Jana's future part 2

[RandomNoob]

I have a theory, and of course it's wild speculation I have no real basis for.  I think it's possible that she may be delaying marriage as a form of limiting how many kids she ends up having- as has been discussed here- but that she may not realize she's subconsciously doing it.  Maybe she really does think that she's waiting for a Prince Charming who's taking his sweet time to show up.

I did something kinda similar once, so I may be projecting, but I still think it's a possibility.

[Bim]

^^ Honestly thats probably the most likely. They have said that the girls have gotten lots of requests to court that they've turned down so there must have been some for Jana (besides she's the most beautiful imo).

She probably just keeps rejecting because subconsciously she's terrified or living like her parents. She's already raised 16 kids why would she want anymore?

[jqlgoblue]

I have said this before (I think) but my take on Jana is she is very responsible and so very busy (and getting busier by the year). I think her mind is on the kids and so she hasn't 'made space' for someone in her life. This could also be me projecting

She could also be in the 'broken' category with Jinger and then you've got to be cautious b/c you're likely to end up with a controlling guy. She may want the kids but not the controlling guy and I think that is likely who she is getting offers from. See Jinger ('broken') vs. Jill or Jessa (both confident).

[seraaa]

12 hours ago, RandomNoob said:

I have a theory, and of course it's wild speculation I have no real basis for.  I think it's possible that she may be delaying marriage as a form of limiting how many kids she ends up having- as has been discussed here- but that she may not realize she's subconsciously doing it.  Maybe she really does think that she's waiting for a Prince Charming who's taking his sweet time to show up.

I did something kinda similar once, so I may be projecting, but I still think it's a possibility.

Totally. If she thinks she doesn't have any other options, she may be subconsciously delaying the inevitable. But who knows.

[Hera]

My take on it is that Jana isn't married yet because no one has come along that made her want to change/give up/alter her life and she's one of the few fundie women who has the ability to be picky.

I grew up surrounded by religious (very conservative, but not really fundie) people who got marred young. Most of the time it didn't work out, but the reasons they had were: (1) pregnancy; (2) so in love; (3) church approved sex; (4) it's what they were supposed to do/check off the life box; (5) nothing else to do/no further life plan. I think Jana's holding out for real love. 

Pregnancy isn't an issue for Jana. As for sex, from what she's said, none of the potential men she's met have really interested her enough to make her want to court them.  Hopefully, that means she's wise (or practical) enough not to marry the first dude who made her lady bits flutter.

I also don't think checking the Life Box, not having anything else to do with her life or seeking fulfillment are motivators for Jana to get married. Unlike her sisters, Jana isn't just sitting around waiting on Mr. Right.  Since Michelle checked out years ago, Jana actually has the responsibility of running a very large household with less and less help as her sisters get married.  (Those middle boys sure as shit aren't doing anything to help.) Sure, it gets a bit easier as the kids get older, but there's still cooking, cleaning, groceries, household budgeting, filming and other activity scheduling, and around 12 or so actual kids that need overseeing, educating, guidance etc.  Being a SAHM is a job. Multiply that times 12 with no breaks. The woman Iikely doesn't have a lot of time on her hands to court someone just to court.

And, she may not really want to. JB and M have dumped all this responsibility on her and realistically, who is going to do all of that if Jana leaves?  I'd imagine it'd take somebody special to make Jana want to put him before her entire family (her POV, not mine). So I don't think she is looking to get married to give her life purpose, fulfillment and direction; it already does. 

Frankly, when it's all said and done, if Jana ever does get married (and she probably will given the cult she's been raised in), I think Jana will have given more thought to who she wants as a partner and done more mate screening than any of her siblings to date.  Hopefully, then, she will get married just because she wants to marry that person.  Not to "righteously fulfill her urges" with the first person who tickles her pickle (Josh and Jessa), not because it's what she's supposed to do now to be a perfect daughter (Jill) and not because there's really nothing else for her to do, so what the fuck, why not. (Jinger). 

I say good for her! 

[paulypepper]

I see Jana as a strong woman who is not going to follow in the footsteps no matter what anyone thinks, and I have much praise for that. While we can all speculate on how she feels or is treated I think in the end she is going to do and is doing what she wants to do, and we will see whom she really is and wants to be down the line.

