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Bro Gary Hawkins 17: Naschitti


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Xan
8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary bought himself, Jacob and Becky new outfits, even though he doesn't like to spend money. While he was waiting to pay (I think - things are never clear with Gary), Becky came over and told him that someone just gave them $100.00.

Gary says he doesn't deserve these things - he deserves to be thrown in a ditch somewhere.

Gary, I'd settle for a middle ground - I don't want you thrown in a ditch, but I would like to see you earn your own money, and for gullible people to stop thinking they are doing anything for God when they give you money, food, lodging and gifts.

 

You're nicer than I am, @thoughtful.  I'd be perfectly okay with Gary being thrown in a ditch somewhere.  

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AmazonGrace

Gary, if you deserve to be thrown in a ditch, it is time for you to take a long hard look at your life and make changes.      

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thoughtful
10 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Gary, if you deserve to be thrown in a ditch, it is time for you to take a long hard look at your life and make changes.      

But, but, but - we all are worthy to be thrown in a ditch! Didn't your church teach you that being worthless, except for the fact that you believe Jesus died to save you, is the whole point to Christianity? Must have been one them modern churches, with the boogie-woogie and smokestacks.

Monday night under the tent starts with Gimme That Old Time Religion, then Count Your Blessings, then the song leader asks them to tell him their blessings before the last verse.

Among the simple, sweet answers from kids, there are some from adults. One man slowly says: "In 1960 . . .  ah was under the table . . . with a Sigh-ro Venetian woman . . .and God gave me a crumb . . . jest a crumb . . . it has sustained me for 60 years."

The men yell. He goes on:

"It's bigger now than it was when ah started. ___ (drowned out by other men) has supplied mah needs. Ah believe He loves me more'n anybody, 'cause He blesses me ____ (drowned out by men laughing). Ah believe ah love Him more'n you do, because  ah was meaner than you was when He saved me."

Lots of laughs, a comment from a man claiming he was a harder case than this guy.

The pastor comes up, rambles for a while, then brings up a man with a lovely tenor voice to sing a special - He Lifted Me, and a group or men to sing I'll Fly Away. They all sing Down at the Cross.

Two little boys come up to pick up the collection plates, and the pastor says "Don't let the smiles trick ya, they are armed and dangerous. Uh, we were standin' out there and they both were able to quote verses, uh, and so they are armed and dangerous. We'll pray, boys, and then y'all go git the money, OK?"

Hysterical. 🙄

After the collection, they sing Victory in Jesus, and Jacob and Becky sing some specials (the Father's Eyes song, Preach On) while Gary wanders and fidgets in the tent opening.

Spoiler

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Gary comes up to preach, and starts with the guy with the pacemaker who wants to get baptized again (seems to me it's not needed - didn't Jesus say blessed are the pacemakers?).

This time he ties it to his desire to be martyred in the electric chair. I'm surprised it took him this long to make the connection, you should pardon the expression. 🔌

Spoiler

:scared-shocked:

"Ah lahk 'lectricity. Jacob climbed up there yesterday ah guess it was or Sa'urday whatever 'n'  it shocked him, and he said 'Ah don't lahk it,' ah said 'Man, ah love 'lectricity' amen."

Gary you are one sick fuck.

Gary asks prayers for Jack, who "went to go tell Miss Frances he was headed over here to the meeting, and found her layin' in the floor. She didn't hurt nothin' thank God far as he knows."

He asks them to pray for Joe, who couldn't come, but doesn't say why. Then he says "Ah know Brother Jack wants to be here, and very disappointed" (calls of "Yes, yes" from the congregation) "and we will call Brother Steve and tell him his church is here, and it's a shame that he couldn't be here amen." Big laughs. Get it? They're supposed to give Steve guilt.

Gary tells a story about a time Becky invited some people to church in Florida, years ago. Gary, who had no idea what they looked like, was "bad-mouthin' 'em" in his preaching for not coming, and they had actually come.

Clearly, he hasn't learned his lesson.

Gary encourages them to bring lawn chairs - he says he "cain't set in them hard chairs" himself.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+27%3A33-53&version=KJV

So, he's reading the story of the crucifixion on the Monday after Easter. Very Gary-esque - don't let the sinners bask in that joyous resurrection stuff for too long - hit 'em with the agony again, eh, Gary?

Among the many errors were these:

KJV:  And they that passed by reviled him, wagging their heads, And saying, Thou that destroyest the temple, and buildest it in three days, save thyself.
Bro Gary Version:  And they that passed by revahhled him, waggling their heads, And saying, Thout that destroyed the temple, and buildeth it in three days, save thahself.

KJV:  The thieves also, which were crucified with him, cast the same in his teeth.
BGV:  The thieves also, which was crucified with, cast - cast the same in the teeth.

KJV: Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?
BGV: Eelahh, Eelahh, elam  - sabfathim

Some screaming about how children are better than adults, then he finally gets to his theme - Why Jesus Stayed on the Cross. Gary seems to have added a quaver to his screaming - perhaps imitating some preacher of old he admires.

He goes through stages with this stuff, and has even preached about how he "used to" imitate other preachers, but doesn't any more. :pantsonfire:

When we first found him, he was doing the "ha" thing before and after a lot of sentences, but stopped that.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+5%3A8&version=KJV

More screaming about that being the reason Jesus stayed on the Old Rugged Cross. Also love. He gets himself and them up to orgasmic level pretty quickly. There's nothing new, and he seems able to complete sentences this time.

