Alyssa & John - light dessert reception.

[AnywhereButHere]

When I got married, I made a list of our gifts, wrote out my thank you notes, and then threw away the list. I can be messy, so I try not to hold on to stuff I don't think I'll need again. Unfortunately, I also have a memory like a sieve, so outside of a couple of extremely memorable gifts, I couldn't tell you who gave me what after the thank you cards were sent.

My mother, for years after my wedding, would call me asking what so and so had given me so that she could reciprocate in kind for their child's wedding and would get annoyed and indignant each time when I couldn't tell her. I kept telling her to just give what she felt was appropriate, but she was always so concerned that whoever it was would be offended if the gift she gave wasn't comparable to what I had received. She never really believed me that her friends probably we're not keeping score, and if they were, why was she so invested in joining in that game. So much pressure. Ugh.

[Georgiana]

There are few places on earth where this type of timing is acceptable, and one is Disney World. If you want to have a 1pm wedding and a dinner reception after everyone has spent the afternoon at the parks, then go right ahead. My aunt's wedding was at 1pm in WDW ten years ago noon ceremony, dinner reception, zero complaints.

Was that the cheapest thing remaining on the registry or the cheapest thing they registered for? Regardless, even if it were my fiancé's brother, I would buy them a gift card to one of the stores they registered at and call it a day.

I agree that the timing is completely inappropriate. So many of their guests are coming in from out of town and are going to have nothing to do during that gap! I understand people need time for pictures, but if that is the case, you should provide cocktails and light apps so the guests can be entertained and take the edge off, but still be ready for dinner.

And the shaker was the cheapest thing they registered for at all. They assume their guests are willing to pay to fly to their wedding, stay in a hotel, shell out tons of cash for a gift, but they are too cheap to provide their guests with a cocktail hour or two.

These are people from lots and lots of money. They're spoiled and selfish, so they expect people to spend lots of money on them, but don't want to spend any more than the bare minimum of money on others.

[Mama Mia]

That is one thing I have found increasingly annoying the last few years, the amount of time spent on photos, and the intrusiveness of the photographers has greatly increased, in my experience. I assume it's just an extension of the need for 10,000 photos of daily life, so they must need a million for the wedding, but many of those photographers are pretty rude.

Eta: don't know if I should feel glad or disappointed that I finally found something snark worthy about weddings :?

[Chowder Head]

Where i am located, people do give a baby shower for the second child but call it a diaper shower. Guess bring items/ gifts that used up in a coarse of first baby. (diapers, diaper more diapers, lotion, etc.) Now if it is the opposite sex of the first child , say a boy then a girl then people will get girl clothes or such.

[OkToBeTakei]

Baby showers have never been a thing here traditionally, but I'm sure as all 'let's get stuff' ideas are tempting, they will become the norm. I like the idea of a nappy/diaper party or such, that's helpful and sounds fun. Registry? Not so much.

This thread has made me fascinated with US weddings (I use the term loosely as it is a TV show and I'm sure does not totally reflect all.)

I watched one episode last night, Miss OK drifts in and out as it's homework time and asked, 'Why do none of them ever get married in a church?' Her other observation was the same as mine about golf clubs :lol:

Anyway last night there was an English girl who was convinced she would win because she was bringing British 'classiness' or some such to her wedding. She did have a sit down meal as she hated the lines at buffet. Her wedding was hideous :lol: She was a pain in the arse and the other wee girl who did her wedding on a budget with a theme of Hollywood for which she made a lot of her stuff was by far nicer, personal and fun.

Also I don't really understand the 'theme' thing. I kind of thought the theme of a wedding would be err wedding? Themes are for house parties or halloween? I'm totally not with it :(

[Mama Mia]

Baby showers have never been a thing here traditionally, but I'm sure as all 'let's get stuff' ideas are tempting, they will become the norm. I like the idea of a nappy/diaper party or such, that's helpful and sounds fun. Registry? Not so much.

This thread has made me fascinated with US weddings (I use the term loosely as it is a TV show and I'm sure does not totally reflect all.)

I watched one episode last night, Miss OK drifts in and out as it's homework time and asked, 'Why do none of them ever get married in a church?' Her other observation was the same as mine about golf clubs :lol:

Anyway last night there was an English girl who was convinced she would win because she was bringing British 'classiness' or some such to her wedding. She did have a sit down meal as she hated the lines at buffet. Her wedding was hideous :lol: She was a pain in the arse and the other wee girl who did her wedding on a budget with a theme of Hollywood for which she made a lot of her stuff was by far nicer, personal and fun.

