Jinjer 36: Post-millennial Pregnancy

[Jana814]

1 hour ago, Knight of Ni said:

A past boyfriend would threaten to harm himself or kill himself when we would have disagreements or he thought I was ignoring him. It took a little while to understand how toxic it was. That person should leave immediately. It was used as a control and guilt tactic on me. “You made me have to hurt myself”. 

About 10 years ago I dated someone like that. He was very immature and emotionally unstable. 

[CorruptionInc.]

On 30/01/2018 at 9:12 AM, nvmbr02 said:

Well, my uncle was born 8 months after my grandparents anniversary. Grandma swears he was born early but no one believes that since he was 9lbs and all her other babies were closer to 7, except her youngest who was early and around 5 pounds. 

In any case she has had several grandchildren that have had children under less than ideal circumstances (teen pregnancies, one nigh stand for a father, etc...) and she has always been really supportive of the parents to be. It makes me wonder if her own family was supportive of her or if she faced condemnation from them.  

Things like this can go either way. My neighbour got pregnant before being married to her boyfriend and she didn't live with him. Even though this happened, she had her niece living with her and was mortified when she had her boyfriend sleep over. She was worried about her niece getting pregnant and was furious with her. Her niece ended up moving out a few weeks later. 

Honestly, unless it is a criminal act to be sleeping with another person (i.e. minor, attack, abuse) there's not much we can actually do about two people sleeping together if they're both consenting parties. What people do behind closed doors really has nothing to do with me.

No I'm not a fence sitter, I just don't meddle in things that have nothing to do with me.

Also my neighbour is an absolute !@$%@!%@!!!! who is always meddling and so rude. I could go on about her for days. 

[MayMay1123]

6 hours ago, Knight of Ni said:

A past boyfriend would threaten to harm himself or kill himself when we would have disagreements or he thought I was ignoring him. It took a little while to understand how toxic it was. That person should leave immediately. It was used as a control and guilt tactic on me. “You made me have to hurt myself”. 

My cousin had a boyfriend like that...when she broke it off, he threatened to kill himself, she wouldn't take him back. And then he suicided. I always thought how sad the whole situation was, but really it was terribly abusive, especially since she had guilt for a long time after.  

[Texas Heifer]

34 minutes ago, MayMay1123 said:

My cousin had a boyfriend like that...when she broke it off, he threatened to kill himself, she wouldn't take him back. And then he suicided. I always thought how sad the whole situation was, but really it was terribly abusive, especially since she had guilt for a long time after.  

My husband's first girlfriend did this to him--I mean, she didn't go through with the threats, but it still was traumatic for him. He's an aspie and a late bloomer, so was 28 years old at the time. She had 2 kids, too, which only made it harder for him to finally put his foot down and break it off for good, because what if he dumped her and these kids lost their mom? So messed up.

Years later, we found out she married someone who looks a fair bit like my husband. We feel very sorry for him.

[elliha]

11 hours ago, MayMay1123 said:

My cousin had a boyfriend like that...when she broke it off, he threatened to kill himself, she wouldn't take him back. And then he suicided. I always thought how sad the whole situation was, but really it was terribly abusive, especially since she had guilt for a long time after.  

It is sad that he committed suicide no matter if he was also an asshole with your cousin trying to make her feel blame for something that was wholly his decision. Any suicide is a tragedy at the very least for that person.

I have also encountered the guy who threatened me with suicide. We were not dating but friends and flirting. After one night when I had too much to drink and did some stupid but not dangerous stuff that I told him about he started to be very "protective" (his description) of me and wanted me to not go out partying and things like that. I told him to stop being a controlling asshole and if he continued like that I would not be friends with him anymore. Then the suicide threats and the long texts about how bad he was feeling started. First I would comfort him and talk to him and such but when he yet again started acting controlling I told him to piss off. He started sending message after message and first I ignored him but then the started with the suicide threats again and then I said enough and told him that was it and I would have no contact with him again what so ever. Then he sent even more intense messages about suicide and I just told him to go ahead so that I got some peace and quiet. Not my proudest moment but it made him stop sending me messages and call me. He didn't kill himself though, for the next 6 months he would occasionally send me texts which I just ignored.

