Weenese 3: Brother Gary Hawkins Wanting God All Over Him

[Texas Heifer]

Ok Folks, I was hopping to find new weens on Bro G's FB because I am bored. Alas, it was not to be. However! I did notice, on the still for his last video, his shirt appears to have...

a pull cord?

...Could Bro Gary be a robto?

Yours In Rampant Speculation, 

Sis H

[Texas Heifer]

I can't figure out how to put it under a spoiler, but Bro H couldn't see the pull cord, so here:

[Coy Koi]

17 minutes ago, Texas Heifer said:

...Could Bro Gary be a robto?

If he is, that's really good news. My daughter is really into learning about robtos and such, and she tells me in great detail disturbing scenarios about how AI could eventually be the death of us humans. But if Bro Gary is what they're working with, I don't think we need to worry. The skies are blue, the weens are red, and the milks are rich with cornbread.

[Coy Koi]

Okay, this Styly guy is kind of a kick though. (And of course he is, his name is STYLY. He better be a kick or that is some seriously false advertising.)

Like, Styly, how high are you right now?

[Texas Heifer]

I feel like Styly might be one of us. 

[Coy Koi]

31 minutes ago, Texas Heifer said:

I feel like Styly might be one of us. 

I wish he was because he's a real hoot, but that dude is legit. I feel like I've been scrolling his page for years, and I'm still only at 12/29/17.

And this is how I'm going to preface everything I ever say from now on: "EXCITING NEWS FROM FLEAMARKET".

[Texas Heifer]

Uh...maybe not. I just went to his page. His cover photo looks like it's from a cemetery and bellows: KEEP RIGHT.

I had brief hopes that he was trolling ol'Gar, but.

[Texas Heifer]

@Coy Koi: I ask you...when is Flea Market News not exciting? 

Hey! Mayhap there were good weens there, too! Cornbread milks, pintos...like in this...uh, this fine photo. 

I was also pretty sure he called that a jethro bowl, and I was like, Bro Gary, you ain't kidding.

Though, with his spelling skillz, it occurs to me that he DID mean jethro bowl.

[Coy Koi]

2 minutes ago, Texas Heifer said:

@Coy Koi: I ask you...when is Flea Market News not exciting? 

Hey! Mayhap there were good weens there, too! Cornbread milks, pintos...like in this...uh, this fine photo. 

I was also pretty sure he called that a jethro bowl, and I was like, Bro Gary, you ain't kidding.

I'm sure flea market news is always exciting. I might want to start talking about it even more than robtos. You guys are ruining my life. I have so many hilarious jokes I can't share, and it's all your faults.

The Jethro Bowl is like the polar opposite of the Buddha Bowl (or the polar octopus, as we would call it in my house, because in preschool my daughter was absolutely obsessed with sea creatures especially the octopus, so every single time she tried to say the word opposite, she would accidentally say octopus instead. And I insist on carrying that joke on forever, no matter how many eye rolls it gets me).

[Dandruff]

7 hours ago, General Jinjur said:

OK folks, now Bro Ween has posted a link to one of those get-paid-for-shopping apps. He's just so dang determined not to get a real job. 

For at least some jobs, he'd have to fill out an employment application.  Imagine how that would go.

4 hours ago, DancingPhalanges said:

But WHY is the chicken there? Does he take a break from shouting and take a chicken leg break??? 

Sis Dancing

#caseofthebaptistchickenlegs

Perhaps bait to help attract and keep the audience there, at least through the grifting segment?

2 hours ago, Texas Heifer said:

Ok Folks, I was hopping to find new weens on Bro G's FB because I am bored. Alas, it was not to be. However! I did notice, on the still for his last video, his shirt appears to have...

a pull cord?

About the last thing in the world I'd want to see is what would happen if that cord was pulled.

[Texas Heifer]

2 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

The Jethro Bowl is like the polar opposite of the Buddha Bowl 

See, it took me forever to figure it out. I thought a "jetro bowl" was the name of the crockery bowl in which he was stirring that vomitous mess. Like the brand name? I'd heard "Jethro bowl" before, but it didn't ping until I remembered we are talking about GARY here.

Hahaha, I am totally stealing the octopus thing. That is hilarious!

[Coy Koi]

6 minutes ago, Texas Heifer said:

Hahaha, I am totally stealing the octopus thing. That is hilarious!

