M is for Mama 6: M is for Mama 6: Temper Tantrum over Twins Twice

[SassyPants]

22 hours ago, mysweetetc said:

Twins are so, so hard in the first year. I had mine first (and second, lol) - I can't imagine having them 9th and 10th. I can't remember where I heard or read the nugget that having baby twins is like being out at sea in a sinking lifeboat - you can't think of anything else besides bailing out water. My boys were 31-week preemies, but otherwise healthy and normal. We did a month in the NICU, and then they wore monitors for a few months. I got very lucky in that, by the time they came home, they were on a strict feed/sleep schedule thanks to the gorgeous, angelic nurses, and so they cried very little and our sleep interruptions were anticipated and able to be shared predictably.

There is no way - NO WAY, N O  W A Y - that Braggie is going to handle the work of twins (again!) at her age, with her level of patience and humility (zip), and lack of willingness to let nonessential stuff like a perfect house and Insta-ready siblings go.

Do you guys think she will have Ezra and Simon actually help with nighttime duties? I assume she will tandem nurse, but what about diapers? Random outbursts? You know Shawn can't be bothered. And I don't know the consensus here, but I can only imagine what will happen to Abbie on 3-5 hours of sleep, no "Body Pump," being a nonstop milk factory, and having all those other littles underfoot. I know we joke about her being crazy, but I legitimately see warning signs for literal child abuse, neglect, and post-partum psychosis.

My co worker had 2 set of twins, 6 years apart. She just wanted to have that 1 baby experience. I remember her saying it was really hard for the first 3 years. I thought she was going to say months, and another co- worker thought she was going to say weeks. 

20 hours ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

She told us more than once she's not maternal at all, never wanted to be a mother, and doesn't like children.

There is no way she'll ever enjoy what she never wanted and doesn't like.

One time, didn’t she also say that her oldest daughter is very maternal and loving, not at all like Abbie, and that it bugs her?

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

My co worker had 2 set of twins, 6 years apart. She just wanted to have that 1 baby experience. I remember her saying it was really hard for the first 3 years. I thought she was going to say months, and another co- worker thought she was going to say weeks. 

One time, didn’t she also say that her oldest daughter is very maternal and loving, not at all like Abbie, and that it bugs her?

My son had friend in his class that were twins. They were the second set of twins in that family. I couldn’t believe they decided to have a fifth after two sets of twins. They got lucky and had a singleton. I bet that baby seemed like a breeze. 

[SuperNova]

4 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I understand Braggie.

I really understand her.

I understand Zsu. And Michelle. All of them.

That's why I use birth control. I would become mean or.mad or both if I had 10 kids and counting. But despite understanding, I will never ever condone their quiverful way of life and the child abuse.

I had a tubal at 19/20 (I can't remember exactly when anymore) because I knew I didn't want more kids. In fact, if my life had taken a more normal course, it's entirely possible I never would have had any kids. But that's life and although I loved being a young mom, the thought of a second child was horrifying to me. I already gave my daughter all of myself and often felt drained. I knew that I had nothing left to give another kid. Not to mention that Baby Nova was/is the love of my life and I don't think that I could have loved another child as much as I love her. I have a sneaking feeling I would've compared them and held up BN to a second kid.

So for those reasons and more I knew another would be a bad idea. There's nothing wrong with knowing your limits.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I would have been totally fine having just one instead of two. My “ideal” was 2 but if I’d had trouble conceiving a second like I had with the first, I would’ve been like, “nah I’m good with one.” I wasn’t about to go down that road again.

[JermajestyDuggar]

So now that I posted about Braggie not paying for schooling or childcare, she posted on her Instagram about little fees the co-op requires. It sounds like it’s extremely cheap since she’s forced to help teach Spanish. I wonder how many classes each of her 5 school age children take. 

[MomKB]

7 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I understand Braggie.

I really understand her.

I understand Zsu. And Michelle. All of them.

That's why I use birth control. I would become mean or.mad or both if I had 10 kids and counting. But despite understanding, I will never ever condone their quiverful way of life and the child abuse.

As a Christian, I find them so frustrating. There is no Biblical reason to live this way. Many conservative Christians even use the pill, and if that's not acceptable to them, there is nothing at all in Scripture that says you can't use a condom or get sterilized. There are, however, many, many verses about treating others well, especially children and other vulnerable people. 

We've seen so many quiver full moms who are in way over their heads, and yet they keep having kids. It drives me crazy. I stopped at 1 because I knew my limits. 

