Maxwell 45: Steve Flaunting His Vest Deferens

[CyborgKin]

Maybe I missed the boat on the hair discussion, but my straight hair went wavy for a month or so when it grew back after chemo.  I kinda miss it, cos it was super soft too.

 

Yeah the anniversary book-promo post is just... sad.  So's Sarah's writing.  The scary thing is that she's probably unaware of how bad it is because she doesn't read good books.

[allyisyourpally5]

Thinking about it though, Sarah DOES NOT know what there is to talk about other than family, homeschooling, the Bible and abortion. She doesn’t know any TV or books or celebrities or news from around the globe. She doesn’t have any hobbies. Yes she’s been around the country but that’s generally been to churches - the occasional tourist spot in the midst of that. Colorado trip is identical each year. She doesn’t know what it’s like to sit with friend and reminisce about the dumb things you did in the past because she didn’t do any of those things.

Just this morning, me and my friends on our WhatsApp group (we’ve known each other since preschool) were having a joke about our old Spice Girls “band” and talking about where we will go for our annual girls weekend when the country opens up a bit more. We joked about Vegas and the ones with kids were all set to leave them at home! These kind of concepts I don’t honestly think exist in Sarah’s head - all there is to talk about is “serious” subjects.

 

Likewise, sorry Sarah but cooking for your parents on a special day is definitely not new or your invention. Sweet all the same, I think it was a lovely thing for Mel and Nathan’s kids to do - and from the eyes of the child, they’re doing it as a gift and out of love. But it’s not unique, we all know that. I remember plenty of times on birthdays, Mother’s Day, Fathers Day etc taking up what o though was a lovely breakfast in bed to my parents. Making them cake and cookies. Tons of kids do it. I think I actually copied The Simpsons in the idea the first time. 
 

I don’t think Sarah realises that other kids also love their parents. Just like she believes the Maxwells are unique in loving each other. She’s been raised to believe their way is the only formula to have a loving home.

 

Agree, Melanie for sure looks like the classic “oh lovely I must eat this - gee I hope they didn’t pick their nose and they washed their hands first - I’ll take a few bites and move it round the plate and order pizza when they’re in bed bust best mom smile on!” And every other parent with a sense of humour can quietly laugh at this as they’ve had to it too about a hundred times.

 

The Moody dialogue reminds me of the Famous Five books - did you have those in America?

No the Moodys do not seem like the perfect family. They seem like a family stuck in a robotic rut controlled by a narcissist male who has verbally and emotionally squashed every member to a pulp of who they are. Like a real family we know.

 

[LurkerOverThePond]

1 hour ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

The Moody dialogue reminds me of the Famous Five books - did you have those in America?

Not American here, but yes, it does. BUT the Famous Five certainly ate much better than the Maxwells!

[Hane]

When the Maxhellions were kids, Stevehovah was so careful to point out everything that’s even slightly “wrong” with other people that now Sarah is convinced that the way she was raised is the only safe and decent one, and that all other families are bitter, dysfunctional, and constantly at each other’s throats.

In other news, I’ve unlocked the mystery of This ‘n’ That:

 

[Tatar-tot]

Chemo curls are very common during and after.  As your body returns to normal your hair returns to its natural state.

[fundiefan]

Sweet baby jebus that except is terrible. Not just the writing, but the structure. There is zero flow. It was all "set up" for dad & mom to comment on their greatness - no complaining, being saved, blah, blah, blah. 

Maxhell is a sad, dark, stunted place to exist.

[fundiewatch]

Anna and Mary have hosted this dinner for Nathan and Melanie before. Lengthy blog post included grocery shoppping and borrowing the family van to take the girls. They were all very excited and Sarah was along as the photographer. They stuck, that time, to lasagna, salad, and garlic bread so Abby is actually going way way out here. Abby may be the rebel. 

[Joe Pukepail]

2 hours ago, Hane said:

When the Maxhellions were kids, Stevehovah was so careful to point out everything that’s even slightly “wrong” with other people that now Sarah is convinced that the way she was raised is the only safe and decent one, and that all other families are bitter, dysfunctional, and constantly at each other’s throats.