Please do! Don't let me be the only weirdo who goes around saying "octopus" with a straight face in contexts where it makes no sense. (And how many contexts does it even make sense in? Unless you're a marine biologist or something, probably not all that many.)

[Coy Koi]

Oops

[MarblesMom]

Hey folks, let's not even get close to insulting Jetro Tull over all this.

HAY-Mayunn

[luv2laugh]

I am new to this rabbit hole but from what I’ve read, I don’t think Gary is dealing with a full deck.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

2 hours ago, Texas Heifer said:

I'd heard "Jethro bowl" before...

I hadn't. I did a quick search and found a definition on Urban Dictionary. (I'm posting it for anyone else who didn't know)

Quote

Jethro bowl

An enormous bowl used for eating, as typified by Jethro Bodine on the Beverly Hillbillies T.V. show.

The part that got me a bit excited was a picture example I found:

Spoiler

I have that mixing bowl!! It's the largest one in the set of Pyrex mixing bowls I got from my grandma.

Thus ends my exciting learning adventure. 

[Georgiana]

If you thought Plexus was bad...

Spoiler

 

 

[Sis Robto]

OK Folks!

Bro Gary inspired me to do the unpossible and sign up here. First post! Just wanted to say y'all make me laugh, so thanks for that. And to show of my username. I had to have it. And with FJ all things or possibly.

Sis Robto 

[Texas Heifer]

3 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

I am new to this rabbit hole but from what I’ve read, I don’t think Gary is dealing with a full deck.

He's about as sharp as a sock full of weens and pink gravy.

1 hour ago, Sis Robto said:

Bro Gary inspired me to do the unpossible and sign up here.

I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SEE A ROBTO USERNAME!

 

[General Jinjur]

Welcome @Sis Robto! May your weens be ever pink.

[mango_fandango]

OK Folks, 

Why does Bro Gary think anyone wants to see his cornbread milks and pinto with mixings? I know social media is a common tool for sharing food photos, but they're usually restaurant food (where they tend to emphasise presentation) or something, err, nice-looking like a cake or something. It's not gross pink weens in gravy with Real Flour (tm) or cornbread milks or pinto mixings. Sometimes people do post photos of their home-made dinner, but Bro G-Haw's captions are just bizarre. People will usually say "God I love pasta!" (I would) or "Mexican evening at Casa Mango tonight", or whatever. Bro G always says "ok folks here my <insert gross concoction here>". 

Sis mango_fandango

[MsSaylor]

Sadly, it seems pink weens and cornbread milks are fancy, special food for bro Gary. And he wants the man eating food points. 

[Spanger]

On January 9, 2018 at 6:28 PM, MayMay1123 said:

Now I wanna know what's in that bottle on the table 

Catching up on all the good weens, folks!

I can clear up at least a few mysterious WEENS:  bottle on the table is definitely worsteshire sauce.  And the "pull cord" on his shirt, is a pen with a fancy twirly clip...  One of the companies I work with has promotional pens with the same clip.

And- most disturbingly- that cro-shay blanket, I think I have almost the same one.    My grandmother made it for me, you see.  Her MO is to buy whatever lion-brand yarn matches each grand-kiddos childhood bedroom best, and then follow the lion-brand pattern that goes with it, so it's quite possible that whoever made that blanket for Bro G.Haw did the same.  I'm honestly not sure if this means I'll never be able to use my blanket again, or if it means it will become my new seekrit FJ reading blanket.

I still don't get why the KFC hiding makes it baptist tho.  HAY MAYUNN!

Your sis in Pink Ween Gravy,

Sis Spanger

[Texas Heifer]

38 minutes ago, Spanger said:

 And the "pull cord" on his shirt, is a pen with a fancy twirly clip...

Sis, this is deflating news. I had dreams, Sis. I had dreams of GOD choosing Bro Gary to freak out Chrissy Teigen on Twitter like Sophia the SuperReal Robto did yesterday.

Sigh. (Hey! Just made $6!)

Yours in Broken Weens,

Sis Heifer

[Beermeet]

Ok folks,

Imma takin a break from that there video of bro Gary.  The HAY-MENS are startling me!  What a sanctimonious jerk this guy is!  Them fancy stores where a shirt cost $10.  Lol. He says that because his only money comes from an app.  So, what else are they gonna do?  I'd love to see what would happen if he was given $1,000,000.  As an experiment.   How he would use it.  

Yours in cornbread milks,

Sis. Beermeet