Dillards 81: Volunteering for God

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

59 minutes ago, libgirl2 said:

But you know JB's hand was in on it. 

JB threw those two under the bus so fast they didn't even have skid marks. It was shortly after this interview that he got the rest of the "damaged goods"  Jinger & Joy married off. I still think this is why the girls were married so quickly, especially Joy at only 19. 

[JanasTattooParlor]

8 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I can fully accept that Jill and Derick were both ignorant/naive/foolish enough to honestly believe that no one was getting paid from the show, but Derick is totally full of shit trying to say that it wasn’t their show and they only made guest appearances. Yes, 19K&C wasn’t their show, but they were VERY heavily featured - as they were on Counting On, which was originally called ‘Jill and Jessa: Counting On’!

I think he was saying this in response to why Jill has showed up on the show briefly since they were kicked off the show since a lot of the commenters were asking why Jill had been seen on the show in some episodes but he hadn’t. 

[singsingsing]

Who knows, Derick could be full of shit, and since Jill thinks she still needs to be a good helpmeet and is highly codependent, she’ll never contradict him publicly.

1 minute ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

I think he was saying this in response to why Jill has showed up on the show briefly since they were kicked off the show since a lot of the commenters were asking why Jill had been seen on the show in some episodes but he hadn’t. 

I actually don’t think so - he’s made this claim several times before, and it’s always been about how they thought they were ‘volunteers’, it wasn’t their show, they never got paid, etc. Always in reference to when they were actually starring on 19K&C or Counting On.

Derick also has a silly habit of making blatantly false and/or contradictory statements and apparently believing that no one will notice. He must think he’s the smartest man who’s ever lived and everyone else has an IQ of 7.

[artdecades]

JB must be a real piece of work to not allow his daughter and her family into their home without his presence. 
 

Is he afraid they will spread some dangerous, rebellious information that will make the little ones realize what a crook he is? Or is he just a controlling maniac? Or both. 

[JanasTattooParlor]

I also noticed in the last of he pics he posted from Christmas that one of the Howlers was sitting on their couch. I think it’s James? Or Jason? Derick said in another reply that they had a small Christmas with some international friends, but it seems that at least one of the siblings came over at some point that day. I wonder if it’s true that Jill has to get permission to go to the big house, that her siblings that live at home have to get permission to go to her house unaccompanied. 
@artdecades what you said just reminded me of the Plath family. On their show they said that their oldest son and his wife weren’t allowed to see their siblings unless they were there for that exact same reason. I bet JB is terrified that the kids may see the little bit of independence Jill has and has a lockdown on the house for that reason. 

Edited December 27, 2019 by JanasTattooParlor

[HermioneSparrow]

7 minutes ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

I also noticed in the last of he pics he posted from Christmas that one of the Howlers was sitting on their couch. I think it’s James? Or Jason? Derick said in another reply that they had a small Christmas with some international friends, but it seems that at least one of the siblings came over at some point that day. I wonder if it’s true that Jill has to get permission to go to the big house, that her siblings that live at home have to get permission to go to her house unaccompanied. 
@artdecades what you said just reminded me of the Plath family. On their show they said that their oldest son and his wife weren’t allowed to see their siblings unless they were there for that exact same reason. I bet JB is terrified that the kids may see the little bit of independence Jill has and has a lockdown on the house for that reason. 

That was Jeremiah. I think since he's an adult male, they might be ok with "letting" him go.

[artdecades]

I noticed the howler too. I can’t tell them apart though. 

[bella8050]

I just want to be a fly on the wall at the Dillards when Derick is on a Twitter rant. Does he discuss what he's posting with her before he hits 'send', or is Jill surprised when she gets a notification on her phone? They have such different tones when mentioning the show. 

[Silas]

Derick is a trash human and I wouldn't let him in my house unsupervised either because he'd probably go on some transphobic rant BUT, he isn't married to my daughter. JB is also a trash human if this true. So Jill can't see her grown siblings without Dear Daddy's approval? Just...yikes. I hope the Dillards continue to pull away. I doubt they'll ever be the slightest bit liberal, they'll always hate LGBT+ and abortions but any step away is a small improvement for their children. This is so toxic I can't even begin to even.

