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Bro Gary Hawkins 17: Naschitti


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I don't think my cause of death will be listed as fresh air, but Gary is encouraged to go on without me regardless.

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LOL I highly doubt fresh air is going to kill me. Sunlight, however? Skin cancer is a thing, Gary. 

Also - this coming from a guy who believes that masks are dangerous to wear?

(I snagged a Covid vaccine appt tomorrow!!!!! I'm so excited. I've never looked forward to a SHOT before!)

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1 hour ago, Alisamer said:

LOL I highly doubt fresh air is going to kill me. Sunlight, however? Skin cancer is a thing, Gary. 

Also - this coming from a guy who believes that masks are dangerous to wear?

(I snagged a Covid vaccine appt tomorrow!!!!! I'm so excited. I've never looked forward to a SHOT before!)

I got my first jab last Friday. I felt like a little kid on Christmas morning when I woke up that morning and realized it would only be a few more hours.

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Sow and reap in the right order (but one "so" misspelled):

Spoiler

image.png.07954d23e075199f2c050af507187e3d.png

As we see the day approaching, Gary says the same shit over and over:

Spoiler

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No errors - the KJV, not Gary:

Spoiler

image.png.68280a79b6743e2e8a56fb546124134c.png

Oh, boy! Can't wait!

image.png.2f30c0124adf99f8e329db9622e069e6.png

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Please tell me I'm not the only one who wanted to ask if he was standing on a corner. 

Screenshot_20210318-125811~2.png

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1 hour ago, missy1228 said:

Please tell me I'm not the only one who wanted to ask if he was standing on a corner. 

Thanks for the earworm! :laughing-rolling:

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5 hours ago, missy1228 said:

Please tell me I'm not the only one who wanted to ask if he was standing on a corner. 

Screenshot_20210318-125811~2.png

I dont think any pretty girl is going to be slowing down to take a look at brohawk... at least not in a good way...

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The video of the Wednesday evening service at Open Door Baptist Church in Winslow AZ begins with all singing He Hideth My Soul.

It's a better looking church than some they go to, but check out the poster - is that the Bible (or possibly the monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey) in a sombrero, on top of a mountain, ruling over  . . . other books?

Spoiler

image.png.a668af3c5d9e1154bf7880f4b6a6f713.png

image.png.b5edd562910f68ac1f73a7a4f260d93e.png

Maybe that's Noah's Ark, not a sombrero.

A prayer is mostly drowned out by Gary's moaning, then they all sing Heavenly Sunlight.

Announcements, including lots of plans for people to travel and gather all over the country (pandemic isn't over, folks!). Prayers for people who are ill.

A woman sings a special, and I can't understand any words to figure out what the song is. Becky sings In Times Like These.

Gary comes up, and kisses ass for a while, then:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+timothy+4%3A1-5&version=KJV

Gary does OK, for Gary.

There is a responder in this congregation who says "mmm-hmm" and "yes" and "yep" indiscriminately, as far as I can tell - he just interjects his agreement with anything or nothing, constantly, throughout Gary's message.

Things are going on in our world, and in the "politician world." Gary makes sure they know that Biden is not his president, and that he didn't listen to the speech. I'm sure that was secretly part of Paul's message to Timothy, and I am just too much of a heathen to understand it.

Gary wants to preach on In Tahhhms Lahk These.

Gary's still "lookin' for the 'lectric chair," and this time he adds "Stephen was stoned to death, apostle Paul was beaten up 'n' things lahk that, 'n' put in jail 'n' everything, but ah wanted ta git aholda that 'lectricity just - just before ah go into Heaven ah kin say at least ah was a martyr of 'lectricity, amen."

Gary's really into this little fantasy.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel+3%3A19-25&version=KJV

Besides always pronouncing "fiery furnace" as "fairy furnace, we also get:

KJV: Then was Nebuchadnezzar full of fury, and the form of his visage was changed against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego:
Bro Gary Version: Then was Nebuchadnezzar full of fairiness, and of the form that was, uh - the form of this vingance was charged against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego:

KJV: Therefore because the king's commandment was urgent, and the furnace exceeding hot, the flames of the fire slew those men that took up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
BGV: Therefore because of the king's commandment was urged, and the furnace exceedingly hot, the flames of the flire -  fire slew those men and took up the Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

Gary gets up to screaming mode. No matter what they say at the White House (which Gary says should now be called the Nut House), they have the constitutional right to meet in church.

