Alyssa & John - light dessert reception.

[fun2beme]

I agree with the idea of simplicity for weddings and receptions. I don't know anyone who looked back and said "wow, I'm so glad I spent thousands on my wedding and wish I spent more" but that could just be my friends and family.

It's sad that in this day and age, doing something simple that used to be the norm is now considered to be somewhat tacky and cheap, especially if the couple is young and/or can't afford to host an elaborate event, or don't want their parents to fork over such a large amount.

[nausicaa]

I agree with the idea of simplicity for weddings and receptions. I don't know anyone who looked back and said "wow, I'm so glad I spent thousands on my wedding and wish I spent more" but that could just be my friends and family.

It's sad that in this day and age, doing something simple that used to be the norm is now considered to be somewhat tacky and cheap, especially if the couple is young and/or can't afford to host an elaborate event, or don't want their parents to fork over such a large amount.

Is having 500 guests simple?

[docmom]

I guess the big difference between the fundie mega-ceremony, low budget reception and what I wanted (and got) for my wedding was fun. I wanted my wedding to be fun, for me and my husband, and for all the guests. So, open bar and lots of dancing and buses back to the hotel for the slightly worse for wear guests- a real Scottish ceilidh and it was great fun. You can have fun at a relatively low cost BTW. I'm guessing this wedding will be precious and uplifting and things will be laid on hearts but it probably won't be much fun.

[scc12]

I agree with the idea of simplicity for weddings and receptions. I don't know anyone who looked back and said "wow, I'm so glad I spent thousands on my wedding and wish I spent more" but that could just be my friends and family.

It's sad that in this day and age, doing something simple that used to be the norm is now considered to be somewhat tacky and cheap, especially if the couple is young and/or can't afford to host an elaborate event, or don't want their parents to fork over such a large amount.

I agree,and mine didn't like my fiancé and didn't want me to marry him,so they just simply thought I wouldn't if they didn't throw me even the most simplest of weddings like my sister had.So we eloped in another state,and they couldn't figure out why we didn't tell them we were going to get married.Seriously? Because we wanted to go in peace and not have a huge argument erupt from it.And that's the way it went.

I still hate to this day when someone brings up that we did that.

And then my mom fussed bc we got married in a wedding chapel and not a church. @@ why would we go to a church to elope?

I thought God was everywhere?

sry.just venting.LOL

[scc12]

I guess the big difference between the fundie mega-ceremony, low budget reception and what I wanted (and got) for my wedding was fun. I wanted my wedding to be fun, for me and my husband, and for all the guests. So, open bar and lots of dancing and buses back to the hotel for the slightly worse for wear guests- a real Scottish ceilidh and it was great fun. You can have fun at a relatively low cost BTW. I'm guessing this wedding will be precious and uplifting and things will be laid on hearts but it probably won't be much fun.

that's the most fun that fundies get to have,so sadly.I don't think they'll know the difference.

it'll be time to get on w the babymaking once the wedding is over anyway.

[ThatSnark]

Put me on the "way better than cold cuts" list. It's not uncommon at all in the South, especially in the no drinking, no dancing churches. My cousin's wedding had a dessert reception: receiving line at the back of the church, file into the church hall to laugh at the groom's cake, ooh and ahh over the wedding cake, fill a little plate with finger desserts while you wait for the cakes to be cut, and line up to catch the bouquet before the happy couple drives away. The whole wedding can be done inside of three hours that way, and in my cousin's case, they had a plane to catch. It wasn't bad at all. He would never had heard the end of cold cuts, anyway, so it was a good choice.

[Rebelwife]

Hobby Lobby seems to be a lot like Michaels and Jo-Ann Fabrics - art & craft supplies, fabric, scrapbooking stuff out the ears. HL adds small furniture, insane amounts of picture frames, and knick-knacky home decor. Our Hobby Lobby has some small furniture, but not a lot as I recall, also lots of decorative pillows and such. Not sure what the quality is like on the furniture, but the few things I looked at seemed grossly overpriced, unless it was on clearance. Throw pillows for $99??!!?? (I think their pricing is a little deceptive, though - certain fabrics are always 30% off the marked price, for example. And of course there's always a 40% off coupon in the paper.

