Dillards 25 - It's A Boy!

[Bad Wolf]

7 minutes ago, twinmama said:

How old is Izzy now? I know with my boys 15/18 months to 2.5 years was just the hardest thing EVER. They were climbers, they didn't understand "no" yet, and they were just into everything constantly. They napped well and stayed on 2 naps a day for a long time, so when they went to sleep, I'd just drop from exhaustion. It was physically taxing constantly pulling them off shelves (all bolted to the wall, no worries there), and mentally taxing because a 30 second bathroom break meant either putting both of them in a crib or coming out to find them pulling things off a shelf they couldn't reach yesterday but today they could. Around 2.5 years, they finally started understanding "no" and stopping when I asked them too haha. And at the time, we lived in a tiny apartment where they were basically baby gated into the living room for their safety (huge living room, thank god) so distraction only worked a bit because there was never anything new.

So I'd agree that they could just be exhausted by parenting an active little guy who doesn't understand "no" yet.

Good point, but there's only one of him, and 2 parents who don't work. They also have the auntie moms. Do we know for sure that he's very active? Jill doesn't post pics or videos like Jessa.

[twinmama]

Just now, Bad Wolf said:

Good point, but there's only one if him, and 2 parents who don't work. They also have the auntie moms. Do we know for sure that he's very active? Jill doesn't post pics or videos like Jessa.

True, I was only going by his age. I wonder if when both parents are there if Jill still does all the child-related work or if Derrick actually helps? I know my husband helps a lot when he's home, and he has a full time job. But sometimes he's just exhausted from work and even though it's infrequent it's hard to be the one who has to make the kids dinner, read the story, give the bath, brush the teeth, fill the water bottles and watch Daddy sit on the couch with a book. I don't mind because it doesn't happen often and he does spend all day at a stressful job, but if I was Jill and Derrick wasn't working OR helping, I'd be PISSED. If that's how it goes in their house, who knows.

[SassyPants]

In my mind, Jill and Derick are more concerned with each other (ala M and JB) than they are about Izzy. Jessa seems more into SES than Ben.

I do not "get" why people who do not seem all that into children or the actual nuts and bolts of raising kids to responsible and successful adulthood (aka able to take care of themselves and function in society) keep having kid after kid. Why punish everyone????

That IS a brainwashed person.

[HarleyQuinn]

I love the replies to Derick's transphobic tweet though. It's amazing seeing people call his bigot ass out. 

[front hugs > duggs]

I probably have a really stupid question, that probably does not have a single answer. But considering I have no children and had incredibly selfish parents who didn't love each other, I have to at least try to understand:

My brother and I were always told by my dad that we were the most important things in his life (not in any order), but even when my parents were married it was pretty clear he loved us above my mom (sounds harsh, but it's honest). My mom was a deeply insecure person who just wanted to be loved by a man, so impressing men (my dad or subsequent boyfriends) seemed to always be a priority above her three children. 

Mr. Front Hugs' parents (from his perspective at least) also seemed to put each other first before their kids. Not in a neglectful way at all, but one parent ALWAYS sticking up for the other parent in an argument with a kid, maybe even if they didn't agree. 

Is there some sort of normal here? I've heard (probably from my dad, who has never truly been in love) that once your kids are born, it's a love like no other, which I can appreciate. Do kids take precedent over a spouse? Is it like different, but equal? I know all families are different of course, I guess I was just wondering how you manage two different relationships (spousal versus parent/child) with an abundance of love for both, especially if there gets to be a conflict.

[Marly]

32 minutes ago, twinmama said:

True, I was only going by his age. I wonder if when both parents are there if Jill still does all the child-related work or if Derrick actually helps? I know my husband helps a lot when he's home, and he has a full time job. But sometimes he's just exhausted from work and even though it's infrequent it's hard to be the one who has to make the kids dinner, read the story, give the bath, brush the teeth, fill the water bottles and watch Daddy sit on the couch with a book. I don't mind because it doesn't happen often and he does spend all day at a stressful job, but if I was Jill and Derrick wasn't working OR helping, I'd be PISSED. If that's how it goes in their house, who knows.

