Bro Gary Hawkins 17: Naschitti

[Xan]

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I doubt that even that would dissuade him.

Look - good spelling! Must have been Gary's idea of an April Fool's Day joke!

And, Gary's back to his usual spelling errors. Makes for a rather horrifying image.

He just can't seem to go a day without lecturing.

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"The church is so worldly and the world is so churchy."  What does that even mean?    I get that he thinks other churches are too worldly but I don't see the world as being "churchy".  

And, as far as I can tell, Gary think that you're not preaching unless you're offending people.  God forbid that anyone might be entertained by an interesting sermon.  Gary's not here to entertain.  He's here to convict.  In a different century, he would have been throwing stones or burning "witches".

And, once again, he's telling people not to preach for money while he... preaches for money.

[Ozlsn]

7 hours ago, Xan said:

The church is so worldly and the world is so churchy."  What does that even mean?    I get that he thinks other churches are too worldly but I don't see the world as being "churchy"

My personal take is that it's all about pop music - too little differentiation between church worship music and music they play on radio that Gary doesn't like. 

7 hours ago, Xan said:

Gary's not here to entertain.  He's here to convict.  In a different century, he would have been throwing stones or burning "witches

Gary just really wants people to respect and listen to him for his "work". And give him money.

I agree though, with more power he'd be in the crowd burning witches, drowning women, stoning and hanging people he believed were immoral. I still can't see him as leading it, but certainly in it.

[thoughtful]

9 hours ago, Xan said:

"The church is so worldly and the world is so churchy."  What does that even mean?    I get that he thinks other churches are too worldly but I don't see the world as being "churchy". 

 

1 hour ago, Ozlsn said:

My personal take is that it's all about pop music - too little differentiation between church worship music and music they play on radio that Gary doesn't like.

I think that's a lot of it. I think, from some of the vague things he's added to it, that he means Christian-themed movies and other forms of entertainment, as well.

We'd better not ponder on it too much - trying to make sense of Gary could be dangerous.

Some posts - damn, we missed our chance to help!

Spoiler

Gary, save your preaching for the tent.

Spoiler

 

There is video of the tent, of course, because Gary is just so freakin' in love with that thing. "Far as the part of the tint bein' up praise the Lord, hallelujah, it is up."

Gary rambles on about how and when he met Pastor Bradford, swings the camera around wildly, and asks us to pray for the tent meeting.

Comments:

Spoiler

Becky has had some mood swings:

Spoiler

 

Edited April 3, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[Ozlsn]

5 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary, save your preaching for the tent.

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There is video of the tent, of course, because Gary is just so freakin' in love with that thing. "Far as the part of the tint bein' up praise the Lord, hallelujah, it is up

So Gary, can you prove you are saved? Having a big tent that goes up proves nothing!

[Xan]

31 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary, save your preaching for the tent.

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There is video of the tent, of course, because Gary is just so freakin' in love with that thing. "Far as the part of the tint bein' up praise the Lord, hallelujah, it is up."

I don't believe that "you will be put before a jury" in the afterlife.  I need for Gary to show proof of that in a Bible verse.  Would that be a jury of your peers or a jury of angels?   And, yes, I know that Gary imagines that he gets to sit on that jury.

He does love that tent.  I think he believes that he gets extra soul-winning points if anyone gets converted in the tent.  If it's in a church, the pastor might drain off some of Gary's reward points.  It also fits in with Gary's desire to return to the past.  Tent revivals used to be a thing but, in the 1960's, they started to die off. 

Sometimes when I think about Gary, all I can think of is that poem "Miniver Cheevy" by Edward Arlington Robinson.  "Miniver Cheevy, born too late, scratched his head and kept on thinking; Miniver coughed, and called it fate, and kept on drinking."  (I know Gary doesn't drink.  Instead, he self-medicates on righteous scorn.)

Edited April 3, 2021 by Xan

[thoughtful]

33 minutes ago, Xan said:

I don't believe that "you will be put before a jury" in the afterlife.  I need for Gary to show proof of that in a Bible verse.  Would that be a jury of your peers or a jury of angels?   And, yes, I know that Gary imagines that he gets to sit on that jury.

