Maxwell 41: Taking a Short Vest Rest

[ElizaB]

5 hours ago, freejugar said:

haven't we had the first day of school post before?

I feel like Teri is always talking about the "pre first day of school." I think this really shows how inflexible Teri was. Doing special first day of school tasks on the first day was way too stressful for her because they got behind and it made them get off their schedule. Most other people would just say- yeah this is fine we will get done what we can. However, the fact that they were off their schedule left her crying many days. She had to schedule these special tasks for a different day so that on the school day the schedule wouldn't be messed up. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

12 minutes ago, ElizaB said:

I feel like Teri is always talking about the "pre first day of school." I think this really shows how inflexible Teri was. Doing special first day of school tasks on the first day was way too stressful for her because they got behind and it made them get off their schedule. Most other people would just say- yeah this is fine we will get done what we can. However, the fact that they were off their schedule left her crying many days. She had to schedule these special tasks for a different day so that on the school day the schedule wouldn't be messed up. 

If this isn't a red flag that she had no business homeschooling (or raising) children I don't know what is.

I know structure and schedules are important, but so is being able to hit what's pitched and adapt when life calls for it.  

How dare they tell others how to parent?

[Tatar-tot]

That is just pitiful.  A schedule is a planning tool. It is not a ball and chain. 

[Jana814]

2 hours ago, Tatar-tot said:

 A schedule is a planning tool. It is not a ball and chain. 

But I think to Teri it was a ball & chain. 

Edited August 24, 2020 by Jana814

[HerNameIsBuffy]

27 minutes ago, Jana814 said:

But I think to Teri is was a ball & chain. 

I think to Teri it was a lifejacket...the only thing keeping her from drowning.  Hence her panic when something interfered with it.

[fundiefan]

3 hours ago, ElizaB said:

I feel like Teri is always talking about the "pre first day of school." I think this really shows how inflexible Teri was. Doing special first day of school tasks on the first day was way too stressful for her because they got behind and it made them get off their schedule. Most other people would just say- yeah this is fine we will get done what we can. However, the fact that they were off their schedule left her crying many days. She had to schedule these special tasks for a different day so that on the school day the schedule wouldn't be messed up. 

Or, you know, account for it.. Don't plan a fully academic first day when you know there are other things to get taken care of. 

But doing that would allow too much unscheduled 5 minute time periods and Teri is incapable. 

Christ. I started a new job in July and it took days of Zoom & phone calls to get everything in order. Since I only go into the office 2 days a week, it took almost that whole first week to get all my access setup, paperwork completed, etc. I didn't actually look at work until the second week. 

 

[Giraffe]

11 minutes ago, fundiefan said:

Or, you know, account for it.. Don't plan a fully academic first day when you know there are other things to get taken care of.

That’s what I was thinking!! How hard is it to make the first day of school a special part of the school year?! I wonder how many people saw past Terri’s hyper-scheduling and knew how much emotional pain she lived with day in and day out. My guess is a big fat zero. And because it was so “successful” for her she pushes it on the third generation, too. What a shitty way to live. 

[Tatar-tot]

2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I think to Teri it was a lifejacket...the only thing keeping her from drowning.  Hence her panic when something interfered with it.

She should have been on meds.  What is it with family!?!?!

An Rx for Lexapro could have solved a ton of problems & allowed Steve to be gainfully employed.  He could have made tons of money for the past 20 plus years as an engineer.  Steve and Teri could be enjoying their retirement in a class A, visiting Sarah in Colorado, Chris is Seattle, John in Iowa etc and spoiling all their grandchildren along with visiting all the National Parks.

God gave us medicine for a reason.  Man just needs to remember to use them. 

[Bethy]

11 hours ago, freejugar said:

haven't we had the first day of school post before?

Same content with fresh pictures. Just like the annual caroling, OCC fundraising breakfasts, What Some Might Call Vacations, and what's left of the birthday posts (since "extended family" don't warrant those.) Taller/more grandkids...new wives for the younger sons...that's the only thing that seems to have changed in the last five years.

