Alyssa & John - light dessert reception.

[itsnikki05]

They're just not serving a full meal.

[itsnikki05]

Desert receptions seem to be the new thing in my area of young LDS church receptions. They usually have a chocolate fountain as the centerpiece, then some various cookies, cake bars and other small desert plates on the main table and then on the sides there are candy stations.

I like them better then they old tiny finger sandwiches and punch they was the norm for years.

I agree! We did cold cuts and let people make their own sandwiches! It was a hit! (As was the grooms cake. Hubby's aunt made it and it had these liquor soaked cherries on top. We had it at the local church of Christ. I found that amusing)

[ThisOlGirl]

Ask and you shall receive:

Well, I know what my nightmares are going to look like tonight.

[acheronbeach]

I'm gonna go against the grain and say I would probably never do a dessert reception. The Chinese in me says if there's a wedding reception, it requires a meal! Plus, my Italian husband demands that we overfeed the guests! I wouldn't have minded an elopement in Vegas but when a wedding reception was decided, there was no argument (from either side) that this would be a sit down dinner. When we went to China to meet the relatives, we went through several expensive lunch and dinner receptions. It would have been rude for them not to offer and rude for us to refuse. We all simply got very fat. Food is just integral to some cultures.....

[micatite]

My husband and I didn't have a lot of money when we got married so we had a brunch instead of a dinner. A lot of our non-Christian relatives gossiped about us for months afterward b/c they thought it was tacky, especially since we didn't serve alcohol (partly b/c our church frowned on it and partly to save money).

If it makes you feel any better, pretty much everybody I know would be all over brunch like powdered sugar on a doughnut. Breakfast food = The Yum!

I do feel that the Wedding Industrial Complex in the US has spun out of control

It really has. By intentionally feeding fantasies of 'perfect days' and 'princess for a day' and fibbing about 'this is how it always was/so it must ever be' or 'the best day of your life' will be ruined forever. I was reading All Dressed in White: The Irresistible Rise of the American Wedding by Carol Wallace and it really pointed out how weddings used to be very private affairs: Boy, Girl, Minister or JP in somebody's front parlor, everyone wore their best duds (whatever they were) and maybe somebody baked a cake, and how what we now recognize as the 'traditional' white wedding is pretty much all recently developed (as in the last 150 years or so) and specifically designed for the purpose of making someone else a carload of money. Diamond ring? Check. Bridal Registry? Check. Engraved/printed invitations? Check. Elaborate reception? Check. As in you'll be writing them to the jeweler, the department store, the printers, the caterer, etc.

[nokidsmom]

Oh yeah, I agree that the Wedding Industrial Complex has gotten totally out of hand. My sisters married 10 and 14 years after I did, and the list of so called "must dos" increased considerably even by then. And that was in the 90s.

The last wedding I stood up for was as Matron of Honor to my sister. The other day I read the list of the duties of the Maid / Matron of Honor from some wedding site and let's just say I failed in my duties miserably according to the WIC (wedding industrial complex) standards.

[Irishy]

You could classy up this 'light dessert' idea by calling it Afternoon Tea. Don't fundies love all things English and old fashioned? Serve wedding cake and beautiful tiny desserts and delicious sandwiches with TEA! Gorgeous china cups and saucers, tiered cake plates and a cutesy silver tongs for your sugar cubes. Maybe some coffee too. Cake and sweet things do not go with punch. Yuck. It's like having a snickers with a can of coke. It's appealing to a ten year old, but just thinking about it makes my teeth hurt. Chocolate fountains are naff as can be.

For non fundies, a glass of champagne is a nice addition to afternoon tea.

On this side of the Atlantic, weddings mean food, drink, dancing and more food. Then more drink. And more still.

[amster]

I am in the process of organising my wedding as we speak. I wish we could do a light dessert reception rather than the full-on affair we are having. However, my parents are paying for it, so my traditional mother gets to have her say. Not that we are doing everything she wants. She could hardly speak to me for weeks when we told her we weren't getting married in a church.