Also I don't really understand the 'theme' thing. I kind of thought the theme of a wedding would be err wedding? Themes are for house parties or halloween? I'm totally not with it :(

The only theme wedding I can remember was a Halloween Wedding where everyone came in costume, that was interesting. It's also the only Wiccan wedding I've been to and it was fun, with lots of good food. As far as I recall none of the others have been a theme. Maybe tHats more common in some groups....or it might be more of a t.v. Thing.

[OkToBeTakei]

The only theme wedding I can remember was a Halloween Wedding where everyone came in costume, that was interesting. It's also the only Wiccan wedding I've been to and it was fun, with lots of good food. As far as I recall none of the others have been a theme. Maybe tHats more common in some groups....or it might be more of a t.v. Thing.

Could be the TV thing. On the rogramme I've been watching they all seem to have a theme although one was 'family' so maybe it is the programme which requires a label. The 'family' wedding looked normal to me. Church service then reception.

I get that most folks have colours as a theme but these weddings were stuff like. Arabian. Hollywood etc.

I've just read this though, so I should probably remember its TeeeVeeee :lol:

Some commentators have suggested that this show perpetuates class privilege, in that the highest scores are typically awarded for those weddings that cost the most. An informal study demonstrated that the highest scores correlated with the most expensive weddings. As a consequence, the rich were getting richer.[2] Four Weddings has not commented on the issue. In addition, some have criticized the show for an episode where the bride was a Pakistani American (thus having a wedding that had strong Pakistani themes, for example, Pakistani-style food, traditional Pakistani clothing for the bride and her party, etc), but was constantly referred to as being "Indian". The obvious differences between the two cultures and the fact that they were being confused took some viewers aback.

[Aggie2145]

Where I live, it is considered pretty tacky to have a shower for a subsequent baby, unless there is a huge gap in age between children - often second marriages or major "oops" babies. One thing that is common though, and that I like, is a "freezer" shower for moms-to-be who already have children. Every one brings a meal that can be put in the freezer for after the baby comes. It's a nice chance to get together and celebrate a new baby without being a gift grab.

Freezer showers are the latest trend in my circle of friends as well! The last one I attended was a little different and was not an actual party. We signed up for weekdays on a calendar and brought a fully cooked meal right before dinner time. When I dropped off dinner, I met the baby, and played with their older child while the parents took showers. (They needed it!) I would have likely brought over food right after the baby was born, but I could tell that they really appreciated a hot meal and adult conversation.

I have never heard of college registries...I thought every high school graduate just wanted cash.

[nausicaa]

Again as this whole thread is, this might be cultural. Also twinmama, two babies at once I understand you wanting easy :lol:

Just though what the hell does anybody need for a baby that requires a registry?

Kind of traditional here for the grandparents to get the pram and granted mine was the price of a small car but seriously it is not necessary. Cots can be expensive but again does not have to be. Sterilisers and pumps are not exactly super expensive and everything after that is nice but not exactly necessary? Nappies are a great gift I suppose.

I loved each and every little thing I received. Sure I exchanged some stuff but generally I was just really grateful for the gift and the thought. Including the absolute hideous puff pink hat and matching coat from a great Aunt of the partner. Bless her :lol: Think exploded cotton wool.

ETA. Car seat!! Necessity.

The typical fanciness of a wedding registry doesn't normally extend to baby registries. The ones I've seen (and my friends have been popping 'em out left and right for the past few years) don't have silver rattles or cashmere blankets on them, it's more like breast pumps, burp clothes, Bumbo chairs, sleep sacks, Boppy pillows, crib sheets (just checked a friend's registry and got this list from it :) ). It's so people don't get a baby carrier that doesn't fit on the mom's body well or heavy sleep sacks if the baby's due in June, things like that. It's more guidelines for those who want to give more practical gifts.

Also, at the baby showers I've been to it was assumed a lot of people would not buy off the registry, so there were still lots of cute outfits, stuffed animals, little toys, and I never saw any of the expectant mothers annoyed by this.

[PennySycamore]

I love that idea of signing up to bring dinner over! The food is nice and hot, mom doesn't have to remember to take stuff out of the freezer in time to thaw it out, and the parents get some time to themselves and perhaps some adult conversation.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Again as this whole thread is, this might be cultural. Also twinmama, two babies at once I understand you wanting easy :lol:

Just though what the hell does anybody need for a baby that requires a registry?

