Alyssa & John 5: She's Raising Fashion Conscious Girls

[SassyPants]

#1- Why do people ask strangers about their plans for family size?

#2-  Why wouldn’t someone with 3 young kids, and with recent serious heart issues requiring multiple surgeries, give the logical answer of  “ I have to focus on my own health before adding additional stress on my body or our family’s life.”

The questions are invasive and inappropriate.

The answers are illogical and passive aggressive.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

45 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

#1- Why do people ask strangers about their plans for family size?

#2-  Why wouldn’t someone with 3 young kids, and with recent serious heart issues requiring multiple surgeries, give the logical answer of  “ I have to focus on my own health before adding additional stress on my body or our family’s life.”

The questions are invasive and inappropriate.

The answers are illogical and passive aggressive.

#1 - I would love to say that it's because the only reason anyone knows who Alyssa is is due to her membership in a family whose claim to D-list fame is unfettered reproduction.  But it happens to much irl to the sad answer is there are a lot of rude people who feel entitled to inquire about the present or future contents of a woman's uterus.

#2 - because that answer would be followed up with the question of how are they waiting and does this mean they don't believe in leaving it up to God as her parents preach.

People suck.

[SassyPants]

Alyssa needs to channel a little Chelsy Maxwell and explain that once a couple is married, and considered adults per the cult, they are able to determine their own beliefs, including family size. Now since the Max’s don’t have a $$$$$$$$$$ making show, she has less to lose by stating the obvious.

[Deleorean88mph]

Alyssa's fame is not of her own choosing, it's because her parents agreed to do the show.  She utilizes it to her advantage when it comes to advertising her products. She also chooses to put content on her social media knowing she has an audience who will say whatever they want. However, all of this in no way justifies her followers asking her directly about plans for future children.  She does not owe anyone an explanation, and if she wants to give one, she can do so, just as she volunteered the info about her heart condition. 

[nausicaa]

13 hours ago, SassyPants said:

The answers are illogical and passive aggressive.

I think Alyssa has definitely been passive aggressive in the past, but I think her "we shall see" is an appropriate answer to those inappropriate questions. By just repeating the same phrase to all questions of that ilk, she is also discouraging others from asking and making it clear the topic is a consistent non-starter and they won't get more information by asking in a different way. It's a pretty good approach, imo.

On 1/15/2020 at 5:47 AM, lumpentheologie said:

I agree it's not for publicity.  Her insta is private.  

Is she somehow associated with some boutique? I just don't understand it. I assumed it was a lonely older woman who felt unreasonably close to Alyssa from watching her grow up on TV. I was really surprised to see it's an attractive young woman (at least according to photos). I hope Alyssa has vetted this woman and made sure this isn't some bizarre catfishing scheme. 

[SassyPants]

5 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

I think Alyssa has definitely been passive aggressive in the past, but I think her "we shall see" is an appropriate answer to those inappropriate questions. By just repeating the same phrase to all questions of that ilk, she is also discouraging others from asking and making it clear the topic is a consistent non-starter and they won't get more information by asking in a different way. It's a pretty good approach, imo.

I’m truly surprised that she didn’t go with “only God knows”.

Actually,  you know how all these gals go on IG stories and lead with the phrase, “so many people have asked”.... this would be the perfect way/venue to handle the question regarding future kids. 

[Melissa1977]

45 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I’m truly surprised that she didn’t go with “only God knows”

She never has said that, not even when she was single. She said she wanted 10 (which I doubt was true, but anyway) but not more. Even then, she implied it was her decision. When Allie was born, she said she wanted 6, and didn't mention God. I wonder if Websters are ok with birth control. I don't see her being so clear if they weren't.

With Michael not having kids, Whitney spacing hers, Josie's confessing she wanted to wait 1 or 2 years because having a baby and Alyssa (very probably) using BC for health reasons, I think Kelly must be scared of Duggars winning the grandkids race. 

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

3 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

 Whitney spacing hers

Did we ever hear that Whitney and Zach were deliberately spacing theirs, or did they just have a miscarriage in there?

I could see Whitney going either way, to be honest.