I think he's mixing two of his sermon riffs here.

He usually only refers to God/Jesus deciding who gets thrown in the "fahr" - sometimes he refers to checking if your name is in the Lamb's book of life (why would God or Jesus need to write anything down?).

He also has a routine about imagining you are taken to the local courthouse, here in reality, and asking if the judge/jury/spectators could see enough Jesus on (or in) you to know you are a Christian. This is the one where he often comments that he'd been in a courthouse but never been to jail, and sometimes mentions the judge's "little hammer."

I think that's what the beginning of that post is supposed to be. But, Gary being Gary, he doesn't make it clear.

38 minutes ago, Xan said:

He does love that tent.  I think he believes that he gets extra soul-winning points if anyone gets converted in the tent.  If it's in a church, the pastor might drain off some of Gary's reward points.  It also fits in with Gary's desire to return to the past. 

HAYMAYUN!

 

1 hour ago, Ozlsn said:

Having a big tent that goes up proves nothing!

This sounds . . . so dirty.

That emoji was hard to find! Why isn't it called "groucho?"

 

[postscript]

Wow, that video - Gary just swings the camera round and round saying “the tiy-unt is up” as if Jesus had personally worked a miracle to accomplish it (took me a minute to figure out a way to say that that didn’t involve the word “erect.” Although that seems to be how Gary views his beloved tent, as an extension of his manhood). 

He also informed us they still need to put up the sides and the stage. Seems like you’ve still got a lot of work to do, Bro. 

According to the pastor’s post, Sis Becky was going to make biscuits and gravy. Was that her famous weenie gravy and, if so, did Gary partake even though he’s on a diet?

And can I say how much I hate it when he uses the tent emoji? 

 

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

 

2 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Having a big tent that goes up proves nothing!

This sounds . . . so dirty.

That emoji was hard to find! Why isn't it called "groucho?"

Mission... accomplished? 

What is it called if not groucho? 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK Folks, Bro is butt hurt by some gossipy sin in the camp.  And it’s lies, all lies.

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, postscript said:

Wow, that video - Gary just swings the camera round and round saying “the tiy-unt is up” as if Jesus had personally worked a miracle to accomplish it (took me a minute to figure out a way to say that that didn’t involve the word “erect.” Although that seems to be how Gary views his beloved tent, as an extension of his manhood).

For a previous event, he referred to the tent as "it," for many repetitions of telling us how he got it up. My inner 12-year-old was entertained.

4 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

What is it called if not groucho? 

It doesn't have a memorable name, just a code  - GPn0zNK  

It's nice to know the eggs are friendly - or maybe they travel in pairs - or maybe Gary hit the d instead of the n.

 

[smittykins]

15 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He also has a routine about imagining you are taken to the local courthouse, here in reality, and asking if the judge/jury/spectators could see enough Jesus on (or in) you to know you are a Christian.

The old question “If being a Christian were against the law, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, smittykins said:

The old question “If being a Christian were against the law, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”

Thank you! Funny, I'd heard that before, and have heard Gary's routine many times, and never connected that he was just drawing that out into a story.

Gary, being the SOMETHING (singular) of SOMETHING (also singular) is not a distinction. Put an s on the second iteration of the word, and it might make some sense.

[AmazonGrace]

Happy Easter for those who celebrate. Will you eat your easter buddy the ass first?

Spoiler

(yes that's really dirty, it's not in your head)

I think  the world is too churchy because Garywants to be the  godliest sort of person in the world and others aren't obliging him by being satanic enough to make him godly in comparison.

[Black Aliss]

19 hours ago, thoughtful said:

That emoji was hard to find! Why isn't it called "groucho?"

I know! I can't tell you how many times I've tried to find that emoji. What is it called?

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Thank you! Funny, I'd heard that before, and have heard Gary's routine many times, and never connected that he was just drawing that out into a story.

Gary, being the SOMETHING (singular) of SOMETHING (also singular) is not a distinction. Put an s on the second iteration of the word, and it might make some sense.