[Coconut Flan]

I think, taking Jana at her word, that it's going to take quite awhile.  Jim Bob favors the ministry/pastory types and Jana has said she wants a guy who works and not in an office. The two don't mesh up in their world very well.  Jana may need to go visit Kelly Bates awhile to find a guy.  The Bateses seem to do a better job of finding workers. 

[Hera]

8 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

I think, taking Jana at her word, that it's going to take quite awhile.  Jim Bob favors the ministry/pastory types and Jana has said she wants a guy who works and not in an office. The two don't mesh up in their world very well.  Jana may need to go visit Kelly Bates awhile to find a guy.  The Bateses seem to do a better job of finding workers. 

Good point!  Unfortunately for his forbidden from working, uneducated and broodmare daughters, JB seems so easily swayed by potential suitors sucking up to him than their actual work ethic and earning potential, not to mention that the current Duggar famewhore train doesn't seem like the lifestyle that would  attract particularly hard workers.  It's no surprise that Derrick, Ben and now Jinger's dude all want to be preachers or ministers or some other kind of "fundie famous" as opposed to say, farmers or business owners or anyone else with an actual, you know, job and all.  (And yes, I know that preaching can be a real job, but the way these people do it, it's basically asking for money to do little to nothing.)

Good for Jana for at least dreaming of someone more financially stable and more willing to actually work.

[Queen]

I just hope that if she truly wants to marry someone, she'll find that person. If she doesn't want to, may she not feel pressured by her environment. 

I wonder if fundies will ever realize that (monogamus, heterosexual) marriage is not for everyone. Some people prefer just living together, some prefer more relaxed dating, some prefer casual sex, some prefer multiple partners and some (aromantic and/or asexual) prefer no partner(s) or no sex at all. We can't all procreate like bunnies...   Apparently it's more important to create millions of miserable fundie babies, than to ever give these children choices. ;(

[Purrl]

Haha! I love this guy! He has my blessing.  

 

[Audrey2]

1 hour ago, Purrl said:

Haha! I love this guy! He has my blessing.  

I'm actually laughing so hard that I'm crying. We need a time machine, because I could see Chris Farley and Adam Sandler turning it into a Saturday Night Live sketch in the early 90's. This guy really channelled Chris Farley.

[HermioneSparrow]

On 30/8/2016 at 11:47 AM, Coconut Flan said:

I think, taking Jana at her word, that it's going to take quite awhile.  Jim Bob favors the ministry/pastory types and Jana has said she wants a guy who works and not in an office. The two don't mesh up in their world very well.  Jana may need to go visit Kelly Bates awhile to find a guy.  The Bateses seem to do a better job of finding workers. 

Me thinks Jana wants a Chad Paine. I hope she gets one, in the cult is the best she can do.

[Chickenbutt]

I think someone should start a fundie dating site. Isn't there JDate, or something like that? Christian Mingle? Seems like there is a dating site for every flavor out there, why not a fundie site?

 

[December]

14 minutes ago, Chickenbutt said:

I think someone should start a fundie dating site. Isn't there JDate, or something like that? Christian Mingle? Seems like there is a dating site for every flavor out there, why not a fundie site?

I'd think some of the appeal of dating sites would be lost on fundies. It'd be more like LinkedIn, with fundie patriarchs connecting with other fundie patriarchs to see if they have any appropriately qualified potential mates for their children! 

[Chickenbutt]

10 minutes ago, December said:

I'd think some of the appeal of dating sites would be lost on fundies. It'd be more like LinkedIn, with fundie patriarchs connecting with other fundie patriarchs to see if they have any appropriately qualified potential mates for their children! 

Or they could be like ebay and auction their daughters off.

(I know that was in bad taste, but fundie dating rituals are in bad taste too.)

[jqlgoblue]

I dunno if a dating site would work. At one point I was on JDate and then started going to young adult events at the Synagogue and it was all the same people! I live in a pretty big city with a sizable Jewish population but it's definitely not NYC. Luckily I was willing to date non-Jews.

I suspect the same thing would happen for IBLP/ATI. If they are willing to go further afield then a super fundie site could work, but I venture to guess that Derick and Ben wouldn't have looked as appealing online. An accountant/missionary? A Calvanist? both unlikely to make it through the initial filters... 