Imagine being Jana, almost 30 years old, and your adult sibling can't come over to hang with you without Daddy's permission and/or presence. I just vomited in my mouth.

[bal maiden]

JB strikes me as a shady businessman in so many ways, so I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he has actively misled his kids and his sons/daughters-in-law regarding remuneration from the show. Derick is erratic, but this is a claim he’s been fairly consistent with. 

[Maggie Mae]

I am insanely curious as to how Jill and Derrick communicate when no one is watching. Half of Duggar snark has me convinced that he's a controlling abusive nightmare, and half has me convinced that he'd helping Jill. 

Personally, I think that him going to college and interacting with people is helping him grow as a human, and that's being shared with Jill. I wonder if they fight. I wonder if she's upset that Josh is welcomed with open arms, while she has to ask permission. I wonder if she sees women in class with Derrick and feels jealous. 

Or is it all about the kids? To throw an example from my own life in, I recently learned that my grandfather, who I basically worshipped as a kid, was and still is kind of mean and controlling. And he was awful about my mom not having more kids. Is Jim Bob mad that Jill "only" has two, and isn't risking her life to pop them out? 

I find Jill to be the most interesting of the adults for many reasons. Derrick is gross, but he seems to actually be interested in learning. Jeremy might have gone to college, but he's the basic frat boy hipster who somehow got a degree without actually doing much of that pesky learning. Jill, on the other hand, had experienced real hardship. Her husband is going to public school and the thing about the socratic method and law school is that it's not just regurgitation of materials, take a test, get degree. You learn how to write, think, argue, and you have to make friends or you will fail. Jill is supporting her husband. She's doing everything she's "supposed" to do - she had kids, on camera, and almost died. She followed her husband to another country, where he got sick. She is doing what she was taught and she's shunned from the house for wearing pants and a nose ring, while Josh cheats on his wife. Yet Josh is the one who is "forgiven," despite the fact that he molested his sisters, committed all sorts of crimes and it's his fault she had to go on tv and talk about being molested. I hope she's realizing this, and they are both growing and becoming more tolerant. 

[neuroticcat]

I absolutely believe that they easily fell for the ministry motivation. I mean, they lived isolated lives in Central America with little to show for it for ministry reasons. They may have had no idea about CO marketing the show as Jill and Jess’s. They may never have discussed with JB any of the details for several years...until they were ready to take a stand, fully knowing it would rock the boat. They may have even been ok with no money paid ... until their medical expenses left them alone. Maybe they realized they didn’t want to be tied to JB financially and that set things off.

Honestly, I think this narrative totally fits IBLP and narcissistic parenting. It is so hard to come out of that crap, even more when you’ve been intentionally isolated and brainwashed by the cult. It’s messy, you screw up, and even when you are trying to be truthful you have your own bias. 

I think they will make more mistakes as they go along but they are definitely done with bending in to the authority. They are breaking free. Hopefullly it trickles down to the other siblings too.

[anon710]

I'm all in for this Wreck of a tea party 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, Maggie Mae said:

I am insanely curious as to how Jill and Derrick communicate when no one is watching. Half of Duggar snark has me convinced that he's a controlling abusive nightmare, and half has me convinced that he'd helping Jill. 

Personally, I think that him going to college and interacting with people is helping him grow as a human, and that's being shared with Jill. I wonder if they fight. I wonder if she's upset that Josh is welcomed with open arms, while she has to ask permission. I wonder if she sees women in class with Derrick and feels jealous. 

Or is it all about the kids? To throw an example from my own life in, I recently learned that my grandfather, who I basically worshipped as a kid, was and still is kind of mean and controlling. And he was awful about my mom not having more kids. Is Jim Bob mad that Jill "only" has two, and isn't risking her life to pop them out? 