It must vary from store to store, ours has tons of small furniture pieces. I certainly wouldn't buy real furniture there (actually I try not to shop there at all out of principle) but if you need a small table to put a plant on, say, or a lamp or to get something framed they are not too bad. There's a lot of really tacky-ass stuff, but there are generally a few relatively plain things as well.

Also lots of baskets and things like that - things that can be useful when you are starting from zero but can add up really fast when you go to buy them.

[slickcat79]

They have some kind of random things on their wedding registry:

-stainless steel travel coffee mug

-4-toothbrush holder from the kids' section

-shower curtain rod (is the house not finished?)

-$80 inkjet printer

-"metal circles"...for decorating?

Not necessarily snarking, just raising an eyebrow :evil-eye: I think it would be easy to go NUTS with the registry listing in a place like Target.

[Ralar]

I want to know what the baloney on a stick is too! Is it like a hot dog on a stick, cause I would LOVE to see pics of fundies with their mouths wrapped around a corndog, if ya know what I mean!

Ask and you shall receive:

[Aurora rising]

I´m not a wedding snob, but cakes only??? No way, our families would have killed us. My husband is turkish so going light regarding the food is a no-go. But he knows somebody (he always knows somebody....) who did catering and they did a wonderful (vegetarian) job - soup, bread, the whole world of "mezze", lots of sweets afterwards and of course turkish tea and wine. We had 60 guests and only two people serving.

The only problem: I had to talk to so many people that I was not able to try the food (but our nice serving guy prepared a package for me for the way home- won.der.ful!). I was driving home in my wedding dress, barfoot, eating turkish food. Best wedding ever! :lol:

[Coconut Flan]

Simple receptions are very normal for both some sections of the south and many Baptist/fundie groups. I live in Cali, but none of the Baptists that I know here have had more than a dessert reception. Growing up in the south I didn't see a full meal reception there and didn't see one until after we left.

[PennySycamore]

They have some kind of random things on their wedding registry:

-stainless steel travel coffee mug

-4-toothbrush holder from the kids' section

-shower curtain rod (is the house not finished?)

-$80 inkjet printer

-"metal circles"...for decorating?

Not necessarily snarking, just raising an eyebrow :evil-eye: I think it would be easy to go NUTS with the registry listing in a place like Target.

I've got the identical soap pump from Target that John and Alyssa have on their registry. I got a little tired of the metal pumps getting all gunky (although that seems to have settled down now) and the color of the pump matches some of the other stuff in the bathroom.

I noticed that there were no dishes/china or silverware on the Dillard's registry. I thought that's what you registered at Dillard's for. In fact, they didn't register for many dishes at Target either. I did notice that they registered for two Keurig accessories (pod holder and pods), but no brewer, but they did register for a French press. Those Keurig pods won't be much good in a French press.

Not done much ironing, have you Alyssa? If you'd gotten a decently heavy iron, its weight would have done most of the work for you. If you get a lightweight iron, you have to press down harder and even then it doesn't do as good a job getting out wrinkles.

Penny -veteran ironer and inheritor of Mom's heavy old GE iron (did have nicely heavy Rowenta that I loaned to my dd.)

[nokidsmom]

I agree,and mine didn't like my fiancé and didn't want me to marry him,so they just simply thought I wouldn't if they didn't throw me even the most simplest of weddings like my sister had.So we eloped in another state,and they couldn't figure out why we didn't tell them we were going to get married.Seriously? Because we wanted to go in peace and not have a huge argument erupt from it.And that's the way it went.

I still hate to this day when someone brings up that we did that.

And then my mom fussed bc we got married in a wedding chapel and not a church. @@ why would we go to a church to elope?

I thought God was everywhere?

sry.just venting.LOL

Nah, no worries as far as I am concerned. You can vent.

Looking back I wish I had eloped or at the very least insisted on a smaller wedding that Mr. No and I paid for. We had around 100 guests so not real big but not small either as far as our own family wedding traditions go. But my somewhat Maxwellian parents had a very, very hard time with my getting married and it showed in the wedding planning. Wanting to do things their way because they were paying and just making the whole business more difficult for both of us. Honestly, down deep I think they were hoping that somehow I would just call things off from the sheer stress so they could keep their little girl.

OK, rant off.

[micatite]

Not done much ironing, have you Alyssa? If you'd gotten a decently heavy iron, its weight would have done most of the work for you. If you get a lightweight iron, you have to press down harder and even then it doesn't do as good a job getting out wrinkles.

Penny -veteran ironer and inheritor of Mom's heavy old GE iron (did have nicely heavy Rowenta that I loaned to my dd.)

To true...which is why I was delighted when my dad was able to wire (safely...he's an engineer) a new cord to replace one that had come loose (my mom had jerked it out of the wall socket by pulling on the cord, not the plug, and it loosened) on the spendy heavy-as-hell iron that I was gifted as a aparment-warming present by a friend's mother. I loathe ironing, but sometimes, even in a perma-press world, you have to iron stuff and that one at least made it easy with the extra weight and the steam/spray/mist features.

But those are things you learn with time.

I'm learning that my dad had the right idea when he said to elope, which is what he and my mom did. One of my co-workers is getting married and it's going to be one of those cast-of-thousands extravaganzas and it gives me the heebie jeebies. I'd rather have a handful of people I love and enjoy being with, go to the courthouse, then go out for a really good meal than be dealing with mediocre food and making nice with acquaintences/family I don't really know. Though I'd want at least a two-tiered wedding cake, even if it says it 'serves 50 or 60'. 'Cause I'm traditional that way...and I like good cake (and not in little weeny wedding size 'slices'.)

[artdecades]

What determines in which church they are married?

Do they have any association with either of these churches?

I am guessing churches that are available and have enough space are major factors. Fundies don't wait a long time between engagement and weddings. A lot of places book up really far in advance for these kinds of things. I am guessing they are limited on locations that can hold the amount of people they want, meet their criteria for a good christian church, and are available on short notice.

[Earthshine]

It must vary from store to store, ours has tons of small furniture pieces. I certainly wouldn't buy real furniture there (actually I try not to shop there at all out of principle) but if you need a small table to put a plant on, say, or a lamp or to get something framed they are not too bad. There's a lot of really tacky-ass stuff, but there are generally a few relatively plain things as well.

Also lots of baskets and things like that - things that can be useful when you are starting from zero but can add up really fast when you go to buy them.

Our Hobby Lobby is like that, too. Home decor, small furniture pieces, crafts, yarn, fabric for sewing, framing, etc. I try to avoid it and go to Michaels for craft supplies, but Hobby Lobby still sucks me back in because of the larger selection.

[nokidsmom]

To true...which is why I was delighted when my dad was able to wire (safely...he's an engineer) a new cord to replace one that had come loose (my mom had jerked it out of the wall socket by pulling on the cord, not the plug, and it loosened) on the spendy heavy-as-hell iron that I was gifted as a aparment-warming present by a friend's mother. I loathe ironing, but sometimes, even in a perma-press world, you have to iron stuff and that one at least made it easy with the extra weight and the steam/spray/mist features.

But those are things you learn with time.

