Joy and Austin 17: Staying Off the Internet

[Markie]

Joy's outfit could have been her travelling clothes and she might have slipped on another dress for the wedding. Not sure if the pic was taken before or after the wedding. 

As others have said, fundie wedding guests often wear super casual clothes and it isn't a big deal to get dressed up. I'm sure Joy's skirt and striped jumper weren't too out of place amongst the guests. She looks comfortable and happy to be at her friends' wedding. 

[SilverBeach]

I would hope any guest at my wedding would be happy to be there. There are plenty of comfortable dressier clothes. Even with that, I would hope my guests would not put their comfort before dressing appropriately for my wedding. I certainly wouldn't do that for any wedding I was invited to. But I'm not fundy, I'm about as far away from fundy as you can get. It's a whole different world.

[iheartjnames]

1 hour ago, SilverBeach said:

Inappropriatness of her outfit aside, why does Joy have to have her hand under her belly in every.damn.picture? I've got news for you Joy...the baby ain't going to fall out! BEC I know, but it strikes me as weird. To each her own I guess, just wasn't my thing to call extra attention to my belly this way when I was preggers.

it's not just Joy, just about every picture I see of pregnant women they have their hand under their belly, I think they don't want people thinking they are fat, they are saying there is a baby in there? That is the only explanation I can figure out. 

[Rachel333]

It really, really bothers me that makeup is something expected of women trying to look formal and/or professional. Men aren't told that their natural face is inappropriate for formal events. I don't care if men or women want to wear makeup, but I do very much have a problem with it being expected.

I do, however, think it's perfectly reasonable to expect people to wear formal clothes at a formal event.

[SportsgalAnnie]

I'm not going to snark on how someone dresses, I'm just happy if people show up to things.

Especially if it's something I put time and effort into planning. 

[Shadoewolf]

I'm hoping that outfit was not what she wore to the wedding. I was HUGELY pregnant with my son when I graduated my medical assisting program. I still wore an appropriate black cotten dress and it was comfy as all hell.  Comfortable doesn't have to equal looking like a bum. And I don't think anyone is saying makeup is mandatory to look nice, but in this case, paired with her outfit, Joy looks like she could care less if its a wedding or a root canal.

[SilverBeach]

If I put time and effort into planning something, especially a wedding that is not specifically designated as casual, I would be insulted if someone came looking any old kind of way. But that's just me. I guess I'm kind of old school, and proud of it. I also thought it was inappropriate when people wore cutoffs and flip-flops to DDs graduations. 

 

[artdecades]

All this talk reminds me of my coworker. Her son recently got married and when she was showing me the photos she made sure to point out several people who she thought were not dressed appropriately for the wedding. She would not approve of Joy's outfit.

[apandaaries]

Another one hoping that the pic was from before the wedding and not how she was dressed for the event...though she's standing beside someone very formally attired with flowers, so...going more with hope and less with the obvious interpretation.

IDK, I've been pregnant and gone to weddings.  Shoot, I was in a wedding while 7 months pregnant and matched the other bridesmaids!  I had a pair of lovely embroidered Asian slippers for the reception, so I didn't have to spend long in heels but still feel presentable during the reception. If the goal of a Duggar woman is to be pregnant more often than not, having a nice maternity dress is a wise investment for the future (not to mention the fact that resale shops usually have gorgeous clothes available for every size and variation). 

I'm not especially fussed about the makeup, and certainly don't care about the glasses.  But that's an outfit I would wear shopping, not to a major life event for a loved one/s. I should also add that when I was pregnant, I either had my somewhere around my belly or (if I was at home) had some weird shirt-wearing going on (like I was trying to air my belly out -- there are these pix of me washing dishes with my shirt pulled up and tucked under my boobs.  Another friend saw those and totally related -- she did the same thing during her pregnancy).  Comfort is #1 for pregnant woman, but showing respect for the event should also be high on the list.

And for those whose doctors questioned due dates/paternity -- solidarity.  I got pregnant in Korea with only one possible conception date AND I went to Korean doctors through my first trimester.  I brought all that info to my American doctors, only to be doubted and questioned at every turn.  In fact, the due date wound up bumped up a week based on an early American ultrasound.  According to my BFF doctor, American doctors just doubt everything, even other American doctors.  They want all their own tests.  Still shitty, but seems to be part of medical training.

[MoonFace]

2 hours ago, TheMustardCardigan said:

I just think the stripes are too casual for a wedding... But it is true that these fundie weddings tend to have a wide spectrum of outfits on the guests, from the just-rolled-out-of-bed look to fully dressed up. I feel Joy is in the middle of that spectrum here and not offending any fundie norms. I think her hair and makeup (or maybe lack of makeup, not sure) look perfectly acceptable for any wedding guest. But for a lot of non-fundie weddings I don't think the outfit is formal enough. I just don't understand why some of these people dress so casually for these weddings, in pictures next to the bride and groom or anyone in the wedding party they look weird and out of place. It looks like Joy is an older sister who just finished doing younger sister Carlin's hair and makeup and is ready to send her off to her senior prom while Joy has plans to hang at home or go to the movies.

 

If a man dressed in an equivalently casual outfit I'd criticize him too. And I'm sure I've read criticism of male fundie wedding attire on here before. I think it goes both ways.

At one of the  Duggar weddings I know I saw pictures  a family wearing jeans.   I made comment that they looked like they just came in from a barn.

imho I think it is tacky to go to a wedding where the wedding party is in gowns while wearing jeans and casual wear.   But then that does seem to be a trend.  