[danvillebelle]

We have four kids.  I know that is a LOT to many people.  But truth be told...before I became pregnant with #4, we thought we would have more.  I was only 31 when she was born.

But sometime around the fifth or sixth month of that 4th pregnancy...I knew.  The only other time I've ever had that strong of a gut feeling about something was when I met my husband (I told my best friend/roommate the next morning "I think I just met the man I'm going to marry"). I had an overwhelming, instinctive, gut KNOWING that "this is the last time I can do this.  PERIOD."  I am so glad I listened.  My husband had a vasectomy the month after she was born and that was that.  

[luv2laugh]

Who does this white fundie Instagram addict think she is to preach to the black community on Black Out Tuesday while flaunting herself in her flouncy dress?!? I broke down her comments below but in a nutshell, she basically says that feeling uncomfortable being "in the minority" is self-interest which is "neither right nor justified". Of course, she turned off comments. I'm nauseated. 

Braggie is an instagram addict... She KNOWS everyone is posting a BLACK photo for blackout Tuesday. Why did she post a pic of HERSELF in a flouncy dress while everyone else posts a black screen for Black Out Tuesday?!? What a narcissistic, self-absorbed woman! Does she not support black lives? Is she a racist? 
 

Below is the full text of her instagram post and I put in bold parts that are problematic and quite frankly, condescending to POC.

Quote

m.is.for.mama

Growing up, my brother and I played a ton of community sports. And we were often on the “minority” teams. I was one of maybe 3 white girls on my largely Hispanic soccer team multiple years in a row. Shae was one of maybe two on his. He also played baseball, and we always had a minivan full of his black teammates riding with us to practices and games.
I never thought anything of it. It was just normal to me, and I loved it.
It wasn’t until later that I found out my parents had purposefully placed us on mixed race teams every chance they got so that we could experience friendships with people who looked/acted differently than we did.
The other day, I read a post encouraging white people to really examine their hearts for racism with a story that revealed that the poster only realized that she actually was racist when she was thrust into a situation in which she was the minority, and she felt uncomfortable and acted differently than she normally would have. She discovered she didn’t like it.
It’s an interesting and potentially insightful concept, but the problem with this definition of racism is that it’s equating a feeling of discomfort with “otherness” with prejudice/hate. That implies that *anyone* who has ever been in the minority and experienced this discomfort is a racist, which I don’t believe is true.
Ultimately, it is what we DO with that all-too-familiar human (sinful) urge to flee the “other” and return to comfort that is the true test of our claim that we love God and see all as his image-bearers.
I don’t know if my parents ever felt that otherness, if I’m honest. They had lived two separate times in Israel in a Druzi (Arab) community in which they (my parents) were the minority by far. Worrying about otherness isn’t really their thing.
But if they have ever felt it, I do know their response has always been to lean into it with love rather than retreat into self-interest or rush forward in violence, neither of which is ever right or justified. I love them for that, and I’m praying for a soft heart (for me, for all of us) to do the same.
P.S. We had a 21 week appt. for the #twinbies yesterday, and they are doing perfectly, praise the Lord!

"I read a post encouraging white people to really examine their hearts for racism with a story that revealed that the poster only realized that she actually was racist when she was thrust into a situation in which she was the minority, and she felt uncomfortable ....the problem with this definition of racism is that it’s equating a feeling of discomfort with “otherness” with prejudice/hate. That implies that *anyone* who has ever been in the minority and experienced this discomfort is a racist, which I don’t believe is true."

"I don’t know if my parents ever felt that otherness, if I’m honest....They had lived two separate times in Israel in a Druzi (Arab) community in which they (my parents) were the minority by far. "

• Is Braggie Abbie implying that her parents can sympathize with the black community because they were "minorities" for a temporary time in Israel? Are you kidding me?

Worrying about otherness isn’t really their thing. But if they have ever felt it, I do know their response has always been to lean into it with love rather than retreat into self-interest or rush forward in violence, neither of which is ever right or justified."

• "Worrying about otherness isn't really their thing" What a snotty comment! Is she implying that POC who have been the minority for decades and worry about it is merely a silly "thing"?
   
• "But if they felt it... lean into it with love rather than retreat into self-interest or rush forward in violence, neither of which is ever right or justified"  "It" is the referent she's using for "worrying about otherness". Is Braggie claiming that "worrying about otherness" is "retreating into self-interest"? Is she calling the plight of the black community a matter of self-interest? I'm disgusted.
   
