Maxwell 45: Steve Flaunting His Vest Deferens

[Alisamer]

22 hours ago, fundiewatch said:

Someone posted in the blog comments that they are expecting a pregnancy announcement from Jesse and Anna, and another reader echoed that. Sarah replied that they are waiting and that God’s time is perfect. I’m suuuper surprised they let that through. It’s a very sex-adjacent topic. 

I'm not. Literally their entire lives for the last few decades have been based upon the fertility status of Steve's testicles. Which he talks about. Sometimes at weddings. 

See also: Steve's obsession with boobs (contrasting buttons, low necklines causing him to cry, etc.)

I still maintain Steve's a perv. The girls probably know more about sex than you'd think, just from wondering what made dad have a freakout this time and finding out it's the neighbor out by her own pool in a swimsuit. Who he just had to not only look at but post about, rather than just looking the other direction.

[Katzchen24]

1 hour ago, Black Aliss said:

I'll just leave this here in case the spirit moves someone to make a Maxwell bingo card. https://www.yahoo.com/news/nice-50-funniest-euphemisms-masturbation-155315935.html

 

I nearly blurt-laughed my coffee. #4 on the list of funniest euphemisms for masturbation was "Marching the penguin." This tells me very little about the Maxwells, but potentially a LOT about the Arndts..... 

[IReallyAmHopewell]

1 hour ago, Katzchen24 said:

I nearly blurt-laughed my coffee. #4 on the list of funniest euphemisms for masturbation was "Marching the penguin." This tells me very little about the Maxwells, but potentially a LOT about the Arndts..... 

I'll never see the Arndt's name again without seeing a very pale penguin strut it's stuff ?

[Bethy]

On 2/1/2021 at 11:36 AM, louannems said:

I'm surprised Sarah didn't mention her dog barking when the visitors let themselves in.  Don't all dogs do that?

The dog has one 15-minute block each day during which she is permitted to bark.

[Jana814]

8 minutes ago, Bethy said:

The dog has one 15-minute block each day during which she is permitted to bark.

Sounds like someone that would expect from the dog. I’m a dog walker/pet sitter. I have had dogs that bark all the time & some that never bark. 

[PennySycamore]

My dogs bark all the time. Dachshunds can be very vocal (I think I've heard their bark described as spurlaut or sharp loud) and Trinket taught Gwen how to bark.  Anyway, the dogs always let me know if someone is approaching the house.  Except last week, when the package arrived from Chewy.  Then they didn't utter a peep.  

[NancyDrewFan1989]

1 hour ago, Jana814 said:

Sounds like someone that would expect from the dog. I’m a dog walker/pet sitter. I have had dogs that bark all the time & some that never bark. 

Plus, chances are Ellie is familiar with Jesse and Anna. She probably didn't feel the need to bark to announce visitors as she recognized them. Also, Jesse and Anna frequently visit the Maxwell homestead. Ellie probably didn't bark because they aren't complete strangers to her. 

[Dominionatrix]

To clarify, Sarah didn’t say Jesse and Anna are waiting to have kids, but instead said it will be wonderful when they have an announcement. 

What really got me is that Sarah heard a suspicious sound but didn’t check it out because nobody was scheduled to come over. I’m just imagining someone breaking into the Maxwell home and nobody investigates it because a break-in isn’t on the schedule! 

[danvillebelle]

11 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

My dogs bark all the time. Dachshunds can be very vocal (I think I've heard their bark described as spurlaut or sharp loud) 

Indeed.  We have a chiweenie (half dachshund).  We often joke that the way she would keep an intruder out is by instantly deafening them.  Her initial bark/howl when there is a knock or something outside startles her is so loud it never fails to make me jump and my heartrate to skyrocket.  

[FiveAcres]

12 hours ago, Jana814 said:

Sounds like someone that would expect from the dog. I’m a dog walker/pet sitter. I have had dogs that bark all the time & some that never bark. 

Our second Collie (an adult rehome) was very quiet. This surprised us because our first Collie, raised from a puppy, never lost an opportunity to tell us that Timmy was down the well. 

[fundiefan]

11 hours ago, Dominionatrix said:

What really got me is that Sarah heard a suspicious sound but didn’t check it out because nobody was scheduled to come over. I’m just imagining someone breaking into the Maxwell home and nobody investigates it because a break-in isn’t on the schedule! 

What kind of bubble have they decided they live in? 

Just this weekend during an epic snowstorm someone was ringing my doorbell. I wasn't expecting anyone. It was snowing cats & dogs outside. I certainly didn't have a schedule to check to see if anyone was on the docket for the day. So, in the middle of cleaning my freaking bathroom, I answered the door. 

It was a cousin who lives a few miles mile away from me. While driving home, on the street I live on, her car did something funky and stalled in the snow. She came to my door to get inside & wait for the tow rather than sitting in her car, which she'd managed to get to the side of the road. Because of the snow that day, the wait was almost 3 hours. 

How awful would it have been if I hadn't gone to the door because I wasn't expecting anyone? Because no visitors were on the schedule?

We have other relatives near by; she has friends & neighbors. (her husband was out of town for work). She no doubt would have gotten home or warm if I had been a Maxwell schedule freak; she wasn't stranded in the wilds of the wilderness in a blizzard. But I was the closest & easiest and things went smoothly under the circumstances.

