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Bro Gary Hawkins 17: Naschitti


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FiveAcres

When Gary's particle board trailer goes on to its reward, he should check out used stock trailers. Stock trailers are tough, and for his purpose, it wouldn't matter if the deck of the trailer is a little dodgy. Of course, his van couldn't PULL a stock trailer, but perhaps his god will also provide a better tow vehicle.  

My stock trailer was awesome. My trainer and I used to joke that there was no horse that wouldn't cheerfully climb into to it. Then I got my mare. She hated it. 

Edited by FiveAcres
grammar: apostrophes are evil
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Gary was live on Facebook: Oh, sorry - guess I should wait until he sets up the camera (as I hum the final Jeopardy theme song . . . ) Gary is not satisfied with the "sitting in a hole"

Sunday SUNDAY SUNDAY!  This Sunday only on Pay-Per-View - it's Anderson vs. Hawkins!  Watch as two blowhards try to convince the other that they are the most righteous Christian there is!  Listen to t

OK, folks, Gary has had a crisis. The heat of the desert (and the lack of trees) has combined with reading Revelation, needing non-saved people to repair his vehicles, and nightmares about driving wit

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Black Aliss
8 hours ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

Yeah, I think Gary is 100% against any and all secular education period, ever.

FTFY

So, here's a question for @thoughtful and any other Hawkinologists: Is Jacob Gary and Becky's kid or is he the youngest of Gary's kids from a previous marriage? I know Caleb and the daughter (who must have a name but I don't recall Gary ever mentioning it) are from the previous marriage. I just find myself wondering why, if Jacob had an alternative to being a full-time transient, he wouldn't have jumped on it. Although I definitely cannot see Gary paying child support, so perhaps he doesn't have an alternative after all.

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Black Aliss
5 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

I get that humour is cultural but this is just weird to me. It's not amusing insults, or mock insulting going both ways..  it's pretty much just the pastor insulting people , and because it's being done by a perceived authority figure it's also bullying. 

I'm gonna' guess he was a huge fan of Don Rickles. For the very young and/or the non-US, Rickles was the undisputed king of insult humor or, as the New York Times wrote as his obituary, an "equal opportunity offender". His entire schtick was making fun of people’s clothing, their weight, their spouses' perceived unattractiveness, their race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, anything else he could think of. He wasn't funny; he was just plain mean, but people loved it.

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I really hope he manages to do that. Study a trade, study for fun, find a stable career path he loves. Watch his father's head explode. 

Unless Becky is one heck of a homeschooler, I suspect J would need more remedial classwork than all the Rodsprogs combined.

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

While telling us about the pornography that "jumps up" on his phone ("ah sometimes don't have to hit no button, and things pop up"),

Riiiiight, Gary. It just pops up out of nowhere. Nothing to do with your browsing history (or Jacob's).

Edited by Black Aliss
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Black Aliss
4 hours ago, Xan said:

All the world offers is puking your guts out after drinking?  I must be doing life wrong.

You and me both. I mean, after a day of gardening and a bit of retail therapy, I did have a 4 oz. pour of wine with my dinner tonight, but I don't expect to be puking my guts out. Gary reminds me of my mother, who could not comprehend the notion of social drinking. People only drank to get drunk and that was that. She also maintained until the very end that "skiing" was shorthand for putting on a Scandinavian-knit sweater and stretch pants and spending the day boozing it up in a "ski lodge". She knew this because she had seen pictures!  The pictures were liquor ads in magazines, but y'know. It bothered her no end that one of my siblings and I were avid "skiers".

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Becky got a comment from the minister's wife on her page.  I looked at the wife's page and she made a couple of posts about how she needed prayers.  It's something about them being in a "huge jam" and really needing God's help. 

If I were a betting woman I'd bet on "IRS Audit"

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thoughtful
2 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

So, here's a question for @thoughtful and any other Hawkinologists: Is Jacob Gary and Becky's kid or is he the youngest of Gary's kids from a previous marriage

 Jacob is Gary's youngest child from his marriage to Stephanie.

Here is a quote from the 2010 obituary of Stephanie's father:

Quote

He is survived by his daughter, Stephanie (Gribble) Hawkins; and three grandchildren, Michaela Hawkins, William "Caleb" Hawkins, and Jacob Hawkins.

Becky and Gary have not had any biological children together. Becky had four children with her first husband.