In other news, I’ve unlocked the mystery of This ‘n’ That:

 

Butterscotch pudding is Satan's effluvium.

[kpmom]

I love how Sarah sort of describes “This ‘n That” in the comments, but is sure to tell the poster the rest of the recipe is “in the book”. ?

Sarah might actually make a good sales person if she ever has to make a living. She’s got some sales techniques down 

[Black Aliss]

17 hours ago, Joe Pukepail said:

I'm very clumsy, partly because I can only see out of one eye and don't have depth perception. When I moved into my current apartment, my grandma gave me a box of unused drinking glasses. They ended up being single use. I don't know if the glass was especially brittle or what, but I destroyed the entire box of 20+ glasses in under a month.

Molded glass, as it ages, does appear to become more brittle. And dishwashers, because they get the glass quite hot, and then it cools back down also makes it more brittle. That's why you can have a set of glassware for years and not break a single piece, then within a matter of weeks every one breaks. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it)

[freejugar]

I like reading the Moody bokos because they give us a glimpse of what life is actually like in Maxhell

[NoseyNellie]

Based on the *amazing description*  I assume something like this?

https://www.5boysbaker.com/butterscotch-pudding-dessert/

 

And that Supper photo of Melanie is so not flattering!  Poor lady.. leave her alone with her taco and bowl of guac! 

[Bethy]

43 minutes ago, NoseyNellie said:

Based on the *amazing description*  I assume something like this?

https://www.5boysbaker.com/butterscotch-pudding-dessert/

It's similar. I have Spring with the Moodys so here's the actual recipe from the book:

FIRST LAYER

1 1/2 packages graham crackers, crushed
1 stick of butter, melted

Crush graham crackers with a rolling pin until they become thick crumbs. Melt the butter. Mix the cracker crumbs and butter together, then spread evenly in the bottom of a 9x13 pan. Set the pan in the freezer to harden while the next layer is being mixed.

SECOND LAYER

1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup Cool Whip (purchase large container of Cool Whip; use the extra as the topping)
8 ounce package cream cheese

Soften cream cheese. Mix cream cheese, Cool Whip, and powdered sugar together until smooth. Take crust out of freezer and spread Cool Whip mixture evenly on the crust. Set in the refrigerator.

THIRD LAYER

2 small packages butterscotch instant pudding
3 3/4 cups cold milk

Pour pudding mix into a bowl and add milk. Beat until thoroughly mixed. Pour mixture onto the next layer. Put the pan back into the refrigerator until the pudding is firm, about a half hour.

Spread the extra Cool Whip as the final layer. Place in refrigerator.

[Nothing if not critical]

Ugh. That sounds... heavy. I can practically feel my cholesterol levels rise just from reading the recipe...

[NoseyNellie]

4 minutes ago, Nothing if not critical said:

Ugh. That sounds... heavy. I can practically feel my cholesterol levels rise just from reading the recipe...

I hate butterscotch but have made desserts like this with chocolate and it is yum!  Not a daily thing but enjoyable as a treat!  

[anachronistic]

Jesus gave the kids the idea? Really? If a kid said that to me I would correct their pronunciation and then ask if Jésus was a friend from school, the park, camp, church, wherever. You know, places kids go. (Or went, pre-covid.) The vast majority of kids get ideas from media and from people they meet outside their immediate family. Since Sarah isn’t allowed the same freedoms as your average 4 year old she must have had to think very hard of where a kid could get an idea, and, oh! Good old Jesus gets the credit as usual.

[Bethy]

18 minutes ago, Nothing if not critical said:

Ugh. That sounds... heavy. I can practically feel my cholesterol levels rise just from reading the recipe...

Yes, but in the very next part of the dialogue it's clarified that the Maxwells Moodys have gone over a year without making it. Decadent and horribly unhealthy, yes, but they made sure to clarify that they don't have it often!

 

13 minutes ago, NoseyNellie said:

I hate butterscotch but have made desserts like this with chocolate and it is yum!  Not a daily thing but enjoyable as a treat!  

