Dillards 41: Chocolate, Cheese, and Other Things More Interesting

[EmmieJ]

17 minutes ago, AnnEggBlandHer? said:

On the baby gear discussion...yes there is a lot of stuff, no you don't need it all, and everyone will tell you their must-haves and their never-used list, and they will all be different. Put me in the camp of no mittens, no wipe warmer, and gasp--no rock and play. You'll get stuff you'll never end up using, and you'll send your partner to the store in a frantic rush to buy xyz that you didn't think you needed but must have right now. Just do your best and trust your instincts, and congratulations!

It's been almost 20 years since I had a newborn.  What I really used and appreciated:  Diaper Genie, burp clothes, two receiving blankets bordered with a silky material, and onesies.  The blankets became my son's security blankets and he loved the soft silky borders.

[Clairice]

My daughters nails were really long when she was born so I decided to trim them ,big mistake! Lots of blood and a tearful me meant that she wore those mittens for a good few weeks afterwards.

[MiddleAgedLady]

I wonder if this baby wants to suck his thumb? Do you suppose this is why he always has the mittens on? Is Gotthard against thumb Sucking? 

[Chewing Gum]

58 minutes ago, MiddleAgedLady said:

I wonder if this baby wants to suck his thumb? Do you suppose this is why he always has the mittens on? Is Gotthard against thumb Sucking? 

Most babies don't start to suck their thumb untill they're a few months old at least. 

[singsingsing]

34 minutes ago, Chewing Gum said:

Most babies don't start to suck their thumb untill they're a few months old at least. 

Don't babies suck their thumb in the womb?

[Marly]

I followed the link someone in this thread posted towards the Farmgirls website, and what struck me is that one of these sisters (Susannah) is actually living away from home to study and train at a real college to become a certified midwife. If these fundy sisters, whose dresscode shows an even stricter adherence to scripture than the Duggars', have/are allowed the opportunity to actually get a recognized certificate in an area that Jill (claims to be)/is interested in too, then what is stopping Jill (and other homeschool-stuck fundy women for that matter) from getting such an education as well? 
These sisters show that being fundy does not prevent one from being able to pursue a certified profession, and also that there are fundy parents who understand that allowing your children to pursue a college education does not mean giving up god in favor of the devil.
I am actually really happy to read about a fundy girl attending college. It also makes me think that the Duggars are even more close minded than I thought (and I didn't think that possible), and that Jill, while claiming she is/wants to be a midwife, is remaining willfully ignorant and un-certified in this area.

[Lurky]

@Marly The Seven Sisters are far more strict than the Duggars in dress etc, but they have 1 away from home at college, and another one loves to pilot planes, and they were very active in 4H or Young Farmers or whatever it is, and the County Fair etc. 

(I guess this also links to the arguments that we can't tell the values by the dress, because the Seven Sisters are all about the matching frumpers and headcoverings, but they have a lot more freedom than the Bateses and definitely the Duggars)

[Palimpsest]

4 hours ago, Marly said:

I am actually really happy to read about a fundy girl attending college.

I have a really soft spot for the 7 Farmgirl Sisters.

It comes back to "all Gothardites are Fundie but not all Fundies are Gothardite. " And that you can't judge the degree of extreme Fundamentalism by the way they dress. 

The 7 Sisters are certainly Fundie and personally "convicted" to wear head coverings and skirts but they are not IBLP and Gothard followers.  And their family is neither isolated nor uneducated.  Some Fundies value education far more than others.  Many Vision Forum followers allowed their children to attend colleges, some of them even attend accredited colleges!

Gothard strongly discouraged education beyond what he provided through IBLP and its spin-off institutions.  The Duggars seem even more anti-higher education than many other Gothardites, possibly because Jim Bob and Michelle only have high school diplomas.

[allybug47]

My daughter wore the mittens for a few weeks, but she was (and is) a big baby so they didn't fit for long. I cut her nails one night and clipped the end of her finger... I felt awful. A friend recommended these and they are amazing. Worth the money. 

Fridababy NailFrida the SnipperClipper Set https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01644OCVS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_OcwVzbTV7D6VA

[lomo6]

@Marly It seems likely that Jim Bob - despite his "aw shucks" demeanor - is an extraordinarily controlling parent. I think we can never discount how much the TLC money has enhanced his ability to keep his adult children under his thumb. They have minimal incentive to strive for independence. 

I have seen similar dynamics play out with one of my friends whose parents are very controlling (no religious element though) and extraordinarily wealthy. Their money makes it super easy to say "you do X and Y, we pay for your house" etc. Without the money, it would be easier to break free (although I recognize that might not always be true psychologically). The one sibling in the family who has managed to become independent happens to 1) be very strong-willed personality-wise, 2) have experienced significant early career success (i.e. making money) and 3) married someone in a lucrative profession.  The other two are stuck in a cycle of dependence and resentment, even though they are married and in their 30s.

[HarryPotterFan]

On 9/15/2017 at 11:36 AM, VelociRapture said:

Of all the incredibly valid things our non-American posters (I'm guessing they're international, but could be wrong) can criticize us for, they go for baby mittens. 

I know! There's a plethora of things to choose from! I'll start: the president...

[Jenn The Heathen]

@allybug47I did that to my oldest son and from that point on, I refused to cut his and eventually #2's.  Fortunately my husband was good at it and just always did it.  Even now that they're school age, it makes me nervous!

[Four is Enough]

My grandmother, ever the superstitious woman,  told my mother that she should bite every baby's fingernails until they were a year old, so that they would not become thieves.

[CorruptionInc.]

