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Bro Gary Hawkins 17: Naschitti


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Dana723
2 hours ago, thoughtful said:
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Gary was live on Facebook: Oh, sorry - guess I should wait until he sets up the camera (as I hum the final Jeopardy theme song . . . ) Gary is not satisfied with the "sitting in a hole"

Sunday SUNDAY SUNDAY!  This Sunday only on Pay-Per-View - it's Anderson vs. Hawkins!  Watch as two blowhards try to convince the other that they are the most righteous Christian there is!  Listen to t

OK, folks, Gary has had a crisis. The heat of the desert (and the lack of trees) has combined with reading Revelation, needing non-saved people to repair his vehicles, and nightmares about driving wit

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Black Aliss
11 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

From the Facebook post @thoughtful screenshot (2nd one):

I wonder where the Lord went on His honeymoon? I hadn't even realized His wedding already happened! 🤵 👰

I thought he was already married! I'm sure I've read references to "the bride of Christ" all my life.

I can't imagine being on my honeymoon, having sweet fellowship with my bride, and having some guy leading a horseman up to me . . .That would annoy me no end.

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Joyster
18 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Becky posted - I hope Gary knows how to drive in this kind of weather:

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Zsu Anderson also posted a snowy road picture from her drive to Flagstaff yesterday on Facebook.   Maybe Gary will run into her at a rest stop  and hand her a tract.  I don't usually get on the speculation bus, but that would be a fun interaction to watch!

Edited by Joyster
I was replying in the quote the first time- fixed it.
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thoughtful

Gary was live on Facebook:

Spoiler

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Oh, sorry - guess I should wait until he sets up the camera (as I hum the final Jeopardy theme song . . . )

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Gary is not satisfied with the "sitting in a hole" effect, so he tries again:

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Much better:

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Gary says "That don't look too bad. Wind it down just a little bit more, Jacob. Right there is good - that'll work." The final, ideal framing:

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So, Jacob was helping him, and he still went through all all of that, as he would say, mess (not to mention not just doing it all before he started the video). To get to . . . that.

Ah, but it's the message that counts. So let's listen.

Three "praise the Lords" precede a review of their travels.

"Left Lawsss Vegas Nevada this mornin' at ten o'clock . . .would it be mountain tahm or some other tahm, Becky?"
Becky: "It was Pacific time."
Gary: "Pacific tahm."
Becky: "And now we're in mountain time."
Gary: "And now we're back in mountain time."

"We went through some snow blizzards, storms - there for a whahl we got down to 35 mahls an hour and uh everything but uh praise the Lord we made it Hallelujah glory to God made it here."

Gary tells us how March and April 2022 are booked, and he'll have to change when he goes up north a little bit because "it seems lahk everybody's pushin' back to the end of summer, first of fall." That's fine, because weather in New York is perfect then.

I'm not sure if he's actually talking about 2022, or about this year.

He's thankful for their accommodations, at Faith Baptist Church. He "just was interduced to this place yesterday."

We're about three minutes in to the video, and Gary is ready to get to the meat of the matter - "the condition the world's in."

"As you see the Bahble fulfillin' itself, every day. You see it layin' back, fulfillin' itself, takin' place, history is repeatin' itself, and . . . nothin's bein' done."

Layin' back? It even had a pose to go with it:

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"There's town after town" (repeat six times).

He never gets to the part about the towns having no Bible-believing churches - just the hypnotic "town after town" chant this time.

He posted about churches needing pastors, somewhere he's "hooked up" with on Facebook.

Somebody in the comments asks when Trump was going to be president again. Gary has "no idear" when Trump will be in again. He hates "what's goin' own," but God's in control. The next four paragraphs were one long ramble - I just broke it up so you can read it.

"But now, back in mah thing. And somebody says they was wantin' to be interduced to the church, they was wantin' to know about it 'n' ever'thin' an' he said, this person said he was from up there somewhere. Well, ah know this person very well, and ah'm not gonna say his name he may watch the video 'n' ah don't care."

"But awana say somethin' to ya - there's some things we just need to leave alone amen. An' an' somebody else's potato patch, best thing for you to do is just git in your row and plow your row."

"But when you see somebody that you know 'n' already hurt a couple o' different churches, yes, then you innerduce yerself, then you put yer foot out there. An' ah did! Ah said 'Brother you better be very careful with this person.'"

"He's been kicked outta one church, 'n', wha he was, uh, 'n' ah 'n' listen hey unless anybody that watches this video that knows him will know that ah who ah'm talkin' about 'n' ah don't have to say his name an' ah'm not goin' to for anybody else, but he was uh candidatin' for three churches at one tahm, and then took the one that was best fit for him ____ (although?) he didn't make it two months and he was outta there."

And he's back to begging for people to pastor churches.

"Life has got bumpy roads. Oh mah goodness, does it ever have bumpy roads."

While Gary is chiding people for "putting on Facebook" the question "How is it that a loving God would send anybody to Hell," the video skips and comes back on, with Gary apologizing for whatever technical difficulty there was.

It's a sign, Gary - God is telling you to shut up.

