Bro Gary Hawkins 17: Naschitti

[Black Aliss]

5 hours ago, Alisamer said:

I get the impression Gary has difficulty with reading. No problem with that, except he's chosen a "profession" based entirely on reading one very long, very difficult, contradictory in many places, written in an obsolete version of English, book. He's "read" it, but I think that might just mean he's looked at each word one after the other.

 

That's what I think about most of our KJV or KJB fundies. They read the words but there's no comprehension. My spouse has dementia. Last year he decided he was going to read a book in French because, according to him, he used to be fluent in that language. (He wasn't, but he gets to remember things in his own way). Anyway I saw the book back on the shelf and asked him if he'd read it.

"Yes, I read it!"

Okay, so what was it about?

"I don't know. I just read it. I didn't understand it!"

[AmazonGrace]

Hm but it would require him to shut up and listen... do you think he's really up to that?

[Xan]

Gary's been on Facebook again.  This first is him indulging again in thinking about his own death:

Spoiler

He's going to come back to life?  Yikes.  Also, Bro Stout tries his hand again at what passes for fundie humor.

The newest post is... I've got to be honest.  I don't have a clue.  I'm not sure what word he was searching for but "legalistic" isn't it.  Anyone have any ideas?

Spoiler

Legalistic means "adhering to the law".  It might be that he means he's adhering to Biblical law but it's a crazy way to say it.

[AmazonGrace]

I've seen it in some Christian contexts.

https://www.ligonier.org/blog/3-types-legalism/

(it's Sproul here so don't take it so seriously.)

But it's one of the nicer ways to say that  Gary is a judgmental hypocrite and a preachy nag.

[AmazonGrace]

Oh yeah, it doesn't follow. 

Spoiler

Ok folks if your Church sign has the time's of the Services. Then you need to be there everytime at that time. If not then the community will say they don't think much of JESUS. So why should we?

Going to the church  every time is not why I think some people care about Jesus and some don't. 

And I don't stalk the church during all services to see who goes in so the chances are I wouldn't even know.   

[postscript]

7 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Oh yeah, it doesn't follow. 

  Reveal hidden contents

Ok folks if your Church sign has the time's of the Services. Then you need to be there everytime at that time. If not then the community will say they don't think much of JESUS. So why should we?

Going to the church  every time is not why I think some people care about Jesus and some don't. 

And I don't stalk the church during all services to see who goes in so the chances are I wouldn't even know.   

When I was growing up, my mainstream Protestant church would have several services (typically Saturday late afternoon, Sunday 9:00ish, Sunday 11:00ish, maybe even a Sunday 8:00) to allow as many people as possible to come on their own schedule. The Sunday late service was the big service with choir and usually communion, but you could come to any. The sermon would be the same at all. Attendance at midweek services was optional unless it was a church festival (I.e. Ash Wednesday, Good Friday). When I’ve lived near churches, I only paid attention to attendance when it affected parking.

I imagine the churches Gary speaks at are too tiny to have multiple Sunday services. He needs to be at services because it‘s his job (or perhaps I should say “job”?). But he shouldn’t legislate (taking his “legalistic” to heart) for other people. One can be genuine in their faith and not need to show up at a place of worship whenever the doors are open. It’s also possible for someone to be at every service and not believe. Church is merely a gateway. Real faith is internal.

 

[Four is Enough]

Being a Catholic, especially being a boomer Catholic, I'm used to multiple church services on a weekend In its heyday, our church would offer perhaps two Saturday afternoon masses, and up to five Sunday masses..  7:15, 8:15, 9:30, 10:15, and noon. Sometimes there would be a 10:15 mass in the church and one in the school auditorium, to handle the overflow. So the thought of a teensy little church with only one Sunday service boggles my mind..

[Dana723]

I had a dream that something happened to @thoughtful and they couldn't continue doing Bro Gary's sermons.  So FJ put out a note looking for someone to cover that.  I thought to myself, "I can't do it.  I can't speak Weenese."