I'm learning that my dad had the right idea when he said to elope, which is what he and my mom did. One of my co-workers is getting married and it's going to be one of those cast-of-thousands extravaganzas and it gives me the heebie jeebies. I'd rather have a handful of people I love and enjoy being with, go to the courthouse, then go out for a really good meal than be dealing with mediocre food and making nice with acquaintences/family I don't really know. Though I'd want at least a two-tiered wedding cake, even if it says it 'serves 50 or 60'. 'Cause I'm traditional that way...and I like good cake (and not in little weeny wedding size 'slices'.)

And one can always freeze the cake to have later! And have it in large, non wedding sized pieces.

And I hear about making nice with people you don't know. There were relatives on my husband's side that even my husband and his immediate family didn't see but had to invite because they were family. He's not seen them since and that was 30 years ago.

My uncle, when he remarried, did it right IMHO. He and his second wife married in a private ceremony at a small resort overlooking a scenic lake. Ceremony and small reception in the same place and for close family only....maybe about 35 people. It was great and I remember thinking that it is how I should have done it though I would have kept the same place we had our reception. Wasn't your typical banquet hall by a long shot...only thing that I wouldn't have changed, just made it a smaller event.

[snuggles911]

Good for them. It seems like a nice way to keep costs down while being able to have a large guest list.

I come from an area of the country where weddings are huge and very expensive. It's not unusual for couples to spend over $25,000.

My husband and I didn't have a lot of money when we got married so we had a brunch instead of a dinner. A lot of our non-Christian relatives gossiped about us for months afterward b/c they thought it was tacky, especially since we didn't serve alcohol (partly b/c our church frowned on it and partly to save money).

I would love it if my kids are OK with simple receptions when they get married. Expensive parties are such a waste of money IMO.

[HereticHick]

Damn, aren't we a judgy bunch? : )

What I find amusing about all these wedding discussions is A. How so many of us have strong opinions about how weddings SHOULD be and B. We have really stereotypical ideas about how certain areas of a country/ethnic group/class/religious denominations have their weddings, and we don't expect anyone to deviate from the perceived norm. [its as if each in our own way, we are all Fundy about weddings!]

I admit, I am just as bad--but I do feel that the Wedding Industrial Complex in the US has spun out of control, and I agree with the poster above who said it feels more and more like its all about the gifts and showering attention & pampering on the bride, and less and less about the guests.

Someone recently pointed out to me that the elaborateness of weddings vs. socioeconomic class feels like it has been flipped in recent decades in the US.

50 years ago it was the stereotype that the "upper class" had big fancy weddings; the "lower class" (and/or the suddenly pregnant) went to the courthouse.

Now, it feels like the reverse is the norm: The older, wealthier, better educated have smaller, restrained weddings, and the lower class have giant glitzy affairs.

Personally, I'd rather attend a nice dessert reception (esp. when I've been told in advance) than a half-assed appetizer spread.

[singsingsing]

snuggles911, I'm sorry you had to deal with that crap. It drives me crazy when people are judgmental of others' weddings. What's the point? Who cares as long as the couple is happy? Have a huge eight course meal for 500 guests with a ten-layer cake encrusted with diamonds, or have bowls of snack food in a church basement. What's tacky is looking down your nose at someone else's wedding when you're an invited guest. There's only one thing I think is necessary: if you're inviting people to an event and it's going to run for more than about two hours, you have to provide some kind of food and drink, and if it's running through a meal time (i.e. 11 a.m.-2 p.m. or 5 p.m.-8 p.m.) it should be a meal. Otherwise live and let live.

[Coconut Flan]

I wasn't trying to be judgy about the weddings but explain that certain groups don't do the same as other groups. If they stepped outside their cultural norms then their families and peers would judge them. I think we see that in the posts. Some groups think a big dinner or multiple meals are required and that's normal for them and their families would be upset if they wanted a cake and punch reception.

[HereticHick]

singsingsing,

hear hear! Have any kind of wedding you like--but lord almighty, don't make me wait around in the hot sun, unfed & unbeveraged, for an hour between the ceremony and reception while bridezilla and her crew take a zillion pictures!