He tells us, with hand movements, how he has been all over the US, including California - "for, what - six miles, I guess?"
Becky: "Yes."

He makes sure he knows he hasn't preached in California yet, but he's been in it, then turned around.

Someone asks why Trump was removed from office, in the comments. Gary says it's "this crooked gov'ment, and this Covid-19." The usual crap about "them" exaggerating it, those people would have died anyway, etc. follows.

"Now, we gotta get back on the subject. What's mah video about? Mah video is about people . . .  needing the Lord."

Gary, as my mother would say, it's not written in the Torah that you have to read and answer the comments as they come in. If you want to stay on topic, stay on topic.

:laughing-rofl:

Sorry, the idea of Gary staying on topic got to me - I'm OK now.

We've heard a bit of sound from Becky and Jacob, as they, no doubt, go about the daily chores that Gary is spared because he is an evangelist. But they have generally been quiet. I don't know the size of this "prophet's chamber," and I wonder sometimes if Gary expects Becky to stay nearby in case he needs a name or a time zone or a pronunciation.

In any case, we hear Becky say "You don't need to do that, I can . . . " I assume to Jacob. Gary does this:

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It's hard to see in a screen shot, but, from watching him do it, I can tell you it was pretty clearly a "you shut up, I'm doing a video" gesture. And she instantly stops talking.

Gary mumbles about having found a place to stay the rest of the time he's in Arizona, then completely loses track of his thoughts. I hope Jacob doesn't get blamed for that later, since Becky was talking to him.

Good news - I hear dog tags jingling! I think Rascal is alive and well!

Gary insults a church he looked at while researching places to stay in VERmont - if he lived in that town, he says, he'd have to start his own church. He's "not gonna say wha," he's just gonna say VERmont.

"Everybody's not gotta believe just lahk me t'have a church, or start a church. But they do gotta believe in the King James Bahble if you wanna do anything for God amen amen amen."

"Now ah'm gonna say, ah ain't gonna be one of those spir'chal, hah-educated people says wellllll, you cain't - you gotta have a King James Bahble t'even do God. Well amana tell you somethin' - this world out here in New Mexico 'n' Arizona 'n' North Carolina 'n' South Carolina 'n' up north - they don't know what a King James Bahble is, they just know that somebody's got somethin' in their hand. HAYMEN!"

Gary, imitating spiritual, highly-educated people:

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While Gary is fumbling around to answer someone who asks why the KJV is so important, and does some "place after place" reps, we see Rascal!

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Becky says something again, Gary raises his arm again, and Rascal jumps off of the couch.

And I think I need to break this one up - it seems to be chock-full of Gary shit, both funny and disgusting.

I shall return.

 

 

 

Edited by thoughtful
missed some closures of quotes
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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

"But awana say somethin' to ya - there's some things we just need to leave alone amen."

@thoughtful, I completely understand that you're showing how Gary speaks, but every time I see "awana", I think of the kids' Bible program that a lot of churches use.

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I shudder to think what children learning about the Bible would learn with Bro Gary as their teacher! :faint:

Edited by WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
Removing errant "a"
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Ozlsn
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

He posted about churches needing pastors, somewhere he's "hooked up" with on Facebook.

Well done Gary, you've identified a job opportunity, now to go there and take it up.

But oh yeah, forgot, your begging "evangelist" "ministry" is far more important. 

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Now ah'm gonna say, ah ain't gonna be one of those spir'chal, hah-educated people says wellllll, you cain't - you gotta have a King James Bahble t'even do God.

So NEV is ok then? Good to know Gary! (Yes I know, he's claiming the highly educated spiritual people say KJV isn't necessary and then immediately going into how KJV is 'essential' but I read it and laughed). 

Also don't worry Gary, no one is ever going to accuse you of being highly educated or spiritual, let alone both. 

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

he was uh candidatin' for three churches at one tahm, and then took the one that was best fit for him ____ (although?) he didn't make it two months and he was outta there."

So those who can, do, while those who can't beg and yell?

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thoughtful
18 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I completely understand that you're showing how Gary speaks, but every time I see "awana", I think of the kids' Bible program that a lot of churches use.

I think of that, too, when I type it. I should start using "ahwanna," for both our sakes!

Here are the comments from Gary's video:

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Gary stares blankly, then leans in to read Melissa's comment at 11:48: "Would you  preach at a church that married a - the - married the guys - gays?"

Gary says that as long as he was "preachin' and they not preachin'," he'd preach there, and tell them Jesus will save them.

"Nothin' changes except for prayer. Somebody give me a book an' ah need ta git that book out but it's on prayer an' ah'm not gonna say who it's bah and who give it to me becowse it ain't nunya bizness."

He doesn't tell us anything about the book. Ah, something brought up for no reason, then defensive petulance about it for no reason - the essential Gary Hawkins.

God told Hezekiah "you're outta here."  "He was fixin' to kick the bucket." Hezekiah "got off his hind end, got on his knees and prayed, and God give him 15 more years."

You can change God's mind, but it's got to be a "fevrent" prayer.

