remember him ever talking about the details, or the time frame. If someone else has, chime in.

His criteria for living holy seem to be dressing neatly and covering up as much skin as possible (women in skirts), not getting high, not smoking, not cursing, going to church as much as possible, trying to "save" everyone in your path, rejecting anything he perceives as "liberal," and giving money to men of God.

Did I miss anything?

Little details like threatening to kill the president and other losses of temper are moot (or moo!), as long as you repent and "crucify your flesh" for your error. Then you get to say "it's under the blood."

Things like mocking women and children, lying (not that he'd ever admit it), insulting Navajo people, and dragging your family all over the US for your vanity are not even sins - they are part of the ministry!

Every now and then, you need to say that you know you don't deserve it, that you should have hung on the cross, that you are "wicked, and desperately wicked," just to make sure people know Jesus knows how humble you are.

Oh, and the idea that other people may be doing the things they consider good because they are inspired by their belief, or just their decency, seems to be forbidden - Gary always accuses them of only doing anything good because they think that's what gets them into Heaven.

It's all very logical in his mind, and the minds of the people in the churches he visits.

Edited September 26, 2021 by thoughtful
missing word

[smittykins]

31 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Once you believe, and "are saved," you cannot lose your salvation. But there are strings attached. His take on people who are saved, but don't "live holy," is that they will have some sort of punishment on Judgment Day. He doesn't use the term purgatory (way too Catholic!), but it sounds like he thinks there's some process of suffering first, then finally getting into Heaven.

At my former fundie-light church(a nondenom which was definitely conservative—the pastor wouldn’t marry my mom and then-stepfather because both had been previously divorced—but nowhere near as extreme as some of the IFBs), there was a banner with a cross on it that said “I died for you—are you living for Me?”

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Black Aliss said:

Maybe there's an old mobile home  or camper on the church property that they use for their "prophet's quarters"?

Could be. I assumed it was Gary's trailer they were talking about.

He left the tent somewhere, and had to go back to take it down, so there was something going on that got in the way of his usual routine of taking down the tent, packing it in his trailer, and taking everything to the next location. At first, I just figured he couldn't get enough people together to do the work, or perhaps that the church where he had it set up was paying him for further use of it.

When he said someone was doing something to "mah trailer," it made me think that, perhaps, there was something wrong with his trailer again, and the church he was at said to leave the tent up for the meanwhile, since he couldn't take it to his next location anyway.

The two-week event in Groton is billed as a revival, and the weather has mostly been great there, so the fact that they are indoors also made me wonder if there was something going on with Gary's trailer and/or tent.

We miss a lot, I assume, because he's always preaching to a few people who have just been fellowshipping, and often have spent days together, so they all know one another's business, and may know what he's referring to when he speaks in fragments and mysteries.

Then again, it's Gary, so who knows? Maybe nobody knows what he's talking about. I'm still waiting for someone to call out "No! You really are not making any sense!" when he asks.

[AmazonGrace]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

His criteria for living holy seem to be dressing neatly and covering up as much skin as possible (women in skirts), not getting high, not smoking, not cursing, going to church as much as possible, trying to "save" everyone in your path, rejecting anything he perceives as "liberal," and giving money to men of God.

Did I miss anything?

 

Where does Yelling WhIle Wrong, and Picking Stupid Fights On Facebook fall in?  I am positive that  Gary thinks it's persecution when people disagree with him and tell him he's wrong, and if he's persecuted it proves he's as righteous as the prophets. 

 

10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

 

The skirts thing never made much sense to me, it's far easier to accidentally flash more skin in skirts than in pants. 

[thoughtful]

On September 21, at Heritage Baptist Church in Groton NY, Gary continues by reading the next verse:

KJV:  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
BGV:  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the reviewin' of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

If you're holy, you'll be in the will of God.

Gary says some preachers will claim to know what the will of God is for other people, but he'd tell them "_____________ (totally incomprehensible mumble of 10 syllables) you ain't gittin' it, so stupid, leave me alone, amen."

