Jana's future part 2

[weirdemmaline]

2 hours ago, picklepizzas said:

super ew. please tell me that's not a real thing. 

It is. Rabbit hole I fell down one night years and years back. I don't know if they still exist, but as of 2011-2012 there were at least three or four of them.  

[Grimalkin]

21 hours ago, weirdemmaline said:

It is. Rabbit hole I fell down one night years and years back. I don't know if they still exist, but as of 2011-2012 there were at least three or four of them.  

     I..........I ......may have to search for one of these. Hmmmm. 

[weirdemmaline]

27 minutes ago, Grimalkin said:

     I..........I ......may have to search for one of these. Hmmmm. 

Protip for finding them: they usually use marriage terms rather than anything to do with dating or courting. One I remember was called muslimmatrimonial

[Grimalkin]

9 hours ago, weirdemmaline said:

Protip for finding them: they usually use marriage terms rather than anything to do with dating or courting. One I remember was called muslimmatrimonial

    Lol, I'm a little afraid to look.

[Emme]

Idk that anyone has dating down to quite the science that South Asian folks do. Watch Meet the Patels. I'm shocked that we Jews haven't started making biodata sheets. But I guess Jewish mothers are basically walking biodata sheets. My impulse is to tell the Manhattan/Brooklyn Jews to message me their info so I can set them up....  @OyToTheVey and @justmy2cents I am a walking stereotype. 

[Bethella]

Here's a fun parody of an Indian matrimonial ad.

 

[Shouldabeenacowboy]

20 hours ago, Emme said:

I'm shocked that we Jews haven't started making biodata sheets. 

Don't Orthodox Jews have "shadchans" who have people's CVs to mix and match and arrange dates? Just sayin'.

[Emme]

6 hours ago, Shouldabeenacowboy said:

Don't Orthodox Jews have "shadchans" who have people's CVs to mix and match and arrange dates? Just sayin'.

That's true! But I've never seen them employ biodata sheets. Do they use CVs? I'm not plugged in to the Orthodox world to be honest. I just like the idea of having a sheet to pull out when I'm trying to set up a friend. I'll have to ask around. Most of my orthodox friends either met in college or on Jewish dating websites (my favorite  is Saw You At Sinai.. which does have matchmakers on staff I think) 

[calimojo]

can someone with more knowledge of Gothardism answer this question?  IS it pretty much routine in the cult that every family has a designated SAHD?  I have seen this mentioned a lot in reference to Jana, and I wondered if Gothard built that into his ideal family structure as that would guarantee someone to care for the aging parents and to run the homestead. 

 

And does Gothard teach much about Wills and inheritance?  Is it similar to Edwardian England where the estate goes to the oldest Son?  And that he then decides how much each of the other kids will get? 

[MsSaylor]

I really fear that. I don't want to believe that they would force one of their daughters to never marry and to stay home forever. But that thought always nags at me. I really hope it's not the case. That just seems so cruel. I know the life the others girls have isn't all that spectacular but at least it's something. I can't imagine being forced to never be able to have a romantic relationship. 

[hand holder]

On 9/3/2016 at 4:41 PM, Emme said:

Idk that anyone has dating down to quite the science that South Asian folks do. Watch Meet the Patels. I'm shocked that we Jews haven't started making biodata sheets. But I guess Jewish mothers are basically walking biodata sheets. My impulse is to tell the Manhattan/Brooklyn Jews to message me their info so I can set them up....  @OyToTheVey and @justmy2cents I am a walking stereotype. 

 

I love that movie. I've watched it 3 separate times and each time I love Ravi's parents even more. I nannied for a traditional Indian family who were in the process of matching their niece with someone appropriate. It was honestly all very interesting. 

 

On 9/4/2016 at 1:04 PM, Shouldabeenacowboy said:

Don't Orthodox Jews have "shadchans" who have people's CVs to mix and match and arrange dates? Just sayin'.

 

From what I've experienced, yes. I semi-recently moved to an area with a very very high concentration of Orthodox families and there are "official" matchmakers who are sought out by the family, and there are also other avenues such as friends or mothers that are able to set them up as well.  They almost always have an initial group date with a married couple as chaperones, like the Duggars.  I love all types of fundamentalism so I have some good experience with a wide range of oddities in that regard. 

 

[ksgranola1]

I am convinced there is some background Duggar matchmaking going on. But JB, Jessa & Ben? What were you thinking?

[OyToTheVey]

On 9/3/2016 at 4:41 PM, Emme said:

Idk that anyone has dating down to quite the science that South Asian folks do. Watch Meet the Patels. I'm shocked that we Jews haven't started making biodata sheets. But I guess Jewish mothers are basically walking biodata sheets. My impulse is to tell the Manhattan/Brooklyn Jews to message me their info so I can set them up....  @OyToTheVey and @justmy2cents I am a walking stereotype. 

See my 'problem' is that I'm not very religious. Actually not at all tbh. I want a Jewish guy but one who isn't kosher or keeps Sabbath. I just can't picture celebrating christmas and stuff like that. It's more cultural than religious lol 

12 hours ago, hand holder said:

 

I love that movie. I've watched it 3 separate times and each time I love Ravi's parents even more. I nannied for a traditional Indian family who were in the process of matching their niece with someone appropriate. It was honestly all very interesting. 