Very frustrated, his voice going higher in pitch, Gary despairs of how he has done his best to get pastors for churches that need them. "But ahwanna tell ya somethin', ah don't get no response."

He recalls his one triumph - the guy who watched his video and decided to be a missionary to Mexico. He's glad people are going to lots of countries (which he lists, throwing in Africa).

More high-pitched compalint: "But what about America? Huh? What about it?! Wha are ya sittin' at home not doing nothin'? Huh?!"

You can call the motel where he stayed in Nevada - they'll tell you somebody put "trac' after trac'" (repeat 6 times).

He leans forward and slowly reads through Melissa's comment at 16:36. Melissa, I hope that's a general "you," because Gary doesn't have a job.

"Yeah, you kin be a witness there" - give out tracts, tell people there's a hell to shun heaven to gain, etc. You can also do it at many stores, that Gary lists at length, including naming all three popular dollar store chains separately.

He reads Melissa's comment at 17:43, and the answer is that he does it the same as to anyone, and goes on about what he tells them. I think that's a lie, Gary - I think you toss a tract at anyone who you even think is gay, and run like hell.

He rattles off some Bible verses about being changed when you're saved, then says people will come out of sodomy, or adultery, or shackin' up, because they'll find a good Bible-believin' Baptist church.

"Sodomites need the Lord, amen?"

Also drunks, harlots, dopeheads and religious people.

Gary is deeply into listing mode today.

He rattles off Galatians 6:7, incredibly fast, with a dramatic rallantando at the end: "Be not deceived; God is not mowcked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he al - so - reap."

"You reap to the flesh, you gonna to sow to the flesh. If you reap to the spirit, then you gonna flow to the - sow to the spirit."

I think Gary grows Benjamin Button mushrooms. 😁

You needn't lecture gay people about their lifestyle - there are books " you kin git for free, and you kin give to people like that." They can read, "and God'll show 'em and they'll do right. Or, if they livin' that same lifestyle, they'll just sind their families to Hell, that's how simple that is."

Becky tries to help after Melissa's 22:10 comment. "Everybody has sin in their life."

Gary actually says he could be wrong, and we'll all find out when we die. Somehow I don't think his heart is in it, though.

"Somebody who's saved  has the desire of the Lord. And livin' in sodomy is not the desire of the Lord. Matter of fact, God burnt Sodomy up because a that."

How about Gomorrahy, Gary?

Gary leans forward and slowly reads Lenard's 23:57 comment. His answer: "King James Bahble. It'll say the inspahred worda God. Not New King James, not NIV, King James Bahble's is what it looks lahk. Well, it'll say King James Version, ah just say Bahble because ah don't think it's a version, but that's what they put on it, but it's th'only one, amen?"

In answer to Lenard's 24:42 comment, he says "Well, you just git the original, English-speakin' and it'll say 1611, but the English one. Ah don't know who these people are, prob'ly some sodomites tryin' to confuse me, ah don't know."

Gary says he needs to finish the video (well, he says he needs to "get off"), because he needs some "relaxation tahm."

🙄

He is slowly saying "You - need - to - help us pray - that Jesus Christ -" when Lenard's 25:26 comment distracts him and he freezes. "Nnnnnnot the original 1611 - is got a little bit different in it. Uh. Just look onlahn for 1611 or King James Bahbles . . .and don't put the 1611 ohn there, and you'll fahnd a good English-speakin' Bible."

Wait - Gary, are you saying the KJV has some non-English words in it? I think you are confusing poor Lenard.

After some of his usual "you'd better be ready" ending spiel, Gary leans forward to try to read Lenard's 26:36 comment. Look at that focus!

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He gives Lenard his phone number, and signs off.

To end on a positive note, I'm so glad Rascal is OK.

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thoughtful

Next gig:

Spoiler

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BTW, people are still answering Gary's post about the Biden speech. We have our first person who blames Biden's "ignorance" on the Pope.

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Dana723
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

In answer to Lenard's 24:42 comment, he says "Well, you just git the original, English-speakin' and it'll say 1611, but the English one. Ah don't know who these people are, prob'ly some sodomites tryin' to confuse me, ah don't know."

😁😁😁

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Ozlsn
43 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Next gig:

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image.png.b61bc9713f8165b6309d6aa421d6a5c8.png

BTW, people are still answering Gary's post about the Biden speech. We have our first person who blames Biden's "ignorance" on the Pope.

  Hide contents

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Ok, so I'm looking up this church in Klagetoh and getting nothing. I know Google Maps isn't always reliable, but I am not entirely sure it's not a home church. (I was mostly curious as to where Klagetoh was, then more curious when it looked like a locality rather than a town). 

I really shouldn't be amused by the Pope being blamed given the whole Protestant/Catholic history, but I am. Mostly I'm imagining Francis going "we haven't even phoned for a chat yet! Give me time to get the nefarious agenda sorted at least, these things take time, not telepathy!"

And still looking forward to all these bozos returning the govt money.

