Bro Gary Hawkins 12: IT BIBLE

[thoughtful]

Makes it sound like the tears are made of cheese!

I don't ched tears, my tears are a lovely Brie!

[keepercjr]

On 1/10/2020 at 5:15 PM, griffin said:

Does anyone know where the older, banjo-pickin' son was?

He hasn’t been there.  He has a Facebook page now but I am assuming it is private as it only has a few pictures of him.  He commented under one of the tent videos.  Good for him if he decided not to do this ridiculous touring thing anymore.  I am guessing he is staying with relatives like the older daughter is.

 

so some dupe gave Gary a watch

 

[mango_fandango]

I went onto the Hawkins Family Ministries website and they’ve only got one child listed on the bios bit. I think the older son is 18 now, maybe he left the travelling weenmobile?

[Dandruff]

18 minutes ago, mango_fandango said:

I went onto the Hawkins Family Ministries website and they’ve only got one child listed on the bios bit. I think the older son is 18 now, maybe he left the travelling weenmobile?

Or maybe somebody forgot how to count to two.

[thoughtful]

Gary, I'm glad you're "thanksful" (the one place he didn't need an s, he puts an s!). God didn't provide that watch - some guy too nice for his own good did.

[thoughtful]

They used the church for today's "tent" revival. Gary's preachin' was the same old same old - if you're not saved, you will go to Hell instead of Heaven (in case you weren't aware of his opinion on that).

There were a few Garyesque gems, though.

He told us that Jesus had us on his mind over 2000 years ago, when you "was not existed," and Gary Hawkins "was not existed."

Jesus is like an airplane that gets you from point A to point B - you got to get in the plane with Jesus to get to Heaven.

Ranting about Elvis. Lots of ranting about Elvis.

Gary wants you to know he lives the same at "Walmarts" as he does at home.

Volcanoes erupt (excuse me, explode) because Hell is so full, and has to make room for more sinners.

He read about Lot "going to Sodomy," and he'd put Lot in Hell, even though God says Lot's in Heaven. He lost his children, and they're in Hell, though. So I guess that's good.

 

Edited January 13, 2020 by thoughtful
Thou shalt not suffer a riffle to live!

[AmazonGrace]

I am sure Gary will meet a lot of people in Heaven that he'd rather see in Hell.

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Volcanoes erupt (excuse me, explode) because Hell is so full, and has to make room for more sinners.

Gary, seriously, just STFU. Talk about a pig ignorant POS. I hope all his and Becky's kids run far, far away from his pathetic "ministry" and refuse to support him in his old age. As to the people who turn up for his "revivals" - what the ELF is wrong with you? You're listening to a barely literate person pontificate on things he has no understanding of, and that's before we get into the "singing" part. Stop enabling him, please.

Ok, reading the news item that another person has died of their injuries after the NZ eruption last month right before reading this thread probably didn't help.

[EyesOpen]

And @Ozlsn got to it before me.  That volcano comment is the most ignorant thing I’ve heard since the blithering idiot Jill talked about the microphone down to hell... THATS NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS!! 
 

[3splenty]

I don't recall the part about volcanoes being taught in the bible.  Perhaps the book of Weenerotomy is where he got part of his sermon?  It would be in the BGV (Bro Gary Version).

[Four is Enough]

On 1/12/2020 at 11:27 AM, AmazonGrace said:

People are chedding tears when he thinks the Lord for working. 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

What makes me ched tears? Gary's horrible grammar/spelling.

[Alisamer]

51 minutes ago, 3splenty said:

I don't recall the part about volcanoes being taught in the bible.  Perhaps the book of Weenerotomy is where he got part of his sermon?  It would be in the BGV (Bro Gary Version).

Airplanes, volcanoes... I kind of wonder if somebody slipped an article about Scientology into his bible and he didn't notice?

I realize there are some fundies who distrust "book learning" and seminaries, and prefer a more self-taught preacher, but I'd expect the one hard and fast rule of being a fundamentalist Christian preacher is that you have some idea what's in the Bible! Being able to actually READ the bible should be a requirement.

[keepercjr]

56 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

Airplanes, volcanoes... I kind of wonder if somebody slipped an article about Scientology into his bible and he didn't notice?

I realize there are some fundies who distrust "book learning" and seminaries, and prefer a more self-taught preacher, but I'd expect the one hard and fast rule of being a fundamentalist Christian preacher is that you have some idea what's in the Bible! Being able to actually READ the bible should be a requirement.

Have you heard gary "read" the bible?  He reads each word.  Like a child reading a spelling list.  No fluency, no emphasis on certain parts, just word. word. word.  I think certain people are drawn to his preaching because he is very black and white.  There is no nuance or gray area with Gary.  More learned preachers might be more thoughtful about how to interpret the bible passages and this black and white stuff appeals to their racism, homophobia and other paranoias and fears.  He doesn't even pretend to preach about doing good work in the community either.  So they are off the hook for helping their fellow neighbor.  I am not religious but this is what I see from an outsider's perspective and from the people we have seen at his sermons or commenting on his posts.  How anyone could see his posts and think "this is who I want coming to talk to my congregation!" just baffles me though. 

Edited January 13, 2020 by keepercjr

[EyesOpen]

12 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

 I think certain people are drawn to his preaching because he is very black and white.  There is no nuance or gray area with Gary.  More learned preachers might be more thoughtful about how to interpret the bible passages and this black and white stuff appeals to their racism, homophobia and other paranoias and fears.  He doesn't even pretend to preach about doing good work in the community either.  So they are off the hook for helping their fellow neighbor.  