Spoiler

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Panting from exertion, he announces Psalms 103:3, then reads 103:12.

KJV: As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
BGV: 12 As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed mah transgressions from us.

More screaming and orgasmic yells, but no content you haven't heard before.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+5%3A17&version=KJV

He actually picks out a woman he knows is pregnant, but isn't showing yet, saying she will soon, for his spiel about how "somethin' as big as Jesus" getting inside you will show on the outside, like a pregnancy.

He talks about the cursing guy from New York again, and tells the story from last year about the young man who was chasing his girlfriend around a supermarket, arguing, and Gary yelled "God don't have a last name!" at him. Again, as with the last time he told this story, no concern for the girlfriend, Gary just didn't want to hear cursing.

Psalms 37:28-29, KJV: For the Lord loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off. The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.
BGV: The Lord . . . loveth . . .  judgment, and fah- forsaketh not his  . . . saints; and they reserve for ever: but the sees of the wicked shall be cut off. The righteous shall inherit in the land, and duhwell therein . . . f'rever.

We get the crap about standing up to your religious rights during this Covid mess, and governor on his shoulder. He said he had a few meetings where "they was too chicken to put the tent up - ah should have put it up bah mahself."

While ranting about how God will judge those who don't go to church in person, he shrieks at the camera:

Spoiler

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image.png.e3e53e9589229f012ea13f4a681bf920.png

"And anybody that ohn Facebook, and can be in church will - be - judged."

Well, I think it's "judged," it's such a high-pitched shriek that it's hard to tell. It might be "gone."

He mentions his "half-par'lyzed" friend, and someone who started singing in line while waiting to vote for Donald Trump.

:why:  :confusion-shrug:

He says that, when he left North Carolina, he was driving a "1987 conversion Dodge Van." Now I'm picturing the van yelling about how it was saved in 1987.

Anyway, he's now driving a 2003 Chrysler Town and Country. So the new minivan is not so new.

As he did in a previous message, he says he needed the trailer because the minivan wouldn't hold all of his stuff, and "ah'm not leavin' mah stuff on the Indian reservation, 'cause ah know what Indians do to stuff."

Someone actually laughs.

And Gary goes on about the help God has given him with vehicles.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+28%3A1-7&version=KJV

KJV: In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre.
BGV: In the end of the seventh, as it began to dawyun toward the first day of the week, came Mary MagdaLEEN and the other Mary to see the septicker.

KJV: behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you.
BGV: behold, he is uh goeth  - he that goeth - before. Into the Galilee; there shall ye see. Him: lo, I have told you.

Gary talks about "dead people places." As he works up into scream mode again, he gets lots of competition - loud, extended honking of car horns.

He screams about "Bahden and Harris" (hey, he got her name right), and reminds them again that he just preached to the president of the Navajo nation: "He says he's saved - ah hope he is."

Screaming: "Ahmanna tell ya somethin' - we lived through Obama f'r eight years, with four dollars and somethin' a gallon gas and ahmanna tell ya raht now, ah think God kin do it again, 'cause he'a alahve and well, ain't poppin' pillssss!"

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+peter+2%3A18-21&version=KJV

KJV: Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.
BGV: The servant to be subjected to your master with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the forward.

KJV: For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
BGV: For this is the thankfulness, if thou - if - if a man - for conscience toward God endear grief, suffering  wrong - wrongfully.

KJV: For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently?
BGV: For what glory is it, if, when he be buffett for your faults, ye shall take it patiently?

Nothing new after this - just the go out and convert people crap.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+7%3A7-8&version=KJV

God wants to fellowship with you.

Gary announces Luke 19, no verse - I find where he is:

Luke 19:10: For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.

Back to talking about death and funerals. Screaming: "Ah wonder if there's somebody that you knew, that you should've went 'n'  witnessed to, and you didn't go 'n' witness to 'em, and now they're screamin' in Hell."

Judas Iscariot "heard Jesus Christ stand up and preach the gospel of the death, burial and resurrection."

Really?

You think you're gonna get up in the morning, but don't be too sure. Gary throws in some gruesome death stories.

You better make sure you're saved.

That's what Gary says. I say, if you are under the table with a "Sigh-ro Venetian" woman (or her dogs), enjoy yourself.

The video continues through the altar call, goodbyes and clean-up (Jacob is doing all of the work, of course). Gary chats with a woman in slacks, and we see the pastor holding something that may be a Bible in a cover with a handle, but may be his wife's purse.

Spoiler

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Sinners!

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Black Aliss
21 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The serpent was "substil" and the other usual errors.

Would that have been spelled "subtle"? Not that I recall any particular subtlety in the serpent's sales pitch to Eve.

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Black Aliss
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

As he did in a previous message, he says he needed the trailer because the minivan wouldn't hold all of his stuff, and "ah'm not leavin' mah stuff on the Indian reservation, 'cause ah know what Indians do to stuff."

You think he'll ever get invited back to the Navajo Nation?

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thoughtful
12 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Would that have been spelled "subtle"? Not that I recall any particular subtlety in the serpent's sales pitch to Eve.

The spelling is "subtil" in the KJV, but yes, it is supposed to be the word subtle. The meaning may have been more along the lines of "sneaky" or "persuasive."

Quote

Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?

