Brandy starts over, all over again.

[Witsec6]

Hi Brandy! So glad you've decided to enjoy the cake.

I totally support your right to homeschool, but what about Awana/CGIT/Brownies for your little ones to get to know other girls? I was in an alternate school situation, and that was one way I got some exposure to different kinds of people growing up.

[brandyc]

confused_by_religion, lol, thanks for the welcome.

I'm not sure how hard the higher levels will be for us .... we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Who knows, by then they very well could be taking a couple of classes at the high school {something our state does allow homeschoolers to do}.

Sola, rofl!!! Thanks for the welcome!

The flip-flopping actually irritates me to no end. I hate it. And it's way past time for it to stop.

Here's the thing. I was actually, to a degree, sheltered. My mom and dad were quite open in conversations and we knew quite a bit about the world and all .... but we rarely ever went and actually did anything outside of school because my parents always blew their money on stuff they wanted.

So while I knew of things, I hadn't actually experienced them. I went from that to being a Christian in a Church of God Pentecostal church. They taught that pretty much everything I was involved in when I was growing up was sin and would send me to hell. When we left that church and started homechurching, Jason and I began to realize that they were quite wrong in many areas. And we began spreading our wings and testing things out. See what was good for us and what just wasn't.

We just got insecure in ourselves with all the crap stuff that's happened in the course of our marriage. And we saw all sorts of *different* ways Christians live on the internet. And well, we were easily influenced. We'd try to be like what some would call "liberal Christians" .... then we'd get back involved with the "ultra conservative Christians" .... and back and forth, back and forth. And the rest is pretty well known to y'all lol

Lissar, I say I won't consider public schools because the schools around here are crap. Seriously. They just published how "well" they've done in their testing this year in the local paper and I had to laugh at the results. Not because I'm looking down my nose at them .... but because you'd be hard-pressed to find scores above the 50% range. So I actually do think I can provide a better education for our girls at home than they'd get in the school system here.

"If you know you need to do that stuff, make it happen"

I agree. And we're working on it. Would you like to give me $300 so I can register our van again and get it insured? We're not super super tight on money, but $300 takes a lil' time to get. :-D

Should be able to get it done in the next couple of weeks, though.

I've tried calling the local homeschool group before, but they weren't meeting at the time and the lady never called me to say they were meeting again. Probably lost my number. No big deal, though, her number is in the paper and I'll give her another call to see when and where they meet. Jason's off tonight, so I just have to wait until he goes back to work and brings home the paper. :-D

Heck, the flip-flopping is frustrating to us!! Seriously. But it's just a matter of knowing who we are, embracing our freedoms, and not allowing ourselves to be so influenced by people online. We didn't used to be all like this, believe it or not. And it's way past time it stopped. For good. :-)

Austin, I may not come across as highly motivated, but ... like all parents ... I do want the absolute best for our children. Like I said, I want them to go higher than I did in their formal education. I'm not necessarily anti-government .... there's just a lot of problems with the government and I think the government is failing our younger generations horribly. I don't want to screw up my children's education .... I think you'd be hard-pressed to find any homeschooling parent who does .... I'm doing what I can to give them the best I can, with plans in the works to incorporate things to make it even better.

experiencedd, lol ... yeah, I came across as a big douchebag on that "ask me anything" post, didn't I? I'm not opposed to exposing our girls to diversity of thought. We start them out in Christian things primarily to give them a strong foundation of our Faith. As any parent with any sort of belief/Faith usually does. But we talk about other religions, we watch TV with all sorts of people living however they're happiest, they're exposed to people who don't live or believe like us {my family, people in public, etc}. I actually have plans to, as they get older, studying other religions more .... maybe have them take a class or two in the public school .... maybe encourage them to go to college, if they so desire .... so they'd definitely be exposed to people of all sorts of Faith and thought. And if I do my job right, they'll love them all as we Christians are supposed to .... and they won't be as judging as Jason and I have been, off and on, in the past. Does that make sense?

Great day are y'all fast talkers here ROFL ....

Lissar, yeah, I get that. I got married at 20 and was pregnant a few months later. I had just left everything I had ever known and was a brand-new Christian in a Church that taught TV, non-Christian music/books/movies, were of the devil. It's taken some time for Jason and I to actually get to know who we are and what we believe. Longer than some, granted. And it hasn't been the easiest with children. We want to give them more stability than I had growing up {my mom was in the Navy so we moved around quite often until I was in 9th grade}.

