Alyssa & John 5: She's Raising Fashion Conscious Girls

[Vivi_music]

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Where I live, we have a government-fund daycare network. The basic price is 8,30$ per day (for one child). That is the basic fee, but it is adjusted on the net revenue of the household. Meaning some parents pay a bit more, and some a bit less (but it varies from one to three dollars more or less). The rest is subsidized by the government. Private daycares are not banned and many still exist. My mom started her career in private daycare. She was the owner and managed of her own daycare, but when the government-fund network was created in the 90's, she switched to that. She really believed in that program and I will surely use it if I have kids one day.

4500$/month is mind blowind.

Like @Melissa1977 said, I paid less in student fees for one semester!

[just_ordinary]

We spend 360€ (£305, $394) per month on daycare (it’s full day spot, nappies and food included- if your child still drinks bottles or eats purée you buy it but you get a complete refund). So my salary definitely is used for other things as well.

In many cases one salary gets eaten up by daycare though. The thing is- it’s not just about working for daycare. It’s about not being out of the work loop for too long, adding to your retirement fond. The moth to month money is just one aspect. If I get pregnant again my compensation while on (subsidised) maternity protection and leave is calculated on the last twelve months salaries. Same for paternal leave. If I stayed at home or just worked part time it will be way less than with my first. If I loose my job my unemployment benefit for one or two years are calculated on my previous salaries. If my husband falls ill or loses his job, I haven’t been out of the job market too long/already have an income that will keep us afloat for some time. If my husband dies or we separate I will not face financial problems straight away. When I retire my rent will be hopefully not so small that I am one of countless female pensioners that suffer from old-age-poverty (which is very much a female problem). 
I have absolutely no problems if staying at home is your thing. Care work and homemaking are as valuable as other jobs. All I would advice (not that anyone needs it) is to think about the future and set up solutions. Some invest a substantial part of the other partners income to set the stay at home partner up, others have the property in the name of the sahp. 

Apart from those economical aspects- thankfully we could have opted to stay longer at home if our daughter hadn’t been ready. But this child loves crowds and children. Daycare was the right decision at that point. It was way harder on us than on her. Realising how much she is independent and grown up already really hit home. It will be interesting if a second child will need more time at home. And by working full time now we will be able to afford a longer leave if necessary. 

[BullyJBG]

New video, answering the questions we've had forever. Check it out. The pants question, short and sweet and to the point. And for being a "reality star" well it seems UpTV, as a business is better than TLC. Keep on watching. But I found nothing to snark on, except that some of the questions at first are so common I was like, get to the pants question already! They were asked about more kids and she said they're figuring out health questions first. Their film crew must come in a more normal vehicle, like not a trailer or anything, because their neighbors don't know they're on TV. Interesting. I thought they came with screens and everything. Maybe TLC does? But clearly UpTV doesn't film in their yard when their neighbors are outside, nor do they film at their church. They covered their cleaning business once, but didn't they say the cleaning business was on hold currently?

[rebeccawriter01]

36 minutes ago, BullyJBG said:

New video, answering the questions we've had forever. Check it out. The pants question, short and sweet and to the point. And for being a "reality star" well it seems UpTV, as a business is better than TLC. Keep on watching. But I found nothing to snark on, except that some of the questions at first are so common I was like, get to the pants question already! They were asked about more kids and she said they're figuring out health questions first. Their film crew must come in a more normal vehicle, like not a trailer or anything, because their neighbors don't know they're on TV. Interesting. I thought they came with screens and everything. Maybe TLC does? But clearly UpTV doesn't film in their yard when their neighbors are outside, nor do they film at their church. They covered their cleaning business once, but didn't they say the cleaning business was on hold currently?

I don't know about the Tennessee crew, which would be the regular crew, but most production and broadcast outfits like UP will hire local people to shoot out of state. It's cheaper to hire that than fly or transport a team of people, equipment, etc. That often means that these are people who are contract and show up in a regular car with their own camera. My coworker's husband does this kind of work. They don't shoot much more than an establishing shot outdoors. Indoor shooting is easier to control the light, sound, etc. They can mic up the adults and use a boom for the kids and other sounds. If they have to re-shoot something, it is easier indoors to recreate the same setting. 

In terms of UP vs. TLC, the Bates are able to be big fish in a small pond on UP. There are no other successful reality shows on the channel. There are some experiments, but nothing solid has taken off yet. TLC has numerous shows and can replace each at the drop of a hat. 