I was thinking last night - with their passion for the language of the KJV, but their disdain of higher education and love of the "humble country folk" stereotype, I imagine that Gary and most of his ilk are right smack in cognitive dissonance land when anyone mentions Shakespeare. I would be willing to bet most of them would say it was too hard to understand, never even noticing (or remembering, if they've been told) that it's the same style of English, from the same era.

 

12 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

You think he'll ever get invited back to the Navajo Nation?

Sadly, I think he will. I don't know details of who runs what, and don't want to paint all of the white people there as villains. But some of the churches there were run by people who, it seemed to me, had a White Savior complex, and are probably just as condescending to their Navajo neighbors as Gary is.

This guy, for example:

http://www.streamsinthedesertaz.com/our_family

Quote

Mark was saved at the age of nine through the ministry of Grace Baptist Church in Middletown, Ohio, where Dr. Howard Sears was his pastor. Mark surrendered to preach as a freshman in high school. After Bible College and 15 years in four different churches as an assistant pastor, Mark surrendered to go to Navajoland in 1994.

 

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thoughtful

Becky has posted a new profile pic, and Michael Stout, predictably, has to tease meanly:

Spoiler

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Tuesday night under the tent starts with all singing Soon and Very Soon. Gary moans through a prayer, then they sing Nothing But the Blood, There is a Fountain, and There is Power in the Blood. Another prayer, then a special is announced, but the singer (who has a lovely voice) asks all to turn to In the Sweet Bye and Bye in their songbooks, so we get a quiet singalong, which is rather pretty.

It is rudely interrupted by very loud train whistles, though - one of the perils of a tent revival. There is also a clock tower somewhere nearby, so the revival meetings are periodically haunted by chimes, like the local Catholic or mainstream Protestant church is gently reminding these folks of their existence.

The train whistle continues as the song leader comes back up - it sounds like the train is going right through the tent. When it's quiet again, they sing When We All Get to Heaven, with the kids shouting "shout."

Little boys come up for the collection plates, and the pastor prays, as the train whistles return, more distant this time. A horribly-sung special of Just a Closer Walk With Thee follows, (the pastor and another man).

The pastor takes the theme of a closer walk to yak about various Biblical figures and how close they were to Jesus, finally getting to "Uhhhhhhh, we should want to crawl up in Jesus' lap and and be that disciple whom Jesus loved above all others, lean our ear over on Jesus' breast and hear the very heartbeat of creation there."

He drones on for a while more, then brings Gary up. Gary talks about his new speakers and how he got them: "Y'know, the Bahble says you have not because you -" Congregants call out "ask not."

Gary continues: "And, uh, so, y'ou know, some people think it because you put it on Facebook yer beggin', ah, nah, ah'm just askin' hey listen, it ain't mah speakers. Ah done give 'em to the Lord ya say wha?  Because they - it's His ministry, amen? And, uh, it'll further ohn, goin' ohn amen? And then uh so . . . " and he leaps to prayer requests.

Brother Jack and Miss Frances need prayers, but they think Miss Frances didn't break anything falling out of bed last night.

Gee, I hope they checked with a doctor.

Pray for someone who wanted to come, but his truck broke down. Gary asked why he didn't borrow his wife's car, and he said he knows better than to try that.

Gary praises a woman who is there (not a regular church member) who he says he loves preaching to. I assume this is one of the people who yelled a lot last night.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+24%3A36-41&version=KJV

Lots of errors, of course. Gary's theme is  Prepare to Meet Thy God Before It's Too Late.

Gary escalates to screaming, and gets the yells back that he wants, very quickly.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+10%3A9-10&version=KJV

More screaming, mostly about there being no such thing as the Sinner's Prayer, then he reads the verses again, and screams some more.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+10%3A9-10&version=KJV

KJV: For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
BGV: For we must awwwll appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every - every - every  one may receive the things done in his body, according to that which where - which wha - according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.

After screeching about the biggest TV ever, on which God will show all your sins on judgment day, for a while, Gary tells the sad story of "a Methodist man" who ran a store his Daddy used to frequent. Of course Daddy wanted to save this unsaved man, and kept meaning to stop by his house. But he kept putting it off, and one day he went by the house, and . . . there was a funeral.

I'm sure Daddy Danny has felt guilty ever since. 🙄

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+16%3A22-23&version=KJV

Gary believes that, at Judgment, the saved will watch the unsaved failing being cast into the fahhr, and some of them will be people that they failed to give a tract to or talk to, so it might be partly their fault.

Gary graphically describes every gross thing he can imagine about what Hell is like, misquotes his bumper sticker again, and recommends Pirkle's film about Hell.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+7%3A1&version=KJV

Gary talks (and shrieks) about his children and future granddaughter. He says he asks God to intervene with his children, "'specially when ah hear somethin' that ah don't really keer much about, ah hear that uh, somebody's been - one o' the kids'r datin'  . . . God knows what, amen. Ah'm not even sure if it was a good person ah'd like it amen. What was it, ah's preachin' somewhere in North Carolahna my son-in-law come 'n' heard me, the preacher said, 'Well, ah ain't never heard him say anything good about you.' Ah'm still tryin' to find somethin' good to say about him amen."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+peter+3%3A15&version=KJV

While listing all of the places he goes because "people need the Lord," Gary postulates that, when they get to Heaven, Yankees "won't be Yankees no more."