Kind of traditional here for the grandparents to get the pram and granted mine was the price of a small car but seriously it is not necessary. Cots can be expensive but again does not have to be. Sterilisers and pumps are not exactly super expensive and everything after that is nice but not exactly necessary? Nappies are a great gift I suppose.

I loved each and every little thing I received. Sure I exchanged some stuff but generally I was just really grateful for the gift and the thought. Including the absolute hideous puff pink hat and matching coat from a great Aunt of the partner. Bless her :lol: Think exploded cotton wool.

ETA. Car seat!! Necessity.

Yes, baby registries. I didn't have baby showers (complicated religious superstition), but we did have naming ceremonies for the kids when they were born.

I was always gracious and appreciated the thought behind all gifts, and wrote thank you notes.

In truth, however - I did not love all gifts. I did not love the hand-knit baby bunting in itchy wool that was impossible to use with either a car seat or baby carrier. I did not need 1,000 Baby Gap outfits, all in newborn size, for my very large son (and I returned most of them). I did not fully appreciate the gigantic gift baskets with tons of tape and celophane and popcorn for my toddler to choke on. I did not love the 10 baby books. I didn't love the singing Barney or Elmo, so I took out the batteries.

Yes, I'm horrible.

[Rescinded and Mended]

Yes, baby registries. I didn't have baby showers (complicated religious superstition), but we did have naming ceremonies for the kids when they were born.

I was always gracious and appreciated the thought behind all gifts, and wrote thank you notes.

In truth, however - I did not love all gifts. I did not love the hand-knit baby bunting in itchy wool that was impossible to use with either a car seat or baby carrier. I did not need 1,000 Baby Gap outfits, all in newborn size, for my very large son (and I returned most of them). I did not fully appreciate the gigantic gift baskets with tons of tape and celophane and popcorn for my toddler to choke on. I did not love the 10 baby books. I didn't love the singing Barney or Elmo, so I took out the batteries.

Yes, I'm horrible.

No, you're not. It's totally realistic to not want or be able to use certain baby gifts. ;)

And I'm right there with you about the newborn outfits. Everyone gives them, and new moms always get way more of them than the baby will ever be able to wear. I literally got about a hundred of them when my son was born. He was a large baby, and I was giving them away, still new in their packages, when he was a couple of months old.

To this day, my policy for giving a baby gift excludes any and all newborn/onesie outfits. The mom's gonna get a zillion of them, and there's a chance yours may never get worn if you give her one.

[singsingsing]

That's why I love registries, it makes it so much easier for me. I figure if they put it on their registry they must want it. I can choose the price I think is appropriate considering my income and how well I know them and so on, and easily find the right gift.

[twinmama]

I totally agree about a baby registry for a mama of twins or more. Us singleton moms, not so much. You just don't need all that stuff for a baby.

I hope that you had friends that were thoughtful enough to bring over meals for a while so that you didn't have to cook dinner for a while.

Ha, you know I'm so used to having twins that I didn't even think that a singleton mom needs a lot less stuff! Our registry was cribs, bouncy seats, double stroller, car seats, baby bath tub, breast pump, breastfeeding pillow, and a zillion other things. Seeing as we didn't have a shower, it was mainly for various grandparents and aunts/uncles to use if they wanted. And of all the things we had for the babies, I really can't think of anything other than the two Bumbos that never got used. Even the bottle warmer that I held off on for ages because I thought it would be useless, once I caved and got it I used it everyday for over a year! The bumbos though, they sat in them once so I could take a picture and never used them again (reinforced by their physical therapist saying they were horrible and no one should put a baby in them).

As for friends, unfortunately we have no friends or family in the state we live in! It was pretty much a nightmare when they were newborns. Better now, but I have my breakdown moments still :)

[twinmama]

When I got married, I made a list of our gifts, wrote out my thank you notes, and then threw away the list. I can be messy, so I try not to hold on to stuff I don't think I'll need again. Unfortunately, I also have a memory like a sieve, so outside of a couple of extremely memorable gifts, I couldn't tell you who gave me what after the thank you cards were sent.

My mother, for years after my wedding, would call me asking what so and so had given me so that she could reciprocate in kind for their child's wedding and would get annoyed and indignant each time when I couldn't tell her. I kept telling her to just give what she felt was appropriate, but she was always so concerned that whoever it was would be offended if the gift she gave wasn't comparable to what I had received. She never really believed me that her friends probably we're not keeping score, and if they were, why was she so invested in joining in that game. So much pressure. Ugh.

