Bro Gary Hawkins 12: IT BIBLE

[wallysmommy]

Here's some better Ideas, Gary.  Sing the old songs everyone knows.  Have a few printed off. The church probably has an inkjet printer.  That's a lot cheaper than hymnals.  Or go to the thrift store.  There's probably some hymnals there.

[EyesOpen]

Oh that tent video is not even watchable. Thank you to those who have sacrificed your time and brain cells to bring us recaps. Gary looks unhealthy enough but that other Pastor... needs to see a doctor I think!

did they ever  scroll around to see how many people were there to hear Gary ramble?

he makes no sense at all. i would get up and walk out of a church if that was the preaching I was hearing. 
 

 

[thoughtful]

24 minutes ago, EyesOpen said:

did they ever  scroll around to see how many people were there to hear Gary ramble?

I couldn't make myself watch the whole thing, but I doubt it. Based on the singing and Amens, it sounded like, oh . . . about 3 or 4.  ?

[Xan]

20 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

I couldn't make myself watch the whole thing, but I doubt it. Based on the singing and Amens, it sounded like, oh . . . about 3 or 4.  ?

I scanned through but there's no camera shot panning the crowd.  At the beginning, the minister asks everyone to get up and shake hands.  I counted 8 people (2 of them are children) along with the minister, Gary and his wife and son.  

If you go to 23:40, you'll see Gary and family performing.  It's really awful.  Do yourself a favor and skip up to that part.  If you watch before that, you'll hear the minister telling a disgusting story about the cellulitis in his foot that Jesus miraculously cured.

[smittykins]

12 hours ago, thoughtful said:

And I'm gonna let you know, Mary had to do the same thing that you had to do to be born again. She was not perfect, and after she had Jesus, she was no longer a virgin" ("virgin" sounded like "version" - good thing I wasn't there to yell out "version of what?").

So... Mary had to pray the Sinner’s Prayer to her own son? 

[FeministShrew]

1 hour ago, smittykins said:

So... Mary had to pray the Sinner’s Prayer to her own son? 

That reminds me of a joke I once heard (acted out by an Irish Catholic comedian whose name I can't remember): Jesus is confronted with the woman caught in adultery, & says, "Whoever among you is without sin, cast the first stone...Mom, put down that rock!"

Edited January 9, 2020 by FeministShrew
extra word!

[Alisamer]

4 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

Here's some better Ideas, Gary.  Sing the old songs everyone knows.  Have a few printed off. The church probably has an inkjet printer.  That's a lot cheaper than hymnals.  Or go to the thrift store.  There's probably some hymnals there.

I agree with the thrift store. Printing them off is an option, but there are copyright issues. I think you can pay for a One Note license or something to print them, however. (My church currently prints the hymns in the bulletin, because the hymnals didn't all survive the fire and we are still not back in the actual church, yet.) They could get a cheap projector and use that to show the words, possibly. I personally prefer to see the music, not just the words. 

Really, though. They could probably just call around to other churches and see who has extras they'd be willing to get rid of. 

I'm kind of thinking Mary, who raised and taught Jesus, and proved her faith by having him in the first place, probably didn't need to do exactly the same as every other sinner in the world. "Version" or not.

It Stupid.

[Black Aliss]

19 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary:

"Booze is not gonna save you, booze in hell fryin' like sausage."

"They say over in Mexico, there's a place, and they have a statue of Mary, and I'm gonna say somethin' to ya - Jesus used Mary to - uh - God used Mary to have Jesus. Amen!  And I'm gonna let you know, Mary had to do the same thing that you had to do to be born again. She was not perfect, and after she had Jesus, she was no longer a virgin" ("virgin" sounded like "version" - good thing I wasn't there to yell out "version of what?").

He then goes on to describe how people climb a "cement thing" on their knees  to get to this statue and "worship Mary," and their knees and pants "is all cut up" and their hands "is all messed up." And then he makes his point:

"He's your pasture, he's not the priest."