I find Jill to be the most interesting of the adults for many reasons. Derrick is gross, but he seems to actually be interested in learning. Jeremy might have gone to college, but he's the basic frat boy hipster who somehow got a degree without actually doing much of that pesky learning. Jill, on the other hand, had experienced real hardship. Her husband is going to public school and the thing about the socratic method and law school is that it's not just regurgitation of materials, take a test, get degree. You learn how to write, think, argue, and you have to make friends or you will fail. Jill is supporting her husband. She's doing everything she's "supposed" to do - she had kids, on camera, and almost died. She followed her husband to another country, where he got sick. She is doing what she was taught and she's shunned from the house for wearing pants and a nose ring, while Josh cheats on his wife. Yet Josh is the one who is "forgiven," despite the fact that he molested his sisters, committed all sorts of crimes and it's his fault she had to go on tv and talk about being molested. I hope she's realizing this, and they are both growing and becoming more tolerant. 

It kind of sucks when you get older and realize that a parent/grandparent/loved family member isn't what you thought they were.  I love my father dearly, he was the only parent who ever showed any love or affection to us as children, or showed any interest in us at all. But I had to come to some harsh realities that, one, my father is an idiot, two, he's a racist and three, he's a misogynist, I've known about #2 for 30 odd years, the other two manifested themselves in the last few years. It is hard to pull your parent(s) off the pedestal you put them on. I do think Jill is really struggling with this, and she doesn't have my benefit of critical thinking skills, a vast education, and 30 years of living on my own.

She's been slapped with an even harsher reality than most, her whole childhood was a lie, her parents denied her a basic education, basic social skills, and the ability  to function in society as an adult.  Now she's married to some asshole who only cares about his needs, not hers, so he's left her floundering in the wind, because HE is the real victim here, he didn't get the full scoop on his bride before he married her. ? Never mind that she's given up her entire life to follow him, he didn't' get to play missionary so his feels is all butt hurt. 

[BernRul]

This reminds me of that new TLC fundie show Welcome to Plathville. The Plaths try to ban their son Ethan and his (by their standards) liberal wife Olivia from visiting the children when they aren't there. It's because they don't want them influencing the kids to turn away from the Quiverfull cult.

I totally believe Derrick (shocker). It fits the pattern of behavior of other QF cultists whose adult children are becoming less and less brainwashed. Derrick and Jill might be more "free" than they let on, or JB and Michelle are so petty that any little change is enough for them to impose that rule. I wouldn't be surprised if Jinger and Jeremy were also banned for the same reason.

Also, and no offense to any posters here, but it strikes me as a little sexist when people say poor Jill because Derrick is making these comments about her family. Why are we assuming she doesn't agree with him?  That these aren't her opinions as well, but Derrick is just more vocal online? Just strikes me as buying into the fundie narrative that wives just go along with their husbands because they don't have any of their own thoughts. We have no reason to think that Jill and Derrick aren't on the same page. 

4 hours ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

I also noticed in the last of he pics he posted from Christmas that one of the Howlers was sitting on their couch. I think it’s James? Or Jason? Derick said in another reply that they had a small Christmas with some international friends, but it seems that at least one of the siblings came over at some point that day. I wonder if it’s true that Jill has to get permission to go to the big house, that her siblings that live at home have to get permission to go to her house unaccompanied. 
@artdecades what you said just reminded me of the Plath family. On their show they said that their oldest son and his wife weren’t allowed to see their siblings unless they were there for that exact same reason. I bet JB is terrified that the kids may see the little bit of independence Jill has and has a lockdown on the house for that reason. 

Damn, just as I finished typing my comment about the Plaths, I saw yours lol. 

[Bobology]

I'll speculate about the TTH banning without JB's presence... like has been said, I do believe that part of it is about the influence Jill and Derick could have on the unmarried Duggar kids. I also think that the one video Derick put on some social media, the one where he was at the TTH and Michelle was coming in the back door (from some outing) with the younger kids and she was correcting Jennifer about some behavior, then Michelle looked up and saw Derick videoing and she immediately switched to her baby-talk smiley self... I think this is an important factor here. I would have been upset if someone were in my house and filmed me without my knowledge while I came in from the car (or while doing anything else, for that matter) and posted it on social media without my knowledge or permission. This one event cannot be the whole reason, but I bet it factors in there somewhere. 