[bananabread]

12 hours ago, Texas Heifer said:

My husband's first girlfriend did this to him--I mean, she didn't go through with the threats, but it still was traumatic for him. He's an aspie and a late bloomer, so was 28 years old at the time. She had 2 kids, too, which only made it harder for him to finally put his foot down and break it off for good, because what if he dumped her and these kids lost their mom? So messed up.

Years later, we found out she married someone who looks a fair bit like my husband. We feel very sorry for him.

This is eerily familiar. My fiance had a close female friend like this. She acted normal to get to know him, then constantly tried to manipulate him into dating her, despite 1) him being completely disinterested and 2) her being married to some poor guy in the Navy. She would bite herself, bang her head into the wall, and threaten suicide to try to force my now-fiance to love her. He was terrified that if he ditched her, she would actually kill herself, or falsely accuse him of abusing her (which she threatened to do). It wreaked havoc on our first six months together. Then she left the picture...with my help.

She is now living in her mother's house and on her third baby with Husband #2, who looks exactly like a balder, chunkier, older version of my fiance. Baby #1 was conceived before she divorced Husband #1, and I'm 99% sure she got pregnant to force Husband #2 to marry her. He's a 30-year-old man-child who spends 40+ hours a week playing video games while she works full time making ~$30k a year. We feel really bad for Husband #2, but I also sometimes feel she got what she deserved.

[SweetJuly]

I feel for all of you and your loved ones who had to go through such traumatic bad relationships

At least you had the chance to get out, and were not tied to the unhealthy relationship by means of a covenant marriage and/or an environment that expects you to marry your first romantic partner and considers divorce an absolute taboo.

[Four is Enough]

I had a BF who threatened suicide. short term relationship, ONCE. I told him I would NOT marry him, would NOT become engaged with him, because he was still married, and I had already gotten the vibe that if I hooked up with him I'd be extremely sorry. I was ending it, told him I was leaving town (to go to a conference) and to have all of my stuff ready to go in a box, and I'd bring his stuff and we'd exchange. He got crazy drunk and said he'd kill himself. I got on a plane and worried the entire time until I got hold of friends who drove to his house and sobered him up. He's still alive, AFAIK, all these years later, still married to the same woman, but separated, and has done this to more than one woman in between.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

It's sobering, hearing all these stories of boyfriends/girlfriends threatening suicide. Threatening suicide if their partner leaves is a type of abuse. With a quick search, I found it on a list of signs of abuse, here.

Spoiler

I'm glad everyone who told their stories here was able to leave their relationship safely.  I hope we can all help anyone we know who ends up in a bad situation like these. It's helpful to know the domestic abuse shelters and hotline numbers for your area, in case you ever need to help someone.

[MargaretElliott]

My ex wouldn't directly threaten suicide, but he would constantly say that if I wasn't with him he didn't see the point, I was the only reason he was still here (never specified where "here" was), or that if he wasn't perfect in every way, then he didn't deserve to live. He also played games and orchestrated little tests- for example, telling me to go out and have fun with my friends instead of hanging out with him, with the intention of getting mad at me if I said yes and accusing me of ignoring him if I actually did go out. Then whining and feeling sorry for himself and calling himself an emotional abuser- with the intention of getting me to feel bad for him and telling him otherwise.

He was kinda right though. Fuck you, buddy.

It took a long time (almost 6 years, oof), but eventually I left him for a guy who's really awesome and mature and sweet. I didn't realize how truly toxic my past relationship was until I got into a healthy one. I generally agree with Jeremy's post. If someone threatens you with suicide, that doesn't mean they love you. It means they're abusive and selfish and toxic. I wouldn't say do nothing, though. Maybe this is what he means, but I'd say get the hell out of that relationship.

I do wonder what he would say if the two were already married. I get the feeling I wouldn't like the answer quite as much.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

My daughters BFF's CURRENT boyfriend is like this, she's 17 and he is 16. He's threatened to kill himself several times. He is controlling, manipulative, immature and according DD annoying AF. Her parents are useless POS who pay her very little attention so she's starved for it and he gives it too her, but it isn't good attention. She suffers from depression as it is, so this toxic relationship really isn't good for her.  She is coming with DD & I on a long weekend trip out of town and I'm hoping I can talk her into getting rid of him, his emotional instability isn't her problem, she needs to tell him to back off and if he can't respect that she needs to break it off.  I'm PRAYING she makes it to 18 without getting pregnant so I can take her to PP to get birth control. Her parents won't let her and I can't do anything for her until the end of June when she turns 18. I've told her I would take her but she has to have parental consent. I hate worthless lazy parents as much as I hate controlling immature men.

