Lori Alexander 61: Harridan MIL

[Evangeline]

7 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

I have an idea of how we can make some money. We need to capitalize on the box craze and make The Godly Wife box. 

It comes with einkhorn bread mix, $14/lb butter, lettuce, and canned salmon. It also includes duct tape to remind you to be quiet, pre-cut switches for discipline, black salve, binoculars for spying on neighbors, a copy of Lori's and the Pearls books, a barf bag, a fancy notebook and pens for practicing script. The final gift is a KJV Bible with everything but out except Titus 2:3-5. 

murder hours today! Supplies are limited.

What, no lube? 

 

[Loveday]

3 minutes ago, TeddyBonkers said:

@Loveday,my mom grows the cabbages herself and I come out to help her can every summer (along with various other things). Sauerkraut is messy work- days later, I will still be finding pieces of shredded cabbage all over the kitchen!

I have the mandolin my grandmother used to shred the cabbage before Grandpa put it down in the crocks (I think it's called a mandolin, it's a wooden board with a sharp cutting edge in the middle of it). The shredded cabbage would fly everywhere! 

6 minutes ago, Evangeline said:

What, no lube? 

 

And a timer! Ten minutes! 

[wallysmommy]

We will sell the deluxe version that includes coconut oil, sardines, sauerkraut, special Godly lube that smells like Frankincense or Myhrr, and a timer, for an additional $6.66 per month.  If someone has special FB programming knowledge, we need to set it up so that it shows up as an ad on Lori's fB page.

If this is successful, we will expand the business to a JillRod box, featuring a new version of health products that are the same as Plexus, but much, much more affordable.  I can't even think about doing a GHaw box, because the idea of pink ween gravy makes me want to hurl.

Thank you for excusing my weird autocorrect words in the previous post.  I was typing on my Kindle late last night, after taking a certain medication that will remain nameless.  God does provide people with knowledge and talents to create things that help others have a better life.  Lori could probably use some Trintellex -- it works wonders for keeping me grounded.

[Imrlgoddess]

1 hour ago, Evangeline said:

What, no lube? 

 

Butter, yo.

 

And ya'll totally forgot the organic cheese from organic cows!! 

[Alisamer]

1 hour ago, Evangeline said:

What, no lube? 

 

With the butter and the coconut oil, do you really need any?

The Jillrod box would have to have a can of green beans with a demon in it, a can of Aquanet (the pink aerosol, preferably), dollar store jewelry and a wet & wild green eyeliner. 

The Ghaw box - maybe coupons for weens, ads for mechanics, nose hair clippers and a camp chair?

Maybe also a Remnantbox? A very skinny doll whose stomach growls when you squeeze it, a diet soda, two potato chips with extra salt, three M&Ms, another can of hairspray - something very high end, and an envelope to send your money to Gwen.

The Nauglerbox would have to actually be a white bucket. With a dog bow on it.

[wallysmommy]

This is the size of each of the products in our starter box.  I'm using my Sephora Play box for January as an example.  I put my watch in it to show perspective.  A subscription with full size products will be $666.00 a month. 

If you have a rich husband, and everything you have is "free"  you can subscribe to the super deluxe version and it will be delivered to your door.  No more having to be inconvenienced by going to stores where the ungodly music vexes your soul.  No more having to deal with store employees who have piercings, tattoos, and are wearing thongs under their uniform.

 

[TeddyBonkers]

The Maxwell box will be empty, just like Steve's heart.

Too much?

[louisa05]

Lori today: 

Quote

The Lord asks us to live sacrificial lives. He asks us to love others deeply and when living a life of serving our husband, children, and home all day, I do believe it makes women softer, more feminine, caring, and most importantly, more loving since they are giving their lives away instead of selfishly living for themselves and their goals and desires.

Dear God, so this is allegedly the softer, more caring, more loving version of Lori? Really? Wow. 

 

[AuntKrazy]

I propose that for the Reformation day (what the heathens call Halloween) box that a "do it yourself" kit for a costume be included.  This year's costume:  Working mother Jezebel.

It features:  public school report cards for your neglected children with highlighted behavioral problems, realistic looking iPhone, briefcase, empty McDonald's bag, Starbucks travel mugs, your own set of fake car keys, plastic mock credit cards to demonstrate all your debt, Jezebel color lipstick by L'Ancome, and 2 full sheets of temporary tattoos, including a fake tramp stamp.

[delphinium65]

53 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Lori today: 

Dear God, so this is allegedly the softer, more caring, more loving version of Lori? Really? Wow. 

 

I shudder to think what the previous version was like.  The 'new' one is bitchy enough to make me glad she lives in another state.  

[Lgirlrocks]

I’m sorry but If I was a single mom I would not send my baby to live with a Christian family. Though most Christians mean well they don’t show it. Most Christian families spank, home school, and keep their kids from learning about other religions. I wouldn’t want that for my child. Christian doesn’t always mean better. 

[SongRed7]

3 hours ago, Loveday said:

our amazingness! My grandfather and uncles--PA Dutchmen all, but not farmers, just gardeners-- used to make it, and it was awesome. And no, never, ever, EVER was it put on a salad. It belongs in a pot with roast pork, slowly cooked until you can't wait any longer and have to start eating it. Preferably with some mashed potatoes on the side as well.