I remember seeing various pictures of Derick carying Izzy around and cooking dinner/breakfast. So I do think he helps out with Izzy. And seeing that him interacting with and being around Izzy looks much less awkward than Ben's interactions with Spurgeon, I'd think he helps out (a lot) more than Ben does.
I can see Derick looking after Izzy when Jill is occupied with cleaning or doing laundry.
 think that would be necessary as well, because I don't think Jill would be able to look after Izzy and take care of intensive chores at the same time. And if minding Izzy means Jill won't go raging mad (=crazy, not angry) and is that way still able to clean/cook/do laundry, so that he really only needs to help out with Izzy and not take over the complete household, I think he'd be more than willing to do so.

[front hugs > duggs]

It's just problematic IMO that Derick considers those "helping out" moments when Jill is occupied as babysitting.

[sparklymagie]

39 minutes ago, front hugs > duggs said:

I probably have a really stupid question, that probably does not have a single answer. But considering I have no children and had incredibly selfish parents who didn't love each other, I have to at least try to understand:

My brother and I were always told by my dad that we were the most important things in his life (not in any order), but even when my parents were married it was pretty clear he loved us above my mom (sounds harsh, but it's honest). My mom was a deeply insecure person who just wanted to be loved by a man, so impressing men (my dad or subsequent boyfriends) seemed to always be a priority above her three children. 

Mr. Front Hugs' parents (from his perspective at least) also seemed to put each other first before their kids. Not in a neglectful way at all, but one parent ALWAYS sticking up for the other parent in an argument with a kid, maybe even if they didn't agree. 

Is there some sort of normal here? I've heard (probably from my dad, who has never truly been in love) that once your kids are born, it's a love like no other, which I can appreciate. Do kids take precedent over a spouse? Is it like different, but equal? I know all families are different of course, I guess I was just wondering how you manage two different relationships (spousal versus parent/child) with an abundance of love for both, especially if there gets to be a conflict.

I think it depends on your parenting philosophy. My parents always prioritized their marriage over me and my sister, but I did not feel like that was to my neglect. My parents wanted to maintain a strong marriage knowing that someday my sister and I would grow up and leave house and have our own families. I think their example showed me what a strong marriage looks like.

Edit to add: if one of my parents had done something abusive towards me and my sister I do not think the non-abusive parent would have taken the other parent's side. Everything has limits.

[Exposed Collarbone]

In my first marriage, my husband placed my daughter first once she was born. I don't even know if I made the top 20. (We were married for 10 years prior to having a child.)

With my current marriage I have made sure to make my marriage a priority. It is important to me to show my daughter what a healthy relationship looks like. I love my daughter fiercely, and she knows it. I just don't worship at the alter of children. 

[EmmieJ]

1 hour ago, SassyPants said:

In my mind, Jill and Derick are more concerned with each other (ala M and JB) than they are about Izzy. Jessa seems more into SES than Ben.

I do not "get" why people who do not seem all that into children or the actual nuts and bolts of raising kids to responsible and successful adulthood (aka able to take care of themselves and function in society) keep having kid after kid. Why punish everyone????

That IS a brainwashed person.

Exactly.  Some people really enjoy being parents, and spending time with their kids and each other; other people really don't enjoy it much.  If you are someone who really doesn't enjoy the "nuts and bolts" of raising kids, please don't have kids.  Raising even one child is really tough.  That's why it helps tremendously to overall love it, despite having to slog through the tough moments.

I have to say, Jessa (and Ben too) have surprised me.  Maybe Spurgeon is an "easy" baby, and goodness knows, he really is cute as a button, but she reminds me of me as a new mom.  To this day, I'm still always fascinated and interested in what my son is doing, thinking, whatever.  He's the most interesting person in the world to me.  And when he was just a baby/toddler, I could have taken the same photos and videos of him as Jessa does with Spurgeon.  Clearly, she really enjoys being with him and playing with him.

It's not really fair for me to judge Jill in this regard -- but I keep thinking about some of the photos she has posted, especially the one with Izzy so tightly swaddled and bawling his eyes out.  What was that about?  Why take a picture of that - and then post it? 

As to Ben vs. Derick - can hardly believe I'm saying this, but I prefer Ben the doofus to Derick the ever more shambling religious jerk.

[Chickenbutt]

Mr. Butt and I have been married 34 years and raised 2 boys. We nurtured our marriage, but not at the expense of our children. We thought that a happy marriage would give our boys a good "role model" and show them that respect, love, kindness and tolerance makes for a good union. Mr. Butt and I do present a united front with our kids. If one of us had a differing opinion, then we discussed it in private. After discussing it, if a change was needed, then we talked to the boys, told them we discussed it and this is the new thought. In our opinion, we cannot do justice raising our children if we are not in a good place with each other. This is not to say we didn't make mistakes, all parents do. But we admitted those mistakes, apologized if necessary and moved on.