[smittykins]

When I began attending my current Episcopal church in 1995, there were two services:  Rite I(traditional English, which I like to call “thee/thy/thou”)at 8am, and Rite II(contemporary English)at 10:30, with Sunday School in between.  Within a year, due to declining membership, we began having one service at 9:30, using Rite II, with Sunday School following.  And we haven’t even had that in a least five years; there’s only one family with teenagers, and they’ve all been confirmed.

[AmazonGrace]

Yeah I think this is a weird flex of self-conceit... "I feel sooo guilty for allowing people to die without pushing my religion down their throats..."

Quote

Ok folks here is something we should all think about. If you that are involved in an accident where someone dies there is guilt for years to come for most. What about not telling folks about JESUS? they die without the LORD very few have guilt. Sad but true.

Bro Gary Hawkins

because EVERYONE would change their minds about religion if they just heard ME tell them to

It's not like Gary knows many people who haven't  HEARD about Jesus... it's another thing to be convinced.

[Black Aliss]

1 hour ago, Dana723 said:

I had a dream that something happened to @thoughtful and they couldn't continue doing Bro Gary's sermons.  So FJ put out a note looking for someone to cover that.  I thought to myself, "I can't do it.  I can't speak Weenese."

This can not be allowed to happen. I am hereby calling on any other FJ witches to help in casting a circle of protection around @thoughtful so that nothing bad can ever happen to her.

Edited May 23, 2021 by Black Aliss

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Black Aliss said:

This can not be allowed to happen. I am hereby calling on any other FJ witches to help in casting a circle of protection around @thoughtful so that nothing bad can ever happen to her.

Aw, thank you!

I saw this in my unread posts, and thought people were wondering what the heck happened to me - I have not been keeping up with Bro Gary for a few days, because I have been obsessively looking at adorable greyhounds online.

But I'm here!

Of course, since I usually just listen to Gary's messages, and don't look unless the audio makes me think there might be something funny to see, I could look at cute greyhounds and listen to Gary at the same time.

I'll give that a try.
 

On 5/22/2021 at 11:19 AM, postscript said:

I imagine the churches Gary speaks at are too tiny to have multiple Sunday services.

The churches to which Gary goes, and the Rods, aren't repeating the same service for overflow - Sunday school, Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday/other weekday evening are each supposed to be completely different services, and everybody in the congregation is urged to attend all of them.

I always say it strikes me as ironic - they are so proud that they don't have set liturgy or specific prayers that must be said or music that must be sung, and freedom to preach and pray whatever they want, but their services are phenomenally repetitive and unimaginative.

On 5/22/2021 at 10:59 AM, AmazonGrace said:

Going to the church  every time is not why I think some people care about Jesus and some don't. 

And I don't stalk the church during all services to see who goes in so the chances are I wouldn't even know.   

Gary's "you must be in church, live and in person" crap is one of the things that, I suspect, has melded "this is my conviction" and "I want your money" in his mind, to the point where he has himself convinced it's somehow meaningful. 

Assuming that all of the nonbelievers, Catholics, Buddhists, harlots and drunks, etc. watch to see if you go to church, if your car is in the parking lot, is a frequent theme in his messages. Sometimes he draws the conclusion that the church members will lose opportunities to save us, because we will all think something like "that church thing wasn't so much - they don't even go every time," sometimes it just stands on its own.

Sometimes it's part of the routine about being the only Bible some people will see, an ambassador for Christ, etc. It goes along with not "cussing," dressing  to cover everything but your hands and face, eschewing (pronounce that as you like!) alcohol and drugs, and other signs of being what Gary considers "Christ-like."

His list never seems to include things like being honest in business, obeying the law, being kind and genuinely helpful to others (unless, of course, it's him!), protecting the planet, or helping children make a better life for themselves here, before they go to that great catfish fry in the sky.

Funny thing, that.

And by funny, I mean disgusting.