Edited by thoughtful
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Black Aliss
21 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Becky and Gary have not had any biological children together.

Thank god for small favors.

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MayMay1123

I still have no idea hth  BroHawk got custody of those kids. Notice all of them fled as soon as they were able.

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Black Aliss
8 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

I still have no idea hth  BroHawk got custody of those kids. Notice all of them fled as soon as they were able.

Probably by not paying child support. His ex might not have been able to afford to keep them.

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Dana723
On 4/19/2021 at 7:00 PM, thoughtful said:

Becky and Jacob left Gary on the side of the road, with the trailer, while they went to get tires.

Should have left him there...run, Becky and Jacob, run!

On 4/19/2021 at 7:00 PM, thoughtful said:

Gary talks about how hard it is to get the tent up. He left out a section that makes it larger this time, because, if he puts up the full size - "ah need more help to git it up."

 

On 4/19/2021 at 7:00 PM, thoughtful said:

While telling us about the pornography that "jumps up" on his phone ("ah sometimes don't have to hit no button, and things pop up"), which makes him take the phone immediately to Becky to deal with it,

Okay, there's a way to connect those two with a joke but I haven't figured it out yet...

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Jasmar

If you’re having trouble with your tent and google “how to get it up,” you’ve got no one to blame but yourself.

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thoughtful
9 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

I still have no idea hth  BroHawk got custody of those kids. Notice all of them fled as soon as they were able.

Well, they are not traveling with him, and I hope they are drifting away from his influence. But both of them have come to services where Gary is preaching, and sung with the family, especially Caleb. I think Caleb still goes to the services his grandfather Danny leads, and Michaela may, as well.

Gary complains about Caleb's girlfriend and Micaela's husband, but they may all still be very fundamental in their beliefs.

 

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thoughtful

I had about half of a recap of the Sunday evening service done, including some amazing word coleslaw from Gary, and lost it somehow (of course, the one time I didn't copy to clipboard as I went along). I will try again tomorrow, because it really was some amazing gobbledeegook.

But I will say that he clarified something he'd said, in a previous message, about stopping off for two days in Georgia for some sort of an event. I don't know if it was between Texas and South Carolina, but it was recent. It's always hard to figure anything out from Gary, if it isn't posted on Facebook.

In Sunday evening's message, he made it clear that it was with David Hyles as the speaker. So I guess he was at the refuge for fallen preachers, giving Hyles his money this time, rather than taking care of sheep, dogs and a donkey, and watching Jacob mow the lawn.

The wife of the pastor at the church they are presently infecting took in some of Becky's clothes for her.

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Some interesting comments. Becky, like so many people, seems unwilling to say publicly that she started this process with surgery. Becky, if you were concerned about being judged for that, you should have told your husband to shut up about it.

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Flossie

Becky might not want to admit to weight loss surgery because some people consider it to be something lazy people do as an 'easy fix'.  

Spoiler

That's not true, the dietary restrictions after the surgery and the need for taking vitamins afterwords is not easy.  Look up dumping syndrome online.  Look up what happens if the patient doesn't take the right vitamins, in the right form, on a daily schedule can cause other health issues.  It's not easy.

She might also not want people to ask how she was able to afford this expensive surgery when she's traveling around with an itinerant preacher who is proudly telling everyone he's living off the goodwill of fellow Christians and begging for someone else to fix his latest ride or give him a new one.

And speaking of the itinerant preacher, who loves to bemoan on the lack or pastures who want to be paid for their job.  I'd love it if he preached at a church that was between 'pastures' and a man (it has to be a man, Gary's God don't talk through women) in the congregation stood up and asked him to stay on.  "Bro Gary, please stay here and be out new pasture!  I prayed about it and God told me you were the one!"  Gary sputters about, not knowing what to say.  Other men stand up and ask Gary to stay on.  The women look to their men and then nod approvingly.

How would Gary get out of that?

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Xan
1 hour ago, Flossie said:

And speaking of the itinerant preacher, who loves to bemoan on the lack or pastures who want to be paid for their job.  I'd love it if he preached at a church that was between 'pastures' and a man (it has to be a man, Gary's God don't talk through women) in the congregation stood up and asked him to stay on.  "Bro Gary, please stay here and be out new pasture!  I prayed about it and God told me you were the one!"  Gary sputters about, not knowing what to say.  Other men stand up and ask Gary to stay on.  The women look to their men and then nod approvingly.

