Dillards 34: Finding Contentment

[zygote373]

8 minutes ago, JillyO said:

Okay, now I'm seriously confused. I know that maternity leave in the US is horrible and absolutely shameful, but I was always under the impression that new mothers had at least the right to take twelve weeks of unpaid maternity leave (how fucking sad is that?!) So I don't understand how it was legal to fire your friend two days post-partum.

I wondered that too, but there are exceptions to the federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that gives everyone 12 weeks of leave. For example, if she worked for a company with under 50 employees or worked part time. It's fucked. up.

[breakfree]

2 minutes ago, zygote373 said:

I wondered that too, but there are exceptions to the federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that gives everyone 12 weeks of leave. For example, if she worked for a company with under 50 employees or worked part time. It's fucked. up.

Or worked there less than a year. That's a big one.

Also all 12 weeks are unpaid. Many women can't afford it even if it is 'guaranteed' to them and are forced for financial reasons to go back to work ASAP, especially if they lack a partner or have a partner who has the misfortune to be currently unemployed or not be making enough to support a family of 3+ for 3 months.

[Daisy0322]

27 minutes ago, candygirl200413 said:

I believe there are loopholes within those laws that can still allow employers to fire woman cause of it sadly.

Yes my contract ended while I'm still on bed rest and it's been made very clear they are doing me a favor by letting me come back once he's born even though I had already signed a continuation contract prior to any medical issues. The only thing that saved me was my continuation was day shift and I was leaving nights. Thecday shift manager is a little more family oriented as opposed to the night shift who asked if it was a mistake in front of a room full of people and later told me how mothers were bad employees because they put their kids before their job. 

[JenniferJuniper]

26 minutes ago, breakfree said:

Or worked there less than a year. That's a big one.

Also all 12 weeks are unpaid. Many women can't afford it even if it is 'guaranteed' to them and are forced for financial reasons to go back to work ASAP, especially if they lack a partner or have a partner who has the misfortune to be currently unemployed or not be making enough to support a family of 3+ for 3 months.

Yes.  As many employers don't provide much more than 2 or 3 weeks vacation time at most and if you're lucky a week or two paid of sick time, most pregnant women I know can't afford to take more than 6 weeks off after using all of their paid time off.  If that.  If you had a surprise baby late in the year and took most of your time off early in the year you could be facing zero paid time off.  I've seen women return a week after giving birth.

Many Americans also don't realize that unless these is a specific federal law or state statute that applies to your specific situation, your employer can fire you because he doesn't like the color of the blouse you wore on Tuesday.  Large employers will find ways to discriminate against older people or people of color.  And most people can't afford to hire an attorney anyway as most lawyers won't take employment discrimination cases on contingency. 

[JillyO]

33 minutes ago, zygote373 said:

I wondered that too, but there are exceptions to the federal Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that gives everyone 12 weeks of leave. For example, if she worked for a company with under 50 employees or worked part time. It's fucked. up.

Are you serious? For FUCK's sake, America, get a grip!

Kidding. I know this is a complicated political issue and I'm preaching to the choir here.

[HarryPotterFan]

10 hours ago, Dandruff said:

Well, he has managed to screw things up for the rest of them, if that counts.

Conception might be a bit of a problem, though.

Hm, didn't think of that! Whoops!

 

2 hours ago, Queen said:

Btw, I love your avatar! 

Thanks!!  

[emscm]

There are one companies that allow you to purchase short term disability insurance. Some plans will cover maternity. However, you do need to have the plan in place for 10 months before the birth if I remember correctly from the one my district offers. So you really have to actually be planning to try for kids or risk spending the money on it all the time. Also if you give birth prematurely you run the risk of not having it help. It's a risk, but at least for women who have the option it's something. 

[SoSoNosy]

When my oldest was about two, I was looking for a new job; in those days it was totally legal for the hiring company to ask you if you planned to have more children,  I answered "yes".  My employment agency yelled at me for that; I was supposed to lie and say "no";I  didn't get the job because I had told the truth.  I didn't have another one until she was six.