• "... or rush forward in violence, neither of which is ever right or justified" What in the world?! I don't think Braggie Abbie is qualified to preach to the black community how they should behave!

Edited June 2, 2020 by luv2laugh

[pupper]

53 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

Who does this white fundie Instagram addict think she is to preach to the black community on Black Out Tuesday while flaunting herself in her flouncy dress?!? I broke down her comments below but in a nutshell, she basically says that feeling uncomfortable being "in the minority" is self-interest which is "neither right nor justified". Of course, she turned off comments. I'm nauseated. 

Braggie is an instagram addict... She KNOWS everyone is posting a BLACK photo for blackout Tuesday. Why did she post a pic of HERSELF in a flouncy dress while everyone else posts a black screen for Black Out Tuesday?!? What a narcissistic, self-absorbed woman! Does she not support black lives? Is she a racist? 
 

Below is the full text of her instagram post and I put in bold parts that are problematic and quite frankly, condescending to POC.

"I read a post encouraging white people to really examine their hearts for racism with a story that revealed that the poster only realized that she actually was racist when she was thrust into a situation in which she was the minority, and she felt uncomfortable ....the problem with this definition of racism is that it’s equating a feeling of discomfort with “otherness” with prejudice/hate. That implies that *anyone* who has ever been in the minority and experienced this discomfort is a racist, which I don’t believe is true."

"I don’t know if my parents ever felt that otherness, if I’m honest....They had lived two separate times in Israel in a Druzi (Arab) community in which they (my parents) were the minority by far. "

• Is Braggie Abbie implying that her parents can sympathize with the black community because they were "minorities" for a temporary time in Israel? Are you kidding me?

Worrying about otherness isn’t really their thing. But if they have ever felt it, I do know their response has always been to lean into it with love rather than retreat into self-interest or rush forward in violence, neither of which is ever right or justified."

• "Worrying about otherness isn't really their thing" What a snotty comment! Is she implying that POC who have been the minority for decades and worry about it is merely a silly "thing"?
   
• "But if they felt it... lean into it with love rather than retreat into self-interest or rush forward in violence, neither of which is ever right or justified"  "It" is the referent she's using for "worrying about otherness". Is Braggie claiming that "worrying about otherness" is "retreating into self-interest"? Is she calling the plight of the black community a matter of self-interest? I'm disgusted.
   
• "... or rush forward in violence, neither of which is ever right or justified" What in the world?! I don't think Braggie Abbie is qualified to preach to the black community how they should behave!

Your post is thoughtful and full of insight. And I'd like to add that her wallpaper gives me a headache. Way too busy for me.

[JermajestyDuggar]

I see white ignorance like this all the time. She just doesn’t get it. And I feel like she won’t anytime soon. If she was infertile, I’m almost positive she would be a white savior who “doesn’t see race” and would adopt children of color saving them from their home countries. 

[mysweetetc]

I know this is a BEC comment, but "twinbies" makes my urge to reach through the screen and throttle her even more intense than usual.

[TuringMachine]

So her advice to black people angry and afraid of being murdered by the police is to just stop worrying about it?

I guess her parents attempts to instill in her compassion for those who don't look like her were completely unsuccessful.

Maybe it's because Braggie might actually be a sociopath.

[luv2laugh]

44 minutes ago, TuringMachine said:

So her advice to black people angry and afraid of being murdered by the police is to just stop worrying about it?

I guess her parents attempts to instill in her compassion for those who don't look like her were completely unsuccessful.

Maybe it's because Braggie might actually be a sociopath.

She must be somewhere on the Cluster B spectrum with her narcissistic tendencies.
 

Who posts an Instagram picture of themselves in a flouncy dress on Black Out Tuesday?!? 

[Ozlsn]

On 6/2/2020 at 12:50 AM, Melissa1977 said:

I understand Braggie.

I really understand her.

I understand Zsu. And Michelle. All of them.

That's why I use birth control. I would become mean or.mad or both if I had 10 kids and counting. But despite understanding, I will never ever condone their quiverful way of life and the child abuse.

I do and I don't. I understand why they are overwhelmed and mean/mad/disengaged. What I don't understand is why they keep getting pregnant when they are already in too deep. 

[SuperNova]

4 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

It wasn’t until later that I found out my parents had purposefully placed us on mixed race teams every chance they got so that we could experience friendships with people who looked/acted differently than we did.

