Joy and Austin 17: Staying Off the Internet

[SilverBeach]

With all the emphasis on marriage for life in their culture, and the dearth of other events worthy of dressing up, you might think that the super specialness of the occasion would warrant wearing other than everyday casual clothes. 

In my culture, dressing down for a formal or even semi-formal wedding would get you badly talked about.

Not only that, but drawing attention to yourself by looking out of place is rude when all the focus should be on the people getting married.

[VBOY9977]

We still dont even know if that was the outfit she wore to the ceremony or if she changed into/out of it before or after the ceremony, so I wouldn’t  put that much thought into it 

[Thorns]

3 hours ago, Glasgowghirl said:

Joy's outfit is not that bad, she is not someone who is in to fashion and she probably thinks it's fine, as long as she is happy in it and Tori isn't offended by it then who cares. I don't think she was dressing this way to be disrespectful, I have depression and going to parties and events causes me anxiety about what to wear and if it will look good. Looking back at pictures some outfits I've picked probably look the way Joy's did. If she had shown up in gym wear or dirty clothes then I'd say she was being disrespectful. Joy can't seem to win if she is dressed up people say she is being influenced by Austin, if she chooses her own outfit she is not appropriately dressed and is being disrespectful.

After being very angsty about what to wear a few too many times, I started really looking at what other people wore. And, I finally figured, you can't win them all. And considering what other people might deem fit to wear, I've never been the worst dressed in any way  I've gotten some go to pieces that I know look good on me, and that fits most occasions (the LBD/LBD is classic for a reason). With-without a necklace, different shoes, bla bla bla. Classically boring, safe and bland, maybe, but at least I won't stand out  

Now I've gotten older, and do not care (as much). I wear what I want to, that looks nice and I deem to be fitting to the occasion.

[SorenaJ]

Wear whatever you want, it's not your job to look pretty.

[nausicaa]

1 hour ago, snickers34 said:

Really? I'd much rather be comfortable and therefore able to focus on enjoying the moment with family & friends.

Why are people conflating being dressed up with being uncomfortable? She isn't being criticized for not wearing four inch stilletos; she is underdressed. There are plenty of comfortable maternity dresses that would have been event appropriate.

And are you really unable to even function in anything more structured than pajamas? 

I'm guessing most of the posters expressing derision at the thought of being expected to wear appropriate clothing for appropriate occasions are really young (i.e., still in college) where living in yoga pants is still acceptable? Having a real job and an adult life will quickly correct you of this notion. And if it doesn't, I can promise you, you will face some issues because of it. 

[TheMustardCardigan]

Agreed! Totally a creation of a false dichotomy here. Put on a black sweater instead of the stripes or throw on a nice cotton maxidress and you're just as comfy as what she was wearing, but sufficiently formal for the occasion.

 

 

[jacduggar]

Woah. 

 

First off, why is makeup a requirement for an event? I never wear makeup. I have facial eczema that makeup turns from slightly red bumps to inflamed, scabby yuck spots and I’d just rather not. Pregnancy is brutal to the skin and perhaps Joy is experiencing something similar.

 

Also since when is a black skirt and shirt not dressed up enough? Unless it specifies black tie, that’s an acceptable outfit. That flowy shirt style is in fashion right now. Also mega family weddings have never been a “classy” (to use their word) event. I mean, the venue looks like a high school gym to me. It’s not happening at the 4 seasons. 

 

I think Joy looks fine and true to her personal style. Extra ew on the comments who think she should have worn makeup, that’s not a “womanly” requirement. 

 

[nokidsmom]

2 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

With all the emphasis on marriage for life in their culture, and the dearth of other events worthy of dressing up, you might think that the super specialness of the occasion would warrant wearing other than everyday casual clothes. 

This is what I think.    It seems that one would not pass up an opportunity to get gussied up, since there's not that many of them.  

[SapphireSlytherin]

18 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

Why are people conflating being dressed up with being uncomfortable? She isn't being criticized for not wearing four inch stilletos; she is underdressed.

From this statement from @SilverBeach:  Even with that, I would hope my guests would not put their comfort before dressing appropriately for my wedding.

[Carm_88]

If I turned up to an event and was under dressed, I would be embarrassed. Joy doesn't have to be uncomfortable but what she is wearing is what she wears most days. So for most of us that would mean wearing jeans or yoga pants to a wedding. I wouldn't do that. As @nausicaa stated "No one said that Joy needed to wear 4 inch heels." No she could wear flats and a comfy maternity dress. Dresses don't have to be spanx and discomfort. They very much can be loose and flowy. 

