Alyssa & John - light dessert reception.

[Palimpsest]

I don't know where y'all are from, but around here, bridesmaids ALWAYS proceed the bride down the aisle.

Junior Bridesmaids MIGHT follow the bride to help with her veil/train if it is long, but usually they go in front as well. So this isn't really just a fundie thing.

And despite the y'all, I live in Washington, USA.

Edit: PS: the Royal Wedding photos totally confused me because I couldn't figure out why Pippa was following Kate!

Cultural differences again. In the UK, where I was married, bridesmaids traditionally follow the bride as Pippa did, and as Diana's, Sarah's, Princess Margaret's and QEII's bridesmaids did too. Although I hear that US customs are now infiltrating the UK as some brides want to make an ENTRANCE after the bridesmaids there too these days.

ETA. There is nothing wrong with either tradition. I was a very nervous and reluctant introverted "big wedding" bride. I entered after a Verger carrying a cross, a CofE Bishop complete with Mitre, a Vicar, and a Catholic Priest all in gorgeous vestments. Then I scuttled in with my Dad in a flurry of Laura Ashley cotton flounces with two bridesmaids in prairie muffin dresses guarding my back. I was totally outshone by the vestments in front!

And shut up about the Laura Ashley flounces and Prairie Muffin dresses. It was very fashionable in 1979! :lol:

I think bridesmaids following the bride is traditional in most of Europe. A good history of European wedding etiquette and protocols can be found on SartorialSplendor.com a slightly snarky fashion and jewel obsessed site that collects info on Royal Weddings over the years. Look for "Wedding Wednesdays" or something like that. :)

[Rebelwife]

My middle school daughter is a total wedding junkie and volunteers whenever she can to be the bride's Crucifer in weddings at our church. She loves that she's the second to last person to go down the aisle carrying the Cross, with the bride and her father right behind. Our church is pretty high (my older daughter says "all of the pomp, none of the guilt." :D), so weddings always include Vergers and Crucifers, nicely resplendent.

[Palimpsest]

My middle school daughter is a total wedding junkie and volunteers whenever she can to be the bride's Crucifer in weddings at our church. She loves that she's the second to last person to go down the aisle carrying the Cross, with the bride and her father right behind. Our church is pretty high (my older daughter says "all of the pomp, none of the guilt." :D), so weddings always include Vergers and Crucifers, nicely resplendent.

Oh, too funny! We had a Crucifer too but he was a boy. How could I have forgotten him!

To clarify, I was delighted to be marrying. I was such a Bolshie bride though. I'm a shy introvert and just hated all the pagentry and weddingy things my/our cultural backgrounds demanded. It was all complicated by the religious requirements of our families and we so wanted to elope and get away from it all. We were young enough and still religious enough to want to please others.

Truth be told -- we agree that we did quite enjoy the wedding reception. Although we did not expect to do so.:)

[PennySycamore]

I don't remember where I read this, but it was about the pairing up of the bridesmaids with groomsmen in the recessional. The writer wanted to know where that rather absurd custom started. The bride and groom (or brides or grooms) are the couple, not usually the maids and groomsmen. I thought the writer had a good point.

[scc12]

true,but I considered them to be escorts whenever I was in a wedding.iow nothing more than a polite escort down the aisle.

lol,re: Pippa following Kate.I couldn't even figure out at what point they were legally married.There was no "I now pronounce you man n wife".I don't recall a kiss during it,either.I guess they outdid the fundies then.LOL.oh but they thought they were royalty..

[OkToBeTakei]

I don't remember where I read this, but it was about the pairing up of the bridesmaids with groomsmen in the recessional. The writer wanted to know where that rather absurd custom started. The bride and groom (or brides or grooms) are the couple, not usually the maids and groomsmen. I thought the writer had a good point.

There is generally only one best man, not groomsmen, I'm sure that weirdness will come here soon. He does walk back down the aisle with the chief bridesmaid and dances with her for the first/second dance thing usually. I've yet to see more than the usual 2-3 bridesmaids unless big family girl. I've heard it's happening though and this you see, would be what we are talking about as it is not a usual custom here but most definitely 'American.'

