Bro Gary Hawkins 17: Naschitti

[Ozlsn]

19 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Oh, it's the naked guy who got dressed when Jesus put his demons into the swine. Gary reads "legion" as "legend."

"I am legend" is not quite the same...

23 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Kids need preaching. "These bus kids - mama and daddy don't even keer about 'em." "Ah know how they are, they're not raised lahk church children."

Screw you Gary. You have no idea about any of their families and why their parents are letting come on this "ministry" - but either way you don't get to stand there and make assertions about children you don't actually know and have no intention of getting to know. You don't want to be a pasture, so stay the he'll in your lane.

19 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary tells them how he is about to go to upstate New York and explain to the Catholics how there is a man called Jesus

No he's not. He's going to go to the same pissant Baptist churches he always goes to, rant and shout a bit and get money. He might hand out a tract or two but that's it. 

Also I kind of want to see Gary try that. 

18 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He tells them a story about a church that admitted a man, and a year later found out he'd been sleeping with different women from the church. And the old pastor said he could have warned them that would happen, if they'd called him. But no names, of course.

I sometimes wonder if half the attraction of having Gary is getting all the gossip from other churches that doesn't quite make it onto Facebook.

[Black Aliss]

21 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Becky, have you still not explained to Gary what the "issue of blood" was in this story? "Issue" as in coming out of her body, Gary, not "issue" as in problem.

Becky probably thinks there's a periodical called Blood, and this poor woman had just the one issue, no subscription, no collection of back issues, nuttin'

[thoughtful]

18 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

20 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary reads "legion" as "legend."

"I am legend" is not quite the same...

Really! It cracks me up when Gary does that.

19 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

20 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary tells them how he is about to go to upstate New York and explain to the Catholics how there is a man called Jesus

No he's not. He's going to go to the same pissant Baptist churches he always goes to, rant and shout a bit and get money. He might hand out a tract or two but that's it. 

Oh, but Gary tells us how he has to "deal with" Catholics all the time when soulwinning door-to-door in Yankee land! Although, he doesn't seem to have gotten any new stories about Catholics for a while . . .  hmmm . . . ?

21 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

I sometimes wonder if half the attraction of having Gary is getting all the gossip from other churches that doesn't quite make it onto Facebook.

That's a great theory. It certainly makes more sense than thinking that his preaching is actually worth having.

I was thinking that this latest morsel, about the man who slept with several women in the congregation, sounded like part of his new hero's story - David Hyles.

Wednesday evening at Liberty in Marion Ohio starts with the singing of Victory in Jesus. I fast-forward past the rest of the singing.

The pastor tells us how he got saved, when he was a kid. He went to the teen service one Sunday, even though he was younger. At the altar call, he went up and told his bus worker "I don't want to go to Hell." And the bus worker "opened up his little testament and he showed me how to be saved."

Gary begins by telling them they need to be fightin' for the book, like the martyrs of old, because the government's going to try to take it away.

He mocks and teases the pastor a bit, announces the reading, says he's concerned because most people are sitting on the side of the church with someone he knows is a Joe Biden fan.

This group seems to think Gary is a comic genius.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah+9%3A1-7&version=KJV

The usual errors - vextation, the days of medium, governors on his shoulder, etc., followed by some well-worn Garyshit. The last year has proven, "about old-tahm religion, who's real and who's not."

"Ahwanna  preach, with the help of the Lord, Is It Real . . . To You?

"Jesus bein' born of a virgin, it's real - that's not a friction story."

Insert your own joke here. ?

"We're not readin' a book that tells ya about the three little pigs, we're readin' a real, lahve book."

Gary screams about the Bible being real and  alive, and how he's willing to die for it, for a while.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+16%3A13-16&version=KJV

Jesus is real - "it's not a friction!"

Gary yells his story of telling the young man in the supermarket to shut up because he was cursing, and how having something as big as God in you should show, just like being pregnant.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+16%3A18-20&version=KJV

Gary shrieks about how important church is. He extols the virtues of his tent for bringing people in. He got some people for his tent revival in Ennis TX because they called the local "chamber of congress" to ask if anything was going on in town.

I think that's commerce, not congress, Gary.

Gary scorns people who ask him "steeoopid" questions on Facebook, and tell them he will only answer biblically.