"They say that, where ah'm goin' to preach at this comin' Sunday, ah have no idea where it's at, it's just on the reservation, amen, but they say that that president is s'posed to be a Christian. Mattera fact, he's a member of that church, he just hasn't been there since he voted for Joe Bahden amen." Laughs. "Ah wouldn't  - ah wouldn't show up nowhere if they knew ah voted for Joe Bahden, amen."

Gary says we need to "stay hot, stay on fahr" for Jesus.

See, it's all a theme - electric chair, furnace, etc.

He tells them about his post on Facebook asking who listened to Biden's speech, and proudly tells them that he didn't. He tells them about the person who said he needed to keep up, and know what Biden is doing. "How you ever gonna know what he's doin'? He don't know what he's doin'!"

Gary says all Biden does is wear out pens.

Oh, and he calls the VP "Harrison" again.

The Democrats, and even some of the Republicans, "want to destroy America! They wanna destroy Christianity!"

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Acts+16%3A24-31&version=KJV

KJV: Who, having received such a charge, thrust them into the inner prison, and made their feet fast in the stocks.
BGV: Who having received such charge, threatened them in the inner prisons, and made their feet fast in the stock.

KJV: And suddenly there was a great earthquake,
BGV: And suddenly there was a great earthquake, then you talkin' 'bout the second earthquake that ever happened, amen?

Is believing this was only the second earthquake ever (I assume the first one was the one in the book of Amos) like the fundy belief that it had never rained before Noah's flood, or is this just a Gary belief?

After some nearly-incoherent preacher-screaming, Gary yells "Ah'm not askin' to be hung to a cross, ah'm not askin' to burned, ah'm not askin' bein' asked to bein' beaten, mah wahf does enougha that amen, at home!"

Big laugh, including from Becky, and Gary gets distracted and continues joking, but I can't hear it over the laughter. Then he goes through his usual screamfest about the "vahris" and how people watch the TV and listen to the government and "quit livin.'"

I guess he's claiming he's not taking chances, because he adds "Ah jest wanna live a little bit, amen? Ah haven't went to Walmarts, and ah haven't went to all these other places, and asked for somebody to spit on me and slobber on me, and, listen, hey, ah'm not sure 6 foot's enough, mebbe we kin git 12 and 15 foot away from 'em, it'd be alraht wi' me. Haymayun!"

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Thessalonians+5%3A18&version=KJV

"Nowahwanna say somethin' to ya. Y'know how easy it is to praise God when your bank's - when you git your Covid check, hallelujah, oh God ______ (soft, inaudible over laughs, then screaming again), AMEN! Glory to God ______ (gobbledy-gook) to pay taxes on it! HAYMEN! Hey, He said 'in everything give thanks.' Joe Bahden's in the White House, hallelujah, he kin get us on outta here, amen. Same with the president, ah said he's in the White House, the nut house. Butchu know what? When your tank's fulla gas, 'n' you're wahf's been to Walmarts, hallelujah, amen, you satisfied her need for an hour, an' alla those thangs, ahmanna tell you somethin' it's easy to praise God. But whe- hey, listen hey - when tahms like these go crazy, 'n' what's goin' ohn, it's not easy to praise God."

He tells his old story about the pastor's wife who insisted on buying the more expensive gasoline for him, because "God's ain't broke yet," which gets him on the subject of gas prices. "Ah filled up today, when ah was on the res, comin' outta there, 'cause ah knew when ah got into Arizona, y'all was gonna have - y'all gov'ner wants y'all t'pay more taxes even though he's a gov - ah mean, a Republican ah cain't figger that out hey, ah got it a little bit cheaper."

He asks if they remember paying "$4 a gallon when Obama was president." Gary's "lookin' for" (he says this sometimes when he means "expecting") 6-7 dollars, because "they wanna kill America."