Oooh what about crazy extravagant gifts? One of my mom's oldest friends gave us a check for $500 for our wedding (to us that was a TON from one couple that we don't even know very well); when her daughter got married my mom was all "WTF! do I have to give them freaking $500 too!?!" I told her to get them a gift that was nice, but not $500 nice.

Also, at the baby showers I've been to it was assumed a lot of people would not buy off the registry, so there were still lots of cute outfits, stuffed animals, little toys, and I never saw any of the expectant mothers annoyed by this.

Ohh this is a good point too. I admit that for my wedding, I got a little ticked when people bought stuff that wasn't on the registry (not homemade gifts, those are ALWAYS welcome). Like, thanks for that bowl but it doesn't match anything we registered for and got and I don't really need it because it's too similar to one I did register for. I know that makes me a bitch, but I did appreciate the thought! Baby registry though, no, I loved everything anyone gave me. The best things were the ones I didn't register for. Micropreemie sized bear hats for my itty bitties and a doll with the baby's name embroidered on it called a Snoedel that mom sleeps with to get her scent on, then puts in the preemie's isolet so he can smell her. Those were the best, I cried.

And I'm right there with you about the newborn outfits. Everyone gives them, and new moms always get way more of them than the baby will ever be able to wear. I literally got about a hundred of them when my son was born. He was a large baby, and I was giving them away, still new in their packages, when he was a couple of months old.

I knew I should have had a shower! My tiny babies wore newborn size for MONTHS! Once they grew into them that is. :lol:

[Rebelwife]

No, you're not. It's totally realistic to not want or be able to use certain baby gifts. ;)

And I'm right there with you about the newborn outfits. Everyone gives them, and new moms always get way more of them than the baby will ever be able to wear. I literally got about a hundred of them when my son was born. He was a large baby, and I was giving them away, still new in their packages, when he was a couple of months old.

To this day, my policy for giving a baby gift excludes any and all newborn/onesie outfits. The mom's gonna get a zillion of them, and there's a chance yours may never get worn if you give her one.

My rule of thumb is to give warm weather outfits sized 6-9 months. We're a warm weather climate 9 months out of the year and I figure if it's a big baby they'll wear it early and if it is a small baby they'll wear it late. That probably wouldn't work in many other places, though. :lol:

[Dinaberries]

What's the consensus if someone is pregnant with a second child and has a party to celebrate, calls it a baby shower, but says something on the invite about not needing gifts?

[Rebelwife]

What's the consensus if someone is pregnant with a second child and has a party to celebrate, calls it a baby shower, but says something on the invite about not needing gifts?

Sounds like a fun party to me! Nothing wrong with that.

[nausicaa]

Sounds like a fun party to me! Nothing wrong with that.

I wouldn't mind at all!

[Palimpsest]

What's the consensus if someone is pregnant with a second child and has a party to celebrate, calls it a baby shower, but says something on the invite about not needing gifts?

Calling it a "shower" means expectations of being "showered" with gifts but you are perfectly OK if you call it a party to celebrate second baby. Rather nice really. You will probably get some gifts anyway whatever you say on the invitations.

As someone else said above, some people have deep religious/superstitious resistance to baby showers. They are a rather "dominant culture USA" thing.

For some, celebrating too early is almost like asking for trouble at the birth. Some people have their lists and registries all prepared and a few things ordered in advance but don't buy a thing until baby is actually delivered safely. Then it is all systems go as Dad rushes out and buys a car seat to bring baby home, Grandma produces some sort of basic layette set and diapers that she had squirreled away, and other necessities are delivered. When you think about it, newborn babies don't really need that much fancy stuff and close family members can provide the basics without a party.

The celebration party and other gifts from extended family and friends come with the naming ceremony, baptism, christening or just Celebrate Baby party later. Cultural differences -- and there's nothing is wrong with having those. :)

[2xx1xy1JD]

Yes, I was a bit of an oddity on the mommy boards, because we didn't do showers. In both my personal and religious POV, pregnancy is a time of hoping that things go well, and you don't actually celebrate until the baby arrives safe and sound. [it's sort of the opposite of the fundie moms who announce the baby, name and all, with the first pregnancy test or symptom.]