How would Gary get out of that?

Gary would just say no.  He thinks that God has told him to be on the road as a traveling evangelist.  I think Gary is pretty much immune to worrying about other people's opinions.  He'd just shout them down, tell them thank you, and move along.  Besides -- right now, he's got a pretty sweet deal.  He drives around the country and other people feed him and put a roof over his head.  He isn't responsible for visiting the sick and he doesn't even have to plan his sermons.  He just gets up and says whatever pops into his empty head.  Anything else that would be offered would be too much like work.

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Alisamer
13 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Some interesting comments. Becky, like so many people, seems unwilling to say publicly that she started this process with surgery. Becky, if you were concerned about being judged for that, you should have told your husband to shut up about it.

Yeah my boss seems to have COMPLETELY forgotten the gastric bypass he had. "What's your secret?" "Diet and exercise!" 

Plus surgery, dude. If I could afford that surgery I'd get it, too. 

Exercise and diet are great, but surgery is a big help that lots of people just don't have financial access to.

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thoughtful
On 4/21/2021 at 11:53 AM, Flossie said:

Becky might not want to admit to weight loss surgery because some people consider it to be something lazy people do as an 'easy fix'.  

That's what I was thinking (ETA - not that it was lazy, but that she was afraid of that kind of unfair judgment from others!).

On 4/21/2021 at 11:53 AM, Flossie said:

She might also not want people to ask how she was able to afford this expensive surgery when she's traveling around with an itinerant preacher who is proudly telling everyone he's living off the goodwill of fellow Christians and begging for someone else to fix his latest ride or give him a new one.

This I hadn't thought of. Could be. I think one of the unknowns about Becky is whether she is as oblivious as Gary seems to be to the possibility that people might lose patience with constantly bailing them out, or is more savvy about not offending the hands that feed them.

Gary says the words that would make him seem humble, but boy, does his tone of voice belie it!

On 4/21/2021 at 11:53 AM, Flossie said:

I'd love it if he preached at a church that was between 'pastures' and a man (it has to be a man, Gary's God don't talk through women) in the congregation stood up and asked him to stay on.  "Bro Gary, please stay here and be out new pasture!  I prayed about it and God told me you were the one!"

I love the idea of a dueling "God told me" argument! I'm picturing the church suddenly morphing into a boxing ring, with Gary in one corner, and a parishioner in the other.

An angel, his wings sticking out through the back of his white shirt (worn with black slacks and bow tie), grabs the hanging microphone in the center of the ring (recently cleaned off after its descent into Hell), and yells "Let's get ready to humbllle! In this cornahh, wearing beige ankle-length trunks with lumpy stuff in the pockets, a long-sleeved navy blue shirt, a tie with bibles on it, and cowboy boots, we have Gary 'Road Warrior' Hawkins, weighing in at 200, or possibly 210 or 220, pounds."

"In this cornahhh, wearing a blue suit and a tie with an American flag on it, weighing in at 200 pounds, we have John 'I'm Onto You, Grifter' Smith."

"Gentlemen, let's have a clean fight - no preaching below the grifted hand-tooled belt, no doctrinal head-butts, and protect yourself at all times, just like Jesus would."

But, I'm with @Xan - Gary would just keep insisting that he is in God's perfect will, being on the road. He'd probably tell them "Ah unnerstand you think God toldju ah should be yer pasture - you have the raht to be wrong, amen."

Edited by thoughtful
riffle, clarity
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Xan
19 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

An angel, his wings sticking out through the back of his white shirt (worn with black slacks and bow tie), grabs the hanging microphone in the center of the ring (recently cleaned off after its descent into Hell), and yells "Let's get ready to humbllle! In this cornahh, wearing beige ankle-length trunks with lumpy stuff in the pockets, a long-sleeved navy blue shirt, a tie with bibles on it, and cowboy boots, we have Gary 'Road Warrior' Hawkins, weighing in at 200, or possibly 210 or 220, pounds."

"In this cornahhh, wearing a blue suit and a tie with an American flag on it, weighing in at 200 pounds, we have John 'I'm Onto You, Grifter' Smith."

"Gentlemen, let's have a clean fight - no preaching below the grifted hand-tooled belt, no doctrinal head-butts, and protect yourself at all times, just like Jesus would."