"Ah worked in missions, years ago 'n' ah had a - ah had a church to send me from Texas, ah'm not gonna tell ya where it was at in Texas, an' ah don't even wanna know where it was at in Texas, an' on that tuh - on that, on that thing, they wanted me t' - they asked me a question of what mah wahf wore to bed." Long pause - we hear someone say "What?" "You know what ah did with it? Ah put it in the trash. Ah don' wanna go where no pervert of a preacher is, amen? Ah'd hate it had to be the one t'beat the daylights out of 'im, and ah would do it. Mess with mah family. Amen!"

I think the object Gary was talking about was a piece of paper - an application or information sheet he was supposed to fill out for a church, I guess. If, indeed, they asked what his wife wore to bed, that is very weird. But this is Gary, so who knows what it really said.

He shrieks about preaching, and good old songs without all them smokestacks, and his fantasy of being electrocuted for the church.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+16%3A27-33&version=KJV

That thirsty rich man in Hell again, followed by lots of screaming about Hell and frying like sausage and the worms. He tells the story of Caleb burning himself (he now says it's been about a month, so I guess it didn't happen a second time). Gary says "it wasn't pretty." He recommends Pirkle's Burning Hell film. They all break out into full-volume screaming for a while, about Hell.

"You know what? Ah preached at a church here some tahm ago, and he thanked me for preachin' on Hell, becowse he didn't think he had the guts to do it. Ahmanna tell you raht now, you wouldn't be mah pasture - if you cain't preach on Hell ahmanna tell you whatchu need to do - sit down and shut up. Good preachin' if ah am doin' it."

Yells and screams of support.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+24%3A5-7&version=KJV

More screaming, about God being alive, and the virtue of screaming about God being alive.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+5%3A17&version=KJV

Gary talks about how he changed when he got saved, and gave up cussin'. He hates television because the first thing you hear when you turn it on "is a cuss word. Makes me so stinkin' mad."

And, of course, since it's his theme. Gary tells us what he wants on his tombstone.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+20%3A10&version=KJV

The devil is real. Gary tells them about his cousin who used to be pretty but is now ugly due to sin, how she got thrown out of a car, and how he sends preachers after her.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+22%3A1-5&version=KJV

Lots of errors. We get the usual crap about how silly it would be to pay for a meal again if it was already paid for, streets of gold, etc.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+13%3A5&version=KJV

It really sounded like he said "reprobate" instead of "reptobate," but I can't believe it. It was not real to me.

One last scream about Jesus being "bitten upohn, spitten upohn, mowked and made fun of," and then his "whosoever" crap about all races and "collars."

"You know what ah'm so sicka hearin' about race." He gets "amens" and a "me too, brother."

"Ah tell ya what makes me racis' is somebody that is racis'. Amen?"

And Gary winds down, getting softer and softer as he talks about leaving tracts everywhere.

[Ozlsn]

56 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

Becky probably thinks there's a periodical called Blood, and this poor woman had just the one issue, no subscription, no collection of back issues, nuttin'

There's a Medical Journal published by the American Society for Hematology. Poor lady, 2000 years too early, and journal subscriptions aren't cheap!

[thoughtful]

On 4/30/2021 at 1:15 PM, Black Aliss said:

rhetorical rhetotical question

On 4/30/2021 at 9:54 AM, postscript said:

I really hope Becky can tune out Gary during her sand therapy.

Based on the videos we've seen, I really think she does. She generally walks quite far away from him, and looks like she's in a world of her own.

Not that Becky is much of a better person than Gary, but at least she (and more importantly, Jacob) get a little break from the human mosquito.

On 4/30/2021 at 7:30 PM, Black Aliss said:

Becky probably thinks there's a periodical called Blood, and this poor woman had just the one issue, no subscription, no collection of back issues, nuttin'

Well, she is smarter than Gary, and female, and a nurse, so I had some hope for her.

Edited January 10, 2022 by thoughtful

[Ozlsn]

53 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Jesus bein' born of a virgin, it's real - that's not a friction story."

Bet Mary begs to differ.

54 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

I think that's commerce, not congress, Gary

Depends on the town really...

56 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Ah'd hate it had to be the one t'beat the daylights out of 'im, and ah would do it. Mess with mah family. Amen

Big talk there Gary. Betting it wouldn't be without at least one conspirator though.