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thoughtful
5 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

Ok, so I'm looking up this church in Klagetoh and getting nothing. I know Google Maps isn't always reliable, but I am not entirely sure it's not a home church. (I was mostly curious as to where Klagetoh was, then more curious when it looked like a locality rather than a town). 

I looked them up, too, and didn't find much, other than this:

https://www.kjvchurches.com/churches/united-states/arizona/klagetoh/klagetoh-calvary-baptist-church/

Gary, you empty-headed clot, you already posted this, just two days ago!

Spoiler

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thoughtful
19 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

How much to bail out the red states?

I assume they got lots of money, but that doesn't fit Gary's narrative.

But you knew that.

Gary was petulant and guilt-mongering yesterday, but it was only on God's behalf, y'all!

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The video of Sunday school at Calvary Baptist Church in Klagetoh AZ begins with the congregation singing 'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus. Becky and Jacob are wearing masks:

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Jacob's soon slips below his nose, but he doesn't seem to notice. We hear Gary singing, close to the camera, but can't see him.

Pastor prays, while Gary repeats "yes."

Gary comes up, and he has a bandanna around his neck - I guess they told him no mask = no gig. I wonder if we will get to see him with it up over his nose and mouth at any time.

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"We're in per'lis tahms, hard tahms, rough tahms."

"See, nobody didn't start out that - was - with - that was raht with God, doin' raht, they didn't start out goin' the wrong way. But the way they started goin' the wrong way was is - today we've got Innernet church. Now ah unnerstan', ah ain't talkin 'bout the pandemic,  ah'm talkin' about ah know some good people that was faithful to church, doin' good in church, was growin' in church,  'n then they got to watchin' people on the Innernet."

He goes on to make sure they know that Steve Anderson is a heretic, and you can give him Gary's phone number.

A Steve Anderson/Gary Hawkins showdown, folks - pay-per-view-worthy or not? Someone would have to make sure Steve is not armed, of course.

John 1:1 - KJV: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Bro Gary Version: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was - In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God (holds up Bible), not only is this the Bahble, this is also God. We gotta be very careful how we handle this, amen?  An' ah know bah the crowd he hangs with, that he's King James only. Butchu know what, there was people last year that was King James only that now in 2021 is no longer King James only?"

When Gary says the first "he," he gestures a bit to his right, which could mean he is talking about the pastor, or it could just be a vague Garyism.

He goes on in this mode for a while. This one feels like it is supposed to be directed at someone the pastor wanted Gary to chide, or that Gary talked with before the service.

After some of his usual  disjointed shit, we get this, pretty much out of nowhere (broken up into paragraphs for easier reading):

"But, uh, Joe Bahden, the other day - ah'm never gonna call him president, you go raht ahead 'n' help yerself, amen. But Joe Bahden's s'posed to have made a speech  the other day."

"Well, ah - ah don't have to watch what Joe Bahden said, ah kin see it all over Facebook, they tell me everything he said 'n' all the different kindsa thangs, wellahmana letchu know somethin' you cain't believe nothin' he said, because everything he said he was gonna do durin' his, uh, campaign, he's not done yet."

But God has done everything He said He was going to do, over 6000 years.

Gary goes back to John 1:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+1%3A2-3&version=KJV

KJV: All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made.
BGV: Awll things were made by him; and without -  and with - and with - and was not  - and without him was not any thing made. That was made.

"Now - technology. It's gone little bit too rampant, amen?"

Yes, that follows immediately after the verse. Gary follows up with nostalgia for a cellphone-free childhood. "Ah bin told if you don't let your chil'ren keep up with sy - with syety if ah'm sayin' that raht ah cain't say, ah'm a hillbilly, ah speak hillbilly language amen."

I believe he was trying to say "society." Anyway, his point, of course, is that all children really need is the Bible.

I won't link or quote them all separately, but, as he goes along, Gary reads one verse at a time of https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+1%3A1-12&version=KJV

"You know what? Anything thatchu do on earth, far as spiritulality is what ah'm talkin' about, it's already been done by the Lord Jesus Chrahst amen."

Gary insults the local weather and plants as he talks about weather varying by region, because God made it that way.

I think , in the middle of the following, someone quietly says the name he's trying to remember:

"Now ahwanna say, we got, ah cain't think of the one that come up with the, uh, global warmin' ah'm sure if ah mintioned you'll know who ah'm talkin' about, but ah thank God Al Gore, yeah, Al Gore, ah thank God that he come up with it 'cause if we hadn't had - if we didn't have global warmin' we'd freeze to death, real quick-lahk amen."

:headdesk:

But of course, the weather has been changing in the last few years "because God's changin' it amen."

He gets into his bizarre riff that sounds like he thinks the scientists are claiming credit for the world's existence, rather than just explaining it.

The next two paragraphs were one long stream of unconsciousness:

"Now ahwanna be honest with ya, ah thank God ah don't never wanna go back, 'n' if any of ya kin remember this, maybe you kin even remember it little bit more'n ah would mebbe, but any of ya kin remember they had outhouses."