Palimpsest still doing it like that here :lol:

[Tdoc72]

As a group, I think FJ has a lot to learn. Posters here seem remarkably uninformed about how to grab as many gifts as humanly possible, and how to bankrupt their wedding party with engagement gifts, showers that include 5 course dinners in posh hotels, destination bachelorette parties, incredibly expensive bridesmaid dresses, shoes, obligatory professional make-up and hair, and so on. I stumbled upon a couple of episodes of Bridezilla and am still in shock. :lol:

Bridezilla story: I was maid of honor for my best friend. She wanted us to wear our hair in French twists. I had long down to my butt hair (not a fundie, just liked it that way, also Jersey 90s!) and she told me I'd have to get it cut because 'it was too much hair for them to French twist.' I said no and she told me that she was the bride and I had to do it. I refused, said I'd have the stylist do the best she could or I would drop out. And I got my way, although she did complain about it once or twice. :nenner:

[Mama Mia]

There is generally only one best man, not groomsmen, I'm sure that weirdness will come here soon. He does walk back down the aisle with the chief bridesmaid and dances with her for the first/second dance thing usually. I've yet to see more than the usual 2-3 bridesmaids unless big family girl. I've heard it's happening though and this you see, would be what we are talking about as it is not a usual custom here but most definitely 'American.'

Palimpsest still doing it like that here :lol:

I would love to send you to a big Mexican American wedding. Your head would explode. Dollar dances. A dozen attendants for the bride and another dozen for the groom. Patrons to pay for things, and proudly listed in the program. :D

[OkToBeTakei]

I would love to send you to a big Mexican American wedding. Your head would explode. Dollar dances. A dozen attendants for the bride and another dozen for the groom. Patrons to pay for things, and proudly listed in the program. :D

You have no idea how much I would love to go!!! Different is just......different. But if I do happen to be in Glasgow and Agnes and Jock have a money dance you better believe I am going to roll my eyes :lol:

[Mama Mia]

You have no idea how much I would love to go!!! Different is just......different. But if I do happen to be in Glasgow and Agnes and Jock have a money dance you better believe I am going to roll my eyes :lol:

Well if you're lucky Agnes and Jock will also include a good deal of tequila and it will take the edge off :)

[OkToBeTakei]

Well if you're lucky Agnes and Jock will also include a good deal of tequila and it will take the edge off :)

:lol:

It is funny though how we would eye-roll and probably be quite horrified. Not like there really is a rule book. (well there is, my sister gave me an etiquette book, I assumed it was a joke.)

Maybe it's just that there are strong traditions in some cultures, not so strong ones in others and the basic fact is it's a wedding. Involves family, in fact two main families and all their relatives. I don't think it's MEANT to be quiet and approving, the whole point is to have at least a wee bit of drama? :lol:

[browngrl]

I like weddings and have been to weddings in multiple cultures and religions both big wedding extravaganzas and small intimate gatherings.

The ones that had multiple bridesmaids and groomsmen, fancy fancy wedding dresses, a huge number of guests, registration at multiple places for gifts - all the bells and whistles also had a full meals + drinks (and generally, music and entertainment).

The ones that were more simple were the ones with a light dessert reception (I, myself served only strawberries, chocolate and Veuve Cliquot - but our legal wedding was at city hall and our fun wedding was in Vegas and we specifically asked for no gifts and there was no bridal party but my husband and I).

So the thing that bothers me about these fundies is the discrepancy. Alyssa (and John of course) will surely have multiple bridesmaids and there will be multiple groomsmen and a huge number of guests. There will be photo shoots and fancy dresses. Gifts WILL be expected. All the aspects of a wedding extravaganza BUT the meal. I don't know, it just seems greedy to me. They want the gifts but they don't want to "pay back" the guests with a nice meal and party.

[Rebelwife]

I like weddings and have been to weddings in multiple cultures and religions both big wedding extravaganzas and small intimate gatherings.

The ones that had multiple bridesmaids and groomsmen, fancy fancy wedding dresses, a huge number of guests, registration at multiple places for gifts - all the bells and whistles also had a full meals + drinks (and generally, music and entertainment).

The ones that were more simple were the ones with a light dessert reception (I, myself served only strawberries, chocolate and Veuve Cliquot - but our legal wedding was at city hall and our fun wedding was in Vegas and we specifically asked for no gifts and there was no bridal party but my husband and I).

So the thing that bothers me about these fundies is the discrepancy. Alyssa (and John of course) will surely have multiple bridesmaids and there will be multiple groomsmen and a huge number of guests. There will be photo shoots and fancy dresses. Gifts WILL be expected. All the aspects of a wedding extravaganza BUT the meal. I don't know, it just seems greedy to me. They want the gifts but they don't want to "pay back" the guests with a nice meal and party.

This! You explained my feelings on it better than I ever could. If someone (not just fundy, but anyone) is going to go for all the big, extravaganza wedding stuff, your guests probably have certain expectations. If I was invited to a wedding where black tie was requested, I'd roll my eyes until they fell out if there was no corresponding reception. Don't ask me to put more into your wedding than you are willing to!

On the other hand, one of the nicest weddings I've been to recently was on the beach and reception was back in a house the bride and groom had rented - maybe 50 people, good casual BBQ, no dancing, simple wedding party, guests barefoot, etc. It was perfect for them and their guests were very comfortable. However, it would have been ridiculous for the bride to have eleventy!!!1!!!1 bridesmaids and flower girls and a bedazzled ballgown with a cathedral length train in that situation.

[Palimpsest]

true,but I considered them to be escorts whenever I was in a wedding.iow nothing more than a polite escort down the aisle.

lol,re: Pippa following Kate.I couldn't even figure out at what point they were legally married.There was no "I now pronounce you man n wife".I don't recall a kiss during it,either.I guess they outdid the fundies then.LOL.oh but they thought they were royalty..

I can answer that, but note that this is specific to the marriage ceremony of the Book of Common Prayer of the Church of England, not all English or UK weddings, and I haven't actually watched the Kate and William wedding all the way through. :mrgreen:

The actual marriage is over in the very first 5 minutes of the service. Blink and you missed it! The vows and ring exchange are followed by the Officiant wrapping a sash around the clasped right hands of the couple and saying,

"Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder."

Then (from memory certainly not verbatim) "...Forasmuch as B and G have consented together in holy wedlock ... have pledged their troth to each other ... have declared the same by giving of rings and by joining of hands ... I pronounce that they be man and wife together. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen." Then the service continues with blessings, optional communion, a short sermon, readings, couple of hymns, and more prayers.

The big difference from American weddings is that at the end of the English CoE service the bridal party and parents all trot off to the Vestry or a side chapel to sign the Parish Registry, usually witnessed by the best man and chief bridesmaid. This makes the whole thing legal and not just religious. First married kisses are exchanged in the Vestry in private, but in my case the kiss was delayed because I was desperate for a loo! Then everyone forms up for the recessional. Done!

[scc12]

thank you for the explanation!

the one thing I did find ridiculous in the whole thing was the way the general public went totally beserk over's Pippa's backside.You would have thought it stole the show,so to speak.It was just a form fitting dress is all.

[tropaka]

Canadian weddings also have the signing of the official paperwork (a nice government form) after the vows. I would assume it would be the same in the States. I've also seen kisses following the ceremony at Anglican churches.

[Palimpsest]

I like weddings and have been to weddings in multiple cultures and religions both big wedding extravaganzas and small intimate gatherings.

The ones that had multiple bridesmaids and groomsmen, fancy fancy wedding dresses, a huge number of guests, registration at multiple places for gifts - all the bells and whistles also had a full meals + drinks (and generally, music and entertainment).

