Bro Gary Hawkins 12: IT BIBLE

[AliceInFundyland]

Jesus on the toilet.

Bro you make it too easy. Seriously buddy?

[nelliebelle1197]

On 12/4/2019 at 2:40 AM, MarblesMom said:

Saw this on FB and had to share, as it makes perfect sense for the G-Haw crowd:

And this is why FB is the devil.

[AmazonGrace]

It sense. 

https://www.geeksaresexy.net/2018/12/03/artificial-intelligence-generates-hilarious-wrong-inspirational-posters-pics/

[scoutsadie]

3 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

It sense. 

https://www.geeksaresexy.net/2018/12/03/artificial-intelligence-generates-hilarious-wrong-inspirational-posters-pics/

Bro GHaw is definitely a weiner.

[Dandruff]

2 hours ago, scoutsadie said:

Bro GHaw is definitely a weiner.

Covered in gravy.

[thoughtful]

Not Bro Gary, but his buddy Fuqua again:

Spoiler

Maybe Jethere needs his own thread. BTW, he does need $2300, if anyone cares to contribute

[Dandruff]

6 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Not Bro Gary, but his buddy Fuqua again:

  Hide contents

Maybe Jethere needs his own thread. BTW, he does need $2300, if anyone cares to contribute

Wait...is this dude saying he wants to be AC/DC?

[wallysmommy]

The name Jethere reminds me of Jethrene, a cousin of the Clampetts on the Beverly Hillbillies, played by Max Baer, Jr. with a wig with long blonde ringlets.  

[thoughtful]

15 hours ago, Dandruff said:

Wait...is this dude saying he wants to be AC/DC?

Or planning to record Back in Black?

He was looking for information about (and, probably grifting to get) some sort of converter for the equipment he "needs" for his new career as a musician. I just loved how naive he was about the possible other interpretations of his question.

14 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

The name Jethere reminds me of Jethrene, a cousin of the Clampetts on the Beverly Hillbillies, played by Max Baer, Jr. with a wig with long blonde ringlets.  

I looked the name Jethere up, and the only information I could find connects it to Jethro and Jether, so they are all pretty much the same name (well, Jethrene is purely an invention of the Beverly Hillbillies writers! ? ). All seem to be variations on the Hebrew name Yeter (there is no "j" or "th" sound in Hebrew).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jether

 

[Yogi]

I guess the popsarocky and toothpasta have been kicked to the curb. I have to say I miss the attempts at grifting and awkward MLM videos.

[AmazonGrace]

Bro had dropped on page two. Nothing's happened in broland but enjoy this wholesome gingermeat house posted by Rebecca 

[keepercjr]

I think Bro must have gone friends only.  I was his friend but he purged me a while back.  Anyone want to try friending him?

 

[mango_fandango]

Yeah, Bro Gary has done this before. 

[PumaLover]

8 hours ago, keepercjr said:

I think Bro must have gone friends only.  I was his friend but he purged me a while back.  Anyone want to try friending him?

 

I have thought about it but I'm afraid of getting completely blocked like JRod does. I follow Bro and every now and then will like his posts so as not to seem suspicious. I hope he's back soon because I need the crazy in my life. I've had a really bad year and especially bad week and Bro's ridiculous posts (and you guys!) cheer me up.

Speaking of crazy, off to see what JRod is up to and how she's being persecuted this week.

[FunDeeLite]

@AmazonGrace. Thank you for the picture of the Gingerween House. I had to come over from the Rod Pod for a laugh or two.  (The Rodlets present situation is really bumming me out).

[PumaLover]

OK folks, Bro went live tonight (Conway, SC).

There is an older preacher and I’m too tired to understand everything he’s saying. There’s a banner hanging on the wall behind him and I hate it for two reasons. 1:The font used is Brushstroke which is so 1980s (I’m a graphic designer), and 2: It says, I must be about my fathers business (Luke2:49) and I desperately want to add an apostrophe. This is why I drink.

Something about a little kid deciding on Christmas morning to give himself to Christ as his Christmas present. I hear a Haymayun. Some people go out and spend a thousand dollars on a kid and the kid plays with the box instead of the toy and some people do that with God. God doesn’t want your money, he wants your heart. 

I fast forwarded to the Bro family singing and it’s just as awful as it’s always been. Dear Rufus, do they practice at all? The harmonies are so horrible and off key. Oh geez I thought it was over but it keeps going. Then Bro asks Becky for some water and pulls out a hankie and wipes the sweat off his face, then proceeds to peel his jacket off.

OK folks it's been a shitty week/year and a long weekend but I will recap this sure-to-be riveting video tomorrow, unless someone else wants to! I have missed the Bro Gary-isms and now that it's CHRIST-mas week I'm sure he'll have a lot of absolutely fascinating/cringeworthy things to say.

Becky doing her wifely duties by bringing the important preacher a bottle of water. 

[SIngingforsupper]

Bro is gross.

[waltraute]

3 hours ago, SIngingforsupper said:

Bro is gross.

Haymayun.

[thoughtful]

The red thing hanging from the ceiling (I guess it's some sort of Christmas decoration) looks like a blood-soaked disco ball. Does Carrie White go to this church?

[Alisamer]

8 hours ago, PumaLover said:

God doesn’t want your money, he wants your heart. 

Bro. Gary, Jill, PP, Gwen Shamblin Lara, etc... they'll all happily take all that money God doesn't want, however. That's the one decent thing about Lori Alexander - with the exception of her crappy book, Ken is the only person she shakes down for cash. 