"Ah pulled in somebody's yard here before ah figured out where the preacher lived,  amen, his address ain't right. Mattera fact, ah was gittin' out at another house, after ah called you, ah was gittin' out at another house and this - this woman's lookin' out the winda, so ah'ma, ah mean, she was at the door, so ah'm assumin' ah mean she's lookin' out the door that's gotta be where ah'm comin' to. And then finally the man steps out 'n' he says 'Ah know yer comin' to spread the worda God and we do need ta hear about God but in 15 minutes we're gonna go kill - uh, we're gonna go feed our cows.'"

And he's lost whatever story he was going to tell about an outhouse.

"Before you was saved, you was a walkin' dead person."

Gary scorns the modern world that says you should love everything, then immediately tells us he loves every individual, because Jesus.

"But do you know now that ah'm saved, you kin think of somebody that you kin think of, your worst enemy, somebody that you really jus' reh- maybe jus' dislike. You know what? Them's the kinda people ah don't want to go to Hell. Y'say wha? Because they don't get saved, they gonna go to Hell."

"This the prob'ly the third reservation ah've been on since we've been out here this tahm. Guess what? You are mah people."

Gary brings up Anderson again. His objection is that Anderson says he's going through the "tribblation."

"Listen, yer ta foller yer pasture because he is the undershepherd that G - am ah makin' sense this mornin'? He's the undershepherd and you are to foller him as he follers God. He says we're gonna meet in his house this morning to try ta -  try ta keep a little bit of peace, listen hey ah've never said anything about not listenin' to the government to a certain extint, amen."

That sounds as if they are in the pastor's house to avoid being caught having church.

He makes sure they don't believe in women preachers, adding the obligatory fake compliment that Becky would be a much better preacher than he is.

If you ever think that someone is preaching against a particular sin because your family members told them what you were doing, you're wrong - it was the Holy Spirit.

🙄

He tells them how he had to go learn from a local church, and work there, before God would trust him to go out and do what he's doing.

Gary really thinks he's paid his dues.

Not just Lawss Vegas is Sssin City - any city can be. Asheville is the "sodomite capital" of North Carolina. After mocking their "little parades," Gary mentions Anderson again, saying that he doesn't believe "sodomites" can be saved, but Gary does, although he's never saved one.

Gary does his BLM shit, ending with "Ah'm glad it ain't just waht, ah'm glad it ain't just black, ah'm glad it ain't just yella, ah'm glad it's all collars." 

Anderson comes up again - Gary disagrees with Anderson's belief that Jesus has forgotten about "his chosen people." The Bible's right and Steve Anderson's a liar.

"What if the Isrilahts had notta rejected Jesus Christ? We might not have had a chance. They are his chosen people. They are the ones that - the group he came from, that's where he was from. But then, they rijected Him. Ah gotta friend o' mahn, that's a - he's got a little bitta Jewish blood in him 'n' they go over to Isril 2-3-4 tahms a year 'n' pass out the Jewish Bahbles 'n' ________ (something I can't understand)."

"Ah don't know if you ever talk to 'em, brother, but ahmanna tell ya raht now, you ever talk to a Jew, you better have a lotta tahm, and uh - you better know a little bit about the Bahble, 'cause they are hard-headed. Ah've talked to a few of 'em. But ah thank God that God isn't gonna give 'em up."

And the rest is standard Garyshit, including his salvation story and date.

I think he should add the exact time. Gary, I won't believe your salvation story any more unless you can give us the exact time.

But then, I can be hard-headed. Must be something I inherited somewhere. 😁

 

Edited by thoughtful
get thee behind me, riffle
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Pecansforeveryone

@Ozlsn, the Navajo reservation is huge and very, very rural. Miles and miles of wide open spaces with minimal infrastructure. I am an alumni of Ganado High School which is maybe 20 miles from Klagetoh and is one of our "feeder" schools. There are 4 or 5 churches in Ganado, including a Baptist Church. I could probably only GPS the Presbyterian Church as it has historical connections to the hospital. 

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Dana723
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

A Steve Anderson/Gary Hawkins showdown, folks - pay-per-view-worthy or not? Someone would have to make sure Steve is not armed, of course.

Sunday SUNDAY SUNDAY!  This Sunday only on Pay-Per-View - it's Anderson vs. Hawkins!  Watch as two blowhards try to convince the other that they are the most righteous Christian there is!  Listen to them mispronounce words!  Hear as they attempt to read the KJV Bible!  Special guest:  Jill Rodrigues, mother of 13, will be the card girl for each round!  Sunday SUNDAY SUNDAY!

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thoughtful

It's a miracle! Gary pulls his bandana up over his mouth and nose at the beginning of the Sunday morning service.

Spoiler

image.png.caf28d98a3be150fc8aeecc0b3bd8778.png

So he's either observing the rules, or he's about to leave church and go rob the stagecoach.

A hymn in the Navajo songbook has been announced, and Gary cracks a joke I can't quite hear, ending with "we'll just listen," as he fights to keep his bandana up. Real masks work better, idiot. They actually sing in English, though - Face to Face.

The song leader (?) comments that it's totally different off the reservation, and it's probably a whole different world for Gary. He says he travels a lot for work, and he gets into a whole riff about the mask mandate,  people "living in fear" and having a mask on even when they are in their car alone.