I guess, in his mind, that's part of being saved.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+3%3A20&version=KJV

Gary screams that legalizing marijuana and "sodomites" getting married doesn't keep those things from being abominations. Then some prosperity gospel-ish shit about getting back more from God than you give.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=hebrews+9%3A27&version=KJV

Death, dying, kicking the bucket, etc. He won't preach at his children's funerals and pretend he thinks they're in Heaven if they didn't live right because that "prob'ly makes God puke."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=acts+16%3A31&version=KJV

You better make sure you're saved.

Reptobates.

Gary claims his father kept trying to quit smoking, but couldn't until he was "right with God."

Then lots more death stuff, you could die tonight, name-dropping old-time preachers, you better get saved, because eternity is a long time to be screamin' gnashin' your teeth and beggin' in Hell.

The pastor comes up, and drones during the altar call, telling them that they might die tonight, that Jesus loves them more than their parents do, and other fun things.

Then he announces green enchiladas and dessert in the fellowship hall, and teases a man, saying his mother said he can't have any.

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Ozlsn
On 4/8/2021 at 12:21 PM, thoughtful said:

Screaming: "Ahmanna tell ya somethin' - we lived through Obama f'r eight years, with four dollars and somethin' a gallon gas and ahmanna tell ya raht now, ah think God kin do it again, 'cause he'a alahve and well, ain't poppin' pillssss!"

Seriously, what? Who's alive? God? Obama? Both? Who's not taking pills? What?!?

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

ah's preachin' somewhere in North Carolahna my son-in-law come 'n' heard me, the preacher said, 'Well, ah ain't never heard him say anything good about you.' Ah'm still tryin' to find somethin' good to say about him amen."

Finally a glimmer of hope that his granddaughter might be free of this cult.

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AmazonGrace

How many % of gary's sermons are bitching and gossiping about people he knows?

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Xan

God continues to tell Gary to get off the road and Gary continues refuse to listen.

380262362_Screenshot(4037).png.3de51222bb41142d54434507ebe0af83.png

I have to admit that I am enjoying the fact that Gary's bargain "trail" is such a piece of crap that he has to keep repairing it.

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AmazonGrace

He thinks that God broke the axle because otherwise they'd have ended up in some danger that God wanted to prevent?

No way to he can ever be proved wrong.

But probably the danger is that they're traveling in crappy vehicles with an unsafe driver.

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thoughtful
9 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Seriously, what? Who's alive? God? Obama? Both? Who's not taking pills? What?!?

That last bit even surprised me a little. Not because it's new, but because it's usually part of a longer riff, when Gary is telling us that God's in control: God's not worried, God's not _____ (insert other things people do when concerned - I can't remember the details at the moment), God's not poppin' pills.

I guess he sees "poppin' pills" as part of a list of things one does when worried or upset, and not in control. And God, of course, is in control.

I think that the missing bit, that I suspect was in Gary's head but never came out of his mouth, was that God got us past Obama into the halcyon days 🙄 of Trump and cheaper gasoline, and He can do it again.

But, as ever, it's just a guess, because the things that happen in the gray folds of Gary's brain are a great mystery. Amen, amen, amen.

4 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

How many % of gary's sermons are bitching and gossiping about people he knows?

A large percentage, I think. Even when he doesn't mention a family member, or do his "ah ain't namin' names" crap about others, I think he often has specific people in mind.

He and several of the pastors he visits seem to get much of their satisfaction from talking about the people they think of as bad examples. And then there's the "affectionate" teasing of people who are there, which, I'm sure you've noticed, I can't stand.

A little bit of self-deprecation, their status as preachers, and the excuse that they are just trying to save the lost, seems to get them off the hook for any amount of this shit, from the petty to the truly cruel.

3 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

He thinks that God broke the axle because otherwise they'd have ended up in some danger that God wanted to prevent?

Of course! All bad things that happen on the road are either Satan making trouble, or God protecting them from something worse. Those are the Gary rules.

Gary has an oft-repeated bit about Becky, being a woman and all, making him leave later than he'd planned, after which they see an accident that he just knows they would have been in, if God hadn't made Becky make him late.

He usually describes the time they saw a young couple jump out of a car just before it exploded, on the other side of the highway. He never seems to register that he's describing something dangerous that did happen just as they passed by, and didn't harm them. So, if God was protecting them, it was by having it happen on the other side of the road, not by making them late.

Little things like time and space are tough for Gary to comprehend.

 

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smittykins
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

I think that the missing bit, that I suspect was in Gary's head but never came out of his mouth, was that God got us past Obama into the halcyon days 🙄 of Trump and cheaper gasoline, and He can do it again.

Shortly after The Former Guy was elected, someone on my FB feed posted “We lived through Obama.  You’ll live through (TFG).”

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thoughtful

Wednesday evening under the tent starts with some chat among the congregation, then all sing Standing on the Promises (which sounds very much like Pack Up Your Troubles at the beginning). Gary moans through a prayer, then the pastor comes up and tells them that, while they were taking the sides off of the tent earlier that day, someone delivered a Pizza Hut pizza - they don't know who sent it, but God is good.

Unlike "some other religions," they've got some promises they could stand on. He says he's afraid to ask for testimonies, and reminds them that "it's a testimony, not a testi-moan."

What a card.

Then he does ask for testimonies, and someone in the congregation says, "Well, not after ya said that!" Predictable, but his delivery was good.

Some women talk about how thankful they are for God, and their church family.

