Dillards 41: Chocolate, Cheese, and Other Things More Interesting

[Gobbles]

RE mittens: I haven't seen them here in Germany, so I just took a look at some online stores. H&M doesn't sell mittens and I haven't found bodys with those build in ones either. Next a baby only store that is well known here: Same here, no mittens, no special clothing. Only the normal snow mittens. And a third one, a department store: Same as the other twos.

This is interesting.  

 

[MamaJunebug]

10 hours ago, Rio said:

My grandmother was aghast at my baby shower and said, "We had babies without all this STUFF!"

I said the same thing when I accompanied the first JuniorJB into Babies R Us - until I saw the wet wipe warmer!!!!! Now, THAT makes SENSE!!! 

[VelociRapture]

2 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Well how hard is it to cut some fingernails? lol Use little scissors when they're asleep. They feel nothing. Easy. 

My child is a light sleeper. She feels us holding her hand, she wakes up, and she starts flailing like crazy. She had a few bad scratch marks on her face in her first few months of life and once or twice it was right after we had just trimmed them. Once she woke us up in the middle of the night screaming hysterically. She had scratched herself in her sleep and she drew blood that time. 

I also constantly have scratches on my face, chest, and upper arms now. We trim her nails as often as possible, but they're just sharp and leave marks regardless. We never really used the mittens because I just forgot about them and we simply used the flaps on the arms instead, but if that's what's going on with Sam (and previously Izzy) then I don't blame them for using mittens. 

@EternalbluepearlI say get a pack just in case. They aren't expensive, you don't need to use the if you don't need to, and you're likely not going to want to run out to the store to get some if you do need them. 

Also, congratulations!!! I'd also recommend at least one pair of fitted sheets, as well as a pair of waterproof mattress pads - that way you don't have to immediately do laundry if there's an accident. I also found my baby carrier really helpful the first few months. Velocibaby really loved being cuddled up on my chest, which made it a bit tough to do stuff at times. The carrier freed up my arms while allowing her head contact with my skin (I wore low cut shirts.) So that's something to think about. 

(Otherwise I have no advice because every kid and every parent is different. Trust your instincts. If you don't think something would be helpful for you then don't feel obligated to get it and vice versa. Just be sure you have things to keep Baby Blue warm, fed, clean, and safe.)

5 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

Deleted the old content because I just couldn't articulate what I think in the right way.

by the way: can I just delete a post?

No. You can edit posts for a certain amount of time (I believe an hour), but posts are not deleted on here. 

@singsingsingThank you for that! The states are far from perfect (seriously), but it gets really old really fast how quickly these discussions can turn into a "Shit all over the stupid Americans" contest.

Of all the incredibly valid things our non-American posters (I'm guessing they're international, but could be wrong) can criticize us for, they go for baby mittens. 

[Chewing Gum]

14 minutes ago, Gobbles said:

RE mittens: I haven't seen them here in Germany, so I just took a look at some online stores. H&M doesn't sell mittens and I haven't found bodys with those build in ones either. Next a baby only store that is well known here: Same here, no mittens, no special clothing. Only the normal snow mittens. And a third one, a department store: Same as the other twos.

This is interesting.  

 

It's just not a custom as it is in the US, we don't have easy access to them either (Holland). 

@Eternalbluepearl please do keeping mind that the recommendation (here at least) is to NOT cut your baby's nails untill they're 6 weeks old because the nails aren't hardened yet and tear easily. That sounds awful and it is. 

[AtlanticTug]

4 minutes ago, Chewing Gum said:

 

@Eternalbluepearl please do keeping mind that the recommendation (here at least) is to NOT cut your baby's nails untill they're 6 weeks old because the nails aren't hardened yet and tear easily. That sounds awful and it is. 

Not only is that not a recommendation here but the pediatrician actively encouraged me to cut (or bite!) off my newborn's nails as they were long and he was scratching around his eyes.

[CoveredInBees]

@AtlanticTug I was also told to bite them instead of using clippers. Something to do with being less likely to hurt them accidentally because your mouth is more sensitive (I've phrased that badly but I know what I mean  ) 

[candygirl200413]

Is their nails then really soft? @CoveredInBees cause obviously when you do it on yourself it can be hard sometimes cause they are tougher.

 

[Ms Lucy Fur]

22 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

I hope Derick realized that was a joke....nah, he's an idiot. He probably didn't.

#StraightOuttaDuggarCult 

Spoiler

 

Reminds me of this

[Californiacicle]

On 9/11/2017 at 3:08 PM, PennySycamore said:

It's interesting that none other than James Dobson said in his bookPreparing for Adolescence  that masturbation was not a big deal and cautioned parents not to make it so.

Believe it or not that's how 11 year old me even learned about masturbation in the first place. Thanks Dr. Dobson

[EmmyJay]

My personal hope is that Jill went off on derrick while on the pain medicine and told him how awful she's been feeling and such. Maybe his behavior is because she let him have it and her family backed her up.

