Dillards 81: Volunteering for God

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

I have no idea what colors she used. I love it. I just had my roots done this week. It was another step into my "new" life...as a single woman. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm still dealing with my husband being gone, it'll be 4 months next week...and it still sucks. 

Anyway...enough of me. Thank you!

You should NEVER have to explain about moving on with your life.   I think it is wonderful that you are taking steps for your future, at YOUR pace.  I'm very happy to hear that you are doing well. 

[ati_escapee]

Did she say where she had it done? I'll just go check. I need to get my hair cut/dyed really badly. 

When I was younger, I had (non-fundie) friends who said they kept their hair long because their dad liked it. That always creeped me out so much... 

That was one fundie/Gothard thing that my parents never got into. They did pick and choose a lot and long hair is one thing that didn't care about. I kept it shorter because I was on the (nike) swim team and it was just easier. 

[Charliemae]

I am legitimately happy for her.  Can you imagine how liberating it must be to finally be making your own hair decisions for the first time in your life?  Most of us get to change our hair whenever we feel like it.   I do believe she was brainwashed as a child that her hair is her crowning glory or some other fundie nonsense.  This to me is bigger than wearing pants for her as an individual.  From what I've experienced of narcissistic parental abuse, she seems to be coming to terms with the fact that her upbringing wasn't okay*.   

TBH I have a lot more hope for the Dillards than any other couple in either family.  Derick would need to make a public apology for all of the trans/homophobic bullshit he's spewed in the past.  But I think change is possible for them.  *side note* I do not follow Derick, am I correct it's been a long while since he's posted anything overtly bigoted.  I don't believe his views have changed, and wont unless he very specifically apologizes for the things he's said and done. But I do believe they just might be capable of critical thought, and from that there just might be real change in beliefs. 


*ETA I'm basing this more on her reading books on boundaries and postentally setting some with her family than the haircut itself.  But getting a haircut I liked was a huge part of breaking free from my narc upbringing so there's some projection there.  

Edited December 20, 2019 by Charliemae

[Alisamer]

2 minutes ago, Charliemae said:

I am legitimately happy for her.  Can you imagine how liberating it must be to finally be making your own hair decisions for the first time in your life?  Most of us get to change our hair whenever we feel like it.   I do believe she was brainwashed as a child that her hair is her crowning glory or some other fundie nonsense.  This to me is bigger than wearing pants for her as an individual.  From what I've experienced of narcissistic parental abuse, she seems to be coming to terms with the fact that her upbringing wasn't okay.   

TBH I have a lot more hope for the Dillards than any other couple in either family.  Derick would need to make a public apology for all of the trans/homophobic bullshit he's spewed in the past.  But I think change is possible for them.  *side note* I do not follow Derick, am I correct it's been a long while since he's posted anything overtly bigoted.  I don't believe his views have changed, and wont unless he very specifically apologizes for the things he's said and done. But I do believe they just might be capable of critical thought, and from that there just might be real change in beliefs. 

If Derrick is actually surviving law school, then he must have enough sense to self-censor the most bigoted of his beliefs. I wouldn't be surprised if "be careful what you post online" was emphasized in one of his classes. That said, I do hope they are able to learn and grow and think critically. 

On hair, that is a better look for Jill! I'm a fan of letting children wear their hair however they want. My mom is vehemently against that, and thinks the mom gets to pick the child's hairstyle, period. (This was not a religious thing, as much as a "for her own convenience" thing, possibly with a side of "pissing off the mother in law who wants the girls to have long hair". But still, a child old enough to have a strong opinion about their hair should have that opinion respected, IMO.) Which is why we all had bowl cuts regardless of what we actually wanted until we were in junior high or so. Me? If I'd had kids they'd get to wear them however they wanted. Shaved, mohawk, long, short, fun colors (I still have hot pink in mine, at the moment), whatever. It's just hair. I'd be that mom arguing with the school about restrictions on hair color, most likely. Your body, your business. Especially something so easily changed as hair. I'm always amazed at what people choose to be legalistic about.

I'm positive I'd be way better at hair if I'd been allowed to wear mine long as a child. I seem to be incapable of styling or braiding my own hair. 