But, whatever happens with gas prices, Gary has to praise God. "When ah'm pullin' a trailer down the road about 70 miles an hour on the 50 mile an hour zone please help me hey. _________(inaudible) ah don't give a good flip amen!"

Then he says something about looking back and seeing smoke coming out of your tire. I thought this was from an old story, but no - something has already happened to the trailer. It was taken to a shop after "a few phone calls." and is waiting for him "at Brother Saunders.'"

Gary is thankful he can walk. "Ah got a preacher frienda mahn in New York, who's par'lahzed completely on one sahd, and he is wheelchair-bound and bedridden. Cain't git up on his own, he has to have help to git in a vehicle and has to have help he ohn dahalysis."

Gary thanks God he doesn't have all of those problems. Then we get a riff on getting phone calls about family tragedies, but we should keep giving thanks.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Daniel+6%3A10-11&version=KJV

Immediately after that reading, he says "Now_____ (?) the story of Daniel, here it is, they signed the paper, and hey the only person you're supposed to talk to is the Pope" and goes right into the Pope/dope joke.

Why, I have no idea.

"Have a favrent prayer!"

Well, he changed his pronunciation of "fervent," he just changed it to be even more wrong.

After more screaming Garyshit that you've all heard before, he comes back around to the subject of people being faithful to the church.

"Ahmanna tellya raht now, ah have noticed, and ah thank Gowwd for this, that out here on these reservations, that there's more that come to the altar than there are in - the white man's church."

Then he screams about coming to the altar for a while.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+6%3A11-12&version=KJV

He doesn't announce which verse, but I found it.

"Ahwanna say another thing here real quick-like what we need to do in these last days is we better arm up. We better be armed up, amen. The Bahble says we need to be armed up, ya say wha? Because the Devil is out to sift you."

After more (and more) about being "armed up," he finally defines it as praying, reading your Bible, being close to God, and staying faithful to church.

Whew.

Rich man in torment, of course.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+2%3A1-5&version=KJV

Gary doesn't read this one often, but it may be the most honest thing I've ever heard him say.

KJV: And I, brethren, when I came to you, came not with excellency of speech or of wisdom, declaring unto you the testimony of God.
BGV: And ah, brethren, when ah come to you, come not with excellinly of speech and wisdom, declaring uh uh unto you the testimony of God.

KJV: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom
BGV: And mah speech and mah preachin' was not in in in enticin' words of God- of man's wisdom

Gary screams against modern preachers, and claims that, while he may be a hillbilly who has trouble speaking, he preaches with the power of God.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+6%3A19-21&version=KJV

KJV: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
BGV: But lay up for yourself treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust nor corrupt, or where thieves do not speak through not - nor steal: For where ___ (choked sound) treasures is, there is where your heart is.

Gary rants about going out with tracts and trying to bring people to Jesus.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+40%3A1-3&version=KJV

Mary clay again.

You better make sure you're saved.

Gary throws in some nasty anti-gay and anti-transgender shit as he winds down to the end. Gary will preach against "sodomy," even from the jailhouse or (say it with me, everyone) the 'lectric chair.

Well, at least the latter would be a short sermon, for once!

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3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

It's a better looking church than some they go to, but check out the poster - is that the Bible (or possibly the monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey) in a sombrero, on top of a mountain, ruling over  . . . other books?

I did a reverse Google image search because...I dunno.  I thought it was a sombrero too and was curious.  But anyway, it's actually a crown and it's for the KJV only movement.  Which is a lot more boring than a Bible in a sombrero to me.

 

Spoiler

image.png.40a2b5d561f883f06c0c95cfb13514b0.png

 

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary's still "lookin' for the 'lectric chair," and this time he adds "Stephen was stoned to death, apostle Paul was beaten up 'n' things lahk that, 'n' put in jail 'n' everything, but ah wanted ta git aholda that 'lectricity just - just before ah go into Heaven ah kin say at least ah was a martyr of 'lectricity, amen."

I have fantasies about hooking Gary's testicles up to a battery, so I guess he could be a martyr of 'lectricity in my fantasy too.

