Dillards 41: Chocolate, Cheese, and Other Things More Interesting

[EmmyJay]

I don't want him to have cheated on or hurt Jill. Not after all the shit she's been through.
I also realize that I just opened up a real can of worms about speculation. That ain't right of me.
At any rate, Derick's pretty clearly got more issues than Vogue, and considering what a hateful tool he has shown himself to be, I feel little sympathy for him and whatever his issues might be.

Unfortunately I think his very existence in her life hurts Jill. Dude has issues. No, the way interpreted the statement made on NLQ, was that maybe Derrick is attracted to guys or something along those lines.

There isn't anything wrong with being gay or bi. Unless you live in J&D's world.

[front hugs > duggs]

9 hours ago, AprilQuilt said:

J&D, meanwhile... struggle. Whether it's outside stresses impacting, or parenting a littlun being something they don't love (in which case good luck spawning eleventy of 'em), they just don't seem to get so much joy from his kid-ness.

In my opinion, a big difference between Jessa and Jill is their experiences with sistermom-ing. I think Jill loved being a sistermom and having her siblingkids and generally thought that was a great experience that she will want to emulate (although having two boys first probably dampens that a bit). Where as, again in my opinion, Jessa didn't love being a sistermom and having a buddy group that she was mostly responsible.  Here on FJ, people had preconceived notions about Jill taking to motherhood better than Jessa would, and how Jessa has really come into mothering better than many thought she would. I wonder if these experiences will influence how many children they ultimately decide to have, or if it has influenced their parenting styles already, and that is what we are seeing.

[SamiKatz]

I think any rumours about Derick and shenanigans in CA come from the blind item that was printed on Crazy Days and Nights but it is not a reliable source at all. Even in the world of blind items it's a sketchy site.  

Derick shows his ass hattery on a daily basis, there doesn't need to be skeletons in his closet to make him look bad.

ETA: Anything is possible though.

 

 

[Hashtag Blessed]

52 minutes ago, nickelodeon said:

he just likes to target vulnerable people.

My thoughts exactly. He might be closeted or "ex-gay," but honestly I think he just gets off on being holier-than-thou and feeling powerful. Maybe that stems from self-hatred for a sinful nature? But it could just come from being an asshole.

I would LOVE to see those tweets from former classmates though, unfortunately I don't have time to wade through all of his replies to find them.  I love the tweets from Ted Cruz's former roommate, and this would be 100x better. 

[Four is Enough]

"More issues than Vogue!" I love it, @nastyhobbitses!

[Carm_88]

Derick doesn't seem to be as hands on as Ben, but again that might be the way that Ben was raised. They come from different life experiences as well. Ben still has a Dad that he can rely on and ask questions to, I don't think Michael Seewald is the best man to emulate but he does work and support his family. Derick's Dad has passed away and he may be feeling a little lost and unsettled. 

Now, that doesn't mean that he gets to be a first class tool. It just means that I just think that Ben is more warm and loving in general. Ben always struck me as someone who had a lot of love to give, he's a bit sappy. Derick never really struck me as that way; I know it's said that him and Jill are the most prone to PDA but I see that in the JB way. I can and you can't. I don't know, I could be completely in left field. 

[HarleyQuinn]

10 hours ago, EmmyJay said:

I was reading the other day on No Longer Quivering ( don't know how true it is, but interesting nontheless) that there was some sort of scandal in El Salvadore, regarding Derrick and sexuality. I'm wondering if there's any validity to that.

 Was it an article or a comment somewhere? I could see someone speculating because he made that comment about cutting his manbun because it gives off "the wrong impression" or whatever it was he said. 

I wish a reporter would interview his OSU classmates.  

[Drala]

1 hour ago, nickelodeon said:

Some people are just fugly transphobes. I'm not a fan of the "transphobic/homophobic people must be secretly trans/closeted" line of thinking.

