Jessa and Ben 49: Five and Counting

[SassyPants]

3 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

That was exactly my thought. I hated leaving the house with two young kids. All those car seats, car sickness, and the constant complaining. Along with remembering to pack diapers, wipes, and other crap babies need. I also hated to nurse in public. So I felt like I was on house arrest for a full year. 

Ugg- my SIL/brother had 3 boys in 3 years. And these were really high maintenance kids, fragile, asthma, surgeries, accidents…and my SIL loved to be anywhere but home (brother a FF who worked 24 hour shifts, so gone a lot). I used to pray that she would just stay home as it would have been so much easier.She didn’t-

[Cam]

Is that what Jessa is saying, that she never feels like leaving the house?

[JermajestyDuggar]

47 minutes ago, Cam said:

Is that what Jessa is saying, that she never feels like leaving the house?

She said she uses to feel like she needed to get out of the house once a day. But she doesn’t feel like that anymore. And I bet it’s because she has 5 young kids. 

[SassyPants]

6 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

That was exactly my thought. I hated leaving the house with two young kids. All those car seats, car sickness, and the constant complaining. Along with remembering to pack diapers, wipes, and other crap babies need. I also hated to nurse in public. So I felt like I was on house arrest for a full year. 

The carseat  buckling/unbuckling and shoes, because you know those little buggers love to take off their shoes would make any car outing beyond the ones that were absolutely necessary truly unpalatable.

[Father Son Holy Goat]

I hope Jessa is able to take her own feedback when deciding future reproductive decisions. It doesn’t mean she should stop because I think she should, but if she’s too overwhelmed to leave the house that isn’t good. It can affect her mental health and by extension her kid’s. 

[Pecansforeveryone]

Jessa is top of my list for Duggar child I want to get therapy. She is having baby after baby. She doesn't have any creative or physical outlets. Plus I think she is especially adapt at wanting to "put her best face forward for the cameras." Over time, that effort takes a terrible toll. 

[patsymae]

25 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

The carseat  buckling/unbuckling and shoes, because you know those little buggers love to take off their shoes would make any car outing beyond the ones that were absolutely necessary truly unpalatable.

Plus how do you get them all out of the car without somebody running into the street/parking lot? 

[Father Son Holy Goat]

25 minutes ago, patsymae said:

Plus how do you get them all out of the car without somebody running into the street/parking lot? 

Parentalize the older ones to look after the younger ones? It’s the Duggar way! 

[SassyPants]

NOPE on making kids responsible for other kids’ safety- that is a huge recipe for disaster and the need for lifelong therapy.

[Expectopatronus]

Surely they could get a swing set second hand and at least get out in their backyard. I have a basic one that I got free on give away weekend.  My daughter loves sending her dolls down the slide. She needs to get outside for her own mental health. Buy some sidewalk chalk and let Spurgie through Fern go nuts. 

[marmalade]

1 hour ago, Expectopatronus said:

Surely they could get a swing set second hand and at least get out in their backyard. I have a basic one that I got free on give away weekend.  My daughter loves sending her dolls down the slide. She needs to get outside for her own mental health. Buy some sidewalk chalk and let Spurgie through Fern go nuts. 

I'm pretty sure they have a swing set in their very large yard. Jessa probably just sits on the deck with George while the other four wear themselves out. That's likely as far as she gets out of the house on a daily basis. She probably has her groceries delivered, and we know she loves Amazon.

[Melissa1977]

8 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

She said she uses to feel like she needed to get out of the house once a day. But she doesn’t feel like that anymore. And I bet it’s because she has 5 young kids. 

I really love being a mother, but if I had 5 little kids, I would be desperate to leave the house... alone!

[Cam]

14 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

She said she uses to feel like she needed to get out of the house once a day. But she doesn’t feel like that anymore. And I bet it’s because she has 5 young kids. 

I don’t see a problem with not wanting to leave the house every single day. When I was a young mother of one, Mr. Cam once said, “Did you want to go somewhere? You haven’t left the house in five days.” I had absolutely no idea I’d been home that long. Never gave it a thought. I was content. I had previously been out and about every day. Yet, in another instance, Mr. Cam’s car was in the shop for three days so he took my car to work. I could not believe how depressed I was during that time that I was stuck at home, unable to jump in my car and go anywhere.

So not sure Jessa’s mind frame with her comment. I see where Joy’s expressed some frustrations in her life these days, and it’s making me wonder if she and Jessa are starting to feel the effects of the fundie-wife box they’ve been placed in. They had the excitement of a reality show, the attention of courtship, marriage, childbirth and having their first baby, and they moved through all that at such a young age. Now they’re in the “blush is off the rose” phase where it isn’t all as exciting as it was at the beginning, and they’re met with the daily grind and nitty gritty of it all. 