My dog asked to go out, and, when I came back in the room, Gary was bellowing "Whatever Trump has done to make them people in Eye-raq mad, thank God for it -- Hallelujah!"

I've reached my limit. Anyone else want to recap some?
 

 

On the left of the platform--isn't that the actor who played Mr. Creosote from Monty Python's Meaning of Life?

4 hours ago, Alisamer said:

Really, though. They could probably just call around to other churches and see who has extras they'd be willing to get rid of. 

But they have to come from the right kind of church, not just any old Protestant church, or Satan might be hiding between the pages.

[scoutsadie]

8 hours ago, Alisamer said:

I agree with the thrift store. Printing them off is an option, but there are copyright issues. I think you can pay for a One Note license or something to print them, however. (My church currently prints the hymns in the bulletin, because the hymnals didn't all survive the fire and we are still not back in the actual church, yet.) 

DAVID RODRIGUES CAN PRINT THEM.

It destiny.

[feministxtian]

11 hours ago, FeministShrew said:

That reminds me of a joke I once heard (acted out by an Irish Catholic comedian whose name I can't remember): Jesus is confronted with the woman caught in adultery, & says, "Whoever among you is without sin, cast the first stone...Mom, put down that rock!"

That's OLD!! The first time I heard that was probably over 25 years ago in Mass and told by the priest. (I've not set foot in a Catholic church since 1997 except for my mother's funeral in 2012).

[thoughtful]

Gary is under the tent again.

He coughs, then says "Y'all pray for me - I think I got pneumonia. That's good for you. I get it every year."

Much of his sermon is about different ways to get Jesus' attention.

He tells the Martha and Mary story, and says we should set aside work and distractions and sit at Jesus' feet. Gary, you are in no danger of being a Martha -- I doubt you've ever washed a dish in your life.

Then he talks about Zaccheus in the tree, eager to see Jesus, and how we all have to seek God by coming to church. He tells them that Becky goes to church even when she has a migraine (can you imagine listening to Gary screaming when you have a migraine?).

Next, he goes on and on about serving Jesus. Wait, I thought Martha was wrong and Mary was right.

Paul and Silas sang to God, and the prison fell apart. He says that's the original Jailhouse Rock.

Gary, stop saying "listen, I'm gonna let you know somethin'" - you usually don't follow up very well.

 

 

[FundMe]

ok folks.......I usually lurk and enjoy y'all,  but JRod and jewelry have lured me out.   I think you will enjoy this story.

a friend has started a Paparazzi business (?).  She's actually really good at it.  Her videos are fun and I think she could make a go of it!  I was watching her live one night and my companion asked about it.  before I knew it I was in a long explanation about Poparicksi and it's various forms, which led to an  attempted explanation of Bro Gary and fundie fascination,  which really didn't go well (he said it didn't sound healthy, lol)

a little while later I tuned back into her video. He came in and said.......Are you still watching that JACUZZI busuness??

to top it off,  then I had a dream about Jrod and Becky selling Jacuzzi to Lord Daniel in the laundromat!!!!

[Xan]

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary is under the tent again.

He coughs, then says "Y'all pray for me - I think I got pneumonia. That's good for you. I get it every year."

Much of his sermon is about different ways to get Jesus' attention.

He tells the Martha and Mary story, and says we should set aside work and distractions and sit at Jesus' feet. Gary, you are in no danger of being a Martha -- I doubt you've ever washed a dish in your life.

Then he talks about Zaccheus in the tree, eager to see Jesus, and how we all have to seek God by coming to church. He tells them that Becky goes to church even when she has a migraine (can you imagine listening to Gary screaming when you have a migraine?).

Next, he goes on and on about serving Jesus. Wait, I thought Martha was wrong and Mary was right.

Paul and Silas sang to God, and the prison fell apart. He says that's the original Jailhouse Rock.

Gary, stop saying "listen, I'm gonna let you know somethin'" - you usually don't follow up very well.