Gary's mask was below his nose by the end of the song. After some nodding in agreement with this statement, it is now back down around his neck, where it stays. I guess he took that as a secret message that they don't really care about the masks.

They may be Navajo, but they're not Code Talkers, Gary.

They sing At the Cross, some verses in English, some in Navajo - the song leader announces which verses will be in which language beforehand. I wonder if Gary has ever noticed that the first word is "alas," because he sings "at last."

The next song will also alternate languages, and he says "get you guys involved in the singing" to the Hawkinses. Gary says "Gimme ten years and ah'll speak this," pointing to the book, and there is hearty laughter. They sing How Great Thou Art. During a verse in Navajo, we see Jacob's face over his father's shoulder. Good news - he may be interested in learning something. Bad news, his mask is under his nose.

Prayer and offering, then the man leading the songs mentions that (I think) Gary asked him how he got through Covid (he had it in May). He says he had a different symptom every day, it wasn't too bad except that he had to sleep in his truck (he says that "they wouldn't let me in the house"). He says he also had fatigue and depression.

He was quarantined with a friend. He said they were sitting and watching TV, and he turned to his friend and asked "Is this what people without jobs do?"

Ask Gary!

He says it took all of his energy to just get some food from the microwave. He goes on that it was "like the flu," but acknowledges that everyone is different. BTW, if you look at the first picture in this post, you will see this man. He may be older, but looks and sounds like he's about 20.

They sing I Love to Tell the Story and Come Every Soul By Sin Oppressed.

A man gets up (he may be the pastor) and speaks so softly that I can't really catch a lot of what he's saying, but I can tell that he insults Biden and the current Navajo Nations government, before turning things over to Gary.

Gary introduces himself, and makes sure they know he has a gospel tent and prayer cards, and tells them about all of the churches that need pastors.

In the past year, some pastors "crahed their ahballs out because they  couldn't meet at church, amen, an' they had to sneak 'n' do what they had to do."

Pastors have it rough. "Ah mean, if he gits a call at 3:00 in the mornin', and if ah git one ah'm gonna give him mah phone call amen, but if he gits a call at 3:00 in the mornin' y'know what he's gotta do? He's gotta git up and pray with those people , meet with those people 'n' do what - ya say wha? 'Cause that's the callin' on his life."

Well, at least Gary has admitted that he doesn't want to have to do any of that responsible caring stuff. Of course, it's because God gave him a different calling.

Gary claims this message just came to him while he was reading the Bible. Why am I skeptical?

And, having just listened to what Gary made of the Bible reading, I think I need to break this one up into two posts, because . . . my oh my.

 

 

 

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thoughtful

OK, folks.

The reading is:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+9%3A1-7&version=KJV

KJV: Nevertheless the dimness shall not be such as was in her vexation, when at the first he lightly afflicted the land of Zebulun and the land of Naphtali, and afterward did more grievously afflict her by the way of the sea, beyond Jordan, in Galilee of the nations.
Bro Gary Version: Nevertheless the - the dim - dimness shall not be such as was in her vextation, when at the first he lightly affected the land of Zeblun and the land of Neptilia, and after words did grieve af- afflict bah her bah the way the seas beyond Jordan, in Galilee of - of the nation.

Vextation seems worse than vexation, somehow. Neptilia sounds like a sea serpent, a portmanteau of Neptune and reptilian.

Verses two and three are rife with errors, but none funny or meaning-reversing.

KJV:  For thou hast broken the yoke of his burden, and the staff of his shoulder, the rod of his oppressor, as in the day of Midian.
BGV:  For thou hath broken the yoke of the of his burden 'n' the staff of his shoulders 'n' the rods of his oppressions, as in the days of Medium.

Ah, yes - the days of Medium; how fondly we remember them, when we are in the days of Large and X-large . . .

KJV: For every battle of the warrior is with confused noise, and garments rolled in blood; but this shall be with burning and fuel of fire.
BGV: For every battle of the warriors is with confusion noise and garments, rolling in the blood; and this shall be with burning and fuel of fahr.

In the verse 6, he reads "government" correctly this time. I think we should start taking bets on that one.

KJV:  Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will perform this.
BGV:  And of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end upon the throne of David, and upon the kingdom or orders in it, and to extablish it with judgments and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the Lord of hosts. Perform. This.

OK, Gary, let's hear your totally original new message.

Gary repeats verse six, looking down at the Bible, and this time he says "governors!" It's a shame Gary hates doctors and science, because I think his brain should be donated to research when he dies.

Gary says his title is  What the Gospel has Hindered.

I think Gary is back on his word-a-day program.

He revs up to yelling and screaming pretty quickly.

The gospel has hindered you from going to Hell. "The gospel hindered you from - huh, tourmoil as Psalms chapters uh 40 in verse 1 down through there it's talkin' about picks us up out of a horrible clay, in a horrible pit, an' a mary clay."