@thoughtful, when did Gary make the switch from "American English" to "English English"? 

[thoughtful]

38 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

I know! I can't tell you how many times I've tried to find that emoji. What is it called?

GPn0zNK - memorable, eh?

39 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

@thoughtful, when did Gary make the switch from "American English" to "English English"? 

He goes back and forth, and that seems to be the only word with which it comes up. It may be due to cut and paste, for some posts.

I think it's another sign of how trying to stick the KJV makes things even harder for someone like Gary who doesn't find language easy. I would be willing to bet he has no idea of the "or" vs. "our" endings being regional and still in use, and just thinks of saviour as the holy, KJV spelling.

If he ever makes a post about Joseph's coat, maybe we'll get more insight! ?

[Black Aliss]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

GPn0zNK - memorable, eh?

I won't forget it now!   (adding it to my frequently used)

And now I know we also have 3 sizes of eggplant emojis and a smoking pimp.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

4 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Happy Easter for those who celebrate. Will you eat your easter buddy the ass first?

  Reveal hidden contents

(yes that's really dirty, it's not in your head)

 

Reminds me of my favorite Easter meme. 

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace]

Lol i saw that same picture on Whatsapp before writing the quoted post.

[thoughtful]

23 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

I think  the world is too churchy because Garywants to be the  godliest sort of person in the world and others aren't obliging him by being satanic enough to make him godly in comparison.

I like that theory. All them new-fangled hahfalutin' Gawd Ain't Dayud movies think they're Christian, but they ain't. Them movie makers should just stick to nekkid women, since that's what they know best. Nekkid women, like this (SFW):

Spoiler

I think Gary and his cohorts really want to see the world that way. They all seem to love stories of families in which the two choices were severe Baptist and wild roadhouse drunk/druggie, with nobody in between.

People who are decent, and just a different kind of Christian, really get under their skin. Gary always seems pissed off about them, but just dismissive of "the drunk/dopehead/harlot doin' what the drunk/dopehead/harlot does."

 

[thoughtful]

I'm way behind on my Gary videos - besides the usual responsibilities of life, I've been watching things I enjoy. Someone (here or on a Rod thread) recommended Theramintrees, and I've been enjoying his videos, and his brother's. One of them mentioned a Derren Brown video. I'd never heard of him, and have been watching his videos as well.

But now, I shall adjust my brain from various British accents back to Gary-speak, and check out what he had to say last Sunday.

This was the evening service, at the First Baptist Church in Ennis TX. As the video begins, it sounds like the pastor is asking people to take Gary and Becky out for meals. Gary says "Mmm-hmm" and shouts "Haymen!"

Gary moans through the prayer. Becky's at the piano, and there is a guitarist. They sing Onward Christian Soldiers, really badly, after several false starts. Then, When We All Get to Heaven, with lots of kids shouting the word "shout." Then, I'll Fly Away and some specials - I fast-forwarded.

I did catch the song leader graciously taking the blame for the problems with the first hymn, and saying how lucky they are to have Becky at the piano. He may actually mean it, but, even if he doesn't, he does the self-deprecation bit much better than Gary ever could.

Gary comes up and says it's good to be in Texas, because in New Mexico and Arizona, they make you wear "the mask, which ah didn't wear the mask, ah wore the bandana, amen."

He asks prayers for someone who is driving from New York to Georgia, "and, 'cause of situations, they're not gonna even gonna be ableta go into the house ta see her own father raht before he dahs, so, uh, pray for, uh . . . Hinry 'n' . . . what's the last name?"
Becky: (says last name)
Gary: "Yeah, them people, amen. So, uh, but, uh . . . sad day for him, but hey! It oughta be a good day for ya . . .ah mean, becausssse  . . . persecution bin comin' on for a long tahm, and we're here, but thank God we got somebody to go with us, amen?"

He sends Jacob out to get him a bottle of water, and reads

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+2%3A1-10&version=KJV

Not too bad, for Gary - first of all, he said Ephesians and actually meant Ephesians, not Galatians or Philippians!

