Dillards 34: Finding Contentment

[MadeItOut]

On 14/07/2017 at 2:56 PM, sparklymagie said:

Thanks for all the reassurance.  My logic knows all this and that a c- section is my best choice, but my emotions are starting to knock on the door and say "you know, voluntary major surgery is pretty scary. "

For reasons I can't articulate, I'm also kind of sad at the thought of not going through labor (the c- section will be scheduled, obviously). I have no idea why, its not like labor is particularly pleasant, but I keep thinking I'll miss the anticipation  and build -up. Ehh, I don't  know. 

You are going to rock this!

I had a friend who said something similar & when we got down to it, she felt she was somehow less a mum for not labouring.

Not saying I'm assuming it's the same for you, but just in case it is, please know that's not the case. From what you've said it sounds like you are making the very best decision for you and that's perfect - and quite apart from medically sensible, it's also modelling for your children that Mummy is taking care of herself, her needs, and her health. That's a massively powerful thing that I reckon a lot of us struggle with to at least some degree.

Keep going. You're doing great.

[MadeItOut]

On 14/07/2017 at 11:49 PM, season of life said:

My blood pressure rises whenever people, especially women, dump on women for not having sex with their partners. 

The scary part is, as well as the same opinions, she could be pretty much the doppelganger of my former MIL too. Scary to think the US has another of her!

[MadeItOut]

7 hours ago, Daisy0322 said:

Yeah... I'm about to have my first in a few weeks and y'all are scaring me worse than my Tuesday night labor and delivery classes haha. 

You would have loved my old midwife then. She was away one of our classes and it was subbed by this great nit of a health visitor who terrified us. Her response was to take us aside and explain that some folks want to scare you into preparedness and some just enjoy it because they're weird. Then asked us if we really wanted to know what it's like. She gathered us round her in the kitchen and whispered: "Girls, what they won't tell you, is it's exactly like shitting a coconut". Then straightened herself up and said: "now, shall we get on".

2 hours ago, Dandruff said:

 

Conception might be a bit of a problem, though.

Some kind of timeshare arrangement perhaps?

[Gobsmacked]

6 hours ago, speller24 said:

What?! Did he write that? 

He actually did that. He took Debbi crabbing, in the dark on a shingle beach. Didn't give her time to unpack her shoes. Her feet were cut on the shingle. She then had to cook the crabs . He just slept. She cleared up, he slept. He then expected her to go back to bed etc..... Debbie collapsed in the shower and had to explain to him that she was exhausted. He was only interested in trying to beat his friends tally of ' how many times during the honeymoon' never mind the first night. He is a horrible specimen. 

[eveandadam]

This has probably been said before but  if I were Jinger I'm not sure I could resist and shove it into Jill's face that if she is unhappy she needs to work at her contentment and be happy with what God has given her. After humiliating Jinger on national TV I really don't think I could surpress my evil side. But meek Jinger would probably not dare to confront Jill, the golden child, like that.

[meee]

4 minutes ago, eveandadam said:

This has probably been said before but  if I were Jinger I'm not sure I could resist and shove it into Jill's face that if she is unhappy she needs to work at her contentment and be happy with what God has given her. After humiliating Jinger on national TV I really don't think I could surpress my evil side. But meek Jinger would probably not dare to confront Jill, the golden child, like that.

I keep thinking the same thing and wondering how I can say it in a way that isn't totally horrible.

[eveandadam]

2 minutes ago, meee said:

I keep thinking the same thing and wondering how I can say it in a way that isn't totally horrible.

Oh I'm sure there is  a "nice" way of saying it without overtly sounding horrible but what is acutally completely mean. Fundamentalist women are experts at that.

[singsingsing]

52 minutes ago, eveandadam said:

This has probably been said before but  if I were Jinger I'm not sure I could resist and shove it into Jill's face that if she is unhappy she needs to work at her contentment and be happy with what God has given her. After humiliating Jinger on national TV I really don't think I could surpress my evil side. But meek Jinger would probably not dare to confront Jill, the golden child, like that.

Jill was thoughtless and patronizing, but that would be truly cruel.

[nastyhobbitses]

17 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Jill was thoughtless and patronizing, but that would be truly cruel.

I agree. I think Jill's a Russian doll (Full. Of. Her. Self.), but I think that going "guess you should work on your contentment lol" to someone who might have legit postpartum depression/be at risk for it would be actually cruel. No matter how annoying and dickish Jill is, I don't think she deserves that.

[meee]

By the way, why do people here refer to Jill as the golden child? I would have thought that title would have gone to Jana as firstborn daughter and main sistermom or Miracle Josie, not random second daughter/fourth child.

[JMO]

28 minutes ago, meee said:

By the way, why do people here refer to Jill as the golden child? I would have thought that title would have gone to Jana as firstborn daughter and main sistermom or Miracle Josie, not random second daughter/fourth child.