I've been quite honest on my blog about confusing the crap out of our oldest daughter, for a time there. It's something we HIGHLY regret. We definitely don't want our children growing up all screwed up, not able to function, and not knowing who the heck they are. Definitely want them grounded and confident and all that good stuff. We've been making intentional steps towards providing them with better. Ya know?

notTHATkind, that requires our van being on the road {something we hope to have done in a couple weeks. It's totally fixed, for free ... we just need to register it again and get insurance}. I was in Girl Scouts and have totally thought about having our girls get involved in it. Nearest place is an hour away, I think. I don't know crap about Awana, though.

[Austin]

Austin, I may not come across as highly motivated, but ... like all parents ... I do want the absolute best for our children. Like I said, I want them to go higher than I did in their formal education. I'm not necessarily anti-government .... there's just a lot of problems with the government and I think the government is failing our younger generations horribly. I don't want to screw up my children's education .... I think you'd be hard-pressed to find any homeschooling parent who does .... I'm doing what I can to give them the best I can, with plans in the works to incorporate things to make it even better.

Well, most crappy parents would say that they "want" the absolute best for their children. I'm not saying you are a crappy parent, as I really have no idea. But I think it's an extremely weak argument to say that you want the best for your children and so therefore everyone should assume that your choices for them are the right ones.

You make my point exactly when you say "I don't want to screw up my children's education .... I think you'd be hard-pressed to find any homeschooling parent who does". Uhmm. . . yeah, but many homeschooling parents DO screw up their children's education. There is an old saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions".

BTW, I think no matter how one educates their children, there is a tremendous responsibility on the part of the parents, and a lot of parents of public and private school children screw up their children's education, too. But at least there's a bit of a safety net in that the child isn't wholly reliant on the parent for their education as in a homeschooling situation.

[Guest Anonymous]

Lissar, I say I won't consider public schools because the schools around here are crap. Seriously. They just published how "well" they've done in their testing this year in the local paper and I had to laugh at the results. Not because I'm looking down my nose at them .... but because you'd be hard-pressed to find scores above the 50% range. So I actually do think I can provide a better education for our girls at home than they'd get in the school system here.

"If you know you need to do that stuff, make it happen"

I agree. And we're working on it. Would you like to give me $300 so I can register our van again and get it insured? We're not super super tight on money, but $300 takes a lil' time to get.

Honestly I would love to do that if I could and I knew it would go towards improving your childrens' lives. Unfortunately I don't have it to spare since I have one of my younger siblings living with me right now and if I can afford it this month I need to buy clothes for the two of them that are still at home with my mother.

And your money is yours to do with as you see fit, but it seems to me that putting money towards having transportation available for your kids might have been a better investment than eleventy pounds of wheat berries and a load of tea. If that's actually important to you.

[formerlyfundie]

Oh how I have been waiting for this moment.

Hi Brandy, I am glad you have enjoyed some of the cake and hope it is enough to make you get another slice and chill a bit.

I was, well still am in a similar predicament as you are. Flip flopping between fundie tendencies and nonsense and then seeing how ridiculous it all is and running for the hills. I, like you, have children too and they are my driving force to be far far away from all things fundie. I was once on the Candy bandwagon, but she also dropped me once I *gasp* donned a pair of jeans for the first time in a few years and did something similar with the whole "my husband said" thing. (btw Candy, nobody cares about you that much, honey. Seriously.) Anyway I see a lot of you in me, I also isolated myself from friends and family and am just now really reconnecting and enjoying them all, and exposing my kids (who are still itty bitties) to life and joy and most of all the freedom Christ died for. I bought into the perfect family image too, I didn't let my children play in dirt or be seen anything less than fully dressed and perfect for a long time (even coordinated my poor husband's outfits with ours for a while :? ) they missed out on NORMAL childhood things because I was selfishly seeking perfection and false salvation stemmed in unnecessary WORKS. You can lead and be an example to those around you in Christ and not be a carbon copy of the Candy-types who are so far into legalism that they are not FREE. Sure, some of these women are genuine and it works fine for them and their family, but there are probably far more women dying inside and losing their joy steadily.