The show didn't discuss or cover Alyssa's first heart procedure, which was done the same week as Carlin's wedding shower. So I have doubts that they will discuss their pausing the baby making and/or the dissolution of the business. I had thought we might get a talking head of  Kelly Jo and Gil discussing how hard it was to be there for Alyssa and then travel back for the shower. Something about Katie, who stayed with Alyssa to help afterwards, being sad to miss Carlin's shower. But there was no mention. I was impressed that Alyssa was able to keep that privatish (social media aside). We'll see if that holds true regarding procedure 2. 

[lumpentheologie]

Okay, I'll do a recap since I imagine not everyone wants to watch a 20 min video. 

They're going to answer the top 20 questions people (their youtube followers?) have asked them. 

Question 1: How did you meet?

John said it's all a blur for him and Alyssa should answer that one.  She says they met at a mutual friend's wedding and John's brother introduced them. No mention of campaigning for John's dad. 

#2: How to you make time for each other?

John says they have to prioritize their relationship because without that "the kids are chaos." Alyssa says they plan the day so they can have time together. The kids go to bed by 7:30 or 8 and they stay up till midnight having time to themselves. 

#3: What jeans do you wear?

John wears American Eagle sometimes and sometimes Old Navy. Alyssa wears American Eagle. She says they're the best for petite sizes. 

#4: How do you look so put together? 

Alyssa says it's important for her that everyone looks presentable and the kids are used to that routine before leaving the house now. Allie dresses herself. 

#5: How did you decide to wear pants?

Alyssa said when she got married she started to question some of the things she had always done, asking if she's doing them just because her friends or family do them or because it's what she wants to do/what she thinks is right. She and John had to make their own decisions, not just about clothing but about everything in life.  She and John talked about pants and John said that pants are sometimes more modest than dresses, and that he didn't consider them to be immodest and so he didn't have a problem with pants. 

(More to follow as I have the time.)

[Johannah]

Video

Edited February 13, 2020 by Johannah
Duplicate post

[Johannah]

3 hours ago, BullyJBG said:

New video, answering the questions we've had forever. Check it out. The pants question, short and sweet and to the point. And for being a "reality star" well it seems UpTV, as a business is better than TLC. Keep on watching. But I found nothing to snark on, except that some of the questions at first are so common I was like, get to the pants question already! They were asked about more kids and she said they're figuring out health questions first. Their film crew must come in a more normal vehicle, like not a trailer or anything, because their neighbors don't know they're on TV. Interesting. I thought they came with screens and everything. Maybe TLC does? But clearly UpTV doesn't film in their yard when their neighbors are outside, nor do they film at their church. They covered their cleaning business once, but didn't they say the cleaning business was on hold currently?

 

47 minutes ago, lumpentheologie said:

Okay, I'll do a recap since I imagine not everyone wants to watch a 20 min video. 

They're going to answer the top 20 questions people (their youtube followers?) have asked them. 

Question 1: How did you meet?

John said it's all a blur for him and Alyssa should answer that one.  She says they met at a mutual friend's wedding and John's brother introduced them. No mention of campaigning for John's dad. 

#2: How to you make time for each other?

John says they have to prioritize their relationship because without that "the kids are chaos." Alyssa says they plan the day so they can have time together. The kids go to bed by 7:30 or 8 and they stay up till midnight having time to themselves. 

#3: What jeans do you wear?

John wears American Eagle sometimes and sometimes Old Navy. Alyssa wears American Eagle. She says they're the best for petite sizes. 

#4: How do you look so put together? 

Alyssa says it's important for her that everyone looks presentable and the kids are used to that routine before leaving the house now. Allie dresses herself. 

#5: How did you decide to wear pants?

Alyssa said when she got married she started to question some of the things she had always done, asking if she's doing them just because her friends or family do them or because it's what she wants to do/what she thinks is right. She and John had to make their own decisions, not just about clothing but about everything in life.  She and John talked about pants and John said that pants are sometimes more modest than dresses, and that he didn't consider them to be immodest and so he didn't have a problem with pants. 

(More to follow as I have the time.)

Where is this video?

If we’re interested in watching it. The UP website? Instagram? Do you have a link?

Edited February 13, 2020 by Johannah
Duplicate post

[clueliss]

Video of Alyssa and John is on Youtube

[BullyJBG]

Are we allowed to share YouTube video links?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

3 minutes ago, BullyJBG said:

Are we allowed to share YouTube video links?

Yep!

[BullyJBG]

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

12 minutes ago, BullyJBG said:

 

They both look like they've just seen a ghost.  

[lumpentheologie]

Recap pt. 2

#6: Why homeschool?