I think the reason Derick has zeroed-in on trans kids is the same as the reason he spent all his time in El Salvador playing basketball with kids and promising kids food if they come to his church, instead of "ministering" to other adults. He needs to feel superior and talk down to people and he can't do that with grown adults. It's nothing scandalous, he just likes to target vulnerable people.

While I wouldn't be surprised if Derick has a touch of gender dysphoria, I don't  think it's necessary to explain transphobia.   For people who haven't been exposed to individuals with the condition, it's really hard to understand, and what is unfamiliar and misunderstood is a source of fear and loathing.  You're absolutely correct about that.  But when I let myself speculate  about Derick's gender closet, I imagine him as a cross-dresser, something het males are known to get into.  I like to think he's got an inner Pistol Pat hiding in the shadows.

Seriously though, you're right on target with his need to feel superior and talk down to people.  That said, I also think he is acting out of toxic guilt about something sexual.  It could be from his college years.

[singsingsing]

As soon as I heard them all say Derick and Jill were the most prone to PDA, I thought, "Yeah, no kidding. Probably because their relationship is weakest overall and they feel like they've got something to prove."

It seems like they've been struggling since they got married. I really think Jill is one who would have seriously benefited from a more gradual, step-by-step transition to adulthood. Like, first - get a part time job. Second - go on a retreat or mission or two with some friends (and NO family members) for a few days away from home. Third - enroll at the local community college. Fourth - transfer college credits and move a couple hours away to the state university. Fifth - start dating a nice, conservative Christian boy you met in class - no physical stuff necessary! And so on. There probably would have been a lot of tears and self-doubt and hiccups along the way, but she would have learned to trust herself and become capable of independence. Instead it was out of the frying pan, into the fire.

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

Ben is also the oldest of seven kids, so he might have more experience with little kids and playing around with them. Doesn't excuse D-Wreck of the Jacked Up Jaw for being a douche, but it does explain why Ben appears more affectionate.

[Georgiana]

I think that Derick is just a miserable failure.  He's a failure at his job.  A failure in his marriage.  A failure in his mission.  

I do sometimes wonder if Cathy's health issues had something to do with it.  Derick had already lost his father, and I think the prospect of losing his mother may have really, genuinely frightened him.  He may have suddenly experienced a flood of spirituality in an effort to cope, and rushed into marriage and fatherhood in an effort to make the most of the time he had with his mother.  And Cathy seems VERY conservative.  Jim Bob as a prayer partner and a religious wedding may have been HER influence because it was what SHE wanted to see for her son.  And it's very hard to tell people who might be dying "no"...that could be their last wish.  

I know many very secular people who have done the same.  Rush into marriage so that your parents can be there to see you.  Suddenly decide to get pregnant because you want your parents to be able to meet their grandchild/be around for your transition into parenthood.  

The smart ones are the ones that just rush into kids, in my anecdotal experience.  They now have kids they love and wonderful memories with their parents.  But none of the marrieds who rushed things have lasted.  And I wonder if Derick, now that Cathy's health has improved, regrets his decisions.  Now that he's not frightened about losing his mom, he's in a very different headspace.  Jill, who may have been absolutely wonderful and essential during Cathy's health scare (which she did genuinely seem to be) may have lost some of her luster for Derick now that he no longer needs that continual support.  And the same qualities that made her respond so wonderfully to his anxiety and fear then may be overwhelming now that he needs space she cannot give.  

One way or another, Derick dun goofed.  His life is a freaking wreck and it's on national TV.  I wouldn't want my lost years during my 20s broadcast for the whole world.  I have to imagine it's not a great feeling.  And his wife, no longer the Duggar golden girl, can't compensate for his failures.  He's a miserable man, and like miserable people everywhere, he's become a bully because he needs to lash out.

Got a message for you, Derick:

Spoiler

 

[BeccaGrim]

2 hours ago, SamiKatz said:

 CA come from the blind item that was printed on Crazy Days and Nights 

 

 

What is Crazy Days and Night? I put it in italics. 

[Feministe9000]

10 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

I think that Derick is just a miserable failure.  He's a failure at his job.  A failure in his marriage.  A failure in his mission.  