In short, be YOU Brandy, the unique creation you are. If you like to wear skirts and coverings, whatever, do it. If you want to wear jeans and a sweatshirt and grow dreads (which are fun btw ;) DO IT. Do what you want, it is your life, love you family, raise up your children, and live. Make yourself happy, and the RIGHT people will be happy for you.

[Guest Anonymous]

but we rarely ever went and actually did anything outside of school because my parents always blew their money on stuff they wanted.

Seriously, do you not see the irony here? You can't afford to get your van fixed so that you can do what you say you know is important and needful for your kids, but you bought all that bulk food.

*ETA: For "fixed" read - registered, insured, whatever it is that needs to happen.

[Confused_by_religion]

Brandy, I had my son when I was about your age so I really empathize with how hard it is to raise a child when one is so young and still so insecure about one's place in the world. I think it took me ten years to really find out who I am and where I fit in. I think coming from a family with a more extreme mindset (as yours seems to have been) must make it even more difficult.

I agree with the others that finding a community or family of choice is crucial. For various reasons, I didn't have one and I think it made my whole situation much more difficult, and my son would have needed a lot more other adults around (it takes a village ;) ).

Anyway, all the best to you!

[brandyc]

Well, most crappy parents would say that they "want" the absolute best for their children. I'm not saying you are a crappy parent, as I really have no idea. But I think it's an extremely weak argument to say that you want the best for your children and so therefore everyone should assume that your choices for them are the right ones.

You make my point exactly when you say "I don't want to screw up my children's education .... I think you'd be hard-pressed to find any homeschooling parent who does". Uhmm. . . yeah, but many homeschooling parents DO screw up their children's education. There is an old saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions".

BTW, I think no matter how one educates their children, there is a tremendous responsibility on the part of the parents, and a lot of parents of public and private school children screw up their children's education, too. But at least there's a bit of a safety net in that the child isn't wholly reliant on the parent for their education as in a homeschooling situation.

I can see what you're saying. And you're right .... parents screw up their children, both homeschoolers and public schoolers. I'd like to think they don't do it on purpose, but I couldn't say for sure because I don't know 'em.

Really, unless you came to chill in our house for a few days, there's no way of you believing what I"m saying about wanting the best. I get that. :)

[Witsec7]

Lissar, I say I won't consider public schools because the schools around here are crap. Seriously. They just published how "well" they've done in their testing this year in the local paper and I had to laugh at the results. Not because I'm looking down my nose at them .... but because you'd be hard-pressed to find scores above the 50% range. So I actually do think I can provide a better education for our girls at home than they'd get in the school system here.

Have you considered sending your children to public schools and continuing homeschooling? I ask because most committed parents I know don't just leave their children's educations up to districts. Many of us who have had kids in public schools continue educating our children when they are home. We just considered it personalized instruction and part of our responsibility as parents.

BTW I gave you a pretty sparky cake at your request. Not something I typically do. I'd appreciate you answering my question about why you are fearful of exposing your kids to diversity.edited to note I just saw the answer to my question

[Anise]

We just got insecure in ourselves with all the crap stuff that's happened in the course of our marriage. And we saw all sorts of *different* ways Christians live on the internet. And well, we were easily influenced. We'd try to be like what some would call "liberal Christians" .... then we'd get back involved with the "ultra conservative Christians" .... and back and forth, back and forth. And the rest is pretty well known to y'all lol

I know exactly what you mean. After joining some communities online, I came across people more fundie than I had been used to (and I grew up in a fundie-lite family), and it was hard to deal with all the pressures to be "holy" and "pure". For months, I felt secretly so guilty that I didn't wear a headcovering because their arguments made so much sense- that is, until I started reading other perspectives. The only reason I hadn't been flip-flopping is I'm lazy and I don't have a lot of control over my life. So yeah, you're not alone. Anyways, you're free to be as liberal a Christian as you like around here. ;)

[Sola]

Have you considered sending your children to public schools and continuing homeschooling? I ask because most committed parents I know don't just leave their children's educations up to districts. Many of us who have had kids in public schools continue educating our children when they are home. We just considered it personalized instruction and part of our responsibility as parents.

BTW I gave you a pretty sparky cake at your request. Not something I typically do. I'd appreciate you answering my question about why you are fearful of exposing your kids to diversity.

Can you do flexi-schooling in the USA? A few families here in the UK do it, although it isn't that well known. The kids attend school part-time and are home educated the rest of the time.

[fluttershies]

Hi Brandy :)

There's a website called offbeatmama.com which I think you might find useful - they have info and articles on homeschooling and parenting on a budget as well as other parenting topics.

I am not a parent so I don't feel qualified to talk about the merits of homeschooling v public school, however I am concerned about you saying that you want your kids to be able to get into higher education if they want to. What are the homeschool regulations where you live? Will your kids get a GED? It is near-impossible to get into college without some concrete qualifications. Non-accredited colleges are a waste of time, quite frankly. Even training college for trades surely require at least a GED. They may just be pieces of paper, but those pieces of paper can unlock so many doors in your kids' future - even your future if you wanted to go back to school! Not to say all homeschoolers have this mindset, but certainly I've noticed a lot of anti-academia in fundie homeschooling circles, and that worries me.

I'm glad you decided to join us.

[brandyc]

Honestly I would love to do that if I could and I knew it would go towards improving your childrens' lives. Unfortunately I don't have it to spare since I have one of my younger siblings living with me right now and if I can afford it this month I need to buy clothes for the two of them that are still at home with my mother.

And your money is yours to do with as you see fit, but it seems to me that putting money towards having transportation available for your kids might have been a better investment than eleventy pounds of wheat berries and a load of tea. If that's actually important to you.

Oh, that wasn't a serious question.

You're right. We could have taken a few hundred out of the tax return and gotten the van registered and insured. We weren't sure at that time if we were wanting to keep the van or sell it and get something that's better on gas. We've decided to just go ahead and keep it, though. So, like I said by the end of the month ... or maybe even sooner ... we'll be back on the road.

Jason's got a week of vacation time coming at the beginning of May and we've already got all sorts of fun stuff planned to do with the girls. Top of the list is maybe taking a trip on down to Denver and going to the zoo and cool stuff down there. :)

[brandyc]

Oh how I have been waiting for this moment.

Hi Brandy, I am glad you have enjoyed some of the cake and hope it is enough to make you get another slice and chill a bit.

I was, well still am in a similar predicament as you are. Flip flopping between fundie tendencies and nonsense and then seeing how ridiculous it all is and running for the hills. I, like you, have children too and they are my driving force to be far far away from all things fundie. I was once on the Candy bandwagon, but she also dropped me once I *gasp* donned a pair of jeans for the first time in a few years and did something similar with the whole "my husband said" thing. (btw Candy, nobody cares about you that much, honey. Seriously.) Anyway I see a lot of you in me, I also isolated myself from friends and family and am just now really reconnecting and enjoying them all, and exposing my kids (who are still itty bitties) to life and joy and most of all the freedom Christ died for. I bought into the perfect family image too, I didn't let my children play in dirt or be seen anything less than fully dressed and perfect for a long time (even coordinated my poor husband's outfits with ours for a while :? ) they missed out on NORMAL childhood things because I was selfishly seeking perfection and false salvation stemmed in unnecessary WORKS. You can lead and be an example to those around you in Christ and not be a carbon copy of the Candy-types who are so far into legalism that they are not FREE. Sure, some of these women are genuine and it works fine for them and their family, but there are probably far more women dying inside and losing their joy steadily.

In short, be YOU Brandy, the unique creation you are. If you like to wear skirts and coverings, whatever, do it. If you want to wear jeans and a sweatshirt and grow dreads (which are fun btw ;) DO IT. Do what you want, it is your life, love you family, raise up your children, and live. Make yourself happy, and the RIGHT people will be happy for you.

Thank you.

There's all sorts of craziness going on here right now lol! I've got one still in her jammies, one running around in a shirt only, my living room is a mess, and I'm high enjoying my yoga pants and baggy tshirt while I'm trying my hardest to keep up with all these comments ROFL

And you're right. The right people have always been super happy when we've been doing what's enjoyable and right for us -- which, btw has never been "fundie" stuff.

Jason's been debating tweeting something along the lines of conservative Christianity being the worst thing that's ever happened to his family hahaha

[Witsec6]

In short, be YOU Brandy, the unique creation you are. If you like to wear skirts and coverings, whatever, do it. If you want to wear jeans and a sweatshirt and grow dreads (which are fun btw ;) DO IT. Do what you want, it is your life, love you family, raise up your children, and live. Make yourself happy, and the RIGHT people will be happy for you.

QFT. Seriously, I've been following you through your many blogs for a few years (which sounds super creepy now that i type it out...) because I actually LIKE you. You are funny and creative, you have cute kids, and your husband obviously ADORES you! I'm the one who sits in the front row cheering "Go Brandy!" when I see that you're enjoying a few beers every now and then, or reading Twilight because it's fun (and hey, it hasn't turned you evil yet now, has it?), or growing dreds, or taking your girls to the library! Who you are is awesome, and if you let yourself be YOU, you'll find it pretty easy to make friends :)

AWANA is a Christian organization similar to scouting: http://awana.org/on/demandware.store/Si ... ault-Start

I bet if you talked to the local Girl Scout leaders/Awana leaders they'd help you find rides for your girls.... there must be a *few* families in your trailer court who can carpool. I can tell you, I ADORED being a guide. My leaders Doris and Joanne were like special aunts to me, and I am still friends with some of the girls I guided with!

[brandyc]

Seriously, do you not see the irony here? You can't afford to get your van fixed so that you can do what you say you know is important and needful for your kids, but you bought all that bulk food.

*ETA: For "fixed" read - registered, insured, whatever it is that needs to happen.

Yeah, lol, I actually do see the irony there. And in other things we've done.

Like I said on my blog, we've been kind of stupid. And made a lot of really stupid mistakes.

I've actually thought about grinding up a few of those buckets of wheat and taking it on over to the nearest homeless shelter as a donation. Because what the freaking heck was I thinking having this huge stockpile?! sort of thoughts.

I get it. Trust me, I do.

[Austin]

Have you considered sending your children to public schools and continuing homeschooling? I ask because most committed parents I know don't just leave their children's educations up to districts. Many of us who have had kids in public schools continue educating our children when they are home. We just considered it personalized instruction and part of our responsibility as parents.

This is absolutely the way that committed public school parents view their children's education. We were extremely committed to our children getting a good education and we spent hours with our children outside of the school day, enriching their learning experiences, offering more one-on-one time than can be offered in the classroom setting, and giving them opportunities to be involved in all sorts of different cultural and educational activities. We took responsibility for their education, and my personal opinion is that the reason many public schools are struggling is because so many parents do not.

PS and not directed at experiencedd - AWANA and Girl Scouts should not be mentioned in the same sentence. AWANA is nothing more than more fundamentalist brainwashing. BTDT.

[Anise]

There's a website called offbeatmama.com which I think you might find useful - they have info and articles on homeschooling and parenting on a budget as well as other parenting topics.

I second this recommendation. Offbeatmama is awesome! :D

[Witsec7]

experiencedd, lol ... yeah, I came across as a big douchebag on that "ask me anything" post, didn't I? I'm not opposed to exposing our girls to diversity of thought. We start them out in Christian things primarily to give them a strong foundation of our Faith. As any parent with any sort of belief/Faith usually does. But we talk about other religions, we watch TV with all sorts of people living however they're happiest, they're exposed to people who don't live or believe like us {my family, people in public, etc}. I actually have plans to, as they get older, studying other religions more .... maybe have them take a class or two in the public school .... maybe encourage them to go to college, if they so desire .... so they'd definitely be exposed to people of all sorts of Faith and thought. And if I do my job right, they'll love them all as we Christians are supposed to .... and they won't be as judging as Jason and I have been, off and on, in the past. Does that make sense?

Time for me to call bullshit, had you not scrubbed your blog I'd rub your nose in your lies. You were quite specific that your kids had no friends or playmates. You were quite clear that you and your spouse were not social. You were quite clear that the only folks you associated with were people who thought the same as you. The real world doesn't work that way. Talking to children about 'differences' or 'others' is not socialization. It does not teach kids who are virtually isolated how to get along with others. Interaction does.

You teach what you live, and for some reason you think religion is the bees knees and the most important thing you can instill in them. Well, sounds like your parents went for the firm foundation in faith, and it didn't seem to work for you did it? You're also discussing this in the future tense. Be here now. Do it now. You're so full of bullshit plans for the future that you let your children's present escape you.

riffle

[Confused_by_religion]

I've actually thought about grinding up a few of those buckets of wheat and taking it on over to the nearest homeless shelter as a donation. Because what the freaking heck was I thinking having this huge stockpile?! sort of thoughts.

I get it. Trust me, I do.

Brandy, I would definitely keep the wheat, but only grind a small supply when needed (otherwise the flour tastes bitter soon). I've been using whole wheat and spelt berries for years, they keep forever if you keep them in tight containers, and they are much healthier than storebought flour.

[Witsec6]

Brandy, I would definitely keep the wheat, but only grind a small supply when needed (otherwise the flour tastes bitter soon). I've been using whole wheat and spelt berries for years, they keep forever if you keep them in tight containers, and they are much healthier than storebought flour.

You can also cook the berries like rice and have a delicious grain for salads or add honey and fruit to make a sweet porridge.

[brandyc]

Have you considered sending your children to public schools and continuing homeschooling? I ask because most committed parents I know don't just leave their children's educations up to districts. Many of us who have had kids in public schools continue educating our children when they are home. We just considered it personalized instruction and part of our responsibility as parents.

BTW I gave you a pretty sparky cake at your request. Not something I typically do. I'd appreciate you answering my question about why you are fearful of exposing your kids to diversity.edited to note I just saw the answer to my question

I'm glad you saw that. Y'all are FAST here ... I"m trying my hardest to keep up and answer everyone. :lol:

We haven't thought of sending our children to public schools and supplementing their education at home, no. I talked about why in another comment I posted here. We have, however, thought about allowing the girls to go to a class or two at the public school, yes.

[brandyc]

Brandy, I had my son when I was about your age so I really empathize with how hard it is to raise a child when one is so young and still so insecure about one's place in the world. I think it took me ten years to really find out who I am and where I fit in. I think coming from a family with a more extreme mindset (as yours seems to have been) must make it even more difficult.

I agree with the others that finding a community or family of choice is crucial. For various reasons, I didn't have one and I think it made my whole situation much more difficult, and my son would have needed a lot more other adults around (it takes a village ;) ).

Anyway, all the best to you!

It's in the works. We're trying to reconcile with family. All of my side has been cool so far .... and as Jason's family gets online, they're accepting friend requests and all that too. Family is important and we definitely want our children knowing extended family. They deserve to be able to make their own choices about who they want in their lives. And they absolutely love our extended family.

Heck, as screwed up as my childhood was .... I love the crap out of my family. And Jason really loves his too. We were just idiots to cut 'em out for no reason. Glad it's being fixed.

And, as we're able to get on the road more, we'll get more involved with the community and stuff too.

Heck, we might even check out a church or two. :o

;-)

[brandyc]

I know exactly what you mean. After joining some communities online, I came across people more fundie than I had been used to (and I grew up in a fundie-lite family), and it was hard to deal with all the pressures to be "holy" and "pure". For months, I felt secretly so guilty that I didn't wear a headcovering because their arguments made so much sense- that is, until I started reading other perspectives. The only reason I hadn't been flip-flopping is I'm lazy and I don't have a lot of control over my life. So yeah, you're not alone. Anyways, you're free to be as liberal a Christian as you like around here. ;)

Yes! Exactly.

Jason actually said the other day that while the conservative {or fundie as y'all call 'em} Christians may be nice people, we need to stay the heck away from all of their blogs. No more back and forth.

Sola, I answered your part-time public schooling question somewhere else in your reply to someone else on here. Didn't want you thinking I was ignoring your question :)

[formerlyfundie]

Jason's been debating tweeting something along the lines of conservative Christianity being the worst thing that's ever happened to his family hahaha

It's the worst thing that's ever happened to mine...

Fundamentalism is a sad system. It basically slaps Jesus' sacrifice in the face and says it wasn't good enough (my husband said that to me recently and it was a :idea: moment). I understand living to a certain moral code and doing that you think is "Christian", but when you lose your individuality and blend into a crowd of thoughtless robots who just spew out exactly what the person before them just said without rational thought as to WHY (which is the EVILLLLL question among fundies) then you've lost sight of it all. When I started asking WHY I felt the way I did instead of just basically copying and pasting others' thought and interpretations of things, (ESPECIALLY Biblically) my whole life changed, my whole faith changed.

I still get guilted in sometimes, but have a great group of friends and a wonderful man who grab me by my jean pockets and pull me back out. THEY know what is best for me because they honestly KNOW me. Sure, internet friends can be "real" friends but a majority of them are a pic and a few words on a profile.

I know you can find happiness and I wish you the best. Freedom is a good thing, and no matter what your so called fundie friends say, a true friend is happy for you no matter what and hangs with you, they don't ditch you because of petty things like a blog entry.