KJV: That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.
BGV: That in the age to come he might shew the excellenly riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Jesus Chri -  through Christ Jesus.

Gary wants to preach on What We Deserve Versus What We Have, of What We Could Have.

Lots of the usual Gary shit about deserving Hell.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+18%3A9-13&version=KJV

More of the usual Gary shit about deserving to fry in Hell like a sausage, with our backs broke (not to be confused, I now know, with "bathrobe").

Gary makes sure they know that he doesn't think he's any better than anyone else. His many useless baptisms and the tadpoles that know his SSN come up.

Spoiler

"Ah think a man a girl woman mah family was just talkin' uh the same preacher ah was talkin' 'bout there a whahl ago, they've had somebody to get saved here and he's got a pacemaker in and then there's a thang thatchu gotta have in order for if the pacemaker goes off you kin mash this button 'n' make it sorta level with everything off and if ya got in the water he'd get 'lectric shock. And so they're tryin' to figure out some way another to get around all this stuff so they kin git this guy baptized amen. Anahwanna say somethin' to ya - if he don't never git baptized and he's truly born agin he'll get saved, but if a man woman, a boy or girl gits saved and it's possible to git baptized, ah recommend ya do it but ah don't recommend it for Heaven."

Lots of screaming about Mercy saving you from the judge and his little hammer, and Gary's salvation speech. He enjoys repeating "Mercy dropped bahhhhhh," the last vowel sound turning into a whisper of escaping air.

"They take the wahn, and they take the wafer, y'know, y'know what durin' this  tahm, Catholics, hey, they takin' a whole lot extra, most - most of 'em'll be drunk in the morning 'at's the reason they have Easter Monday is, is because the Catholic cain't get out of the bed because they're drunk amen."

Charming.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+15%3A11-23&version=KJV

In the middle of his screaming about what he deserves, Gary gets into the vehicles God has given him, still screaming. After some incoherent sounds, I hear "Since ah left in North Carolina, on the 27th on a Sunday afternoon, goin' up through West Virginia, comin' up on out, comin' through Oklahoma, 'n' the meetings ah've done, and been in, and how that uh uh uh some people of God helped me get mah van, kep' - kep' another van goin' 'n' everything 'n' then ah git out to New Mexico and the things that happened, 'n' then ah end up with what ah got now y'know what? God's been good, amen! Ah'm tellin' ya raht now  serving God ah know what ah deserve - ah deserve a clunker that ya have to push off down the road 'n' ya have to make it crank and ya have ta jump it off ananand it looks like somethin' that uh - needs ta be in a junkyard."

Gary bought himself, Jacob and Becky new outfits, even though he doesn't like to spend money. While he was waiting to pay (I think - things are never clear with Gary), Becky came over and told him that someone just gave them $100.00.

Gary says he doesn't deserve these things - he deserves to be thrown in a ditch somewhere.

Gary, I'd settle for a middle ground - I don't want you thrown in a ditch, but I would like to see you earn your own money, and for gullible people to stop thinking they are doing anything for God when they give you money, food, lodging and gifts.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+6%3A23&version=KJV

He always leaves off the last two words when he reads this verse.

After some usual Hell stuff, he gets back to how he was given his current vehicle, and how the price on the trailer was lowered, and then it was repaired - all because of God.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+3%3A1-7&version=KJV

The serpent was "substil" and the other usual errors.

The KJV is perfect, tells the truth, and convicts people, and that's why they don't like it.

Everybody tells the devil's lies these days. "The school system tells ya that ya come from a monkey."

He tells something he refers to as a joke, in which a man buys two plane tickets, takes a monkey on the plane, and says "You taught in the public school that it was mah brother, ah __________(?) that it's mah brother, and you're gonna make - you'll give him a seat."

He does his riff about Covid and the devil making the government close churches, but the Hawkins family "hasn't stopped."

"Whenever ah was preachin' to the president of the national - uh of the Native  uh - American people when ah was preachin' then ah preached to the part that hey listen hey if we don't git to these - if we don't git to these people that are lost and they git this vahris and they dah, then they go to Hell." He goes super high-pitched. "Amen! So, listen hey, the gospel's still gotta be spread!"