Darn it.  Now I really want to see this particular fight.  I doubt if any punches would land but there would be plenteous dueling Bible verses and lots of wiping of faces with handkerchiefs.

Also -- over on Gary's Facebook page, Jethere has posted one of his new songs.  It's just so bad that it beggars description.

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postscript
20 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

That's what I was thinking.

This I hadn't thought of. Could be. I think one of the unknowns about Becky is whether she is as oblivious as Gary seems to be to the possibility that people might lose patience with constantly bailing them out, or is more savvy about not offending the hands that feed them.

Gary says the words that would make him seem humble, but boy, does his tone of voice belie it!

I love the idea of a dueling "God told me" argument! I'm picturing the church suddenly morphing into a boxing ring, with Gary in one corner, and a parishioner in the other.

An angel, his wings sticking out through the back of his white shirt (worn with black slacks and bow tie), grabs the hanging microphone in the center of the ring (recently cleaned off after its descent into Hell), and yells "Let's get ready to humbllle! In this cornahh, wearing beige ankle-length trunks with lumpy stuff in the pockets, a long-sleeved navy blue shirt, a tie with bibles on it, and cowboy boots, we have Gary 'Road Warrior' Hawkins, weighing in at 200, or possibly 210 or 220, pounds."

"In this cornahhh, wearing a blue suit and a tie with an American flag on it, weighing in at 200 pounds, we have John 'I'm Onto You, Grifter' Smith."

"Gentlemen, let's have a clean fight - no preaching below the grifted hand-tooled belt, no doctrinal head-butts, and protect yourself at all times, just like Jesus would."

But, I'm with @Xan - Gary would just keep insisting that he is in God's perfect will, being on the road. He'd probably tell them "Ah unnerstand you think God toldju ah should be yer pasture - you have the raht to be wrong, amen."

I can hear Howard Cosell calling this fight. I’d spring for pay-per-view for that one. 

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thoughtful

Yesterday, Gary posted a video to get his brownie points for taking Becky to the ocean, and be pissy about the nekkid people he sees there.

I look at the video and think all kinds of things. It is almost indescribably beautiful - the cloud formations are amazing. My Mom and I used to ask one another "Who painted the sky today?" Neither of us are any sort of art scholar, but some days just remind you so much of certain painting styles (I joke that, if the other person answered El Greco, that meant, "Holy Toledo - get in the house!). I'd say N. C. Wyeth, for the sky in Gary's video.

I think that, unlike in past beach videos, Becky looks comfortable in her body and clothes as she walks along and bends to pick up shells. She is clearly happy to be getting her sand therapy. Her outfit is a wonderful match to the natural colors and patterns around her.

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Jacob and Rascal seem calm and relaxed. I'm glad to see them getting fresh air, not in a church, van or tent. I'm happy someone (Becky and Jacob, I assume), are respectful of laws and/or care enough about Rascal's safety to always have him on a leash when they go to the beach.

Jacob, like Becky, seems to like looking for shells. I'm so glad to see him getting to do what he feels like doing, if only for a few minutes, away from his parents' voices and expectations, not being a slave to their nonsense. It's a dream, I know, but I hope that something in the natural world around him is awakening a curiosity that goes beyond "God did it."

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Gary doesn't notice any of this. Or, at least, I don't think he does, based on what he says.

Other than a teasing "Rascal, you on Facebook!" Gary doesn't say or do anything fond, funny, or profound to or about his family. He says nothing about the beauty around them.

Besides scorning people who don't know enough to stay dressed, he says idiotic things like "There it is - the ocean" and selfish things like "Mebbe one these days we'll go to the mountains agin."

After one of his many announcements that they are at the ocean, he says "look at us, we've got our clothes on." He turns the camera around to make sure we know (look at those gorgeous clouds!):

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Then goes on for a while about how they keep their clothes on. "Mah nekkidness is not for the world. Ah got on mah pants, and mah long-sleeved shirt, praise God. Yeah. People don't wanna hear the truth any more, ah unnerstand, but that's just the way it is."

We get it Gary.

Clothes.

On.

Look around you, dolt.

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postscript

More in the ongoing saga of Gary and the Nekkid People! Trust me, Gary, nobody wants to see you nekkid. 

Good to see Becky getting her sand therapy. If only Gary wasn’t always such a sanctimonious ass about it. She’s your wife, jackass. She facilitates your lifestyle. The least you can do is take her to the beach for an hour. You don’t have to act like God is giving you extra bonus points. 