He yells about the "young punk" who stole all of the money from the church that now sits empty. Gary knows it's God's will that there should be a church there - he knows God's a church planter.

He talks about the two churches that asked him to be pastor, and, while talking about the chronology of events, lets slip that "we went an' let Becky see the kids and visit with her family a little bit." I don't think he's ever let on, in a message or post, that when Becky is "visiting family" in West Virginia, she is visiting her children as well as other relatives.

He tells them that, when one preacher called, he told Gary that his name was the first to come up when he announced that his retirement. I hear pride in your voice, Gary - bad boy.

He tells them that Becky was worried, because governors were closing churches, and asked him if he "might oughta find a church an' come off the road." We've heard this before - now he adds "The devil's like that - he's gonna go to yer wife first, amen."

He screams about how he asked her if she didn't understand that, if there was no place to evangelize, there would be no pastor jobs either. I hope he didn't scream at her like that when they had this conversation.

If they did.

Anyway, you know where this is going: "Ah know, without a shadow of a doubt, ah'm right in the center of God's will."

Gary says he knows because "ah got peace."

Then he screams about how the government wants to destroy the country, but has no idea that they are fulfilling Biblical prophesy. "So, hey - every tahm that Bahden get up and does somethin' stupid an' goes against God's word it's another day for another opportunity to know that ah'm fixin' t'go t'Heaven."

He tells the story of his sister in law asking Becky if she ever wanted to just come home - again. He leaves the devil out this time.

While talking about the revival in Ohio, he mentions that they had some "rough people," and tries to joke about wanting some bikers for this church: "Let 'em in here an' let 'em beat the daylights outta somebody else an' get somebody else saved amen."

We hear Becky and someone else giggling, but someone must be looking askance at Gary, because he says, "Some y'all don't know how t'take that, but it'll be alraht."

He boasts about the seven people saved in Ohio, and how early they had to get up to get to PA, where the preacher's daughter got saved.

"Ah lahk bein' in the perfect willa God. I lahk it ah said hey! Ya say wha? God gives you those handfulla premises, amen."

He babbles about the young woman Becky has been talking to about being saved, who didn't seem to think drinking was bad. Now we find out she's a friend of Caleb's, and they've been communicating via phone and Facebook messenger. Gary claims she said that Hell sounded like fun, and he told her that God would let her send herself to Hell, if that's what she wanted, and she called back five minutes later to apologize. "And then she got saved."

Or, according to the captions:

Spoiler

"Go t'first Corinthians real quick-like."

KJV: There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
BGV: There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will  - but will with -  the temptation also make ways to exscape, that ye may be able to bear. Bear it.

Gary ignores the fact that this verse is about temptations, and talks about the blessings of God.

Gary yells out the story of the broken truck, the conversion van, the van he has now, and the trailer - he says the Lord gave him the last two. Oh, and about the trailer, he says "It'll be back tomorrow naht, praise the Lord - bein' fixed raht."

So that mystery is at least partly solved.

He talks about how hard it was to get southern flour up north (I think Becky and Gary are White Lily aficionados), and how it was going to cost $15 a bag, but they found it for $8 with free shipping. Gary says "Ah took the $8 ah didn't have an' bought it amen."

And he goes on about gas prices, the devil trying to mess things up, but God always comes by and blesses the people that live right.

He does his line about how, as a child, he was "on drugs," because he "was drug to" every church service and camp meeting. I haven't mentioned if for a while, but he uses that one in practically every message.

Colossians 1:22 - KJV: In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight:
BGV: In the body of this flesh through death, to present your whole -  present you holy and unblameable and un - unapp - unproveable -
A Man, then Becky: "Reproveable."
Gary: Reproveable - in his sight

Then he reads it again, getting everything right, except that he adds a "the" before "death."

We ought to want to please God, like Jesus did.