[Cleopatra7]

9 minutes ago, Charliemae said:

I am legitimately happy for her.  Can you imagine how liberating it must be to finally be making your own hair decisions for the first time in your life?  Most of us get to change our hair whenever we feel like it.   I do believe she was brainwashed as a child that her hair is her crowning glory or some other fundie nonsense.  This to me is bigger than wearing pants for her as an individual.  From what I've experienced of narcissistic parental abuse, she seems to be coming to terms with the fact that her upbringing wasn't okay*.   

TBH I have a lot more hope for the Dillards than any other couple in either family.  Derick would need to make a public apology for all of the trans/homophobic bullshit he's spewed in the past.  But I think change is possible for them.  *side note* I do not follow Derick, am I correct it's been a long while since he's posted anything overtly bigoted.  I don't believe his views have changed, and wont unless he very specifically apologizes for the things he's said and done. But I do believe they just might be capable of critical thought, and from that there just might be real change in beliefs. 


*ETA I'm basing this more on her reading books on boundaries and postentally setting some with her family than the haircut itself.  But getting a haircut I liked was a huge part of breaking free from my narc upbringing so there's some projection there.  

I think Derrick was always a mainstream Southern Baptist, which is why I was surprised he was allowed to court Jill, since that would be considered way too liberal by ATI standards. This means that Derrick has unevolved views about a lot of issues, especially those involving gender and sexuality, but in most ways, he’s not that different from a lot of whites, fundegelical or not, in the South and Midwest. He probably thought Jill was cute from watching the show or seeing her in People, but had no intention of going full on ATI with the no education, no popular culture rules. I would be surprised if Izzy isn’t in some kind of bricks and mortar school in two or three years, if only because Derrick has to see how limited Jill’s education is and knows that long term homeschooling isn’t in anyone’s best interest.

[PennySycamore]

@Alisamer,  I always had to have my hair short when I was growing up because it was such a pain to deal with as it is so curly.   I never learned by braid mine either although I sorta learned as an adult.  To braid my hair, I'd put it in a high ponytail while it was wet, flip my head over and then I could braid it.  The wet hair helped keep the braid sections separate. The basics of braiding I learned by practicing on my girls.   French braids? Forget about it!

[libgirl2]

She looks younger and fresher. Her hair looks healthier too. Most importantly, her eyes are smiling. 

[Charliemae]

33 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

If Derrick is actually surviving law school, then he must have enough sense to self-censor the most bigoted of his beliefs. I wouldn't be surprised if "be careful what you post online" was emphasized in one of his classes. That said, I do hope they are able to learn and grow and think critically. 

That is a very probable reason he's been less extreme on social. Although he does still seems a bit, um... uncensored, when he gets to posting about TLC. 

[SassyPants]

The before picture reminds me of cousin It from the Adams Family.

[FluffySnowball]

I’m happy for her, she looks really good and happy with her new cut. It’s still long (and I get wanting to have long hair, my hair isn’t short either) but looks far more stylish and chic than before. Good on her! 

[Glasgowghirl]

Happy for Jill, I go through phases of growing my hair long and then cutting it short and same with having it dark or blonde. My mum and dad never forced us to have our hair a certain length or style my mum allowed me to get a fringe when I was about 10 because I kept asking for one and despite her thinking it wouldn't suit me, looking at the photographs now I can see how right she was, I didn't suit it and I grew it out a few months later. I will be the same with any children I have, only exception is that if the school they go to doesn't allow certain styles or it dyed.

 

[SHERA]

One semester in college was very stressful. One day between classes I drove over to the local hair school and had it all chopped off. When I went back to my next class, no one recognized me. 

[coffeebean7]

I really like Jill's hair and I'm happy that she was able to bring herself to do it. Right before she cut it she posted about only washing it once a week and I can't imagine how much of a pain it would be to deal with all of that hair. Not to mention it just looks so much better now.

[PurpleCats]

Who knew Jill would turn out to be the one to pierce her nose and chop her hair while distancing herself from her family? 

[adidas]

@ati_escapee she said B Lush in the post.

