Dillards 81: Volunteering for God

[OutoftheShadows]

Wow, that’s a huge improvement! She looks great! 

[HideousGreenShirt]

It looks so good!! You go, Jill! Photos behind spoiler for those not wanting to give them clicks. 

Spoiler

 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I like Jill’s new cut a lot. I really hope her sisters feel like they can cut their hair if they want. I know long hair is pushed in Fundieland due to strict gender roles. I hate to think there are grown women who feel like they can’t cut their hair because it’s not feminine enough. 

[CarrotCake]

It looks so much healthier now! I can believe she feels much lighter as well.

 

And it is still considered a long hair cut so it should not make a difference to her 'glory as a woman'.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

6 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I know long hair is pushed in Fundieland due to strict gender roles.

It was also pushed in IBLP because of Gothard's sexual preference.

[JermajestyDuggar]

9 minutes ago, CarrotCake said:

It looks so much healthier now! I can believe she feels much lighter as well.

 

And it is still considered a long hair cut so it should not make a difference to her 'glory as a woman'.

It would be cool if this was the start of more hair experimentation on her part. Like she said in the blog, she rarely even trimmed her hair much growing up. Now that she likes this new cut, maybe in the next few years she will try out some new and possibly shorter cuts and styles. I admit I really hate all the rules and regulations on a woman’s body in fundieland. There are so many. And hair is just another on the pile of rules men made for women pertaining their body. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

She looks fantastic. That is a good length for her. 

I can't believe at what 27 years old she's never had more than a few inches cut off her hair. That is insane to me. Her hair must not grow like Jessa and Joy's, those two are the only 2 of the older girls who seem to have really nice LONG hair. Jessa and Jinger have always worn it a little shorter. 

Edited December 20, 2019 by allthegoodnamesrgone

[JesSky03]

Well hot damn! I give props to people who can wear their hair as long as Jill did without going insane. Usually by the time mine gets down to my boobs I'm ready to chop it off. It must have been a pain in the ass to manage especially with two young kids at home. I'm sure she feels a million times lighter and will be given more time back to her day!

[Screamapillar]

Wow, she looks 10 years younger now. That stringy hair was doing her no favors.

Maybe this haircut will give her a boost of confidence and energy. She seems to be really struggling even more than usual lately.

[Chewing Gum]

Wow she looks great! And a lot like Jana now.

[FloraKitty35]

The ends of Jill's hair look so much better with new haircut.

[portraitpixie]

I once cut all of my hair off too, when I was having a breakdown ... 

 

She looks great though 

[fluffernutter]

She looks so good. It’s weird, my oldest is her age and I swear they look so similar now that her hair is the same length as my daughter. Kudos to her for donating. My youngest did it when she was 14 and she picked Pantene to donate if I remember correctly. 

[feministxtian]

I recently had a drastic cut/color change...From at my waist to just below my shoulders for the cut and a glorious color job. The before is on the right and the after is on the left

[bella8050]

She looks so different!

Also is Jill learning sarcasm or does she really think it's a "fun fact" that she didn't have a single haircut till she was 14? 

[SassyPants]

I love her new hair cut. It suits her.

[PennySycamore]

29 minutes ago, fluffernutter said:

She looks so good. It’s weird, my oldest is her age and I swear they look so similar now that her hair is the same length as my daughter. Kudos to her for donating. My youngest did it when she was 14 and she picked Pantene to donate if I remember correctly. 

You picked a great organization to donate to, @fluffernutter.  They donate the wigs made from the donated hair.  Locks of Love may donate wigs now, but a few years ago, they were charging for the wigs.  

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

I would love to think that the "fun fact" was sarcasm. I'm starting to think that she is really coming to terms with just how fucked up her childhood was, and how messed up her parents and their control over their kids is. They were never given any options on different styles or personalities, the all shared clothes, so no individuality, they all had the same basic hair styles, girls long crunchy curls and the boys short neatly kept hair. At grandma Mary's funeral, the lost girls, aside form Josie, had the same exact hairstyle, even Kenzie did as well.  This isn't news to anyone here that they were all raised as boys and girls, and everything was the same for the boys and the girls, no variation. 