I'm imagining it with chocolate graham crackers and chocolate pudding, and I think I could get behind that.

Edited January 31, 2021 by Bethy

[Nothing if not critical]

I really don't mind the occasional treat (hey, I started my day with apple muffins), but I find that I no longer care for the really heavy, fatty stuff (a stick of butter AND cream cheese AND cool whip, plus butterscotch, that just makes my stomach recoil in fear). I'd try and go with a lighter substitute, maybe use yoghurt and add some fruit. Or chocolate. But hey, that's just me. I do understand the urge for something nice and unhealthy, I'd just go about it differently.

Edited January 31, 2021 by Nothing if not critical

[Coconut Flan]

1 hour ago, Bethy said:

It's similar. I have Spring with the Moodys so here's the actual recipe from the book:

FIRST LAYER

1 1/2 packages graham crackers, crushed
1 stick of butter, melted

Crush graham crackers with a rolling pin until they become thick crumbs. Melt the butter. Mix the cracker crumbs and butter together, then spread evenly in the bottom of a 9x13 pan. Set the pan in the freezer to harden while the next layer is being mixed.

SECOND LAYER

1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup Cool Whip (purchase large container of Cool Whip; use the extra as the topping)
8 ounce package cream cheese

Soften cream cheese. Mix cream cheese, Cool Whip, and powdered sugar together until smooth. Take crust out of freezer and spread Cool Whip mixture evenly on the crust. Set in the refrigerator.

THIRD LAYER

2 small packages butterscotch instant pudding
3 3/4 cups cold milk

Pour pudding mix into a bowl and add milk. Beat until thoroughly mixed. Pour mixture onto the next layer. Put the pan back into the refrigerator until the pudding is firm, about a half hour.

Spread the extra Cool Whip as the final layer. Place in refrigerator.

I know this dessert with chocolate pudding and chocolate chips.  It was called Sin when it was passed along to me.  The Maxwells would not take well to that.

[MamaJunebug]

1 hour ago, Bethy said:

It's similar. I have Spring with the Moodys so here's the actual recipe from the book:

FIRST LAYER

1 1/2 packages graham crackers, crushed
1 stick of butter, melted

Crush graham crackers with a rolling pin until they become thick crumbs. Melt the butter. Mix the cracker crumbs and butter together, then spread evenly in the bottom of a 9x13 pan. Set the pan in the freezer to harden while the next layer is being mixed.

SECOND LAYER

1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup Cool Whip (purchase large container of Cool Whip; use the extra as the topping)
8 ounce package cream cheese

Soften cream cheese. Mix cream cheese, Cool Whip, and powdered sugar together until smooth. Take crust out of freezer and spread Cool Whip mixture evenly on the crust. Set in the refrigerator.

THIRD LAYER

2 small packages butterscotch instant pudding
3 3/4 cups cold milk

Pour pudding mix into a bowl and add milk. Beat until thoroughly mixed. Pour mixture onto the next layer. Put the pan back into the refrigerator until the pudding is firm, about a half hour.

Spread the extra Cool Whip as the final layer. Place in refrigerator.

@Bethy you win Top Member of the Resistance In Maxhell Award for January !!

Remember how Steve rather hotly rejected the idea of the Maxwell Literary Opus being available in public libraries?  Why, people would get their great snd glorious wisdom without paying Steve! 
 

 The horror!

One of these days, imma order the complete set, and upon receipt, donate it to our local public library system. It’s a start. When I do, I expect to receive that month’s Top Member of the Resistance In Maxhell Award, oh yes I do.

1 hour ago, NoseyNellie said:

I hate butterscotch but have made desserts like this with chocolate and it is yum!  Not a daily thing but enjoyable as a treat!  

I love butterscotch but not with Cool Whip. NOTHING with Cool Whip fir me, thanks. 
 

Which prompts a question: why don’t recipes like these used whipped cream? I’ve always wondered. 

[Bethy]

1 hour ago, Coconut Flan said:

I know this dessert with chocolate pudding and chocolate chips.  It was called Sin when it was passed along to me.  The Maxwells would not take well to that.

I wonder if it DID come to them with a name like Sin, so the Maxwells renamed it "This-n-That"?

1 hour ago, MamaJunebug said:

Which prompts a question: why don’t recipes like these used whipped cream? I’ve always wondered. 

I think the link that @NoseyNellie posted stated that you COULD use whipped cream, but it would need to be eaten fairly immediately because the whipped cream would lose loft quickly and not stand up like the Cool Whip would.

1 hour ago, MamaJunebug said:

@Bethy you win Top Member of the Resistance In Maxhell Award for January !!

Thank you! I'm honored, but you should know that I own the first four Moody books only because I bought them used online. Y'know, buying used and saving the difference and all that, which is a concept the Maxes embrace, except when it comes to people getting their books without them getting a cut of the $$!

ETA Maybe this makes me MORE of a member of the resistance...

Edited January 31, 2021 by Bethy

[NoseyNellie]

When I googled the ingredients for a recipe the one site talked about this dessert also being knowns as * better than sex* which gave me a big chuckle.. cause the dessert I have always made known as Better than sex was:

Bake a 9*13 chocolate cake.  While still warm poke it full of holes- either with larger straw or end of a chopstick.. Pour the majority of a warmed jar of hot fudge sauce and a warmed jar of caramel sauce over top.  When the cake is cooled top with cool whip or homemade whipped cream.  Stream the remainder of the sauces over the top to decorate and then top with chopped up heath or score bars!  

[Black Aliss]

1 hour ago, MamaJunebug said:

I love butterscotch but not with Cool Whip. NOTHING with Cool Whip fir me, thanks. 
 

Which prompts a question: why don’t recipes like these used whipped cream? I’ve always wondered. 

I am always worthy of a Werther's but that's as far as my butterscotch jones goes. As for Cool Whip I cannot handle that oil slick that forms on the roof of my mouth and tongue, 

Two reasons for not using whipped cream: cost, and the belief that manufactured foods are somehow better for you than <gasp> animal fats. In my family of origin there are two siblings who eat margerine, Cool Whip, and CoffeeMate, and two of us who consider butter and heavy cream as kitchen essentials. Guess which two are on statins and have had to have stents placed in their arteries.

29 minutes ago, NoseyNellie said:

When I googled the ingredients for a recipe the one site talked about this dessert also being knowns as * better than sex* which gave me a big chuckle.. cause the dessert I have always made known as Better than sex was:

Bake a 9*13 chocolate cake.  While still warm poke it full of holes- either with larger straw or end of a chopstick.. Pour the majority of a warmed jar of hot fudge sauce and a warmed jar of caramel sauce over top.  When the cake is cooled top with cool whip or homemade whipped cream.  Stream the remainder of the sauces over the top to decorate and then top with chopped up heath or score bars!  

My heart breaks for these women who have never experienced good sex.

[MamaJunebug]

1 hour ago, Bethy said:

ETA Maybe this makes me MORE of a member of the resistance...

Abso-bloomin-lutely, it do !!!!!

Resale FTW, when it comes to Maxwell books! 

20 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

Two reasons for not using whipped cream: cost, and the belief that manufactured foods are somehow better for you than <gasp> animal fats. In my family of origin there are two siblings who eat margerine, Cool Whip, and CoffeeMate, and two of us who consider butter and heavy cream as kitchen essentials. Guess which two are on statins and have had to have stents placed in their arteries.

An acquaintance has MS and against all advice continues to eat cheese at least once daily and margarine (never butter).  

She’s one of those unfortunates whose olfactory sense cannot abide the aromas of asparagus, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower nor cabbage.  

I can’t imagine life without those plants!  How she keeps going so well, so far, I don’t know, but I’m happy that she does. 

I often say a little prayer for her as I chow down on buttery Brussels sprouts. (And  I count my many health & food-preference blessings!!)
 

 

[Hane]

My cousin often makes a version of this dessert, which we call “that pistachio thing,” for cookouts. We all look forward to it!