[Black Aliss]

For those who, like me, need a bit of a palate cleanser after reading Gary's rants, I present my friend's son's original composition for Pentecost Sunday (warning: Gary would call this boogie woogie)

Spoiler

 

 

[thoughtful]

On May 18, Gary did a video for the In Times Like These Facebook page. Wherever he was being housed (for free, no doubt), there must have been better places to stand than this:

Spoiler

Unless, of course, Gary has a whole new message entitled Lay Your Soul Open to Jesus, Like a Stripped Bed, or perhaps The Comforter is Gone. Seems unlikely, but let's listen . . .

He rambles about waiting for people to sign on, and that the son of the person who scheduled him to speak tonight was just in a car accident before Gary started his video. Somehow, he actually realizes he should pray for them - for Gary, that's amazingly considerate - I wonder if Becky was off-camera, urgently doing this at him -

We get the usual blablablah about how Gary knows the people from this group, a bit of his itinerary, a plug for the tent.

Gary tells us that he has his ironing board for a pulpit. Aw, c'mon, Becky or Jacob - pull the camera back so  we can see!  Gary has joined JillRod's Church of the Ironing Board!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+2%3A12-25&version=KJV

Familiar stuff. Capernaum is pronounced "Capriana."

We get a humorous error and word emphasis in verse 14. Gary makes it sounds like people are baby-sitting money.

KJV: And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting
Bro Gary Version: And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and chargers for moneysitting

There are other errors, and he just can't help but start preaching before he is finished reading, adding some commentary to verse 22.

Gary's off on his rant about how, today, "they're tryin'a make the church entertainable," with contemporary music and "junk." In the middle of a yell (yes, he's already yelling), we get a quieter "D'you know where a handkerchief is babydoll?"

Gary has the sniffles, and sniffs throughout the message.

Gary tells us this is his Why Church Isn't Fun Any Longer message. Gary, aren't you sick and tired of this one yet?

He yells some more, then asks Jacob to get him a bottle of water. After more yelling, he asks "Am ah makin' sense tonaht?" Who are you asking, Gary?

Actually, I was very impressed that he didn't automatically end his post-reading prayer with "you may be seated."

I really would love it if someone started pounding on the wall telling him to shut up, or the manager came to find out if someone was being killed in that room.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+2%3A1-4&version=KJV

If church isn't fun, you've lost your love for God/church/the pastor.

He shrieks about agreeing with your pastor on doctrines. "Listen, hey, the doctrines of the Bahble, the doctrines of salvation, the doctrines of grace, and ohn and ohn we could go with all the different doctrines, as long as yer gittin' yer doctrines 'n' you got yer doctrines raht, pooeey on the resta that junk whatever you think your pet pea is get over it 'n' grow up and go on 'bout life!"

Spoiler

Y'know, I have a bird, and I'm hoping to adopt a dog again soon. I have to admit I've never considered having a pet pea. Are they any fun?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+5%3A18-21&version=KJV

Excess is "excees," as usual, and, also as usual, Gary's on about the old songs and yells some lyrics from Amazing Grace. Only, this time, we get a great, unintentionally accurate error: "Ah once was lohst but now ah'm sound."

Yes, Gary, you are - but not the adjective, the noun - you are just a bunch of noise.

With a one-two smack at the air, Gary screams: "Ah don' wanna listen to the honky-tonks."

Spoiler

 

Wiping his nose (sometimes with the hanky, sometimes not) throughout, Gary shrieks: "What about Matthew 6:33? But seek ye first the kingdom of God - ananan listen hey it's made into a song" (sings) "Seek ye first" (back to screaming) "What's wrohng w'sohngs lahk that? Ah ain't talk - listen, hey ah'm tellin' you raht now when ah think about s-music, ah even the southern gospel music o' the day ah remember mah daddy usedta tell the people whenever 'cause he's gotta coupla radio stations and he'd tell the people that uh when 'ey asked him about his music 'n' he would say 'the llllahhht southern gospel' ya say wha? 'Cause today's southern gospel is no more than country music got the beat 'n' the bump 'n' the bam" (he demonstrates each of the three):
 

Spoiler

"Lemme jus' let you know somethin' - you don't  - listen, music that makes you - makes the flesh move around an' does certain things ah understand you kin pat yer foot 'n' maybe clap yer hands, but ah'm talkin' about gitchu up there t'dancin' that is music that is straight  out of the pit of Hell amen!"