 

12 hours ago, patsymae said:

Plus how do you get them all out of the car without somebody running into the street/parking lot? 

12 hours ago, Father Son Holy Goat said:

Parentalize the older ones to look after the younger ones? It’s the Duggar way! 

Exactly! It’s the fundie blueprint! 

Edited May 4 by Cam

[postscript]

13 hours ago, Pecansforeveryone said:

Jessa is top of my list for Duggar child I want to get therapy. She is having baby after baby. She doesn't have any creative or physical outlets. Plus I think she is especially adapt at wanting to "put her best face forward for the cameras." Over time, that effort takes a terrible toll. 

Plus I get the impression her marriage isn’t the healthiest. It’s hard to say why, and I may be completely off base. But Ben doesn’t seem very present in her recent posts. He could just not want to be on social media, or it could be a sign he’s checking out of the marriage. This is one fundy couple who I could actually see needing couples counseling and occasional date nights, 

[Mama Mia]

On 5/3/2024 at 9:58 AM, SassyPants said:

I hope she feels like she has a choice particularly in the area of procreation. Does she realize the likely reason she doesn’t want to leave the house might be d/t the fact that she has 5 kids, 8 and younger?

She has stated they started planning / spacing after Spurgeon and Henry were born so close together, and that they’ll decide they’re done at some point - but that’s not a decision she’ll make when she’s pregnant or postpartum. 

They have a big yard, she had a play structure at their last place so likely one at this house. And there’s plenty of cousins for playtime. 

For some reason, I think people tend to assume that if you have an assertive personality with strong opinions, that you are naturally an extrovert and like to go do all the things and be out peopling. And conversely if you are a quiet people pleaser who doesn’t express strong opinions  - that you’re naturally an introvert who would prefer to stay home doing things with just your family. In my experience that isn’t always the case.  Nothing better or worse about any of those traits - they just aren’t always distributed in the way we expect them to be. 

 

 

 

 

[raayx01]

Ben's sister Danielle is engaged

[GreenBeans]

6 hours ago, Cam said:

I don’t see a problem with not wanting to leave the house every single day.

Wow, I couldn’t imagine. The only times I don’t leave the house on a daily basis are when I’m sick (and even then, unless I’m REALLY sick I try to at least go for a walk to get some fresh air or walk to the pharmacy if I need to pick up medicine). And very very rarely on a lazy Sunday when I’m home alone and get the chance to do nothing but sewing all day. But that happens maybe once a year.

I just feel really bad and lazy and unhealthy when I stay in all day.

[Coconut Flan]

I'm guessing Jessa goes outside and she may even take the kids on a walk.  I think she's talking about going out to a store, coffee shop, mall, etc. for which she likely has to drive.  Staying home more can also be a factor of getting older and not needing an outing every day.  I do think five young children is the biggest factor.  

[Mama Mia]

2 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

Wow, I couldn’t imagine. The only times I don’t leave the house on a daily basis are when I’m sick (and even then, unless I’m REALLY sick I try to at least go for a walk to get some fresh air or walk to the pharmacy if I need to pick up medicine). And very very rarely on a lazy Sunday when I’m home alone and get the chance to do nothing but sewing all day. But that happens maybe once a year.

I just feel really bad and lazy and unhealthy when I stay in all day.

It’s amazing how different everyone is. I can’t imagine feeling the need to go out every day. It feels - to me- just full of anxiety and pressure and stress to always be on and busy. I’d feel like I was having to prove something to someone allllll the time.  I do know a couple people like you though. Different strokes for different folks I suppose. The problem of course comes in if one partner needs to be always going out and the other always staying in and they can’t work out a way to be comfortable with those differences. Or worse, you are a whole high energy do all the activities and sports and outside things family - but one child would rather stay home reading a book or playing a game. Or vise versa. When I had young kids and work I absolutely lived for lazy , never leave the house or bother to get dressed, or do a damned thing  days. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, Coconut Flan said:

I'm guessing Jessa goes outside and she may even take the kids on a walk.  I think she's talking about going out to a store, coffee shop, mall, etc. for which she likely has to drive.  Staying home more can also be a factor of getting older and not needing an outing every day.  I do think five young children is the biggest factor.  

