Weenese 3: Brother Gary Hawkins Wanting God All Over Him

[EmiGirl]

3 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Who takes a notepad to church?! (Well OK, those of us who were bored and doodling might have...)

My husband does. And some people write in their bible. Some bibles even have room for notes. And I meant write. I do know how to type, but my phone keyboard isn't always cooperative. 

[Ozlsn]

13 minutes ago, EmiGirl said:

My husband does. And some people write in their bible. Some bibles even have room for notes. And I meant write. I do know how to type, but my phone keyboard isn't always cooperative. 

Really? Wow, where I went I swear the minister was lucky if half the congregation made it through the sermon without falling asleep! (Joke... although the congregation did skew towards retired.) We listened, and there was quite often post-church discussion at the tea/coffee and biscuits... but I can't remember anyone taking notes. Bible study, yes, actual church no.

[FundieFarmer]

Really? Wow, where I went I swear the minister was lucky if half the congregation made it through the sermon without falling asleep! (Joke... although the congregation did skew towards retired.) We listened, and there was quite often post-church discussion at the tea/coffee and biscuits... but I can't remember anyone taking notes. Bible study, yes, actual church no. [emoji4]

I do! It actually keeps me from falling asleep. I can’t help it, I’m so relaxed in church that as soon as I step in there it’s like “3...2...1...FF is out” if I don’t give myself something to do.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

I've grew up attending a church with Bibles in the pews that few folks ever opened. No one took notes, but no one minded when I sat and drew pictures in my bulletin.

Later, I attended a small church that didn't have Bibles in the pews, so everyone brought their own Bible. Most folks took notes during the sermon and/or highlighted the relevant verses in their Bibles.

Our current church is somewhere in the middle. Some folks bring a Bible, some use the pew Bible, and some folks just listen. The bulletin usually has an outline of the sermon, often with blanks to fill in. So, most folks make any notes there. (I'm usually at home, err, sleeping.  But my husband usually brings home a bulletin.) And when I am in church, I tend to take some notes. As @FundieFarmer says, it prevents accidental naps. 

[MarblesMom]

I create the Order of Worship and the bulletin for my church.... the back page of the OOW is always left blank for note-takers and/or doodlers!

Please take your paperwork with you, for I am the one climbing around pews to find where you dumped it. 

 

[nelliebelle1197]

On 1/11/2018 at 9:36 AM, MayMay1123 said:

oh yessss! you must! its the funniest postings on FJ!

Nope. Not even close.

No one will ever beat Ermagherd and the Xgays for that. Sorry kids.

[Texas Heifer]

It looks like dear Bro Gary has gone private, y'all.

This is all I can see. Anyone else?

*sad trombone*

 

[Kailash]

Note to self: page 12

I’m getting caught up on this thread and I’m laughing so hard my husband came to check on me. He also said I’m a terrible person when I tried to explain Bro Gary.  He just needs some good weens, clearly.

Sis Kailash

[Coy Koi]

1 hour ago, Texas Heifer said:

It looks like dear Bro Gary has gone private, y'all.

This is all I can see. Anyone else?

*sad trombone*

I see the same. I'm sad but also almost pleasantly surprised because this appears to demonstrate a level of self-awareness that I would have assumed Bro Gary incapable of. That's fine, go private all you want, Bro Gary. That is your right. I just cordially request that next time, you don't do it at the same time as Jill.

At least Sis Becky is still publicly insisting that we all spend several hundred dollars each month on coffee, and that we will save a ton of cash by switching to Plexus instead.

[Texas Heifer]

11 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

I see the same. I'm sad but also almost pleasantly surprised because this appears to demonstrate a level of self-awareness that I would have assumed Bro Gary incapable of. That's fine, go private all you want, Bro Gary. That is your right. I just cordially request that next time, you don't do it at the same time as Jill.

At least Sis Becky is still publicly insisting that we all spend several hundred dollars each month on coffee, and that we will save a ton of cash by switching to Plexus instead.

Oh yes, Sis Becky has been very busy. I suppose one cannot rest if there is Plexus to sell and guts to be healed.

My ex-fiancé 's wife sells Plexus. I creep on her page when I need to feel superior. It's so ridiculous, I can't help it.

She's doing it for legitimate reasons, and she is by all accounts a lovely person. I'm a little bitter, though, and the cold, hard, flinty part of my heart likes to prove to myself that I got the better deal. Spoiler: I really did. This ex is not a bad dude, but he wasn't good for me, either, and fooled around with her even though he and I had an understanding. To this day, I doubt she knows he was cheating on her with me in various ways until after I was married. For example, he told me he loved me in our last phone conversation, two months after my wedding. Eeek

She's got him Plexusing, too, though...I gotta snark on that.