Just in case we didn't get it, he goes for more, demonstrating how "this boogie-woogie stuff don't work," with some hip-swiveling moves, like a mainland tourist taking beginner hula lessons in Hawaii:

Spoiler

 

While extolling the virtues of the old songs, he burbles: "Ahwanna say somethin' to ya, ah do not put any inspiration whatsoever on those songs, butchu know what? God wrote - God put it on those hearts. What's that Cosb - Crosby lady's name?"
Jacob: "Fanny Crosby."
Gary: "Fanny Crosby. She wrote - ah don' know how many songs she wrote, ah don' know  what all the names of songs she wrote, but she was a blahnd lady. And she wrote them songs that's in them hymns."

He goes back to mocking other styles of music, briefly pretending to be a rapper, saying "blehhhhbuh" and doing this:

Spoiler

He tells us rap is "the stupidest, dumbest, sorriest stuff ah've ever heard in mah lahf. Don't make no sense, ya see the trucks, listen hey - ah see the cars blunkin' up, rahdin' around, ___________ (incoherent noises) junk! Haymen!"

He accompanies this with still more arm waving and bobbing up and down.

Spoiler

For some reason, Gary's rap moves are all limp and flowing arms, with forward and backward moves of the hips, unlike his punches, slaps, and side-to-side or circular hip moves for other styles.

For a guy who doesn't want his flesh inspired, he seems to be getting some wild  ideas just thinking about all of these styles of music that he hates so much.

Finally, with the conclusion that nobody may be watching because he's made them mad, Gary says "Lemme move ohn."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+2%3A4-5&version=KJV

We get the usual shrieking about bad, sugar-coated preaching, with an added flourish of nonsense. He keeps saying that people should preach "what thus sayeth the word of God."

He rants against the idea of a sinners prayer for a while, and tells us about his salvation. I think the air is being let out of him, he hisses so long at the end of "the old rugged crosssssssss."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=proverbs+29%3A18&version=KJV

If you're not having fun in church, you have no vision.

As he finishes screaming one sentence (about people going to "Helllll!"), we hear Becky gasp. She tells him about someone who was in a wreck (they both also posted about them later). She tells him he has to stop preaching and pray for them right now.

He does so. So, that's somewhat better than if he wouldn't do it, or if they had a relationship in which she wouldn't dare do that. But, to me, his prayer has some of that obnoxious "my prayers are so strong that I know God will do what I want" quality.

And, after a minute, he is back to his message, screaming about a vision. He ties it in to the man who was in the wreck, saying he has vision when he preaches.

A master of caring and the smooth segue, our Gary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=revelation+2%3A12-15&version=KJV

KJV:  I know thy works, and where thou dwellest, even where Satan's seat is:
BGV:  I know thah works, and where thou duwelleth, even where Satan sitteth  - seat is 'at's a sad day that the Lord - the devil's got a seat in the churchhhhh.

And, once again, the "Nicoladians" have the things Gary hates.

This is the "you've lost your stand" part of the message.

Gary starts in on the people at the beach with no clothes on, and how he hates this time of year. "Ah was at the grocery store a little bit ago, you know what, there was a girl in 'ere didn't have enough clothes on t'cover up a ant!"

He is fierce saying "ant."

Spoiler

"Sick'nin' in the guy - eyes o' God. Ah didn't ask her, but ah bet if ah asked her if she was saved, she'da prob'ly said 'yeah.' Saved people look just wicked as Hell."

