Weenese 3: Brother Gary Hawkins Wanting God All Over Him

[Georgiana]

I like thrift shopping too, Bro Gary, but somehow I find a way not to be an ass about it.

[EmiGirl]

They probably got the KFC buckets for the offering. I've seen them used for this many times. 

[Black Aliss]

Okay, folks,

I just wanted to say how much I envy those of you who are blessed with headships who will share your love of all things Bro. Hawkins (and the Rodriguiae and the Maxhells and all the rest, although I don't give two effs about the Duggars and Bateseseses, and the Nauglers make my stomach turn). Brother Black  has zero appreciation for pink weens or Scary Clowns or Pink Drinks and he doesn't understand why I would let these people live inside my head. Pray for me.

[Alisamer]

15 hours ago, Coy Koi said:

Please do! Don't let me be the only weirdo who goes around saying "octopus" with a straight face in contexts where it makes no sense. (And how many contexts does it even make sense in? Unless you're a marine biologist or something, probably not all that many.)

We're still using "Octopus Prime" from when my friend's daughter got a Transformers Happy Meal toy. I'm a fan, so it comes up more often than it might otherwise.

[MayMay1123]

16 minutes ago, EmiGirl said:

They probably got the KFC buckets for the offering. I've seen them used for this many times. 

are they clean? or,er....used? why can't they just use a basket?

sis may-confused as usual

[EmiGirl]

Just now, MayMay1123 said:

are they clean? or,er....used? why can't they just use a basket?

sis may-confused as usual

They're clean. I've always assumed KFC donates them. 

[catlady]

11 hours ago, Texas Heifer said:

I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO SEE A ROBTO USERNAME!

 

i love it, too, @Sis Robto !  if there are any other lurkers out there, i've been waiting for over a year for someone to call themselves Yeti Pelt in honor of Brigid Boyer-Everson's husband. 

[FundieFarmer]

HAY.

WHAT is a CORNBREAD MILKS and does anybody other than Bro Gary eat it (them)??

I MUST KNOW

It is the polar octopus of anything I’ve seen ever on anyone’s plate.

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, EmiGirl said:

They're clean. I've always assumed KFC donates them. 

I can see it now - the Bro Gary and friend walking into their local franchise and asking if they could possibly donate several buckets of food for their tent revival meeting.

Franchise manager being very apologetic that they can't donate food right now, but they can give them some buckets for the offerings, and best of luck, we'll be praying for you... no, can't attend unfortunately, the shop has to stay open, y'know?

Bro Gary and friend leave with buckets and thanks, and the manager thinks... best subliminal advertising ever! Bet I get at least half of them after the show!

[Georgiana]

Now, we all know Bro Gary aint never believed in Santa Claus...

But does he believe in the Polar Octopus? 

 

(And how do we incorporate this sage cephalopod into the worship of Rufus?) 

[catlady]

44 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

But does he believe in the Polar Octopus? 

(And how do we incorporate this sage cephalopod into the worship of Rufus?) 

i believe in the Polar Octopus.        << sorry, this was the closest one i could find.......

[Texas Heifer]

Ok Folks! It's gettin' on to Griftin' Season!

Fill free pray with Ernest. I guess he's hopping it GOD will for Bro, Sis and the poor, poor children to grift in his neighborhood. 

Weenese is hard, y'all.

Sis Heifer

[pamplemousse]

I stepped away from this thread and came back to see cornbread milks and jethro bowls of vomit.  Those and weens in pink gravy make one unholy trifecta.

I've got a job for Bro Gary. He can design a diet for me.  I'd lose weight really fast because I'd never eat the slop he undoubtedly would try to have me eat.  And if I tried to choke down any of said slop, I almost certainly would be sick.

[Carol]

Gary is the only person I know who can make lethargy pay off.  He and Becci made $81.00 today without leaving their home.  Or their couch.  Barely had to move their arms.  

 

[Texas Heifer]

Omgwtfbbq Gary.

Words Mean Things.

[Texas Heifer]

Is anyone else expecting/hoping for Bro Ween to find us? I feel certain it will be the first time anyone has ever flat-out told me I'm going to hell.

I can't wait.

[ChickenettiLuvr]

Oh goodie oh goodie. Gettin ready for a Freaky Fundie Friday all up in he-ah.

I'd offer to make a Jethro bowl of popcorn for all y'all, but I purt near burnt down the house the last time I tried that. (FWIW- do not hit potato button and walk away. *shudder*)

I volunteer to sell tickets and pass out wine coolers!

[Dandruff]

59 minutes ago, Texas Heifer said:

Is anyone else expecting/hoping for Bro Ween to find us? I feel certain it will be the first time anyone has ever flat-out told me I'm going to hell.

I can't wait.

I'd love to see him try to damn us in Weenese.

[MarblesMom]

I know we have a really great contract with Stanley Steemer in cases like this.... or should we just tile the floor?

If his robtos and undates don't work out for him, he might eventually find FJ....

HAY-Mayunn! (goodpreaching)

[grandmadugger]

8 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

HAY.

WHAT is a CORNBREAD MILKS and does anybody other than Bro Gary eat it (them)??

I MUST KNOW

It is the polar octopus of anything I’ve seen ever on anyone’s plate.

I am guessing with this so who knows. Take cornbread, usually day old, warm slightly, slather in butter, and pour milk over it. That’s how my grandma ate it. She was born in 1911 you didn’t waste food. 

[Texas Heifer]

18 minutes ago, grandmadugger said:

Take cornbread

Know what? I'll be honest. I've been doing keto (uh, that sounds dirty, sorry) since May, and I would basically take cornbread any way I could get it at this point. There are all kinds of hacks, but they've yet to come up with a substitute for corn. Anything corn.  

I just had a thought: we already know Hawkins Homeschool was...lackluster (former teacher here--holla), but the fact that our Bro does not know how to use a comma, and thus, it appears he thinks New York Maine is a state? Bugs me.

[KnittingOwl]

On 1/11/2018 at 1:32 PM, smittykins said:

So now you can get paid for sighing? 

Sign me up! My SIL and DH make fun of my dad, brother, and me for our tendency to do really deep sighs. Brother has taken to calling it “<Lastname> Sigh.”

[grandmadugger]

32 minutes ago, Texas Heifer said:

Know what? I'll be honest. I've been doing keto (uh, that sounds dirty, sorry) since May, and I would basically take cornbread any way I could get it at this point. There are all kinds of hacks, but they've yet to come up with a substitute for corn. Anything corn.  

We are gluten free so I get it. They make a mix that satisfies my husband but it’s not grandma’s cornbread. I could make myself some regular cornbread but I can’t eat a whole pan by myself. I guess I could send the leftovers to Bro Gary. 

[Texas Heifer]

2 minutes ago, grandmadugger said:

I guess I could send the leftovers to Bro Gary.

He'd probably mix it with milks and "cold slaw."  My grandma would haint me if I gave someone her cornbread to be desecrated in such a fashion!

Also, he'd probably mix in pintos, as well. Abomination. Bad weens. The Lord wept. Etc.

Just send it to me. I'd break ketosis for some homemade cornbread right now! 

[waltraute]

Both my mother and one of my kids eat cornbread this way. Day old, leftover cornbread warmed up in a bowl, slathered in butter, drizzled with honey or syrup, and drenched with milk. I've tried it and it isn't terrible but it also isn't my first choice. That same kid likes to eat cake in a bowl with milk too. A big bowl. A Jethro bowl, you might say.

As to whether Bro. Gary might discover us someday, I think even if he knew about us he wouldn't care much. He doesn't seem like he cares one whit what other people think about him. Gary's just gonna do Gary.