[Chewing Gum]

1 hour ago, AtlanticTug said:

Not only is that not a recommendation here but the pediatrician actively encouraged me to cut (or bite!) off my newborn's nails as they were long and he was scratching around his eyes.

Wow. Our home-nurse (another great thing about postpartum care in the Netherlands) had never cut a baby's nails and was nervous as hell. My child was around baby #175 for her. We did decide to cut them cause I and baby disliked mittens and she was an almost 42 weeks baby with loooong nails. 

[Buzzard]

2 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

Okay this is a timely topic! Can I ask your advice? I've never had kids before and I'm putting together a registry for my first. I was going to register for a pair of those mittens, but then I read that the sensory input of baby's being able to touch with their hands in their first days is very important since they had unlimited access to their hands in the womb and that makes sense to me. So just cut or file the nails and skip the mittens is my plan. Do you parents think I should have a pair just in case? I realize I could probably use a pair of socks if I felt like I needed to.

My baby had his right hand on his face in EVERY ultrasound picture.  When he was born he had his right hand even in his mouth or on his face all the time.  He still chews on it and he's almost 7 months old. He does have evil little claws, but a lighted nail clipper helped a lot. 

https://www.amazon.com/Safety-1st-Sleepy-Clipper-Built/dp/B008DIYAE8/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1505494899&sr=8-2&keywords=lighted+baby+nail+clippers

You need this, no matter what else you get - you MUST get this

https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Premium-Sleeper-Smart-Connect/dp/B01LAEMHVO/ref=sr_1_3_s_it?s=baby-products&ie=UTF8&qid=1505495926&sr=1-3&keywords=rock+n+play+auto+rocker

[AtlanticTug]

48 minutes ago, Chewing Gum said:

Wow. Our home-nurse (another great thing about postpartum care in the Netherlands) had never cut a baby's nails and was nervous as hell. My child was around baby #175 for her. We did decide to cut them cause I and baby disliked mittens and she was an almost 42 weeks baby with loooong nails. 

There is no way I could let my son go 42 days without cutting his nails! Would be super unsafe. He was born with really long nails as is. Given how soft the nails are, you are actually much more likely to tear them and cause damage than if you cut them.

[CoveredInBees]

2 hours ago, candygirl200413 said:

Is their nails then really soft? @CoveredInBees cause obviously when you do it on yourself it can be hard sometimes cause they are tougher.

 

I wouldn't say 'soft' but incredibly small and thinner than adult nails. 

[Chewing Gum]

Especially thinner. It's like a small layer of super flexible skin. 

[Lurky]

Wait, Derick is saying begging in the fall is bad?  Has he no self-awareness?

I'm on team "both Derick and Jill are victims of JB" re Jill and missionary work.  I think she really and truly believed she'd love a missionary life, because she'd been on so many "missions trips" and genuinely believed doing them Duggar-way was what they were like, and her parents obviously told her she was great at it.  Derick being a missionary in Nepal was a big part of his draw, and she and he both believed it when she said that's what she wanted.

I've said this before, but before letting her marry someone who wanted to be a missionary overseas, JB should have sent Jill off on at least a month-long trip to stay with actual missionaries (NOT a group trip) and see if she really could hack it.  But then he could also have got her proper education and training so she had skills that would be actually useful in the mission field.

But I do feel for them both, because it seems like what Derick wants, to be overseas, and what Jill wants, to be at home near the wider family, are completely incompatible.  Unless they go for an Anderson-esque solution, where Dereck swans around the world being obnoxious, and Jill stays put.

[SassyPants]

Unless you're planning on a Duggar sized fam...scratch that, Army for Jesus, most parents don't need all those high priced baby gadgets. Babyhood is literally months before those critters are on the move. Save your money, space and sanity, and keep those rockers, swingers, jumpers and vibrating seats to the bare minimum...or better yet, borrow (reduce, reuse, recycle).

[singsingsing]

I place a lot more blame on Derick, though. He was an adult man with a university degree who had lived independently for many years. He came across as a friendly guy, dorky but in a cute way, and easily could have found a conservative missions-loving Christian girl to marry. Instead he chose a sheltered fundie girl set up with him by her father, with no education, who had never lived independently, and who had never been on an extended mission trip. Like @Lurky said, JB should have seen to it that Jill experienced at least one longer mission trip before committing herself for life to a man who wanted to be a missionary overseas. And if Derick hadn't rushed into marriage with her, they both might have had time to realize that they weren't actually on the same page. Maybe they still would've gotten married, but they would have understood the compromises they were making going into it.

[Lurky]

11 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I place a lot more blame on Derick, though. He was an adult man with a university degree who had lived independently for many years. He came across as a friendly guy, dorky but in a cute way, and easily could have found a conservative missions-loving Christian girl to marry. Instead he chose a sheltered fundie girl set up with him by her father, with no education, who had never lived independently, and who had never been on an extended mission trip.