And he derides their looking, acting, dressing, smelling, etc, like "the World," with more arm waving.

He assures us we'll never see him in anything other than pants all they way down to his ankles. Oh, also  long-sleeved shirts, but that's because he has a problem with his skin. But he doesn't think he's better than you because he does that.

Thanks, Gary.

He tells us that he "just" took his wife to the beach "not too long ago," then says it was about a "month, month and a half." He assures us they went fully clothed.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+16%3A13-16&version=KJV

"You ain't havin' fun" in church because you forgot who God is.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=jude+21-22&version=KJV

"You ain't havin' fun"  because you're not making a difference.

"What ah do is for slost souls."

Before almost every segment of the message, as he often does, Gary has commented that he's running out of time, he'd better hurry up, he won't be able to finish but "that's alraht," fumbling through his Bible, wasting lots of time, of course.

Now he says he won't get to the end, but it's OK because he sort of covered what he wanted to say already, and he tells (with the usual crap about how Gary isn't important, doesn't want to be a movie star, etc.) the story of the guy who watched his video about helping in churches in the US, and it inspired him to go to Mexico.

And he wants "It was real" on his tombstone.

He does remember to pray for the people who were in both auto accidents before he gives a cheerful, if snotty, goodbye.

 

Edited January 10, 2022 by thoughtful

[MayMay1123]

I swear  it looks like there's a flying dinosaur on Gary's tie ? Thank you, @thoughtful for your wonderful commentary and especially for including the hilarious still shots! 

[postscript]

2 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

I swear  it looks like there's a flying dinosaur on Gary's tie ? Thank you, @thoughtful for your wonderful commentary and especially for including the hilarious still shots! 

I actually enlarged the photos, trying to figure out what his tie is meant to depict, with no luck. He has an interesting collection of Jesus-themed ties. I wonder if he receives them as gifts. 

He was really on a roll with that message. Not just the dance moves (what incredible stills!), but more Garyisms - “blunkin’ up,” “moneysitting,” “slost souls,” “pet pea,” “entertainable.” For all his rants about the church becoming entertainment, his own sermons are sheer performance art. 

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

I swear  it looks like there's a flying dinosaur on Gary's tie

 

18 minutes ago, postscript said:

I actually enlarged the photos, trying to figure out what his tie is meant to depict, with no luck

Believe it or not, it's the three crosses of the crucifixion - the one for Jesus larger, and draped. You can see it better in this picture:

[thoughtful]

On May 19, Gary was at Grace Baptist Church in Newark OH. The northeasterner in me wants to know if they pronounce it New-ark like the Delawarians, or "Nu-urk" like the New Jerseyans.

I skip the Hawkinses' singing, but notice that Becky does end with Preach On, while Gary fidgets with a water bottle.

Spoiler

I swear I typed the above before listening any further. I never find out the Ohio pronunciation of Newark, because Gary get up and says he's happy to be in Halls Tennessee, and how glad he is he can pronounce that, unlike some of the names on the Indian reservations, and gets happy "amens."

Yes, he or Becky listed the wrong church on Facebook.

OK, let me start again - Gary is at Grace Bible  Baptist Church in Halls TN. He babbles about his burden for America, his tent, and his itinerary.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+19%3A16-26&version=KJV

With lots of errors and non-KJV changes, of course.

There's a guy in this congregation whose amen is very loud, is sometimes yelled seemingly at random, and has a kind of wind-up. He sounds like a sports announcer from the 1940s, when he doesn't just sound like a cow. It's sometimes "Yeahhhaaaaymin," sometimes "Yeahhhhmuh!"

Gary goes into some familiar crap, then talks about the recipe for revival. "Mah wahf gits ohn this thing called Pinterist 'n' she'll come up with some kinda food that ah've never heard of or whatever 'n' most tahms it's pretty good when she gits done with it, it looks a little bit rough, amen. But the recipe for revahval - the Bahble's full of it."

He finally gets to his title - God Can.