I grew up in western PA.  You just described my childhood. My mom made copious amounts is sauerkraut  which she canned and we had all winter. A big crock of it working was a common site in our kitchen every fall. Now I’m hungry for roast, sauerkraut and mashed potatoes! ❤️❤️

[wallysmommy]

Sauerkraut wasn't part of our fare as I grew up with a French/Creole grandmother in New Orleans.  However, my dad's family is from West Virginia, so they have huge gardens and love to can.  Several years ago my parents visited one of my dad's crazy (and I mean truly crazy) cousins.  He showed my mom his shed where he had at least a hundred jars of sauerkraut canned and loaves of bread on shelves.  She said "the bread is stale" and he responded "You just dip it in some soup and it gets soft again."  He also claimed God provided him some free shoes at the mall.  Yep, he was shoplifting.  

[freealljs]

Can't forget the 4 chips and 4 bites of chocolate.  Only 4, because that seems to be a magic number for God's mouthpiece.  And what about a chicken-juiced Norwex cloth?

[Momto2Princesses]

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Lori today: 

Dear God, so this is allegedly the softer, more caring, more loving version of Lori? Really? Wow. 

 

She regurgitating her stupid shit from a few months ago. This doesn't sound very loving at all.  There is not a single loving bone in her body. She is a mean and nasty person. Is Lori really so dense that she doesn't understand that everyone has different talents and gifts? I guess bitchiness is hers and she has it in spades. 

[Alisamer]

3 minutes ago, Momto2Princesses said:

She regurgitating her stupid shit from a few months ago. This doesn't sound very loving at all.  There is not a single loving bone in her body. She is a mean and nasty person. Is Lori really so dense that she doesn't understand that everyone has different talents and gifts? I guess bitchiness is hers and she has it in spades. 

My translation of that is "I, Lori, was too dumb and lazy to have dreams or accomplish anything other than birth some kids for the nanny to raise, so no one else should either. Tell your daughters to look to what The Lord Lori wants them to do - sit home and suffer and shut off their brains (like I do)."

There's nothing loving at all about Lori. She plainly detests almost everyone she posts about including her daughters, barely restrains herself from blasting her leghumpers, and is only with Ken because of his money. She's the embodiment of the word "hateful".

[mango_fandango]

12 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

I have an idea of how we can make some money. We need to capitalize on the box craze and make The Godly Wife box. 

It comes with einkhorn bread mix, $14/lb butter, lettuce, and canned salmon. It also includes duct tape to remind you to be quiet, pre-cut switches for discipline, black salve, binoculars for spying on neighbors, a copy of Lori's and the Pearls books, a barf bag, a fancy notebook and pens for practicing script. The final gift is a KJV Bible with everything but out except Titus 2:3-5. 

murder hours today! Supplies are limited.

CRYING with laughter at this. 

Perhaps some also come with salad ingredients and raw egg dressing, and some boxes of raisins spelt “raisans”.

[Momto2Princesses]

We all know you and Ken read here. SInce I've been banned and can't post maybe you could answer this here. How in the world is this "loving"? You truly bring shame to God with your "teachings" and I use that term very loosely.

[cindyluvs24]

1 hour ago, freealljs said:

  And what about a chicken-juiced Norwex cloth?

Thank you.  I'm on Weight Watchers and if I am ever tempted to go over my point limit I will think of Lori's Norwex cloths, soaked in chicken drainage.  ( I actually just retched a little saying it to myself.)  

"She of the Chicken Juiced Norwex"  could be a new thread title. Or character on Game of Thrones.

[AuntKrazy]

@mango_fandango  and a guide for tudoring your children. . . 

[freealljs]

So, is Lori suggesting that female movie roles should be played by men dressed as women, since women shouldn't be pursuing much of anything?  I am trying to understand her latest drivel.  

[klein_roeschen]

There are a many jobs out there who don't need a college education, but are fullfilling and rewarding. We can't all be highly payed proffessionals, but that doesn't mean that "lower" occupations are worth less. Telling your daughter to give up proffesional dreams about her future, because she isn't the next Marie Curie is cruel and soul crushing. Not when she instead can become a talented hairdresser or car mechanic, for example. And even if she just works as a cashier in the supermarket, it pays her bills and made her independend. It's honest work and nothing to be ashamed or to be shamed for.

[Loveday]

1 hour ago, mango_fandango said:

CRYING with laughter at this. 

Perhaps some also come with salad ingredients and raw egg dressing, and some boxes of raisins spelt “raisans”.

 

1 hour ago, cindyluvs24 said:

"She of the Chicken Juiced Norwex"  could be a new thread title. Or character on Game of Thrones.

 

1 hour ago, AuntKrazy said:

@mango_fandango  and a guide for tudoring your children. . . 

 

 

(I really needed a good laugh today because of some insane/stupid/frustrating shit going on in my real life, so thank you all.  )

[Lgirlrocks]

Lori can go fuck herself today with coconut oil! I don’t care. I wasn’t constantly told by my mom and older brother that I wasn’t smart enough to do things. Didn’t help that I was home schooled by my mom. I grew up feeling dumb and very stupid. I still feel that way today and I’m almost 30. If it wasn’t for my dad telling me I could be anything when I grew up because I was smart enough to find a way I would not be where I’m at. I work at a decent job with great benefits that I got because of my college education. I worked very hard to be a first generation college graduate with a bachelors degree. 

 

[lilwriter85]

2 hours ago, freealljs said:

So, is Lori suggesting that female movie roles should be played by men dressed as women, since women shouldn't be pursuing much of anything?  I am trying to understand her latest drivel.  

lol. I wonder if Lori would have been happy if she had lived during those past time periods when men played women in theater plays.