That's miry clay, for those of you who don't want to look up Psalms 40:1. The way Gary pronounces it makes me think God is saving people from an MLM that sells pink mud baths, which is sort of interesting. I can picture the pink-draped camel someone wins if they sell enough Mary Clay. Oooh, or maybe it was a pyramid scheme in which people dreamed of winning  . . . an actual pyramid (pink, of course)!

Gary got to thinking about how many times people in the Bible tried to kill Jesus, but God intervened.

"You say 'wha is that?' Because the gospel had to hinder people from going to Hell. The gospel had to hinder people from gettin' into the hands of the devil. The gospel had to be hindered from us gittin' into drugs hey listen if you bin into all that lifestyle ah'm not tryin' to bring it up, butchu know what, hey, if you've never been into it, you say 'wha is that?' Because God hindered you from gittin' there amen?"

"You better thank God you got a parent that's willin' to gitchu hindered from the gospel of the Lord Jesus Chri - hindered from the World of this sin, amen?"

"The gospel hindered for me from goin' to Hell."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+23%3A40-43&version=KJV

And we get a solid half-hour of shit we've heard from Gary many times. So much for a new message.

Readings include:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+1%3A7&version=KJV

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+9%3A25&version=KJV

Interesting reversals:

"THE LORD JESUS CHRIST GAVE HIS SON!"

In recounting his salvation (again), Gary rattles off all of the things he was "blinded to," but I think he means "blinded by:" being a song leader, preacher's kid, religion. He ends with "Ah was blahnded to God had me blahnded. Butchu know what? Or, the devil had me blahnded. Butchu know what, God came in an shined that light."

Something a bit new:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+28%3A1-10&version=KJV

Sepulchre becomes "SEPticker," of course.

"There's earthquakes ever'where now, used to be just out west."

Annnnd, back to things he always says.

Talking about Jesus keeping his promises: "He said he was gonna be born of a babe. Did he do that?"

Well, no, actually.

He confuses Lot and Noah for a while.

God's not worried about "how much damage that Joe Bahden and Harrison is doin' to America."

The I Love Lucy line.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+11%3A43&version=KJV

God hindered Gary from going to Hell by calling his name. And we get the salvation story again. Did you remember that they "was fixin' to go eat seafood?"

Hey, something new! Yesterday, they had to do laundry. "Mah wahf took me to a laundry-mat raht bah the graveyard. Man, that's wicked! You're not supposed to go hangin' out with dead people amen, ah'm alahve! Jesus is alahve! And Jacob says 'Look, there's a graveyard!' Mah wahf says 'Well, if ya go to seein' people comin' out, let me know - we're leavin.'"

Then he claims she quoted the Bible, about the dead rising first, and tries to turn it into part of his message.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+6%3A7-11&version=KJV

KJV: and commanded them that they should take nothing for their journey, save a staff only; no scrip, no bread, no money in their purse:
BGV: and commanded them that they should take nothing for their journey, save the staff only; no scripts, nor bread, nor money in their purses most Baptist wouldn't go today if ya couldn't bring yer food amen.

KJV: And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear you, when ye depart thence, shake off the dust under your feet for a testimony against them. Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.
BGV: And whosoever shall receive you, nor, whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear you, when ye depart. Thence shall all off the dust  - shake off the dust under your feet. For the testimony against them. Verily I say unto you, It shall be more terrible for Sodom and Gommar in that day of judgment, than for the city.

Go bother people with tracts, end days, reptobate, rich man in torment, etc.

Gary mentions his salvation one more time, and adds the part about God threatening to "never deal with ya agin." Someone gasps.

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Ozlsn
9 hours ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

@Ozlsn, the Navajo reservation is huge and very, very rural. Miles and miles of wide open spaces with minimal infrastructure. I am an alumni of Ganado High School which is maybe 20 miles from Klagetoh and is one of our "feeder" schools. There are 4 or 5 churches in Ganado, including a Baptist Church. I could probably only GPS the Presbyterian Church as it has historical connections to the hospital. 

I zoomed out and realised that we drove very close to Ganado travelling from Chinle to Prescott in 2009 - just been looking at the photos, and yep, pretty rural! (Although I remember saying to my husband that there were more cars around than I was expecting - useful if you break down, no idea if we just hit a holiday period or what). One day, when the pandemic is past, I'll get back there, sigh.

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Xan

Thanks for the recaps, @thoughtful.  I think Gary's mental connections are getting weaker.  I get the feeling that he came across the word "hinder" recently and thought it sounded smart and Biblical.  Of course, he wants to work that into his sermon..  Unfortunately, he doesn't really understand the word.

"The gospel hindered for me from goin' to Hell."   Not exactly, Gar.  If you're hindered, you've got obstructions to your path or you're delayed.  It doesn't mean you've been stopped.  I guess he could mean that the gospel has slowed down his speedy descent towards Hell.  I think he's just run out of topics and is trying to pretend that those hours he spends sitting in a chair doing nothing are really productive hours where he comes up with insightful sermon topics.  

So he's either observing the rules, or he's about to leave church and go rob the stagecoach.  This one made me laugh out loud!

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thoughtful
2 hours ago, Xan said:

I think Gary's mental connections are getting weaker. 

