Joy and Austin 17: Staying Off the Internet

[justoneoftwo]

1 minute ago, jacduggar said:

Fundie weddings aren’t very formal. Jessa had her reception in a parking lot FFS. 

Yep, you dress to respect the event, you host your guests to respect them.  No one is showing much respect here.

[ElToro]

Have to chip in here. My mother wore a white, lace dress to my wedding.... I don't even want to start unpicking what was going on in her mind..... 

[VelociRapture]

On 12/21/2017 at 8:28 PM, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

They were not subtle in that he wasn't the favorite child, he was born a little early like 34/35 weeks and got an infection at birth, and it caused him to be profoundly deaf so he was defective and there for not worthy of loving.  He wasn't given hearing aids or taught sing language he got by by learning to read lips. So all around asshole parents.  His mom did come around after they divorced and was very close with them until she died 2 years ago. He still has nothing to do with his father and neither do the grand kids. 

Not that I’m completely biased or anything, but 34 weekers are the sweetest little cuddle bugs. His father, at least, obviously has no heart - though I am glad his mother eventually came to her senses and realized what a wonderful person he is.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

13 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Not that I’m completely biased or anything, but 34 weekers are the sweetest little cuddle bugs. His father, at least, obviously has no heart - though I am glad his mother eventually came to her senses and realized what a wonderful person he is.

I'm actually amazed at the number (only 3 but 3 to many IMO) of people I know that do NOT love their disabled child as much as their "perfect" children. But on the other end I know more than I can count who love their differently abled children just as much as their "perfect" children.  I'm good friends with 2 women who had special needs kids, one had a profoundly disabled little girl with Downs Syndrome at 19, she's fundy and was married and her and her husband had 3 more kids before #1's care because so much that they just had to stop having kids to be fair to all of them as well.  She said she'd have had 10 kids had her oldest been easier but they realized that they had to stop because she wanted all her kids to have the same love and affection and not get lost in the shuffle while dealing with a deaf partially blind daughter She's an amazing women she's the type of fundy that sucks people into the fundy  life, non judgey and just all around nice.   The other had a healthy baby at 17 by dirtball baby daddy got pissed wen he was 3 months hold shook him causing severe brain damage, sadly the little guy died when he was 4 from complication and dirtball baby daddy was charged with murder and is in prison where he belongs.  Both said once they got past the initially shock of having a disabled child they were like well I still love this child and that is that. 

[melon]

My son's ex has a nephew with autism.He is non-verbal.He is 16.He lives with his grandmother,who is nearly 66.Both the ex and her sister ,this child's mother have never posted a picture of this child on their social media.Well,really not my business.This child's mother is divorced from his father.The father is an engineer,the child support she gets and her son's disability checks are spent mostly on her,not her son.Selfish.She lives with her boyfriend,had a baby last February and is expecting another in March,while her mother,takes care of her oldest son,which is hard on her mother.None of my business,again.But I think it's shameful.

 

[Jana814]

My friend has a disabled son. She posts pictures of him all the time. 

[sansan]

On 12/17/2017 at 8:01 PM, nastyhobbitses said:

It's more that I don't expect her to come to a wedding looking like Gigi Hadid, but this is a longtime family friend's semiformal evening wedding; wearing something a little more put-together is a way of saying "I respect the importance of this event and the effort you have put forth to make it a nice affair". 

This! First off pregnancy is a condition, not a disease. Yes, before you ask, I had two children and I worked up until 7 1/2 months when they made me take leave. I dressed every day in a semi professional way, with makeup and hair fixed. It is totally a sign of disrespect to not at least look put together instead of looking like you were running to the 7-11 for a carton of milk and decided to "drop in" at the wedding. So many people are saying that's what they all do, well really, that's not good enough. In so many of the pictures of background people most of them looked at least like maybe church clothes.

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I've never been pregnant, at least to the point of showing, so I can't weigh in on how massively uncomfortable one must feel 6  months in.  But I'll definitely support the idea that makeup is NOT required to dress up because the first time I ever wore makeup outside of stage productions in high school and middle school was to my own wedding.  I made a friend do it because I was afraid I'd look like a clown.  I will do makeup for the occasional semi-formal work function or for all of my husband's work parties because I want to present a nice picture for his bosses, but other than that... if my face is done you're very special to me indeed.  And no, I've never worn it to anyone else's wedding.   Part of that is because I haven't been to another wedding since we got married.

I dress up when I think it's appropriate, but since I'm overweight and none of the styles I like are flattering on me, I tend to avoid it whenever possible.

[LittleOwl]

My boyfriend has recently told me that he makes an effort for dates (i.e. hair and a check shirt) and he'd like me to make more of an effort... maybe put on a bit more make up. 