[smittykins]

18 hours ago, Katzchen24 said:

I nearly blurt-laughed my coffee. #4 on the list of funniest euphemisms for masturbation was "Marching the penguin." This tells me very little about the Maxwells, but potentially a LOT about the Arndts..... 

“I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love/And I have to use the self-service pumps”—Weird Al, “One More Minute”

[MamaJunebug]

13 hours ago, Dominionatrix said:

To clarify, Sarah didn’t say Jesse and Anna are waiting to have kids, but instead said it will be wonderful when they have an announcement. 

What really got me is that Sarah heard a suspicious sound but didn’t check it out because nobody was scheduled to come over. I’m just imagining someone breaking into the Maxwell home and nobody investigates it because a break-in isn’t on the schedule! 

I have images of Robbert the cheerful SimpliSafe spokesburglar ringing the Maxsion with his happy, well modulated voice: “Hi, homeowners! Robbert here. Did you know SimpliSafe can now schedule your next home invasion, or burglary, or general misadventure? Sure! SimpliSafe — when your schedule needs a break...in!”

Edited February 4, 2021 by MamaJunebug

[CyborgKin]

Since we're on the topic

 

[mango_fandango]

New post up about Abby, Bethany and Christina spending their Hobby Lobby gift cards. 
Dang, Abby is tall! She’s about the same height as Steve. Although I don’t know how tall Steve is. 
 

[IsmeWeatherwax]

My friend had the most wonderful collie, Oscar, he passed last year. He didnt bark, the only time he made a noise was if my friends husband was out she was home alone. If someone knocked the door he would go into the hallway and say woof. He actually said woof, it was soo funny, he was amazing and we miss him ?

[Nothing if not critical]

14 minutes ago, IsmeWeatherwax said:

He actually said woof, it was soo funny,

That's so cute! It's like, someone explained to him that that's what dogs do, so he did his best to live up to the expectations ?.

[LilMissMetaphor]

Quote

If you have read our blog long

Gahhhhh, none of the Maxwells can write.  Blog long? Big schlong? Long bong?  Ding dong?

Why would you say "gifting (someone) with gift cards for Christmas" when you could just say "gave them gift cards"?

The girls were not "all interested in cards".  ALL the girls were interested.  Fucking learn to write if you want to call yourself an educator.  This is my biggest pet peeve, it's like the "everyone always isn't going to like you" when what you mean is "not everyone is always going to like you."

What time you picked the girls up isn't relevant.

Steve can't have one cheat meal with his grandkids? Is that going to kill him? 

*this doesn't look "heart-healthy" to me, but whatever.  

Edited February 5, 2021 by LilMissMetaphor
added pic

[jeansonly]

We have to dogs.  Both rescues.  The older one is a shih tzu.  The younger is a shih tzu, possibly with some maltese.  

Our older dog very rarely barks.  She will go for months without a bark and when she does it's one or two yips. Usually if she's been outside and gotten her leash tangled and wants back inside but can't reach the patio door to scratch at it.

The younger one barks at anything and everything.  All day long.  Other dogs, the mail lady, garbage men, Amazon driver, neighbors, random mom with baby stroller walking down the street, hubby coming home from work.  

Wait, I lied.  She doesn't bark at squirrels or rabbits.  ?‍♀️ She will however bark when deer wander through our backyard.  

[Hane]

1 hour ago, LilMissMetaphor said:

Gahhhhh, none of the Maxwells can write.  Blog long? Big schlong? Long bong?  Ding dong?

Why would you say "gifting (someone) with gift cards for Christmas" when you could just say "gave them gift cards"?

What time you picked the girls up isn't relevant.

Steve can't have one cheat meal with his grandkids? Is that going to kill him?

1) Because simply saying “gave them gift cards” would be a dead giveaway that you may have been guilty of reading for pleasure.

2) Yes, the time is relevant! God forbid you deviate from The Schedule (TM) and infringe on Bible Time (TM).

3) Yes, it would kill him. It would kill his SOUL.

[IsmeWeatherwax]

@Nothing if not critical he also sang happy birthday to get his birthday sausages, and he would bow if he wanted something!  He was a wonderful dog

[FloraKitty35]

(Awful beliefs aside), I enjoyed reading NR Anna's blog posts much more than Sarah's. 

I like that photo of Debi & Ellie.  I like Ellie looking the other way while Debi gives side eye, refuses to smile, and has the little legging that's pushed up.  

 

[Nothing if not critical]

1 hour ago, IsmeWeatherwax said:

@Nothing if not critical he also sang happy birthday to get his birthday sausages, and he would bow if he wanted something!  He was a wonderful dog

He sounds lovely. No wonder you miss him.
Makes me miss the dog I had as a teen. He was a born performer as well, would do jumps and raise his paws and do all kinds of tricks. And when we had kids around we'd hide his toys and he'd make a great show of searching for them even though he knew exactly where they were. Sigh. Such a good boy.

[Wolf in Sheeples’ Clothing]

I have corgis. They. Do. Not. Stop. Barking. 

[SPHASH]

I noticed and maybe it's because of AM's health issues but Ruthie wasn't part of this annual shopping junket.  She is the same age Tina was a couple of years ago when they started this and I'd think she'd enjoy it.