Jessa and Joy still seem to be stuck in fundy frumpers, while Jinger and Jill have branched out to more modern packaging.  Jessa tries every so often to dress nicer or more modern, but I think Joy just doesn't care. 

[Alisamer]

On December 14, 2019 at 4:58 PM, SassyPants said:

Like the commenters above, I agree with others that it’s good for the Dillards to be  living more in the real world. I hope Jill is not angry or disappointed in her previous life( isolated, no friends, no activities, no freedoms, education or choice).

I hope she's angry. She has the right to be angry and disappointed, if that's how she feels, and it's understandable to be angry at how limited she was as a child! Maybe she isn't, maybe she loved it, I don't know. But I think most people would be pretty angry to realize the sort of opportunities they could have had that were kept from them. And honestly a flash of anger toward her parents and her upbringing wouldn't be out of place, here. I don't want her to be bitter or anything, but realizing that she could have had better, and wanting better for her own kids? Definite good thing IMO. I hope she looks at Abbie having been a nurse before marriage, and her MIL being educated, and sees lots of other women who are clearly Christian, but have jobs, interests, education, etc. and realizes she could have had that. She could still have some of that, if she wants. She can make sure her kids have these sort of opportunities, if they want.

On December 19, 2019 at 7:19 AM, breakfree said:

I do agree that even with Dwreck being as awful as he is she's objectively better off (and her kids will certainly be much better off) away from or at least further from the influence of her parents and her birth family at large and exposed to some of the more secular ideas that Dwreck is clearly comfortable with. But that doesn't have anything to do with how Jill feels. 

Derrick is not a good person, IMO, but I do think he's been a good influence on Jill in some ways. She seems to at least have some idea who she actually is, now, and their kids are likely to be far, far better off than they would be if they were following JB and Michelle in lockstep. 

On December 19, 2019 at 9:55 AM, PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea said:

I love that! I love the mismatch aesthetic, possibly because I'm cheap and used to volunteer at a thrift store. All the patterns!!

I agree, I love mixing and matching stuff like china.

That said, I have depression and dishes are my nemesis, so I use a lot of disposable stuff myself, at the moment. I appreciate those who are able to do more for the planet than I am able at the moment.

23 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Also, no matter how uncomfortable Jill is, the abrupt change in their lifestyle and path, I do think she will be far better off in the long run. We live in a big, interesting world, and there is so much to learn, see and experience beyond having baby after baby that you can not solely support or healthfully nurture. Dillard is an asshat, but separating  his family from Counting On and phasing out JB and M’s limitations and tenets were positive moves for his family, no matter Jill’s initial pains and struggles.

I agree. I'm sure Jill has and will struggle with realizing that mom and dad's way wasn't necessarily always the best way, or the right way for Jill's family. But it's something necessary and good, IMO.

20 hours ago, breakfree said:

I actually think there's a real possibility her kids could go to public school. I do not see Dwreck allowing her to homeschool them past a certain age. For all his bad qualities I think we have a lot of evidence at this point that he's pro education, at least for boys/men,  and I don't think he's delusional enough to think Jill could adequately educate their kids. I do think they'd prefer a Christian school and even that it's possible one reason he's limiting their family size is to increase their chances of being able to afford one, but I think he'd opt for public school over Jill/nothing. 

I hope so. I think a big positive in him spending time in Nepal and them living in scary central america is that they were exposed to differences in culture. JB and Michelle remind me of some people I've met who've lived in the same places their whole lives, only travel a little if at all, and spend the time they are traveling comparing where they are to "back home". They seem fundamentally uncurious, and as much of an ass as Dwreck is, he does seem to be curious and appreciate learning. He's got the education himself to realize how limited his kids would be with only Jill's homeschooling, and enough life experience to realize his kids will need education to succeed in life. (As opposed to living off JBs TV money, running a car lot JB gave you, etc.)