58 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary tells them about his cousin who used to be pretty but is now ugly due to sin, how she got thrown out of a car, and how he sends preachers after her.

Gary stop stalking your cousin, sheesh.

[EyesOpen]

I cannot believe this bigoted asshole said the quiet part out loud (again)! Churches brought busses of children in supposedly to minister to them and ‘get them in the doors’ but people like Gary just look down on those kids and their family. This dude is a disgusting piece of trash and doesn’t preach any God I believe in... and yet somehow still less upsetting than the josh and Anna thread. Oof. Does evangelical Christianity know what they’re growing? God don’t like it...

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

Gary scorns people who ask him "steeoopid" questions on Facebook, and tell them he will only answer biblically.

Gonna be a little hard to convert people if you have absolutely no patience for anyone who doesn't already agree with you about everything.

[thoughtful]

On 5/1/2021 at 10:36 AM, EyesOpen said:

Churches brought busses of children in supposedly to minister to them and ‘get them in the doors’ but people like Gary just look down on those kids and their family.

And they still do - the place at which Gary was preaching in Ohio has a bus ministry, and four of the "bus kids" got "saved" last Sunday.

Gary looks down on the parents, for sure. He does have a story he tells often, about a church where members were concerned about the bus kids doing damage to their shiny new building, and the pastor threatened to take the bus kids, go down the road, and start a new church with just them. He was clearly telling off the snobs, and Gary is clearly on his side.

But whether Gary tells that story because he knows it sounds good, or because he genuinely cares about the kids, I don't know. And, of course, even if he cares about the kids, what he cares about is protecting them from the the things he scorns in this life, and saving their souls for the next. It's not like he'd protect them from parents who beat them or under-educate them - he'd encourage that.

On 4/30/2021 at 9:21 PM, Ozlsn said:

On 4/30/2021 at 8:22 PM, thoughtful said:

Jesus bein' born of a virgin, it's real - that's not a friction story."

Bet Mary begs to differ.

I'm so glad you picked up on this straight line. You make me happy.

The last night of the revival at Liberty in Ohio begins with singing and prayer, which I mostly skip, but I listened enough to  know that Gary commented and moaned through the prayers, as usual, and the pastor asked for prayers for the churches Gary talks about that need pastors, that a man would step up. He also pushes soulwinning and tracts.

Gary comes up, cracks wise about Biden, and Becky tells him to fix his tie.

Gary does his final-night thank-yous, and says "Ah will not say that the Holiday Inn was as nice as that other place, but it was still nice, amen?"

He says he'd like to come back to this church, and "hopefully Joe Bahden'll be gone bah then."

He tells them that Jacob told him he preached better there than he had in a while. Gary says what makes the difference is being able to "preach in liberty - no restrictions," and complains about churches where he has to walk on eggshells.

He says he's grateful for people who pray for him, since he just lost a prayer warrior, and goes on about the man who had "altimers," and who Gary told that his purpose for continuing to live was to pray for Gary. He doesn't mention that the man also sent him money.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+1%3A1-8&version=KJV

He adds his joke about John the Baptist's wife being a bad cook after verse 6. Because, of course, the wild man wandering about couldn't have found his own locusts and honey - he must have had a wife preparing them.    Did she mend his camel-hair shmatte as well, Gary?

He exhorts them to keep going, and that leads him off to gossip about a church where they're about to go to in NY, that only has seven people, because they had a split.

Gary's theme is Things We Should Say.

He makes another Biden crack, then talks about someone that a church member brought to the service the previous night. "Ah promise you, that gah prob'ly didn't sleep as good last naht as ah slept, amen? And then Brother Leonard was prayin'  last naht - er, today, on the part, listen hey 'n' ah prayed it today, and ah even prayed it last naht before ah went to sleep 'don't let him sleep! 'Til he gits it settled.'"

Praying for someone to have insomnia until they accept Jesus - how very Gary.

Psalms 100:5 - KJV: For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.
Bro Gary Version: For the Lord is good; his mercy is truth. His mercy endureth to all generations. Lemme read that agin. For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his.  Truth endureth to all generations.

We ought to brag on God. Gary says that the people on his Facebook who complain about Joe Biden should pray for him instead, because all he needs is Jesus.

