Dillards 81: Volunteering for God

[Icea]

7 minutes ago, Laura2730 said:

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I’m thinking that the whole ”Jill needed JB’s permission to assist Jessa when she was in labor” has very little to do that she couldn’t help Jessa at all and more about whatever (odd) boundaries JB has set for the TTH and Counting On. It says they’re not allowed at the house when JimBob isn’t there, and they did go over to the TTH to kick-start Jessa’s contractions after her water broke - I’m more inclined to believe that Jill phoned JB to make sure it was ok that she took Jessa over to the TTH and that Derick uses this to prove his point about how JB is a control freak.

And if indeed there was any discussion about Jill helping Jessa at all I am quite sure it had more to do with the filming for Counting On rather than JB fearing that Jill would influence Jessa in any way, out of all his children Jessa would be the most stubborn one and not easily swayed by anything Jill would say. I imagine there could be quite a discussion about how they would solve the filming for Counting On if Jill had a prominent role during Jessa’s labor and more likely than not THAT’s what they were discussing.

I believe that a lot of what Derick has written is true, but he’s known for being vague and insinuating stuff from time to time. I could see him interpreting this situation to prove his point/confirm already established feelings for JB.

 

[Maggie Mae]

10 minutes ago, Icea said:

And if indeed there was any discussion about Jill helping Jessa at all I am quite sure it had more to do with the filming for Counting On rather than JB fearing that Jill would influence Jessa in any way, out of all his children Jessa would be the most stubborn one and not easily swayed by anything Jill would say. I imagine there could be quite a discussion about how they would solve the filming for Counting On if Jill had a prominent role during Jessa’s labor and more likely than not THAT’s what they were discussing.

I don't think it's Jessa that Jim Bob is worried about. It's the little girls who still live at home. The older kids were much more isolated. Now Jim Boob and ofJimBob have to work harder to counter act Jill's worldly influence. Jill wears pants! She goes to a church with other people! She has a nose ring and for all we know Derrick and JB have difference of opinions of church beliefs. (I don't know what, the Duggars and  Dillards don't have much public about the details of their theology). Christian Churchs splinter constantly over things that don't seem to matter much, while overlooking the main points - treat others how you want to be treated, work hard, rich men don't make it to heaven so feed the poor, pay your taxes, share the message of love and peace. 

So Jennifer sees Jill, and suddenly she's questioning things, at a much younger age. Couple that with JB and of JBs age, and Jill's apparence introduces doubt to the rest of the family at a younger age. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

It wasn't permission to help Jessa, it was permission to go to the TTH WITH Jessa while Jessa was in labor. 

[Icea]

@Maggie Mae Exactly, that’s why I don’t think it makes any sense that Jill would need permission from JB to help Jessa while she was in labor, and the rest of the family was out of town. I’m thinking Derick is intentionally wording his post to make it sound that way though,

Edited December 27, 2019 by Icea
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[Glasgowghirl]

Jim Bob is an even bigger ass if this is true, filming or not, Jessa wanted her sister while she was in labour and she shouldn't have been made to wait for Jim Bob's permission. This is up there with Chris Jeub cutting off all his older daughters because they no longer wanted to be controlled by him. 

[Maggie Mae]

7 minutes ago, Icea said:

@Maggie Mae Exactly, that’s why I don’t think it makes any sense that Jill would need permission from JB to help Jessa while she was in labor, and the rest of the family was out of town. I’m thinking Derick is intentionally wording his post to make it sound that way though,

But people who lived this way know that if Jill doesn't ask, she'll be in more "trouble" with her dad. If the rule is "you are not allowed in this house with out my permission" then going to see Jessa with out permission is breaking the rules. That's what fundamentalism is - follow the rules, do not use your own judgement. No exceptions. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

16 minutes ago, Maggie Mae said:

I don't think it's Jessa that Jim Bob is worried about. It's the little girls who still live at home. The older kids were much more isolated. Now Jim Boob and ofJimBob have to work harder to counter act Jill's worldly influence.

I absolutely think this is a major concern for them.

My brother lived with his then gf before they got married and my dad, who wasn't religious at all, put the fear of God into anyone who told me that was happening and I was 13 at the time.  Simple reason he didn't want me to see it as an option..

[apandaaries]

29 minutes ago, Glasgowghirl said:

Jim Bob is an even bigger ass if this is true, filming or not, Jessa wanted her sister while she was in labour and she shouldn't have been made to wait for Jim Bob's permission. This is up there with Chris Jeub cutting off all his older daughters because they no longer wanted to be controlled by him. 

The Jeubs are why this scenario rings true to me. Chris has far less control over his oldest daughters, and they all fled. The Kellers have had daughters flee and sons question loudly. The Plaths have their own sorta breakaway. 
JB fears losing control so he exerts even more power.
It won’t work forever, but he’s far more comfortable clinging to power than portioning it out. Poor Jill. That has to suck—being stuck between the dad you were forced to worship and the husband whose face was on a pillowcase provided by your parents before the wedding. And JB selected Derick!
No wonder Jill is slowly breaking free, if not by choice. Rock and a hard place, right there.