 

 

Why do they make Becky play?  She obviously can't really play.  They'd be better off just doing it acapella.  Yeah.  It would still be terrible but no worse than this mess.

[thoughtful]

49 minutes ago, Xan said:

Why do they make Becky play?  She obviously can't really play.

Listening to the altar call hymn, the piano teacher in me wants to get in there and show her how the three harmonies line up with the melody. It's the same thing over and over, no reading is needed. Then I want to help her feel that, just because there are four notes in some measures, it doesn't cancel out the fact that the piece has a triple meter.

The non-teacher in me just wanted to turn off the video. She won.

[thoughtful]

I just watched the ending again. At one point, Becky left the piano and walked across to a woman (wearing jeans, BTW) kneeling at the altar.

I may be over-interpreting here, but two things struck me about that. I think Becky is self-conscious about her weight, and she knew she was crossing in front of the camera, but it was worth it to her. And, Gary seemed to look at her like "what are you leaving the keyboard and doing that for?"

Becky knelt beside the woman, who was wiping her nose and face (from crying? It appears so), and stroked her back. She appeared to be praying with her and/or comforting her. She stayed with her for quite a while.

So, while Gary stood at the altar, a few feet from this woman, doing nothing, and didn't notice (or didn't care) that she was in need, Becky, who was considerably further away and occupied with playing, singing and looking at a hymnal, noticed, cared, and changed what she was doing to come over to her.

While Becky was with the woman, Gary made some lame jokes about "double-shifting" because he's gonna start preaching all over again, and said some standard crap about how they got Jesus' attention and God is working in the tent. He also said that, if it gets colder, they can do the next service indoors. Sounded to me like that got the most enthusiastic "Amen!" of the night.

Gary ended the altar call by reminding everyone that, after they gathered up the hymnals and sound equipment "my wife can go in and start warmin' up biscuits and gravy" (he'd told them earlier that Becky had made a huge batch of biscuits and gravy for them, that they'd get if they stayed to the end).

Gary is a monument to selfishness, but Becky may have some kindness in her. Gary, you sure make it look like Becky does all of the grunt work and the true spiritual work in this "team."

 

[Xan]

7 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

I just watched the ending again. At one point, Becky left the piano and walked across to a woman (wearing jeans, BTW) kneeling at the altar.

I may be over-interpreting here, but two things struck me about that. I think Becky is self-conscious about her weight, and she knew she was crossing in front of the camera, but it was worth it to her. And, Gary seemed to look at her like "what are you leaving the keyboard and doing that for?"

Becky knelt beside the woman, who was wiping her nose and face (from crying? It appears so), and stroked her back. She appeared to be praying with her and/or comforting her. She stayed with her for quite a while.

So, while Gary stood at the altar, a few feet from this woman, doing nothing, and didn't notice (or didn't care) that she was in need, Becky, who was considerably further away and occupied with playing, singing and looking at a hymnal, noticed, cared, and changed what she was doing to come over to her.

While Becky was with the woman, Gary made some lame jokes about "double-shifting" because he's gonna start preaching all over again, and said some standard crap about how they got Jesus' attention and God is working in the tent. He also said that, if it gets colder, they can do the next service indoors. Sounded to me like that got the most enthusiastic "Amen!" of the night.

Gary ended the altar call by reminding everyone that, after they gathered up the hymnals and sound equipment "my wife can go in and start warmin' up biscuits and gravy" (he'd told them earlier that Becky had made a huge batch of biscuits and gravy for them, that they'd get if they stayed to the end).

Gary is a monument to selfishness, but Becky may have some kindness in her. Gary, you sure make it look like Becky does all of the grunt work and the true spiritual work in this "team."

 

I noticed that too.  The woman at the altar was the first to go up and the last to leave.  I think Gary was trying to wind things down but the lady continued to kneel.  Big points for Becky for trying to help and minus points for Gary for being such an ass.  He also wanted to preach more nights and kept hinting that they could stay "until Tuesday" if people wanted to hear more preaching.  He told them to let him know.