People say this now and then, but I don't see it. I think he's pretty much always been this bad. It does seem to ebb and flow, though.

2 hours ago, Xan said:

I get the feeling that he came across the word "hinder" recently and thought it sounded smart and Biblical.  Of course, he wants to work that into his sermon..  Unfortunately, he doesn't really understand the word.

I think he's gone back to his project from months ago, of picking one word from his dictionary and trying to learn to use it.

2 hours ago, Xan said:

I think he's just run out of topics and is trying to pretend that those hours he spends sitting in a chair doing nothing are really productive hours where he comes up with insightful sermon topics.  

It seems that way. Gary being Gary, I think he's probably trying to persuade himself that it's true, as well. I think he really needs to cling to the idea that he is doing God's work, and that reading some new verses from the Bible, then using them to give his same old messages, is vital and creative.

No doubt he's run out of topics. I think he ran out of topics after one message. After all, what messages does he allow himself to give? And, going by what the pastors at the churches he goes to all say, what messages does their tradition allow them to give?

Be saved, so you won't go to Hell.
Bring others to Jesus, and hope they will choose to be saved, so they won't go to Hell.
Don't sin.
Come to church whenever the doors are open.
Donate time and money to the church, missionaries, and evangelists.

That's about it. They can throw in side comments about specific sins, and, it seems, politics. And using the message to tease and insult others seems to be popular, whether they are sitting right there in church, or some other group that doesn't get saved properly (or at all!).

William Shakespeare, Toni Morrison, Stephen King and Jane Austen, working as a team, couldn't get too much variety out of that!

There is no video of the Sunday evening service at Calvary Baptist - I guess Gary didn't preach. However, he has posted:

image.png.b2f11c8c23e12428b20e07de325de8c8.png

Gary, I Believes you should learned to read and write. Oh, sorry - Read and Write. Wrote?

I'm so tense about tenses now.

Or maybe in the past.

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thoughtful

OK, "coupon" (for "couple," I assume) is an autocorrect that anyone could get. But proofreading would be nice.

The rest is all on Gary.

I done our best to uplifted JESUS.

image.png.2cd9500ea9682b691bf6698d5b12db47.png

 

ETA: Gary (or Becky) edited the post. Anybody want to guess what got corrected?

Spoiler

image.png.0855872a2f579f9062c0322c34fe6c0c.png

Yep, just "coupon."

 

Edited by thoughtful
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Xan
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

OK, "coupon" (for "couple," I assume) is an autocorrect that anyone could get. But proofreading would be nice.

The rest is all on Gary.

I done our best to uplifted JESUS.

image.png.2cd9500ea9682b691bf6698d5b12db47.png

By "saints", does Gary just mean the people who are already saved?  I've seen other fundies use this "uplift the saints".  I always thought saint meant a very holy or virtuous person -- particularly if he/she is dead and assumed to be in Heaven.  Not to mention the fact that I don't think there's anything in Gary's sermons that could be considered to be "encouraging".  And color me doubtful that Gary saved "some" souls on this trip.  There were so few people at his sermons that I doubt he had more than one person who got guilted into coming to the altar.

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thoughtful
6 minutes ago, Xan said:

By "saints", does Gary just mean the people who are already saved?  I've seen other fundies use this "uplift the saints".  I always thought saint meant a very holy or virtuous person -- particularly if he/she is dead and assumed to be in Heaven.  Not to mention the fact that I don't think there's anything in Gary's sermons that could be considered to be "encouraging". 

Gary's tradition uses "saints" to mean saved people. LDS folks refer to church members as saints, as well. I don't know if any other traditions do.

And I agree that Gary's claiming to be encouraging is ridiculous. He so often shrieks about how he's trying to be "incurriging" right after he's spewed a long, vicious tirade.

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary's tradition uses "saints" to mean saved people. LDS folks refer to church members as saints, as well. I don't know if any other traditions do.

I've heard non-denominational evangelical Christians refer to saved people as "saints", but they didn't use it in everyday speech like Bro Gary does. 

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thoughtful

Becky has been posting. Sharon is right.

Spoiler

image.png.8c7259ce1c0d915352e4b678def60ced.png

A picture and comments, some fun, some Covid-resenting, some just . . . odd:

Spoiler

image.png.7c7697e4d9efdbc08d21ecd7cd84689b.png

image.png.f1b5244304230e4d843347933e248b5f.png

image.png.aaf0c22c51bf56e360aa856fedc52694.png

image.png.a355b584048dec1db345c66ce4de3f20.png

I couldn't figure out Aldrian's comments at first, but I think the "joke" was that Tatiana took the Hawkinses out because they were white. Notice that he assumes, no doubt correctly, who paid.

Now Lakota's joke I like! I think we should use "good bellyship" often, especially for JillRod's many restaurant meals.

Gary has also posted, idiotic as usual, but using a meme for once:

Spoiler

image.png.3bf5195d2038a884caff8634f58a55a7.png

Gary, who has told you they think they are going to be killed by fresh air and sunlight, even during the height of the pandemic?

 

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