Hello, FJ Therapists! I have no money, but thanks for listening.

[Coy Koi]

4 minutes ago, Texas Heifer said:

Hello, FJ Therapists! I have no money, but thanks for listening.

Well of course you have no money: you spend it all on coffee. Like every single other person in the world with the exception of Plexus customers.

[DancingPhalanges]

Just now, Coy Koi said:

Well of course you have no money: you spend it all on coffee. Like every single other person in the world with the exception of Plexus customers.

I spend mine on coffee and wine. I need both.

Sis Dancing

[Coy Koi]

1 minute ago, DancingPhalanges said:

I spend mine on coffee and wine. I need both.

I don't like coffee at all and I don't like wine very much, except weird wine like this one huckleberry one I had once. But man, I can't wait to see how much my financial outlook is going to improve once I start buying Plexus instead of nonexistent coffee! One day I hope to be so well off that I can live in a broken converted bus filled with plywood. Together, we can make that happen if you all will just support my small business. I mean, unless you all actively want me to starve to death or whatever. #bossbabe #guilttrip #passiveaggression

[DancingPhalanges]

3 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

I don't like coffee at all and I don't like wine very much, except weird wine like this one huckleberry one I had once. But man, I can't wait to see how much my financial outlook is going to improve once I start buying Plexus instead of nonexistent coffee! One day I hope to be so well off that I can live in a broken converted bus filled with plywood. Together, we can make that happen if you all will just support my small business. I mean, unless you all actively want me to starve to death or whatever. #bossbabe #guilttrip #passiveaggression

Sis Coy Koi-I will imbibe any drink of your choice. Just NOT Plexus pink drink. Sis' have to look out for each other 'Kay? That means no converted busses, don't cry in your non-existent wine. You will need to stick to your job and tea or however you manage your day. 

Trump is president---I NEED wine.

Sis Dancing---having wine cuz TRUMP

[Coy Koi]

3 minutes ago, DancingPhalanges said:

Sis Coy Koi-I will imbibe any drink of your choice. Just NOT Plexus pink drink. Sis' have to look out for each other 'Kay? That means no converted busses, don't cry in your non-existent wine. You will need to stick to your job and tea or however you manage your day. 

Trump is president---I NEED wine.

Sis Dancing---having wine cuz TRUMP

First of all, I don't like tea either. I don't like any hot drinks. There is like 4 seconds from the time after they're hot enough to burn your mouth, but before they become lukewarm and gross. I can't handle that kind of pressure.

Second, the new Pink Drink tastes like a WATERMELON JOLLY RANCHER so how on earth could you not want that??? (I'm sure no one else even remembers this but Jill and I think Becky and lots of others enthused over it when the new Plexus Slim first came out and it cracked me up because even if that's true...that seems really underwhelming to me. Watermelon Jolly Ranchers are okay but hardly something to get that excited about.)

Maybe we could spike the Pink Drink with some huckleberry wine and that could be something to get excited about...

[Texas Heifer]

40 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

Well of course you have no money: you spend it all on coffee. Like every single other person in the world with the exception of Plexus customers.

I do not exaggerate when I say I cannot be arsed to make coffee, but I am Poor, so I get the P$$T (read: cheapy cheap cheap) brand instant coffee from Fred Meyer. Add heavy cream (keto, yo) and concentrated liquid sucralose, and it is legit better than anything I ever bought from Starbucks or any other coffee joint, for that matter.

I know you're in the PNW, so you. Are. Welcome. An entire jar of the coffee is three dollars. I'm totally serious.

 

Edit! I just read you don't like coffee, so really, I no longer know how to help you, Sis. 

[DancingPhalanges]

2 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

First of all, I don't like tea either. I don't like any hot drinks. There is like 4 seconds from the time after they're hot enough to burn your mouth, but before they become lukewarm and gross. I can't handle that kind of pressure.

Second, the new Pink Drink tastes like a WATERMELON JOLLY RANCHER so how on earth could you not want that??? (I'm sure no one else even remembers this but Jill and I think Becky and lots of others enthused over it when the new Plexus Slim first came out and it cracked me up because even if that's true...that seems really underwhelming to me. Watermelon Jolly Ranchers are okay but hardly something to get that excited about.)

Maybe we could spike the Pink Drink with some huckleberry wine and that could be something to get excited about...

Okay Sis. I have a friend just like you, pass the coffee to me. We can still be friends. Sis we will not ruin Huckleberry wine with jolly rancher Plexus okay? Sis I'm worrying about you. We shall drink the wine minus Plexus. I will not succumb!!!!