A few months after I took over my late husband's company, one of the young women there had a total surprise baby (she is over 6' tall, and had no idea there was a  9 1/2# baby in there); she came back in two weeks simply because she wanted to, but I paid her for the time she was off and we passed the hat to get her some baby supplies. She was no longer with the baby's father, and as far as  I know, she hasn't  ever told him the child exists.

[Lurky]

Like @Grimalkin I also feel for Jill.  I dislike her, but I really feel for her.  She's the one of the older daughters who wanted to study, and was denied, and seems to genuinely believe it all, but is continually hurt by it.  She bought into being a sister-mom, she felt it was her duty to chide her sisters, she tried to be cheerful about not being able to study... She really believed her parents' bullshit, especially the bullshit that they were going on missions, and she wanted to be the best Christian she could be, in the context of their weird cult.

And now she's in this difficult situation because she followed their beliefs, and it's this struggle for her.  I hate that she was the one who helped her parents oppress her siblings - but she's the one it's all rebounded on most, and I really believe she thought she was doing what God wanted.  All those huge smiles that never met her eyes, and hiding to eat, and giving up her dreams because "women don't work", and now she's in a life that patently doesn't suit her, and the only advice from the cult is to "pray harder".

[SapphireSlytherin]

3 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Let's face it: Josh didn't win the genetic lottery for looks, while Jill is very pretty.

Meh. I think they're both just average. I think Jessa is beautiful, and Jinger is pretty.

3 hours ago, JillyO said:

twelve weeks of unpaid maternity leave

Depends on where they work. My coworker's wife works for an international company with a huge presence in my area; she got four months' paid leave, because that's what they offer in their "home" country. 

3 hours ago, breakfree said:

Also all 12 weeks are unpaid.

Unless the company offers short-term disability.

[2manyKidzzz]

I just wonder for Jill how it will be back in SCA with two small children and no help from her family. And then thee or four children. And more. Overwhelming.

And Jinjer won't have help like Jessa does. It will also be not what she expected or ever visualized, always having so many people around to help with a baby and avoid the solitude thing.

Just musing.

[VixenToast]

Jill isn't beautiful just on her facial features alone.... when she genuinely smiles, that is when her beauty shines through.  I think she only has good intentions in her heart, she is just ignorant and a parroting sycophant of her cult. I hope she's has an epiphany one day, and soon.

Also, still, no word on the Jilly Muffin and how she is doing post-natal?

[Shadoewolf]

Nothing on DFO, just b-day wishes for Meredith. The longer the silence, the more odd/wrong it feels.

[VelociRapture]

Maternity leave depends on a lot of factors. My cousin and her company's HR had to push to get her leave because she hadn't been with the company a full year (she was a month short.) My sister is a teacher and the HR person did a shitty job explaining leave policy to her. She gave birth expecting twelve weeks and found out a few days later she only had six - they guarantee six weeks and allow the employees to use their sick and vacation time for the rest. My sister had a tough time while pregnant and didn't have much leftover. So she went back at six weeks. 

I know another woman who had a worse situation though. She had their first child six weeks prematurely. Her company is massive and provides a nice maternity package for anyone there at least a full year. She missed out by just a few short weeks. Had the baby been born full-term she would have qualified - so she ended up with six weeks of leave, which included her baby's short NICU stay. 

(Leaving any six week old baby to return to work has to be tough, but a six week old who was born premature?! That's just cruel in my opinion. NICU parents have enough to deal with.)

[Glasgowghirl]

22 hours ago, Beermeet said:

Good grief.   I looked at the Jill picture on insta and read some comments.  Some are asking if it's true she had a hysterectomy.   Wtf!  Not cool.  I just wouldn't do that.  The speculation on here, she has to look for it.  On her or Dericks insta?  Inappropriate imo.

Agreed, it's insensitive to ask a total stranger stuff like that. Jill may have had one or has been told she can't have more children and given her background would be devastated or she just had a difficult labour and needed a c section either way she doesn't need these questions. We will find out what happened if or when she decides to tell us. Being on TV doesn't make her public property.

