Dillards 81: Volunteering for God

[RainbowSky]

17 hours ago, BernRul said:

I'm not saying that you were, just that we don't know that Jinger isn't getting some shade from the family. Jill hasn't been completely disowned. According to Derrick (if he's being completely honest, I do happen to believe him in this at least) he and Jill can't go visit the family without JB being present. That means that they are still allowed to visit, hence not disowned, hence still see the family from time to time. I think that's probably true for Jinger and Jeremy too. Michelle being there at the birth and them visiting the Vuolos doesn't disprove that. 

Didn't he say that they needed permission to take Jessa to the TTH? So they needed permission for 2 adult daughters (possibly with husband and children) to be at the house without him there. 

Or am I remembering that wrong?

 

 

17 hours ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

Maybe Derick is pursuing a law degree for the express purpose of taking on TLC and Jim Bob.  I know that’s very far out there, but maybe?

I thought this before it was announced.

[ariel9]

Also I have noticed that there are a few contributing factors regarding a Duggar’s likelihood to “break free”

What is their gender? Girls have a harder time in the cult than a guy would. It’s easier to be a guy in this cult. Seem manly and be worshipped. 

How much of their livelihood is controlled by JB? Do the kids live close?The car lot kids are not going anywhere because both jobs are JB sponsored. Also what marketable income does Ben have outside of this show.?

Is their spouse and their family super fundie? The girls outside of maybe Joy have not married the perfect Gothard men. The boys however all have good Gothard women that can be found in previous specials and episodes. The boys will have a harder time leaving if they want to at all. They will find themselves double shunned from their own family and in laws. 

[viii]

On 12/28/2019 at 1:54 PM, mstee said:

I think that Michelle has more control behind the scenes than she leads on. 

I’ve always believed Michelle to run that family. Jim Bob would cave to her instantly imo. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

2 minutes ago, viii said:

I’ve always believed Michelle to run that family. Jim Bob would cave to her instantly imo. 

100%.  I've said for years she wears the pants in every way but literally.

 

[JenniferJuniper]

1 minute ago, viii said:

I’ve always believed Michelle to run that family. Jim Bob would cave to her instantly imo. 

I don't think she runs the family, but if she put her foot down, I agree he'd cave.  I just don't know how often she does that.  Jim Bob comes off as a boob, but I think he is cunning, controlling and doesn't believe his offspring should deviate from HIS chosen lifestyle.  And I think Michelle has the koolaid running in her veins. 

Whatever Dullard is or isn't, Josh has almost certainly done far worse. I wonder if he needs JB's permission to stop by and visit with his young sisters?  It would not surprise me if he didn't.  

[HideousGreenShirt]

2 minutes ago, viii said:

I’ve always believed Michelle to run that family. Jim Bob would cave to her instantly imo. 

I get this vibe too. JB said on the show(s) about having kids "I've always left that up to Michelle." and that seemed to give the power balance away. 

It's always seemed that JB loves his children and is proud of them and enjoys spending time with them. Whereas Michelle is proud of the number rather than the individuals and seems more concerned with enforcing rules and standards. 

I'm not saying either is a good parent. 

[viii]

33 minutes ago, JenniferJuniper said:

I don't think she runs the family, but if she put her foot down, I agree he'd cave.  I just don't know how often she does that.  Jim Bob comes off as a boob, but I think he is cunning, controlling and doesn't believe his offspring should deviate from HIS chosen lifestyle.  And I think Michelle has the koolaid running in her veins. 

Whatever Dullard is or isn't, Josh has almost certainly done far worse. I wonder if he needs JB's permission to stop by and visit with his young sisters?  It would not surprise me if he didn't.  

I think Michelle is sneaky, devious, and underhanded. People underestimate her in my opinion. I grew up in a religious cult very similar, and I knew a lot of women like Michelle. They are just as dangerous as their husbands. The Duggar lifestyle isn’t his, it’s theirs, and she pushes it just as much as he does. 

[QuiverFullofBooks]

8 hours ago, RainbowSky said:

Didn't he say that they needed permission to take Jessa to the TTH? So they needed permission for 2 adult daughters (possibly with husband and children) to be at the house without him there. 

Or am I remembering that wrong?