I told him that I'm comfortable with my appearance and I have never felt the need to wear it all the time because that's just who I am. He doesn't like that I put on make up to go to an office function or a friends wedding, but don't to go to the pub on a weds evening... 

[victoriasponge]

1 hour ago, LittleOwl said:

My boyfriend has recently told me that he makes an effort for dates (i.e. hair and a check shirt) and he'd like me to make more of an effort... maybe put on a bit more make up. 

I told him that I'm comfortable with my appearance and I have never felt the need to wear it all the time because that's just who I am. He doesn't like that I put on make up to go to an office function or a friends wedding, but don't to go to the pub on a weds evening... 

Ugh, surely the number one rule of people wearing makeup is that they're wearing it because they want to. We can swap boyfriends if you'd like, mine often complains I take too long putting it on when we go out. Maybe he'd learn his lesson when I purposefully take as long as possible and he doesn't get to the pub before last orders are called and be grateful you're a beautiful person agreeing to go out with him on a Wednesday evening at all. (Plus pubs... well, if I'm not going out for cocktails after why would I dress up?) ((Also also, hair and a check shirt on a guy doesn't take as long as a full face of makeup and nice hair for a lady.)

Edit: Me and my housemate are both really pale, she's literally ghostly and it is gorgeous, if you do want foundations that run pale try the Fenty (though it's lacking pink undertones), Nars, Urban Decay and Huda Beauty. All of them are really, really REALLY pricey though. My poor student wallet.

[LittleOwl]

I'm currently wearing Urban Decay

When we first started dating he knew I'm 50% high maintenance make up etc and 50% rolling around in mud. (I run a youth club and we go camping all the time). He knew this at the start so I don't feel he can whinge 

[just_ordinary]

I have a question about the makeup discussion. What kind of makeup are we talking about? Where I am from the phrase makeup is used in a wide spectrum- from just a bit of mascara and rouge or just concealer under the eye and lipstick to the full primer/concealer/foundation /eyeshadow/rouge/highlighter/bronzer/ lipstick/brows game ......

I think no one expects guests to go full out or use products they never use. If someone never wears makeup it would be silly to be angry if they continue to do just so.

Joy hasn’t been wearing a lot of products on her face since the wedding or before the courtship. Wether she doesn’t like it or maybe her skin is sensitive due to her pregnancy- I am not surprised or think it’s a problem. Same with her glasses. I know lots of women who said their contacts felt itchy while pregnant.

I am part of the „wrong outfit“ team though. I can’t wrap my head around the whole fundie dressed down culture for such occasions. With her upbringing a good looking maternity dresses could a good investment. 

Maybe because, in my country yoga pants are only suitable at home, the gym and only in very few creative start ups. Wearing them outside those places is frowned upon and you will be perceived as slacker.

[Lurker]

I dont care if other women wear makeup or not, nor do I believe that makeup is a prerequisite for being considered well dressed.   

I actually don't know that many people that do the whole foundation, bronzer, lip and eye liner, brows and lashes etc on a regular basis.   One  I know looks extremely overdone with a fake tan base under all the paint.   My party makeup is an light application of tinted moisturizer, a little eye pencil, mascara and tinted lip balm and everyday routine is half that.

I do think that Joy was underdressed for a wedding, and that a guest at any wedding should make a effort to respect the occasion.

Dressing for the occasion does not have to be expensive, a simple black top and sparkly necklace would have changed the look.  

One of the reasons that I feel that Joy  open to criticism  on the dress front that seemingly their social life  is going to each others weddings and her goal is to be pregnant often.  It would make sense to have one maternity dress to attend the eleventy weddings a year they go to as well as one nice pair of neutral shoes.  Borrow one from her sister, but don't dress like you are going to the mall.  My sister had to buy a formal maternity dress for a work function, and that dress really made the rounds through family and friends.

 

 

[728011]

On 12/17/2017 at 8:10 PM, AtlanticTug said:

She doesn't look that big in this photo, in terms of her belly.

The outfit is atrocious and totally unacceptable for a wedding. I'm sorry but I wouldn't have even worn that to work on casual Fridays. It looks like she's in a pajama top. There are LOTS of comfortable and cheap options for pregnant women - hell anything from Old Navy would have been 100x better.

Seriously, you wouldn't even wear that top for casual Fridays? there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's cute, just not really for a wedding.

[AtlanticTug]

41 minutes ago, 728011 said:

Seriously, you wouldn't even wear that top for casual Fridays? there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's cute, just not really for a wedding.

No, would not be appropriate for my workplace. It's business wear (full suits/ties for men). I was 9 months pregnant and still in nice dress shoes, pantyhose and maternity dresses every day with a black sweater or blazer on top in winter months.

[singsingsing]

30 minutes ago, AtlanticTug said:

No, would not be appropriate for my workplace. It's business wear (full suits/ties for men). I was 9 months pregnant and still in nice dress shoes, pantyhose and maternity dresses every day with a black sweater or blazer on top in winter months.