Gary tells them about a man from New York who calls him. "When he cawulls me, he sounds like he's either drunk or on dope. And he'll - and here's what he does - here's what he does, ah mean hey, the devil's got him convinced that he is right, he's one o' his disciples, and he's on the right road doin' what right and he'll say 'God's got me doin' this,' and then he'll say 'blankety-blank' and he'll start cussin."

A man says "Oh wow."

"And then he'll say, 'Yeah Pastor Hinry he 's always tellin' me that ah'm not on the right track and ah know that ah'm listenin' to God an' ah gotta git mah ticket an ah gotta git to Isril, an' ah gotta do what ah'm s'posed to do.' Ah think that's in the Bahble, isn't it? Lord ah done that and Lord ah done that for ya and ah done this. You wanna make a person real religious, start talkin' to 'im at the gas pumps. An' all of a sudden they're cussin' up a storm an' you mention somethin' about God an' all of a sudden they become real religious."

Somewhere in Gary's mind, that was all related. The only possibility I can think of is that the theme was people who curse, including saying things like "God damn."

Steve Anderson comes up again. Gary is sure he's not saved.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+23%3A39-43&version=KJV

Malefactors becomes "male factors." Apparently, an X chromosome, or some testosterone, were on the other two crosses.

God's got feelings, and He gets tired of waiting for you, and He rejects both sinners and people of God, according to Gary.

While trying to use the mustard seed idea, Gary asks "How many of you know what collard greens are." They are not mustard greens, for one thing, Gary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+7%3A24-29&version=KJV

KJV: And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine.
BGV: And it came to pass, that when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctors.

Gary goes on and on about the church being founded on The Rock (he makes sure we know that doesn't mean Peter, and that Peter wasn't a Pope, of course - maybe he means Dwayne Johnson).

"Ah unnerstand the world thinks - hey, that that Mr. Bahden, settin' in the Waht House, behahnd a -   behahnd that uhuh uh that desk, ah'm still not callin' him my president ah don't keer whatchu do amen, he can sahn allll the papers, he can threaten all he wants to" and he goes on with the list of things he imagines President Biden is going to do, that have no basis in reality. But they can't take Jesus away.

He throws in the "governor" on his shoulder Isaiah misquote.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+10%3A17-21&version=KJV

Mostly misread.

He tells them that giving away money won't get them into heaven. "You go on to readin' the more scriptures in the other places it says - that's the reason it says it's harder for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of Heaven, or it's easier to go find a a a needle in a haystack than for a rich man to go to Heaven because they don't realize what they need."

He knew it was something about a needle!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+20%3A15&version=KJV

Gary believes that God will show people their names written in the book of life at the judgment day.

He fantasizes and rants some more.

You better make sure you're saved. Remember what you deserve, and what God gave you instead.

Edited April 7, 2021 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

Gary's phone has the hiccups.

Spoiler

The new prayer cards are here! Well, almost.

Spoiler

Gary posted a short video of street preaching yesterday - singing Nothing But the Blood of Jesus. Here's a still:

Spoiler

I'll try to check out the first tent meeting, from last night, when I get the strength to listen to more Garyisms.

Today, he posted that our days or number.

Spoiler

Gary had a need, (well, a want) and guess what! God provided! Now we'll probably have to hear about them in the next 200 messages.

Spoiler

 

[AmazonGrace]

They misspelled their address because of course they did. 

Is That God better than The Other One?

Gary, just like Apostle Paul.

[postscript]

4 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

They misspelled their address because of course they did. 

Is That God better than The Other One?

Gary, just like Apostle Paul.

I saw this last night and knew someone would pick up on the address misspelling. Too bad Becky didn’t notice.

I’ve been watching too much classic TV lately. Is ”That God” related to That Girl? 

[AmazonGrace]

Germanon is that twelve step program where they go, "hi I'm Gary, and I love spreading germs".

[Alisamer]

46 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Germanon is that twelve step program where they go, "hi I'm Gary, and I love spreading germs".

Sounds like something desperately needed in these times!