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

you satisfied her need for an hour

Gary, I'm pretty sure you've never satisfied a woman in your life.

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OK, folks, Gary has had a crisis. The heat of the desert (and the lack of trees) has combined with reading Revelation, needing non-saved people to repair his vehicles, and nightmares about driving with the trailer on dangerous roads, to give him apocalyptic visions.

Someone may have slipped him some peyote, as well.

I hear him, out there in the desert, singing to the saguaro . . .

Well, I'm drivin’ down the road,
And I’m draggin’ a load,
I've got seven angels on my mind.
Four that wanna burn you,
Two that wanna spurn you,
One kills off a third of mankind.

You are easy, you are sleazy,
Come here and help replace my wheels, ’cause I’m lazy.
Save your soul while you still can,
Don't even try to understand,
That four-way lug wrench in your hand
Should make it easy!

Well, I'm preachin’ at a church house
In Winslow, Arizona.
It's such a fine night for me!
I scream to my Lord
And I mourn my Ford
It broke down and the world’s end I see!

Come on, heathen, if you’re breathin’,
You got a chance, from God above,
The One who saved me.
I can’t lose, I only win,
What he if He won’t deal with you again?
So open up and stop your sin,
Stop bein’ sleazy.

Well, my axle just got bent,
'Cause I’m draggin’ a tent,
Got a world of sinners on my mind.
Faith ahwanna practice
All I see is cactus.
Are my wheels still aligned?

You are easy, you are sleazy,
Come here and help replace my wheels, ’cause I’m lazy.
Come on, heathen, If you’re breathin’,
You got a chance, from God above,
The One who saved me.

 

 

Edited by thoughtful
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9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

And Becky posted this. I wish JRod would, considering her husband's voice:

 

Facebook has gotten impossible to see for folks like me who don't have an account. (Seriously, I used to be able to see public accounts, like Sandra Boynton, and now I can't see anything! I may have to give in and get Facebook. :( ) 

Could someone give a summary of Becky's post?

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17 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

 

Could someone give a summary of Becky's post?

I didn't quote or screenshot, because it's hard to capture how annoying it is. It's just a quickly-changing set of three pictures of Kermit the Frog (hence my JRod comment), surrounded by hearts. Here's one:

Spoiler

image.png.22fed814b487147b0f28ff07d03797e9.png

Kermit looks a bit like he's been sacrificed on the altar of Becky and Gary's love. I don't know where Becky found this, but whoever took the original picture really should have cropped out the mess in the background.

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Thank you, @thoughtful! Even that single picture of poor Kermit made me laugh. Poor Kermie, sacrificed on the altar of their love! :pb_lol:

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Gary is lecturing saved people again. If they're not going to church and annoying people with tracts, the blood is on their hands.

image.png.1af1c7a86013fc2aae0356a330516e70.png

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1 hour ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

 Poor Kermie, sacrificed on the altar of their love! :pb_lol:

And wondering if frog legs are on Gary's diet . . .

:character-kermit:

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10 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

And wondering if frog legs are on Gary's diet . . .

:character-kermit:

Frog legs are good lean meat, perfect for his weight loss program as long as Becky doesn’t deep fry them

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See most of the world don't have KJB...?

is no other translation in any other language good enough for Gary?

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2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

And wondering if frog legs are on Gary's diet . . .

:character-kermit:

Now I'm flashing back to the original Muppet Movie...

a66401cb-0027-4e61-ae33-008aaeb50c7b_screenshot.thumb.jpg.241c024549d392c3124d776d8cc17ccc.jpg

...with a slight modification. 

Spoiler

20210319_150210.jpg.0d11f488c74d7c9f5b1b1a21384fb6cc.jpg

 

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Everybody is worry.

image.png.26860e24c3ad561588ff93978b6dc4e3.png

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Gary preached at Navajo Bible Church in Ft. Defiance Arizona this morning. Well, eventually - first there was a whole lot of stuff from the pastor, and a celebrity guest!

When the video begins, the pastor is asking for hymn and prayer requests from people listening from the parking lot or watching on Facebook, as well as those in the church.