On 16/09/2017 at 10:45 PM, Marly said:

I followed the link someone in this thread posted towards the Farmgirls website, and what struck me is that one of these sisters (Susannah) is actually living away from home to study and train at a real college to become a certified midwife. If these fundy sisters, whose dresscode shows an even stricter adherence to scripture than the Duggars', have/are allowed the opportunity to actually get a recognized certificate in an area that Jill (claims to be)/is interested in too, then what is stopping Jill (and other homeschool-stuck fundy women for that matter) from getting such an education as well? 

Because Jill's purpose in life is solely to be a mother...

[Evangeline]

I think it's possible Jill would have done OK on the mission field if she hadn't been brainwashed to have as many babies as possible. But, since that's what she's going to do, she was always going to be mostly stuck at home while Dumbass was off doing all the saving. Quiverful beliefs and the missionary lifestyle don't go together very well, and I remember back when fundies understood that. The ones with a billion kids stayed home because it was obvious they couldn't properly care for and educate that many children in a foreign country with no assistance AND also do the Lord's work. Also, nobody wanted to subsidize a family of 15 in which only ONE member is doing mission work. This is why it stuns me that anyone supports John Shrader. Esther is obviously made of sterner stuff than Jill, but still. This isn't a successful model. 

[adidas]

I'm not American and my babies wore mittens. No judging from me! Their tiny nails were like raptor claws and they scratched to their face awfully if the mittens were off. I tried clipping their nails and it made no difference. I'd rather have their hands in mittens than have it look like they crawled through barbed wire during heir first days of life.

[Inky]

I really think Jill went into mission work with rose-coloured glasses on. I remember watching the episodes where they went to some foreign country or another and handed out bible tracts, played a few games with the kids, went hiking in their flip-flops,  and moved on. No doubt there was sight-seeing built into their "mission" work. I never saw the Duggars do anything that is real hard work, like building schools (if you did see them doing something it looked like a photo-op for TLC not actual work).

I also think she had no idea that people would call them out on what they weren't doing in central America, and asking for donations, then using them to fly home to mommy  & daddy for yet another extended vacation (or wedding, or birthday etc.)

Even Derek seems to have been blind-sided by what the actual expectations were from SOS ministries (re learning the language). 

[mango_fandango]

I had mittens (I think) at one point because I had eczema (still do) and used to scratch my shoulders/whatever other bit I could reach. I'm on this other forum (parenting one even though I'm not a parent LOL) and whenever someone posts asking about baby essentials, everyone suggests muslins as a big thing. 

[lomo6]

Lots of young inexperienced people go into all kinds of things with rose-tinted glasses - entering different professions, studying or living abroad, moving to a "dream city," getting into their first serious relationship, etc. The difference is that by being young and unattached (or at least not yet parents), there are fewer consequences and broken promises when they realize they made a mistake. 

In Jill's case, she was expected to adjust to living abroad for the first time (in a rural area with a high crime rate, no less) while also being a first-time mother. Not to mention that this was the first time she had ever lived more than a few miles from her family of origin. That requires an unusually high level of resilience.

It might have been different if they had waited a year to get pregnant, and spent that child-free year on the mission with Derick, able to fully participate and not feel frightened for the safety of her newborn child...but obviously that did not occur. Just another example of how insane it is that in this culture, marriage transforms stay-at-home children with no autonomy into full-fledged adults overnight.

Also, I'm not of the mind that one should drop all other priorities upon becoming a parent, but I do think there's a reason that most responsible people try to do things like travel, live abroad, try out different careers before having kids. A lot of doors close once you have dependents.

[twoarrows]

Re: Mittens

I never used them with my first, and didn't have a problem until one day she randomly scratched her own cheek. It only bled a little, but she's 3 now and still has a scar!

[karen77]

On 9/15/2017 at 8:36 AM, VelociRapture said:

 

@EternalbluepearlI say get a pack just in case. They aren't expensive, you don't need to use the if you don't need to, and you're likely not going to want to run out to the store to get some if you do need them. 

Also, congratulations!!! I'd also recommend at least one pair of fitted sheets, as well as a pair of waterproof mattress pads - that way you don't have to immediately do laundry if there's an accident. I also found my baby carrier really helpful the first few months. Velocibaby really loved being cuddled up on my chest, which made it a bit tough to do stuff at times. The carrier freed up my arms while allowing her head contact with my skin (I wore low cut shirts.) So that's something to think about. 

 

Get at least two fitted sheets and two waterproof mattress pads (I do this for my toddler age beds too). layer!! put down a WP mattress pad with a sheet over it and then another WP pad with a sheet over, then in the middle of the night all you do is pull off the two layers, it's a total time saver (and crib changes is are a major PITA)

[Kleine Vampirin]

Scotland calling on the mittens discussion. I had mittens when I was a baby, but apparently knawed my way through in a few days.

This also dampened my Gran's knitting tendencies to the extent that we found my half-knitted baby cardigans shoved in the back of a cupboard following her death many, many, many happy decades later. 

Clearly tiny Vampirin from birth.

[llg1234]

Did we ever talk about the latest thing Dewreck retweeted? That entire account is disgusting as well.

[singsingsing]

Derick absolutely disgusts me. I can't believe Jill has to be married to this hypocritical, arrogant, obnoxious twit. 

Is this your testimony, Derick? Is this how you're winning souls? Where is the love of Christ in you? The fruit of the Holy Spirit? I see nothing but anger, pride, and hate. Shame on you! 

Maybe Jeremy can lend him 'The Prodigal God' by Tim Keller. I think Derick needs it. He's a total 'older brother'. Derick, heed the warning from your favourite book of the Bible to use and abuse, Proverbs: Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

[nickelodeon]

Another week, another shot at trans kids from this repulsive little scrote.