Ive also seen people wearing casual clothes to funerals.

 

 

guess im showing my age when i say that we would consider weddings, funerals and church services ocassaions to wear our dressier clothes

[Sky with diamonds]

13 hours ago, potato said:

My mom used to tell me that brown M&Ms were coffee flavored

My grandfather told me that too! As well as smartie candy. 

[Thorns]

In all the weddings I've been to the invitation states a dress code. Doesn't fundies do that....? If the dresscode said casual, no problem. If the dresscode was listed as formal I would find it somewhat disrespectful - but, obviously being pregnant would lead to a certain amount of slack.

[SorenaJ]

I don't really mind Joy looking like that to the wedding. She might be miserable because of her pregnancy. And she is not in the wedding party, so there won't be loads of pictures.  

[Eternalbluepearl]

I couldn't care less how Joy is dressed. The sad part here is all these young fundies getting married and starting fundie families of their own with terrible beliefs and supporting terrible politicians. *barf*

[AprilQuilt]

I think Joy feels quiet helpless when it comes to clothes and dressing up for stuff. She doesn't 'get' it or enjoy it and it makes her panicked - we've seen it when she was shopping for date clothes, even before the whole wedding dress drama. Now her body's changing so much it must be even more bewildering, and living with just Austin she doesn't have her sisters as a sounding-board any more. Maybe she didn't think about this outfit at all, or maybe she tied herself up in knots trying on loads of stuff and then just gave up and went for this.

Speculation, I know. I'm just basing it on what I've seen on her attitude to clothes up til now. It might be that she was dressed entirely appropriately for the sort of wedding it was and her role in it. I've never been to a wedding where that would be OK, and I think she looks crazy under-dressed, but my life's nothing like hers.

I will say that, clothes aside, she looks absolutely lovely. Her skin is great, she has a genuine smile, and she looks really natural and confident and 'herself'. Her bump doesn't look that huge either.

[Illmarryyoujana]

I wasn't ever fundie, but I did grow up conservative baptist in the south. In my experience, what Joy is wearing was just fine. If she wasn't in the party she's not expected to dress formal. She looks pretty and cute. I was expecting something completely slobbish from these comments. 

[mstee]

I got married over the summer and a few people showed up casually dressed. I didn’t care- but I guess my mom and her friends did- because she wouldn’t shut up about it for weeks/months after.  I had a great time at my wedding and I was just happy that the people showed up. I, personally, wouldn’t show up to a wedding like that, but that’s just because I enjoy dressing up. 

As far as maternity clothes go, I found a really nice velvet dress at Kohl’s and got it for around $20. I really thought I would be showing more by Christmas, but I don’t have that distinct baby bump yet. I just look....chubbier? But I’m wearing the dress for Christmas anyways cause I bought the darn thing. But there definitely are cute maternity clothes out there that don’t cost a ton and there are so many flowy dresses and sweaters for winter that aren’t maternity but do fit the belly well that the Duggar girls could wear. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

Personally, a wedding (MY wedding) was more about celebrating with friends - even though both of my weddings were formal, people showed up however they were most comfortable and I was 100% fine with that. Why wouldn't I be? Expecting them to be "uncomfortable" to meet some random "standard" is ridiculous.

[Fascinated]

Eh, I have been uncomfortable at weddings, mostly due to the shoes, of course.  However, I would much rather be uncomfortable for a few hours than look out of place in inappropriately casual day-wear.  

[Jana814]

My sister went to a wedding a few years back and some of the men were wearing jeans. She was in shock. 

[Glasgowghirl]

Joy's outfit is not that bad, she is not someone who is in to fashion and she probably thinks it's fine, as long as she is happy in it and Tori isn't offended by it then who cares. I don't think she was dressing this way to be disrespectful, I have depression and going to parties and events causes me anxiety about what to wear and if it will look good. Looking back at pictures some outfits I've picked probably look the way Joy's did. If she had shown up in gym wear or dirty clothes then I'd say she was being disrespectful. Joy can't seem to win if she is dressed up people say she is being influenced by Austin, if she chooses her own outfit she is not appropriately dressed and is being disrespectful.

[SorenaJ]

I was at a wedding wearing black jeans and a shirt. I was not out of place at all. 

[Alisamer]

My family were the only ones invited to our friend's wedding - and we weren't guests. I took the photos, my mom ran the video camera, my sister was in charge of music, my brother-in-law and dad were assigned to help out the groom and keep him calm, while the rest of us helped the bride and her daughter with dresses, hair and makeup, and we all did the cleanup after.

We all dressed up. I wore nice slacks and a dressy shirt I'd wear to church, my dad wore a suit, etc. 

I wouldn't expect full-on formal wear to a wedding here unless it was an evening wedding and it was specified as formal on the invite. But "Sunday Best" clothes are expected at most weddings I've been to.

[SilverBeach]

Joy will never know if the bride was offended by her outfit. Most event holders are polite  in situations like this and do not tell the guest what they really think, they just cringe inside. 

2 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

I was at a wedding wearing black jeans and a shirt. I was not out of place at all. 

It depends on the type of wedding! It's not a one size fits all level of formality. 

[snickers34]

2 hours ago, Fascinated said:

However, I would much rather be uncomfortable for a few hours than look out of place in inappropriately casual day-wear.

Really? I'd much rather be comfortable and therefore able to focus on enjoying the moment with family & friends.