What scares me is that in some corners of this country, Gary may be the most learned person in the room. They want it ‘black and white’ and/ or they honest to God don’t know better. ... keeps me up at night sometimes.

[Alisamer]

18 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

Have you heard gary "read" the bible?  He reads each word.  Like a child reading a spelling list.  No fluency, no emphasis on certain parts, just word. word. word.  I think certain people are drawn to his preaching because he is very black and white.  

I have such a hard time listening to people read like that, it's just painful.

I get it, not everyone is a good reader. Some of my co-workers are intelligent people who CAN read, but it's not enjoyable for them so they only do it when they have to. I had a discussion with one of them, when he asked what I did on my beach vacation, and I told him I'd read three books that week, mostly while lying on the beach. He didn't understand why I'd do that, but in the end we understood each other - for me I don't necessarily notice the actual words unless they stand out for some reason, if it's well written it's like watching a movie in my head. It's just not like that for him, and that's OK. It's not like that for Gary, apparently, either, and that's OK (though I side-eye whoever was in charge of his education, because frankly he should be able to read and write far better than he does even if it's a challenge). 

For most people, if reading isn't their thing, that's OK. For Gary, not so much. He's calling himself a preacher and people are looking to him for Biblical guidance. On top of that, he's insisting on using the King James version of the Bible and denigrates other versions. It blows my mind that someone who can barely read modern English would 1) choose a career that requires a LOT of reading and interpretation of difficult, often poetic and archaic writings, and 2) choose to focus on probably the most difficult to understand version, written in a different version of English entirely. 

I wonder if some of the pastors who invite him in secretly do so to make themselves look smarter.

[thoughtful]

5 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

I wonder if some of the pastors who invite him in secretly do so to make themselves look smarter.

That's a great theory - same effect as the It Could Always Be Worse story, or the old line about beating your head against the wall:

"Why do you have Bro Gary preach?"
"Because it feels so good when he stops!"

Although, considering that this one told them about his foot surgery in gruesome detail, they may have been happier with Bro Gary.

To me, preachers like Bro Gary are similar to the styles of music that mostly involve screaming and thumping - the words are predictable, and not really as important as the volume and anger.

Sort of Baptist heavy metal.

[keepercjr]

25 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

though I side-eye whoever was in charge of his education, because frankly he should be able to read and write far better than he does even if it's a challenge).

He and his siblings were "homeschooled". 

His dad is a preacher.  his older sister seems to have branched out of the fold a bit but the other sister and his brother are still firmly entrenched though both the brother and his wife work and support their family.  The son of his older sister is like the anti Caleb (Gary's older son).  He has long hair and recently married a non modest girl.  Probably gives Gary heartburn that he could possibly be a tiny influence on his kids.  Poor Caleb wants to be normal but has seriously lacking social skills and social awareness as evidenced by the twitter exchanges I posted a while back.  He follows a few very much non fundie ( ie sexy) girls on Facebook.  Much like I suspect a Rod boy would do if they had their own social media. Probably why Tim has to share with mama. 

[griffin]

Homeschooled, preacher's kid Caleb just commented "Aman" on Gary's page. Good grief

[Ozlsn]

42 minutes ago, griffin said:

Homeschooled, preacher's kid Caleb just commented "Aman" on Gary's page. Good grief

If I had more time and energy (and inclination) I'd totally set up a Poe account and comment "Omen" after all Gary's posts.

[AmazonGrace]

Pray for as we will be Pray for ya'll.

Spoiler

Ok folks the Meeting ended well. Thank GOD for HIS present and working in our Hearts. I want to Thanks Anchor Baptist Church for allowing the Hawkins Family to come be with them. The place to stay and all the fellowship and food. Look forward to coming back again down the road.  May GOD Bless ya'll in a Might way. Pray for as we will be Pray for ya'll.  
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

[OutoftheShadows]

Is it just me, or is Bro’s writing getting worse? I mean, he’s never been a brilliant wordsmith, but it just seems like he’s deteriorating, writing-wise. He’s descending evermore into truly SEVERELY illiterate word salad. Has it always been THIS bad? 

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, OutoftheShadows said:

Is it just me, or is Bro’s writing getting worse? I mean, he’s never been a brilliant wordsmith, but it just seems like he’s deteriorating, writing-wise. He’s descending evermore into truly SEVERELY illiterate word salad. Has it always been THIS bad? 

I suspect there was more proof reading going on earlier, possibly by Becky or one of the kids. Either that or his voice to text has metaphorically thrown up its arms in disgust and is going with the nearest autocorrect.

[Dandruff]

22 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

I suspect there was more proof reading going on earlier, possibly by Becky or one of the kids. Either that or his voice to text has metaphorically thrown up its arms in disgust and is going with the nearest autocorrect.

Maybe the LORD decided that Bro serves Him better extra-incoherent.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

21 hours ago, Dandruff said:

Maybe the LORD decided that Bro serves Him better extra-incoherent.

Absolutely.  The less you understand the better fundy you will be.  I remember when the 5,000 year old earth thing was preached to me, I couldn’t find the exit fast enough.  When I think back to the crap I put up with back then it makes me very stabby, but mostly I just laugh about it.  I’m waiting  on the rapture, it’ll be good when these fuckers disappear.  (the rapture is another fundy fairy tale unfortunately).

[scoutsadie]

22 hours ago, Dandruff said:

Maybe the LORD decided that Bro serves Him better extra-incoherent.

There you go - he's speaking in tongues!