During the wedding lead up and wedding special for Jill JB and M went on and on about what a wonderful, sweet, obedient daughter she was that never gave them any trouble "my sweet Jillymuffin". The other kids basically confirmed that she was the favorite including a TH from Josh (!!) stating that Jill was the narc in the family that would tattle on her sibs ( so many more layers to that post scandal). 

[meee]

3 minutes ago, JMO said:

During the wedding lead up and wedding special for Jill JB and M went on and on about what a wonderful, sweet, obedient daughter she was that never gave them any trouble "my sweet Jillymuffin". The other kids basically confirmed that she was the favorite including a TH from Josh (!!) stating that Jill was the narc in the family that would tattle on her sibs ( so many more layers to that post scandal). 

Ah, I see. I only follow them here, I never watched the show, so I must have missed that. Thanks!

[Carm_88]

38 minutes ago, meee said:

By the way, why do people here refer to Jill as the golden child? I would have thought that title would have gone to Jana as firstborn daughter and main sistermom or Miracle Josie, not random second daughter/fourth child.

Jana was also said to be a tom boy and a trial by Michelle, so likely she needed a bit more training then Jill who is a people pleaser. 

[Jug Band Baby]

On 7/14/2017 at 3:34 AM, breakfree said:

You'd think so but these Dutch maternity nurses are godsends. They spend about 1 hour a day on medical checks of you and baby, sometimes more if breastfeeding support is needed or there  are other problems. The rest of the time they're essentially an invisible fairy who does what you want them to do.

Wow.  Meanwhile in America, we have no guaranteed paid leave from work, and a section of childfree people bitching about any potential assistance to women who've just given birth with the whine that if women can take off a few weeks after giving birth, they they should get to take off time when they want with pay too.  Their idiotic mindset and refusal to understand how "me"'ternity (I didn't make that up) isn't the same as maternity has helped force postpartum women back into the workforce as soon as a day or 2 after birth.  If you're not in the hospital and don't have disability in place, which not every woman in every state will qualify for, employers can fire you.  This just happened to a friend of mine who gave birth at the end of June.  She consulted an attorney already, but her firing for not going in the next Monday (no vacation time at her ex-workplace) was legal.  Saturday night baby, fired on Monday.

The taxpayers in this country would never go for maternity nurses.  We have a problem getting taxpayers here to all support basic medical care for all, and our government now ways to remove maternity care from something insurance has to cover at all while also cutting down the programs that help poor women see doctors while pregnant.  It's barbaric.

[eveandadam]

9 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

Jana was also said to be a tom boy and a trial by Michelle, so likely she needed a bit more training then Jill who is a people pleaser. 

I don't see Jill as  a people pleaser. She was just lucky to have the personality traits of the idea fundie girl without needing much training. To me Jill just seems to most self-absorbed of all the older girls, or: she is just the one who can't hide it as well as the others.

[Carm_88]

Just now, eveandadam said:

I don't see Jill as  a people pleaser. She was just lucky to have the personality traits of the idea fundie girl without needing much training. To me Jill just seems to most self-absorbed of all the older girls, or: she is just the one hiding it the worst.

She does have the traits of a fundie girl but I think if she didn't, she would have molded herself into the perfect fundie girl. Like how she is trying to mold herself into Derick's perfect wife, being happy on the mission even if she's not totally there. 

[Grimalkin]

    I feel bad for the poor girl to be honest. She must feel trapped.

[Daisy0322]

4 hours ago, MadeItOut said:

She gathered us round her in the kitchen and whispered: "Girls, what they won't tell you, is it's exactly like shitting a coconut". Then straightened herself up and said: "now, shall we get on".

I just laughed so hard my husband checked to see if I was crying or laughing. 

[Queen]

12 hours ago, HarryPotterFan said:

I'm currently trying to figure out how to implant my uterus into my future husband so he has to deal with pregnancy and child birth instead.

I swear, if Gothard would've been forced to go through endless pregnancies and childbirths himself, he would'nt have started the Quiverfull movement. 

Btw, I love your avatar! 

[SilverBeach]

2 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I agree. I think Jill's a Russian doll (Full. Of. Her. Self.), but I think that going "guess you should work on your contentment lol" to someone who might have legit postpartum depression/be at risk for it would be actually cruel. No matter how annoying and dickish Jill is, I don't think she deserves that.

I don't know...if one of her sisters was in her situation, you don't think she would spout that contentment crap? Perhaps she would not see her sisters being cruel at all. I never liked Jill and her sanctimonious way of interacting with her sisters, let alone being a narc. 

It is wonderful that Samuel did not suffer from his parents' stupidity with regards to zika.