John says they considered putting Allie in preschool, but decided to homeschool because every kid learns in a different way and since they know their children and how they learn they are best equipped to tailor lessons to each kid's learning style. John clarifies that he doesn't think the school system is wrong. Alyssa adds that Allie is their first and people say the first is the smartest but she thinks this is just because the first gets so much parental attention. Allie can already read, so Alyssa thinks her homeschooling is working. (Unclear how this will translate to additional children who get less attention.) 

#7: How did you get back in shape after pregnancy? 

Alyssa admits that she's genetically lucky in this department. Same with how she didn't get any stretch marks. She does drink a ton of water and tries to eat healthier, and she started working out as soon as the doctor said she could. They work out together 5 days a week. 

#8: What is it like being a reality star?

They don't feel like they're "stars" or famous, so it feels normal. 

#9: Do you have any marriage tips?

John: Marriage is the greatest thing ever, but you have to work at it every single day to make it work. Alyssa says communication is key. Don't focus on the little things that bother you, this is especially important for women. 

#10: What are baby names you love but won't use?

Alyssa reads from their baby name list: Anna, Amy, Ashley, Amanda, Jade (John interjects that these have not been ruled out, in case they have more girls). Meghan. Andy, John Jr (Alyssa's choice, John is against it), Jace, Jared, Nicholas, Ryan. 

 

 

[lumpentheologie]

Recap pt. 3

#11: How do you structure Bible time with your kids?

John: They usually do it at night before the kids go to bed. After the kids are all ready for bed they sit in a circle and he reads a story.  Lately they've been doing different character sketches and how animals show character. (Alyssa is 100% fundie gazing at him while he says this.) Then they read a chapter or so of Proverbs. Then they all pray and hug and kiss goodnight. Alyssa says the girls love it because it's their time to get attention and whatever character quality they're learning. (This sounds very ATI.) Allie loves to help give examples.  Lately they worked on Loyalty and Responsibility, and Allie said helping Mom pick up toys from the floor shows responsibility. The kids use these lessons in everyday life. 

(Lexi has gotten up from her nap and has joined them.  She's cute and sleepy and sitting on John's lap.) 

#12: How many kids and will you have more?

John: We have three so far. Alyssa says she gets asked this all the time.  She would love more kids. But right now she doesn't know, they're still working out some issues with her health and talking to doctors. So maybe they'll have more, maybe not. She is not pregnant . John says, kinda joking, well, not that we know. 

#13: How do you handle criticism?

John says it doesn't really bother him. But that it depends and if it's someone he really respects and they say they don't think he should be doing something, then he reconsiders. But if like someone he never met says he's ugly, he thinks "So? Have you seen my wife?? I did great." Alyssa: You're not ugly. Alyssa tries to just shrug off online criticism. But will accept it from people she knows. But online people are going to say what they say, it doesn't change who they are. 

#14: Do your neighbors know you're on TV? 

They don't think so. Maybe the people next door have seen the film crew, but they're not sure. They know the neighbors and they've never said anything about it. They think they're just normal people and regular neighbors. 

#15: How do you keep spice in your marriage? 

John says, if you're living at home you should probably go ask your own parents (?????) Alyssa says she doesn't know how to answer that. They laugh.  John: Just laugh together and be fun. They stay up late, watch goofy movies, and laugh and drink coffee, and have shared fun times together. Alyssa: You have to find a partner you can laugh with and have a good time with. 

[Seculardaisy]

1 hour ago, lumpentheologie said:

Recap pt. 2 . 

#10: What are baby names you love but won't use?

Alyssa reads from their baby name list: Anna, Amy, Ashley, Amanda, Jade (John interjects that these have not been ruled out, in case they have more girls). Meghan. Andy, John Jr (Alyssa's choice, John is against it), Jace, Jared, Nicholas, Ryan. 

 

 

These are surprisingly “Early to Mid 90s names” and not overly cutesy like their other three girls names. 
 

10/10 guarantee they would call Amanda, Mandy.

[kmachete14]

This is pure snark, but when I hear people who want to name their kids the "popular" names from when THEY were kids, it always makes me think they are a) living vicariously through what they think are "cool" names or b) wished they had those cool names c) knew some popular person from that time they hope their kid will be like 

It just personally weirds me out 

But fundies are always behind the curve on anything trendy/normal so maybe she doesn't even realize this 

I thought it was great that Alyssa mentioned she had to consider if her family's way of doing things was morally right vs. just what they do. I hope she applies this to a lot more stuff in the future. 