I love Jill’s hair. I wish mine looked so healthy and gorgeous.
 

She looks happy and pretty - I hope this is another step away from the rules she was forced to live by for so long, and that she continues to move away from the cult she grew up in. I know they’re only small steps, but they’re huge for her.

[Satan'sFortress]

Wow--I wish it didn't matter, and it shouldn't matter, and it doesn't really matter, but she really looks pretty. Here eyes look so blue.

 

@feministxtian your hair looks beautiful.  I hope that change gives you  a little boost. It is nice to take care of ourselves like that sometimes.

[HermioneSparrow]

She looks beautiful. And honestly out of all of the Duggars she's the first one I've seen smiling with her eyes, Jill seems happy, like genuinely happy. 

I hope this is the start of her broadening her horizon and questioning her upbringing, even if she doesn't become progressive at all but just a more accepting Christian mainstream woman, that will be a huge improvement and it can help Izzy and Sam to grow up in a much healthier environment.

[AtlanticTug]

7 hours ago, Cleopatra7 said:

I think Derrick was always a mainstream Southern Baptist, which is why I was surprised he was allowed to court Jill, since that would be considered way too liberal by ATI standards. This means that Derrick has unevolved views about a lot of issues, especially those involving gender and sexuality, but in most ways, he’s not that different from a lot of whites, fundegelical or not, in the South and Midwest. 

While Derick no doubt holds a whole cornucopia of offensive beliefs (like JimBob and the rest of the clan), most of his blatant online trolling was in respect of his views of trans men and women. If we are being honest, and take a good, long look at what polling statistics tell us, those views are frankly not that out of the mainstream, if at all. The main difference between him and your average person who might think the same things is that the average person may have the good sense to not spell them out for the whole world to see. But in this era of Trump, even that much is questionable.

[TZmom]

2 hours ago, HermioneSparrow said:

She looks beautiful. And honestly out of all of the Duggars she's the first one I've seen smiling with her eyes, Jill seems happy, like genuinely happy. 

You can just tell how excited she is by how good she looks. I hate to send any well-wishes their way, but it warmed my cold heart to see her happy.

I see a lot of myself in Jill, and if I had been brought up in that environment, I would probably be just like her. I hope she is questioning her beliefs and her upbringing A LOT, and I hope she can get herself out of the fundie mindset.

[Snarkasarus Rex]

I absolutely think she is questioning her upbringing, but I doubt she will change her beliefs much.  There honestly isn’t much daylight in between what Boob and Dillwank believe.

While I think in the long run this is good for her, let’s not forget this is only happening because they are no longer on the show.  If they were still filming, Dillwank wouldn’t be rocking the boat and she’d still be wearing maxi skirts 24/7 like Blessa and be looking down her nose at J’tofu.

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

Weighing in on Jill's new haircut. Wow! Massive improvement. She looks younger  tidier, and more modern. This is the best I've seen her look. Hope she keeps it up.

[Melissa1977]

2 hours ago, Snarkasarus Rex said:

There honestly isn’t much daylight in between what Boob and Dillwank believe

So true, but I think that birth control makes a massive difference.

[raspberrymint]

I'm just forever unimpressed with the Dillards because they remind me more of the family I fled than anyone else on here, with a smidge of extra fundie light to control the two kids in my immediate family, to control me more than my sister.  My relationship and now marriage to a trans person is why I cut off contact in calculated steps.  My parents don't know I'm married, won't know their grandchildren.  The Dillard boys would still have to go through much the same things my sister and I did, if they are anything like us.  They're not girls, presumably, so that might lessen it a little or make it much worse if they're not straight guys because there still is more of a stigma against gay guys than lesbians when we're talking about this type of Southern Baptist culture that the youth internalize.  And if a kid is more like my wife than me?  They get locked in basements, made homeless, left for dead or outright killed.  No different than if the parents were fundamentalists after all.

[Four is Enough]

I can't believe how much Jill looks like Jana in the after picture~ Her new style is lovely~ 

[SassyPants]

8 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

So true, but I think that birth control makes a massive difference.

And education. Both make a huge difference.