God Can, regardless of what is happening in the White House, and we get several minutes of gas price complaints, and Gary explaining about his trailer and tent, how "they" are trying to close churches, but, "He done it with Obama, He can do it with what we got in the White House now."

He quotes Kenneth McFadden, the man whose wife just died in an auto accident, as saying "With the things that's goin' ohn, ah'm a chicken, let me outta here, amen! _____________ (drowned out somewhat by Yeahaymen Guy, but I think it was "too bad") "his wife got to go, and he didn't go with her amen."

Gary claims he "don't wanna be a martyr." No, Gary, you just want to claim you'd die in the electric chair for God. And, yes, he gets to that within a few minutes.

The story of Gary's bravery in New Mexico continues to grow. "It's been bad in different places, but ahwanna tell ya somethin', them Indians are very Democratic."

Spoiler

"Ah was a white man, that was not s'posed to be on the Indian reservation, and ah was there. Ya say wha? 'Cause God tol' me t'go there. Ah didn't trah t'break the law, ah just went to preach the gospel, amen? And ah had the honor and privilege to preach to the president of the Navajo Nations. He showed up at church - hey - we're not supposed to be havin' church, ah'm a white man, ah'm not supposed to be on the Indian reservation, an' ah let him know real quick-like, ah stay in trouble with the white man, ah maht as well git in trouble with the Indians too amen!"

Gary takes a breath, and, for once, the Yeahaymen Guy times it right.

"You know what ah did? Ah preached the truth to that guy. Now he claimed to be saved, and hey - if he's saved, if he dies, he'll get to go to Heaven but ah told him, ah said 'Now listen here' and ah told the whole church ah said 'Y'know we've got this pandemic,' 'n' listen, ah have never, one tahm, made lighta this vahris - it is a vahris."

Gary, lying makes the baby Jesus cry.

"But it's nowhere near as bad as the newsmedia's put it out. Amen?" And he goes on about how he hates it, he's lost friends to it, but it's just because the Lord said it's appointed to men once to die.

He seems to have lost the thread of his Nez-busting boast, and is back to bragging about doorknocking in the Northeast.

"One of the Democratical states, one of the roughest states there is, is New York, amen would ever'body agree to that?"

Gary says God made sure he got to New York the day before they stopped letting in people from North Carolina. Why do I not remember it that way?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=exodus+14%3A23-28&version=KJV

KJV:  and all the host of Pharaoh that came into the sea after them; there remained not so much as one of them.
BGV:  and all the host of Fay-roh came into the sea after them that remained snot so much as one of them.

Gary loudly tries to create the atmosphere of excitement and fear of the escape from Egypt. "You could imagine - " Yeahaymen Guy lets one fly so loudly that it stops Gary, but he resumes. "You could imagine just thinkin' tryin' put yerself where they was at, 'n' here they are, they got their families. they got horses, they got their stuff, 'n' they're trahin' their best t'git ouf of Egypt, 'n' ohn every sahd there's no way t'get out there's things in front of 'em, there's things 'longsahd of them, th'Gyptians are behahnd 'em comin' after 'em, and they didn't have no ideer all ah kin tell you is they kep' their eyes goin', the Lord opened up, there was dry sea amen!"

Dry sea, eh?

Gary tells one of his stories about God helping him when a vehicle broke down. They all seem impressed that a church he'd recently left was willing to help, and that a "wrecker" attended that church.

Someone who works with cars and has a tow truck attends a white Baptist church in the southern US? Who'da thunk it? Had to be a miracle from God.

"If you're gonna be in the ministry and you're gonna serve God,  you're gonna sell out to God, you're gonna have enemies. But God told David, He said 'Listen, hey - ahh, mah - ah'll take keer of  th'enemies, th'enemies are - Ah'm the footstool of the enemies,' amen? Am ah makin' sense tonaht?"

And the moooed answer comes back: "Yeahhhaymen! Doin' good!"