God made us out of dirt. "Ah think the reason mah wahf's so hard-headed's 'cause she came from West Virginia where the hard clay is amen."

He mumbles something I can't understand, says he might have started a war, then Becky says. "Maybe your rib was just stubborn."

Gary goes back to screaming about being pleasing to the Lord. Most problems could be solved if we closed our ears up to the trash can.

He means not to listen to gossip.

He screeches (for no reason I can figure out), "You can like it, you can lump it, ah don't give a good flip, ah'll take mah half a baby aspirin an' go t'sleep, but most people are not gonna go t'the Assembly of God an' ask for prayer, because they know they cain't really git a prayer answered."

Quieter: "Am ah makin' sense?"

The captions think that's "and I have six."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+timothy+1%3A9&version=KJV

Gary wants to be holy because of the calling, which he doesn't deserve.

"Ah'm not. ah'm not mama-called and daddy-sent, ah'm God called and God sent. Because if it was up t'mah mama an' daddy ah'd be up in North Carolina, if it was up t'me."

Someone slips in a "yes" during that, and the captions have some trouble with it all:

Spoiler

"Ah was gonna buy a bus one tahm, but the Lord shut that down." Gary's fine with that, since it was the Lord's will (I bet, at the time, he thought it was the devil).

He never says why he brought that up, but we find out that the van is in Becky's name, and, when she tells him she's going to take it and leave, he tells her he will slash the tires as she's leaving.

But, of course: "That ain't her van. That ain't mah van. That's God's van."

Becky is among the people saying amen.

His grandchild is God's but "God's gonna let me use it."

Oy, Becky - teach him some better wording for that.

You can tell if it's a calling from God, because it will last. If it doesn't last, it wasn't from God.

Handy.

"Then go to Fizzions, and ah'm done."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+1%3A13&version=KJV

To be sealed, you have to believe. Gary is sealed by the blood. Canning season is finally over. Gary can't find canners in Yankee-land because they all freeze it.

He describes the canning process. I suppose he's watched women doing it before he went on the road - I know his grandmother canned things. He says that, when the cans seal, you hear a "pop."

"You know what happened to me on Julah 11, 1999? Ah got sealed - that pop. An' it's forever."

He yells about being holy so he won't be ashamed when he meets God, and talks (again) about the man who Gary claims was begging to be with his dead wife for 10 years.

He mumbles stuff about being holy for a while, then calls Becky to the piano.

 

[CTRLZero]

I wonder if Gary and Becky are squabbling more lately.  That must be a fun life on the road for all concerned.  😬 

[AmazonGrace]

Spoiler

He tells them that Becky was worried, because governors were closing churches, and asked him if he "might oughta find a church an' come off the road." We've heard this before - now he adds "The devil's like that - he's gonna go to yer wife first, amen

Does he seriously believe that living in one place is from Satan?

[thoughtful]

56 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

  Reveal hidden contents

He tells them that Becky was worried, because governors were closing churches, and asked him if he "might oughta find a church an' come off the road." We've heard this before - now he adds "The devil's like that - he's gonna go to yer wife first, amen

Does he seriously believe that living in one place is from Satan?

He believes (or claims to believe) that it would be for him, because he is absolutely sure that God called him to go on the road to evangelize. Ergo, to stay "in the perfect willa God," he must be on the road, and it is Satan tempting Becky to stay put.

Which means that his letting slip, twice, that his argument to Becky was that the pastor jobs would disappear anyway was a serious error on his part. Why wasn't it enough to just remind her that their traveling was the will of God, and that it was Satan giving her those ideas?

[missy1228]

Couple thoughts... I am wondering if the whole "Becky threatening to take the (God's?) van and leave and Gary threatening to slash the tires" actually happened, because that seems like an awfully specific metaphor, don't ya think?

Also, I'm wondering how many times Gary has to make threats against the President before the Secret Service finally shows up to one of his sermons and has a "friendly chat" with him. They take that sh** seriously.