Gary tells us again how he "let" his wife visit some family in West Virginia, and how God gave him his vehicles. Gary screams about how he doesn't deserve anything - he should have been the one to suffer the tortures Jesus went through (which he lists, of course!) and should be burning in Hell like sausage.

"Quit complainin' - everybody has bad days." He talks about the preacher's wife coming in last night "not lookin' good," and a woman as last week's tent meeting who was clearly in pain, but they came to church.

Psalms 144:15 - KJV: Happy is that people, that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people, whose God is the Lord.
BGV: Happy is the people, that in such - that is in such a case: yea, happy is that people. Who God is the Lord.

Gary shrieks angrily about being happy, does his "ah don't have to ________, ah git to_____" riff, and reminds us that Jesus made everything, not the scientists.

Gary claims he doesn't complain in a restaurant when they "mess up mah mealsssss," because he is a Christian, and they should see "a glow about me."

As usual when he gets on the "don't complain" bit, Gary needs to be indiscreet about people with serious medical issues, and give them guilt about not being grateful they aren't that bad off. He has a new example of this really shitty approach today -  he tells them about a pastor in Pennsylvania who has cramps all over his body, all the time. Gary says he eats a banana every morning so he won't have even a little bitty tiny cramp.

He teases the guy who supposedly likes Biden again.

Gary says someone on his Facebook said that, if you've never spoken in tongues, you're not filled with the Holy Spirit. Gary assures us that he has never "spoke in tonguesssss," and then says this: "Ah go out to the Indian - Navajo Indians, and ah ah ah'm tryin' t'learn ah told 'em if they gimme about 10 years butchu know what ah told him ah said 'Brother,' ah said, 'That's not script'ral,' he kep' on comin' back tellin' me ah was a baby 'n' all this kinda stuff, he said why you gittin' mad ah said because you're another one a those that say yer a King James Bahble believer 'n' make it say whatchu wan' it to say."

Are you sure you don't speak in tongues, Gary? Because that was pretty garbled.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+11%3A1-4&version=KJV

The Bible has all the answers. Gary said a man there asked him for advice about going into evangelism - after his usual "Ah'm nothin', ah'm nobody" disclaimer, Gary says he told him to brace himself, because "not every church is gonna like you."

He claims he's had to pay some churches to have revival.

We get a quick glance at some history: "When mah Daddy first went inta missions, he joined a mission board, the mission board done him wrong, and then he just went out of a local church."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+11%3A28-30&version=KJV

Gary says he called his sister last week to thank her, because she had accumulated points with the motel chain they stayed at during the previous revival, that got him some money off. Yeah, like Gary paid.

And, for once, Gary says something sort of nice - he says his mother's dog is ill, and his sister asked him to pray for the dog. He says that, if you don't believe in praying for dogs, that's OK (which is Gary's way of saying it's not OK), but God did make them, and cares about them.

Gary jokes about his boat not comin' in, wondering if it got stuck in China somewhere and has the corona on it.

And he goes on to say that God cares about his financial needs. Oh, right - this is the last night of the revival.

God cares about the way Gary eats. "Ah mean ah went to Wendy's last naht, and ah coulda got me one of the juiciest - one of the nastiest 'n' filthiest hamburgers, an' ah got a salad. You say wha? Well, ah'm not sayin' anythin' about anybody else gettin' what they got, ah'm just sayin' God cares about us makin' right decisions. Amen?"

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+3%3A20&version=KJV

God is able. He got the church a second bathroom.

Gary blathers about a kid he met at a church in Pennsylvania who was ill and not expected to live, and now she's walkin' around, and that's due to God.

Gary stopped taking his blood pressure medication at least five months ago, without consulting his doctor, because he just knew it was time.

He says he got back into exercising that morning, and his body didn't want to do it, because he hadn't done it in a while.

And he screams about how he gives advice about eating less and "extercise" to people on Facebook. Oh, and you can't do it without God.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+6%3A23&version=KJV

We need to be saved.

Gary talks about tithes - not that it's all about money, mind you, it's just about being saved. He says that "Old man J. C. Penneys" gave 90% of his income to the church, and, of course, Gary believes that is the reason the store was blessed. Now lots of the stores are closing - whether he thinks that's due to the current CEO not giving enough to churches, he doesn't say.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=titus+2%3A11&version=KJV

Get saved.