The pastor says he's thankful for the wife God gave him. "Let's see . . . we've been married goin' on 17 years, and . . . before that . . .  well . . .  it's goin' on 28 years?"

Is the pastor telling us they were living in sin before they got married? :fainting:

Eh, he probably just means they were in school together. He goes on to say that, while there are problems with which he and his wife help one another, sometimes it's not possible. "There's some things that she goes through that ah can't help her with, and that ah don't wanna help her with. You know, there's some thing y'all women go through, ah don't want anything to do with it. Amen?"

But Jesus is always there for us. I guess he expects Jesus to get women through cramps, childbirth, changing diapers, cleaning the kitchen, breast cancer, and other icky lady things, with no help from men.

Sometimes, he admits, pastors try to lead people to Christ, but, deep down, they also really want the person to come to church. He says this is an "alterior -" he gets stuck, and can't remember the term. Someone tells him the second word is "motive," so he goes on about "alterior motives." I guess those are ulterior motives about which we go back and forth. 😁

He prays, Gary moans. The song leader comes up, and tells us the date he was saved, Gary yells HAYMUN! They sing I Am Resolved No Longer to Linger, then At Cavalry, then the Hawkinses do a special.

The pastor comes up again to drone on about Mephibosheth for a while. Mostly he says uhhhhhhhhhm. They sing Victory in Jesus. Offering prayer (Gary moans), and offering, the Hawkinses sing again, then Gary comes to bestow his wisdom upon us.

After his last-night thank yous and reminders about their prayer cards, Gary talks about his upcoming trip. He's hoping to be in Georgia before having to stop, and asks them to pray - he figures he can make it if "ah can make mah wafh not have to go to the bathroom every 30-45 minutes."

The train whistle is blowing while he says this. It's another sign from God, Gary; pay attention. I don't know if He's warning you about your vehicles or just telling you to stop talking about your wife's bladder in church.

During the rest of the message, the trains, church bells and some screeching feedback from the new equipment give Gary competition.

Gary says God gave him something to say for tonight. Let's see if there is actually something new in this message.

The suspense is killing me. /s

Gary reads, while the train whistle shrieks loudly:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+77%3A1-10&version=KJV

KJV: In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted.
Bro Gary Version:  In the days of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sword ran into my night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted.

KJV: I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search.
BGV: I can remember mah - I can remember mah song in the night: ah com - ah consume with mahn own heart: and my spirit made dill -  dilijilly search.

The combination of the train whistles with a mention of a song in the night, of course, was a song cue for my brain.

He stumbles badly through the rest, and through his explanation of how it connects  to his message: Some Things We Need to Remember.

Right into "per'lous tahms" and Gary not wanting to wear "the mask." Nothing new yet!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+13%3A5&version=KJV

Covetousness loses a syllable - "covetness."

God has never forsaken Gary - He provided new speakers. Gary has been looking for new microphones, and brother Bradford directed him to Woolworths for a good price. What, no free microphones, Gary?

Sounds to me like Gary was being pretty covetous.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=phillipians+4%3A19&version=KJV

He leaves off the last three words.

God has supplied Chinese food, and Mexican food, and a van and a trailer. Gary shrieks about how God will supply your every need, if you are faithful. "Ahmahna say somethin' to ya, ah'm not one of those preachers, I do not preach prophercy - uh, prah -" suddenly quiet, to Becky, "What's that word ah'm tryin' to say?"
Becky: "Prosperity."
Gary: "Prosperity. Ah'm not preachin' 'at."

Still referring to God, he says "Now ahmahna say somethin' to ya - ah'm not sure that He should be fundin' us through this government mess, amen, amen, amen, AMEN!' Murmurs of agreement. "Ah'm takin' the money they they give me." Screams of agreement.  "Ah'm gonna tell you wha ah'm doin' it. Somebody's gotta pay it back, 'n' ah figure mah grandchildren ought to be the ones to do it, amen." Laughs.

It seems Gary has decided that it's OK to take money from the government, because it's really from God.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=phillipians+4%3A13&version=KJV

Gary screams about how he wants people to see Christ, not him, when he preaches, and other things we've heard many times, then gets back to how God provides.

He brings up a guy ("and he may watch this, but ah really don't keer") from New York who moved to California (so I think this is the guy who calls him up and curses), and now tells us that he's always asking for money, and telling Gary what he needs. Gary says he's pretty sure that guy could find a good job in Texas (um, isn't he in California, Gary?), and stop living off of the government.

And he actually has the gall to say "You able to work and you don't work, ahmahnna tell you raht now, ahmahnna tell you raht now, God -  God ain't gon' bless you. Amen."

Becky, please embroider that sentence (you can leave out the repeats), frame it, and hang it wherever Gary goes, until he gets a clue.

He doesn't get quite the yells he wants, so he says "Don't get quiet on me, ah'll believe you believe in the government mess amen."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+6%3A33&version=KJV

Some well-worn riffs follow. Gary gets tangled up when trying to rattle of his usual list of the tortures Jesus went through, and says He was "beaten upon and smocked."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+peter+5%3A7&version=KJV

Several minutes of how much God "keers." Gary read somewhere that God keeps  bottles of our tears - one for each of us. I guess those are stored with the Lamb's book, or possibly the blood of Jesus. BTW, Mr. Bible scholar, you probably read it here.

World's in a mess, schools are in a mess, need to keep kids in church - again, old riffs. In a disgusted tone: "Mah wahf told me somethin' 'bout one of our kids yesterday, and it just about made. Me. Sick."