I think the funniest thing was the way Gary stared at the remainder of the handful of attendees when they wouldn't go up to the altar.  I guess he wanted everybody up out of their seats.  Charismatic, he isn't.

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

He also said that, if it gets colder, they can do the next service indoors. Sounded to me like that got the most enthusiastic "Amen!" of the night

Given their numbers they could do it in a normal sized living room. I know they have a tent but unless they have good heating I'd be doing things indoors at this time of year. 

Also could none of the congregation get up and comfort the woman or is it an expectation that the people running the revival do it? 

1 hour ago, Xan said:

Charismatic, he isn't.

Nope. Why anyone shows up at all (blood relations?) is beyond me.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

19 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

 

But they have to come from the right kind of church, not just any old Protestant church, or Satan might be hiding between the pages.

They had a saying in fundieland when they were going after their own.

      “Satan hides behind the cross”

Looking at the current political nightmare I would say this is a true statement.

 

[scoutsadie]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I just watched the ending again. At one point, Becky left the piano and walked across to a woman (wearing jeans, BTW) kneeling at the altar.

I may be over-interpreting here, but two things struck me about that. I think Becky is self-conscious about her weight, and she knew she was crossing in front of the camera, but it was worth it to her. And, Gary seemed to look at her like "what are you leaving the keyboard and doing that for?"

Becky knelt beside the woman, who was wiping her nose and face (from crying? It appears so), and stroked her back. She appeared to be praying with her and/or comforting her. She stayed with her for quite a while.

So, while Gary stood at the altar, a few feet from this woman, doing nothing, and didn't notice (or didn't care) that she was in need, Becky, who was considerably further away and occupied with playing, singing and looking at a hymnal, noticed, cared, and changed what she was doing to come over to her.

While Becky was with the woman, Gary made some lame jokes about "double-shifting" because he's gonna start preaching all over again, and said some standard crap about how they got Jesus' attention and God is working in the tent. He also said that, if it gets colder, they can do the next service indoors. Sounded to me like that got the most enthusiastic "Amen!" of the night.

Gary ended the altar call by reminding everyone that, after they gathered up the hymnals and sound equipment "my wife can go in and start warmin' up biscuits and gravy" (he'd told them earlier that Becky had made a huge batch of biscuits and gravy for them, that they'd get if they stayed to the end).

Gary is a monument to selfishness, but Becky may have some kindness in her. Gary, you sure make it look like Becky does all of the grunt work and the true spiritual work in this "team."

 

Beckys do tend to be warm, caring people...though some of us have better taste in spouses than others.

[raspberrymint]

Didn't watch, but the pneumonia comment probably meant "You're lucky I get sick with this so you'll have to listen to me less".  Some preachers make a lot of self jabs like that to get laughs.

[griffin]

Does anyone know where the older, banjo-pickin' son was?

[FeministShrew]

20 hours ago, feministxtian said:

That's OLD!! The first time I heard that was probably over 25 years ago in Mass and told by the priest. (I've not set foot in a Catholic church since 1997 except for my mother's funeral in 2012).

Well, I heard it on a British TV show from the early 70s that was filler material on my local PBS station in the 80s, lol! Definitel old!

[thoughtful]

17 hours ago, raspberrymint said:

Didn't watch, but the pneumonia comment probably meant "You're lucky I get sick with this so you'll have to listen to me less".  Some preachers make a lot of self jabs like that to get laughs.

From the tone of voice, I don't think so. It really sounded like he was saying that getting pneumonia every year is somehow a healthy thing.  Very weird.

He did say something self-deprecating about his own singing later on. Gary showed a teeny bit of self-awareness! It's a miracle!

[AmazonGrace]

People are chedding tears when he thinks the Lord for working. 

Spoiler

 

[scoutsadie]

4 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

People are chedding tears when he thinks the Lord for working. 

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