They sing All To Jesus I Surrender, then Redeemed, Gary moans during a prayer, then they sing Victory in Jesus. The pastor very dramatically speaks a few lines of each before they sing.

A woman asks to sing #141 (Gary moans "amen"). The pastor says, while looking through the songbook, "I don't know that one. Is that the same one that I think it is?" and sings a bit of something. She says no, he says "that's not the right one, but let's look for it." Someone calls out "141" and he insists that's not it. "We just went there."

Hey, fellow - the woman asked for #141, whether it's the song you think it is or not is sort of a moot point!

But they find the song he was thinking of, which is #137, Tell Me the Story of Jesus, and sing that.

The woman who wanted 141 doesn't speak up again.

Someone asks for 553 - Battle Hymn of the Republic. Then 166 - Low in the Grave He Lay.

After lots of announcements, the pastor talks about the Hawkinses, and says he's planning to go to their area in a few months. He says he wants to go to the beach, and Becky and Gary cheerfully tell him he has to say "to the ocean" (they have this weird thing about it somehow sounding sinful if you say "beach" instead of "ocean"). The pastor thinks they mean he has to go in the ocean, and jokes that he's afraid a shark might eat him. "But then again, those sharks in the east, if they don't like menudo, they'll spit me out."

He asks prayers for someone who has been in the hospital for weeks with Covid. He claims the man's doctor said "let's take a chance" and take him off of the ventilator, but of course there is no chance - it was God. He's re-learning how to talk and walk.

Pray for his MIL (I will spare you his graphic description of what's wrong with her), and for him, because his wife might need to go be with her, and he'll have to take care of his own children (as a "single parent"), one of whom has "ADHD plus some. I'm not making fun of that, it's just a joke. You don't wanna laugh at that, OK, don't. But anyway. I got too many serious people in here, an' I don't understand that - lighten up! That's why some people - maybe you don't got a lot of friends, either." He says something that's drowned out by Gary laughing, then, "I'm just bein' honest - is it OK to be honest?" I miss something that is drowned out by Gary saying "Might as well be honest. That what God wants, honesty." then the pastor says, "That's just me. And I know that's just you. And that's OK. But you keep yourself on that side of the fence, please"

Insert Ron Burgundy meme here.

After some more prayer requests, praises and testimonies, a woman loudly proclaims her thanks that God allows her to be His servant, and goes on "people are not dying of the Covid, they're dying because it's their time and God  never does anything wrong He's perfect, He's awesome."

Gary adds amens, and "that's what Jesus likes."

After some more prayers, the pastor thanks them all for praying for his son, and proceeds with a graphic description of some sort of bug bites or welts he woke up with two weeks ago. "Y'know, insects can really, really annoy you, really make you talk in a foreign language." He mumbles some more, then says he noticed nobody is sitting near his son, except for Jacob.

He comes back to his son later, asks if he has a prayer request, then chuckles and says "He froze," when the child has nothing to say, and moves on (I think to his other kids).

It's almost an hour into the service, and, at last, he gets to a final wrap-up prayer, mentioning most of the people they are praying for specifically, adding prayers that the ones who aren't saved will get saved (yes, by name), and/or come back to church.

There were a lot of "unspokens" - gee, I wonder why. 🙄

They sing Since Jesus Came Into My Heart. Then a long, guilt-mongering prayer about giving precedes the collection, which also takes a very long time. One of his sons is sent out to collect from the people in the parking lot, and, of course, Dad makes a joke about suspecting that he's pocketed all the money.

Is it Gary's turn yet? Nope - pastor reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+10%3A38-42&version=KJV

And Gary moans through another longish prayer.

Pastor announces that the Navajo Nations president, Jonathan Nez, has a testimony and message for them. Nez comes up, pulls down his gaiter, and leaves on the medical mask he has under it. See that, Gary - double masking!

He speaks in Navajo for a while, then switches to English. He has been observing Covid precautions, so this is his first time back in church. He talks about the effects of Covid on the Nation, and the vaccination program. A loud fan comes on for part of the time, and he is a very quiet speaker, so I don't catch it all. My general impression is that he has been walking a fine line between his responsibility to keep people safe and belief that "God is in control." The English part of his speech starts at about 1:18, if anyone wants to check it out.

