Weenese 3: Brother Gary Hawkins Wanting God All Over Him

[DancingPhalanges]

Ok Folks

On a serious note he whines about not giving up (not getting a real job) because he has wayward children. Which ones? Because the ones that left aren't his. What a jerk. And Jesus needs him to continue in 2018. He needs to keep mooching and not working because if it was good enough for the old days of the Bible it's good enough for him. Ugh. I could only listen to 90 seconds. 

Sis. Dancing 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

3 hours ago, DancingPhalanges said:

Ok folks

Is Gary "preaching" reclined on the couch wearing a knitted blanket? He's ridiculous. 

Sis. Dancing-didn't watch but giggled at the pic of Gary and the green&white blankie across his belly. 

Ok folks

I think its cro-shayed, not nitted. 

Sis WWJCD, who also didnt watch cuz she's out of hi-speed data until the tenth

[waltraute]

HAY MANNN!!!!
Gary wants a revival! Unless of course, it means that he has to actually SIT UP or come out from under that blanket.

[Coy Koi]

On 1/7/2018 at 9:03 AM, mango_fandango said:

That post wasn’t very clear. What exactly does Bro Gary want to do this year??? 

Pretty sure he was saying how he wants to take up waterskiing...?

15 hours ago, DancingPhalanges said:

I could only listen to 90 seconds. 

90 seconds is enough to know in your mind what he was saying, because he was really just repeating the same things over and over anyway. But it's not enough time to get the FEELING. To do that without watching the whole video, you'll need to watch 90 seconds, bang your ahead against a brick wall as hard as you can until you pass out, and then get a lobotomy. You'll still be too smart to really get where he's coming from, but you'll be getting closer.

[DancingPhalanges]

7 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

Pretty sure he was saying how he wants to take up waterskiing...?

90 seconds is enough to know in your mind what he was saying, because he was really just repeating the same things over and over anyway. But it's not enough time to get the FEELING. To do that without watching the whole video, you'll need to watch 90 seconds, bang your ahead against a brick wall as hard as you can until you pass out, and then get a lobotomy. You'll still be too smart to really get where he's coming from, but you'll be getting closer.

So then I could be like...a really stable genius??? **bangs head**

[Coy Koi]

Just now, DancingPhalanges said:

So then I could be like...a really stable genius??? **bangs head**

That's exactly right, friend-o! Trump 2020! As soon as I recover from my lobotomy I'm going to join the campaign trail and meet so many of my people. I will then sell Plexus to them.

[General Jinjur]

Ok folks, the new year is already off to a great start with the return of Bro Ween. I watched the first 2 minutes of that video, then gave up when he scared the crap out of me with that AMEN! at the 1:52 mark. 

Sis Jin

[DancingPhalanges]

14 minutes ago, Coy Koi said:

That's exactly right, friend-o! Trump 2020! As soon as I recover from my lobotomy I'm going to join the campaign trail and meet so many of my people. I will then sell Plexus to them.

Okay but we have to go in a Weenie-mobile and have our green and white crocheted blanket. Might need to practice shouting AMEN. 

[Coy Koi]

6 minutes ago, DancingPhalanges said:

Okay but we have to go in a Weenie-mobile and have our green and white crocheted blanket. Might need to practice shouting AMEN. 

Whoa there, sis. I like your enthusiasm, but wouldn't it be more effective to have a vehicle that actually runs?

(I'm in a position to joke about this now because my precious car that Midas told me was completely dead and I was throwing a pity party for myself over it the other day, my uncle who is a much better mechanic is fixing it! Resurrection! Sorry you don't have such a talented uncle, Bro Gary.)

[DancingPhalanges]

Sis @Coy KoiI am disappointed. You are applying logic. In true style we must constantly break down and then beg for repairs. Okay? Then we must shout amen to three people in an audience. 

Sis Dancing---joking but sad this actually exists. Like...for real. 

[Coy Koi]

1 minute ago, DancingPhalanges said:

Sis @Coy KoiI am disappointed. You are applying logic. In true style we must constantly break down and then beg for repairs. Okay? Then we must shout amen to three people in an audience. 

You are so, so right. My pre-lobotomy brain is always doing this sinful "thinking" thing. It's like I can't even stop, like some sick addiction. Well, not today, Satan! We will GET than Oscar Mayer weenmobile, and we will get it from a JUNKYARD, and if it has any tires, we will rip them off and BURN them illegally, and then we will make this shit work, because like our mentor Bro Gary, we will not quit.

[DancingPhalanges]

1 minute ago, Coy Koi said:

You are so, so right. My pre-lobotomy brain is always doing this sinful "thinking" thing. It's like I can't even stop, like some sick addiction. Well, not today, Satan! We will GET than Oscar Mayer weenmobile, and we will get it from a JUNKYARD, and if it has any tires, we will rip them off and BURN them illegally, and then we will make this shit work, because like our mentor Bro Gary, we will not quit.

Sis, I laughed so hard my eyes watered and coffee spewed. 

Sis Dancing, I really needed a laugh today.  

[ElToro]

18 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

Wow. He made me nervous just watching that. It was the dragging “ssss” at the end of words and the intermittent shouting. 

Like the insane killer in 'Red Dragon'....

All the repetition and long pauses too. Almost as if he hadn't put any effort into thinking what he was going to say before filming it and putting it on the internet....  does he think that by talking in the style of a 2nd rate preacher, his words are suddenly profound or have any kind of meaning. As with so many things, he's just plain Wrong.