20 hours ago, SassyPants said:

While I do not share DD’s beliefs, I do applaud some of his decisions: furthering his education, limiting his family size to date, eliminating the show and his kids’ media exposure, attending a brick and mortar more moderate church, modeling his parents’ tenets VS JB and M’s, and seemingly exposing Jill to a more moderate style of living,  plus aiding her to make more independent personal decisions ( pants, shorts, tank tops and nose ring to name a few).

Yes, yes, yes. I know there's always a lot of pushback when a fundie is praised for changing something superficial like deciding to wear pants, but each of those things is a tiny change in their beliefs. If they can realize they don't actually believe God thinks women should only wear skirts, that's a step forward. Tiny, yes. Inconsequential? Maybe not, in the long run. It at least opens their minds to considering some of the other beliefs they were raised with, and actually thinking some rather than blindly following every little thing. If God's OK with pants on women, maybe he's also OK with limiting family size to a number of kids you can afford to feed and clothe without begging. Maybe he's OK with kids going to a Christian school rather than homeschooling. Maybe he's OK with moms working to help support their families. Each question at least makes them THINK about what they believe. And each change they make reduces (ever so slightly) the limits placed on the next generation..

I have a little more hope for the little Dillards than for the younger Duggarlings.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

I recently had a drastic cut/color change...From at my waist to just below my shoulders for the cut and a glorious color job. The before is on the right and the after is on the left

I LOVE this, that color is amazing, is there a rose-gold in there? It really suits the bit of skin tone I can see in your photo.  A new do for your new life?  I hope you are doing well. 

[breakfree]

I love her haircut and it does sound like for her, even though most would still consider it a long cut, it's kind of a big deal that it occurred to her to do it.

I do not share the hope that her 'fun fact' was sarcasm though. If only.

Edited December 20, 2019 by breakfree

[feministxtian]

14 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I LOVE this, that color is amazing, is there a rose-gold in there? It really suits the bit of skin tone I can see in your photo.  A new do for your new life?  I hope you are doing well. 

I have no idea what colors she used. I love it. I just had my roots done this week. It was another step into my "new" life...as a single woman. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm still dealing with my husband being gone, it'll be 4 months next week...and it still sucks. 

Anyway...enough of me. Thank you!

[breakfree]

I took one for the team and watched her video. It is awful, save your brain cells. The editing is atrocious and at times one feels a Blair Witch Project vibe with how she films.

First half - saying the same thing over and over in different locations about how she's decided to really cut her hair a lot and is nervous. Slightly impatient with Israel at one point but nothing outrageous.

Drops boys at Cathys work, Sam very excited to see grandma.

Like 15 seconds of the actual haircut.

Last 3 minutes- shows Derek. His reaction is surprisingly warm and normal, and shockingly he actually appears to be studying. Just at the very moment one might be slightly warming toward them it cuts to get awkwardly showing him her cut hair as he awkwardly stands there with his arms crossed. She then concludes with 90 seconds on how to store hair for donation and how great hair donation is blah blah zoned out a bit.

[WarriorJane]

4 hours ago, Glasgowghirl said:

Jill seems to turn to Cathy for babysitting and advice before Jim Bob and Michelle, while her parents still have children at home and more grandchildren, I still think it's telling that she will call on her mother in law before her mother. 

I also see the children going to at least a Christian school for later year's education. 

Probably because she'd have to make an appointment to talk to Michelle.   

[ofMatthew]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

I recently had a drastic cut/color change...From at my waist to just below my shoulders for the cut and a glorious color job. The before is on the right and the after is on the left

I LOVE your hair it's gorgeous! The color is amazing, I had a lot of severe hair damage and am currently working on mine. I can't wait until I can have long pretty hair like that again naturally. Thank heavens for hair extensions, lol.