I say Alyssa should do whatever makes her and John happy. And stuff everyone else.

[16strong]

Weddings now are insane. When/if I get married, I'm having a simple courthouse ceremony with a simple tea-length dress (not white) I can wear again. For food, I want to invite friends and family over for a barbeque. Lots of food. Good food. Then, spend the money I saved on a super awesome honeymoon.

[divadivine]

I really hope they don't have a chocolate fountain. With all the little howler monkeys one of them is bound to put their fingers in the chocolate & yuck! You've contaminated all the chocolate.

I say this because I work for a large non-profit & we have huge conventions/events. My former coworker had a chocolate fountain at her first event- not her choice- she was hired after the event had been planned. In fact, her first day on the job was the first day of the convention. Anyhow, big dessert reception at the convention with 500+ people in attendance. One of our adult leaders puts his finger in the stream of chocolate in the fountain 10 minutes into the event. My friend sees him & immediately pulls the plug on the fountain and has the hotel staff pull it from the room. The guy looks at her & asks why she shut it down. She looked at him & says "Because you just contaminated the whole thing!" He was like "What do you mean?" She said "You put your finger in the fountain. I can't risk anyone getting sick." He still didn't get it. I can see the howler monkeys (any one of the bajillion fundie children in attendance) putting their fingers in the chocolate immediately. Since no one watches them, no one would tell them no or take the fountain away. Everyone would end up with some ailment.

We haven't had a fountain at any event since the chocolate fountain incident. Any time it is mentioned, someone immediately reminds them of the chocolate fountain incident. It's been 6 years & no one has forgotten.

[nausicaa]

I am in the process of organising my wedding as we speak. I wish we could do a light dessert reception rather than the full-on affair we are having. However, my parents are paying for it, so my traditional mother gets to have her say. Not that we are doing everything she wants. She could hardly speak to me for weeks when we told her we weren't getting married in a church.

I say Alyssa should do whatever makes her and John happy. And stuff everyone else.

I agree with you about 95% on your last statement, except for one thing. When one is hosting a party, it is incumbent upon the host to consider the guests' comfort somewhat. I'm not saying that translates into a lobster dinner and a cigar bar, but if the ceremony will be long there should be some food (not necessarily a meal) served afterward, there should be enough places for everyone to sit comfortably, and people shouldn't feel pressured into giving gifts/cash/honeymoon donations or feel that they've only been invited for that reason.

Those are my only concerns with how Alyssa's wedding is being organized (from the few details I've gotten, I will totally cop to the fact that I'm wildly speculating here). I suspect that this might be a two hour long Baptist Bible-preachin' ceremony with all the trimmings of a huge white wedding (princess gown, tons of bridesmaids and groomsmen, long wait to see the bride and groom after the ceremony while they have their pictures taken), but if the guests only get a Dixie cup of punch and a handful of dinner mints, I think that's sorta messed up. Obviously John and Alyssa are adults and can do whatever they want, but I think criticizing them for that is a bit different than making fun of someone's choice of wedding colors or level of formality.

[GeoBQn]

I agree with you about 95% on your last statement, except for one thing. When one is hosting a party, it is incumbent upon the host to consider the guests' comfort somewhat. I'm not saying that translates into a lobster dinner and a cigar bar, but if the ceremony will be long there should be some food (not necessarily a meal) served afterward, there should be enough places for everyone to sit comfortably, and people shouldn't feel pressured into giving gifts/cash/honeymoon donations or feel that they've only been invited for that reason.

I expect Alyssa's wedding will have a repeat of Erin's wedding, when they passed around a collection plate to pay for the honeymoon.