I do sometimes wonder if Cathy's health issues had something to do with it.  Derick had already lost his father, and I think the prospect of losing his mother may have really, genuinely frightened him.  He may have suddenly experienced a flood of spirituality in an effort to cope, and rushed into marriage and fatherhood in an effort to make the most of the time he had with his mother.  And Cathy seems VERY conservative.  Jim Bob as a prayer partner and a religious wedding may have been HER influence because it was what SHE wanted to see for her son.  And it's very hard to tell people who might be dying "no"...that could be their last wish.  

I know many very secular people who have done the same.  Rush into marriage so that your parents can be there to see you.  Suddenly decide to get pregnant because you want your parents to be able to meet their grandchild/be around for your transition into parenthood.  

The smart ones are the ones that just rush into kids, in my anecdotal experience.  They now have kids they love and wonderful memories with their parents.  But none of the marrieds who rushed things have lasted.  And I wonder if Derick, now that Cathy's health has improved, regrets his decisions.  Now that he's not frightened about losing his mom, he's in a very different headspace.  Jill, who may have been absolutely wonderful and essential during Cathy's health scare (which she did genuinely seem to be) may have lost some of her luster for Derick now that he no longer needs that continual support.  And the same qualities that made her respond so wonderfully to his anxiety and fear then may be overwhelming now that he needs space she cannot give.  

One way or another, Derick dun goofed.  His life is a freaking wreck and it's on national TV.  I wouldn't want my lost years during my 20s broadcast for the whole world.  I have to imagine it's not a great feeling.  And his wife, no longer the Duggar golden girl, can't compensate for his failures.  He's a miserable man, and like miserable people everywhere, he's become a bully because he needs to lash out.

Got a message for you, Derick:

  Reveal hidden contents

 

I can't like this enough!!!! Thank you for putting this so eloquently into words.

Jilly, I wish you had the courage/ capability of independent thought/ resources outside the family/ many other things, but you don't.
Life is a long road for most of us, stranger/worse in some ways for these folks, but for Jill? without some real love and companionship, like what we see from Jessa and Ben (who went from my most disliked to most liked Duggar couple, once they had both grown up a little bit)  you are up shit creek.

Hint: Derick convinced you to all pile into the boat, even though the river is flowing with shit, he then proceeded to break both paddles, tossed them into the creek , told you to close your eyes and think of Jesus....and here you are!

Joking aside, I feel for her, she is a brainwashed, ignorant young woman who has been traumatized earlier in life and never got help.
I hope she is able to give the boys a (mostly) happy childhood, is all I can say. The less of Derick, the better, I think.

 

[singsingsing]

I don't doubt that Cathy's health problems had a huge effect on Derick, but I was under the impression that her diagnosis was rather sudden and happened after Jill and Derick were already courting or engaged. I'm not 100% sure... anyone know?

[Hashtag Blessed]

1 hour ago, Georgiana said:

One way or another, Derick dun goofed.  His life is a freaking wreck and it's on national TV.  I wouldn't want my lost years during my 20s broadcast for the whole world.

For real. I often wonder how the fact that their lives are public spectacle affects the decisions they make. Because it has to affect them. Derelict has proven to be uniquely ill suited to being in the lime light, and yet he continues to seek it with his purposefully inflammatory tweets. He's clearly just as thin-skinned as his wife and doesn't handle criticism well, yet his boner for being the one to save us all from sin with tweets keeps him coming back for more punishment. It seems like he desperately wants the validation of internet strangers but when he only gets vitriol he tries to play it off like that's what he expected. He pretends he felt called to tweet some Biblical Truths, however unpopular they might be, and he's righteously withstanding the criticism because he's secure in his moral superiority. But the truth is that he expected 1000's of "AMEN!"s instead he got 1000's of "FUCK YOU!"s. He's attracted relentless criticism for almost three years, that has to be fucking with his self-perception at least a little bit. Any normal person would do some self examination and wonder where they went wrong.