[just_ordinary]

My best friend found herself in a situation like that. Her then BF has depressions and she was worried constantly. In the end she called the police and reported him as someone who might harm himself. She also showed his family his messages so they could intervene.

I mean what else can you do? If someone is ill he needs help, if someone is just a jerk maybe a nice police encounter makes the line crystal clear. 

[viii]

Horror stories like this make me thankful that I'm single and always have been. I'm glad everyone got out safely. 

[choochoo]

22 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

  I'm PRAYING she makes it to 18 without getting pregnant so I can take her to PP to get birth control. Her parents won't let her and I can't do anything for her until the end of June when she turns 18. I've told her I would take her but she has to have parental consent. 

Just curious where you are that a teen can't take themselves to the health dept or PP and get birth control without parental consent?   It's been a good minute but when I was a teen in TN I could go to the health dept and get on the pill and I had a legal right to my medical privacy and didn't need any kind of consent. I was 16 but I just assumed it was like that everywhere in the US at least.

Edited to add that in my area there are no PP so I only have real experience with the county Health Dept

[Meggo]

12 minutes ago, choochoo said:

Just curious where you are that a teen can't take themselves to the health dept or PP and get birth control without parental consent?   It's been a good minute but when I was a teen in TN I could go to the health dept and get on the pill and I had a legal right to my medical privacy and didn't need any kind of consent. I was 16 but I just assumed it was like that everywhere in the US at least.

Edited to add that in my area there are no PP so I only have real experience with the county Health Dept

And if it's a cost thing - my doc gave me a few "samples" and I didn't need insurance (or my mother knowing).

Now that was a long time ago (early 90s) but...

 

[choochoo]

5 hours ago, Meggo said:

And if it's a cost thing - my doc gave me a few "samples" and I didn't need insurance (or my mother knowing).

Now that was a long time ago (early 90s) but...

 

At the health Dept it was always free since I was a teen with only a part time job so there is that as well. 

[Kangaroo]

I don't mean to detract from the thread drift, but this from Jinger's Instagram story today. (Stories disappear after 24 hours so I thought I'd share for anyone who doesn't use Instagram.)

 

[justoneoftwo]

7 minutes ago, Kangaroo said:

I don't mean to detract from the thread drift, but this from Jinger's Instagram story today. (Stories disappear after 24 hours so I thought I'd share for anyone who doesn't use Instagram.)

 

I'm surprised she needed one.  She looked tinny last time she posted a photo.

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

Just now, justoneoftwo said:

I'm surprised she needed one.  She looked tinny last time she posted a photo.

She didn’t. That’s why it’s funny ;-). 

[justoneoftwo]

Just now, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

She didn’t. That’s why it’s funny ;-). 

lol oh got it!  Sorry.

[oldfashionedgal]

On 04/02/2018 at 3:28 AM, SweetJuly said:

My daughter's due date is my birthday.

While the most important thing is that she is born healthy, I would appreciate it if she could decide to come a bit earlier (or later)

A have a friend who was due on her birthday (Feb 8th) baby came on the fourth. Only hours after you said this

[JoyfulDhampir]

 

[PumaLover]

Jenni is actually smiling, sort of.

[Bethella]

I've been lucky enough that I've never had a boyfriend threaten suicide. But this case happened near me last year. An 11 year old boy was dating a 13 year old girl. She faked her death on social media. He didn't realize it was a prank and committed suicide. The girl did receive '4-6 months' of probation for her two charges: malicious use of a telecommunications service and falsifying death of yourself causing self-harm resulting in great bodily harm.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/education/wp/2017/04/09/an-11-year-old-boy-killed-himself-after-his-girlfriend-faked-her-death-shes-now-facing-charges/?utm_term=.525f949f35a1

[ViolaSebastian]

When we were breaking up, during one of our final fights, my ex-husband threw himself on the floor and threatened to attempt suicide if didn’t “touch” him. I recognized his threat for what it was, but I still called for the police, who talked him into going for an evaluation at the ER. I used the time to pack a bag and skedaddle.