Yeah...fuck Abbie and her parents. POC's don't exsist to teach white people lessons about acceptance and equality. I am a POC and I've been invited to events and chosen for activities based on my skin color to add an illusion of diversity and inclusiveness. It fucking sucks. I'm not a lesson for you and I'm not here so you can pat yourself on the back.

4 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

I don’t know if my parents ever felt that otherness, if I’m honest. They had lived two separate times in Israel in a Druzi (Arab) community in which they (my parents) were the minority by far. Worrying about otherness isn’t really their thing.
But if they have ever felt it, I do know their response has always been to lean into it with love rather than retreat into self-interest or rush forward in violence, neither of which is ever right or justified

Is Abbie sincerely trying to equate her parents choice to move to a predominately Arab community for a short time to generational, systemic racism against minorities? It's not even her own story, it's her parent's. She's trying to get brownie points for something she wasnt even a part of.

I wonder if Abbie herself has ever walked into a store and not had anyone help her because of her skin color. I wonder if she's ever been spit on for being white. She has no right to talk about "otherness" or what reactions are justified. I don't extend this to all white people, it's Abbie specific because she lives in a upper middle class Christian echo chamber of privilege. 

All Abbie had to do was keep her opinions to herself but nope. How can she be so mind numbingly stupid as to make this about her? Her self absorption is breathtaking.

Edited June 2, 2020 by SuperNova

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

5 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

What a narcissistic, self-absorbed woman! Does she not support black lives? Is she a racist? 

 Answers to the 3 above:

Agree 1000%

No.

Yes.

 

[mhainlen]

She’s really thinks having been a white kid on a sports team with kids of other races gives her insight and authority on current events and she needed to share that with us?  I know she’s self centered and tone deaf, but this is painful. I. Can’t. Even.  

[DundeeUnFundie]

She seriously needs to check her privilege.
Posts a photo of herself on blackout tuesday?
Makes herself the centre of the caption and story?
Adds an unrelated note about the unborn twins at the end?

Girl. Way to fuck up.

[Marly]

Also, here is a big difference between being in the minority and being a minority. Abby might have been in the minority in her team as a white person, but she has never experienced what it's like to be a minority.
White people are never minorities. They might be in the minority, like Abby's parents were in Israel, but they will never be treated like minorities, and that is because they are white.

Check your privilige, Abby, and STFU.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, Marly said:

Also, here is a big difference between being in the minority and being a minority. Abby might have been in the minority in her team as a white person, but she has never experienced what it's like to be a minority.
White people are never minorities. They might be in the minority, like Abby's parents were in Israel, but they will never be treated like minorities, and that is because they are white.

Check your privilige, Abby, and STFU.

Yep. Where I worked a decade ago, I was the only white person. I never once felt like a minority. Because I live in the US. And white people aren't a minority for fucks sake. That’s the privilege we talk about in white privilege. You can be the only white person in a group yet you aren’t a minority. Ugh she’s insufferable. 

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

Abby's old blog posts from earlier BLM events are equally shitty. I bet her insta was full of right wing "Christians" not doing blackout Tuesday. Too bad she's awful but I'm not expecting anything else from her.

[FilleMondaine]

18 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I see white ignorance like this all the time. She just doesn’t get it. And I feel like she won’t anytime soon. If she was infertile, I’m almost positive she would be a white savior who “doesn’t see race” and would adopt children of color saving them from their home countries. 

One of my favorite lines from My Name is Earl, is about not "seeing race", which is dumb. I can't believe I actually found the screenshot--here you go!

[JermajestyDuggar]

The least this over privileged woman could do was sit down and be quiet on blackout Tuesday. That’s it. But nope. She couldn’t even let blackout Tuesday be a day about racism against black people in America. She had to open her mouth and talk about herself. Because everything is about Braggie. The world revolves around Braggie and her thoughts and feelings. 

[therulesofjinx]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

She had to open her mouth and talk about herself.

How else could she let people know that it was her anniversary so they could then wish her a happy anniversary???? ?

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, therulesofjinx said:

How else could she let people know that it was her anniversary so they could then wish her a happy anniversary???? ?

I’ve never understood why people think others will care about their anniversary. I guess I can understand immediate family caring. But outside of that, why would anyone care how long you’ve been married? I honestly don’t expect others to care about me and my husband’s anniversary. Last year I mentioned to my then 4 year old that our tenth wedding anniversary was coming up. You know what he said to me? “Who cares.” Lol, that boy does not hold back. He’s blunt like his mom.

Big milestone anniversaries (25th, 50th) with a party are fun. But other than that, meh...