Jessa was going to the TTH to walk the stairs to get labor going. She left the boys at home with Ben. I don’t think she needed permission to go, but obviously someone had to drive her, and the person who was available was Jill. According to Derick, Jill had to ask Jim Bob by phone if she could go to the house, even though it seems like everyone was at Carlin’s wedding.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

1 hour ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

100%.  I've said for years she wears the pants in every way but literally.

 

I remember Michelle and Jbob arguing about content going into some book they were writing.  She got right pissy about what SHE wanted. She’s like “we’re doing it this way!”  Jbob caved in immediately.  I thought that was really telling.

[Cleopatra7]

1 hour ago, HideousGreenShirt said:

I get this vibe too. JB said on the show(s) about having kids "I've always left that up to Michelle." and that seemed to give the power balance away. 

It's always seemed that JB loves his children and is proud of them and enjoys spending time with them. Whereas Michelle is proud of the number rather than the individuals and seems more concerned with enforcing rules and standards. 

I'm not saying either is a good parent. 

JB seems to know how to play with the younger kids on some minimal level, which I don’t think Michelle is capable of. It’s very obvious that she lost interest once a J’baby started becoming mobile and showing interest in things that weren’t her. I don’t think either knows what to do when their children start becoming people, which is why I think the kids get extended stays at JTTH or ALERT.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

4 minutes ago, Cleopatra7 said:

JB seems to know how to play with the younger kids on some minimal level, which I don’t think Michelle is capable of. It’s very obvious that she lost interest once a J’baby started becoming mobile and showing interest in things that weren’t her. I don’t think either knows what to do when their children start becoming people, which is why I think the kids get extended stays at JTTH or ALERT.

I agree and it's sad how low the bar is set for JB to be the "better" parent. 

Being marginally better than nothing is still woefully inadequate.

[QuiverFullofBooks]

From the sons-in-law today. Ben’s doing women’s work and Derick’s throwing more shade at JB (and likely Josh and Michelle). Good for them.

[Queen Of Hearts]

1 hour ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

From the sons-in-law today. Ben’s doing women’s work and Derick’s throwing more shade at JB (and likely Josh and Michelle). Good for them.

 

What is DD saying now?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

9 minutes ago, Queen Of Hearts said:

What is DD saying now?

I assume she meant what was posted above - him liking the CS Lewis quote.

[Idlewild]

Well Lauren has posted a gushing tribute to her in laws so either she and Josiah have been selected to lead the damage control and we’ll see more of this over the coming days, or they have decided to follow the money and realise that  while they may agree with some of DD’s comments, he won’t be paying for them to loaf around posing for selfies any time soon. Or possibly both! 

[AussieKrissy]

On 12/28/2019 at 8:45 AM, JenniferJuniper said:

Assuming Dullard is telling the truth and assuming it's not related to filming, it's completely bizarre.

Wasn't Jill especially close to James and Jennifer?   The Lost Boy (now man) and the Lost Girl.  Maybe he's concerned about her influence on them, especially Jenny?

Poor Jenni she was so attached to Jill. It breaks my heart she may have lost her “mom” again. I think I remember in the early days of jill’s marriage she had James and Jenni at her place often. Now she never has them that we see. 

[justmy2cents]

1 hour ago, AussieKrissy said:

Poor Jenni she was so attached to Jill. It breaks my heart she may have lost her “mom” again. I think I remember in the early days of jill’s marriage she had James and Jenni at her place often. Now she never has them that we see. 

No, it seems Joy has taken over that role.

[Bad Wolf]

I remember JB comforting Jenni when Jill got married. Poor child was losing her mother.

[Peaches-n-Beans]

4 hours ago, viii said:

I’ve always believed Michelle to run that family. Jim Bob would cave to her instantly imo. 

To be honest, this seems to be the case in a lot of fundie families. I grew up homeschooled. Now my mother homeschooled us very well and with a secular program, no religion involved, however I grew up in the south so all our homeschool activities were mostly with fundie homeschoolers, this was in the days of the frumper too, so I've seen a lot of it. One of my friends (I can't really say close even though we saw a lot of one another because frankly, it's impossible to be close to someone in a cult) were what i'd call fundie light. They were young earth creationists who used, Abecca I think? One of the 'school in a box' type curriculum (as my mother called it) that was fundie, but they wore pants and cut their hair. 

Anyway, this family, and most of the families in our homeschool group, and even my best friend's family (she has since pulled away from Fundiedom but her family was also fundie light when we met) were all clearly controlled by the women. Now I don't think Michelle, or any other woman has a lot to do with the way the actual cult is structured but in the family the women do seem to have most of the control. 