[Melissa1977]

4 minutes ago, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

Did we ever hear that Whitney and Zach were deliberately spacing theirs, or did they just have a miscarriage in there?

I could see Whitney going either way, to be honest.

They had a miscarriage, but I think the baby and Kaci were not extremely close in age (?). Of course, not all the couples are highly fertile, so they may be not preventing at all and still not having a big quiver. I can see Zach happy with a little family, and frankly, at this point, Whitney too. But I can be wrong, of course.

[OyToTheVey]

On 1/16/2020 at 2:15 PM, Melissa1977 said:

They had a miscarriage, but I think the baby and Kaci were not extremely close in age (?). Of course, not all the couples are highly fertile, so they may be not preventing at all and still not having a big quiver. I can see Zach happy with a little family, and frankly, at this point, Whitney too. But I can be wrong, of course.

I don't see Zach wanting a huge family. I think he likes the freedom his little family gives him. As the oldest, he's seen it all. I really don't think he wants the same. If he did, he wouldn't have found a girl at the mall while she was working. He would have 'prayed' for a girl from church and the proper family.

[LillyP]

22 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

I don't see Zach wanting a huge family. I think he likes the freedom his little family gives him. As the oldest, he's seen it all. I really don't think he wants the same. If he did, he wouldn't have found a girl at the mall while she was working. He would have 'prayed' for a girl from church and the proper family.

I totally agree with this. His failed courtship was doing it the way his family wanted. It didn’t work and I think he very quickly realized that was not the kind of life, or the kind of wife, for him. He’s talked about how he allows his kids things he wasn’t allowed - and I remember him being so excited about just being able to give Bradley a Winnie the Pooh room/toys/etc. 

I can see them having maybe one more, because honestly, these days 4 kids isn’t that much. Don’t get me wrong - I would rather put forks into my eyeballs than have 4 kids...but I have plenty of non-religious friends who (willingly) have 4 kids. Like I can count at least 5-6 friends who are all all just regular families with 4 kids, because it seems like “larger” families are making a bit of a comeback lately. 

I think he’s fine just being a pretty conservative Christian with a small family. There are plenty of people from fundie families that break the mold and go totally against the grain - look at Anna Duggar’s sisters. At least two of them are I think? I don’t see any of Bates kids publicly speaking against religion or speaking poorly about their parents/family. It would be very off-brand and even if they didn’t’ think or believe that way at the end of the day they’re a close family.

[Melissa1977]

I don't know how to post pictures, but Lexi's birthday party looks great and PJ masks theme is neutral, not girly. Fruit&veggies were served (pizza too). 

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

22 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I don't know how to post pictures, but Lexi's birthday party looks great and PJ masks theme is neutral, not girly. Fruit&veggies were served (pizza too). 

 

Save the pic to your device, when you post select the "choose files" link below and select the pic you want to post.

[kmachete14]

4-5 kids is normal in all the areas that I've ever lived/worked, and in my family. And most are very close in age (1-2 grade gaps) as well. I don't think we will be able to tell if they are limiting until it gets past this range. 

[Kelsey]

On 1/15/2020 at 7:54 PM, SassyPants said:

#1- Why do people ask strangers about their plans for family size?

 

The questions are invasive and inappropriate.

 

I've wondered this for years. I can't wait until I'm old enough not to have to explain my infertility just to get a haircut. 

[nokidsmom]

On 1/18/2020 at 5:48 PM, LillyP said:

I totally agree with this. His failed courtship was doing it the way his family wanted. It didn’t work and I think he very quickly realized that was not the kind of life, or the kind of wife, for him. He’s talked about how he allows his kids things he wasn’t allowed - and I remember him being so excited about just being able to give Bradley a Winnie the Pooh room/toys/etc. 

I agree as well.   I think the failed courtship was beneficial to him in a number of way even if it didn't feel that way at first.  He got to see that his parents weren't always right, which is an important thing to realize when you are a fundie kid and before they make more bad decisions for you.   Perhaps on reflection, he realized that the godly young woman wasn't what he wanted anyway.  Such realizations can open the floodgates on reviewing what other decisions that your fundie parents made for you.    And Gil and Kelly have made a boatload of crappy decisions for their kids.  