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/4146656175379185

He reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+6%3A10-14&version=KJV

And I think Gary's part of the service needs to be a different post.

Edited by thoughtful
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On 3/18/2021 at 10:42 PM, Dana723 said:

I did a reverse Google image search because...I dunno.  I thought it was a sombrero too and was curious.  But anyway, it's actually a crown and it's for the KJV only movement.  Which is a lot more boring than a Bible in a sombrero to me.

Thanks for figuring that out. Yeah, a sombrero would have been more interesting.

Gary posted, after this morning's service:

Spoiler

image.png.60ba5760a993114dc49c54ec2df980d0.png

So, at least he realized it was an honor. Of course, someone in the comments made assumptions about Nez:

Spoiler

image.png.e258685f6150c3b292abd67efae19bb7.png

Back to the service. Before Gary comes up, Becky sings the song about Jesus praying alone.

Gary comes up and makes sure they know they are "his people."  He has a burden for his people, just like a Filipino missionary has a burden for his people.

"And ah go to uh uh uh, y'know, ____ (incoherent mumbling) yesterday we was at the part, there, in Gallup, and let the kids run around a little bit and when ah was talkin' about y'know, you get out here if ya do any kinda soul-winnin' whatsoever, 'specially when ya go to different collar people 'n' they say, 'Well, you're talkin' about that white man's Jesus,' no ah'm talkin' about the only Jesus, ah'm talkin' about the Jesus that makes a difference in your life, amen! And he'll save whosoever will."

Gary doesn't read it again, because the pastor already did, but he refers back to

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+10%3A38-42&version=KJV

Gary says there are lots of different jobs to do for the Lord. I don't think that's the point of the Martha and Mary story, Gary.

"Ah wisht ah could say in every place that ah go, 'n' every nationality place that I go 'n' speakin' a different languages'n'  ahwahha say somethin' to ya, if ya let me come out here for the next 10 years ah'll start speakin' Navajo real easy-like, amen."

Tackle English first, Gary.

Gary's theme is What's Distractin' You.

Hey, maybe he does understand the story, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Gary says the distractions of the World have led to the high suicide rate in the Navajo Nation. He revs up to screaming mode pretty quickly.

He screams: "Listen, hey, amowna tell ya raht now, ah've been saved for 48 years, when ah go to the bathroom, ah wash mah hands! Amen!"

:wtf:

Oh, he's making the point that he hasn't done anything different for the past year than he has done his whole life. But it came out of left field. And he forgot the difference between when he was born and when he was born again. Tsk, tsk, Gary.

Somewhere in the middle of his screeching and bellowing, he says something about taking time out from serving the Lord to worship Him. That's about as close as Gary will come to the point of the Mary and Martha story. It seems to me that Mary was learning, not worshiping, but what do I know?

Gary veers into his "if you're sick, stay home" diatribe, and tells us about how he had to stay away from pregnant women when he had shingles, so he stayed home. Then he tells them he's really nervous. And it shows. He tries to read

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+3%3A1-7&version=KJV

KJV:  Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field
Bro Gary Version:  Now the serpent was more substil than any beast of the field

KJV: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
BGV: But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die now you this raht here you gotta realize this is talkin' 'bout a spir'til death amen?

KJV: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
BGV:
For God does know that - that ye shall  - not shall - God know that in the day -  ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil boy, ahm gonna tell you raht now, he was right when he made that statement, 'cause hey, we think evil's good today, and we think uh uh good is evil amen?

KJV: And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.
BGV: And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were nekkid; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made them ahwanna say #1 here's what is distractin' a lot of people is called lies.

Anti-media, anti-government rant ensues - top volume.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+timothy+3%3A1-7&version=KJV

KJV: Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, high-minded
BGV: Without natural affects, truthbreakers, false accusers, in those that are good, traytee, heady, hah-minded.

KJV: For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts
BGV: For of this sort  - for of this sort as they which creep into houses, and lead - lead captivity silly women laden with sin led away the diver's lusts

He says AAA when he means AA again.