[Xan]

Maybe Becky thought he would evangelize for a few years and get it out of his system.  Nope.  Now she's still stuck riding along and sleeping here and there while still being in charge of any meals Gary doesn't get from the locals for free.  If I were her, I'd threaten to leave too.  I don't think she understood how much Gary hates work and normal responsibilities.   Plus, he basically has one or two sermons with lots of the same stuff sprinkled in.  He couldn't be preaching every week to the same group.

I only hope Becky is privately making getaway plans of her own and that she allows Jacob to come along.

[thoughtful]

8 hours ago, missy1228 said:

I am wondering if the whole "Becky threatening to take the (God's?) van and leave and Gary threatening to slash the tires" actually happened

It's always hard to figure out what's made up, what was said in real anger, and what was the kind of teasing they do all the time (which I think is vicious, but Gary's whole family thinks is fun).

8 hours ago, missy1228 said:

 

Also, I'm wondering how many times Gary has to make threats against the President before the Secret Service finally shows up to one of his sermons and has a "friendly chat" with him. They take that sh** seriously.

Gary would be in persecuted martyr ecstasy! He'd ask them when they were going to put him in the electric chair.

Or, he'd just shit himself with fear when it happened, and work it into messages, describing his heroism, later.

2 hours ago, Xan said:

Maybe Becky thought he would evangelize for a few years and get it out of his system.

This seems likely.

2 hours ago, Xan said:

I only hope Becky is privately making getaway plans of her own and that she allows Jacob to come along.

Jacob is a minor, and not her child. I doubt she'd be able to take him along.

I prefer the idea of Jacob coming to an awareness of how toxic it all is, and breaking away as soon as he is old enough. I am sad to say that, at this point, he seems to be embracing their beliefs wholeheartedly.

Becky and Gary pretty much deserve one another.

[thoughtful]

The 9/22 video from Heritage Baptist Church in Groton NY begins with Gary saying "But ah got t'thinkin'."

Oh, goody! A brand new, original message!

The devil has been poking his head in everywhere Gary goes, and he's going to preach again about the devil. He's been reading Samuel, and just finished the part where David kills the giant, and he may get some messages out of that later in the week.

Can't wait.

Anyway, if the devil is already mad, they might as well poke him with a stick.

KJV: And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,
BGV: And there was a war in heaven, hey!  We oughtta have a war here on earth, amen? And Michael - in Heaven, Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,

After referring, not to this verse, but to Isaiah, to talk about the devil getting thrown out of Heaven, Gary yells on (this was all one spew - I broke it up into two paragraphs), slapping the lectern now and then:

"An' he took a good number of people with him, amen, listen, the devil's crowd's always gonna foller the devil. Amen? Ah mean ah dr- ah went down t'Pennsylvania what was it last week or whatever it was ah dunno where what wherever ah was at amen, an' ah git down there an' ah preach mah message an as usual somebody, some visitor happened t'come in an' he just happened t'wanna talk t'me, because ah he ah had upset his applecart, ah had said somethin' he didn't like, it was a little bit consoversy an' that's OK, an' he - he was - ah guess mah - his point was, that God was gonna shut me down!"

"Ah got a phone call today an' ah was talkin' t'mah son an' ah know it ain't no big deal he took mah son out uh uh for try to steal another convert ah'm ahnna tell ya raht now ah hate that devil amen! An' ah hate his crowd. He's trahin' to smooth mah boy inta comin' over t'him he said yer daddy never was discipled, yer grandpa was never disipled bah a man. He don't have no ahdea what ah was!"

I wonder what you are sometimes, too, Gary.

Gary tells them, of course, that he wanted to drive to North Carolina, "beat the daylights" out of this man, "then come back up here an' do revahval."

"Ah told Becky today, ah wish people would leave me alone, 'cause every tahm ah fahnd out somebody's runnin' their mouth about me, and it's OK, God throws something else on mah plate. Ah think He's gonna kill me before it's all over with."