Gary says he has tracts now that asks whose lives matter, and "have a box" for Black, while, and "Spanish" lives mattering to Jesus. This is the closest I could find:

https://libertygospeltracts.com/product/which-lives-matter/

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+14%3A6&version=KJV

Gary praises Bobby Roberson for a while, because he didn't give up preaching, even when he was dying.

Gary tells them it's OK to go out soulwinning on Sunday. Just don't quit, don't let the government fool you or deprive you.

And he winds down, getting softer and softer, as he exhorts them not to quit.

Edited January 10, 2022 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Gary did a motel room (or prophet's quarters) video, from Elbridge NY on Friday afternoon.

Spoiler

He sucks his teeth, and describes how the lost man who was "under conviction" in Ohio "squirmed and wiggled," and how he enjoyed watching that.

He doesn't have much to say - he talks about how he enjoyed his time in Ohio, hopes we're having a good week, tells us it's Friday and Sunday's coming, yawns, and starts rocking in the chair.

     

Spoiler

          

He's not complaining, but they've been in church back-to-back for four weeks straight. Poor Gary, actually needing to stand up and talk 4-6 times a week for an hour.

He asks for our prayers, and yawns again.

He tells us that this is the church with only seven members, and one of them is in the hospital after major surgery. Another big yawn, and two more as he tells us we have to let God into our hearts.

"The Lord is soon comin', but, until then, let's get busy."

 

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

And they still do - the place at which Gary was preaching in Ohio has a bus ministry, and four of the "bus kids" got "saved" last Sunday.

Heh, in my mind that sentence more obviously read "brought in buses that day..."

[postscript]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary did a motel room (or prophet's quarters) video, from Elbridge NY on Friday afternoon.

  Reveal hidden contents

He sucks his teeth, and describes how the lost man who was "under conviction" in Ohio "squirmed and wiggled," and how he enjoyed watching that.

He doesn't have much to say - he talks about how he enjoyed his time in Ohio, hopes we're having a good week, tells us it's Friday and Sunday's coming, yawns, and starts rocking in the chair.

     

  Reveal hidden contents

          

He's not complaining, but they've been in church back-to-back for four weeks straight. Poor Gary, actually needing to stand up and talk 4-6 times a week for an hour.

He asks for our prayers, and yawns again.

He tells us that this is the church with only seven members, and one of them is in the hospital after major surgery. Another big yawn, and two more as he tells us we have to let God into our hearts.

"The Lord is soon comin', but, until then, let's get busy."

 

Um, Gary - aren’t you the one constantly posting messages exhorting people to go to church (and not streaming church, but actual in-person church)? This is your calling (I was going to say job, but using that word and Gary’s name in the same sentence is blasphemy). You aren’t in a good position to complain. 

”Let’s get busy” - he’s really been pinging my inner 12-year-old lately. 

[AmazonGrace]

He tells us that this is the church with only seven members, and one of them is in the hospital after major surgery.

Quote

Another big yawn, and two more as he tells us we have to let God into our hearts.

I suppose Jesus said he'd be there if two or three people gather in his name, or something to that effect, but still, if a church has only seven members it seems either like a family that won't get along with anyone else or  awfully inefficient. No wonder Gary's friends have trouble finding pastures if you need one for every seven people, and have to support the church with donations from the same seven people.

Quote

Gary says someone on his Facebook said that, if you've never spoken in tongues, you're not filled with the Holy Spirit. Gary assures us that he has never "spoke in tonguesssss," and then says this: "Ah go out to the Indian - Navajo Indians, and ah ah ah'm tryin' t'learn ah told 'em if they gimme about 10 years butchu know what ah told him ah said 'Brother,' ah said, 'That's not script'ral,' he kep' on comin' back tellin' me ah was a baby 'n' all this kinda stuff, he said why you gittin' mad ah said because you're another one a those that say yer a King James Bahble believer 'n' make it say whatchu wan' it to say."

If Gary started to speak in tongues, how would anyone know the difference?

[Ozlsn]

5 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

if a church has only seven members it seems either like a family that won't get along with anyone else or  awfully inefficient.

Or a cult. Always an option!

On 5/3/2021 at 6:12 AM, thoughtful said:

I'm so glad you picked up on this straight line. You make me happy.

I try, I try..