[Bim]

1 hour ago, Chickenbutt said:

Or they could be like ebay and auction their daughters off.

(I know that was in bad taste, but fundie dating rituals are in bad taste too.)

I'm honestly so surprised they don't have more arranged marriages in the fundie world. Or at least be more up front about it.

[weirdemmaline]

I have a feeling that a fundie "dating" site would be a lot like a muslim dating/marriage site, where there's men creating their own profiles and then fathers creating profiles for their daughters.

[OyToTheVey]

10 hours ago, jqlgoblue said:

I dunno if a dating site would work. At one point I was on JDate and then started going to young adult events at the Synagogue and it was all the same people! I live in a pretty big city with a sizable Jewish population but it's definitely not NYC. Luckily I was willing to date non-Jews.

I suspect the same thing would happen for IBLP/ATI. If they are willing to go further afield then a super fundie site could work, but I venture to guess that Derick and Ben wouldn't have looked as appealing online. An accountant/missionary? A Calvanist? both unlikely to make it through the initial filters... 

I went to a few JDate type events and I'm in Brooklyn. It's still the same people over and over again! And let me tell ya it's slim pickings over here too. I don't understand which moms basement these guys came up from. It's like that episode of Big Bang Theory where they go to the comic book store once a week so that their moms can change the sheets. I also get the 'my son is such a nice boy' lecture.

[justmy2cents]

1 hour ago, OyToTheVey said:

I went to a few JDate type events and I'm in Brooklyn. It's still the same people over and over again! And let me tell ya it's slim pickings over here too. I don't understand which moms basement these guys came up from. It's like that episode of Big Bang Theory where they go to the comic book store once a week so that their moms can change the sheets. I also get the 'my son is such a nice boy' lecture.

Have you done speed dating?  I did 8 minute dating in nyc.  Fun times.  Ran into an ex who tried to explain for the full 8 minutes why he stopped calling me rather than ending things like a grown up (he said it was because I wanted kids and he didn't.) At the very least it can be amusing.

I think fundies don't do things like that because they all mingle at Big Sandy already or know each other through friends.

[3KidsAndStopped]

I can't help but wonder if Jana doesn't marry to free her younger siblings...ok, they're only pseudo real world free by marrying, but because Jana stays as sister mum, her younger sisters are able to fly the nest and not be held back for parenting duties. Just a ponderance

[jqlgoblue]

Oh Jewish mothers and their boys! I found a lot of the guys on JDate were on it b/c their mother insisted on paying for it for them. They would often say as much. Like, "Hey I'm cool but I'm only on here b/c my momma made me" -- uh, what? those comments definitely did not help the situation.

[ksgranola1]

The  courting vid: Hilarious!

[Joyfully Lazy]

I've lurked here for years but this is my first time posting.

I find Jana's situation makes me particularly angry.  She isn't allowed to move on as an adult because she isn't married.  Her sisters seem to have overtaken her into adulthood because they have husbands.  That concept is ludicrous to me.  Why on earth do you need to be married before you count as an adult in their world?  It's just insulting.

I'm a single woman and yet I've managed to function as an adult.  Why on earth would anyone think that I couldn't?  We live in a world where an increasing number of people choose to remain single.  By the time I was Jana's age I had graduated university, was living entirely independently and had bought my own home.  (With a large mortgage that I'm still paying off but you know what I mean.)  I did all of this without a husband in tow.  Millions of other single women around the world manage the same thing.  I'm happy with my life and my choices.

However all of the options I had just aren't open to someone like Jana.  I know technically she could leave if she chose to but she doesn't have what I had at her age.  I had a family who were always supportive of my choices, whatever they were.  I had the chance to pursue my education.  I had strong female role models who had carved out great lives for themselves as single women.  Jana doesn't have any of these things.  Her family have done the best they can to take away all of her choices.  As far as I'm concerned it's an absolutely awful thing to do to anyone.

[picklepizzas]

21 hours ago, weirdemmaline said:

I have a feeling that a fundie "dating" site would be a lot like a muslim dating/marriage site, where there's men creating their own profiles and then fathers creating profiles for their daughters.

super ew. please tell me that's not a real thing.