[Georgiana]

I agree with you about 95% on your last statement, except for one thing. When one is hosting a party, it is incumbent upon the host to consider the guests' comfort somewhat. I'm not saying that translates into a lobster dinner and a cigar bar, but if the ceremony will be long there should be some food (not necessarily a meal) served afterward, there should be enough places for everyone to sit comfortably, and people shouldn't feel pressured into giving gifts/cash/honeymoon donations or feel that they've only been invited for that reason.

Those are my only concerns with how Alyssa's wedding is being organized (from the few details I've gotten, I will totally cop to the fact that I'm wildly speculating here). I suspect that this might be a two hour long Baptist Bible-preachin' ceremony with all the trimmings of a huge white wedding (princess gown, tons of bridesmaids and groomsmen, long wait to see the bride and groom after the ceremony while they have their pictures taken), but if the guests only get a Dixie cup of punch and a handful of dinner mints, I think that's sorta messed up. Obviously John and Alyssa are adults and can do whatever they want, but I think criticizing them for that is a bit different than making fun of someone's choice of wedding colors or level of formality.

The time is also important. If you do the wedding at such a time as the guests can be reasonably expected to feed themselves meals, then not providing a meal is fine. However, you should not inconvenience your guests or make them starve simply because you are too cheap. If the ceremony/reception cover a meal time, you should feed them that meal.

So if the wedding starts at 12:30 and the reception finishes at 6:00, this is totally appropriate. Or if the wedding starts at 7:00PM.

But if she starts her ceremony between 4-6, it isn't really appropriate to make your guests wait hours for their dinner and not feed them.

[Coconut Flan]

I think one to two pm is a popular time with them for weddings. One might rush the attendees a little on getting fed and dressed, but then the guests at the fundie weddings so far haven't pushed themselves to get very dressed up.

[Earthshine]

I think one to two pm is a popular time with them for weddings. One might rush the attendees a little on getting fed and dressed, but then the guests at the fundie weddings so far haven't pushed themselves to get very dressed up.

Oh come on now, be fair! Josh wore his best jeans to Erin and Chad's wedding! :lol:

[Arete]

I hear you, I'm Greek, and it is an iron clad rule that wedding guests are feed and watered. :D. And we are definitely judged on the quality of the meze, wine, and music.

I still think a dessert reception is a nice idea for a short get together that is also budget friendly and nicer than rolled up cold cuts. But I would TOTALLY judge the quality of the desserts before pronouncing it good. ;)

[feministxtian]

I still like my wedding. We got up in the morning, got the license, went to the JOP, got hitched, had a champagne toast at my mother's house then went out for a late lunch. We went back to our place for "legal" sex and then I went to work. 16 years later...

[YPestis]

And yeah I agree with the PP a lot of judgement about weddings on FJ...as in real life. I couldn't believe how everyone had an opinion about weddings when I got engaged and people will judge you for EVERYTHING.

I think a dessert reception is a great idea!

Can't wait to see photos!

Wedding complaints goes both ways. It's too cheap, people get snooty, it's too expensive, people get snooty. I think people in general like to judge each other on common rites of passage: natural vs epidural, cloth vs disposable, private vs public schools etc. In today's society, we have so many choices that we can't help but compare ourselves to others (and vice versa).

I had a traditional, "expensive" wedding (it was $20k+). We got really great reviews for our wedding. Food was great and plentiful. Music was awesome. Decorations and reception site also got excellent kudos. There wasn't anything to complain about.

Or so I thought.

When hubby's brother started planning his wedding and decided on a substantially cheaper wedding, he made snide remarks about our "wasteful" spending, implying he was smarter by cutting costs on the wedding to spend on his honeymoon. Of course, his decision to save money also meant moderate inconvenience to his long-distance guests flying in. I didn't think BIL was all that smart with his money saving ideas. If saving money making guests' stay more difficult.....is that really a smart move? (and why bother inviting guests?)