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

I've got the identical soap pump from Target that John and Alyssa have on their registry. I got a little tired of the metal pumps getting all gunky (although that seems to have settled down now) and the color of the pump matches some of the other stuff in the bathroom.

I noticed that there were no dishes/china or silverware on the Dillard's registry. I thought that's what you registered at Dillard's for. In fact, they didn't register for many dishes at Target either. I did notice that they registered for two Keurig accessories (pod holder and pods), but no brewer, but they did register for a French press. Those Keurig pods won't be much good in a French press.

Not done much ironing, have you Alyssa? If you'd gotten a decently heavy iron, its weight would have done most of the work for you. If you get a lightweight iron, you have to press down harder and even then it doesn't do as good a job getting out wrinkles.

Penny -veteran ironer and inheritor of Mom's heavy old GE iron (did have nicely heavy Rowenta that I loaned to my dd.)

They probably already have the Keurig machine. An engagement present perhaps?

And yeah I agree with the PP a lot of judgement about weddings on FJ...as in real life. I couldn't believe how everyone had an opinion about weddings when I got engaged and people will judge you for EVERYTHING.

I think a dessert reception is a great idea!

Can't wait to see photos!

[nokidsmom]

snuggles911, I'm sorry you had to deal with that crap. It drives me crazy when people are judgmental of others' weddings. What's the point? Who cares as long as the couple is happy? Have a huge eight course meal for 500 guests with a ten-layer cake encrusted with diamonds, or have bowls of snack food in a church basement. What's tacky is looking down your nose at someone else's wedding when you're an invited guest. There's only one thing I think is necessary: if you're inviting people to an event and it's going to run for more than about two hours, you have to provide some kind of food and drink, and if it's running through a meal time (i.e. 11 a.m.-2 p.m. or 5 p.m.-8 p.m.) it should be a meal. Otherwise live and let live.

Sorry about the comments you had to deal with also, snuggles911. I have been to weddings that haven't followed the norm such as no booze (fundy wedding) and my cousins had all their wedding receptions at the local VFW hall which wasn't glamorous but it was fun. May not be what one would like or do, but have to remember that as a guest, you don't get to call the shots, the couple (or whoever's paying) do. And sometimes due to money constraints even the couple will have to compromise. One never knows.

[PennySycamore]

Damn, aren't we a judgy bunch? : )

What I find amusing about all these wedding discussions is A. How so many of us have strong opinions about how weddings SHOULD be and B. We have really stereotypical ideas about how certain areas of a country/ethnic group/class/religious denominations have their weddings, and we don't expect anyone to deviate from the perceived norm. [its as if each in our own way, we are all Fundy about weddings!]

I admit, I am just as bad--but I do feel that the Wedding Industrial Complex in the US has spun out of control, and I agree with the poster above who said it feels more and more like its all about the gifts and showering attention & pampering on the bride, and less and less about the guests.

Someone recently pointed out to me that the elaborateness of weddings vs. socioeconomic class feels like it has been flipped in recent decades in the US.

50 years ago it was the stereotype that the "upper class" had big fancy weddings; the "lower class" (and/or the suddenly pregnant) went to the courthouse.

Now, it feels like the reverse is the norm: The older, wealthier, better educated have smaller, restrained weddings, and the lower class have giant glitzy affairs.

Personally, I'd rather attend a nice dessert reception (esp. when I've been told in advance) than a half-assed appetizer spread.

There's a great older book about the wedding industry The Eternal Bliss Machine that details regional and class variations in weddings, the wedding dress industry, and honeymoons. I remember there's a whole chapter about the Poconos. From what I can remember, at the time when I read the book back in the 70s, upper-class Episcopal weddings in the North tended to be champagne, cake and dancing with music by the Peter Duchin orchestra, ethnic weddings tended more towards banquets of some type and Texas weddings were big blowouts. I don't know if the book has been updated or not.