 

 

From what I've experienced, yes. I semi-recently moved to an area with a very very high concentration of Orthodox families and there are "official" matchmakers who are sought out by the family, and there are also other avenues such as friends or mothers that are able to set them up as well.  They almost always have an initial group date with a married couple as chaperones, like the Duggars.  I love all types of fundamentalism so I have some good experience with a wide range of oddities in that regard. 

 

My friend is Indian. Wow the things I hear. She finally gave her parents permission to match her. The guy has to find her interesting but it's the girls parents that reply to the ads. They also have to be in the same category or something. It's like the caste system but not really. Even her church is now looking for a guy for her. It really takes a village. She told about all these uncles and dads friends that are keeping her in mind for a good guy. TBH it's all just weird.

[Shouldabeenacowboy]

To be clear, I don't find the friends/family/whoever suggesting possible eligible people that weird. As long as nothing is forced and the people involved have final say/can refuse, I think it's just another way to meet people. Like dating sites, random encounters, shared hobbies, friends turned into relationships, the bar...whatever. I'll say that I am glad I never listened to my mom's helpful suggestions for "eligible bachelors" - none of the people she hinted at would have really worked for me, LOL!

I have friends from time to time who ask me to "hook them up", so to speak, if I know anyone, etc. Relationships, chemistry, feelings are such a personal thing that I would never directly say to Friend A that I would match them with Friend B, and viceversa. However, at times, I make matches in my head, but do not tell the interested parties anything. Instead, I organize small groups social events (dinner at my place, hike, etc.). I'm not going to lie, I may have the very specific intent to match up my two friends, but I take  the approach of: I think you two could hit it off, how about I put you in the same room/table/etc for a couple of hours and leave you two alone to "explore"? 

Sometimes the interested parties hit it off and things develop, sometimes they don't, and there is no harm - everyone spent a pleasant time in a group of friends, no awkwardness, etc. 

[boston2495]

On September 1, 2016 at 4:35 PM, Joyfully Lazy said:

I've lurked here for years but this is my first time posting.

I find Jana's situation makes me particularly angry.  She isn't allowed to move on as an adult because she isn't married.  Her sisters seem to have overtaken her into adulthood because they have husbands.  That concept is ludicrous to me.  Why on earth do you need to be married before you count as an adult in their world?  It's just insulting.

I'm a single woman and yet I've managed to function as an adult.  Why on earth would anyone think that I couldn't?  We live in a world where an increasing number of people choose to remain single.  By the time I was Jana's age I had graduated university, was living entirely independently and had bought my own home.  (With a large mortgage that I'm still paying off but you know what I mean.)  I did all of this without a husband in tow.  Millions of other single women around the world manage the same thing.  I'm happy with my life and my choices.

However all of the options I had just aren't open to someone like Jana.  I know technically she could leave if she chose to but she doesn't have what I had at her age.  I had a family who were always supportive of my choices, whatever they were.  I had the chance to pursue my education.  I had strong female role models who had carved out great lives for themselves as single women.  Jana doesn't have any of these things.  Her family have done the best they can to take away all of her choices.  As far as I'm concerned it's an absolutely awful thing to do to anyone.

Seriously, this x100! @Joyfully Lazy, this is a thought I've had for a while in relation to the older unmarried Duggar kids, particularly Jana, and I couldn't have put it better myself. I too am an unmarried adult woman, just a few years older than Jana, and I often forget that she's not that much younger than me. I mean, it's totally normal and fine for people to live with family members and/or parents at whatever age for various reasons - to save money, work on a degree, or whatever - and it's something that I and many of my friends have done at some point over the years since entering our 20s. However, it's entirely a different scenario, as you've pointed out, to still be at home as a result of your family giving you zero other options with no end in sight until some dude asks you to marry him. I know this is the Duggars we're talking about and that logic and reasoning doesn't factor into most of what they do, but still...I get so mad whenever I see them treating marriage as the sole magical portal into adulthood. There are many things that define adulthood, and marriage can certainly be one of them, but it's not the only one. 

[Shouldabeenacowboy]

1 hour ago, boston2495 said:

I get so mad whenever I see them treating marriage as the sole magical portal into adulthood. There are many things that define adulthood, and marriage can certainly be one of them, but it's not the only one. 

This makes me think of the part of Pride and Prejudice where Lydia, who is as dumb as they come, tells her older sister Jane that she (Lydia) is now a married woman, and therefore Jane must go lower. I can only guess that Austen's intent with this line was to show how idiotic and immature Lydia is - married or not.

When I see Jessa sitting at the table, in her full smugness, trying to match-make her sisters,  especially Jana, and Bin giving Jeremy (or anyone else, for that matter) relationships advice, I cringe and think of the above - marriage neither makes you an adult, nor less dumb! 

At the same time, there is only so much that I can feel sorry for Jana. Yes, she belongs to a family of crazies, but she is an adult, has been out of the house, and has the magic internet password - she must see/know that there are other options out there. 