Gary says God is telling him to talk about the son in Luke, who leaves because he is sick of the rules (that would be the Prodigal Son, who says no such thing, but Gary always interprets it that way).

After some screaming about parents who let the TV babysit their children, he starts snarking on Jacob's use of snapchat and his two friends. "I'm not sure he has any friends." Then more screaming, about the news.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+8%3A44&version=KJV

Gary teases them about never starting their regular services on time, with this racist little gem: "Ah've been hangin' 'round Indians, and ah'm wondering if they ain't rubbin' off on y'all, amen." Laughs.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+thessalonians+4%3A13-18&version=KJV

Lots of stumbles and errors.

A big push not to lay up treasures here on earth, we're soon gettin' out of here. Hint hint.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+10%3A13&version=KJV

You better make sure you're saved - eternity's a long time. Death, dying, etc.

While recounting what Jesus did, Gary goes through His life: "He came as a babe, borned as a virgin . . . "

I think all of us can make that claim, Gary.

Altar call, then the pastor announces upcoming activities, including helping to take down the tent, and gives a final prayer, which includes praying for the tent and the person who went to get the pizza (yes, they're having pizza again).

So, if God gave Gary something new to say, I think it consisted of reading a few verses he doesn't usually read, some new gossip and nasty talk about his kids. The rest was the same old same old.

Edited by thoughtful
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thoughtful

Gary got Becky some treats. If I remember correctly, she can't eat 2-3 of the things listed. I'm pretty sure she has some kind of reaction to cantaloupe and tomatoes, and may also be unable to eat watermelon.

Spoiler

image.png.5fdf0ea26ac70f00eff1ca8039703737.png

Gary's posts show his real priorities. The next gig:

Spoiler

image.png.1584e4618c093ac9041181d28af25088.png

Spoiler

image.png.18d0f5d6b74256712d1ab7ea817bc02b.png

 

image.png.eda7e527d08b3d6a759de9b7b142e9ea.png

Barbara, don't give Gary any ideas - he lets go of the steering wheel entirely too much as it is.

image.png.ff901ec80fce39f754997b7eab2929e4.png

 

They have a few a little bit more to go. I hope Gary didn't take out his annoyance at having to pay for a motel room two nights in a row, instead of just one, on Jacob or Becky.

image.png.9db2fae65262c05a23695b303cd7960f.png

 

 

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Dana723

Now Gary, what have I told you about coming to South Carolina?  We already have Lindsey Graham.  There's not room for both you and your idiocy.

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Ozlsn
22 hours ago, thoughtful said:

After some screaming about parents who let the TV babysit their children, he starts snarking on Jacob's use of snapchat and his two friends. "I'm not sure he has any friends."

Maybe if you stayed put long enough for him to make friends then he would. It must be hard always coming in as "that weird itinerant preacher's son".

22 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Mah wahf told me somethin' 'bout one of our kids yesterday, and it just about made. Me. Sick."

Is it wrong that I kind of hope they've converted to Catholicism?

22 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Covetousness loses a syllable - "covetness."

In Gary's case it's not particularly covert covetness.

22 hours ago, thoughtful said:

The pastor comes up again to drone on about Mephibosheth for a while.

I had to go and read the link, having no idea who they were talking about (or why actually - I don't think I've ever been to a sermon that focused on that part - although if I did it was probably paired with discussion of refugees, and some pointed discussion of policy and acceptance).  What a very strange sermon choice (unless he was promoting tolerance and acceptance of refugees into the community, but I am cynical enough to doubt that.)

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clese

So I read this on one of gary Hawkins god bothering friends pages today.

Are you FREAKIN JOKING?????

As someone who lives in one of these countries you want to spout your bs in, that in itself is unwanted but for the love of everything biblical keep your freakin covid carrying bodies in your own countries!!

20210412_141711.jpg

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Expectopatronus
On 4/2/2021 at 1:46 AM, PumaLover said:

OK folks, I just want to thank y'all for keeping me entertained while I waited in the vet's parking lot while my cat had testing done today. I've fallen behind on Bro (damn JillRod is almost a full time job). The highlight was the "Take it Easy" remake, which is my most favorite Eagles song (because I love AZ so much).

Did anyone else cringe when he referred to the Navajo people as "the Indians?" Every time I read that it did something to me, especially since I am a white person living on former Native* land. Can any FJers enlighten me? Is "Indians" an offensive term? I haven't been in school for a long, long time but thought it was. 

My daughter has been accepted by the *Natives and has made friends, and she's told me they prefer to be called Native/s, so that's what I call them. Many of the locals I've met and interacted with are very friendly. 

Where I live the generally accepted terms are Indigenous or First Nations. That said, I don’t even want to imagine how badly Gary would mangle Indigenous. 

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thoughtful

 

On 4/11/2021 at 12:00 AM, Ozlsn said:

I had to go and read the link, having no idea who they were talking about (or why actually - I don't think I've ever been to a sermon that focused on that part - although if I did it was probably paired with discussion of refugees, and some pointed discussion of policy and acceptance).  What a very strange sermon choice (unless he was promoting tolerance and acceptance of refugees into the community, but I am cynical enough to doubt that.)

It was just a brief comment, not a whole message - that pastor seemed to like little bits and pieces of obscure Biblical lore and word origins. He described how Mephibosheth (who I'd never heard of), was so crippled (his word, not mine) that he had to be carried around. But, while sitting at David's table, he looked like anyone else.