[SamiKatz]

1 hour ago, BeccaGrim said:

What is Crazy Days and Night? I put it in italics. 

It's a blind item site.  All blind items should be read with a grain of salt in mind, but this one is bad even for a blind item site.  I don't believe anything they print at all.

[Hashtag Blessed]

1 minute ago, SamiKatz said:

It's a blind item site.  All blind items should be read with a grain of salt in mind, but this one is bad even for a blind item site.  I don't believe anything they print at all.

Oh yeah, the blind item in question was clearly complete fiction. I found it hilarious, personally. Others did not, lol. It was just so far fetched and straight out of a soap opera. I find that sort of blind item highly entertaining, especially when it is directed at someone like Derek who I know would be absolutely horrified by it. 

[Lurky]

@Georgiana I always really enjoy your posts, and your insights - you make me think, and nod my head, and wonder why I haven't see things that way.  I don't say it enough, but thank you.

And re Crazy Days & Nights - I go through binges, but years ago Enty stopped being 1 person, and now it's a number of them, and they've admitted themselves some of the rumours are basically fanfic.  I think it's a shame, because years ago CDAN was really reliable, and interesting, but then they hit a certain level, and started basically making things up.  It really upsets me, because at 1 point they were really into exposing the nasty, paedophilic side of the entertainment industry - and then to say that some of what they say is flat out lies?  It just makes everything they spent some time trying to expose/start a conversation about seem like it's made up too. 

(For those who don't know CDAN, I go in via the Blind Items Revealed.  Obvs apply caution re believing it all http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/search/label/blind items revealed )

[KeepingSweet]

13 hours ago, LacyMay said:

I know it's been mentioned time and time again but I can't get over the difference in parenting between the Dillards and Seewalds. This was so apparent on yesterday's Counting On episode with Ben playing with Spurgeon and talking about how he's learned what Binessa finds funny and will do it on purpose and smile when they laugh.

Spurgeon does things intentionally to make Binessa laugh. And Ben calls him perceptive. 

Izzy does something equally sweet and Derjerk calls him manipulative.

 I seriously thought I was going crazy after watching the episodes this season and feeling my opinions of J&B shift a little bit. I hope for their sake that, though it has taken a while, they are starting to grow into their marriage. It was actually a little bit heartwarming to see Ben on the floor with Spurgey and a little bit weird not seeing DWreck act like that at all with little Izzy. I'm hoping Jinger's getting out of the compound has shown Jessa that she has a chance at a somewhat normal family life too. 

[Georgiana]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

I don't doubt that Cathy's health problems had a huge effect on Derick, but I was under the impression that her diagnosis was rather sudden and happened after Jill and Derick were already courting or engaged. I'm not 100% sure... anyone know?

I'm not sure either, but she was already in the hospital shortly after they got engaged, so I'd imagine that her health had been a concern for some time before that...though you never know especially with someone so young and she may not have had a formal diagnosis until later.  Some articles written around the time of the wedding say she's been battling cancer "in/over the last year", though understandably no dates are given for when she was diagnosed.  

I found an article from the school paper about Derick's dad dying and how he threw himself into becoming Pistol Pete in his memory.  It seems that Derick may process grief or stress or impending loss by throwing himself into those things that matter to the person he is losing as a way to keep a part of their presence in his life.  He also expressed his grief at missing the chance to tell his dad about his plans to audition.  That made me wonder if the Duggar connection was his mom's "Pistol Pete", and that possibly he was determined not to miss the opportunity to share the experience with her like he did his dad.

 I'll link the article in case people are curious:

http://www.ocolly.com/news/article_89ac77ea-7016-51f7-819d-a6570a37b33f.html

 

@Lurky, thank you for the compliment!  You made me blush!

[lomo6]

2 hours ago, Georgiana said:

The smart ones are the ones that just rush into kids, in my anecdotal experience.  They now have kids they love and wonderful memories with their parents.  But none of the marrieds who rushed things have lasted.  And I wonder if Derick, now that Cathy's health has improved, regrets his decisions.  