I agree with this, up to a point, BUT both Jill and JB were telling Derick what a heart Jill had for missions, how she really wanted that to be her life etc etc, and it can be really difficult to question that, especially when JB was set up as a senior Christian and leader. 

I can't really see how that conversation would go, either, in the context of supervised conversations with the parents listening in.  No way to say 'I know your parents have said you've been on a lot of missions trips, but they don't really know what they're talking about".

But what's interesting to me is that Jinger went on a group missioncation with Jeremy, before they started courting, and Joe and Kendra went on one before they were married, so I do wonder if JB has decided has learned from Jill and Derick.  Of course, it's nowhere near actually living and working overseas, but they get to see each other in a different context.  I don't think it would make much material difference, but I hope it's the thin end of a wedge, and it is definitely better than nothing.

[singsingsing]

5 minutes ago, Lurky said:

I agree with this, up to a point, BUT both Jill and JB were telling Derick what a heart Jill had for missions, how she really wanted that to be her life etc etc, and it can be really difficult to question that, especially when JB was set up as a senior Christian and leader. 

I can't really see how that conversation would go, either, in the context of supervised conversations with the parents listening in.  No way to say 'I know your parents have said you've been on a lot of missions trips, but they don't really know what they're talking about".

I guess this really comes down to Derick choosing to pursue a sheltered fundamentalist woman when he could have dated normal conservative Christians and actually got to know them before getting hitched. Jill was raised in that insanity, Derick was not. He shouldn't have taken Jim Bob's word as gospel. He should have had the presence of mind to think, "Hey, I'm going to have to be married to this woman for the rest of my life and have 10+ children with her. Maybe I should make sure I really know her before I propose.) But I think he was a starstruck, somewhat naive, overzealous young man who desperately wanted to belong to a big happy family. He thought he hit the jackpot when JB offered Jill, so he just didn't bother to question it. That's the problem with telling people that God has made another human being specifically for them. 

[lomo6]

@Lurky @singsingsing

I wouldn't be surprised if Derick bought into the whole headship garbage and thought that Jill would get used to whatever he told her to get used to. The fact that she was interested in missionary work was all he needed to go full speed ahead. He didn't think of her as an independent person with complex needs, desires, and goals.

Obviously he miscalculated, especially as Jill always came off as quite sensitive and a bit needy. But I doubt Derick was ever attuned to that, and I'm sure she was on her best behavior during their short courtship, whereas these things would have come out in the course of a more normal early 20s relationship - all of Derick's obliviousness and insensitivity withstanding. 

In a weird way, I can actually imagine Jessa or Joy adapting to mission life better because they seem more emotionally resilient and independent.  

[VelociRapture]

53 minutes ago, Lurky said:

But what's interesting to me is that Jinger went on a group missioncation with Jeremy, before they started courting, and Joe and Kendra went on one before they were married, so I do wonder if JB has decided has learned from Jill and Derick.  

They didn't learn. I believe the Duggars usually do their SCA mission trips in December. Derive didn't return to the states from Nepal until January 2014, meaning he still had a month left of his mission trip and wasn't around to travel with them if they went that year. He could have gone on the trip that Ben went on to SCA with Jessa and some of the Duggars in 2014, but that wouldn't have helped. He was already married to Jill at that point. 

Unlike Derick (and like Ben), Jeremy and Kendra were both in the country and apparently were able to schedule around any other commitments they may have had. 

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

6 hours ago, ThunderRolls said:

Most of these types of gowns (and a lot of newborn and 3m size clothing in general) have flaps on the sleeve openings which you can tuck down to keep the baby's hands inside so they can't scratch themselves. Truthfully, you probably won't need to use the flaps or mittens for long, but they're nice to have in the first few weeks. 

 

5 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

We never really used the mittens because I just forgot about them and we simply used the flaps on the arms instead, but if that's what's going on with Sam (and previously Izzy) then I don't blame them for using mittens. 

I'm glad someone brought up the flaps on long sleeves. I never had mittens for my babies, but several of my firstborn's undershirts and "sleep and play" outfits had built-in flaps. It was a real help; she was really prone to scratching herself. Fortunately, my second child (born in warmer weather, so no long sleeves) wasn't prone to scratching. One big plus is that the flaps can't get lost, even if the baby uncovers her hands.

[aurora_boo]

6 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

 I realize I could probably use a pair of socks if I felt like I needed to.

Up until we were about 10 my Mum would make us wear socks on our hands if we lost our gloves. Socks are surprisingly good hand coverings for making snowballs(!) Eventually, the embarrassment of wearing socks on our hands helped us be more careful about not losing our gloves ;-) 

[AnnEggBlandHer?]

On the baby gear discussion...yes there is a lot of stuff, no you don't need it all, and everyone will tell you their must-haves and their never-used list, and they will all be different. Put me in the camp of no mittens, no wipe warmer, and gasp--no rock and play. You'll get stuff you'll never end up using, and you'll send your partner to the store in a frantic rush to buy xyz that you didn't think you needed but must have right now. Just do your best and trust your instincts, and congratulations!