Weenese 3: Brother Gary Hawkins Wanting God All Over Him

[Texas Heifer]

I sort of hope he doesn't, after giving it some thought. It would make me sad if he stopped posting. Though I think you may be right; say what you will about Bro Gary, he seems strong in his convictions (however misguided). Some godless heathen strangers on a snark site probably wouldn't faze him for a moment.

[MarblesMom]

I am sure he would pray for our wicked, wicked souls, though....

 

[General Jinjur]

20 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Okay, folks,

I just wanted to say how much I envy those of you who are blessed with headships who will share your love of all things Bro. Hawkins (and the Rodriguiae and the Maxhells and all the rest, although I don't give two effs about the Duggars and Bateseseses, and the Nauglers make my stomach turn). Brother Black  has zero appreciation for pink weens or Scary Clowns or Pink Drinks and he doesn't understand why I would let these people live inside my head. Pray for me.

My headship thinks I'm nuts for following these weens. I tried to explain the Rods to him once, and he was horrified.

I just checked out the undated website, and Bro Ween is going to be preaching near me! I think I almost have to go see him.

[Texas Heifer]

3 hours ago, General Jinjur said:

My headship thinks I'm nuts for following these weens.

I've been lurking since what appears to be not long after Yuku, when an atheist friend of mine in Arkansas (not far from Duggarville, poor lamb) told me about this site and Zsu. It was around the time I became atheist myself; I was unsaved on July 31, 2010 (praise Thor and his Mighty Hammer!). Bro Heifer was raised Mormon, but has a bit of Sheldon Cooper about him and has never believed.

Anyway! I have been regaling (truly, this is the wrong word, because he's never been amused or delighted) him with the exploits of Zsu, JRod and the Duggars for years. When I dipped my babiest toe into the revolting, disturbing Naugler cesspool a few months ago, I didn't even tell him, because gross. It wasn't until dear G-Haw that he wanted to hear about any of these people. Before, it was like when he wanted to talk to me about The Walking Dead or Doctor Who. I don't caaaare. Now? He asks if there are new weens/any more good weens almost daily! Yesterday, he made several ween jokes. I'm telling y'all, it's a miracle so huge, he may actually sigh up just to get a robto username.

Rufus bless all y'all!

[MsSaylor]

@Texas Heifer I wish I could find a common fundie interest with Bro Saylor!! He does have a certain fondness for the Bates girls but that’s not enough to sustain conversation. I dont know where I would start with explaining this Ween. How did you do it?

[Texas Heifer]

14 minutes ago, MsSaylor said:

How did you do it?

I...I don't know! He surprised me! I think he just finds it amusing. He loves Idiocracy, and he's an atheist, so a profoundly Idiocracy-ish fundie tickles him.

Also, he's 12 at heart, so "weens" is hilarious. 

[keepercjr]

Here ha is Gary ha street preaching ha

And here is Gary ha with a whole lot more energy ha

 

[Texas Heifer]

28 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

Here ha is Gary ha street preaching ha

And here is Gary ha with a whole lot more energy ha

 

Oh Sweet Jebus-ha, save-ha me-ha from your followers-ha!

That was fucking unbearable. 

[Texas Heifer]

Those videos of Bro Gary reminded me so irresistibly of this scene, I had to go search it out.

 "Only GAWD above-ha, the Hugh Hefner on High-ha, can make it..."

Spoiler

 

 

[FundieFarmer]

I...I don't know! He surprised me! I think he just finds it amusing. He loves Idiocracy, and he's an atheist, so a profoundly Idiocracy-ish fundie tickles him.
Also, he's 12 at heart, so "weens" is hilarious. 

You know, Mr. FF finds GHaw somewhat intriguing too. Possibly because he’s a foodie and the weens are disgusting, possibly because the HAY-MAYUNing is just too too, possibly because weens is something else on its own...I don’t know but when I mention “the weens guy” he tunes in.

Maybe Bro Gary is the Husband Entry Fundie??

ETA: Shit. That doesn’t sound how I wanted it to and definitely not how Bro Gary would want. Husband Gateway Fundie??

[Texas Heifer]

2 minutes ago, FundieFarmer said:

Husband Gateway Fundie??

YISSSSS.

Bro Gary is SO terribly too too.

(Are you a LIW fan? I have never heard/seen anyone else use 'too too'!)

[Texas Heifer]

Ok Folks, Bro and Sis are competing now to see who can make the most money with the least physical movement.

[keepercjr]

Those videos were from 2013 and there were no HAYMANs in there so that must have come later.  I also ff through some other ones as well as recordings (all from 2013) and again, no HAYMANs.