On 5/3/2021 at 6:12 AM, thoughtful said:

Gary does his final-night thank-yous, and says "Ah will not say that the Holiday Inn was as nice as that other place, but it was still nice, amen?"

Ah the master of gracious thankfulness at work.

On 5/3/2021 at 6:12 AM, thoughtful said:

leads him off to gossip about a church where they're about to go to in NY, that only has seven people, because they had a split.

I admit this made me laugh out loud. A schism! Another one! Over Important And Undeniable Theological Matters undoubtedly (or everyone else got sick of their probably covid-related conspiracy rubbish.)

[thoughtful]

On 5/3/2021 at 11:09 AM, AmazonGrace said:

if a church has only seven members it seems either like a family that won't get along with anyone else or  awfully inefficient.

In his previous church message, Gary said they'd had a split, so I think you nailed it with your first thought. Of course, "why not both?" always pops into my mind with these people, since the balance of obnoxiousness and stupidity varies, but there always seem to be both.

Gary wants gigs, where the seasonal weather suits him, as always, and he expects pastors from churches he's visited to recommend him:

Spoiler

Sunday morning service at Calvary Bible Baptist in Elbridge NY starts with the singing of Jesus Shall Reign Where'er the Sun. This is a hymn whose text has been modernized in some hymnals, which the link at Hymnary.org reflects. But this church still sings the verse with this text:

From north to south the princes meet
To pay their homage at His feet,
While western empires own their Lord,
And savage tribes attend His word.

Gotta get those savage tribes in there! 

Becky is wearing a top with a hood. I'm surprised Gary didn't veto that as too casual.

Spoiler

I skip past the rest of the music and prayer, to find out what Gary has to say.  His voice echoes in the nearly empty church.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+27%3A27-37&version=KJV

KJV: And when they had platted a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head, and a reed in his right hand: and they bowed the knee before him, and mocked him, saying, Hail, King of the Jews!
Bro Gary Version: And when they had planted a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head, and  reeds in his right hand: and they bowed the knees before him, and mowked him, saying, Hail, King of the Jews

KJV: And they spit upon him, and took the reed, and smote him on the head.
BGV: And they spit upon him, and took the reed, and smote on - and smote him on the hand.

Gee, Gary - you love to talk about these tortures, and now you're referring to them as mere hand-slapping?

Gary's message is Because of Calvary.

The first part consists of familiar Garyshit.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+19%3A6&version=KJV

Gary rattles off his salvation riff, as well as other familiar shit about the importance of being in church.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+34%3A1&version=KJV

Gary screams about praising the Lord and Chinese food.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+1%3A1&version=KJV

Because of Calvary, be a servant. When we get to Heaven, Jesus will serve us a dinner.

When doing his usual bit about imagining people coming up to him in Heaven and saying they are there because of something he said, or a tract he left, he says something about their calling him "Mr. Hawkins, or whatever mah name is gonna be when ah git to Heaven."

So, he's thinking about a new name to go with the new body, clothes, fried fish, Chinese food and mansion?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+6%3A20&version=KJV

Gary belongs to Christ. He is branded, like a cow.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+15%3A10&version=KJV

He tells us "AA didn't change me," and  "RU didn't change me." Only God.

So, Gary, are you telling us that you had an addiction?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+8%3A6&version=KJV

Because of Calvary, Gary wants to finish.

Gary says to keep on, even though "Life sucks!"

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+4%3A30&version=KJV

Gary tells the story of the Wesleyan teens in South Dakota who told him you could lose your salvation if you have a bad dream and died while having it.

He tells this one pretty often. Gary, just because you met someone who is a bigger asshole than you, doesn't make you right. Also, continuing to tell a story about how you put down some kids, years ago, is not a good look.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+19%3A10&version=KJV

The rich man in Hell, the rich young ruler, etc.

Gary, you phoned this one in. Not a big enough crowd for you to make an effort?

Edited January 10, 2022 by thoughtful

[Ozlsn]

7 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary, you phoned this one in. Not a big enough crowd for you to make an effort?

Possibly not a loud enough crowd. Hard to get energy from a small crowd in a large room, ask any comedian.

7 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Because of Calvary, be a servant. When we get to Heaven, Jesus will serve us a dinner.

There are times when Gary's interpretation of the Bible just cracks me up. "Hello, I'm Jesus, your waiter for this evening - may I recommend the catfish in ginger soy sauce?"