BIL's comparison was also dumb since my husband alone made more than twice as much as BIL and his wife combined (and my parents were better off economically than his wife's parents). We had a more expensive wedding but we could afford to. We didn't spend on credit. It didn't affect our ability to buy a house or a car to go the honeymoon of our choice. We had more resources and so opted to spend more. It doesn't matter that we had the nice, traditional wedding within our reasonable budget that made everyone happy. There will always be complaints from someone that it was done WRONG. ;)

I think with weddings, it doesn't matter how one does it, people will pass judgment. What I learned is the only thing couples can do is plan a wedding that makes them happy, keeps their guests satisfied, and come under a reasonable budget.

[Smoochie]

If I ever get married it will be a island destination wedding, everyone is welcome, no gifts necessary and pay your own way ... I recognize not for everyone, but I'm not big on formal. My sister, most of my friends and cousins had what we call normal weddings - 100 - 150 guests, light refreshments between church and reception, 3-4 course sit down dinner, dancing to band or DJ, cake, sweet table & coffee around 11:00. Nothing extreme, but probably all in $10,000 - $15,000 depending (quite a few years ago).

My one cousin in the US got married and her parents said, we'll give you $10,000 for a down payment on a house and have a small afternoon wedding, church reception and BBQ blowout for family & closest friends around the pool, or a big wedding. She chose the afternoon wedding and honestly, it was one of the best weddings I've ever been too, we had a blast. Did the formal wedding stuff, pictures, cake, toasts, light reception of finger foods and sweets, approx. 80 guests, took 3 hours. Then about 50 of us hit my aunts house, changed into swimsuits, had a BBQ, swam and danced all night long around the pool.

[scc12]

It could be the Bates are going to have an after wedding party ,and or dinner at their house,just for very close friends and family.yes some do not get invited,but I have to say,I wasn't offended when that happened at my cousin's wedding.They should all be able to get together on their on,after it's over.

They did had a very nice,light buffet at the wedding though.Mainly fruit and finger foods.

[scc12]

If it makes you feel any better, pretty much everybody I know would be all over brunch like powdered sugar on a doughnut. Breakfast food = The Yum!

that reminds me of those doughnut cakes some do for their wedding nowadays.I think the cupcake version is fine,not sure how I would like d-nuts though.

[16strong]

If it makes you feel any better, pretty much everybody I know would be all over brunch like powdered sugar on a doughnut. Breakfast food = The Yum!

Ain't nothin' wrong with a brunch reception. Breakfast foods are the shit, and I would much prefer that to a dessert reception or the weird little hors d'oeuvres I regularly encounter at most weddings.

[Iokaste]

Someone recently pointed out to me that the elaborateness of weddings vs. socioeconomic class feels like it has been flipped in recent decades in the US.

50 years ago it was the stereotype that the "upper class" had big fancy weddings; the "lower class" (and/or the suddenly pregnant) went to the courthouse.

Now, it feels like the reverse is the norm: The older, wealthier, better educated have smaller, restrained weddings, and the lower class have giant glitzy affairs.

Personally, I'd rather attend a nice dessert reception (esp. when I've been told in advance) than a half-assed appetizer spread.

Isn't this a pretty common way for trends to "flip" with time, the lower classes imitating the upper classes?

Here as soon as a name is used by the Royal family you can be sure that it pops up on the equivalent to "16 and pregnant", and the "educated class" will stay a thousand miles away from it.

A certain brand is all the rage one year, the next people will bring home fakes from vacation and it will be seen as the hight of "tackiness" to own even a real Louis Vuitton bag or whatever.

[flojo]

Oh they're getting married on my birthday. Now I know how many days it is until my birthday! :D

Haha - that's how I remember Lina's birthday.

[nelliebelle1197]

Simple receptions are very normal for both some sections of the south and many Baptist/fundie groups. I live in Cali, but none of the Baptists that I know here have had more than a dessert reception. Growing up in the south I didn't see a full meal reception there and didn't see one until after we left.

We grew up in very different Souths! I never heard of this sort of thing and my mom's family was very social and actually helped THROW weddings for people.