Edited January 22, 2020 by nokidsmom

[AussieKrissy]

Hair tutorial on youtube. All these fundies on YouTube makes me wonder if I have ever unwittingly given someone a hit, I would normally avoid. 
I have watched hair tutorials before. When I was mastering my GHD. 

[Skeptic55]

I've wondered this for years. I can't wait until I'm old enough not to have to explain my infertility just to get a haircut. 

Must be regional. Where I live, one is the norm since it’s difficult to afford two (high cost of living area). I had two in daycare at the same time for $4500/month for a time.

[Melissa1977]

5 hours ago, Skeptic55 said:

 

Must be regional. Where I live, one is the norm since it’s difficult to afford two (high cost of living area). I had two in daycare at the same time for $4500/month for a time.

 

1.2 kids for woman is the norm here. Yeah, one.dot.two, not twelve. Mainly because financial stability and long working journeys (SAHM are a minority). Also, even stablished couples tend to have children in their late thirties, in order to make "youth life" longer. In addition, more and more young women are saying they just want no kids.

When I was born in the 70's, 1 child was OK, 2 was the norm, 3 was "OK but a bit too much" and more than that was an exception.

[just_ordinary]

7 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

1.2 kids for woman is the norm here. Yeah, one.dot.two, not twelve. Mainly because financial stability and long working journeys (SAHM are a minority). Also, even stablished couples tend to have children in their late thirties, in order to make "youth life" longer. In addition, more and more young women are saying they just want no kids.

When I was born in the 70's, 1 child was OK, 2 was the norm, 3 was "OK but a bit too much" and more than that was an exception.

Now, I wonder if we are from the same country (I think we do).

In my country there seems to be a little change though. 3 is the new 2 for youngish (25-35), hip, economically stable people that want children. It seems as if you either have 0, 1, 3 or even 4 (but this definitely puts you in a freak category most of the time).

[Melissa1977]

1 hour ago, just_ordinary said:

Now, I wonder if we are from the same country (I think we do).

In my country there seems to be a little change though. 3 is the new 2 for youngish (25-35), hip, economically stable people that want children. It seems as if you either have 0, 1, 3 or even 4 (but this definitely puts you in a freak category most of the time).

I'm in Barcelona. Definitely not the same country than you! Your daycare monthly fees are higher than our private colleges!

But yeah, having 4 kids put you in freak category, too.

[just_ordinary]

1 hour ago, Melissa1977 said:

I'm in Barcelona. Definitely not the same country than you! Your daycare monthly fees are higher than our private colleges!

But yeah, having 4 kids put you in freak category, too.

?

yeah day care till 3 is pretty expensive. Thankfully- in my state it’s free afterwards. 

[Johannah]

19 hours ago, Skeptic55 said:

 

Must be regional. Where I live, one is the norm since it’s difficult to afford two (high cost of living area). I had two in daycare at the same time for $4500/month for a time.

 

I pay more than this for part-time daycare/preschool for 2 children. And that seems to be on the lower end of available options in the area. It’s horrifying and infuriating. Please give me mandated parental leave and subsidized high quality childcare!

[AussieKrissy]

1 hour ago, Johannah said:

I pay more than this for part-time daycare/preschool for 2 children. And that seems to be on the lower end of available options in the area. It’s horrifying and infuriating. Please give me mandated parental leave and subsidized high quality childcare!

My childcare fees are about 105 per day, I am subsidized I pay about 30. 

I honestly do not know how people afford child care without it being subsidized. 

 

[Johannah]

3 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

My childcare fees are about 105 per day, I am subsidized I pay about 30. 

I honestly do not know how people afford child care without it being subsidized. 

 

You spend one parent’s entire salary on childcare, sometimes more. And just figure that at least it’s temporary and there will be an end to it once the child is school-aged. Some people (usually women) quit their jobs to stay home with children bc childcare costs more than their salary, which then affects their lifetime earning potential. It’s a horrible way to live.