I beg to disagree. Psalm 110:1, KJV: The Lord said unto my Lord, Sit thou at my right hand, until I make thine enemies thy footstool.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew+9%3A20-22&version=KJV

"You know what, God can still raise the sick - or, heal the sick, today."

And he's back to the McFaddens again. They'd been in an another accident earlier, and she'd been having problems with her back. "Y'know what? God didn't heal her on this sahd, but He healed her on the other sahd."

Gary talks about Becky's migraine headaches, and how she can't do anything, and stays in bed for days, and he has to help her to the bathroom. He also claims he suffers as much as she does. I hope that's just a clumsy way of saying it's because he loves her, but I don't know how well Jacob cleans, cooks and irons, so . . .

But, despite not healing Mrs. McFadden's back or Becky's head, God can heal any ailment you got.

And we hear the story of the flat tires and bent axle on the trailer again.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+5%3A15&version=KJV

Legion becomes "legend" again.

"Anybody that hangs around the graveyard's a lunatic.  Amen. We'll go to the gravesite, we'll put Mrs. McFadden in the gravesite, and we'll get outta there, amen. Now, unless the Lord comes and everybody raises 'n' ah  drop dead an' ah git to go with the church first. Amen."

Habit can be a problem. Gary is trying to say how long he's been saved, and it comes out "If the Lord was to tarry his coming, and ah make it 'til JOOlah the 11 of 1999, ahmanna tell ya how long mah salvation's made it - 22 years!"

Oops.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=mark+6%3A41-42&version=KJV

Gary screams a lot of stuff you've all heard. The cow announcer guy is getting louder, I think.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+8%3A22-24&version=KJV

God can still calm the storm.

Gary has a family member who will not go to church because he blames God for his mother dying. He tell them it's his niece's husband. And, within two sentences, he's back on the White House, good and bad governors, how happy he is to be "goin' in places with no masks."

He does his stupid thing about the USA being in the Bible, because the three letters are in the middle of the word Jerusalem - haven't heard that one in a while.

"And God did let C'lumbus - C'lumbus is the one that done it, raht? God did let C'lumbus - ah trahd to figure it out from which ah told mah wahf today ______ (gibberish - something about "three days"). But He did let C'lumbus - git America on founded. And know we was founded on a Christian nation. And it's bein' taken away from us."

After some random babbling, he's back on politics. "He is not mah president. You say wha? You cain't call a loser a winner. Haymen!"

But Gary's not concerned about the White House - he's concerned about the church house.

And he gets quieter and quieter, as he talks about nothing.

Yeahhhhhno.

 

[thoughtful]

Gary's commenters under the legalism post:

Spoiler

I think the face on the lower right of that drawing is supposed to be Gary.

Gary argues for well-dressed bananas:

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Gary is disgusted by little Lego people:

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On the 21st, Gary posted a video of the lake by which they are staying. Becky had to tell him the name of it, Reelfoot Lake, twice, then he just kept repeating it.

[Ozlsn]

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary tells one of his stories about God helping him when a vehicle broke down. They all seem impressed that a church he'd recently left was willing to help, and that a "wrecker" attended that church.

Someone who works with cars and has a tow truck attends a white Baptist church in the southern US? Who'da thunk it? Had to be a miracle from God.

I was thinking it was more a miracle that a church he'd recently left was willing to help, then realised it would help him leave faster, so...

3 hours ago, thoughtful said:

they kep' their eyes goin', the Lord opened up, there was dry sea amen!"

Dry sea, eh?

 Dehydrated water, obviously!

 

10 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He accompanies this with still more arm waving and bobbing up and down.

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I looked at this and for some reason "incey wincey spider" popped into my head.   

[Four is Enough]

21 hours ago, Dana723 said:

I had a dream that something happened to @thoughtful and they couldn't continue doing Bro Gary's sermons.  So FJ put out a note looking for someone to cover that.  I thought to myself, "I can't do it.  I can't speak Weenese."