[Joe Pukepail]

7 hours ago, Baxter said:

I have a fairly pronounced overbite that would require surgery to fix. My parents would have paid for it. I have so far chosen not to get it done. It doesn't affect me enough that I want to have my jaws wired shut and go on a liquid diet for a while. Both times I have investigated surgery, the thought of it made me feel hysterical.

I doubt Steve gave Mary the choice. But it might not be a big deal to her anyways.

I'm not a professional, but I think the correction for an overbite is slightly different than the procedure to fix an underbite. Because the maxilla is attached to the rest of the skull, pulling it forward is pretty involved. The thought of having my midface broken off and yanked forward by a few millimeters a day is makes me all sweaty, haha. I don't blame you for not going through with it! I am a candidate for an eye surgery, but reading about the procedure has absolutely scared me away.

7 hours ago, fundiewatch said:

Mary wrote a report of her trip to volunteer at Operation Christmas Child that was just abysmal. One detail that sticks is for people to “do older boys” (pack boxes for the oldest male category). It was splendid. 

When I was in high school, we had a student teacher in one class who was just not at all prepared for the onslaught of assholery that is a classroom of 30 teenagers. Obviously, we figured this out pretty quickly and proceeded to antagonize the poor guy for an entire semester, on several occasions reducing him to tears. 

Importantly, there were two Andrews in class, one who sat in front of the classroom and another who sat in the back. Back of the classroom Andy was reticent and didn't often volunteer in class. One day, our hapless student teacher was calling on students to read aloud and spotted an opportunity to engage a reluctant student. He cried earnestly, "Let's do...Andy in the rear!"

I don't think I've laughed that hard before or since. Poor guy, the cringe is unbearable even now.

[courtlylove]

How much more well prepared are Melanie's kids than the Rodrigues children?

[Joe Pukepail]

57 minutes ago, courtlylove said:

How much more well prepared are Melanie's kids than the Rodrigues children?

 

 

Spoiler

 

Edited August 25, 2020 by HerNameIsBuffy
added spoiler

[ElizaB]

3 hours ago, Tatar-tot said:

She should have been on meds.  What is it with family!?!?!

An Rx for Lexapro could have solved a ton of problems & allowed Steve to be gainfully employed.  He could have made tons of money for the past 20 plus years as an engineer.  Steve and Teri could be enjoying their retirement in a class A, visiting Sarah in Colorado, Chris is Seattle, John in Iowa etc and spoiling all their grandchildren along with visiting all the National Parks.

God gave us medicine for a reason.  Man just needs to remember to use them. 

The whole thing is really strange to me for two reasons. First, they did a lot of things to manage her depression. They created ways to structure her life so she could function. They even moved across the country to live near her parents. They weren't completely ignoring or denying that her depression was real and things needed to be done. So why they didn't do the one thing that could have really helped I just don't understand. The second is that the Maxwells typically take medical advice seriously and have regular visits to doctors. They are not like some of the other families we snark on who don't do regular check ups. I'm surprised they didn't seek medical help as they seem to be really reasonable about all other medical issues (besides their insurance carrier of course)

 

Now the part of your comment about Steve's job. To be fair he didn't quit because of Teri's depression. I believe he was encouraged to "retire" after getting upset about having to have lunch with a female. 

[MaryatHome]

On 8/22/2020 at 8:34 PM, browngrl said:

Mary is almost always photographed face on but in the one side view photo I've seen,Mary had quite the under bite. Wouldn't an orthodontist address the malocclusion that would come with an underbite? Could this be the source of the infamous anecdote about a dentist asking what Mary wanted rather than addressing Terri ?

Also: thanks for the fan cleaning updates - I've been feeling all sorts of flustered worrying about the state of all your ceiling fans

Treatment options for underbite are very rigorous.  There's the 'cheater' form where some permanent teeth are removed and the remaining ones are moved to compensate.  The actual fix is a major surgery known as a 'mandibular setback' (which often has a mirror surgery called 'maxillary advancement').  I know this because I had the first type in my youth, and my daughter had the extensive two-site procedure done.  Ironically, one of the leading oral surgeons performing the surgery is in Kansas City, at the UMKC Dental School.  It is not for the faint-hearted, or the underinsured.  The whole thing took about four years (there's a lot of orthodontia done in preparation before the operation), the surgery is extensive (seven hours), and the recovery long (jaw wired shut for six weeks, full liquid diet, months of swelling and bruising), and lifelong retainer regimen.  I would hope that the dentist/ortho would ask the patient what they wanted!