I don't love anyone more than the other, children or Mr. Butt, but I can say it is a different kind of love. Mess with Mr. Butt, he is an adult and I will back him up if needed. Mess with my kids/grandkids and you will need backup...lol.

[EmmieJ]

56 minutes ago, front hugs > duggs said:

Is there some sort of normal here? I've heard (probably from my dad, who has never truly been in love) that once your kids are born, it's a love like no other, which I can appreciate. Do kids take precedent over a spouse? Is it like different, but equal? I know all families are different of course, I guess I was just wondering how you manage two different relationships (spousal versus parent/child) with an abundance of love for both, especially if there gets to be a conflict.

I've never married and I was a single mom, so take my response for what it's worth    First, I loved my parents, love my siblings, have had several very loving and serious romantic relationships, and have some wonderful friends that I love.  But when I had my son, the depth and intensity of the love I felt for him was like nothing I'd ever felt before.  I would gladly give my  life to save his - that kind of love.  I have also heard from guys that on witnessing the birth of their child, they experience the same rush of emotion and love. 

My parents seemed to find a happy balance between keeping their own relationship strong, yet also making family a priority.  Whatever disagreements they had, it was done privately, never in front of us.  They always backed each other up.  

One thing my parents did was when my dad came home from work, my mom and he would sit in the living room, have a drink and talk abut their day.  That was their time.  We weren't told not to come in the room, but if we did, we were to sit quietly and not interrupt them.  (Since that was rather boring, we mostly were off playing elsewhere.)  After that, it would be dinner time and the whole family would sit at the table and share about our day. 

My parents put a premium on family.  Family came first.  Every decision they made, they considered it in the context of what would be best for the family as a whole.  If one of us was in a school play, the entire family attended the play.  My dad once wondered out loud why any parent would go bungee-jumping, because in his mind it was irresponsible to engage in risky behavior when your spouse and children were relying on you. 

31 minutes ago, Chickenbutt said:

Mr. Butt and I have been married 34 years and raised 2 boys. We nurtured our marriage, but not at the expense of our children. We thought that a happy marriage would give our boys a good "role model" and show them that respect, love, kindness and tolerance makes for a good union. Mr. Butt and I do present a united front with our kids. If one of us had a differing opinion, then we discussed it in private. After discussing it, if a change was needed, then we talked to the boys, told them we discussed it and this is the new thought. In our opinion, we cannot do justice raising our children if we are not in a good place with each other. This is not to say we didn't make mistakes, all parents do. But we admitted those mistakes, apologized if necessary and moved on.

I don't love anyone more than the other, children or Mr. Butt, but I can say it is a different kind of love. Mess with Mr. Butt, he is an adult and I will back him up if needed. Mess with my kids/grandkids and you will need backup...lol.

You and Mr. Butt sound like how my parents raised us    And lol to your last sentence because I'm the same way. 

[ClaraOswin]

A lot of people here have referred to that photo as part of a "photo shoot" and commenting about People Magazine being there. But I am pretty sure no one from People Magazine was actually in their home. And I'm pretty sure that's just a photo snapped by a family member and sent over to People. They've done that in the past, if I recall. From the quality of the photo, I'd say it was taken on someone's phone (and not a very good phone at that.)

As for relationships with a spouse and children....they are just different. Different kinds of love. I suppose I would put my child above my husband. I know others look down on that but whatever. If it came down to saving ONE life...it would be my son, not my husband. And I would hope he would make the same choice. My son's needs are more important to my than my husband's. 

[DaniLouisiana]

I think it depends on the ages of the child/children.  When my children were young, I felt as @ClaraOswin does-the children needs come first. But now they're all adults, so now I put ny husband and marriage first most of the time, with the exception of crisises.

[EmmieJ]

36 minutes ago, ClaraOswin said:

A lot of people here have referred to that photo as part of a "photo shoot" and commenting about People Magazine being there. But I am pretty sure no one from People Magazine was actually in their home. And I'm pretty sure that's just a photo snapped by a family member and sent over to People. They've done that in the past, if I recall. From the quality of the photo, I'd say it was taken on someone's phone (and not a very good phone at that.)

I think you are right that the photograph was done informally, rather than People sending out a professional photographer - at least I sure hope People has better photographers than that.  But if I were submitting a photo to any sort of publication, something to be seen by the general public and for the purpose of promoting myself, or a cause I believed in, etc. - I would probably try to make the best impression possible, which includes putting on shoes.  But hey, that's just me - a heathen.  LOL.