The devil does things, others "run their mouth" about Gary, and God throws things on his plate. And Gary can't seem to see that his words or actions (or inaction) have anything to do with it. Narcissism 101.

So Gary, is there anything resembling a message coming after all of this personal griping and threats of violence? Oh, wait - he's back to wanting to stir up the devil.

After telling us that Jesus and the devil were arguing over Job (chronology, Gary), he reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=job+1%3A20&version=KJV

He screams about Job for a while. He also cites times when he was not feeling well, but went to church and got up to preach anyway, and God made him feel better. Of course, this contradicts his "have common sense and stay home if you're sick and nobody will catch the Covid" belief. So he slips in the fact that he didn't have a fever, and he knew it wasn't the Covid or anything else that was contagious.

Thanks, Doctor Hawkins.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=job+1%3A22&version=KJV

More blahblahblah about Job, and people who have died, and staying faithful and lots of familiar routines.

Matthew 4:18-20 - KJV: And Jesus, walking by the sea of Galilee, saw two brethren, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea: for they were fishers. And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. And they straightway left their nets, and followed him.
BGV:  And Jesus, walking bah, began to preach and to say repent, for the kingdom of Heaven is at hand.  And Jesus, walking bah the sea . . . ._____ (mumble) yeah, look at verses  . . . yeah, and Jesus, walking bah the sea . . . this is where ah was at . . . verse nineteen. And he said unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishermen men. And they straightway left their nets, and follered him.

Be a doer (the captions think you should be a dude).

"We need to convince these people that God can even use the perforated people,"

It's a toss-up whether Gary has no idea what perforated means, or if he stole that from someone else, referring to drug addicts who shoot up - that is what he talks about next.

He screams about going door knocking and other ways of annoying people for a while.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+3%3A1-10&version=KJV

Gary goes swiftly from John and his locusts and honey to his favorite subject, himself. He says he didn't think people in Yankee land would like his preaching when God first sent him there, but he found out that there are people up north who love God.

"An' ah'm not braggin' ohn me, ah don't know wha in th'world it is that people continuously keep flocking and comin' back to hear me preach!"

Gary, it's the haunting beauty of your countenance:

Spoiler

While doing his usual bit about people needing to stand up for rights, he mentions the book of martyrs that he claims he can't pronounce, and the captions try to help:

Spoiler

No, I don't think that's it, captions, but thanks for a noble effort.

And he's back to saying he'll beat the daylights out of the guy that he thinks is trying to convert Caleb (we find out that this horrible man suggested that Caleb go to Pensacola - Gary's pissed about it).

He says they have to stand in the gap for the young people, and he starts listing young people at their church, starting with the person he mentioned in a previous message, whose name he claimed he couldn't say because it wasn't "American." More in spoiler.

Spoiler

Gary: "Oriental? Areola?"
Becky: "Ariana."
Gary: "Yeah, whatever her name is."

And Becky giggles.

😡

And he goes on screaming about standing in the gap.

[Ozlsn]

11 hours ago, Xan said:

Maybe Becky thought he would evangelize for a few years and get it out of his system.  Nope.  Now she's still stuck riding along and sleeping here and there while still being in charge of any meals Gary doesn't get from the locals for free.  If I were her, I'd threaten to leave too. 

If I were her I'd have left already. Gone to visit family and not come back, taken Jacob. It must be an exhausting lifestyle - I mean even the Rods at least have their RV, crappy as that is - they're not in someone else's space every night.

7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

And he's back to saying he'll beat the daylights out of the guy that he thinks is trying to convert Caleb (we find out that this horrible man suggested that Caleb go to Pensacola - Gary's pissed about it).

And it's very wrong of me but watching Gary's head explode if that happened... would be disturbingly amusing. Gary you're pushing 50, a coward and not exactly fit. Stop pretending you could beat the daylights out of anyone. 

[Alisamer]

Next!

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