Sis Dancing

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

Hey folks. Yall can have all the coffee, the wine, and all the pink dranks, as long as I get all the chocolate and all the tea. Oh wait. I already have all the tea.  (Close enough anyways.) And even if I get all the chocolate, it all disappears way too fast.  

Until later, Bro. Gary. We'll miss you!

Sis WWJCD who is over-fond of variety in her tea collection

[Dandruff]

4 hours ago, Coy Koi said:

That's fine, go private all you want, Bro Gary. That is your right. I just cordially request that next time, you don't do it at the same time as Jill.

I wonder if Mrs. Ween knows Mrs. Green Bean.  Could this be a coordinated rebellion?*

*How many Plexus ambassadors does it take to come up with one semi-bright idea?

[Granwych]

On ‎11‎/‎6‎/‎2017 at 2:24 PM, PumaLover said:

Also thank you sis Coy Koi for your brilliant translation. I didn't know what the hell he was talking about!

I doubt that Brother Weenie knows of which he garbles.  Yet another rabbit hole...sigh.  Oh well, that's what computers are for when I can't sleep, huh?

3 hours ago, Dandruff said:

*How many Plexus ambassadors does it take to come up with one semi-bright idea?

Nobody knows 'cause it hasn't been done yet---

On ‎1‎/‎25‎/‎2018 at 1:46 AM, Ozlsn said:

I think Bro Gary's starting a new year's diet... do they have diet weens?

Yup, snouts and udders.  Oh wait, that's what they already are.

[Coy Koi]

9 hours ago, Texas Heifer said:

Edit! I just read you don't like coffee, so really, I no longer know how to help you, Sis. 

No one does, Sis...no one does. Still happy for the reminder that Fred Meyer exists though because I always forget about it! I should go there again. (For you guys who don't know, it's like Target except slightly better in some ways and slightly worse in others.)

9 hours ago, DancingPhalanges said:

Okay Sis. I have a friend just like you, pass the coffee to me. We can still be friends. Sis we will not ruin Huckleberry wine with jolly rancher Plexus okay? Sis I'm worrying about you. We shall drink the wine minus Plexus. I will not succumb!!!!

You know what? You talked me into it. We will drink huckleberry wine without any Plexus in it. Our gut health is going to take a real hit though.

That reminds me of when (totally random story; sharing it anyway) I had a package delivered to my door that seemed to be camel milk. It wasn't for me, it was for my neighbor but FedEx people are apparently incapable of doing their jobs AT ALL (neither my neighbor's apartment number nor location was remotely near mine, and I've had similar problems with FedEx other times). Obviously, I brought it to my neighbor, but I also googled the company to see if it was true that it was camel milk because, I don't know, I get bored sometimes. It was. Then, for whatever ridiculous reason, I got to reading the FAQs on the website, and one of them was about whether or not it was okay to mix camel milk with alcohol. Like...they frequently get asked that? By whom? (The answer was really ambiguous. Like go ahead and mix it with alcohol if you want, you weirdos, but don't blame us if things go wrong.)

Anyway, long pointless story short, my neighbor was appreciative of me bringing his package to him. However, he did not express his gratitude by inviting me over for a camel milk cocktail. Kind of rude.

[Jellybean]

Friends of mine went through a brief phase of drinking vodka mixed with yogurt drink. I can’t remember the backstory but I hope it involved running out of all other possible mixers at a time when all the shops were closed (improbable in central London), but I have vague memories of people being sent out to buy (more?) drinkable yogurt at a party. Ugh.

[Coy Koi]

5 minutes ago, Jellybean said:

Friends of mine went through a brief phase of drinking vodka mixed with yogurt drink. I can’t remember the backstory but I hope it involved running out of all other possible mixers at a time when all the shops were closed (improbable in central London), but I have vague memories of people being sent out to buy (more?) drinkable yogurt at a party. Ugh.

Okay, these ones are going to remain just your friends for sure. Not our mutual friends.

[Jellybean]

That reaction is totally fair @Coy Koi and somewhat more proportionate than setting fire to houses.

You’ve changed.

I don’t know whether to feel proud or betrayed.

[Coy Koi]

Just now, Jellybean said:

That reaction is totally fair @Coy Koi and somewhat more proportionate than setting fire to houses.

You’ve changed.

I don’t know whether to feel proud or betrayed.

The two reactions are not mutually exclusive. I'm going to be supportive of your friendship with these lunatics, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm not going to burn down their houses too. The world is a complicated place.