 

[MaryatHome]

12 hours ago, petrushka said:

According to an orthodontic website, here are some things that could occur with an untreated underbite:

Speech difficulties, pain in the jaw or mouth, frequent headaches, TMJ/TMD, ear discomfort or dysfunction, stomach issues, sleep apnea, bruxism, hypertension, self esteem issues.

Corrective techniques have improved to try and avoid jaw surgery.

Many years ago I lived in Kansas City, Missouri. University of Missouri has the School of Dental Medicine right there, with an orthodontic division.  If cost was an issue and if her case presented as a good teaching opportunity, she could be accepted for treatment with fewer out of pocket expenses.  Something to think about, Steve.

UMKC rates are about 2/3 of the market rate.  Full-on orthognathic correction (orthodontia for a number of years in preparation, surgery, hospitalization, etc.) was about $90K (billed) seven years ago.  The hospitalization piece is super expensive, because it requires post-surgical care in the neurologic ICU, with nearly one-on-one nursing care and supervision. 

Untreated underbite can also contribute to malnutrition.

[allyisyourpally5]

How do you think Mary would handle any back chat / rudeness / cheeky words in her bible club? Kids are not angels. I doubt every single one of children go to her club voluntarily and are 100% enthusiastic. I imagine many of them have seen so much more in their lives than Mary ever has (and that doesn’t mean they’ve had a rough time, just that to be honest most people have probably experienced more than Mary has).

 

Worse, how would Mary stand up to a parent who complained? A parent who wasn’t happy with Mary’s responses? She’s been raised with no critical thinking skills. It’s an interesting thought.

[SPHASH]

Just looked at the Bontrager blog. They will have official wedding pics next week, Allison and Jeremiah will have been married 2 1/2 weeks since then.  Jesse and Anna married three months ago and no pics yet.

[Italiangirl]

Hey you know they have to be edited and then shipped to the "newly" wed to have a comment, then back to the photographer (aka sister) and then put in a closet and forget because they have moved more than 300 mt from the main family house 

[SPHASH]

59 minutes ago, allyisyourpally5 said:

How do you think Mary would handle any back chat / rudeness / cheeky words in her bible club? Kids are not angels. I doubt every single one of children go to her club voluntarily and are 100% enthusiastic. I imagine many of them have seen so much more in their lives than Mary ever has (and that doesn’t mean they’ve had a rough time, just that to be honest most people have probably experienced more than Mary has).

 

Worse, how would Mary stand up to a parent who complained? A parent who wasn’t happy with Mary’s responses? She’s been raised with no critical thinking skills. It’s an interesting thought.

Years ago I would help out with VBS at the church I was a member of at the time.  The church policy was to invite all the kids in town whether they were part of the church or not.  Unfortunately some parents not associated with the church thought VBS should be a free day care.  One mom in particular sent her two year old son even though the minimum age was four.  I spent the entire evening chasing him around the church and it was a huge building.  After the second night the VBS leader talked to the mom and explained in the most tactful way possible that the boy was too young for VBS and he obviously wasn't getting anything out of it and perhaps send him again in a few years, Mom got defensive.  And the VBS leader has a degree in education and worked in a preschool program at the Y so she knew what she was talking about.

Another time a lady sent her two grandsons.  These two boys did nothing but bully another kid and destroy things.  And I was expected  to sit there and take it. Remember the book Best Christmas Pageant Ever?  These two boys were just like the Herdmans.

That is why I stopped helping with VBS, Sunday School etc.  I know it isn't Christian but just because it's church does not mean you have to take shit from the parents and kids.  

 

Edited August 25, 2020 by SPHASH
ETA

[Melissa1977]

11 hours ago, courtlylove said:

How much more well prepared are Melanie's kids than the Rodrigues children?

I think not much better academically, but they benefit from a healthy environtment (comfortable beds, enough food, doctors when needed etc) which is related to a better brain development than the neglected have. Melanie and Nathan are nuts, but are not living in a RV with a bunch of malnourished kids.