He said we all need to be carried to God, since we are not saved by works (so now even walking is works?). And, returning to how Mephibosheth looked like anyone else when sitting still: "With God, there is no respecter of persons, there is no black, white, gray, yellow, pink, uhhhhh, I mean, any of that, amen? In Christ, we're one, amen?"

But we're only all one if we're "at the King's table," by which I'm pretty sure he means their kind of Christian.

And, yeah, I had to go back and listen to it to remember if he had a point. Mostly, he said Uhhhhhhh and ummmmmm, so I zoned out a lot whenever he talked.

Sunday morning service at Gospel Light Independent Baptist Church in Conway SC starts with Gary wandering back and forth in front of the camera as Pastor Pridgen starts the service.

Spoiler

image.png.ee7d5d5bbd8f25f51fbcca69d4e3361f.png

image.png.8915532f59fbbfa2845c0d0b41955fd3.png

image.png.c20de2eb84588a8e85c182df4c55782b.png

image.png.1b831ab86366d5425e2ac93b8543bc85.png

 

He continues to fidget, stops long enough to sing Give Me Jesus with the congregation, then starts fidgeting and moving around again, while the pastor talks.

The pastor, announcing that they are going to sing Revive Us Again, says he thought it would be a nice introduction for the Hawkins family. "You say, 'but there's Christians there.' Yeah, I know. Dead people can't be revived. When's the last time you saw someone do CPR on someone that had no heartbeat? Would it do any good?"

Answers of "No."

Perhaps Becky will clue them in after church.

Anyway, revival is for people who are alive (I think he means spiritually) and in church.

They start singing, then Becky starts playing, so they are in two different keys.  I fast-forward.

The pastor drones on about what revival is for a while, then calls Gary up.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+100&version=KJV

Gary's theme is What Belongs to God.

Everything.

But he goes on for another 45 minutes, so I guess there's more.

He does his usual crap about how the schools teach that "we were just poufed into existence," and speaking as if the scientists are claiming that they created everything.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah+51%3A16&version=KJV

He struggles terribly to read this short verse, and to explain why he read it. Ironic, considering the text.

KJV: And I have put my words in thy mouth, and I have covered thee in the shadow of mine hand, that I may plant the heavens, and lay the foundations of the earth, and say unto Zion, Thou art my people.
Bro Gary Version: An' ah have put mah words in mah thah mouth, and I have covered, and I have covered thee in the shadow of mah hands, that I may - that I may plant the heavens, and lay the foundations in the earth, and say unto Zion, they are - Thou art my people.

"Now, in the beginnin' of this wor - verse here it says 'An' ah have put mah words in thah mouth,' now y'know what? Before ah got saved, the words of God was not in mah mouth. Now the word God was in mah mouth, but ah'm not gonna say ah thank God that ah don't no longer do that an' ah'm not braggin' on that, but God's words, ya know what? When ah preach an' when ah tell somebody about God and when ah go out witnessin', ah want God's words."

Maybe he meant he used to take God's name in vain, before he was saved. :confusion-shrug: Gary seems to use the "ah'm not boastin' on that, ah'm not braggin' on that" for one of two extremes - either something he did that he would be proud of and about which he wants us to think he's modest, or something he considers sinful from his pre-saved days.

Now that Gary's saved, he says his mouth belongs to Jesus. So he is careful about what he says.

I feel a song parody coming on, to the tune of My Heart Belongs to Daddy:

I used to cuss, and make a fuss,
Couldn’t discuss things with ladies.
But now I quell my urge so well,
For fear of hell, that is, Hades.

My language isn’t crude
Due to that sweet Savior dude!

When cars break down, can't get to town,
I may think a curse word that pleases.
But when I do, I don't follow through,
'Cause my mouth  belongs to Jesus!

When folks invite me for the night,
To dine on assortments of cheeses,
I just eat four, I don’t ask for more,
‘Cause my mouth belongs to Jesus!

Yes, my mouth belongs to Jesus
So I simply never will cuss!
Yes, my mouth belongs to Jesus
Sus sus sus sus sus sus sus sus Jesius.

So I warn you that He sees us,
Watch your language, please mind it well,
Make your mouth belong to Jesus
'Cause my Jesus will send you to Hell!

I couldn't resist tying it to his diet, as well as his language.

So, where were we . . .

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah+55%3A8-9&version=KJV

Walk in God's way - the grass is always greener on God's side of the fence. "God's grass is a whole lot righteous."

Gary tells them to look in Psalms 3, and we hear Becky quietly say "Proverbs."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs+3%3A5-6&version=KJV

Go in God's direction, just like following the directions from a GPS.

He says we need to read the Bible every day, just like we need water. This leads him to the story of Jacob getting dehydrated in New Mexico, which he starts with by telling them: "Whenever Jacob didn't want to travel to where we was gonna go get the truck - the van, ah cain't believe he didn't want to be with his parents for a few days, but that's the way children are today."

It was the trailer, you shit, and stop picking on that child.

Oh, and he includes his initial reaction when Jacob called and said he felt sick: "Oh mah Lord, them Indians done give him the Covid, amen."

He assures them that if they "dehahdrate spir'tually," they will die.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+13%3A13-14&version=KJV

KJV: Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.
BGV: Let us wohlk honestly, as in the days; not in riotous 'n' or drunkenness, nor in chahmberin' and wohnt'ness, not in strife and envy.