[NonSOTDRT Teacher]

I don’t think Jill having to get permission has anything to do with the tv show. We’ve seen photos of Joshley there when JB has been out of town. It’s what others have said, control. Since Josh is still towing the fundie line and is “forgiven,” all is good. Jill is getting worldly and is considered a bad influence on the other kids.

 

The hypocrisy here is disgusting. No wonder Jill and Amy seem to have gotten closer in recent months. They probably have more in common now to talk about (ex: Amy could go to their house, but the others couldn’t go to hers without JB as kids/teens)

[ariel9]

2 hours ago, JanasTattooParlor said:

Great minds think alike! I get very strong Plath family vibes from this and can also totally believe that JB has banned them from the big house for the reason you listed. I also wholeheartedly have been trying to find a way to say what I quoted above. I think Jill probably feels the exact same way Derick does and just isn’t confrontational enough to say in publicly. I think FJ wants to think that Jill just goes along with it and that Derick is the one causing problems but I think she’s on the same page. She’s the one that’s gone against the family’s convictions of long hair, no piercings, and skirts only and has posted about reading and listening to books/podcasts about setting boundaries. I think her and Derick realized they got screwed over and have started to learn that everything she was taught is not correct and that bit of thinking has caused JB to not let them near the kids so that they don’t teach them that JB is not the all knowing, perfect parent he likes to portray he is.  

I too noticed the similarity between the Dillards and Plaths. I know that it is pretty much said that we will not  believe that Duggar has broken free until they’re a practicing Pagan sending money to Planned Parenthood but I really think the Dillards are starting to break free. JB seems to think so and does not want anyone else in the fold to get any ideas. I think that it may have started out with the TLC thing but could have underlying core value differences. The Dillards are already paying the price of being free by limited contact with the family. It may not mean anything to us but when you are raised with the majority of your friends being your family that has to be painful. A recent AMA on reddit with a former gothardite spoke about the process. It is quite awkward and painful for those involved. Individuals are unpacking everything that they have learned and secular people are not too patient with the metamorphosis. 

[Exposedknees]

Does anyone remember the

" Ugly Sweater Party" from last Xmas(2018) . I seem to remember  that JB&M were gone, Jill, Izzy, Sam, and Sex pest and his family were pictured. ( As were other siblings) It wasn't filmed but Jill was at TTH. I wonder what has happened since then, to cause the "ban"??

Edited December 28, 2019 by Exposedknees

[JenniferJuniper]

It must be a conundrum for many fundie ladies.  Raised to believe that your father is your headship until, with Daddy's full blessing, Prince Charming comes along and takes control of your mind and body.  Told growing up that your only real friends are your siblings.  Then Prince Charming pisses Daddy Dearest off and you are essentially cut off from everyone in the family. 

Jim Bob transferred control over her to Derick and he is now in charge of Jill. Those are the rules and she followed them! How could this happen to a perfect fundie girl like Jilly Muffin?

Whatever is going on, I hope it's a wake up call for Jill.  And even more so for Hannie, Jenny, the One in the Middle, and Precious Blessing.  It's bullshit, gals.  All bullshit.

[nst]

On 12/4/2019 at 5:23 PM, AussieKrissy said:

A quick buck from leghumpers.
He will make one book sale from us here on FJ.  Someone here will take one for the team and then let us know what is in it. Who can we nominate??????? Who volunteers????
plus anything juicy will be in mags. We can read it there.  

I will take one for the team and buy it and read it. 

subheadings anyone?

 

[nst]

19 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

Conditions could be abusive family dynamics and pressure.

which would be associating with josh, 

which would be associating with JB and Derick in a room together.

 

10 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

So, filming for TLC made them almost sane? Or have I been using this phrase wrong my whole life?  I thought it was the brink of insanity?

could it be filming in SCA on top of another bad pregnancy and labour and JB demands 

and Derick being sick constantly 

[FleeJanaFree]

I actually don't find it at all surprising if it's true the Dillards are only allowed over if JB is there. I think it comes down to JB's need for control and his bullshit "umbrella of protection" will be the excuse. The Dills make different decisions than JB does; he can't risk them 'infecting' the other children. It's also a direct warning to the other children about what to expect if you don't stay in the fold. IT's their own version of shunning; they can't officially stop talking to them as that would be unchristian like in the public eye but he can sure make them suffer and pretend its for religious reasons.

It is so damn sick that perfect Jill who did everything right in her asshole dad's eyes her whole life and married the man he personally picked out for her is the one shunned though, rather than fucking Josh. JOSH.