[Fundie Bunny]

I have no children nor am I married, but I as I see it, children come first, always and forever. Spouse second, and i really hope the father of my future children thinks like I do.

[ClaraOswin]

I remember in an episode (Izzy's birth?), Michelle kept talking about how your marriage should be above your kids and I always thought that seemed a bit FITH.

[mdatca]

The whole reveal photo is a mess.  IMO Derrick threw on that ridiculous hat because he didn't bother showering and combing his hair.  They both look like they were caught by surprise on a really bad day.  The candles are crooked in the holders on the wall and the sign is sitting on the ground rather than on the wall where it belongs.  I understand having a surprise visit and getting caught having a slobby day but I don't think that is the case here.  They are 2 adults who do not have jobs out of the home.  Their job is to look pretty and happy for the camera for a few hours a year.  Even if they were having a really bad day where were the rest of the Duggar cult that have to put their input and backbone into everything any of them do.  Not to mention the friends who would have gladly came over and helped them out   the hanger on wanna bees on TV people and leghumpers who enslave themselves to the Duggar cult.  No one could have straightened the candles and set up a pose and better looking snapshot to send to a magazine?

[BabyBottlePop]

On January 31, 2017 at 4:10 PM, ClaraOswin said:

Are you married? Do you plan to be some day? If you have a good one...a marriage can be a very long road full of many health problems. Spouses end up having to deal with grossness sometimes. That's life. If you love someone, it doesn't have to "kill" any sort of vibe. It's just a reality.

On my third date with my now husband, we went for a run together. Being a former track star I wanted to show off and I ran way too hard. I got sick from the heat and started throwing up. I was so embarrassed and sure he would never call me again. But he was an adult and realized it was a bodily function. Since being married to him, we've seen each other sick, unattractive, blah... And it's awesome not to have to be "on" for someone all the time. We still are attracted to each other and enjoy each other.

[Iamtheway]

I love Mr. Way very much. He is my family, my partner and my best friend and I hope we will be happy together forever. Sometimes I love him more (like when he does the dishes) and sometimes I love him a little less (like when he leaves his dirty socks all over the place) but I always love him. 

However. If my love for Mr. Way is a 9–10 (depending on the dishes–sock ratio) then my love for Miniway is a never changing 12 (despite the fact he never does the dishes and has taken after his fathers sock leaving habbits).

I love that kid more then I thought I was able to love anyone and it has only grown stronger from the day I first found out he was growing inside me (with a tiny dip during the delivery when I loved the epidural man only and hated everyone else in the whole world).

See how I tied the different loves thing together with the shoes, socks, barefoot threaddrift? Pretty proud of that ...

Wearing shoes inside is just weird to me. And equally weird would be going barefoot to the shops. That photo has so many things wrong with it though, the shoes, socks, feet are not a biggie I think. 

[CorruptionInc.]

Just to throw another possibility into the mix: the Dullards are lazy, plain and simple. Jill saw her parents be lazy and allocate tasks to their children. Because she doesn't know any different, she may think this is "what parents do" and continue doing it.

Pure speculation of course, but truth is stranger than fiction and who knows with this family?

[SassyPants]

59 minutes ago, CorruptionInc. said:

Just to throw another possibility into the mix: the Dullards are lazy, plain and simple. Jill saw her parents be lazy and allocate tasks to their children. Because she doesn't know any different, she may think this is "what parents do" and continue doing it.

Pure speculation of course, but truth is stranger than fiction and who knows with this family?

I 100% agree that the Duggars are lazy and choose the easiest solutions always.

[candygirl200413]

You guys that are married make such a great point and it's something I am working on because I have emtephobia so I can barley deal with myself puking and like chicken out with other people and I'm like well if I want a partner and children I need to be okay with something like that as well as just anything coming out of their body.

 

 

[nst]

also in the latest people magazine jill goes on about 

she won't freak if she has to have a c section - she calls labour unpredictable 

now she knows that things change

and they will go to SCA before the baby is born and come here and have it 

 

[Carm_88]

8 minutes ago, nst said:

also in the latest people magazine jill goes on about 

she won't freak if she has to have a c section - she calls labour unpredictable 

now she knows that things change

and they will go to SCA before the baby is born and come here and have it 

 

To the bolded, I call bullshit. They aren't going anywhere.