Edited December 27, 2019 by Bobology
clarification

[HerNameIsBuffy]

Regarding her needing JB's permission to see Jessa in labor, was that being filmed?

I just wonder if Jill needs permission from JB to see her siblings, or during times of filming because they have to work around her.  Just a thought as I don't watch the show.  

 

[JenniferJuniper]

4 hours ago, eye_browz said:

I don't understand why "Jill" needs permission to visit the big house! Jill! Needs permission! 

Assuming Dullard is telling the truth and assuming it's not related to filming, it's completely bizarre.

Wasn't Jill especially close to James and Jennifer?   The Lost Boy (now man) and the Lost Girl.  Maybe he's concerned about her influence on them, especially Jenny?

[JanasTattooParlor]

23 minutes ago, BernRul said:

Also, and no offense to any posters here, but it strikes me as a little sexist when people say poor Jill because Derrick is making these comments about her family. Why are we assuming she doesn't agree with him?  That these aren't her opinions as well, but Derrick is just more vocal online? Just strikes me as buying into the fundie narrative that wives just go along with their husbands because they don't have any of their own thoughts. We have no reason to think that Jill and Derrick aren't on the same page. 

Great minds think alike! I get very strong Plath family vibes from this and can also totally believe that JB has banned them from the big house for the reason you listed. I also wholeheartedly have been trying to find a way to say what I quoted above. I think Jill probably feels the exact same way Derick does and just isn’t confrontational enough to say in publicly. I think FJ wants to think that Jill just goes along with it and that Derick is the one causing problems but I think she’s on the same page. She’s the one that’s gone against the family’s convictions of long hair, no piercings, and skirts only and has posted about reading and listening to books/podcasts about setting boundaries. I think her and Derick realized they got screwed over and have started to learn that everything she was taught is not correct and that bit of thinking has caused JB to not let them near the kids so that they don’t teach them that JB is not the all knowing, perfect parent he likes to portray he is.  

[seraaa]

6 hours ago, fluffernutter said:

Wait they aren't allowed to be at her folks house without boob being there? What the hell?!

They're not? Is that confirmed or just speculation?

Ugh poor Jill

ETA: Wait, I see. Comment still stands tbh

Edited December 27, 2019 by seraaa

[Laura2730]

2 minutes ago, seraaa said:

They're not? Is that confirmed or just speculation?

Ugh poor Jill

Spoiler

 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

5 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

JB threw those two under the bus so fast they didn't even have skid marks. It was shortly after this interview that he got the rest of the "damaged goods"  Jinger & Joy married off. I still think this is why the girls were married so quickly, especially Joy at only 19. 

I don’t think that’s the reason. Getting them breeding ASAP is the reason. Also, why have them hanging around the house if they’re not going to continue their educations or have careers?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

That comment makes no sense for someone like Derek to believe there was no money involved besides expenses.

Jill, sure - brainwashed and believed what her father told her.  No judgement, I would have too.

But Derek wasn't raised in the cult.  TV shows make money or they get cancelled.  For TLC to run it means it was profitable...if it was a ministry did he think TLC was cutting their checks to some charitable organization?  Or that JB just let TLC keep all the profits out of gratitude for letting him spread the word?

And "us kids"?  Odd choice of words.

[seraaa]

4 minutes ago, Laura2730 said:

  Hide contents

 

Thank you!

I hope that Derek referring to getting "permission" from JB to be at Jessa's birth was more to do with clarifying the boundaries of what would be allowed on TV/intricacies with the show as opposed to JB trying to regulate his adult daughters' relationship.

It's still a crappy situation, to have everything mediated through a TV show, but it would be less bad than the other thing

[singsingsing]

To be clear, I wasn't suggesting that Derick is outright lying. I'm saying that he has a well-established habit of obfuscating and everything he says should be taken with a grain of salt. He intentionally muddies that waters and sows confusion in an attempt to cast himself in the best possible light. Often he won't outright claim something, but heavily imply it. I would personally assume that he's not outright fabricating anything, but he may be heavily twisting certain things, and it's almost impossible to know what's true and what's just sort-of-true with him.