My mom and MIL were vaguely concerned when I insisted on installing the car seat and assembling the crib prior to the birth. I had to remind them that times had changed since I was born, and much shorter hospital stays meant that there simply wasn't time to do this properly after the birth, before the baby came home, and car seat installation can be more complicated than you'd expect. Apart from that, though, we really didn't have much before the birth. The registry was, in part, my way of scouting out what we needed before we actually bought stuff and took it home.

[Aggie2145]

Calling it a "shower" means expectations of being "showered" with gifts but you are perfectly OK if you call it a party to celebrate second baby. Rather nice really. You will probably get some gifts anyway whatever you say on the invitations.

As someone else said above, some people have deep religious/superstitious resistance to baby showers. They are a rather "dominant culture USA" thing.

For some, celebrating too early is almost like asking for trouble at the birth. Some people have their lists and registries all prepared and a few things ordered in advance but don't buy a thing until baby is actually delivered safely. Then it is all systems go as Dad rushes out and buys a car seat to bring baby home, Grandma produces some sort of basic layette set and diapers that she had squirreled away, and other necessities are delivered. When you think about it, newborn babies don't really need that much fancy stuff and close family members can provide the basics without a party.

The celebration party and other gifts from extended family and friends come with the naming ceremony, baptism, christening or just Celebrate Baby party later. Cultural differences -- and there's nothing is wrong with having those. :)

This is what we call a Sip and See...another "light dessert" or appetizer event. They are more casual events than a baby shower, everyone sips tea (or wine) and meets the baby the first time. It is usually not a the family's home so that the parents do not have the added stress of cleaning up the house/preparing food. I will bring a gift for the hostess and maybe a cute baby outfit or hat, but gifts are never expected.

ETA: I can understand installing the carseat before the baby is born. Most hospitals will not let you go home without a properly installed carseat and it is a difficult task your first time.

[Georgiana]

What's the consensus if someone is pregnant with a second child and has a party to celebrate, calls it a baby shower, but says something on the invite about not needing gifts?

Around here, some people have "Sprinkle Showers" for second babies. The showers are smaller (really only family and very close friends), and the invite asks guests to bring only a small gift or nothing at all. In many ways, it's just a fun way to celebrate the new baby, play games, and eat good food. It does allow the mom to at least get a FEW new things for the baby (like onsies, diapers, season specific clothes etc) and many of the gifts are things you might need with two kids in the house as opposed to just one.

There's more chance of getting the second shower if there are extenuating circumstances. My friend had her kids barely one year apart, so even though she HAD all of the stuff for the first, the older baby would still be using it, and so what they couldn't share, they had to buy again.

[salex]

I wouldn't mind at all!

Call it a tea instead of a shower--some people may still bring gifts, but when I asked my mother (as a preschooler) if they took showers at the baby shower, she said, no, they showered the mother to be with gifts... so I always see anything called a shower a gifty affair.

A Sani-tea... before the second baby is here and the craziness doubles.

[OkToBeTakei]

Calling it a "shower" means expectations of being "showered" with gifts but you are perfectly OK if you call it a party to celebrate second baby. Rather nice really. You will probably get some gifts anyway whatever you say on the invitations.

As someone else said above, some people have deep religious/superstitious resistance to baby showers. They are a rather "dominant culture USA" thing.

For some, celebrating too early is almost like asking for trouble at the birth. Some people have their lists and registries all prepared and a few things ordered in advance but don't buy a thing until baby is actually delivered safely. Then it is all systems go as Dad rushes out and buys a car seat to bring baby home, Grandma produces some sort of basic layette set and diapers that she had squirreled away, and other necessities are delivered. When you think about it, newborn babies don't really need that much fancy stuff and close family members can provide the basics without a party.

The celebration party and other gifts from extended family and friends come with the naming ceremony, baptism, christening or just Celebrate Baby party later. Cultural differences -- and there's nothing is wrong with having those. :)

Seems to be the same here in regards to having nothing for baby prior to birth. All the stuff I needed was in the baby shop and picked up after the birth. I had all I needed in the hospital bag. To be perfectly honest I probably did not need half of that either in hindsight but stuff is fun, baby stuff is even better fun.

All the gifts came in dribs and drabs as people visited and met baby, with a spike around the christening. Sure I had a lot of newborn outfits, I had great fun for months, baby in pram exchanging gifts in different stores. It was a way to get out and about. Looking back I wore out 3 prams, never used the Moses basket, or any of those rocking things, or floor mat things. If I did it again I would NOT fill my house full of crap. Just what was needed. It was fun at the time though. I remember just HAVING to have some stupid nappy disposal thing. Used it once :lol: