Bontragers/Bowers 6: Allison Is Married! Who Will Date Her Brothers Now?

[HereticHick]

On 9/7/2020 at 2:15 PM, Smash! said:

So by 2016 her parents started to pray for spouses meaning encouraging their children to marry

Yup. I'm curious what the trigger was in 2016-- X amount of kids age 18 and older? How old was Chelsy then?

I know that she mentioned Becky married Marlin at age 19 and as a kid she had expected to do the same.

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

Yup. I'm curious what the trigger was in 2016-- X amount of kids age 18 and older? How old was Chelsy then?

I know that she mentioned Becky married Marlin at age 19 and as a kid she had expected to do the same.

In 2016 they had 5 children between the ages of 25 and 19. Three boys and two girls. Just having half of their 10 children unmarried adults may have been the push. 

[Melissa1977]

17 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

Yup. I'm curious what the trigger was in 2016-- X amount of kids age 18 and older? How old was Chelsy then?

I know that she mentioned Becky married Marlin at age 19 and as a kid she had expected to do the same.

Chelsy was 25 and I think she was already "courtshipping" John and had a previous failed courtship. Marlin and Becky were probably anxious and praying for that relationship to succeed. But I don't think it was arranged, because both Chelsy and John looked really excited and relaxed.

I have the feeling that Bons, like Zsu, wants their BOYS to marry the sooner the better, to avoid them being free adults. In a traditional society, a married man has to work hard to provide for his growing family. Marrying, the young men cannot leave, cannot travel alone and can't even have an appartment for themselves. 

 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

On 9/7/2020 at 1:25 PM, deborahlynn1979 said:

Chelsy’s recap of Allison’s wedding is up. Notably, she had nothing to say about the actual ceremony.

I picked up on that as well. Also, the Bontragers didn't post any photos of Marlin during his sermon. They had one of Jeremiah's father, but not Marlin. It would not shock me if they got quite a bit of backlash for his speech. I'm interested in seeing what Allison has to say. For Chelsy's everyone seemed to think it was a great thing Marlin brought up Steve's vasectomy. So far, nothing on Marlins in these reviews.

[NancyDrewFan1989]

On 9/7/2020 at 1:45 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

This is horrible in my opinion. Why are they fasting and praying if they believe everything in god’s time? Isn’t it god’s decision when and if they marry? Imagine the pressure that was put on all the children when they were openly fasting and praying. No wonder Allison felt like garbage these past few years. Marlin and Becky are horrible parents.

BTW I’m not a Christian therefore I don’t believe god answered their prayers. I believe Marlin and Becky pressured and pushed those kids so bad the three boys found girls as fast as they could and went for it. The daughters had to wait around for some guy to notice them and that’s why they weren’t married as quickly.

I think the same thing as well. Reading through the courtship stories makes a lot more sense now. Chelsy had a failed courtship with an unknown man before John and when she met him she said she wasn't really interested in seeing anyone because she just got out of a relationship. Josh and Carson's courtships with Cassidy and Lina (respectively) sounds like both sets of parents were pulling strings. While Mitchell, who does admit he was attracted to Brynn, comes off as someone who wanted to take it slow with her only to find they were under pressure to get engaged. I have a feeling Chelsy's failed courtship left a bad taste in Marlin and Becky's mouth because they thought that she had found the one and Chelsy made it sound like he is the one who broke it off. So, they started praying and fasting aka pressuring the kids to start looking for potential mates. To add insult to injure both Chelsy and Allisons were reaching fundie spinster age when they got married, so that alone probably added more pressure for them to find a husband. 

20 hours ago, ophelia said:

 

Yes and luckily they found the Bowers who seemed to be just as eager to marry off their two oldest daughters. Becky and Marlin are really really horrible.

Let's face it the Bowers and Bontrager parents were behind the double wedding of their children. In both of the stories neither party seemed really interested in one another. Cass and Lina reached fundie marrying age and Josh and Carson had parents who were eager to marry them off. I am interested in seeing where all of these fundie couples are in ten years. 

[BirdgirlH]

5 hours ago, NancyDrewFan1989 said:

I picked up on that as well. Also, the Bontragers didn't post any photos of Marlin during his sermon. They had one of Jeremiah's father, but not Marlin. It would not shock me if they got quite a bit of backlash for his speech. I'm interested in seeing what Allison has to say. For Chelsy's everyone seemed to think it was a great thing Marlin brought up Steve's vasectomy. So far, nothing on Marlins in these reviews.

I highly doubt that the Bontragers themselves would dare say anything to Marlin - he's the mighty patriarch who can do no wrong *insert adoring stare*. Yes, no-one seemed happy during the ceremony, but I bet they just accept that this is how it is, since the wedding would be watched by many via live stream, it would be used as an opportunity to preach their beliefs - they'd see it as a chance to reach a wider audience! I bet when Alison thanked Marlin for speaking during the ceremony, she'd use words such as "godly", "god-fearing", "powerful" etc. From the pictures it looked like her moment to shine was off camera, at the reception.

10 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Chelsy was 25 and I think she was already "courtshipping" John and had a previous failed courtship. Marlin and Becky were probably anxious and praying for that relationship to succeed. But I don't think it was arranged, because both Chelsy and John looked really excited and relaxed.

From what I picked up from a comment somewhere on the blog, both she and Allison had something going in Canada which didn't work out. It seems they came back from one of their sisterly roadtrips (sweetly) cursing their luck with men.

I spotted a Helferich sister in one of Allison's women's retreat pictures, a while back. I bet that's how they "first heard about each other".

[BirdgirlH]

Allison is back - new post on the blog. Just a quick hello.

[Foudeb]

I'm not sure which is worse, the bontragers praying and fasting for their children to marry the first member of the opposite sex they see or the Maxwells praying and fasting while isolating their daughters from all marriageable young men. 

[christiane87]

2 hours ago, BirdgirlH said:

Allison is back - new post on the blog. Just a quick hello.

I have the feeling she won't be posting very often anymore, just like Chelsy is doing after she got married,... in her post Allison actually even said she can't promise how often she will do that.

Btw she looks happy in the pictures. A bit tired (especially the first one), but happy. I really hope she will enjoy her new life in MN!

So now, things to look forward to:

- Blog post about how Allison and Jeremiah met and started their relationship (aka going from "we briefly spoke for a few minutes at *insert random gathering/event*, I was impressed by his character/her serving heart, but then forgot about it as the days went by" to "after praying and fasting and praying again, God put it in my (and Dad's) heart that he/she is the one I am meant to spend my life with")

- An engagement announcement for Denver (I am putting my money on the Helferich sister whose IG account is followed by Marlin&Becky, can't remember her name right now)

[BirdgirlH]

7 minutes ago, christiane87 said:

- An engagement announcement for Denver (I am putting my money on the Helferich sister whose IG account is followed by Marlin&Becky, can't remember her name right now)

That's Susanna, who is also closer in age than Praise. (Comparing FB profile pics to the one who was paired with Denver in Allison's wedding, I thought it was Praise, but the Bon parents following her and not her sister is a telltale sign!)

[petrushka]

6 hours ago, Foudeb said:

I'm not sure which is worse, the bontragers praying and fasting for their children to marry the first member of the opposite sex they see or the Maxwells praying and fasting while isolating their daughters from all marriageable young men. 

Tempted to say that it's two sides of the same coin: the young single adults still under the parent's thumb when determining the course of their lives.  As a parent, I get that you want to protect them from anything really awful, but I learned when mine were that stage that all I could do is advise.  I would say the Maxwells are worse, since they don't even give their daughters a real chance at marriage. Much as I dislike the methods of the Bontragers, I don't think they would force a marriage; that's not to say they wouldn't make a big deal to their kids about how hard they were fasting and praying, and make them feel a bit guilty about the whole thing.  Looking at their blog for the past couple years, I thought they both were looking kind of lean and drawn, and now it makes sense.