 

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

1 hour ago, JMO said:

During the wedding lead up and wedding special for Jill JB and M went on and on about what a wonderful, sweet, obedient daughter she was that never gave them any trouble "my sweet Jillymuffin". The other kids basically confirmed that she was the favorite including a TH from Josh (!!) stating that Jill was the narc in the family that would tattle on her sibs ( so many more layers to that post scandal). 

I don't watch the show anymore, (just clips here and there) but in the 'old days,' it was always my impression that Josh was Michelle's favorite (remember how much she boo hooed when the Joshie's moved to DC area?) and Jilly-Muffin was Jim Bob's favorite.  If could have been editing but he shed far more tears about GIVING HER AWAY than all of the other girls combined, seemingly. Then there was Jill's icky clinginess and latching onto of Pops; her head on his shoulder at the used furniture auction prior to the wedding, etc.  Ew. Of course Josie was the Golden Miracle Child, but that was separate.  

[nastyhobbitses]

58 minutes ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

I don't watch the show anymore, (just clips here and there) but in the 'old days,' it was always my impression that Josh was Michelle's favorite (remember how much she boo hooed when the Joshie's moved to DC area?) and Jilly-Muffin was Jim Bob's favorite.  If could have been editing but he shed far more tears about GIVING HER AWAY than all of the other girls combined, seemingly. Then there was Jill's icky clinginess and latching onto of Pops; her head on his shoulder at the used furniture auction prior to the wedding, etc.  Ew. Of course Josie was the Golden Miracle Child, but that was separate.  

I got the sense that because Jill seems like the most outwardly fervently religious of the Duggar kids/invested in the Gothard doctrine (unlike Jinger and Josh), was the most obedient/compliant child (unlike Jessa and Jana until they broke her), and the most outgoing and TV-friendly (until Hippie Jesus made her dead inside), she was basically JB and Michelle's poster child in the ways Josh couldn't be. Let's face it: Josh didn't win the genetic lottery for looks, while Jill is very pretty. Josh didn't have that perky enthusiasm that Jill has/had. Jill was going to be the standard-bearer for the Duggar brand, and her parents knew that because she's so eager to please and obedient/mainlining the Kool-Aid, they could exploit that.

I also got the sense that Jill took her golden child status very much to heart, which is how she became so haughty and condescending. And in a lot of ways, I can't blame her. Being a sanctimonious tattle-tale earned her brownie points and attention from her parents who otherwise thought of her as a number, and gave her power in a social system that wants her to be powerless. Being loud and outgoing got her noticed by the media.

But now I think she's starting to see that following all the rules and do what mommy and daddy and the TV execs and your husband tell you to do won't protect you from misfortune. I fear that she'll just chalk it up to sinning somehow and not just the world being unfair sometimes, but maybe she'll get some perspective. And actual help. But I doubt it.

[Palimpsest]

1 hour ago, Queen said:

if Gothard would've been forced to go through endless pregnancies and childbirths himself, he would'nt have started the Quiverfull movement. 

He didn't.  He just glommed onto it when he was developing IBLP and ATI.  

Quiverfull goes well beyond IBLP and reaches into many extreme Christian Patriarchal groups.  Not all Fundies are Quiverfull but all Quiverfull probably count as Fundies breeding arrows for World Dominion.  In fact, women like Mary Pride and the unspeakable Nancy Campbell led the charge.

More info here: https://www.thenation.com/article/arrows-war/

[JillyO]

2 hours ago, Jug Band Baby said:

Wow.  Meanwhile in America, we have no guaranteed paid leave from work, and a section of childfree people bitching about any potential assistance to women who've just given birth with the whine that if women can take off a few weeks after giving birth, they they should get to take off time when they want with pay too.  Their idiotic mindset and refusal to understand how "me"'ternity (I didn't make that up) isn't the same as maternity has helped force postpartum women back into the workforce as soon as a day or 2 after birth.  If you're not in the hospital and don't have disability in place, which not every woman in every state will qualify for, employers can fire you.  This just happened to a friend of mine who gave birth at the end of June.  She consulted an attorney already, but her firing for not going in the next Monday (no vacation time at her ex-workplace) was legal.  Saturday night baby, fired on Monday.

The taxpayers in this country would never go for maternity nurses.  We have a problem getting taxpayers here to all support basic medical care for all, and our government now ways to remove maternity care from something insurance has to cover at all while also cutting down the programs that help poor women see doctors while pregnant.  It's barbaric.

Okay, now I'm seriously confused. I know that maternity leave in the US is horrible and absolutely shameful, but I was always under the impression that new mothers had at least the right to take twelve weeks of unpaid maternity leave (how fucking sad is that?!) So I don't understand how it was legal to fire your friend two days post-partum.

[candygirl200413]

I believe there are loopholes within those laws that can still allow employers to fire woman cause of it sadly.