Edited May 3, 2021 by Ozlsn
Weird phone stuff

[postscript]

"planted a crown of thorns" - did they wait for it to finish growing?  

"smote him on the hand" - I'm picturing an old-school teacher, perhaps a Catholic nun, wielding a ruler.  

He thinks he's going to be called "Mr. Hawkins" in heaven? Shouldn't it be Brother Gary or Brother Hawkins? 

The tent holds 300 people?  Since when does any of these tiny churches have 300 parishioners? 

[Dana723]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary screams about praising the Lord and Chinese food.

I'm glad he's got his priorities.

[thoughtful]

Gary wants kids to get to Heaven, not get in the "new paper" or have a great life. The possibility of both doesn't seem to occur to him.

Spoiler

 

Gary makes me want to watch a movie (The World, the Flesh and the Devil). I wonder if either this post or the one above has to do with his hearing about Josh Duggar, or is just Gary's mind wandering as usual.

Spoiler

 

Edited January 10, 2022 by thoughtful

[FiveAcres]

10 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary wants kids to get to Heaven, not get in the "new paper" or have a great life. The possibility of both doesn't seem to occur to him.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Gary's first post is chilling, since it can be parsed:

It doesn't matter what happens to kids (including CSA?) as long as they go to heaven. 

[Four is Enough]

19 hours ago, postscript said:

"smote him on the hand" - I'm picturing an old-school teacher, perhaps a Catholic nun, wielding a ruler.  

just leaving this here...

Quote

 

 

[Alisamer]

On 5/2/2021 at 4:12 PM, thoughtful said:

God cares about the way Gary eats. "Ah mean ah went to Wendy's last naht, and ah coulda got me one of the juiciest - one of the nastiest 'n' filthiest hamburgers, an' ah got a salad. You say wha? Well, ah'm not sayin' anythin' about anybody else gettin' what they got, ah'm just sayin' God cares about us makin' right decisions. Amen?"

 I doubt he could have got the "nastiest 'n' filthiest" hamburger at Wendy's if he's in NY. Because I'd bet he's thinking of the Carolina Classic Wendy's has in NC. You need a bath after eating it, practically, but it's SOOOO good. Hamburger with chili, slaw, onions and mustard. "Carolina style."

I agree Wendy's has good salads, too.

Oh no! I agreed with Gary!

I guess a stopped clock is right once or twice a day, right?

[postscript]

Reading through his Facebook posts again (I really need a life!), I note he’s offering a “packet of information” to prospective churches. Why is this even necessary when there’s ample evidence of his preaching and Becky’s music stylings on his Facebook page? They could just stream one of his many videoed sermons and skip Gary’s begging visit. 

[forgetmenow]

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary make me want to watch a movie (The World, the Flesh and the Devil). I wonder if either this post or the one above has to do with his hearing about Josh Duggar, or is just Gary's mind wandering as usual.

I checked this link which dropped me down a long IMDb rabbit hole that ended with Mata Hari.  After I closed the last IMDb tab and resurfaced back into the Gary thread, I definitely had a "how the hell did I get here?" moment.  Thank you for the recaps, the screencaps and the educational diversions ?

[thoughtful]

Gary got fed again.

 

Their dinner was with this charmer:

Spoiler

Not sure what the joke is supposed to be here - people lied about voting for Biden, not voting for Biden, Biden voters can't do math, what?!

Howe has his priorities:

No, I think they work well, though:

Well, you get the idea.

Here's his book:

https://www.amazon.com/genie-god-Christopher-Howe-ebook/dp/B0929GKL5K/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&qid=1620170702&refinements=p_27%3AChristopher+Howe&s=digital-text&sr=1-2

Quote

We are in the toughest times that we have seen in while in our lives. Evil is being flaunted in the face of God. It is a very bad day when Gods own children are some of the ones flaunting and accepting sin in their lives. If we as God’s children will repent of our sins, he promises that he will heal our land, he will forgive our sins, and he will change the directions that we are heading. It is all about sin. This book lists several areas in life what bible believing Christians have turned their focus from the bible to the things of the world

This book also illustrates how we as Christians have drifted so far from the things of God that we no longer believe the bible for what it says. If we will just get back to the bible, God will heal our land

?