[FreeCalifornia]

I’m not allowed at my parents or grandparents homes without permission (and my parents are not allowed at my grandparents without permission either).  I think it has little to do with not trusting ME and more to do with them feeling they have personal boundaries. I’ve never asked to go when they’ve declined, they just want to know if I’m there and they are not. So for me that isn’t immediately odd, though if the requirement isn’t even across all the kids that have moved out it raises more red flags for me.

i wonder if JB keeps old contracts/records he doesn’t want Derrick getting access to. Or if he has information that is privileged to a NDA he feels he must protect. Maybe JB trusts some of his kids but not Derrick/Jill

who knows, it’s obviously a mess and I don’t intend to sound like I’m siding with JB on this- but there is so much unknown 

the fact Derrick would even claim he didn't know the family got paid is  ridiculous. Just because he may not have had specific details doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have suspected it. Seems like a manipulation of the truth (LIE). 
 

also, wouldn’t TLC get some sort of an agreement before working with the adults? Especially the ones with kids? Seems like TLC would want to cover its own liability. Obv seems to not be the case but odd

 

 

[Satan'sFortress]

[AtlanticTug]

10 hours ago, breakfree said:

This is everything of substance he's said so far. I do think he's being fairly candid now. Wonder if all the kids think no one is getting paid in cash?

These are all uneducated fools, with limited to no exposure to pop culture growing up so I'm not altogether shocked if they assumed JimBob was being paid-in-kind essentially, for example, by having their travel expenses comped, construction/contractor services provided in the building of TTH or reno'ing of some of the properties featured on the show, covering Christmas/baby shower/wedding gifts and expenses. Derick and Jeremy would really be the only two who married into the family who would/should know better.

JimBob is sketchy as f*ck and I am all here for Derick to burn it to the ground. Not because he's some sort of knight in shining armor, but because JimBob and Michelle are the proximate causes of all of this evil - keeping their kids uneducated and ignorant, allowing Josh access to his young sisters and covering it up, sending the kids to be brainwashed at ALERT and JTTH, marrying them off like they are chattels and keeping them dependent. This whole thing is their fault INCLUDING but not limited to, bringing Derick into the fold. That was the brainchild of JimBob, lest we forget.

The mere existence of the Duggars as they continue to be is tantamount to child abuse.

Keep it coming, Derick.

[JenniferJuniper]

1 hour ago, FleeJanaFree said:

It is so damn sick that perfect Jill who did everything right in her asshole dad's eyes her whole life and married the man he personally picked out for her is the one shunned though, rather than fucking Josh. JOSH.

I detest Derick (Derek, Derrick, Durwood, Dagwood, whatever), but I can understand this getting his goat more than anything.  Josh is not the sole source of the rot at the core of that family, but he's a huge part of it.   

As horrible as the molestations and the cover-ups were, I'm still sickened over Jim Bob trotting his daughters out in front of the cameras to talk on national tv about how much they loved and forgave their parents' sun  son. I don't even know these women so I can only imagine how Derick felt about it.  

[Baba O'Riley]

WOW!!  Is this the first time Derrick has referred to Jill as being "an abuse victim"?

 

Edited December 28, 2019 by Baba O'Riley

[FleeJanaFree]

I just want to send a thank you to everyone willing to trudge through his social media for comments because I am very unwilling. Interesting things found, thank you for taking one for the team!

[Snarkasarus Rex]

Fuck you, Derick!

He’s never once publicly given two shits about Jill being an abuse victim and PUBLICLY THANKED JOSH for donating to his mission school gofundme!

I would love to see Derick and Boob destroy each other...they are both trash!

[grandmadugger]

I wonder if after Cathy got well she started asking Derrick questions. I don’t know if I would instantly question my spouse that had been doing something for years. Cathy was pretty ill for the first year or so of their marriage it seems that after she got well is when Derrick started pulling his family back. 

[FreeCalifornia]

Still odd to me- they felt pressure thinking they were required to film yet he didn’t know there was a contract or that JB was paid?

Then what was the pressure? He says it won’t look good for TLC but it seems like JB would have been the only one to pressure them if they didn’t know about a contract.

 

[neuroticcat]

This one was pretty buried. My guess is either they were lied to outright, told it was for the headship to negotiate, or, since the kids were so young when the show started, never bothered to challenge it. 

I mean if your whole life was arranged around your family’s ministry of filming, it would just be part of your life...kind of like a celeb’s kid. My guess is their first few years in CA they didn’t iver think it-they were focused on missionary work and it was probably pretty minimal filming time with the crew and maybe even nice for Jill who seemed scared in CA to see familiar faces. 

Then when the Josh news broke and Jill pressured to talk and Samuels birth uncompensated they began to set boundaries and learned about the real contract..

 

Spoiler

When reading all the comments,  I came across this gem...and the username was familiar. Remember the crazy troll account with the Christmas trees with embryo models on it? Yup. 

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

Edited December 28, 2019 by neuroticcat
Tried to put in spoiler for images...failed...and succeeded!