That's interesting. Totally anecdotal, but the one wedding I've been to that resulted in a divorce about 2 years later involved a bride whose father had been given a terminal diagnosis, and they went from casually dating to married in about a year in their mid-20s (not a common timeline in my part of the country).  And then the one person I know who decided to have kids right after the sudden death of her father - she and her husband are still together many years later and seemingly very happy. 

[Jinder Roles]

A lot of us on FJ seem to think Derick is 'hiding something', but I disagree (until evidence points otherwise).

To us, his transphobia must be because of some cognitive dissonance because it seems irrational and excessive. But fundies were all bread to be transphobic, homophobic and generally to confine to a very narrow-minded WASPY worldview. 

There's isn't anything uniquely heinous about Derick's tweets. He's just voicing his fundie beliefs, which he feels obligated to do. Jeremy does the same (albeit with more charm and savvy). This is probably what they all believe. 

I think I was one of the few who never thought Derick would pull Jill away from the cult. He was JimBoob's prayer partner for 2 years. He probably spoke intimately with JB about his goals, beliefs and 'ministry'. And he was the first potential mate for Boob's daughters. He was carefully vetted and approved. Plus, Cathy Dillard has been tweeting bat-shit fundie-lite ideology for years. That was a dead giveaway to me. 

I think we're now doing the same thing with Jeremy that many did with Derick. Again, I think Jeremy will prove he's not really deviating from core fundie-principles. Just watch his sermons. Look at this father's preaching on womanhood, masculinity and marriage. 

Actually, I think he's more dangerous than Derick because he's charming, more socially perceptive and knows how to blend into mainstream. IMO, Jeremy is the poster child of fundie evolution. 

[EmmyJay]

 Was it an article or a comment somewhere? I could see someone speculating because he made that comment about cutting his manbun because it gives off "the wrong impression" or whatever it was he said. 
I wish a reporter would interview his OSU classmates.  

It was an actual article/blog post about them leaving Central America.

[Lurky]

27 minutes ago, Jinder Roles said:

Actually, I think he's more dangerous than Derick because he's charming, more socially perceptive and knows how to blend into mainstream. IMO, Jeremy is the poster child of fundie evolution. 

I am amazed at how many FJers look at Jeremy and say "oh, he's not really Fundy" when his own church runs super-harmful, unscientific "de-gaying" "therapy" bullshit, and his sermons that are filmed and put online, are full of the usual patriarchal bullshit. Yeah, a glass of wine is ok for him, and he's ok with trousers, but that's just superficial, and there's no evidence to show he's got any different beliefs to Derick - he's just better at social media.

[Georgiana]

Just now, Lurky said:

I am amazed at how many FJers look at Jeremy and say "oh, he's not really Fundy" when his own church runs super-harmful, unscientific "de-gaying" "therapy" bullshit, and his sermons that are filmed and put online, are full of the usual patriarchal bullshit. Yeah, a glass of wine is ok for him, and he's ok with trousers, but that's just superficial, and there's no evidence to show he's got any different beliefs to Derick - he's just better at social media.

Jeremy was a former pro athlete.  Not for long, not prominently, etc. etc. BUT this isn't his first go at maintaining a public persona.  Jeremy has at least some experience in cultivating the public, presenting himself favorably in the media, etc.  Many pro sports teams offer their athletes resources on learning how to manage an image.  If not, they generally encourage their athletes to seek out PR resources.  

Jeremy was less thrown into this than the other Duggar spouses, IMO.  He at least had a taste of being a public figure, and sought that experience out again with Jinger.  It's no surprise to me at all that he's suaver in how he presents himself.  For better or worse, I think it's all very calculated.  He "gets it". He has a better idea of what he is doing. He knows how to use his image as a tool.

That's why I think he pings some alarm bells in people, because as clean as his image is, it does come off as being more calculated than genuine.  I don't dislike Jeremy, though he dislikes me and my religion.  But I don't trust the image he presents.  It's as real as reality TV.