In addition, Melanie's children have tables, books and school stuff for everybody, plus a father working in IT who eventually can find online learning resources. Rodrigues have to "study" in their beds and I doubt the little ones have crayons and preschool activities to do. And obviously, the most important point: 6 kids in 11 years are more easy to homeschool than 13 in 19 years. 

I don't think Maxwell grandkids have a good homeschooling and they have really really few options for their future. But when comparing, poor Rodkids are always worse.

Edited August 25, 2020 by Melissa1977
Spelling

[HerNameIsBuffy]

12 hours ago, ElizaB said:

The whole thing is really strange to me for two reasons. First, they did a lot of things to manage her depression. They created ways to structure her life so she could function. They even moved across the country to live near her parents. They weren't completely ignoring or denying that her depression was real and things needed to be done. So why they didn't do the one thing that could have really helped I just don't understand. The second is that the Maxwells typically take medical advice seriously and have regular visits to doctors. They are not like some of the other families we snark on who don't do regular check ups. I'm surprised they didn't seek medical help as they seem to be really reasonable about all other medical issues (besides their insurance carrier of course)

 

Now the part of your comment about Steve's job. To be fair he didn't quit because of Teri's depression. I believe he was encouraged to "retire" after getting upset about having to have lunch with a female. 

Tbf we don't know that they didn't try.

Meds are a lifesaver for some, but they don't work for everyone and not everyone can take antidepressants.

Even the people I know who have had success medicating depression had a lot of trial and error to get to the right dose and depending on the side effects for that individual there can be a lot of worse until it gets better going on until they find the right protocol.

[jeansonly]

Teri acts like this is so groundbreaking, doing those things before the first day of school.  But that's how parents/public schools have been doing it.  Most kids have their supplies, get their schedule and a plan for the year at least a few days if not weeks before the first day of school.  If I homeschooled, I would never think to do otherwise.  

[Giraffe]

2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Tbf we don't know that they didn't try.

Meds are a lifesaver for some, but they don't work for everyone and not everyone can take antidepressants.

Thanks for mentioning this. I automatically assume the worst about fundies and didn’t give them the benefit of the doubt. You’re right, maybe they tried meds. 
 

(If she did try meds and they didn’t help, the vasectomy is even more of a douchebag move on Steve’s part)

[ElizaB]

3 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Tbf we don't know that they didn't try.

Meds are a lifesaver for some, but they don't work for everyone and not everyone can take antidepressants.

Even the people I know who have had success medicating depression had a lot of trial and error to get to the right dose and depending on the side effects for that individual there can be a lot of worse until it gets better going on until they find the right protocol.

That is true. I know some people who also don't like how anti depressants make them feel and really dislike taking them. 

4 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

I think not much better academically, but they benefit from a healthy environtment (comfortable beds, enough food, doctors when needed etc) which is related to a better brain development than the neglected have. Melanie and Nathan are nuts, but are not living in a RV with a bunch of malnourished kids.

In addition, Melanie's children have tables, books and school stuff for everybody, plus a father working in IT who eventually can find online learning resources. Rodrigues have to "study" in their beds and I doubt the little ones have crayons and preschool activities to do. And obviously, the most important point: 6 kids in 11 years are more easy to homeschool than 13 in 19 years. 

I don't think Maxwell grandkids have a good homeschooling and they have really really few options for their future. But when comparing, poor Rodkids are always worse.

While there are a lot of things wrong with how the Maxwell kids are being raised I've never worried that they were neglected or didn't have their needs met.  

[Giraffe]

2 hours ago, Giraffe said:

Thanks for mentioning this. I automatically assume the worst about fundies and didn’t give them the benefit of the doubt. You’re right, maybe they tried meds. 
 

(If she did try meds and they didn’t help, the vasectomy is even more of a douchebag move on Steve’s part)

Ack! You all know I meant the vasectomy reversal, right?!

 

(I know you do. I’m panicking because of plumbing emergencies and happened to reread what I typed and am too late to edit. I need to breathe. Hopefully snaking the lines is all that’s needed but holy shit I’m freaking out at the hourly rate for plumbing emergencies!! Clearly I’m in the wrong profession!)