Well thankfully for the rest of humanity, most workplaces don't have such stringent dress codes. 

I thought Joy looked under dressed. But ho hum. This seems to be a common/acceptable thing with fundie weddings. If they don't care, why should we? I try to dress appropriately for whatever event I'm going to, but I also understand that some people just don't 'get' the nuances of appropriate dress, people have different opinions on what constitutes 'dressed up', and it's not my job or desire to police other people's wardrobes. If the host wants to get offended about something their guest wore, fine, but I'm not wasting my time or energy on it. I generally assume that in such cases there is no malicious intent involved, and even if there were - even if someone came under dressed to my wedding specifically to offend me - I wouldn't care. What's the point? Life is too short to be so damned hung up about such ultimately inconsequential things.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

39 minutes ago, AtlanticTug said:

No, would not be appropriate for my workplace. It's business wear (full suits/ties for men). I was 9 months pregnant and still in nice dress shoes, pantyhose and maternity dresses every day with a black sweater or blazer on top in winter months.

So because you  have to dress miserably everyone else should as well?  I would rather be strangled by pantyhose than wear them I LOATHE them and only wear them when required and then only for as short a time as possible. I have worn them exactly 3 times in the last 18 years and hated every second of those 3 times, they are hot and uncomfortable. There are very few companies that require such formal attire where I live, some law offices, executives in the bigger companies. Business casual rules here, people in suites and ties stick out more than the jeans and tops folks do. 

Now there is a difference between tights and pantyhose, I don't mind tights but those are much warmer and usually worn in the winter when its cold. 

[December]

25 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I would rather be strangled by pantyhose than wear them I LOATHE them and only wear them when required and then only for as short a time as possible.

Not going to lie, I think I'd turn down a job if I had to dress formally every day, since there's no reason for it in my field.  I have to get dressed up for an occasional event, and I like to wear makeup often just because I enjoy it. But if I couldn't wear jeans and a t-shirt for my average workday, I'd feel really out of place!

[lumpentheologie]

Ugh, pantyhose.  I can't imagine working at a place that required them.  I have never worn them as an adult -- I would wear heels on a regular basis but there is a line, and hose is on the other side of that line. What's wrong with bare legs as long as the skirt is a decent length? 

[freethemall]

I was pregnant last year, and can say there is so much great maternity clothes (I actually kind of miss it...) that you never have an excuse to look that shitty. 

But girl, at least brush your hair or put it in a cute bun!

[JesSky03]

I had my baby shower at 29 weeks. I had a cute maternity dress but it was 30 degrees out so I decided to wear panty hose so I would at least have something on my legs. I got them maybe to my knees before I had to yell for help from my husband (and be thankful we are having a boy because he had no clue how to help). So yeah, those will be staying in the drawer for the next two months. 

Oh and I also got all dolled up with foundation, blush, eyeshadow, liner, mascara....but when I saw the pictures of me I was shocked how tired I looked. Pregnancy is exhausting ya'll. 

[singsingsing]

There are always excuses to look 'shitty', many of which would be unknown to outside observers, and no woman is ever obligated to live up to other people's beauty standards.

[mstee]

I’m almost halfway through my pregnancy and no matter how much makeup I put on ( I don’t do a lot but I try to cover the dark circles under my eyes), I still look like a pale zombie. Waiting on that pregnancy glow but I don’t think that’s happening. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

10 hours ago, JesSky03 said:

I had my baby shower at 29 weeks. I had a cute maternity dress but it was 30 degrees out so I decided to wear panty hose so I would at least have something on my legs. I got them maybe to my knees before I had to yell for help from my husband (and be thankful we are having a boy because he had no clue how to help). So yeah, those will be staying in the drawer for the next two months. 

I went to the trouble to buy one pair of maternity pantyhose when I was pregnant with child #1 of 2. I was glad to have them the 3 or 4 times I wore them, but I probably could have done without them.

My hometown tends to be pretty casual. Yeah, when I've gone to the local symphony, I've seen some ladies really dressed up (furs and pearls), but I've also seen guys in their good cowboy boots with their Sunday best cowboy hat sitting politely on their blue jean wearing knee. It's all acceptable here.

[Karma]

DD and I were in New York for 2 days last week and had tickets to the New York ballet (the nutcracker, it was fabulous).  We were SEVERELY underdressed in jeans, walking shoes, polar fleece and down jacket.  Lots of people were in beautiful dresses.  But it was 35f, snow on the ground and we were walking 30 minutes each way from our hotel.  We had 3 weeks of warm weather and only 2 days of cold, and this was our only dressy occasion.  I certainly wasn’t about to allocate valuable suitcase space to fancy cold weather clothing.  I don’t know if we were judged, but I enjoyed the ballet nevertheless.