[HarryPotterFan]

The company cousin's wife worked for had such shitty maternity leave she left the company. Fortunately my cousin earns enough to support his family without an income from her.

[Nomorethanfour]

7 hours ago, breakfree said:

 

Also all 12 weeks are unpaid. 

If you are active duty military, you get 12 weeks of paid maternity leave. Plus, active duty service member father's get 10 days of paid time off.

[SapphireSlytherin]

9 minutes ago, Nomorethanfour said:

Plus, active duty service member father's get 10 days of paid time off.

When did that start? My daughter's father (infantry) went to the field for a week when she was four days old!

[Nomorethanfour]

3 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

When did that start? My daughter's father (infantry) went to the field for a week when she was four days old!

It started in April of 2009 and it has to be used within 45 days after the baby is born or you lose it.

[SilverBeach]

Jill voted for Trump, in lockstep with her clan. Sorry, I just cannot give her accolades for being some kind of wonderful person. She could be, we don't really know her. She could also be awful. I think a tad more objectivity about her would be useful here. YMMV

[Screamapillar]

I lucked into having great maternity leave, and it sucks that that's how things work in the USA. If you're lucky enough to have a company that offers good maternity leave, you hit the jackpot. If not, you're SOL. 

[MarblesMom]

MOST employees are covered under the ADA, which should allow (unpaid) time off - however, smaller employers are not subject to the ADA... I think it is 15 employees or less.  I also think the employee has to be employed for 12 months FT to be covered.

Man, I am RUSTY on employment laws! (And loving it!)

 

 

[Rubaiyat]

Active Duty military family here.   We got 21 days for our adoption.  Our VERY family-oriented commander didn't feel that weekends, or a bunch of other random days, should count.  Add that to the holidays, and we ended up with nearly two months.  It was amazing.  

However, I understand that not all military jobs/assignments are able to offer that.   When we birthed a teeny weenie, the only reason we got more than a couple hours (literally) was due to several gold-freaking-plated brothers and sisters in arms who covered three extra days for us.  You do what you gotta do, but that doesn't always make it easy.  

[BabyFactoryClosing]

On 7/15/2017 at 10:34 AM, pook said:

Driving by to add that I had a horrendous vaginal birth with my first mini Pook, even though I had the best care from my L&D colleagues and friends I worked as a nurse on the same unit.  I was induced for pre-eclampsia and it took a SEVERELY long time ending with a vacuum assisted delivery following two 2 hour sessions of pushing, borderline HELLP syndrome, and significantly elevated BP (as high as 215/110 - my head felt like it was going to blow off) for weeks after he was born.  I also broke my tail bone, had a second degree tear and was in bed for 2 weeks on diuretics and anti-hypertensive meds (really I should have stayed in hospital on mag sulf protocol).  @sparklymagie

I've been stalking for years and years but I finally made an account just to reply to this. Are we the same person?! This is EXACTLY my experience with my two boys down to the Pre-E and broken tailbone and second C-section with a big baby. Hello my labor twin!

[FakePigtails]

1 hour ago, Screamapillar said:

I lucked into having great maternity leave, and it sucks that that's how things work in the USA. If you're lucky enough to have a company that offers good maternity leave, you hit the jackpot. If not, you're SOL. 

What really sucks is that the jackpot of maternity leaves here is still far behind what many other developed countries offer. I'm a SAHM who felt kind of bad about how I was having a rough time around the 7-month mark (freaking night wakings about killed me) when others with babies at that age had been working for months and seemed to manage. I had to remind myself that many other countries simply wouldn't expect me to be coping well enough to go back to work for months more. I still felt like a wuss but it helped some.

And really I might have had a career but after a failed attempt to switch fields timed with when we wanted to start TTC, we decided it wasn't worth pushing to make a career happen when the 4-month best-case scenario for maternity leave I might have managed would be much less than we would have wanted. AKA why countries with better maternity leave policies have better participation by women in the workforce in a nutshell (and, as a result, better economies and more taxpayer money to gain). If I'd known I'd had a year or close to that, it would have actually been worth it to get started somewhere. But you do you, USA, and do without the taxes you could have gained by me having a better career