When I had 2 kids 2 and under, we just went on walks to get out of the house. Luckily we could walk to the playground, library, or Starbucks. So we had more options than probably Jessa. It’s so much easier to put a couple kids in a double stroller than load them into car seats. Because they loved walks and hated the car. They were very good at contorting their bodies every which way when I tried to buckle them in their car seat. 

[Expectopatronus]

We don’t necessarily go somewhere exciting everyday but we do leave the house to play outside (unless the weather doesn’t permit) . In the summer, we go to the splash pad a couple times a week because it’s free and fills a few hours. I have a high energy kid. 

[HeartsAFundie]

22 hours ago, marmalade said:

I'm pretty sure they have a swing set in their very large yard. Jessa probably just sits on the deck with George while the other four wear themselves out. That's likely as far as she gets out of the house on a daily basis. She probably has her groceries delivered, and we know she loves Amazon.

She probably has Walmart+ for the groceries.  $98/year and you get unlimited free grocery delivery as long as the order is over $35.  With 5 kids, an order over $35 is a given. 

If you want to return something from Walmart and you have Walmart+ they will come to your house, scan the return and take it away for you.  It's a great benefit.   

[GreenBeans]

7 hours ago, Mama Mia said:

The problem of course comes in if one partner needs to be always going out and the other always staying in and they can’t work out a way to be comfortable with those differences. Or worse, you are a whole high energy do all the activities and sports and outside things family - but one child would rather stay home reading a book or playing a game.

I’m actually not super active or high energy. I love staying in, reading and not having to socialize and talk to people. But I still feel like I need to get out the house at least once per day. Living in a big city it’s not much of an effort either. Going to the supermarket or the bakery is like a 5 minute walk.

I’ve been sick for months between November last year and March this year. It started off as a cold that wouldn’t go away, the cough turned into bronchitis, it kept getting worse until I could hardly walk for 5 minutes and spiked a pretty bad fever for a week and ended up in hospital with pneumonia and broken ribs from all the coughing. 

I’m in my early 40s and have never really been sick apart from a cold, so this was a humbling experience. I am almost back to normal now thankfully, but these months really made me appreciate being able to do all the “normal” things. Just being able to go for a walk without having to worry whether I’ll be out of breath, having enough energy for full work days, being able to plan outings again without the thought of “not sure if I’ll be well enough to go” at the back of my mind, it feels so good!

So I guess that’s one reason why I try to get out the house every day - because it simply feels good that I CAN!

[Italiangirl]

@GreenBeansi'm sorry ypu had such awful months, is good to hear you are about to be back to normal. I get what you say about having the chance to go outside if you so wish, I basically work from home (I just go in the house next to mine since we host a airbnb experience)  but there are days that I'm just happy to be outside with my dog and read or listening to an audiobook, while others even just going to do some grocery shopping is needed, if nothing else to see different people 😅!

I think Jessa may start to feel a little bit lonely and bored, her similar age sisters all have multple kids and can just leave their houses/spouse/kids to hang out whit her for a coffee or something, they are busy with their own houses and I bet that even for them is hard to just load the kids in the car to go playing with the cousins, so probably they often see each others at the big house or after having planned for a while. She is a mother of five now the novelty has come off, the show is ended and there is nothing new on the horizon, it has to be kinda boring right now, maybe in a few year when Spurge and Henry will be teens it will be better 

[Cam]

15 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

 

I just feel really bad and lazy and unhealthy when I stay in all day.

I love my home. I don’t own a pair of sweatpants, and I never lay around the house in my pajamas all day. By mid morning I’m showered, dressed and have my hair curled. This was my routine even during the pandemic. There’s plenty to do around the house, but I have no guilt reading or watching tv or surfing the ‘net if I want. My yard is small but lovely as I have a green thumb and have been a flower gardener for decades. People pay tens of thousands of dollars or more for their houses yet can’t/don’t actually unwind and enjoy living there makes no sense to me. 

I’m not tethered to the house, tho, and get out plenty enough. But I don’t need to leave the house every single day in order to feel productive.

 

5 hours ago, GreenBeans said:

I am almost back to normal now thankfully, but these months really made me appreciate being able to do all the “normal” things. Just being able to go for a walk without having to worry whether I’ll be out of breath, having enough energy for full work days, being able to plan outings again without the thought of “not sure if I’ll be well enough to go” at the back of my mind, it feels so good!

So I guess that’s one reason why I try to get out the house every day - because it simply feels good that I CAN!

I’m so sorry that those health matters snowballed like that and am glad you’re doing better. I, too, have health issues (ongoing), so I can very much relate to being grateful for being able to do “normal” things.

Edited May 5 by Cam