[JordynDarby5]

The pictures were great. Allison looked really beautiful. I loved her dress. 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

17 hours ago, BirdgirlH said:

I highly doubt that the Bontragers themselves would dare say anything to Marlin - he's the mighty patriarch who can do no wrong *insert adoring stare*. Yes, no-one seemed happy during the ceremony, but I bet they just accept that this is how it is, since the wedding would be watched by many via live stream, it would be used as an opportunity to preach their beliefs - they'd see it as a chance to reach a wider audience! I bet when Alison thanked Marlin for speaking during the ceremony, she'd use words such as "godly", "god-fearing", "powerful" etc. From the pictures it looked like her moment to shine was off camera, at the reception.

I feel the same way as well. I just meant the family as a whole received may have received some backlash. I remember watching the livestream on FB and there were some comments coming up criticizing Marlin. The family and the siblings who have their own blog have the ability to monitor their own comments. I just found it odd that there were no photos and a paragraph from the current blog posts praising Marlin while he was giving his sermon. To me, that reads the family got quite a bit of criticism from his speech as whole. The Bontragers have had no problem responding to criticism. So, I think there will be a separate post regarding Marlin's sermon or it's just not going to be brought up on their blog.. 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

9 hours ago, petrushka said:

Tempted to say that it's two sides of the same coin: the young single adults still under the parent's thumb when determining the course of their lives.  As a parent, I get that you want to protect them from anything really awful, but I learned when mine were that stage that all I could do is advise.  I would say the Maxwells are worse, since they don't even give their daughters a real chance at marriage. Much as I dislike the methods of the Bontragers, I don't think they would force a marriage; that's not to say they wouldn't make a big deal to their kids about how hard they were fasting and praying, and make them feel a bit guilty about the whole thing.  Looking at their blog for the past couple years, I thought they both were looking kind of lean and drawn, and now it makes sense.

I feel the same way. I really do think that Chelsy's failed courtship caused Marlin and Becky to start taking matters into their own hands. Everyone of the courtship stories starts off with one of the Bontrager children not being interested in marriage and settling down until the parents bring it up and boom the perfect mate is there. No wonder there were four weddings at the end of 2017. Marlin and Becky were desperate to have godly marriages for their children. Chelsy's first courtship ended shortly before she met John. Mitchell, Josh, and Carson seemed to have entered their courtships right around the same time as Chelsy entered her's with John. So, to me it seems like Marlin and Becky put their foot on the gas to start marrying them off ASAP once Chelsy's first courtship failed.

[ElizaB]

What is strange to me about Allison blogging (or lack of in the future) is that right now she is probably less busy than she was before. In her single life she worked at her family's inn and also did a lot of work for their tours. Now she won't have any "jobs" other than cleaning a house and cooking for her husband (until she gets pregnant of course). I would think she may actually get kind of bored in the next few months. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

31 minutes ago, ElizaB said:

What is strange to me about Allison blogging (or lack of in the future) is that right now she is probably less busy than she was before. In her single life she worked at her family's inn and also did a lot of work for their tours. Now she won't have any "jobs" other than cleaning a house and cooking for her husband (until she gets pregnant of course). I would think she may actually get kind of bored in the next few months. 

You would think so. But she’s now a wife. And it’s her duty to be perfect for her husband. She’s been dreaming about this for a decade. I bet she’s busting her ass to make everything perfect and he probably doesn’t even care that the house is neat as a pin, the food is from scratch, or that his underwear is perfectly folded. 

[BirdgirlH]

I love how in the newest comment someone is asking Allison to list the pros and cons of Jeremiah ??

[Smash!]

I can understand why she's happy. In their circles she's finally seen as an adult, doesn't have to share bedrooms anymore (speculation on my part) and had a say how to furnish/decorate their house. She has a life of her own now not dictated by daddy anymore ( but by her husband but that's a different story).