Your walk belongs to God.

Lots of disjointed sentence fragments follow, and guilt-mongering you've all heard before from Gary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+3%3A6&version=KJV

Gary is doing God's work, and gives God all the credit.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+6%3A20&version=KJV

Gary announces the correct reading, but then starts reading something else. Becky sets him straight.

KJV: For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
BGV: For ye are bowht with a priccccccce: therefore glorify your God in your body, and your spirit, which is - which are of God.

Gary's body belongs to God.

He tells us again how he hates Facebook, and only uses it because "ah got a lady in Maine who don't have a church, ah got a lady in Maine who got pushed out" of her church. "That's between them 'n' God, and they will answer for it."

But anybody who watches church on Facebook who is able to go to church will be judged for it.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=galatians+6%3A8-10&version=KJV

Time belongs to God.

Gary tells the story of the two flat tires he had on the way from Ennis TX to Conway SC, and needing to replace the axle on the trailer, which he says didn't fix the problem. It wasn't Gary's plan, but God had other ideas.

Gary still insists it is the trailer God wanted him to have, because they prayed for it for four years. As he tells us this, Amazing Grace is chiming. Somebody's phone? A clock in the church?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+3%3A8&version=KJV

Salvation belongs to the Lord. That's why you can't lose it.

And, believe it or not, we get neither an admonition to make sure we're saved, or mention of the thirsty rich man in torment.

 I may faint.

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thoughtful
On 4/7/2021 at 1:50 AM, thoughtful said:

Gary goes on and on about the church being founded on The Rock (he makes sure we know that doesn't mean Peter, and that Peter wasn't a Pope, of course - maybe he means Dwayne Johnson).

Quoting myself, because I just noticed this, under Gary's latest video:

Spoiler

image.png.268225bf32cb71da15fa8be31ffcea1b.png

OK, the spelling is different, but still, it gave me a giggle.

 

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Ozlsn
49 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Oh, and he includes his initial reaction when Jacob called and said he felt sick: "Oh mah Lord, them Indians done give him the Covid, amen."

What. A. Tool. The Navajo are at considerably higher risk from covid than Gary, and have done a hell of a lot more to contain spread in their community. Every time I think he can't get worse, and he goes for an early 20th century view of Indigenous populations. Arsehole.

53 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary's body belongs to God.

God is welcome to it. Who his soul belongs to is up for debate.

54 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

the schools teach that "we were just poufed into existence,

So Gary wasn't listening for 6 years there either. 

1 hour ago, clese said:

but for the love of everything biblical keep your freakin covid carrying bodies in your own countries!!

I figure we'll start requiring proof of vaccination - that'll keep them out, hopefully. The Navajo should consider it, heh.

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Black Aliss
1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

I feel a song parody coming on, to the tune of My Heart Belongs to Daddy:

And, once more, @thoughtful knocks it out of the park. Thank you!

 

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thoughtful
13 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

What. A. Tool. The Navajo are at considerably higher risk from covid than Gary, and have done a hell of a lot more to contain spread in their community. Every time I think he can't get worse, and he goes for an early 20th century view of Indigenous populations. Arsehole.

I don't think I made it clear in my post, but that wasn't new - it was the way he originally told the story, right after it happened, and I did post that quote when I recapped the first time.  So we've heard it at least twice now, and I think even more - I've lost track, since I hear a lot of the same things over and over from Gary.

I think, in his mind, it's just an adorable line that endears him to all. He seems to feel that way about all of his racist spew about the Navajo people. He's joked unambiguously about them spreading Covid, never being on time, stealing (with the bit about not wanting to leave his trailer with them for fear of never getting his stuff back) and scalping, and has hinted at other bad habits.

And, horrifyingly, he sometimes gets laughs with that crap. I often wish we could see the  congregations for some of this stuff, to see if everyone is on board, or if there are people sitting there with WTF?! on their faces.

Interestingly, while the Navajo folks he's met get their racist crap in the form of jokes, I think Gary differentiates with his other racism. As far as I can tell, in his mind, "Spanish people" (by which I know he means anyone who is from a Latino culture) and "Chahnese" (by which, I figure, he means all Asians) are OK but sort of puzzling. As long as they are "saved," keep cooking for him, and don't give him any guilt about what a racist shit he is, he's fine with them, but  I don't think he sees them as people.

Black people are in a whole other category to him, I  think - sort of scary, and way too demanding, with their expectation that their lives matter. It seems like something in his experience has managed to get through his thick skull that he shouldn't joke about them, at least not while preaching, the way he still does about indigenous people. That's the only thing about his attitude that actually surprises me - Gary strikes me as the type to have and use a whole repertoire of Stepin Fetchit stereotypes from decades ago.

Becky's posting the video of that horrifying William Grady sermon makes me think they both feel that European people were literally God's gift to the world.

But Gary claims anyone residing in the US is part of "his people," and he wants to bring us all to Jesus.

Bite me, Gary.

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Alisamer
On 4/9/2021 at 2:31 PM, smittykins said:

Shortly after The Former Guy was elected, someone on my FB feed posted “We lived through Obama.  You’ll live through (TFG).”

Except the half-million who didn't live through the former guy's tenure...

No mention of the nekkid people on the beach? They were in Conway, right? Becky had to have gotten a little beach time out of this trip.

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