Also, I'm amused looking at that church. That looks like a plastic lawn chair in the foreground. Those "Merry Christmas" ornaments are from the dollar store (I do like that retro look, but in church? Hmm.). The suspended ceiling has some paper decoration hanging from it, likely with a paper clip like in elementary school. We've got a couple grocery store poinsettias, a cross and offering plates from the decor section of Hobby Lobby, a plywood box in front covered in leftover tile from somebody's bathroom, and a table probably donated from somebody's foyer. I don't have a problem with any of those things individually, but put together as the Christmas decor for a church, it's kind of amusing!

[wallysmommy]

Sadly, this poor church will scrape up some money to give Bro and the OK (off-key) singers a love offering.  Because, you know they're such a blessing to everyone and they give so much to the church.  

[scoutsadie]

@PumaLover, I am so sorry that your year has been so shitty. Thank you for hanging onto your sense of humor and sharing it with us!

I know I speak for everyone here when I say that we treasure you as part of this community and wish you the very best of all good things in the coming year!

[Black Aliss]

On 11/29/2019 at 7:26 PM, griffin said:

There's a Pho King a few miles from my house.

There's one near me called What the Pho?

[PumaLover]

12 hours ago, scoutsadie said:

@PumaLover, I am so sorry that your year has been so shitty. Thank you for hanging onto your sense of humor and sharing it with us!

I know I speak for everyone here when I say that we treasure you as part of this community and wish you the very best of all good things in the coming year!

Thank you, this means more than you know. I have to fight every day to not slip back into the bad place I've been for the past couple years. I find ways to laugh and be positive every day, even when it's really hard.

Picking back up where I left off last night, and I was fast forwarding and accidentally landed on the part where they were singing. It is still just as jarring and off-key as it was last night. I really try to look for the positive in everything… most of them can play instruments so that's good, right? 

We better start realizing, honey it's about over with. Sodomites are on street corners, they're making a movie. It's the end times, I guess he's saying. He says honey about 5 times. We gotta get along and love one another.

Bro leaves no questions, he'll come right out and say what he's thinking. If you don't love your brother then you sure don't love Christ. We're like 30 seconds in and he's already screaming. Tell the fundamental, I don't believe in church, pastors to call him. He'll tell them. He doesn't drink the Kool-Aid (it's actually Flav-R-Aid but nice reference, Bro!). Love one another, love the church.

Talking about when you first got saved and you wanted to go to church (I remember this in my believer days). Why isn't Christ as good today as he was 10 years ago. Has he changed? He's not going to. The church is important. He's screaming again.

**my dog was lying under my desk and somehow unplugged my heater and now I'm cold. I have mentioned before about the floor hole under my desk, where cold air actually comes up into my little home office. If I disappear completely one day, just know that I've fallen through my floor into our septic tank. Please send funds to Puma's_HoleintheFloor_GotoMeFund if you're so led.

Bro is talking about having a song in your heart or something. I'm distracted worrying about falling through the floor now.

He had a cousin who moved to Pennsylvania and called him and said she got saved and needed him to find her a church. He found her a church. The preacher texted her and the cousin doesn't want to go to church because the pastor made her mad. Becky laughs. The cousin was sick and didn't want to go to church, and Bro said she'll be sick for the rest of her life.

Bro admits that he doesn't always want to get up Sunday morning or be in church every time the doors are open (interesting, because I believe he has said exactly that in the past). 

Back to the song in the heart. He's signed up for all these things on Facebook and he loves making people mad honey, he loves arguing with people (is that Christ like behavior??). Becky laughs. People make him mad too. He says, what's wrong with me going to church and singing Amazing Grace and going out and singing country music? There's a lot wrong with that. If you were in church you may have halfway felt the spirit but it wasn't enough and God knows what radio station you're listening to (or something to that effect.) Becky agrees. He's making people mad, he says. He's trying to feed the spirit, not the flesh.

You can't be halfway. In the average baptist church, unless Bro Hawkins is preaching, you're lucky if you get 5 hours a week. But you spend a lot of time with that radio. He's talking about contemporary music. He was listening to a song about Jesus that said Jesus about a hundred thousand times. But there was one problem–he's not sure they really meant that Jesus. He wants to sing about Jesus. His Bible tells him when he gets saved he has a new song in his heart.

He has to confess that he was an Elvis fan. When he got saved he got rid of Elvis, although he can still sing all those songs. 

Something about contemporary music and Satan. When you go to a store and you hear that junk but you find yourself singing along, he's caught himself doing that. He's talking about having fun at church and how you don't have to have that junk (music) to have fun at church. 1 Corinthians. He needs Becky to tell him one of the words (demonstration, at least I think that's what it was). I wonder if he truly is illiterate, but is good at memorizing and is charismatic so he's successful at preaching?

He doesn't like the dranking of the drunk but he loves the drunk (how does he know I have a drank in my hand as I recap?). Now he's railing against homeless people. There's no homeless people, they can go to a shelter. They making more money than he is on the side of the road, talking about how they beg for money only to go back to their nice car and nice house. (Not the homeless people I know in our major city). I hear a few haymayuns. He says sometimes he looks homeless and has let his beard get crazy. Becky laughs.

I can't rewind the FB video in small increments so this video recap is all over the place and I apologize. Not that it would make much sense if I wrote it as he spoke, I suppose. I have a hard time understanding a lot of what he says.

Some guy told him the other day that he should come off the road and be a pastor, and Bro says, no church will have me (Becky giggles). So I guess that's part of the gimmick–he's outspoken, controversial, enjoys arguing with people, and knows that no one will put up with him for the long term. That's very interesting and the first I've heard him mention this.

[AmazonGrace]

Wait, so contemporary music is bad, that means new songs are bad, but if you get saved you get a new song?