The ones that were more simple were the ones with a light dessert reception (I, myself served only strawberries, chocolate and Veuve Cliquot - but our legal wedding was at city hall and our fun wedding was in Vegas and we specifically asked for no gifts and there was no bridal party but my husband and I).

So the thing that bothers me about these fundies is the discrepancy. Alyssa (and John of course) will surely have multiple bridesmaids and there will be multiple groomsmen and a huge number of guests. There will be photo shoots and fancy dresses. Gifts WILL be expected. All the aspects of a wedding extravaganza BUT the meal. I don't know, it just seems greedy to me. They want the gifts but they don't want to "pay back" the guests with a nice meal and party.

Yours sounds like my dream wedding!

I see your point, but have to question: In this specific sub-culture of ginormous Fundie weddings are gifts actually expected? It strikes me that Fundie wedding registries are usually quite frugal and not all the items are purchased. We've also snarked here on things like Pringles and Coca Cola being on wedding registries (was that Josh and Anna?) It could be that gifts are not expected at all, or that a simple contribution to the pantry or a hand-made Bible cover are acceptable gifts from a family at a big Fundie wedding. Or it may be the done thing to collect love-offerings at the service in lieu of a gift at all. Anyone know?

[Rebelwife]

I can answer that, but note that this is specific to the marriage ceremony of the Book of Common Prayer of the Church of England, not all English or UK weddings, and I haven't actually watched the Kate and William wedding all the way through. :mrgreen:

The actual marriage is over in the very first 5 minutes of the service. Blink and you missed it! The vows and ring exchange are followed by the Officiant wrapping a sash around the clasped right hands of the couple and saying,

"Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder."

Then (from memory certainly not verbatim) "...Forasmuch as B and G have consented together in holy wedlock ... have pledged their troth to each other ... have declared the same by giving of rings and by joining of hands ... I pronounce that they be man and wife together. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen." Then the service continues with blessings, optional communion, a short sermon, readings, couple of hymns, and more prayers.

The big difference from American weddings is that at the end of the English CoE service the bridal party and parents all trot off to the Vestry or a side chapel to sign the Parish Registry, usually witnessed by the best man and chief bridesmaid. This makes the whole thing legal and not just religious. First married kisses are exchanged in the Vestry in private, but in my case the kiss was delayed because I was desperate for a loo! Then everyone forms up for the recessional. Done!

US weddings also have the signing of the license right after the ceremony (quick private moment usually) and depending on the church, signing the church registry.

It's not legal until the license is signed.

[Palimpsest]

Canadian weddings also have the signing of the official paperwork (a nice government form) after the vows. I would assume it would be the same in the States. I've also seen kisses following the ceremony at Anglican churches.

Oh, yes. I was answering a question specific to High Church CoE weddings in the UK, not for all Anglican weddings. A lot of vicars and rectors offer a "You may now kiss the bride" after the vows but it is not technically part of the service. Also, the wedding party disappearing into the vestry for the signing of the paperwork confuses most Americans that I know. At most (perhaps all) US church weddings I've been to the paperwork is signed in front of the congregation.

[uber frau]

I like weddings and have been to weddings in multiple cultures and religions both big wedding extravaganzas and small intimate gatherings.

The ones that had multiple bridesmaids and groomsmen, fancy fancy wedding dresses, a huge number of guests, registration at multiple places for gifts - all the bells and whistles also had a full meals + drinks (and generally, music and entertainment).

The ones that were more simple were the ones with a light dessert reception (I, myself served only strawberries, chocolate and Veuve Cliquot - but our legal wedding was at city hall and our fun wedding was in Vegas and we specifically asked for no gifts and there was no bridal party but my husband and I).

So the thing that bothers me about these fundies is the discrepancy. Alyssa (and John of course) will surely have multiple bridesmaids and there will be multiple groomsmen and a huge number of guests. There will be photo shoots and fancy dresses. Gifts WILL be expected. All the aspects of a wedding extravaganza BUT the meal. I don't know, it just seems greedy to me. They want the gifts but they don't want to "pay back" the guests with a nice meal and party.