Weenese is the most difficult language to parse or to translate.

16 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

For those who, like me, need a bit of a palate cleanser after reading Gary's rants, I present my friend's son's original composition for Pentecost Sunday (warning: Gary would call this boogie woogie)

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Boogie Woogie it ain't, but I like it!

[AmazonGrace]

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 there's things in front of 'em, there's things 'longsahd of them

there's always something in front of us, behind us, alongside us... it's so hard to find a good void these days.

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"You know what, God can still raise the sick - or, heal the sick, today."

He can't raise the dead anymore because it's unsanitary.

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Gary argues for well-dressed bananas:

When bananas get naked they get eaten. Dressing up saves banana lives.

[thoughtful]

Becky has a new profile pic, and Elizabeth thinks she's very brave, because Facebook hates God:

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Becky sounds a bit desperate, and even upset with God, here:

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Gary posted about The World and our checklist of who went to church and who didn't (mine is on Excel - pretty easy to use while peeking through the curtains or lurking in a car across the street from the church - what do the rest of you use?):

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[Alisamer]

I think Gary has spent so much time in church with old busybodies gossiping about who skipped services that he doesn't realize the community outside the church doesn't give a flying rat's ass whether you went to church yesterday or not. Unless you're bragging about how you always go and are on their ass about not going, then you've given them a reason to glance at the parking lot if they happen to pass by during a service. 

I don't go to church often. I haven't been in over a year due to Covid, and when I do go it's usually because I'm playing handbells or something like that. And I can tell you, nothing makes me want to skip church more than the sugary sweet "Oh, it's so good to see you again! We haven't seen you in forever, have we?" 

And we don't have a "if the doors are open you must be there" culture. We don't even have Sunday evening services, and Wednesdays there is a casual bible study but most people are there for rehearsals of various kinds!

I think Gary and his ilk have painted themselves into a corner. They claim to want to bring as many people to Jesus as possible, but then make Christianity seem like hell on earth and a huge burden, and preach primarily about the rules and punishments rather than what Jesus actually taught. 

I've always hoped heaven would be individually personalized, and everyone would have their own happiness there. I hope I'm right, for the children of these people. It would suck to live a life fearing that you'll mess up and piss off God and therefore following every tiny little rule, only to find out heaven is mostly more of the same. 

[thoughtful]

On 5/22, Gary posted about what a saved person should be doing, and got some pushback. Gary, of course, fought his case articulately (I kid, I kid). Bryan, how dare you imply that Gary is saying one can be saved by works!

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Y'know, with a normal person, I'd think they were nuts to be making a video while driving, after just learning that someone they knew died in a wreck. But, since Gary seems to be envious of Mrs. McFadden's having gone on to glory, it makes perfect sense.

If only Jacob and Rascal weren't also in the car.

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Our first shot is of the hat on the dash - gotta have the view blocked, on a fast two-lane, with a large truck coming at you, for a real challenge:

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But then Gary flips the view around, so we can see him as he screams loudly over the equally loud music  - I Was There When it Happened, Boundless Love. When I Get Carried Away * (he plays this one twice): 

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Besides screaming, he sings along, whistles,  whoops, does that fake "I'm so happy in the Lord it makes me laugh" heheheheh. No new content - a lot of "Ah like it ah like it ah like it" and "what a God ah serve!"

At one point, there is a squealing sound - I think it's Rascal:

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We hear a tiny bark after that, and both Gary and, more important, Jacob, stop looking concerned, so I have hopes that Rascal is OK. I wish they'd secure that dog in the car, for everyone's safety.

* This song has, um . . . clever? . . . lyrics about how wonderful it will be to die and go to Heaven, including "I'm gonna get carried away when I get carried away." Singing along, Gary changes that to "when Becky gets carried away."

Joking about your wife dying - what a laugh riot you are, Gary. ?

ETA - and then he posted this:

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What a sick, twisted mind he has.

Edited January 10, 2022 by thoughtful