[lumpentheologie]

Recap pt. 4

#16: What books do you recommend? 

Alyssa: The 5 Love Languages.  John: The Bible is the best book to read. Another marriage book Alyssa really likes is Love and Respect. (I wasn't familiar this one, so I looked it up and the premise is that women need love and men need respect. ?)  John has no books to add besides the Bible, since it "sums up everything." His favorite books of the Bible are Proverbs and James. Alyssa also loves Proverbs. 

#17: How do you whiten your teeth? 

Alyssa occasionally uses the Crest whitening strips but she hasn't in a while.  Mostly she just brushes her teeth like 3-4 times a day with a whitening toothpaste. The kind in the red tube. She's not sure about the brand.  Maybe Colgate?

#18: How close are you with John's side of the family?

Alyssa says she's really close, John says they like her more than him. His parents live down the street and his brothers live close too, so they spend a lot of time together. 

#19: Does John get up with the kids?

John: Very rarely. Right now they all sleep really well and they've always been really good sleepers.  But when they're newborns, Alyssa always gets up with them. Alyssa interjects to insist that John is super helpful. He changes diapers. Having three kids is harder than having one. But he didn't notice when the babies woke up and thought they just slept through the night. Alyssa feels like it's her responsibility since John goes to work every day. She can nap during the day when the girls do. It would be hard to survive if you had to get up with the kids and then go to work. John: The reason our family is successful is because of you. Alyssa says no, it's because of John. 

#20: Was the transition to 3 kids hard?

Yes. Everyone says it's hard. Kelly even said it was hardest with 3. It was really hard for them to have 3 kids in diapers. Alyssa says she doesn't want to repeat that. It's easier now that they're older.  For Alyssa 6-12mo is the "most dreaded" stage, mostly because they're mobile but can't communicate and can't do anything themselves. She loves newborns and gets baby fever when she holds one. 

They plan to do more of these Q&As.  

My impressions: For most of it Alyssa was energetic, engaged, and laughed a lot.  It was a lot nicer to watch than the videos where she's trying to sell something on instagram. She seemed fairly pleasant to be around and if she acted like that I wouldn't hate it if she was the person stuck in an elevator with me. 

[kmachete14]

@lumpentheologie I also thought it was pleasant. The only red flag was the book stuff. Besides the fact that the marriage book you researched was sketchy, the fact that they really can't name books besides the Bible and ones that run the fundie gamut shows that in some aspects they are still sheltered, anti-intellectual, and narrow minded. 

[Melissa1977]

I can't believe neighbours don't know anything about Webster "fame". More probably neighbours feel a bit embarrased and prefer to say nothing about it.

Also I doubt they discussed about putting Allie in a regular school. John is not going to do something SO opposed to his father beliefs, specially when all his siblings homeschool.

The positive part is that they sound sincere about waiting a while before having more kids (or stopping at 3). They seem to take Alyssa health as a very important issue.

Edited February 13, 2020 by Melissa1977
Spelling

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I can't believe neighbours don't know anything about Webster "fame". More probably neighbours feel a bit embarrased and prefer to say nothing about it.

I can.  I know people who have no idea who the Duggars are, much less the Bates.  If not for FJ I wouldn't know who they are - I don't watch those shows.

 

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, Seculardaisy said:

These are surprisingly “Early to Mid 90s names” and not overly cutesy like their other three girls names. 
 

10/10 guarantee they would call Amanda, Mandy.

I could so see them naming a boy Jace. It fits their “cutesy” theme.

[theotherelise]

I think it would be slightly odd not to realize your neighbor is the son of your congressman. But I probably pay too much attention to politics! Most people don’t know the Bateseseses.

I actually am in the same church small group as the nephew of my Congress person.

[Melissa1977]

9 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I can.  I know people who have no idea who the Duggars are, much less the Bates.  If not for FJ I wouldn't know who they are - I don't watch those shows.

 

Yes, but John's parents live in the neibourhood. People knows when a congressman is their neighbour, and gossip about the family. I mean, they seem to live in a quiet place, not in a busy city center. 

Of course it may be true that neighbours don't know. But it is possible that Alyssa thinks that just because they don't interact or don't ask questions about TV. 

[16strong]

I honestly think most of the neighbors know they're on tv, but simply don't give a shit. Also, love Alyssa teaching Character Qualities. A reminder that they haven't really strayed from the cult.

[singsingsing]

Tbh I have no idea who my neighbours are. One of them could easily be famous in some niche area, or closely related to a very famous person, and I wouldn’t have a clue.