 

[Emme]

9 hours ago, OyToTheVey said:

See my 'problem' is that I'm not very religious. Actually not at all tbh. I want a Jewish guy but one who isn't kosher or keeps Sabbath. I just can't picture celebrating christmas and stuff like that. It's more cultural than religious lol 

My friend is Indian. Wow the things I hear. She finally gave her parents permission to match her. The guy has to find her interesting but it's the girls parents that reply to the ads. They also have to be in the same category or something. It's like the caste system but not really. Even her church is now looking for a guy for her. It really takes a village. She told about all these uncles and dads friends that are keeping her in mind for a good guy. TBH it's all just weird.

I'm not religious either and also mostly culturally Jewish, so I married a goy. Still got married under a chuppah though, but not by a rabbi. I feel like there are a lot of guys who are also culturally Jewish and basically only want to marry a Jew because they want their kids to be Jewish, so hopefully that'll work out nicely for you. I'll keep my eyes peeled for any Oy To The Vey worthy men! 

[Exjw2015deed]

Has anyone seen this? Jana is getting into real estate.

http://starcasm.net/archives/357150

I wonder what they'll concert the tattoo parlor into. I hope this was really her decision and that she has done it on her own. I'm happy she's investing her money into something.

[Nu2Duggarville]

On ‎8‎/‎25‎/‎2016 at 7:25 PM, ohSparkly1 said:

Jana is my favorite, and I have to wonder (along with many here) whether or not she's being really smart.  The longer she waits the less time she has to spend pregnant.  I get that she's stuck in TTH until then.  Maybe she's waiting for Josie to  hit her teen years and then we'll see Jana cut her hair, throw on some shorts and tap out.
 

One can still hope anyway. I feel for her.  

Like many of you I grew up fundie and grieve for what they all could be instead of what their parents then spouses have chosen for them to be.  It's hard to break out when you don't know you can, when you've been led your entire life to believe that your eternal should is damned if you don't follow the rules and submit to the headship. 

I would also like to think that Jana's just being smart.  However, if she's deliberately delaying marriage & childbirth, couldn't this plan backfire?  I didn't grow up in a fundie community, but I would imagine that a woman becomes less "desirable" or "marketable" to a suitor as she gets older and less fertile.  If Jana wants to get married and is choosing her mate from a pool of fundie/Quiverfull guys, would the fact that she's in her thirties and unable to birth 99 children affect her chances of being courted?  

[ohSparkly1]

1 hour ago, Nu2Duggarville said:

I would also like to think that Jana's just being smart.  However, if she's deliberately delaying marriage & childbirth, couldn't this plan backfire?  I didn't grow up in a fundie community, but I would imagine that a woman becomes less "desirable" or "marketable" to a suitor as she gets older and less fertile.  If Jana wants to get married and is choosing her mate from a pool of fundie/Quiverfull guys, would the fact that she's in her thirties and unable to birth 99 children affect her chances of being courted?  

Quite possibly.  Although I did read a ditty from Pickles about Boob buying commercial property and putting it in her name.  Probably for tax purposes, but one can hope maybe she'll get to open a Christian sewing shop or something that she can use for some real income...of course if she's allowed to actually KEEP any of it, but that's another discussion altogether. 

[bal maiden]

1 hour ago, Exjw2015deed said:

Has anyone seen this? Jana is getting into real estate.

http://starcasm.net/archives/357150

I wonder what they'll concert the tattoo parlor into. I hope this was really her decision and that she has done it on her own. I'm happy she's investing her money into something.

My guess is that her name is on the deed as some kind of Jim Bob tax dodge or similar... I hope to be proven wrong though, and that it is actually Jana doing something exciting. 

[tabitha2]

Maybe If Jana ever goes to Britain again and visits BP Prince Harry will be smitten    

[clueliss]

I believe Jana and that real estate issue was discussed either in this thread or the main Duggar thread prior to this.  So when I saw it on my newsfeed from Pickles I may have thought wow are you late to that one.  

[infooverload]

Just interesting they would buy a property containing a tattoo and piercing palor. A far departure from when they wouldn't sell alcohol in their convenience store years ago. Then there is the aspect of would they trust her to go collect the rent from less conservative members of society. Could you imagine the antics though one would be tempted to do if they knew Jim Bob was coming to collect the rent.

[foreign fundie]

On 9/8/2016 at 11:38 PM, tabitha2 said:

Maybe If Jana ever goes to Britain again and visits BP Prince Harry will be smitten    

Yes, the right age and I see so many story lines. Camilla and Michelle going shopping for the wedding outfit. Charles and Jim Bob discussing courtship rules, interrupted with flasbacks of Harry playing pool with no clothes. Facetime with the queen. William and Kate visit and eat chickenetti from paper plates. The howlers explore Buckingham palace. JD takes on Harry when he gives a 90° hug instead of a 180° one. Kate gives the J-slaves fashion advice. Harry introduces his new brothers-in-law to his Iraq buddies and they go shooting together. Jim Bob goes on a fox hunt. 

But all that would mean the show could get actually worth watching, heaven forbid.