They 'pay back' by going to all the other million fundie weddings and buying something for all of them.

[Georgiana]

Since we're sharing awful weddings, I wanted to share this gem:

Ceremony Time: 2PM

Reception Start: 6 PM

Guests are encouraged to find something to do, like see a movie or go bowling (I just LOVE to bowl in my fancy wedding clothes!) during the 3 HOURS while the wedding party takes photos. Never mind over half the guests are from out of town, and the location (in Alabama) isn't known for being a "happenin' place".

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

The CHEAPEST thing on the registry is a salt and pepper shaker. For $150. Next cheapest? A platter for $250.

Talk about inconsiderate and cash cow weddings.

[ShesCrafty]

I would love to send you to a big Mexican American wedding. Your head would explode. Dollar dances. A dozen attendants for the bride and another dozen for the groom. Patrons to pay for things, and proudly listed in the program. :D

Yes! I was a bridesmaid in a wedding like this. And SIX (6) of the groomsmen/ring bearer were named various versions of "Anthony" (Tony, Tony, Tony, Antonio, Anthony, Antonio Jr.), which still makes me laugh. A Mariachi band. Lots of tequila. I think the happy couple got almost enough to cover their honeymoon during the dollar dance (because your really getting $20, $50, $100 bills, not actual $1 bills). It was a great wedding :D .

[Coconut Flan]

On the other hand, one of the nicest weddings I've been to recently was on the beach and reception was back in a house the bride and groom had rented - maybe 50 people, good casual BBQ, no dancing, simple wedding party, guests barefoot, etc. It was perfect for them and their guests were very comfortable. However, it would have been ridiculous for the bride to have eleventy!!!1!!!1 bridesmaids and flower girls and a bedazzled ballgown with a cathedral length train in that situation.

The bolded I have seen multiple times. Living near the beach in Cali I see it frequently. Although usually those receptions are in one of the local restaurants not a barbecue.

I would love to send you to a big Mexican American wedding. Your head would explode. Dollar dances. A dozen attendants for the bride and another dozen for the groom. Patrons to pay for things, and proudly listed in the program. :D

Oh yes. The MOB and the MOG are in uber formal wear also. Some of those dresses way outshine some of the wedding gowns on the market.

In Cali it's an often enough occasion that the paperwork is signed prior to the ceremony. So far I've never seen anyone sign it during the ceremony. Technically the couple is married here when the paperwork is signed.

[OkToBeTakei]

I've only been to two US weddings and both were in Cali. I DID notice the long dresses! So strange. Although I would imagine some thought MrOK's kilt was strange :lol:

The other thing I noticed is that both times a year apart Chicken Parmigiano and Osso Bucco were on the menu a cousin told me it was 'in' wedding food that year.

I am putting Mexican wedding on my bucket list, sounds like a great party. I have been to a couple of Barmitzvah parties, best parties ever. Can't wait till they are old enough to marry.

Most boring wedding ever goes to full catholic mass along with the wedding service. Just no. Long enough without. I'm a very bad catholic though.

No rehearsal dinner. Or really showers of any kind. Hen do is when the bride and her friends go out, weekend whatever. Stag do same for guys. Hen and Stag :lol: US version is more PC.

So to be straight for maximum dosh I need to..

Registry.

Leave envelopes around.

Money dance.

Auction also.

Have money pinned to my dress.

There must be more cultural traditions I can borrow? :lol:

[mrs]

The bolded I have seen multiple times. Living near the beach in Cali I see it frequently. Although usually those receptions are in one of the local restaurants not a barbecue.

Oh yes. The MOB and the MOG are in uber formal wear also. Some of those dresses way outshine some of the wedding gowns on the market.

In Cali it's an often enough occasion that the paperwork is signed prior to the ceremony. So far I've never seen anyone sign it during the ceremony. Technically the couple is married here when the paperwork is signed.

I was married on the east coast and the paperwork was signed before the mass as well.

(Edited b/c of too much personal info.)