This is part of the reason I don't understand religious fundamentalism... Who could sit through this shit every Sunday?

[keepercjr]

He looks utterly ridiculous sitting in the recliner with his blanket preaching like that.  It is scary how he can go from normal to anger and back.  The wayward children have to be Becky’s.  I saw at least one of his pop in and out of the doorway behind him.  All of Becky’s kids are gone and she probably has limited contact with them as the 2 of them have no stability in life.  

What is with the “good preaching” lines?  Shouldn’t someone else be saying that to him, not him to himself? 

[ElToro]

11 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

What is with the “good preaching” lines?  Shouldn’t someone else be saying that to him, not him to himself? 

I have to admit I didn't (couldn't) sit through the whole Ween-Preach but it struck me that, he's congratulating himself on how much he can talk about Bro Gary... Most of the content was about himself.

And 90% of the accompanying comments were from one, single, but very keen, Ween-Fan....  it does suggest that most of the viewers were FJers....

[Texas Heifer]

Ok Folks,

So I spent the past 18 hours or so either sleeping or devouring the Ween Threads, and made Bro Heifer's eyes cross more than once (note: we are both dirty heathens). Today I sent him the FB url for Bro Ween's parody page, and this happened. Please forgive, as I currently suffer from a Lac of Faith and GOD WORDS.

Also, I have a sinus infection.

Sis Heifer

[waltraute]

2 hours ago, DancingPhalanges said:

Okay but we have to go in a Weenie-mobile and have our green and white crocheted blanket. Might need to practice shouting AMEN. 

HAY MAANN!!! Do you know why we will do this? Because Bro Gary never gives up!  HAY MAANN! The Lord God of the King James Bible done told Bro Gary that he shall reclineth, HAY MAANN!! And Bro Gary, he reclineth!  HAY MAANN!! Bro Gary WILL NOT sit up, no sir.  HAY MAANN!!! Not during 27 minutes and 39 seconds of preaching will he sit up, HAY MAANN!! Because when the God of the King James Bible tells you to reclineth under a croshayed blanket, you reclineth.  HAY MAANN!!!

Sis waltraute

[Gobsmacked]

2 hours ago, Coy Koi said:

You are so, so right. My pre-lobotomy brain is always doing this sinful "thinking" thing. It's like I can't even stop, like some sick addiction. Well, not today, Satan! We will GET than Oscar Mayer weenmobile, and we will get it from a JUNKYARD, and if it has any tires, we will rip them off and BURN them illegally, and then we will make this shit work, because like our mentor Bro Gary, we will not quit.

HALLEUJAH X 11eventy1!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just don't lose yow blessed blankie with all that there crazy hand waving there Sis CoyKoi. It be mighty cold round here.  All that crazy global warming stuff bein talked about out there. Y'all stay warm folks. 

Sis GS

[Coy Koi]

26 minutes ago, Gobsmacked said:

HALLEUJAH X 11eventy1!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just don't lose yow blessed blankie with all that there crazy hand waving there Sis CoyKoi. It be mighty cold round here.  All that crazy global warming stuff bein talked about out there. Y'all stay warm folks. 

Sis GS

For heck's sake, why do you think we burned the tires?? To combat global warming! So you all don't have to worry about that ever again. It's God's temperature now.

[Gobsmacked]

 

May the weens be fo ever with yow there Sis Coy Koi. 'Tis mighty fine wowk yow be doing there. 

May the seas raaise forever in yow name.

Sis GS

[Texas Heifer]

Ok Folks, I just watched the first few minutes of Bro Ween's newest live video.

This was legit my face when he started screaming.

 

Yours in Miranda Sings and Good Pink Gravy,

Sis Heifer

[Texas Heifer]

Ok Folks, just found this message from Bro Gary at the ass end of 2012.

God ain't looking for no robtos. Y'all keep that in mind.

The threads on this guy are making my miserable, snot-filled life worth living right now. So thank you all.

Bro Heifer and I would also like to know if Bro Gary reminds any of y'all of someone in a Very Christian Idiocracy?

In Clevon's Name I Pray,

Sis Heifer

(Bro Heifer just commented, "God wants serves to do his will? Sure sounds like he's looking for robtos." )

ETA: OMG I FOUND ANOTHER ONE ABOUT ROBTOS

Bro Gary has Strong Feels re: robtos and willing serves!

[MayMay1123]

19 hours ago, Coy Koi said:

We will GET than Oscar Mayer weenmobile, and we will get it from a JUNKYARD, and if it has any tires, we will rip them off and BURN them illegally, and then we will make this shit work, because like our mentor Bro Gary, we will not quit.

i already dun gots the weenie mobile rite hear, lookit my fine ol pic of her...

and i still hear "hey may" every time dammit

sis may-who is not a robto

[Jellybean]

I was watching one of Bro. Gary's videos when my husband got home from work. He was somewhat surprised so I explained a little and found a picture of good pink weens. I'm totally deaf in one ear so I wasn't sure what the 'huh' sound was at the end of each sentence (the video is the top one on the Hawkins Family Ministries preaching page: http://hawkinsfamilyministries.org/index.php/preaching-and-singing).

It sounded to me as though Brother Gary  was trying to catch his breath at the end of each shouted sentence, but Brother Bean came up with an alternative theory: he's thinking about weens and making the gagging noise we both made in response to the picture. Mystery solved?!

(thanks @General Jinjur - I used your profile pic *gag*). 

Sis. Jellybean 

[MarblesMom]

Thinking back to his live feed the other night, I guess he expects a revival under the croshayed afghan....