This all hinges on if she did wear that and I think that she did, so um yeah! 

[LittleOwl]

I barely wear makeup to work because I like a little extra snooze time. When I do, I get told "oh you do look pale"... Then when I don't wear it they tell me I need to make more effort. 

Unfortunately, I have the skin complection of a jellyfish and I can't find anything that matches my face that is not white emulsion paint. . . so i don't bother knowing the only person I have to impress is myself and I love extra sleep. 

[LovelyLuna]

3 minutes ago, LittleOwl said:

Unfortunately, I have the skin complection of a jellyfish and I can't find anything that matches my face that is not white emulsion paint. . . so i don't bother knowing the only person I have to impress is myself and I love extra sleep. 

Jellyfish! What a great way to describe it, I say glow in the dark.  I only wear eye makeup because of this matching issue. I also have allergies so it cuts down on expensive makeup.

 

[LittleOwl]

3 minutes ago, LovelyLuna said:

Jellyfish! What a great way to describe it, I say glow in the dark.  I only wear eye makeup because of this matching issue. I also have allergies so it cuts down on expensive makeup.

 

I love that... Glow in the Dark! 

I'm rolling that out next time I get told to make more effort at work. 

Sorry.. But I only glow in the dark 

[MargaretElliott]

We always say this about very fundie wedding- I think it's just a fundie thing. Someone correct me if I'm wrong about this particular wedding, but most fundie weddings (at least those I've been exposed to through the Duggars) are during the day, right? And they usually have tons of kids, and no one dresses super formally unless they're in the wedding party? And they're in more casual venues suited to holding hundreds of people, like church halls? Those are all factors that would bring down the formality of the event, for me. If Joy received an invitation for an evening, no kids allowed, black tie wedding in a hotel ballroom and showed up in that outfit, I'd raise my eyebrows. Not to mention the fact that unlike her sisters, she's not really into fashion or shopping, and at this point is just trying to find something that's comfy and fits. From what I've seen from TLC and other fundie wedding photos, she probably didn't look out of place at all. Sure, she'd look out of place at any of the weddings I've been to, but I live in the northeast of America, near a major city, and weddings generally take place in the evening. So maybe we should consider what Joy was wearing in relation to her own experience and culture, instead of what we've experienced in our lives.

We beat this horse every time we see a fundie wedding. In my opinion, the horse is dead. I think of all the things we could criticize Joy for, this is the least important.

[snickers34]

6 hours ago, nausicaa said:

And are you really unable to even function in anything more structured than pajamas? 

I'm guessing most of the posters expressing derision at the thought of being expected to wear appropriate clothing for appropriate occasions are really young (i.e., still in college) where living in yoga pants is still acceptable? Having a real job and an adult life will quickly correct you of this notion. And if it doesn't, I can promise you, you will face some issues because of it. 

Oh relax. There's plenty of people at all different ages who really don't like dressing up and it doesn't mean they have issues - this is not what makes you a real adult. Plenty of jobs don't require you to dress up (I wear jeans every day, it's just part of the work culture). She looks fine, FFS.

[Georgiana]

There's showing up under-dressed, and then there is changing into something more comfortable.

My friend's SIL showed up to my friend's semi-formal evening wedding in cutoff jorts.  To this day and likely forever, she is known as "Jorts" or "jean-shorts lady".  THAT was inappropriate and I ABSOLUTELY would have thrown her out of my wedding.  

But changing clothes after the wedding is a WHOLE different ballgame, and really not uncommon in my circles.  In some cases it's a bit expected.  Being pregnant is a GREAT reason to change.  So too is the fact that you have a young child to chase, or 1 million other reasons.  I know guys that change just because they get sweaty in suits, women that change because they want to take their heels off without ruining their dress, or whatever. 

Wedding is one thing.  Reception is another.  And in these circles where the receptions are often low-key, I really don't see the need to stay in your wedding finery.  