[FundieFarmer]

YISSSSS. Bro Gary is SO terribly too too.

(Are you a LIW fan? I have never heard/seen anyone else use 'too too'!)

 

I don’t know what that is!! My mother said it all the time and I picked it up. Eep! I AM BECOMING MY MOTHER

 

Also.

I am not linking my paplal to any dosh Bro Gary has access to. I fear he would drain me of my coinage posthaste to feed his ween lifestyle.

 

[Texas Heifer]

1 minute ago, FundieFarmer said:

I don’t know what that is!

Laura Ingalls Wilder, in a chapter about Nellie Olsen, quoted her as saying things/people were "too too"/"utterly too too." Nellie was a turdwaffle and I despised her, but I thought the "too too" stuff was pretty funny!

And I turn into my mother more and more every day. It may be inevitable. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

15 minutes ago, Texas Heifer said:

Laura Ingalls Wilder, in a chapter about Nellie Olsen, quoted her as saying things/people were "too too"/"utterly too too." Nellie was a turdwaffle and I despised her, but I thought the "too too" stuff was pretty funny!

And I turn into my mother more and more every day. It may be inevitable. 

Characters in Agatha Christie novels from the 1920s used the phrase "too too" as well. Usually flighty, young characters that the author didn't really seem to like. 

I turned into my mother in my 20s. What really shocked me was when I turned into my father in my 30s. 

[Texas Heifer]

5 minutes ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

I turned into my mother in my 20s. What really shocked me was when I turned into my father in my 30s. 

If I ever turn into my father, there are no weens good enough to save me.

I love him! But he's intolerant, pig-headed, and an unrepentant Trump supporter. I'd rather drown in pink gravy.

[FundieFarmer]

I’ve always been more my father than my mother and I most likely always will be, and I am just fine with that please and thank you there but for the grace of God go I. My mother is a sweet seeming woman but she can be something. You just don’t know what you’ll get. With my father it’s straightforward and I value that about a person, and that’s what you’ll get with FF, you will *nods head vigorously like she’s going nuts and reassuring you AND herself*

 

Ohhhhh yes THAT LIW. I read the books but that was it. “Too too” to me is basically tacky, too much, déclassé, hot mess, etc. It’s my go-to when I’m out of words.

 

Jill R, for example. That one is too too. There but for the grace of God.

 

[Texas Heifer]

16 minutes ago, FundieFarmer said:

“Too too” to me is basically tacky, too much, déclassé, hot mess, etc. It’s my go-to when I’m out of words.

Yes, that's always what I've taken it to mean, as well! 

Totally going to start using it more.

[mango_fandango]

I feel a little uneducated not having really read Laura Ingalls Wilder stuff  I’ve got a copy of Little House on the Prairie, but I forget if I’ve read it or not . I do have a shortish biography and know the story though. 

[Texas Heifer]

I was obsessed with Laura during my childhood. Our first names are variations of each other, and we have the same middle name. So obviously, I was like the Second Coming of Laura, if only in my mind, lol.

I know more about her than most people do, though I am not an expert or anything, and haven't visited anywhere she lived. The little girl in me will always love her, though.

[Jellybean]

2 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

(snip)

Also.

I am not linking my paplal to any dosh Bro Gary has access to. I fear he would drain me of my coinage posthaste to feed his ween lifestyle.

 

Leaving nothing for your children's inheritage.

Also:

The video posted above is the one I meant when I said that my headship pointed out the similarity between the noise Bro. G-Haw was making ('ha') and the gagging noise we made in response to the weenie gravy.

Also (I promise this is the last one):

I'd like to share a testimony with you, fellow sisters in gravy. I had an appointment last week at Guy's Hospital in London. I look forward to appointments there for one reason, and one reason only. That reason is the most randomly-stocked gift shop I've ever encountered. Whole frozen fish in the ice cream freezer made me laugh for days afterwards. The ice cream freezer held more blessings for me this week; not fish this time, but weens! I was in hog heaven for the rest of the day.

Spoiler

 

[Carol]

From Gary's ministry.  

A WARNING FROM YOUR SURGEON GENERAL.  Do not play if you suffer from vertigo, nausea, sensitive ears or tinnitus.

 

 

[Texas Heifer]

31 minutes ago, Carol said:

From Gary's ministry.  

A WARNING FROM YOUR SURGEON GENERAL.  Do not play if you suffer from vertigo, nausea, sensitive ears or tinnitus.

 

 

MY EEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSS

Do churches ACTUALLY PAY to hear that? 

Worst Investment Ever. In the whole world and through all of eternity.

[grandmadugger]

What is up with the ha? I really thought he was say uh? Like he was questioning or didn’t know if it was true.