[FundieCentral]

@singsingsing: this was from around 6 pages ago, but I recall that you asked why Derick may have claimed to have been brought to the brink of sanity. 
 

Random trivia, but I believe to recall that we have previously discussed that TLC may be behind the frequent early home births as the local hospital may not have allowed them to film. If that was the case, and Sam and Jill ended up in grave danger to their health and well-being as a result of attempting a home birth, and then TLC, who coaxed them into it, refused to pay the bill, I can see how this would make him very, very angry. Pure speculation of course, but I this isn’t impossible in my head. 

Similarly, I could really see JB or TLC trying to convince them to stay in El Salvador until the next filming season or so, even after Jill and Derick had decided that it’s time to return home because it’s just not safe for a young family with a child. They may have been willing to comply at the time, but now see how utterly negligent that was of JB and TLC, just for the money. 

[singsingsing]

48 minutes ago, FundieCentral said:

@singsingsing: this was from around 6 pages ago, but I recall that you asked why Derick may have claimed to have been brought to the brink of sanity. 
 

Random trivia, but I believe to recall that we have previously discussed that TLC may be behind the frequent early home births as the local hospital may not have allowed them to film. If that was the case, and Sam and Jill ended up in grave danger to their health and well-being as a result of attempting a home birth, and then TLC, who coaxed them into it, refused to pay the bill, I can see how this would make him very, very angry. Pure speculation of course, but I this isn’t impossible in my head. 

Similarly, I could really see JB or TLC trying to convince them to stay in El Salvador until the next filming season or so, even after Jill and Derick had decided that it’s time to return home because it’s just not safe for a young family with a child. They may have been willing to comply at the time, but now see how utterly negligent that was of JB and TLC, just for the money. 

We don't actually know whether Sam was another failed home birth or not. It's possible Jill always intended to go to the hospital. But yeah, I could see TLC pressuring them into all kinds of things. TLC is at least as shady and immoral as the Duggars. And Derick can't seem to resist blabbing, so I'm sure we'll learn more in time.

[indianabones]

2 hours ago, FundieCentral said:

Random trivia, but I believe to recall that we have previously discussed that TLC may be behind the frequent early home births as the local hospital may not have allowed them to film. If that was the case, and Sam and Jill ended up in grave danger to their health and well-being as a result of attempting a home birth, and then TLC, who coaxed them into it, refused to pay the bill, I can see how this would make him very, very angry. Pure speculation of course, but I this isn’t impossible in my head. 

Well, since then we've had three birth specials (Kendra's two and Lauren's) that were filmed in hospitals. And I find it really hard to believe that Jill, with all of her "midwife experience", would ever voluntarily check into a hospital to give birth (as opposed to the emergency intervention she's had.) I think we can safely say that homebirthing was her choice and not one that TLC talked them into.

[Giraffe]

Outside of Anna, have any of the women Duggars-by-marriage planned home births? 

[bella8050]

We need a file someplace of all these screenshots. I swear I saw one from Derick saying that Sam's birth had been planned for the hospital, and then needed an emergency C section (I remember wondering if he meant crash because he didn't refer to Izzy's as an emergency).

Something random came to mind as well, from one of Derick's old blogs (from Feb 2016 "Engaging The Battle" which fun enough has a picture of the Dillards with JB&M):

Quote

 

Dear Friends,

It is my pleasure to write concerning the work that the Lord is doing in the Latin American world at this present time, including the sanctifying work that He is doing within me personally as well as my family. We have been stretched in ways that we could not have imagined in recent days, of which I will not go into the details on at this time, but we have confidence and trust in the Lord’s faithfulness in that which He has called us.

 

Also a quick check of the posts Jill makes on the blog, last spring was the last time I'm seeing pictures of Michelle and the younger kids.

I don't think Derick intends to personally rep himself in a potential lawsuit, but being taken by JB/TLC made him want to know all.the.things. so no one can pull something on him again. 

[LacyMay]

2 hours ago, bella8050 said:

We need a file someplace of all these screenshots. I swear I saw one from Derick saying that Sam's birth had been planned for the hospital, and then needed an emergency C section (I remember wondering if he meant crash because he didn't refer to Izzy's as an emergency).

I don't remember the tweet but I do distinctly remember the C Section discussion and someone questioning if he meant a crash c section.