[nastyhobbitses]

5 hours ago, MargaretElliott said:

We always say this about very fundie wedding- I think it's just a fundie thing. Someone correct me if I'm wrong about this particular wedding, but most fundie weddings (at least those I've been exposed to through the Duggars) are during the day, right? And they usually have tons of kids, and no one dresses super formally unless they're in the wedding party? And they're in more casual venues suited to holding hundreds of people, like church halls? Those are all factors that would bring down the formality of the event, for me. If Joy received an invitation for an evening, no kids allowed, black tie wedding in a hotel ballroom and showed up in that outfit, I'd raise my eyebrows. Not to mention the fact that unlike her sisters, she's not really into fashion or shopping, and at this point is just trying to find something that's comfy and fits. From what I've seen from TLC and other fundie wedding photos, she probably didn't look out of place at all. Sure, she'd look out of place at any of the weddings I've been to, but I live in the northeast of America, near a major city, and weddings generally take place in the evening. So maybe we should consider what Joy was wearing in relation to her own experience and culture, instead of what we've experienced in our lives.

We beat this horse every time we see a fundie wedding. In my opinion, the horse is dead. I think of all the things we could criticize Joy for, this is the least important.

I agree with you...now. In my earlier comment, I do realize now that I was looking through the lens of how I've experienced weddings: big formal affairs near New York or LA, where showing up dressed like you were just going shopping would be incredibly out of place and a bit insulting to your hosts unless you were a truly down-on-their-luck friend/relative and couldn't borrow something or dig something up at Goodwill, or some horrible wardrobe malfunction happened on the way to the venue. Hence why I'm just so weirded out by these weddings where it's perfectly OK to come dressed really casually if you're not in the wedding party. 

I still hope she turned the formality up just a notch for the wedding as a matter of respect, but yeah, I get that it's OK in fundieland to be more casual at weddings. 

[JesSky03]

Several of my uncles and cousins wore jeans to my wedding. I really didn't give a shit. I wasn't focused on what other people were wearing - that's not what the day was about. 

[nastyhobbitses]

18 minutes ago, JesSky03 said:

Several of my uncles and cousins wore jeans to my wedding. I really didn't give a shit. I wasn't focused on what other people were wearing - that's not what the day was about. 

Since my sad pathetic forever-alone fantasy wedding is semiformal, I think I would probably notice and try to force myself to not give a shit, but I would give more shits than necessary and think "I'm happy you're here, but for real I spent thousands of dollars to throw a nice party and the least you can do is look like you made a goddamn effort", but I'd hide all those shits being given behind a smile and hug because why cause drama over something so stupid, but then my mom and grandma would talk shit about them later at the post-wedding gathering where everyone gets completely wasted, and validate my shit-giving, but I'd feel bad about it, because I shouldn't give a shit. But also, seriously, it said semiformal on the invite. 

This, by the way, is how most formal family gatherings go for me. 

[Glasgowghirl]

If I ever get married and it is not eloping to Gretna Green, I wouldn't care what my friends and family wore, as long as they turned up. I do though think that if a dress code is requested then you should try to follow it as much as possible but different people have different opinions on what is formal and what isn't 

[SilverBeach]

Truth is these folks are just hicks. I don't wear a damn thing that isn't comfortable, I don't wear heels, yet I have no problem dressing up.

There's not going to be any agreement here. Things always get contentious in Duggar threads because the women aren't obviously hateful like Lori Anderson or JRod. There is also a cultural divide between the members here, we just can't relate on the subject of appropriate dress. It's okay, we won't be going to each others weddings! 

I wish I really cared about any of this. In a few months, Joy will produce another cult member, with Kendra following shortly thereafter. They may not be hateful, but their religious and political beliefs and practices are hateful and harmful. All the shiny fundy weddings are just putting lipstick on pigs anyway. 

[Tangy Bee]

Yep, I'm still awake. I think Joy might have changed before or after the wedding. Just saw a pic of her and Amy on instagram. Looks like Joy was wearing a lace, blush or pinkish dress. She is also wearing her glasses in that photo. So I guess she did dress up for the wedding.

[LawsonBatesEgo]

I'm half Colombian - and Colombians get dressed up to the nines to attend a wedding. So my "standards" are a bit higher than most people's and I'll admit that, but surely she could have found something a little nicer to wear. There is so much middle ground between 'the kind of clothes you run errands in' and 'floor length ball gown with 6 inch stilettos heels" she could have moved into. 

[Glasgowghirl]

23 minutes ago, Tangy Bee said:

Yep, I'm still awake. I think Joy might have changed before or after the wedding. Just saw a pic of her and Amy on instagram. Looks like Joy was wearing a lace, blush or pinkish dress. She is also wearing her glasses in that photo. So I guess she did dress up for the wedding.

I thought that would be the case.

[Tangy Bee]

Oops! Correction folks! I think the pic of Joy in the blush dress is from Kendra and Joe's wedding. Sorry about that. Guess that means I need to carry my ass to bed then. See u guys tomorrow.