Rascal is a cute dog. I hope Becky and Jacob spoil him, because I suspect Gary doesn’t. 

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thoughtful
6 minutes ago, postscript said:

Rascal is a cute dog. I hope Becky and Jacob spoil him, because I suspect Gary doesn’t

One of the dependable but very upsetting things about Gary (and Jill and Lori, etc.), is that you need not just suspect. We have all kinds of evidence. Gary has been heard mocking the idea of keeping a pet at all, and claiming the dog's death wouldn't even make them late for church - he said he'd just throw the body in a ditch.

He's been seen shoving Rascal away, and picking him up by the scruff and tossing him away on a couch. He's generally pretty unpleasant to him, on video, and usually refers to him as Becky's dog.

We've seen Becky and Jacob treat Rascal with affection, in small bits - It's always hard to get a look at anything other than Gary in the non-church videos.  Rascal never looks matted or dirty, I imagine Becky trims his fur and nails, his weight seems good. We've heard tell that he's played with other dogs in places where the family was grifting bed and board.

Last November, when Gary was in Ohio and Becky was in North Carolina, she posted this, and it was hard not to imagine that the moment, let alone the post, would never have happened if Gary was there:

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But I don't remember ever seeing Becky or Jacob play fetch or tug with him, do any fun training, or roughhouse (a lot of little dogs like that as much as big dogs - they just need it on a little-dog scale!). I hope some of that, and even more affectionate interaction than we get to see, goes on when Gary isn't filming and needing to be the center of attention.

 

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thoughtful

Becky is disingenuous and sneaky (and some commenters don't read to the end, and get distracted by . . . hair):

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ETA - Gary posted it, as well. Here are the comments he's gotten so far:

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Alisamer
20 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Yesterday, Gary posted a video to get his brownie points for taking Becky to the ocean, and be pissy about the nekkid people he sees there.

I look at the video and think all kinds of things. It is almost indescribably beautiful - the cloud formations are amazing. My Mom and I used to ask one another "Who painted the sky today?" Neither of us are any sort of art scholar, but some days just remind you so much of certain painting styles (I joke that, if the other person answered El Greco, that meant, "Holy Toledo - get in the house!). I'd say N. C. Wyeth, for the sky in Gary's video.

I think that, unlike in past beach videos, Becky looks comfortable in her body and clothes as she walks along and bends to pick up shells. She is clearly happy to be getting her sand therapy. Her outfit is a wonderful match to the natural colors and patterns around her.

  Hide contents

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Other than a teasing "Rascal, you on Facebook!" Gary doesn't say or do anything fond, funny, or profound to or about his family. He says nothing about the beauty around them.

Besides scorning people who don't know enough to stay dressed, he says idiotic things like "There it is - the ocean"

Gary is such a dolt. Becky looks comfortable and happy, and I'm glad they got some time at "the ocean". I wonder if she's looking for shark's teeth? We used to find hundreds each summer, but the last decade or so its been super rare to find any at all. (Gary - that might be due to climate change. It's a real thing.) Rascal is cute!

Those pictures make me miss the beach. I'll be going there in early September. (Same beach as where I think they are, but a little farther south.) I'll be what Gary would consider "nekkid" - wearing a swimsuit most would consider modest if I wasn't so busty. I'll walk along, pick up shells, swim in the water, and read books under an umbrella with my toes in the sand. For a whole week. (Also including lots of mini-golf, some shopping, dinner with my cousins in Calabash, and riding the golf cart - or bike, if I can manage - around sightseeing near the house we are renting.)

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Don'tlikekoolaid
On 4/19/2021 at 7:01 PM, FiveAcres said:

My stock trailer was awesome. My trainer and I used to joke that there was no horse that wouldn't cheerfully climb into to it. Then I got my mare. She hated it. 

IKR.  My horses hated the step up into the trailer, if I ever buy another it will be the kind where the back door comes down and forms a ramp.  Was this what your horse didn’t like?

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FiveAcres
1 hour ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

IKR.  My horses hated the step up into the trailer, if I ever buy another it will be the kind where the back door comes down and forms a ramp.  Was this what your horse didn’t like?

It was a step up trailer. We never figured out why she disliked it so much. She would follow Rags, our Appy, into it. But would not go in it by herself. If we could have figured it out we might have been able to figure out a training plan to fix it. 

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