"The reason ah come to the Navajo nation is because AH - LOVE - SINNERS! The reason ah go to the white man is because AH - LOVE - SINNERS! The reason ah go to the Black man is because AH - LOVE - SINNERS!"

Gary, loving sinners so vehemently that his tie is flying around:

Spoiler

image.png.3b92bf67744ce6f415b29d3a96bdc750.png

Lots of screaming about how it's not about Gary, it's about Jesus.

He says he and Becky bought the Saunderses a tripod, because you should do things "professional." The ministry is worth "professionism."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+6%3A34&version=KJV

KJV: Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
BGV: Take therefore no thought for tomorrow: for tomorrow shall take thought for  - the things of itself. Sufficiently unto the days is this evil thereof.

Gary's never made light of the vahris, but people who dahd are gonna wake up in Hell because we were focused on other thingssssss, instead of their salvation.

While talking about his travels, Gary actually makes a cute and inoffensive joke:

Spoiler

"Ah don't fly - the Bahble says:

image.png.409285dbc59d895f2eb834323630b03c.png

low, ah am with you."

Gary says he's glad, with all of his responsibilities, that the President of the Navajo nation is in church. "It would be nice if OBahden would go to church."

And he starts screaming about wanting Biden to get saved because they don't want him to burn in Hell.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=jonah+1%3A1-3&version=KJV

Not too bad, actually, except that he can't say "Tarshish." It is a word that can make anybody sound like a bad Foster Brooks impression.

He screams about disobedience for a while.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+samuel+13%3A1-5&version=KJV

This is a mess - he can't say any of the names.

KJV: And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king's son, lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister.
BGV: And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king's son, lean - lean from the day - lean from  the day to day wilt thout not tell me And Aymon said unto him, I love Taymor, my sister - mah - Taymar, mah brother's - brother's Amos sister.

Another distraction is unfit friends.

He talks about his cousin who is ugly now because of drugs (he says her Facebook picture is "SICKENING!"), and how she was kicked out of a car. Gary has been trying for two years to find someplace for her to go to church - he even "had a preacher to go to her house."

Returning to story of Amnon's desire for his sister, Gary assures us "Ah've got three sisters. Y'know what? Ah don't want nothin' to do with them in that fashion or form."

Good to know, Gary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+9%3A24&version=KJV

Gary describes a gruesome car accident. He tells them he's had some vehicles people would call deathtraps. But God gave them to him, and kept him safe.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+4%3A4&version=KJV

Make sure you're saved.

Edited by thoughtful
riffles
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10 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"Ah wisht ah could say in every place that ah go, 'n' every nationality place that I go 'n' speakin' a different languages'n'  ahwahha say somethin' to ya, if ya let me come out here for the next 10 years ah'll start speakin' Navajo real easy-like, amen."

Tackle English first, Gary.

Although, it would be pretty funny to hear Gary trying to speak Navajo.

Also, I'm sure his sisters are thrilled that he has no desire to be inappropriate with them.  That was a weird thing for him to add to a sermon.

And he certainly did make light of the vahris.  You can't have it both ways, Gary.  You can't decide that masks are dangerous and that people need to get together in church and then pretend that you understand the risks.

Gary posted this on Facebook today:

1932908511_Screenshot(3719).png.dfbbe65e5d5ac1a18ee98e4c9cda91ef.png

I wonder why his undies are in a bunch today?  Has someone fussed at him for his "Christian" habit of "calling out" sinners?  I do hope so.  For someone who keeps saying that it's not about Gary, it's about Jesus, he certainly makes it all be about Gary.

 

Edited by Xan
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Lots of screaming about how it's not about Gary, it's about Jesus.

Public service announcement: If that's what one's screaming about, then it's about Gary.

If it was all about Jesus one wouldn't even need to mention Gary.

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Becky posted this:

Spoiler

800981905_Screenshot(3722).png.26392b453ece75ffa8c310ea85c3a642.png

Maybe it's just me but I find this disturbing.  To me, it's both juvenile and offensive.  I think it's fine that people have a personal relationship with their deity but do they have to send them valentines?  "Yippee!  You died for me!"??

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