[petrushka]

Allison now has a few sisters in law who are close to her age up in Minnesota, which may be good for her?  I hope, as she seemed to have lost her best friend sister Chelsy to the Maxwells and I recall the separation was hard on both of them.

[JermajestyDuggar]

39 minutes ago, petrushka said:

Allison now has a few sisters in law who are close to her age up in Minnesota, which may be good for her?  I hope, as she seemed to have lost her best friend sister Chelsy to the Maxwells and I recall the separation was hard on both of them.

Now they are even further away. They will likely only see one another when they both travel to the family farm to visit at the same time. 

[anachronistic]

Before she was married, blogging may have been a way to get away from the family and do something independently, on her own. If someone wanted t do something she could say no, she needed to work on her blog. Now she’s presumably alone for hours a day while Jeremiah is at work, and so maybe doesn’t need that outlet anymore. I have only lived on my own for less than 5 weeks but I’m very surprised by how much more time housework takes up than when I was living with roommates, and the reason is that I have a much higher standard of cleanliness now that it’s just me and nobody else will mess it up. Decorating and furnishing a house also takes time, especially if you’re doing it largely from thrift stores, garage sales, online ads, etc, as many people just starting out do. My own furniture is a mix of hand me downs, stuff I had already, and craigslist finds.

[browngrl]

I think that some fundie girls are like Charlotte Collins from Pride and Prejudice. She knew full well that she was marrying a dud but she liked the idea of her own home and financial security. I'm not sure how much financial security Alison will have but being treated like an adult and having her own home is likely a treat after all these years of being treated as one of the children.

[JermajestyDuggar]

39 minutes ago, browngrl said:

I think that some fundie girls are like Charlotte Collins from Pride and Prejudice. She knew full well that she was marrying a dud but she liked the idea of her own home and financial security. I'm not sure how much financial security Alison will have but being treated like an adult and having her own home is likely a treat after all these years of being treated as one of the children.

I think Allison is too dreamy and too much of a romantic to be a Charlotte. I don’t know if Jeremiah is a dud but she may have convinced herself he is a better match for her than he actually is. But I agree that there are likely some Charlottes in fundieland.

[Melissa1977]

On 9/9/2020 at 5:22 PM, petrushka said:

Much as I dislike the methods of the Bontragers, I don't think they would force a marriage;

Arranged marriages are not forced marriages. In arranged marriages, the young couple accept to marry because it's good for them, or for their families or it's God's calling or because their society has that rule. A wedding can be arranged, and still can have an excited bride and an excited groom, or at least content because they are achieving their main goal.

44 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I think Allison is too dreamy and too much of a romantic to be a Charlotte. I don’t know if Jeremiah is a dud but she may have convinced herself he is a better match for her than he actually is. But I agree that there are likely some Charlottes in fundieland.

That's why I think Allison will have a rude awakening. Too much expectations on her side.

[NancyDrewFan1989]

13 hours ago, ElizaB said:

What is strange to me about Allison blogging (or lack of in the future) is that right now she is probably less busy than she was before. In her single life she worked at her family's inn and also did a lot of work for their tours. Now she won't have any "jobs" other than cleaning a house and cooking for her husband (until she gets pregnant of course). I would think she may actually get kind of bored in the next few months. 

True, however, Chelsy took a small break from blogging after she got married to John. I do think Allison will return to blogging once she is more settled in her new home with updates on her wedding and life. 

2 hours ago, browngrl said:

I think that some fundie girls are like Charlotte Collins from Pride and Prejudice. She knew full well that she was marrying a dud but she liked the idea of her own home and financial security. I'm not sure how much financial security Alison will have but being treated like an adult and having her own home is likely a treat after all these years of being treated as one of the children.

Chelsy has frequently listed Jane Austen as a favorite author of hers and has mentioned that one of the TV versions of the show is one of the few things her parents would let her watch when she was living at home. Furthermore, Chelsy mentioned that she idolizes (the only word I can think of now) the characters from her books. So, Allison probably has read and watched Pride and Prejudice as well and might look to those characters as role models.